761 lines
35 KiB
HTML
761 lines
35 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Boyfriend (2)</h1>
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<br>
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Transcribed by The News Guy(Mike) <br>
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<br>
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Jerry - Jerry Seinfeld<br>
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Kramer - Michael Richards<br>
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George - Jason Alexander<br>
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Elaine - Julia Louis-Dryfus<br>
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Keith Hernandez - Himself <br>
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Rae Allen - Mrs. Lenore Sokol <br>
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Richard Assad - Cabby <br>
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Wayne Knight - Newman<br>
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<br>
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Written by: Larry David and Larry Levin <br>
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Directed by: Tom Cherones<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[New York State department of Labor]<br>
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<br>
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MRS. SOKOL: Just sign here please.<br>
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GEORGE: I know who it was too. It was the guy who interviewed me.
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He was<br>
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very threatened by me. Why else wouldn't he hire me? I could sell
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<br>
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latex like that (snaps fingers). <br>
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MRS. SOKOL: Sign that.<br>
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GEORGE: Who is this? (sees photo)<br>
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MRS. SOKOL: It's my daughta'<br>
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GEORGE: THIS is your daughter? My God! My God! I I hope you don't
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mind my<br>
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saying. She is breathtaking.<br>
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MRS. SOKOL: Ya' think so?<br>
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GEORGE: Ah, would you take this picture away from me. Take it away
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and get<br>
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it outta here. Let me just sign this and go. <br>
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MRS. SOKOL: You know she doesn't even have a boyfriend.<br>
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GEORGE: Okay, Okay. Who do you think you're talking to? What are
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ya'… you<br>
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trying to make a joke, because it's not funny. I can tell you that.
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<br>
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MRS. SOKOL: I'm serious. <br>
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GEORGE: It's one think to not give me the extension But to tease
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and to <br>
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torture me like this. There's no call for that. <br>
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MRS. SOKOL: Would you like her phone numba'?<br>
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MRS. SOKOL: Mrs. Sokol I, I don't know what to say. I, uh, where
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should I sign this<br>
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thing?<br>
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MRS. SOKOL: No no no, Don't worry about it.<br>
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<br>
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[Fitzpatrick's Bar]<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: So tell me more about this game SIX.<br>
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KEITH: Well, there was two outs, bottom of the tenth, we're one
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out away from losing <br>
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the series.<br>
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ELAINE: ooooh ahhh<br>
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<br>
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[Mike and Carol's Apartment]<br>
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KRAMER: (to baby) Koochie koochie koochie koo<br>
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JERRY: (to baby) Hello. How are you/ <br>
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CAROL: So, wadda ya' think? Do you love her?<br>
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JERRY: Yes. I do love her. (to baby) You have a very nice place
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here.<br>
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CAROL: So how do you think she looks like? <br>
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KRAMER: Lyndon Johnson.<br>
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CAROL: What? Lyndon Johnson?<br>
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JERRY: He's joking.<br>
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KRAMER: I'm not joking. She looks like Lyndon Johnson.<br>
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CAROL: Jerry, I can't believe it took you so long to come see the
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baby. I kept saying to <br>
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Michael, "When is Jerry going to see the baby?"<br>
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JERRY: I was saying the same thing.<br>
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CAROL: Let's take a picture. Michael, get the camera.<br>
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JERRY: Uh, you don't have to take a picture.<br>
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MIKE: I don't know where it is.<br>
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CAROL: It's in the bottom draw' of are dressa'. Hurry up! …
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He's such an idiot.<br>
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JERRY: Jerry, You want to pick her up?<br>
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JERRY: I better not.<br>
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KRAMER: I'll pick her up.<br>
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BABY: [cries]<br>
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<br>
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[George's car]<br>
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<br>
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CARRIE:Thank you for a wonderful time George. <br>
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GEORGE: Glad you enjoyed it.<br>
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CARRIE:I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time.<br>
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GEORGE: … millions and millions …<br>
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CARRIE:Would you like to come up? <br>
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GEORGE: [pause] Would I like to come up? I would love to come up.
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I, I'm fighting not <br>
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to. Fighting! Unfortunately I uh have to get an early start tomorrow.
