720 lines
39 KiB
HTML
720 lines
39 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Busboy</h1>
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</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
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</p>
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<p>Written by: Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>Broadcasted: June 26, 1991 for the first time.</p>
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<p>Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, </p>
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<p>Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Doug Ballard (as Eddie),
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and David</p>
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<p>LaBiosa (as Antonio).</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm not a foodie. I don't, "Oh, this is too rare. Oh,
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it's too salty." Just eat it and shut up. I'll eat anywhere,
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whatever they're having. I have eaten rotten rolls</p>
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<p>off of room service trays in hotel hallways. I have. It's not a
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joke. This is my life. I don't know, somebody left it. Why would
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someone poison a roll, and leave it in a</p>
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<p>hallway for some comic coming down at two o' clock in the morning?
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Why would they do that? Sometimes you go to a nice restaurant, they
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put the check in a little</p>
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<p>book. What is this? The story of the bill? "Once upon a time,
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there were some very hungry people.." What is this? A little
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gold tassle hanging down? Am I graduating</p>
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<p>from the restaurant? What is this about?</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: A restaurant]</p>
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<p>(Jerry, George, and Elaine are all eating at an Italian restaurant.
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George hasn't eaten anything)</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Do you want some of mine?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Take some of mine.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I'll like it? I keep
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trying to like it, like I have to like it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Who said you have to like it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Everybody likes pesto. You walk into a restaurant, that's
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all you hear - pesto, pesto, pesto.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't like pesto.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Where was pesto 10 years ago?</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Gesturing to a man) Look at that guy. (Elaine starts to
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look, but Jerry stops her) I'll bet you he's gettin' hair transplants.
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Any time you see a guy that age</p>
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<p>wearing a baseball cap, ten to one - plugs.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (Elaine turns to look at the man, trying to make it sound
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like they aren't talking about him) The thing about that painting..
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is with the colors and um.. (Turns</p>
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<p>back to Jerry) Oh yeah, plugola.</p>
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<p>(George has started eating Elaine's food - and continues to do
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so)</p>
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<p>JERRY: (To Elaine) Oh, one more thing about the car. Let it warm
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up for a minute.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: That's a tough minute. It's like waiting in the shower
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for the conditioner to work.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't understand why he couldn't take a cab.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Who?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Elaine is having a "houseguest." She's picking
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him up at the airport tonight.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: A guy?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (Slightly embarrassed) Yes, a guy.</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's from a.. Yakima, right?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Seattle.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Everybody's moving to Seattle.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: It's the pesto of cities. So..?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (To Jerry) You tell him.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, from what I can piece together, our friend here met
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a gentleman.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ed.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Who was in town on a business venture, and um..</p>
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<p>ELAINE: ..We shared an interpersonal experience. (George hits his
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glass with his fork. To Jerry) Go on.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So they went out a few times, but apparently, when the fellow
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returned home, he discovered that the Benes tattoo does not wash
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off so easily.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: On some people.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oooh.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So, he's coming in to stay with her for a week.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: It was just gonna be a weekend, but then somehow it became
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a week.</p>
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<p>(The menu at a neighboring table catches fire. Elaine quickly picks
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up a wine glass - about to put it out, but George tosses the menu
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on the floor, and stomps it out.</p>
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<p>The manager approaches)</p>
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<p>MANAGER: What happened?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, the busboy left the menu a little close to the candle.</p>
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<p>MANAGER: Sorry to the disturbance.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (Joking, she snobbishly says) I'm never eating here again.</p>
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<p>(Manager leaves)</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Pats George on the back) Nice going. Thank you, that ought
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to get us a free dessert.. (They can see the manager chewing the
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busboy out from the dining</p>
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<p>room doorway) I think the busboy's in trouble.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Did I get him in trouble? Because of what I said?! I just
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told him what happened.. he didn't do it on purpose.. (Mangager
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and busboy are arguing. The</p>
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<p>busboy points in the direction of George) He pointed at me. Why
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did he point at me?!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I said I would never eat here again.. But, I, I.. he had
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to know I was kidding.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Casually buttering a roll, like he's the innocent one)
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I didn't say anything.</p>
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<p>(The busboy takes of his apron, throws it down, and exits the restaurant)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I can't believe it. He's going! He's fired!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, I said it in a kidding way.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I didn't know he'd get fired.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Jokingly trying to put more pressure on Elaine and George)
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He'll probably kill his family over this.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What if he's waiting for me outside? He pointed at me!
