785 lines
40 KiB
HTML
785 lines
40 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Bubble Boy</h1>
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</p>
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<p>Transcribed by The News Guy (Mike)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld </p>
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<p>George Costanza Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Kramer Michael Richards</p>
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<p>Heidi Swedberg [Susan Ross]</p>
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<p>Jessica Lundy [ Naomi ]</p>
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<p>Brian Doyle-Murray [ Mel ]</p>
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<p>Carol Mansell [ Mother ]</p>
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<p>O-Lan Jones [ Waitress ]</p>
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<p>Jon Hayman [ Voice and Arm of Donald ]</p>
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<p>George Gerdes [ Man #1 ]</p>
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<p>Tony Pappenfuss [ Man #2 ]</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Written by: Larry David & Larry Charles </p>
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<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>=====================================================</p>
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<p>Stock shot of Hunan Chinese restaurant at night</p>
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<p><Jerry and Naomi enter Jerry's apartment></p>
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<p>JERRY: Well this is it.</p>
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<p>P: This is nice. Thanks again for the Chinese food.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, you're welcome. You know I think I ate too much of that
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garlic. </p>
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<p>P: Yeah, me too,</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, I ate the whole plate. I didn't know those little things
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were garlic.</p>
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<p>P: Laughs - ha ha ha (obnoxious laugh). Oh, you know what? I think
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Naked </p>
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<p>gun is on. I've seen it. I</p>
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<p>laughed through that whole thing. You wanna watch?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, I mean, I don't think so.</p>
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<p>P: I thought you liked to laugh. I thought you uwere happy go lucky.
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</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, nah, I'm not happy and I'm not lucky, and I don't go.
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If anything</p>
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<p>I'm sad stop unlucky. </p>
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<p>N: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha</p>
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<p>JERRY: That's not funny Naiomi. I didn't mean to be funny there.
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Why don't you</p>
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<p>check the TV guide. I think uh, Holacost is on.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (on phone) Jerry, it's George. Hey, hey are you all set
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foe the week end. </p>
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<p>This is going to be great. You're going to have a great time with
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Naomi.</p>
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<p>All right, you know she's got that laugh. What did you say? It's
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like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer? </p>
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<p>AAnyway, i was thinking we would take two cars up to the cabin
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and that way if one of wanted to stay you know...</p>
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<p><Jerry rips machine out of the wall plug></p>
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<p>JERRY: This thing has never worked right. </p>
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<p>N: You think I laugh like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, first of all Elmer Fudd is one of the most beloved
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internationally known cartoon characters of </p>
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<p>all time. "I'm going to kill that cwazy wabbit ... ha ha "
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Come on. Not only that, a juicer is one of the </p>
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<p>healthiest ways ... <Naomi exits> it makes the juice ...
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extracts the pulp and the vitamins, for long life </p>
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<p>and vitality.</p>
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<p><break></p>
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<p>JERRY: How could you leave a mesage like that on my machine.?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well how could you just play your message in front of anybody?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Because I didn't think anyone would leave it!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, I didn't think anyone would play it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, now she's not going away for this weekend.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What do you mean not goin'? We got plans here. Call her
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up.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, it's better anyway. I mean really. What was going
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to happen? I'm a comedian. How can I go out with a </p>
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<p>girl with a laugh like that? It's like Coco Chanel goin' out with
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a fish monger. </p>
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<p>Cause she's with all the perfumes and a fish mongers a pretty bad
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smell. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well maybe you should ask Elaine. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah but if I ask Elaine, Kramer will feel slighted. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh no no, don't say anything to Kramer. Susan can't stand
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him. He vomited all over her. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, .. wait a minute do you smell smoke? </p>
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<p><Kramer enters smoking a cigar></p>
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<p>JERRY: Ah, Kramer.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hello boys, top of the morning to ya. What do you say?
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What do ya be?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Will you put that thing out before you start another fire.