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Gotta' get up <br>
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and hit that pavement <br>
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CARRIE:But it's Saturday. all the offices are closed. <br>
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GEORGE: I got me an appointment with a hardware store. I'm not saying
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I want to do it <br>
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for the rest of my life, but, uh, hardware fascinates me. Don't
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you love to make a <br>
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key? <br>
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CARRIE:Will you call me as soon as you get home? <br>
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GEORGE: [pause] Tonight? <br>
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CARRIE:Yes.<br>
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GEORGE: Will I call you when I get home? ha ha What do you think?
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ee, you kill me <br>
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kill me <br>
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CARRIE:Well. good night.[puckers up]<br>
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<br>
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[Mike and Carol's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Well it was an accident. Right Jerry it was an accident.
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Ah, she's going to be <br>
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all right. .. baby, baby, ah, baby.<br>
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<br>
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[Keith's car]<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: Well, thanks for a nice evening. It was really fun.<br>
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KEITH: Yeah, it was. [mind] Gosh, should I kiss her good night?<br>
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ELAINE: [mind] Is he going to try to kiss me? <br>
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ELAINE: I love Cajun cooking.<br>
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KEITH: Really, you know my mom's one quarter Cajun.<br>
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ELAINE: Uh, my father's half drunk. ha ha ha ha <br>
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KEITH: Maybe they should get together. [mind] Go ahead. Kiss her.<br>
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I'm a baseball player dammit.<br>
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ELAINE: [mind] What's he waiting for? I thought he was a cool guy.<br>
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KEITH: [mind] Come on I won the MVP in 79. I can do whatever I want
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to.<br>
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ELAINE: [mind] This is getting awkward. <br>
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KEITH: Well, goodnight<br>
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ELAINE: Good night<br>
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[they kiss - REALLY KISS]<br>
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ELAINE: [mind] Who does this guy think he is? <br>
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KEITH: [mind] I'm Keith Hernandez.<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: Uh, who else? … Mookie. Mookie was there. Do you know
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him? <br>
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JERRY: I don't know him. I know who he is.<br>
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ELAINE: Hum, he's such a great guy. You should meet him. You know
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he's the one <br>
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who got that hit …<br>
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JERRY: I know. He got the hit in game SIX. So, so then what happened?
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<br>
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ELAINE: Nuthin'. Then he took me home. <br>
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JERRY: So, did you two, uh, … have uh, …<br>
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ELAINE: What?!<br>
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JERRY: … You know<br>
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ELAINE: Milk? <br>
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JERRY: No!<br>
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ELAINE: Cookies?<br>
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JERRY: Did he kiss you good night?<br>
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ELAINE: I dunno.<br>
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JERRY: What do you mean you don't know?<br>
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ELAINE: All right. He kissed me. Okay?<br>
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JERRY: Well, what kind of a kiss? Was it a peck? Was it a kiss?
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Was it a long make <br>
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out thing?<br>
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ELAINE: Between a peck and a make out.<br>
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JERRY: So, you like him.<br>
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ELAINE: I don't understand. Before you were jealous of me. Now you're
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jealous of <br>
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him?<br>
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JERRY: Ah, I'm jealous of everybody. <br>
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[phone rings]<br>
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JERRY: hello. Oh, hi. What's happening? … what? oh um, sure,
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… um, yeah, okay, <br>
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uh. I'll see you then. Yeah, yeah, Bye.<br>
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ELAINE: Who was that?<br>
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JERRY: That was Keith.<br>
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ELAINE: What's going on?<br>
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JERRY: He wants me to help him move.<br>
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ELAINE: Help him move? Move what? <br>
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JERRY: You know, furniture. <br>
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ELAINE: So, what did you say? <br>
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JERRY: I said yes, but I don't feel right about it. I mean I hardly
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know the guy. That's a <br>
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big step oin a relationship. The biggest. That's like going all
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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the way. <br>
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ELAINE: And you feel you're not really ready for,…<br>
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JERRY: Well we went out one time. Don't you think that's coming
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on a little too strong? <br>
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<br>
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[Kramer enters]<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: What's going on?<br>
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JERRY: Keith Hernandez just asked me to help him move. <br>
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KRAMER: What? Well, you hardly know the guy…. What a nerve.
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You see wasn't I <br>
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right about this guy? Didn't I tell you? Now, you're not going to
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do it are you? <br>
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JERRY: … I said yes. <br>
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KRAMER: YOU SAID YES!? Don't you have any pride or self respect?