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Did you see him point?!</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Again, joking) A lot of ex-cons become busboys. They seem
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to gravitate twards 'em.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Was it my fault?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Was it my fault?</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Doesn't have a care in the world) ..Maybe I'll try that
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pesto.</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Look, I feel bad for him too, but he'll get another job.
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I mean, let's face it, it's not a profession where you embellish
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your resume and undergo a series of</p>
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<p>grueling interviews.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Eating a sandwich) Oh, like you really know busboys.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, like you do.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey, at least I was a camp waiter.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Scoffing) Camp.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: It was a fat camp. Those kids depended on me.</p>
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<p>(The intercom buzzes, Jerry talks through it)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Elaine?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (Through intercom) Yeah.</p>
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<p>(Jerry pushes a button on the intercom - letting her in)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Busboys are always changing jobs. That's the business. I
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know. I work with these guys. I tallk to them in the kitchen at
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the comedy clubs.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Then why don't you try and get him another job?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'd love to, but I don't know anything about him. He could
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be one of those people that walks around the street pricking people
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with pins.</p>
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<p>(Elaine enters)</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I don't know if you people are aware of this, but I am
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one clever chickadee.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What? Did you get the busboy's number?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: His phone's been disconnected, but I was able to obtain
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an address - 1324 Amsterdam Avenue, apartment 4D. (Hands George
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a card) Now, I did my</p>
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<p>job. (To Jerry) May I have the car keys, please?</p>
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<p>(Jerry hands the car keys to Elaine)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: How did you get all this?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Does the word "charm" mean anything to you?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No. (George grabs his jacket) So now you're going to his
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apartment? I really think this is nuts.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Putting his jacket on) I'd like to apologize. I want to
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tell him I.. I.. didn't mean to get him in trouble.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You, you're going now?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah, I want to see if there's anything I can do.. maybe
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get him another job.. maybe I'll hear of something.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Maybe the fat camp. (To Elaine) You're not going?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I would, but I have to pick up Ed at the airport.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I just don't think you should go alone. Can't you wait till
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after my set?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: It'll take to long.</p>
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<p>(Kramer enters)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Take the K-man. A little support..</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Unsure) I don't a..</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Take me where? Where?</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: An apartment building hallway]</p>
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<p>(George's nervous - standing with Kramer infront of the busboy's
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apartment)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Look, I really appreciate your coming, but if you wouldn't
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mind - try not to say too much.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: What am I gonna say?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I don't know.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, I'm not an idiot.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Certainly not.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Then we're cool.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah.. yeah, we're - we're cool. (Knocks lightly. Kramer
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takes charge by knocking on the door louder. The busboy answers)
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Uh, I'm sorry to bother</p>
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<p>you, I was in the restaurant earlier and I was wondering if I could
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talk to you for a few minutes about what happened. (He gestures
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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for them to come in. They obey)</p>
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<p>I hope I'm not interrupting anything. It's just that I think I
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may have - without realizing it - been responsible for getting you
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fired. (Nervously laughs) And.. and.. and I</p>
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<p>just want you to know that I didn't intend for that to happen.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (Patting George on the shoulder) He's a hell of a guy.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: This is a guy I know.. Kramer.</p>
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<p>(Antonio, the busboy, is watching them suspiciously)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Habla espanol?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (To himself) Oh my God.</p>
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<p>ANTONIO: Si.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Como se dice.. waterbed?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Interrupting) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'm
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really sorry that happened, and if I can help out in any way, I'll
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certainly be glad to do that.</p>
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<p>(Pause) Well, I guess that's about it.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You got anything to drink? Agua?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oy uy uy.. (Antonio points to the sink) We really should
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get going.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Let me get a glass of water. (Heads tward the sink)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hurry up.</p>
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<p>ANTONIO: (Notices that his cat is missing) Pequita? Pequita? (Starts
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to panic)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: His cat's gone.</p>
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<p>ANTONIO: (Notes the door was left wide open) La puerta esta abierta.
