767 lines
39 KiB
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767 lines
39 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Blood</h1>
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Transcribed by: Juha Auvinen </p>
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<p> Episode #904 <br>
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Originally Aired: October 16, 1997 <br>
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</p>
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<p>Cast: <br>
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Jerry Seinfeld....................... Jerry Seinfeld <br>
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Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza <br>
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes <br>
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Michael Richards................. Cosmo Kramer </p>
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<p>Guest starring: <br>
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Kellie Vaymire [ Vivian ] <br>
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Audrey Kissel [ Tara ] <br>
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Colton James [ Jimmy ] <br>
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Gene Dynarsky [ Izzy Jr. ] <br>
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Yvonne Farrow [ Employee ] <br>
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Lloyd Bridges [ Izzy Mandelbaum ] </p>
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<p>Written by: Dan O'Keefe <br>
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Directed by: Andy Ackerman </p>
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<p>=================================================== </p>
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<p>[Jerry's Apartment, 5A. Morty and Helen are packing suitcases.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: Are you sure you can't stay longer? </p>
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<p>Morty: No, we just came for the funeral. `</p>
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<p>Helen: Poor Marvin Kessler, he went too early. </p>
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<p>Jerry: He was 96 years old. </p>
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<p>Morty: That had nothing to do with it, the man was out of shape. </p>
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<p>Helen: That's why we joined a program. We walk once around the block
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three times a week. </p>
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<p>Morty: And every morning I eat a plum. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, what ever you do, you're wearing me out. </p>
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<p>Helen: What about you? </p>
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<p>Morty: Yeah, looks like you're getting a little spare tire there, tiger.
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</p>
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<p>Jerry: Really? </p>
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<p>[Kramer comes in] </p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey, Seinfelds! </p>
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<p>Morty: Hey, Mr. Kramer! </p>
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<p>Kramer: How long are you staying? </p>
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<p>Helen: We just came down for a funeral. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh yeah, yeah I heard, Marvin Kessler. Boy, that makes you think.
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If he could go... </p>
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<p>Helen: See you downstairs with the car. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Are you sure you don't need a hand with that? </p>
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<p>Morty: No no, the luggage is on the program. I got a brick in here. </p>
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<p>[Morty and Helen leave. Kramer pulls out a band aid from his arm.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: Did you give blood? </p>
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<p>Kramer: No, not giving. hoarding. I'm storing it in to a blood bank.
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Just in case. </p>
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<p>Jerry: In case of what? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Jerry, I know myself. If I'm out on the street and it's starts
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to go down, I don't back off until it's finished. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Are we finished? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Done. </p>
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<p>----------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Elaine is visiting her friend Vivian.] </p>
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<p>Vivian: Elaine, I'm so glad you came out. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah... </p>
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<p>Vivian: You haven't seen Jimmy for years. </p>
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<p>Elaine: I know, I'm glad I got to see him before he hit puberty and got,
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you know all lurchy and awkward. </p>
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<p>Vivian: Actually, I'm gonna need someone to look after him tomorrow evening.
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</p>
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<p>Elaine: Tomorrow evening, sure. </p>
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<p>Vivian: Do you know anyone responsible? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Do I know anyone?? </p>
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<p>Vivian: Well, if you think of anybody, give me a call. </p>
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<p>---------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[George is with his girlfriend Tara. She is lighting a candle.] </p>
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<p>George: What are you doing? </p>
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<p>Tara: Incense, for the mood. </p>
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<p>George: Oh yes, by no means, the mood. Let me know if there's anything
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I can do to lend support to the mood. </p>
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<p>[Takes of his shoes and smells the candle.] </p>
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<p>George: Um, cream soda? </p>
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<p>Tara: Vanilla. </p>
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<p>-----------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Monk's Cafe. Jerry and Elaine.] </p>
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<p>Elaine: Can you believe that, Vivian doesn't think I'm responsible? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Who wants to responsible? When ever anything goes wrong, the first
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thing they ask is: who's responsible for this? </p>
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<p>Elaine: I couldn't raise a kid? Come on, I love bossing people around.