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I mean, how <br>
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can you prostitute yourself like this? I mean what are you going
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to do? You're going <br>
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to start driving him to the airport? <br>
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JERRY: I'm NOT DRIVING HIM TO THE AIRPORT! ..<br>
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KRAMER: yeah yeah<br>
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JERRY: hey Kramer do me a favour . <br>
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KRAMER: What?<br>
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JERRY: Don't mention it to anybody.<br>
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KRAMER: I wish you never mentioned it to ME. [exits]<br>
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<br>
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[George's car]<br>
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GEORGE: I had a great time tonight Carrie. And I am going to call
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you as soon as I get <br>
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home.<br>
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CARRIE: Don't bottha<br>
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GEORGE: Bother, wa', what kind of bother?<br>
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CARRIE: I would prefa' it if ya' didn'.<br>
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GEORGE: Why? Is there anything wrong?<br>
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CARRIE: It's over buddy. Done. Finished. So long. Good bye. Adios.
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Sayanara. <br>
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GEORGE: Why?<br>
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CARRIE: I bin thinkin about it. You got no job. You got no prospects.
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You're like Biff<br>
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Loman. <br>
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GEORGE: I went to the hardware store interview.<br>
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CARRIE: You think I'm going to spend my life with somebody because
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he can get me a<br>
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deal on a box of nails? <br>
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GEORGE: I thought were a team.<br>
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CARRIE: If I ever need a drill bit I'll call you. [exits car]<br>
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GEORGE: Carrie, could you do me a favour? Could you not mention
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this to your <br>
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mother?<br>
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<br>
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[Fitzpatrick's Bar]<br>
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KEITH: Ya know I hate to brag but, uh, I did win eleven straight
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golden gloves. <br>
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ELAINE: [chuckles]<br>
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KEITH: I wouldn't have brought it up but since you mentioned it.<br>
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ELAINE: Ha, I didn't mention it.<br>
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KEITH: Well I won them anyway.<br>
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ELAINE: Well so what. I mean you played first base. I mean they
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always put the worst <br>
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player on first base. That's were they put me and I stunk. <br>
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KEITH: Elaine. you don't know the first thing about first base.<br>
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ELAINE: ha ha well I know something about getting to first base.
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And I know you'll <br>
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never be there. <br>
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KEITH: The way I figure it I've already been there and I plan on
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rounding second <br>
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tonight at around eleven o'clock. <br>
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ELAINE: Well, uh, I'd watch the third base coach if I were you 'cause
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I don't think he's <br>
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waving you in. You know I hate to say this but I think we're really
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hitting it off. Get <br>
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it? Get it?<br>
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KEITH: Funny.<br>
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<br>
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[Keith takes out a cigarette]<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: What are you doing?<br>
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KEITH: What's that?<br>
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ELAINE: You smoke?<br>
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KEITH: Yeah.<br>
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ELAINE: I didn't know you SMOKED.<br>
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KEITH: Is that a problem?<br>
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ELAINE: Uh, …<br>
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<br>
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[Monks]<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: She likes him I mean she really likes him.<br>
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GEORGE: How do you kn ow?<br>
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JERRY: Who wouldn't like him? I like him. And I'm a guy.<br>
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GEORGE: I suppose he's an attractive man, I , …<br>
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JERRY: Forget that. He's a ball player. MVP< 1979. I'm making
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wise cracks in some <br>
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night club. This guy was in game six. They're a perfect match. They
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like go <br>
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together. They're like one of these brother and sister couples that
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look alike. <br>
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GEORGE: Hate those couples. I could never bee one of those couples.
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There are no bald <br>
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woman around. You know? <br>
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JERRY: You know I know this sounds a little arrogant but I never
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thought she would find <br>
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anyone she would like better than me. Ya know, I guess I had my
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chance and that's <br>
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that.<br>
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GEORGE: You know what I would like to do? I would really like to
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have sex with a tall <br>
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woman. I mean really tall. Like a like a giant Like six five. <br>
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JERRY: Really? <br>
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GEORGE: What was the tallest woman you ever slept with?<br>
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JERRY: I don't know … six three. <br>
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GEORGE: Wow, … god! You see this is all I think about. Sleeping
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with a giant. It's my <br>
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life's ambition. <br>
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JERRY: So I guess it's fair to say you've set different goals for
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yourself than say, Thomas <br>
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Edison, Magellan, these types of people. <br>
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GEORGE: Magellan? You like Magellan?<br>
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JERRY: Oh, yeah,. My favourite explorer. Around the world. Come
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on.<br>
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GEORGE: Who do you like?<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I like DeSoto. <br>
|
|
JERRY: DeSoto? What did he do?<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Discovered the Mississippi.<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh. like they wouldn't have found that anyway.<br>
|
|
GEORGE: All right, I've got to go down to the unemployment office.