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You had to give him a box of cigars. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: So, what are you guys doin this weekend?</p>
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<p>JERRY:, GEORGE: uh uh, we're uh ..</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Because I'm going to e playing golf at the Westchester
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country club. Hum.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Westchester? Isn't that a private club?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, that's right buddy. It's private. It's very private.
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But I met the pro at the golf shop up on 49th St. </p>
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<p>and I gave him one of these Cubans and he invites me up to play
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a free round then he says anytime I lay one of</p>
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<p>these babies on him it's going to be the same deal. Ha ha. Isn't
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that beautiful.</p>
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<p>JERRY: and GEORGE: ye, hu, um ye, </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Man, I'm going to be hitting the links all weekend. foooo</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Gee, that's too bad. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Too bad. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Why? What wa? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, they got any golf courses up there? </p>
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<p>JERRY: and GEORGE: No, no, no, no.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: That's pie country.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah</p>
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<p>GEORGE: They do a lot of baking up there.</p>
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<p>JERRY: They sell them by the side of the road.</p>
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<p>PIE PIE PIE PIE</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><MONKS></p>
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<p>ELAINE: I don't know. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Come on. I don't want to tag along with George and Susan.
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If you're there it will be a better group.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What's that? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Ah, it's an autographed picture for my dry cleaner. I don't
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know what to write on these things.</p>
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<p>I hate doin' this. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: "I'm very imPRESSED"? ... Ah you mean pressed
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caus' its like a dry cleaner? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, see that's why I hate it. So, come on, you going to
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go? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, what about the sleeping arrangements? In the Cabin!</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, um same bed and uh, underwear and a tee shirt. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: What about me?</p>
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<p>JERRY: You'll be naked of course.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Uh, thats, ...</p>
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<p>MEL: Excuse me, Jerry Seinfeld?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
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<p>MEL: My name's Sanger, mel Sanger. I drive that truck out there.
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</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, the Yoo Hoo? I love Yoo Hoo. </p>
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<p>MEL: It's a fine product. Anyway I saw you on the Tonight Show
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a couple of weeks ago. I was watching</p>
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<p>the show with my son Donald. He's got this rare immune deficiency
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in his blood. Damnedest thing.</p>
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<p>Doctors say he has to live in a plastic bubble. Can you imagine
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that? A bubble.</p>
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<p>JERRY: A bubble?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: A bubble?</p>
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<p>MEL: Yes, a bubble!</p>
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<p>MEL: Do you mind? May I?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, sure.</p>
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<p><Mel sits down with them></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>MEL: Ah, It'd break your heart seein' him in there. It's like a
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prisoner. No friends - just his mother and me. </p>
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<p>And I'm out there six days a week haulin' Yoo Hoo We have sacrificed
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everything. All for our little bubble boy </p>
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<p><breaks up in tears></p>
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<p>: <in tears> </p>
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<p>MEL: Excuse me, I </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Here <giving out paper napkins></p>
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<p><<THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SCENES - MEL AND ELAINE WIPE
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TEARS FROM THEIR EYES, JERRY WIPES CRUMBS FROM HIS MOUTH>></p>
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<p>MEL: Excuse me, anyway we were watching you on TV </p>
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<p>JERRY: You get in the bubble with him?</p>
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<p>MEL: No. He can see through the bubble. It's plastic. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, I thought it was like an igloo.</p>
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<p>MEL: No, it's clear.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ah ha.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Who has the remote?</p>
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<p>MEL: He does. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: The remote goes through the bubble? </p>
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<p>MEL: Yeah, he's in the bubble with the remote.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So you have no control over the remote? </p>
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<p>MEL: No, it's frustrating. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, of course, yeah.</p>