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</p>
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<p>[George comes to the table and starts eating Jerry's fries.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: What happened, I thought you were with Tara tonight? </p>
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<p>George: I was, I had to leave. She lit some vanilla incenses. The smell
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drove me nuts, all I could think about was food, I had to get out of there.
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We need some pudding here! Pudding! </p>
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<p>Elaine: You just left? What did you tell her? </p>
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<p>George: I told I had a bus transfer that was only good just for another
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hour. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What? </p>
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<p>George: I don't know, I was starving Jerry! </p>
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<p>[Waitress bring pudding to George.] </p>
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<p>George: Oh, pudding! You want some? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, you guys think I'm getting a little...chunky? </p>
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<p>George: What are you kidding? We look great! You know what this pudding
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needs? The skin on the top, you know like your mother used to make it
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on the stove. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Elaine, what do you think? </p>
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<p>Elaine: I think you're getting a little pudding under the skin yourself.
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</p>
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<p>--------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Kramer is at the County Blood Bank.] </p>
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<p>Kramer: My service rates went up? You banks are all the same with your
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hidden fees and your service charges. Well, maybe I'll just take my blood
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elsewhere, yeah. </p>
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<p>Bank employee: Well, we can transfer to another bank for you. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh, no no no...no more banks. I'm keeping my blood in my freezer
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with...my money! </p>
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<p>---------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[George and Tara.] </p>
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<p>George: So eh, what do you say? </p>
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<p>Tara: I guess we could use some food in our lovemaking. </p>
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<p>George: Ok, we got your...got your strawberries, your chocolate sauce,
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your pastrami on rye with mustard, your honey... </p>
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<p>Tara: Wait wait wait, pastrami on rye with mustard? </p>
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<p>George: Oh yeah yeah, don't you know they used pastrami in that movie
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9 weeks? Remember the pastrami scene? </p>
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<p>Tara: No. </p>
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<p>George: Well, maybe it was Ghostbusters? Where ever it was, it worked!
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</p>
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<p>[George takes a big bite and charges on to Tara.] </p>
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<p>--------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Monk's Cafe, Jerry and George.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: Didn't go for it, huh? </p>
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<p>George: No. </p>
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<p>Jerry: So, she didn't appreciate the erotic qualities of the salted cured
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meats? </p>
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<p>George: She tolerated the strawberries and the chocolate sauce, but eh,
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it's not a meal, you know? Food and sex, those are my two passions. It's
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only natural to combine them. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Natural? Sex is about love between a man and a woman, not a man
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and a sandwich. </p>
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<p>George: Jerry, I'm not suggesting getting rid of the girl. She's integral.
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</p>
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<p>Jerry: Maybe instead of trying to satisfy two of your needs, how about
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satisfying one of somebody else's. </p>
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<p>George: Hey, speaking of which, I found a great way to separate the skin
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from the top of the pudding without leaving any around the edges; Exacto
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knife. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I told you George, no more pudding. I'm starting a purification
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program. Keep all that kind of food away from me. </p>
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<p>George: Well, I guess these would be out of the question. [pulls out
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two pudding skins in plastic bags.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: What the hell is that? </p>
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<p>George: Pudding skin singles. </p>
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<p>-------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[5A, Kramer and Jerry.] </p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey buddy, I'm borrowing all your Tupperware. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, why? </p>
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<p>Kramer: I closed down my account at the blood bank. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What, it...it's here in the building? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Right across the hall. What, you wanna go see? </p>
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<p>Jerry: No I don't! In fact, if even one corpuscles of that blood should
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find it's way across that hall I will freak out on you Kramer! Freak out.