|
|
Wanna take a <br>
|
|
walk?<br>
|
|
JERRY: No I can't I've got some stuff to do then I've got to meet
|
|
Keith at my apartment <br>
|
|
at three. I'm helping him move.<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What? The guy asked you to HELP HIM MOVE? Wow.<br>
|
|
JERRY: I know isn't that something? <br>
|
|
KRAMER: He's got money. Why doesn't he just pay a mover?<br>
|
|
JERRY: I don't know … he's got some valuable antiques, He's
|
|
worried they'll break <br>
|
|
something. <br>
|
|
GEORGE: The next thing you know, he'll have you driving him to the
|
|
airport..<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'M NOT DRIVING HIM TO THE AIRPORT!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New York State Department of lab or]<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I gave. I gave everything I could Mrs. Sokol. but nothing
|
|
was good enough <br>
|
|
for her.<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: Sign here please. <br>
|
|
GEORGE: Ha, I don't know who she's looking for. I don't know. I'll
|
|
tell you something. <br>
|
|
She's very particular, your daughter. Very particular. What is she
|
|
looking for some <br>
|
|
big hot shot businessman? Well I've got my pride too. I'm not going
|
|
to beg her. <br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: All right just sign it. People are waiting.<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You, uh, you like baseball? [picks up baseball from desk]<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: That was autographed by the '86 Mets. I saw every inning
|
|
that year.<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Funny, cause I happen to be very good friends with Keith
|
|
Hernandez.<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: You know Keith Hernandez. <br>
|
|
GEORGE: Know him? Would you, uh, like to meet him?<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: Oh, come on. Come on.<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I can produce Keith Hernandez right here within the hour.
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: All right. You got ONE hour. <br>
|
|
GEORGE: All right Mrs. S. I and my good pal Keith Hernandez will
|
|
be right back. <br>
|
|
[exits]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Same phone booth]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George sees large construction worker in booth and leaves. he hops
|
|
into a cab]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: 129 west 81st street and hurry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[same cabby stares at him]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Or Not [exits cab] <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Better bring your gloves, it's freezing out there. It shouldn't
|
|
take too long. I'd <br>
|
|
say maybe, oh, four hours. Really though, Jerry, there's not that
|
|
much. First we got <br>
|
|
the bedroom, we got two dressers and the bed. <br>
|
|
JERRY: Is there a box spring?<br>
|
|
KEITH: What's that?<br>
|
|
JERRY: Is there a box spring?<br>
|
|
KEITH: Yeah there's a box spring but it's attached to the headboard
|
|
and we'll have to take <br>
|
|
that apart. Then we got the couch. <br>
|
|
JERRY: Is that a sectional? <br>
|
|
KEITH: Yeah. Twelve pieces. <not clear> …coffee table. <br>
|
|
JERRY: Is that a thick marble?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[… Jerry and Keith start to laugh and Jerry walks behind Keith
|
|
so they don't make eye <br>
|
|
contact and break up]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Three inches thick. Got it in Italy. But the BIG problem
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
is going to be the <br>
|
|
convertible sofa. You see when you move it it tends to open up so
|
|
it's going to be <br>
|
|
real difficult getting it down the stairs. <br>
|
|
JERRY: STAIRS??? There's no elevator? <br>
|
|
KEITH: Nah, it's a brownstone. Three floors. <br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm sorry I can't do this. I can't do it. I can't. It, it's
|
|
too soon. I don't know you. I <br>
|
|
can't help you move. I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer enters, sees Keith and does a double take]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hello.<br>
|
|
KEITH: Hello. <br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, you don't remember me. <br>
|
|
KEITH: No should I [continuity error: in fact he SHOULD from the
|
|
basketball game]<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, you should. I certainly remember you. Let me refresh
|
|
your memory. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Newman enters]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: June 14th, 1987. Mets Phillies. You made a big error. Cost
|
|
the Mets the <br>
|
|
game. Then you're coming up the parking lot ramp. <br>
|
|
KEITH: YOU said, "Nice game, pretty boy." <br>
|
|
KRAMER: Ah, you remember. <br>
|
|
NEWMAN: And then you spit on us. <br>