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<p>MEL: So anyway, you're his favourite comedian. he laughed so hard
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the other night we had to give him an extra shot </p>
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<p>of hemoglobin. </p>
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<p>JERRY: That's nice! </p>
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<p>MEL: Tomorrow is his birthday and it would mean so much to him
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if you could find it in your heart ta' pay him a visit</p>
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<p>and just say hello. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Hu, well, tomorrow, I, ...</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Jerry! Of course he'd pay him a visit. You'd be happy to.</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, uh, Ok, uh, tomorrow uh, where do you live, uh up
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town? Upper west side? </p>
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<p>MEL: Up state.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Up state! Hummm.</p>
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<p><break></p>
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<p><Jerry's apartment></p>
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<p>JERRY: He's a bubble boy.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: A bubble boy? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Yes. a bubble boy. </p>
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<p>SUSAN: What's a bubble boy?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He lives in a bubble. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Boy!</p>
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<p>SUSAN: So, what kind of a bubble? Like an igloo?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, that's what I thought but apparently it's just a big
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piece of plastic dividing the room. </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Oh, </p>
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<p>GEORGE: What kind of plastic do you think it is? What do you think
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like that dry cleaning plastic?</p>
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<p>JERRY: That's no good. He wouldn't last ten minutes in there. anyway
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what can I do I promised I'd go visit him tomorrow.</p>
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<p>It's his birthday. I can't go to the cabin.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Well, where does he live? </p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't know, up state, Falls, somethin'</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Wait a minute, This is right on the way to the cabin. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right, beautiful, so you stop in. Ya, ya visit the
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bubble boy for twenty minutes and then we can go.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You think we can do it?</p>
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<p>SUSAN: I know exactly where this is. You can just follow us. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, great. Ok we'll goin' away. I think I'm excited.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: I'm excited. Oh, you're going to love this cabin. My grandfather
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built it in 1947. It's it's incredible. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right there you go. It's a '47 cabin all right. So,
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we'll see you tomorrow.</p>
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<p>JERRY: OK, </p>
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<p><Kramer enters with golf bag, clubs and outfit, smoking a cigar></p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, </p>
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<p>GEORGE: and JERRY: Very nice, very nice, nice.</p>
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<p><Susan recoils at his presence></p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, I'm off to the links. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: and JERRY: Yeah, </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Listen, I want to thank you for the invite up state. I'm
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sorry I can't make it. </p>
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<p>SUSAN: The what? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Nothing, uh lets get going. Come on.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Did you..</p>
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<p>GEORGE: No, no, we'll talk about it later.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Is that one of the cigars my father gave you? </p>
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<p><break></p>
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<p><IN car on highway</p>
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<p>ELAINE: hey, what's with George and Susan? Does he actually like
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her?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ah, I don't know if he likes her as much as he likes it.
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</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, that's nice!</p>
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<p>JERRY: What's he doing? What is his hurry?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well you know George. It's not enough to get there. you
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gotta make good time. </p>
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<p>JERRY: I know he once went from West 81st Street to Kennedy Airport
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in 25 minutes. </p>
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<p>I never heard the end of it....Look at him. </p>
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<p><George's car></p>
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<p>GEORGE: Would you stop that please. Would you just stop that? </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Why?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: ... just sit in your seat over there you're distracting
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me. We're making incredible time here. </p>
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<p>I once went from west 81st Street to Kennedy Airport in uh 15 minutes.
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hu uh Here hold this. It's</p>
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<p>ten dollars for the tolls. </p>
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<p><Jerry's car></p>
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<p>JERRY: What's he doing? Is he out of his mind? Do you see him?