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(Starts screaming) La puerta esta abierta! (To Kramer and George)
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Who left the door</p>
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<p>open? (Silence) Who left the door open?! (Kramer and George look
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at eachother) Come on, come on! Help me look! (All three head out
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the door to look)</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Antonio's apartment]</p>
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<p>(All three sit in silence)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: ..You know, cats run away all the time. You know, my aunt,
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she had a cat. Ran away. Showed up three years later.. you never
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know. They got things in</p>
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<p>their brains where they remember where they're from. Unless, of
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course, somebody else starts feeding him. See, that's what you gotta
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worry about.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Gestures for Kramer to shut up) Once again, Antonio, I
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can't even begin to say how deeply, deeply sorry I am about everything.
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The job, the cat.. (A</p>
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<p>lamp breaks) the lamp.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: The wire was sticking out.. (Fits the two broken pieces
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together) Yeah.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Hands Antonio a card) Here's my card. I'm in real estate,
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so, if you're ever looking for something bigger, something nicer..
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(Antonio is staring at him,</p>
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<p>angered) ..maybe not right now. Anyway.. (Extends his hand for
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a handshake. Antonio doesn't move)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You oughta get that wire fixed. (They go to leave) I got
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the door. (Shuts the door, the broken lamp falls to the floor)</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>JERRY: (On the phone) George, stop worrying about this guy. It
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wasn't your fault.. Come on, he's not stalking you.</p>
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<p>(Kramer enters)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (To Kramer) Hey. (To George) He doesn't even know where
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you live.. Who told you to give him your business card?.. (Intercom
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buzzes) That's Elaine.</p>
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<p>(Kramer buzzes her in. Jerry talks into the phone) Kramer.. (To
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Kramer) George wants to know when you want to look for the cat again.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It's been a week. It's up to the cat now.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Into phone) Kramer says it's up to the cat now. (To Kramer)
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It'll be on your conscience.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh? How do you figure?</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Into phone) How do you figure? (To Kramer) 'Cause you're
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the one who left the door open.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Why was I in charge of closing the door?</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Into phone) Why was he in charge of closing the door? (Irritated
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at the phone message relay, to Kramer) 'Cause you came in after
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him!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: So!</p>
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|
<p>JERRY: (Into phone) So! (To Kramer - getting even more angry) So,
|
|
the last person in should close the door!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Let me talk to him.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (To Kramer) Talk - call him from your house. (Elaine enters.
|
|
Kramer leaves. To phone) He's calling you now.. okay. (Hangs up)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ed's downstairs. CAn I have the car keys?</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry pitches her the keys as she goes some tward his bathroom)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No hello?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Got any asprin? (Finds some) Hello. Now, lookit, you guarantee
|
|
this car will get me to the airport tomarrow? No problems?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Guarantee? ..Hey, it's a car.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Because if there's even the slightest chance of any problem
|
|
at all, I don't want to take it - because if I don't get this guy
|
|
on a plane to Seattle and out of my</p>
|
|
<p>life, I'm gonna kill him, and everyone who tries to stop me.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Jokingly asking) So, did you have a nice week together?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I heard a little ping in the car last time. What was that
|
|
ping?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: There's no ping. Why are you so wacky?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Jerry, you cannot imagine how much I hate this guy.. and
|
|
he hasn't even done anything! It's the situation. He's a wonderful
|
|
guy, but I hate his guts!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So, you two been, uh..</p>
|
|
<p>ELAIEN: No! I told him I've been having my period for the last
|
|
five days! I'm sleeping all squished over on the edge of my bed..
|
|
But, I've only got fourteen hours to</p>
|
|
<p>go. Nothing can go wrong now. I think I've taken care of everything.
|
|
I've confirmed the plane reservation. I've checked the weather..</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What's your airport route?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I've got it all mapped out - I'm taking the tunnel.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: ..What about the Van Wyck?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I spoke to a cab driver. For five bucks, he turned me on
|
|
to the Rockaway Boulevard shortcut.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oooh.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Now, lookit, this plane leaves at 10:15. We're getting
|
|
up at about eight. That gives us enough time, right?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You still using that old alarm clock?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAIEN: Oh, no, no. I bought a new one today. It's got everything
|
|
- it's got everything... If you oversleep more than ten minutes,
|
|
a hand comes out and slaps you in</p>
|
|
<p>the face.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Flying doesn't make me nervous - driving to the airport
|
|
can make you very nervous because when you're flying, when you're
|
|
getting on the plane, if you miss</p>
|
|
<p>that plane, there's no alternative. On the ground, you have options.