|
|
KEITH: Hey, I didn't spit at you. <br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Oh, yeah, right.<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No no no, well, then who was it?<br>
|
|
KEITH: Well lookit, the way I remember it [back to the grainy 8mm
|
|
film parody] I was <br>
|
|
walking up the ramp. I was upset about the game. That's when you
|
|
called me pretty <br>
|
|
boy. It ticked me off. I started to turn around to say something
|
|
and as I turned <br>
|
|
around I saw Roger McDowell behind the bushes over by that gravely
|
|
road. … <br>
|
|
Anyway he was talking to someone and they were talking to you. I
|
|
tried to scream <br>
|
|
out but it was too late. It was already on its way. <br>
|
|
JERRY: I told you! <br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Wow, it was McDowell. <br>
|
|
JERRY: But why? Why McDowell? <br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, maybe because we were sitting in the right field stands
|
|
cursing at him <br>
|
|
in the bullpen all game. <br>
|
|
NEWMAN: He must have caught a glimpse of us when I poured that beer
|
|
on his head. <br>
|
|
NEWMAN: It was McDowell.<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh boy. Uh, look uh, Keith, uh, we're sorry.<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Yeah, I couldn't be sorrier. I uh.<br>
|
|
KEITH: look guys, don't worry about it, I uh, Well I guess I better
|
|
get going.<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Wait, uh what are ya' doing?<br>
|
|
KEITH: I gotta move.<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Want any help? <br>
|
|
KEITH: I'd love some. <br>
|
|
KRAMER: I'd love to help you move. <br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Me too. <br>
|
|
KEITH: Ok guys, we gotta be careful of one thing. Some of the stuff's
|
|
very fragile <br>
|
|
We're going to have to handle it like a baby. <br>
|
|
KRAMER: No sweat. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[they exit]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[phone rings]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello, … oh hi Elaine .. what's going on … no he
|
|
just left … you broke up <br>
|
|
with him? … ME TOO .. what happened? … oh smoking you
|
|
know you're like <br>
|
|
going out with C. Everet Coope … me … nah … I couldn't
|
|
go through with it … I <br>
|
|
just didn't feel ready … so what are you doing now? …
|
|
Oh, great idea, I'll meet you <br>
|
|
there in like thirty minutes. Okay bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George frantically enters]<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Keith, Keith Wa What happened? Where's Keith? <br>
|
|
JERRY: You just missed him. he just left. What do you need him for?<br>
|
|
GEORGE: [out the window] Keith, Keith, up here. Can you do me a
|
|
favor? I need you <br>
|
|
to go to the unemployment office with me. I, I'm Jerry's friend
|
|
… the guy from the <br>
|
|
locker room, … I'm the chucker. It'll take five minutes. Wait.
|
|
Wait.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[sits down]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well Biff/ What's next? <br>
|
|
GEORGE: I don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Tall girl enters]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
TALL GIRL: Excuse me. I was walking behind you and you dropped your
|
|
wallet. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The End<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry Stand up<br>
|
|
===========<br>
|
|
When You're moving your whole world becomes boxes. That's all you
|
|
think about is <br>
|
|
boxes. Boxes, where are there boxes? You just wander down the street
|
|
going in and out <br>
|
|
of stores. Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes? I mean
|
|
it's all you think <br>
|
|
about. You can't even talk to people because you can't concentrate.
|
|
Shut up I'm looking <br>
|
|
for boxes. Just after a while you become like really into it you
|
|
can smell them. You walk <br>
|
|
into a store. There's boxes here. Don't tell me you don't have boxes.
|
|
Dammit, I can <br>
|
|
SMELL them. I'm like I'm obsessed. I love the smell of cardboard
|
|
in the morning. You <br>
|
|
could be at a funeral. Everyone's mourning crying around, and your
|
|
looking at the <br>
|
|
casket. That's a nice box Does anyone know where that guy got that
|
|
box? When he's <br>
|
|
done with it do you think I could get that? it's got some nice handles
|
|
on it. And that's <br>
|
|
what death is really. It's the last big move of your life. The hearse
|
|
is like the van. The <br>
|
|
pale bearers are your close friends the only ones you could ask
|
|
to help you with a big <br>
|
|
move like that. and the casket is that great perfect box you've
|
|
been waiting for your <br>
|
|
whole life The only problem is, once you find it you're in it. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
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