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</p>
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<p>Kramer: You know, for a fat guy you're not very jolly. </p>
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<p>[Elaine comes in.] </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey, working out? </p>
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<p>Jerry: You know it and I ditched all my junk food. </p>
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<p>[Kramer looks to the fridge.] </p>
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<p>Kramer: What the heck is going on here? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Sorry buddy, clean house. It's all health food. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, I may have to take it, but I don't have to like it. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Vivian left me a message. I guess a certain someone changed her
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mind about whether someone was responsible enough to watch certain other
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someone. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Is this about me? </p>
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<p>Elaine: No. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, then I lost interest. </p>
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<p>[Elaine calls on the phone.] </p>
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<p>Elaine: Vivian, hi it's Elaine. Yeah, I'm over at Jerry's, I got your
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message...What? Yeah, he's right here, hold on...[hands the phone to Kramer.]
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</p>
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<p>Kramer: For me? Go...Yeah, what tonight? Yeah, I'll be there...Yeah later.
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[puts the phone down] Well, somebody's baby-sitting. </p>
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<p>Elaine: You? I'm more responsible than you are! </p>
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<p>Kramer: Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to
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fill my freezer with my own blood. </p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>--------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[George is in bed with Tara. He reaches to the drawer for some sandwich.]
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</p>
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<p>George: Oh, Tara! </p>
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<p>-----------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Kramer comes to the Vivian's house and bangs the screen door.] </p>
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<p>Kramer: Hello, Vivian! Oh, this is a nice screen. </p>
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<p>[Elaine comes and taps him on the back.] </p>
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<p>Elaine: Kramer... </p>
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<p>Kramer: Don't take my money! </p>
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<p>Elaine: It is me, you idiot. Hi, all right you've got to get out of here,
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I'm gonna baby-sit the hell out of that kid. </p>
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<p>Kramer: No, I'm the baby-sitter. </p>
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<p>Elaine: No no no, you're out, I'm in. Now, hit the road. </p>
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<p>[Vivian comes to open the door and Elaine pushes Kramer off the porch.]
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</p>
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<p>Vivian: Elaine? What are you doing here? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Kramer is actually sleeping one off, so I thought that I'd help
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out...[Kramer moans from the bushes] what's that, some raccoon or something...[hits
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Kramer with a broom.] </p>
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<p>Vivian: Well, I guess this would be all right. Jimmy, you remember Elaine?
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She's gonna watch you tonight. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hi Jimmy. [Jimmy kicks Elaine to the shin.] Ouch! [The screen
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door hits her in the head.] </p>
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<p>----------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[5A, Kramer and Jerry.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were baby-sitting
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at Vivian's. </p>
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<p>Kramer: There was an incident. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh no, where's the blood? [opens the fridge] It's in here isn't
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it? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Would you stop it. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What is this? </p>
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<p>Kramer: It's Jell-O. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What about this? This is blood isn't it?! </p>
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<p>Kramer: This is tomato juice, look...[drinks from the bottle.] </p>
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<p>Jerry: Ooh, you're sick! You're sick!! </p>
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<p>Kramer: Will you calm down. I took all my blood down to Newman's. He
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let me put it in his meat freezer. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, what's going on? Who made pudding? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh yeah yeah, George he came by and made more of those pudding
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skin singles. They're delicious. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Damn that George, I told him I don't want this stuff around here
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anymore... </p>
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<p>[Jerry hits a spatula on the table and one Exacto knife flies through
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the air.] </p>
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<p>Kramer: Heads up! </p>
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<p>Jerry: Aaah... </p>
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<p>--------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Elaine is on the baby-sitting gig and Jimmy is shooting her with a toy
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gun.] </p>
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<p>Jimmy: You're dead, president Lincoln! You're dead! </p>
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<p>Elaine: I wish I was dead. </p>
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<p>Jimmy: Can I have your juice? </p>
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<p>Elaine: As long as you don't put... </p>
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<p>[Jimmy pours the juice to Elaine's bag.] </p>
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<p>Elaine: Thanks for the re-fill. </p>
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<p>[Jimmy runs laughing from the room and Vivian comes in.] </p>
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<p>Vivian: Hey, Elaine! How did it go? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, he's...he's a joy... </p>
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<p>Vivian: Really? Some sitter have told me he's bit of a handful. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, handful of sunshine. I wish I could do this every day. </p>
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<p>Vivian: Oh Elaine, that's so good to hear. I've been having a few health
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problems lately. </p>
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<p>Elaine: It's not serious, is it? </p>
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<p>Vivian: Well, it might be. Just in case anything does happen, it's nice
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to know there's somebody like you around. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh yeah, that eh...that is nice to know. [Pours the juice from
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the bag back to glass.] </p>
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<p>--------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>[Jerry wakes up at the hospital. Kramer is staring at him up close.]