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I don't even think I see him anymore. Where is he? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Isn't that blue car him? </p>
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<p>JERRY: No, no that's not him. What happened to him? I can't believe
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|
it. I lost him. That stupid idiot.</p>
|
|
<p>Now what are we going to do? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: It's no big deal Jerry. We'll just meet him at the bubble
|
|
boy's house. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't even know where the bubble boy lives. I don't even
|
|
remember the name of the town. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Wa',you don't have the directions? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, I was following him.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: How could you not take the directions? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Because, HE'S my directions. </p>
|
|
<p><from George's car></p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: I didn't see them George.</p>
|
|
<p><Jerry ranting in his car></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: we make all these plans - he goes a hundred miles an hour
|
|
- the whole weekend's over - incredible - just like that - </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Poor little bubble boy. He's sitting there waiting for
|
|
you in his bubble, or igloo thing or whatever.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Just get off at this exit. We'll figure somethin' out.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p><from George's car></p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: We lost them. Do you KNOW THAT. WE LOST THEM! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's not my fault. Seinfeld can't drive. How hard is it
|
|
to follow somebody? </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Well now what are you going to do? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's fine, we'll just meet him at the bubble boy's house.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Does he have the address? </p>
|
|
<p><Jerry's apartment - Kramer enters - picks up a piece of paper
|
|
from the counter></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (answering machine) Leave a message. I'll call you back.
|
|
Thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>N: (on phone speaker) Hi, Jerry it's Naomi, Listen, if its not
|
|
too late I've changed my mind, I'd like to go to the cabin</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Wait, wai, ... ... Yeah. Hello!, Hi, Aw, this is Kramer.
|
|
Yeah, I'm the next door neighbour. Aw, well you know, </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry's left, uh, But listen, yeah, see my golf game got cancelled.
|
|
Uh, I'm thinkin' of going up myself... They got</p>
|
|
<p>pies and I got the directions right here. </p>
|
|
<p><break></p>
|
|
<p><Kramer's car></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: So then I drive all the way up to the country club and
|
|
then I find out they got a tournament goin' on. Do you mind</p>
|
|
<p>if I smoke? </p>
|
|
<p>N: No.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: These are Cubans. <IN FAKE SPANISH> Maria, poquendo
|
|
los scientos de estes con gleam.</p>
|
|
<p>N: ha ha ha ha ha ha </p>
|
|
<p><The Sangers' house></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't know of this is the house. I don't see Jerry's
|
|
car anywhere. </p>
|
|
<p><Susan smooches him></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Stop, would you quit it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Maybe someone is going to see us here.</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: So what? You are SUCH a prude.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hey, I am not a prude sweetheart. I swing with the best
|
|
of them. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Come on lets go in. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Well we should at least tell them what happened. They might
|
|
be very late if they make it at all. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I can't go in there. I can't face the bubble boy. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: What's the matter?</p>
|
|
<p>G I just don't react well to these situations. My grandmother died
|
|
two months early because of the way I reacted in the</p>
|
|
<p>hospital. She was getting' better.</p>
|
|
<p>And then I went to pay her a visit. She say my face. BOOM. That
|
|
was the end of it. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: We're goin' in. Come on. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Susan, please... <grabs her></p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: George. Stop.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Would you wai,..</p>
|
|
<p><Highway diner></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: <ranting> Can't believe how a little thing like George
|
|
going too fast - how my whole weekend is gone - the plans,</p>
|
|
<p>packing, ... everything </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Your whole weekend? What about the bubble boy? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Why do you keep bringing up the bubble boy. You don't have
|
|
to mention the BB? You don't have to mention the BB.</p>
|
|
<p>I know about the BB. I'm aware of the BB. Why do you keep reminding
|
|
me about the BB? </p>
|
|
<p><Elaine stares at him and blows a bubble with bubble gum></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'll have a cup of coffee and a turkey club. </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: How about you? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I'll just have a glass of water. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (whispers) You can't just have water. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Why not? That's all I want.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well this is not like a park bench where you just come in
|
|