|
|
You have buses, you have taxis, you have trains. But, when you're
|
|
taking a flight, if you miss it,</p>
|
|
<p>that's it. No airline goes, "Well, you missed the flight,
|
|
we do have a cannon leaving in about ten minutes. Would you be interested
|
|
in that? It's not a direct cannon,</p>
|
|
<p>you have to change cannons after you land." (Imitates cannon
|
|
operator) "I'm sorry, where you goin'? Chicago? (Cranks the
|
|
cannon) Oh, Dallas? Alright, wait a</p>
|
|
<p>second.. (Cranks cannon to Dallas) Dallas. That's about Dallas.
|
|
Texas, anyway. You should hit Texas. Are you ready? Make sure you
|
|
get out of the net</p>
|
|
<p>immediately, because we shoot the luggage in right after you."</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Elaine's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine and Ed are in bed. Elaine awakes to find out that it's
|
|
9:15 - they overslept. She gets frantic)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (Trying to wake Ed up) Get up! The alarm clock didn't go
|
|
off! (Shakes him) It's 9:15! You're gonna miss the plane! It's 9:15!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: 9:15?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yes! 9:15!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: (Going back to sleep) We'll never make it. I'll leave tomarrow.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Tomarrow?! Are you crazy? No, now, now! Let's go! (Gets
|
|
his suitcase from the closet, throws it on the bed, and frantically
|
|
starts packing) You get</p>
|
|
<p>dressed! Get dressed!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: Can I shower?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Shower?! ARe you out of your mind?!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: I gotta shower. I'll feel dirty all day.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Forget the shower! The shower's out. Move it! Put your
|
|
clothes on! Put your clothes on! (Pulls out drawers of clothes,
|
|
turning them over in the suitcase.</p>
|
|
<p>He walks tward the door) Where are you going?</p>
|
|
<p>ED: The kitchen.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The kitchen?!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: I've got a bag of cashews in there.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: They're not making it! Let's get your pants on!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: What's the big deal if we don't make it? I'll just go tomarrow
|
|
or the next day.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No! You have your ticket! You have to go now!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: I'll never make it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Don't say that!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: But it takes forty-five minutes to get there. That'll only
|
|
leave me five minutes to get to the plane.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Shut up and pack!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: And what if I don't make the plane? You'll have already left.
|
|
Then what will I do?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You're talking too much!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: Where's my sweater?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: My brown sweater.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What? What sweater?</p>
|
|
<p>ED: My brown sweater.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You didn't bring a brown sweater.</p>
|
|
<p>ED: I brought a brown sweater.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Here! Here! You want a brown sweater?! (Recahes into one
|
|
of her drawers, and grabs a brown sweater, then packs it) You got
|
|
a brown sweater!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: That's not mine. I can't take your sweater.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: It's brown! (Takes clothes still on the hangers, and dumps
|
|
them into the suitcase)</p>
|
|
<p>ED: What are you doing?!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: NO time for folding.. (Looks around) I think that's it.
|
|
(Zips up the suitcase)</p>
|
|
<p>ED: My shoes. You packed my shoes.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Shoes? Shoes?! Shoes?! Shoes weren't invented till the
|
|
fourth century! People walked around for thousands of years without
|
|
them! (Puts her coat on over</p>
|
|
<p>her nightie. He picks up his suitcase, she grabs it from him, then
|
|
pushes him out of her way) I got this. Let's go!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Anywhere in the city?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Anywhere in the city - I'll tell you the best public toilet.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Okay.. Fifty-fourth and Sixth?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Sperry Rand Building. 14th floor, Morgan Apparel. Mention
|
|
my name - she'll give you the key.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Alright.. Sixty-fifth and Tenth.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Scoffs) ARe you kidding? Lincoln Center. Alice Tully Hall,
|
|
the Met. Magnificent facilities.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>(Elaine enters. She's still wearing her nightclothes under her
|
|
coat. Her hair is messed up. She's been through quite an ordeal)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (Slow, as if remember a dream) I never new I could drive
|
|
like that. I was going faster than I've ever gone before, and yet,
|
|
it all seemed to be happening in</p>
|
|
<p>slow motion. I was seeing three and four moves ahead, weaving in
|
|
and out of lanes like an Olympic skier on a gold metal run. I knew