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</p>
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<p>Jerry: Aah! </p>
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<p>Kramer: It's ok, Jerry. I'm right here. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I can see that! What happened? </p>
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<p>Kramer: That knife, it nicked your jugular. You know Jerry, when somebody
|
|
yells 'heads up', you're not supposed to actually look up. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'll remember that. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Anyway, you were lucky that I was there. You lost a lot of blood.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh yeah, you've got three pints of Kramer in you, buddy. </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry starts screaming and Kramer joins him.] </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's Cafe. Jerry and George.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: Three pints of Kramer's blood? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I can feel his blood inside of me. Borrowing things from my blood.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, so much for purification week. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So, how's the fornicating gourmet? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Doing quite well, thank you. Yesterday I had a soft boiled egg
|
|
and a quickie. You know what? If I could add TV to the equation, that
|
|
would really be the ultimate. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: George, we're trying to have a civilization here. </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, how was baby-sitting? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, just great. I found out that Vivian has some kind of medical
|
|
problem and if the worst happens she wants me to take care of Jimmy. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, I'm sure it won't be the worst. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It doesn't matter. If anything happens to her, I'm on deck! Scissors
|
|
mishap, air show disaster, chinese organ thieves...it's a dangerous world.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: She's right, I heard Kramer got mugged out on the suburbs on
|
|
a baby-sitting gig. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really? </p>
|
|
<p>----------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[5A, Kramer and Jerry.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Look at this, look at the hair on the back of my neck. It's all
|
|
bramble, see it's like thicket back there. Look, I need somebody to shave
|
|
it for me, huh? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm not touching that thing. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, I have to say I'm very surprised and disappointed - blood
|
|
brother. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, no... </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What? Jerry, I gave you my blood. Listen to your pulse, [takes
|
|
Jerry hand] hey buddy-hey buddy-hey buddy... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer, I'm not shaving your neck. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: So, my blood is not enough. Would you like a kidney too, because
|
|
I'll give it to you? I'll rip it out right here and stack it on the table!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, all right I'll do it, sit down. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No no no, I don't have time right now. I'll catch you tonight,
|
|
we'll do sort of an all over kind of thing, all right? </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer leaves. Jerry phone rings and he answers.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hello? </p>
|
|
<p>[It's Helen and Morty.] </p>
|
|
<p>Helen: Kramer called, he told that you were in a hospital. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer called you? </p>
|
|
<p>Helen: He calls every week. Are you all right? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yes, I'm fine. </p>
|
|
<p>Helen: He says he's fine. </p>
|
|
<p>Morty: Tell him to eat a plum. </p>
|
|
<p>Helen: Jerry, you really have to take better care of yourself. We bought
|
|
you some session with a personal trainer. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't need a personal trainer. [Kramer comes in] all right I've
|
|
got to go, we'll talk about this later. </p>
|
|
<p>Morty: Plum...[Jerry hangs up.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why are you calling my parents? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, maybe if you called more often, I wouldn't have to. Listen,
|
|
is it all right if I watch a tape in here? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why here? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, I'm taping Canadian Parliament, you know on C-Span. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ok... </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Is it all right if I watch it in your bedroom, cause your bed
|
|
is really nice? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Fine... </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Ok! </p>
|
|
<p>[Newman runs in with two boxes of popcorn.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No no no no no no no no no no! I do not want that in here! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Blood! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right. </p>
|
|
<p>[Knock on the door. Jerry opens and it's Izzy Mandelbaum.] </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Hello, dough boy. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Mr. Mandelbaum? You're the personal trainer? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: I'm here to whip you in to shape, so grab your jocks - if you need
|
|
one. It's go-time. </p>
|
|
<p>---------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine is on another baby-sitting gig at Vivian's. Vivian comes in and
|
|