and sit down. It's a business. </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Hold it a second. Don't you play on TV? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, no.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: YES! yes. You saw him on TV. </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: What's your name?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Jerry Seinfeld.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Elaaaiinne...</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Garry Seinfield! I saw him on the Tonight Show. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Right. Hey, wouldn't you like an autographed picture? </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Oh, ha ha</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh, I don't have anymore pictures Elaine. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He's lying. They're in the trunk <takes car keys >
|
|
Now you get to sign another one. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'm not lying. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, he is. <as she leaves></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: She'll have a cup of copy and a broiled chicken. </p>
|
|
<p><Sanger's house></p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. Sanger: You see it's not really a bubble. A lot of people
|
|
think it's an igloo. But it's really just a plastic</p>
|
|
<p>divider. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: and SUSAN: <nod> </p>
|
|
<p><long pause></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Can you uh, go in the bubble?</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: Well, you have to put so many things on because of
|
|
the germs.</p>
|
|
<p>MEL: The gloves, the mask, it's a whole production. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So then he makes his own bed?</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: well, that's one of the things we fight about. </p>
|
|
<p>MEL: Would you like to meet him?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Uh, well, you know,...</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: He loves games. Maybe you could play Trivial Pursuit
|
|
with him.</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: HEY MA WHAT THE HELL DO I GOT TO DO TO GET SOME FOOD AROUND
|
|
HERE? I'M STARVIN'. AND IF IT'S PEANUT BUTTER,</p>
|
|
<p>SHOVE IT IN YOUR FACE. </p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: <embarrassed> ha ha ha.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p><Highway Diner></p>
|
|
<p>: he he he One picture left in the truck.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh, THANKS! This is FUN! This turned out to be a GREAT weekend.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Where's my water?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, it's comin'. - Here ya' go.</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Waddya' write?</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: "There is nothing's finer than being in your diner."</p>
|
|
<p>E, hu hu hu hu hu "There is nothing's finer than being in
|
|
your diner."?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No good?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: THIS is what you came up with? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: That is so lame. Jerry, people are going to be reading
|
|
that for the next twenty years and laughing at you.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, yeah, you're right. Excuse me, excuse me. would you
|
|
mind. I'd like to take the picture back. I'm not happy with what
|
|
I wrote.</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: It's good. I like it. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, believe me it's not good. I'll mail you a new one with
|
|
something really funny written on it.</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Well, when you mail me a new one I'll send you back this
|
|
one. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, look, you don't understand. I, I want the picture. </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: RIGHT! <leaves></p>
|
|
<p><Donald's room></p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: This is Donald.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hi.</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: WHO ARE YOU? Where's Seinfeld?</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: He's on his way. These are his friends. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? NEVER SEEN A KID IN A BUBBLE BEFORE?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: 'Course I have. Come on. My cousin's in a bubble. My friend
|
|
Jeffrey's uh, sister, also ... you know ...bubble. I got a lot of
|
|
bubble experience. Come on.</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: WHAT'S YOUR STORY?</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: I, I have no story. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: She works for NBC. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: HOW 'BOUT TAKING YOUR TOP OFF? </p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: Donald, behave yourself. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: COME ON.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: I know. I know. Why don't you play a game of trivial
|
|
Pursuit? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, you know we gotta been running because of the ...</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: WHAT? ARE YOU AFRAID?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Humph, no, uh, it's just that ...</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.</p>
|
|
<p><Highway Diner></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Look, I was nice enough to give you the picture. I don't
|
|
like what I wrote. I don't want it up there. Now please just give
|
|
it back to me. </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: You are really startin' to get under my skin. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I want that picture. </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Well, you can't have it! In fact maybe you better just
|
|
pay your check and get out.</p>
|
|
<p><Elaine digging into the roast chicken> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'm not paying for anything until I get that back.</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Well, you ain't getting' it back. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, maybe I'll just take it back. <Hits picture></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: This chicken is really good.</p>
|
|
<p><BB's room></p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: OK, HISTORY. THIS IS FOR THE GAME. HOW YA DOIN' OVER THERE?