|
|
I was challenging the very laws</p>
|
|
<p>of physics. At Queens Boulevard, I took the shoulder. At Jewel
|
|
Avenue, I used the median. I had it. I was there.. and then.. I
|
|
hit the Van Wyck. They say no one's</p>
|
|
<p>ever beaten the Van Wyck, but gentlemen, I tell you this - I came
|
|
as close as anyone ever has. And if it hadn't been for that five-car-pile-up
|
|
on Rockaway</p>
|
|
<p>Boulevard, that numbskull would be on a plane for Seattle right
|
|
now instead of looking for a parking space downstairs.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer enters)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: ..The busboy's coming! The busboy's coming!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: The busboy's coming?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You don't mean here?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. I just buzzed him in. He's on his way up..</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: He's coming up?! (Moves to the door) I'll check you out
|
|
later.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Where are you going?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm the one he wants! He's coming to settle the score.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Trying to get George and Kramer out) No. You three all
|
|
know each other. There's no point in me getting involved at this
|
|
stage of the game.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No, he's not going to do anything. I guarantee it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, the hell with it. Let him kill me. I..</p>
|
|
<p>(There's a knock in the hallway)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Antonio. In here!</p>
|
|
<p>(Antonio enters)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Nervous, his voice cracks) Hey, Antonio. How's it going?</p>
|
|
<p>(Antonio crosses over to George, and gives him a hug)</p>
|
|
<p>ANTONIO: Three nights ago, a gas main beneath the restaurant exploded,
|
|
killing five people in my section, including the busboy who replaced
|
|
me. If I am not fired</p>
|
|
<p>that night because of you and your thoughtless, stupid, insensitive
|
|
remarks, it would have been me. You saved my life. (Hugs him again)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Trying to be modest) Ah, come on..</p>
|
|
<p>(The intercom buzzes)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (Into the intercom) Yeah?</p>
|
|
<p>ED: It's Eddie.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He's coming up. (Buzzes him in) He's coming up..</p>
|
|
<p>ANTONIO: And that very same night of the accident, while looking
|
|
for Pequita, I found a job in a restaurant where they pay me almost
|
|
twice what I was making</p>
|
|
<p>before - and when I returned to the apartment, Pequita, perhaps
|
|
frightened from the explosion, had miraculously returned. Well,
|
|
but now, I must go, for today I am</p>
|
|
<p>starting my new and wonderful job. And I am very late. Thank you,
|
|
thank you, thank you all. (Leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>(Everyone ad-libs congratulations to George. Then, we hear a fight
|
|
erupting from the hallway)</p>
|
|
<p>ED: Hey, watch were you're going. You almost knocked my head off!</p>
|
|
<p>ANTONIO: Hey, why don't you watch where you're going, okay? 'Cause
|
|
you bumped into me!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: Who do you think you're talking to, pal?</p>
|
|
<p>ANTONIO: Hey, get your hands off me!</p>
|
|
<p>ED: Go to hell!</p>
|
|
<p>(Antonio screams out profanity in Spanish, then we hear them getting
|
|
into a serious fight)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Coffee shop]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: He'll get another job. He's a busboy!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It won't for a while. At least not until after the cast
|
|
comes off.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was that fall down the stairs. That's what did it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: That's not how it happened. It's when he fell on him with
|
|
his knee.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, that was awful. Poor Antonio. (Waiter hands Elaine
|
|
two bags of food to go) ..Thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So, much longer?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Till when - till he goes back to Seattle, or till he can
|
|
feed himself?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Not wanting to make Elaine mad) I guess it's not important.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Take care of yourselves. (Leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I should probably get going too. If I don't feed Pequita
|
|
by seven, she goes all over everything.. take it easy.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah.. (Takes a bite of his sandwich as the waiter starts
|
|
cleaning off the table) How ya doing?</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: First of all, I can't believe that people actually do fight.
|
|
People have fist fights in life. I can't really believe that we
|
|
have boxing either. It's really kind of an</p>
|
|
<p>amazing thing. To me, the problem with boxing is - you have two
|
|
guys having a fight that have no prior argument. Why don't they
|
|
have the boxers come into the ring</p>
|
|
<p>in little cars, drive around a bit, have a little accident? They
|
|
get out, "Didn't you see my signal?" "Look at that
|
|
fender!" ..Then you'd see a real fight.</p>
|
|
<p>END OF SHOW.</p>
|
|
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|
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