Elaine is sleeping on the couch, smoking a cigar.] </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Elaine? Elaine? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, hi, oh God. I didn't here you come in. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Where's Jimmy? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I don't know, I don't know...we had HoHos for dinner and then
|
|
eh...and then he put this plastic bag over his head and started running
|
|
around until he got tired and then he laid down somewhere I...I tell you
|
|
I'm no good watching that kid. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Sleeping like an angel. Elaine, you're the best. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No! I'm a scatter brain. That's why I probably can't hold a job
|
|
or keep a man! </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Be quiet. So, will you watch Jimmy tomorrow? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: All right, but I'm running out of purses here. [takes her purse
|
|
from a punch ball.] </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[The Gladiator Gym. Jerry and Mr. Mandelbaum.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ok Mr. Mandelbaum, what you want me to do? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Drop your purse, and pick up that medicine ball. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Is this a gym, or some kind of fitness museum? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Not funny, over your head with it. Are you ready? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: For what? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: All aboard in the pain train! </p>
|
|
<p>[Izzy starts hitting Jerry's stomach with weak taps.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How many session did my parents paid for? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Not enough to make a man of you, daffodil. </p>
|
|
<p>---------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[George and Tara are in bed. George reaches out for a sandwich] </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oohoho...spicy mustard...woohoho, you're hot tonight! </p>
|
|
<p>Tara: Oh, George! </p>
|
|
<p>George: And now for the trifecta. [Picks up a hand held TV and gets back
|
|
under the covers.] </p>
|
|
<p>Tara: George? George? What are you doing?! [Pulls the covers off. George
|
|
is eating a sandwich and watching TV.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: Pleasuring you? </p>
|
|
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[5A. Kramer and Newman are making sausages. Tape recorder plays Jackie
|
|
Davis: Manana. Jerry comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What is this? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: We're making sausages. </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry stops the tape.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I thought you were gonna watch a video. </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, an instructional video about how to make your own sausages.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer, I'm not in a mood for this. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right, all right. Newman, let's go grab some mail sacks and
|
|
haul these beauties out of here. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer starts the tape again and he and Newman leave.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Blood over there, sausages over here. I'm living in a slaughter
|
|
house. </p>
|
|
<p>[Izzy Mandelbaum comes in with a plywood plate.] </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Tonight I want you to sleep on this. Toughens the vertebrae. [Looks
|
|
at the sausages] What in holy hell? Sausages? Is this your diet? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No they're not mine Mr. Mandelbaum... </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Don't lie to me, butter bean. We're taking it up a notch. </p>
|
|
<p>-------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's Cafe. Jerry and George.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So, the free love buffet is over? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I got greedy. Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, that's what you did...I can't believe I got another session
|
|
with Izzy Mandelbaum, he's probably makes me box a kangaroo. </p>
|
|
<p>[George eats a sandwich and gets flustered.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's going on? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I don't know. This sandwich is making me flush. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh no, I'll tell you what you did Caligula; you combined food
|
|
and sex in to one disgusting uncontrollable urge. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I think you're right. You gonna eat that? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, but please tell me that's all you're gonna do with it. </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine comes in] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry, I tell you; if this woman dies, it is going to be a major
|
|
inconvenience. </p>
|
|
<p>George: These fries are really really good... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, that's enough of that. [Jerry takes the plates and
|
|
hands them to a waitress.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I mean I can't shake this woman. You know, now I have to go to
|
|
Jimmy's birthday party. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Uuh, sleepy. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No matter what I do, I cannot weasel out of raising this kid.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, sleepy here is quite a weasel, maybe he can bat for you.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, that's what I need; a pinch weasel. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Why did you get rid of that sausage? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It wasn't me, it was Mr. Mandelbaum. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah well, Newman's not happy, he booted me out of his freezer.