|
|
NOT TOO GOOD! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All right BB. Let's just play... Who invaded Spain in the
|
|
8th century?</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: THAT'S A JOKE. THE MOORS.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, Noooo, I'm so sorry. It's the MOOPS. The correct answer
|
|
is, The MOOPS. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: MOOPS? LET ME SEE THAT. THAT'S NOT MOOPS YOU JERK, IT'S
|
|
MOORS. IT'S A MISPRINT.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm sorry the card says MOOPS. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'S THE MOORS. THERE'S NO MOOPS.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's MOOPS. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: MOORS.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: MOOPS, </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: MOORS!</p>
|
|
<p><The4 cabin></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, anybody home?</p>
|
|
<p>N: What should we do?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Huh, hold these <boxes of> pies. </p>
|
|
<p><Kramer falls in through open window></p>
|
|
<p><Donald's room></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Help, someone. <BUBBLE BOY is strangling George></p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: THERE'S NO MOOPS. YOU IDIOT.</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Stop it. Let go of him!</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: Donald, stop it! Now, let go of him Donald. Donald!</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: I'M GOING TO KILL HIM. </p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: Donald, ... donald...</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: MOORS. SAY MOORS!</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SANGER: Donald, No. ... stop it .. </p>
|
|
<p><Susan bursts the bubble></p>
|
|
<p><hissing sound and Donald's hands leave George's throat></p>
|
|
<p><Highway Diner></p>
|
|
<p><Waitress is strangling Jerry, cook is grabbing Jerry, Elaine
|
|
is grabbing the cook></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What are you doing? You're choking me. Elaine! </p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: Are you going to pay for that? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, I want the picture back.</p>
|
|
<p><angry guy enters></p>
|
|
<p>MAN #1: Something's happened to the BB. They're rushing him to
|
|
the hospital.</p>
|
|
<p>WAITRESS: What? <releases Jerry></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: The BB? He lives around here? </p>
|
|
<p>MAN #1: That's his house right down the road. </p>
|
|
<p>MAN #2: He got in a fight with some guy.</p>
|
|
<p>Guy1: What kind of person would hurt the BB?</p>
|
|
<p>MAN #2: Some little bald guy from the city. </p>
|
|
<p>MAN #1: Vern, Page, Preston, don't you think we ought to do somethin'?</p>
|
|
<p><Elaine and Jerry make their escape></p>
|
|
<p><The cabin></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Naomi, come on let's get goin'. </p>
|
|
<p>N: But that lake must be freezing. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Nah, it's good for ya'. Retards the aging process. </p>
|
|
<p>N: Ready to go swimming?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Let's go. OK, </p>
|
|
<p>N: ha ha ha ha ha</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p><The Sanger house></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Jerry, what happened to you? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What happened to you? You were going like a hundred miles
|
|
an hour. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I was not. The BUBBLE BOY was trying to kill me. Susan
|
|
tell him.</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: It's a long story. </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: HEY SEINFELD!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey, Happy Birthday. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hi.</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: THANKS FOR SHOWING UP. YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND HERE TRIED
|
|
TO KILL ME. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, you lying little snot. And he's a cheater. Aren't ya'
|
|
you little twerp? </p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: MOORS </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: MOOPS</p>
|
|
<p>DONALD: MOORS</p>
|
|
<p><The towns people arrive></p>
|
|
<p>MAN #1: There's the guy that tried to kill the BB. Get him.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Go, go, get out, ...</p>
|
|
<p><our heroes run for it></p>
|
|
<p><Jerry's car, sirens blasting></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Fire engines?</p>
|
|
<p><George's car></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Must be a big one.</p>
|
|
<p><In the woods></p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Do you smell something?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, smoke.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: yeah, <cough> Definite smoke.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Argh, look at the fire! <cough></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Holy cow! look at that!</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: IT'S MY FATHER'S CABIN!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The CABIN is on fire!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I just realized. Ya' never gave me back the change from
|
|
the toll.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: How could this have happened?</p>
|
|
<p><Kramer and Naomi arrive in bathing suits></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: <singing> ... wild funky mountain man ...</p>
|
|
<p>N: Oy, my god, the cabin?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What are you two doin' here?</p>
|
|
<p>N: Look at that.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You didn't <makes motion like lighting a cigar></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: <runs to burning cabin> My Cubans!</p>
|
|
<p>THE END</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>
|
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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|
google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
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|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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|
}
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|
</script>
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|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
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|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|