|
|
Look, I've got to take my blood back to the bank, can I borrow your car?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's wrong with yours? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I got no A/C and I gotta keep the blood cold or it'll go bad.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, but this is it, this is the last favor, we're even!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right, Even Steven. Oh, by the way, when you get back to
|
|
your apartment try to keep it down because Newman is taking a nap in your
|
|
bed. </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's car. Kramer is taking the blood to the bank. Manaja song is
|
|
playing.] <br>
|
|
[Kramer looks at the car's thermometer and it gets on hot.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, man...[looks to the glove compartment for a manual.] "If
|
|
the engine begins to overheat, turn off air conditioner". Never,
|
|
I can't do that. </p>
|
|
<p>[Engine begins to smoke.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, mama... </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer stops and opens the hood.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Shees, come on...[opens the radiator]..this thing is bone dry.
|
|
[Looks at the blood.] </p>
|
|
<p>----------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine is visiting Vivian.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Vivian... </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Elaine! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hi! This is my friend George. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Hi... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I'm gonna go say hi to Jimmy. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Ok. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine whispers to George: You're up. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Oh, isn't Elaine fantastic? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes she is. It's a pity we won't be seeing much more of her.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Really, why? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, you haven't heard, she's going to live with her grandparents
|
|
in Redding Pennsylvania. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Her grandparent passed away five years ago. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes they did. I was covering. Elaine has been deported back to
|
|
Scotland. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: She's American citizen, I have seen her passport. </p>
|
|
<p>George: All right, no more lies. Elaine is been chosen to represent the
|
|
Upper West Side in the next Biosphere project. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: I haven't heard anything about another Biosphere. </p>
|
|
<p>George: That's because it's underwater. </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: This is insane. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Is it? </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Yes it it. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, it's all for charity, so what's the difference. </p>
|
|
<p>[Oven pings] </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: You...very knowledgeable. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, I'm also an architect. Is that pastrami? </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Yes it is. I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all
|
|
the salted cured meats. Hungry? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Very. </p>
|
|
<p>[They kiss and fall down to the floor.] </p>
|
|
<p>Vivian: Oh, wait...[Vivian turns the TV on.] Oohh... </p>
|
|
<p>George: Vivian!! </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's has belt and it's connected to the car with a rope. Izzy and
|
|
Izzy Jr. are in the car.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Is this really necessary? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: If you wanna live in a butcher shop, I'm gonna treat you like a
|
|
piece of meat. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What if I can't keep up? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: You lie, you dry. Fire it up, son. </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy Jr.: Right dad, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum... </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy and Izzy Jr: Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum...[Izzy Jr. drives ahead, but
|
|
the car starts jerking] </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Move it, move it! Get those knees up! Come on, kick it, kick it!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's going on? </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy Jr.: There's something wrong with your car. It's dripping something
|
|
on my feet. Some kind of red liquid. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh my God, the blood! </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy Jr.: Blood!! </p>
|
|
<p>[Izzy Jr. floors the gas pedal and Jerry falls down.] </p>
|
|
<p>Izzy: Get up boy, get up! We got a problem here! Tough it up. This is
|
|
for real, you've got to want it... </p>
|
|
<p>-----------------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry and Elaine in a hospital.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So how long did they drag you? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, for the first quarter mile they thought that I was just
|
|
doggin' it. </p>
|
|
<p>[George and Jimmy come in] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hi George. Hi Jimmy. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, Jimmy why don't you wait outside, you know, play with something.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>[Jimmy kicks George in to the shin.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: Ouch! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's the kid doing here? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm baby-sitting! Vivian asked me to raise him if she doesn't
|
|
make it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, that's a drag... </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: That kid... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You put blood in the car?! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry, it was overheating. You should take better care of that
|
|
thing. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, they told me that I got more blood, so I guess I owe you
|
|
again. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You didn't get the blood from me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Then who? </p>
|
|
<p>[Newman comes in and he has band aid in his arm.] </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hello Jerry. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Aaaaahhh...!!! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Kramer: Aaaahhh...!!! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry, Kramer and Newman: Aaaaahhh...!!! </p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p
|
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align="center"> </p>
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|