744 lines
36 KiB
HTML
744 lines
36 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
|
|
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"
|
|
xmlns:og="http://opengraphprotocol.org/schema/"
|
|
xmlns:fb="http://www.facebook.com/2008/fbml"><!-- InstanceBegin template="/Templates/seinfeld.dwt" codeOutsideHTMLIsLocked="false" -->
|
|
<head>
|
|
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
|
|
<META NAME="AUTHOR" CONTENT="Doctoroids" />
|
|
<META NAME="COPYRIGHT" CONTENT="© 2002-2010 Doctoroids" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="doctitle" -->
|
|
<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Cafe</title>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<link href="support-files/seinfeld.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" />
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="docdescription" -->
|
|
<meta name="description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of
|
|
The Cafe. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="dockeywords" -->
|
|
<meta name="keywords" content="the cafe, seinfeld scripts, seinfeld, seinfeld episode" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
window.google_analytics_uacct = "UA-16472669-1";
|
|
</script>
|
|
<link rel="image_src" href="images/seinfeld-share.jpg" />
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://s7.addthis.com/js/250/addthis_widget.js#username=doctoroids">var addthis_config = {data_track_clickback: true};</script>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="head" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="pagetype" -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageType="CONTENT";
|
|
</script>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script>
|
|
|
|
<meta property="og:site_name" content="SeinfeldScripts"/>
|
|
<meta property="fb:app_id" content="164823560224402"/>
|
|
<meta property="fb:admins" content="824270386"/>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="ogdata" -->
|
|
<meta property="og:image" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/images/seinfeld-cast.jpg"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:title" content="The Cafe"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:type" content="tv_show"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:url" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheCafe.html"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Cafe. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes"/>
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
|
|
</head>
|
|
<body>
|
|
<div class="wrap">
|
|
<div class="head_title">
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div id="menu">
|
|
<ul>
|
|
<!-- **** INSERT NAVIGATION ITEMS HERE (use id="selected" to identify the page you're on **** -->
|
|
|
|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Gifts</a></li>
|
|
</ul>
|
|
<div class="addthis_toolbox addthis_default_style" id="menu_share">
|
|
<li><a style="padding: 8px 3px 8px 160px" href="http://addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&username=doctoroids" class="addthis_button_compact">Share</a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_facebook"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_twitter"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_googlebuzz"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_digg"></a></li>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="underMenu">
|
|
<a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com">Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community!</a></div>
|
|
|
|
<div id="content"><!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="main_content" -->
|
|
<h1>The Cafe</h1>
|
|
|
|
<p><table width="300" height="250" border="0" align="left" cellpadding="0" style="margin-right:10px;">
|
|
<tr>
|
|
<td>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-in_content-top_left */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4619537930";
|
|
google_ad_width = 300;
|
|
google_ad_height = 250;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
</td>
|
|
</tr>
|
|
</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
|
|
<br>
|
|
Episode #307 </p>
|
|
<p>Originally Aired: November 6, 1991 </p>
|
|
<p>Transcribed by: Juha Auvinen <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cast: <br>
|
|
Jerry Seinfeld....................... Jerry Seinfeld <br>
|
|
Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza <br>
|
|
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes <br>
|
|
Michael Richards................. Cosmo Kramer </p>
|
|
<p>Guest starring: <br>
|
|
Brian George [Babu Bhatt] <br>
|
|
Dawn Arnemann [Monica] </p>
|
|
<p>Written by: Tom Leopold </p>
|
|
<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Opening monologue.] </p>
|
|
<p>There's always that one location, one store location that's constantly
|
|
changing hands. Everybody has this in their neighborhood, it's a leather
|
|
store, it's a yogurt shop, it's a pet supply. It's constantly changing
|
|
and nobody can do business there. It's like some sort of Bermuda triangle
|
|
of retail, you know? Stores open up and then they just disappear without
|
|
a trace. Nobody knows what happened to 'em. I guess eventually when like
|
|
aliens land in mother ship of close encounters, bottom will slowly open
|
|
and all these store owners will come wondering out in a daze going 'I
|
|
thought there would be more walk-in traffic didn't you?.' </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[George and Jerry are standing outside in the street. Across the street
|
|
there is a restaurant called Dream Cafe. Sign says Grand opening.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice, but women
|
|
don't like nice. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: This is amazing, I haven't seen one guy going in to that restaurant
|
|
since it opened. Poor guy. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society we are living in,
|
|
when nice is bad? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's that smell? What are you wearing? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Little cologne. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Manly. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Monica wants me to wear it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So why didn't you say no? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm too nice. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Poor guy. His family is probably in Pakistan waiting him to send
|
|
back money. This is horrible. </p>
|
|
<p>George: She wants me to take an IQ test. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: That's because you're stupid enough to wear the cologne. </p>
|
|
<p>George: No, she's taking this course in education for her masters. It's
|
|
part of her research project, I have to be a guinea pig. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I've never been a guinea pig. I've been a sheep, a tody. </p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, I can't talk to you anymore. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, I'm sorry. Go ahead, you're taking the IQ test. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, and she's going to find I'm a moron. You know, people think
|
|
I'm smart, but I'm not smart. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Who thinks you're smart? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm not going to break a hundred in this thing. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What thing? </p>
|
|
<p>George: You don't listen when people talk to you anymore! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, the IQ thing...yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm sure I have a low IQ. I've been lying about my SAT scores
|
|
for 15 years. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What did you get? </p>
|
|
<p>George: What did I get or what do I say I got? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What do you say? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I say fourteen o nine (1409). </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: 1409, that's a good score. </p>
|
|
<p>George: You're telling me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What did you really get? </p>
|
|
<p>George: You are my friend. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Of course. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I tell you everything, right? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I hope so. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, this I take to the grave. </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Jerry's apartment. Jerry is watching Dream Cafe with binoculars and Elaine
|
|
is reading a newspaper.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He's serving Mexican ,Italian, Chinese. He's all over the place.
|
|
That's why no one is going in. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why do you keep watching? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. It's like a spider in the
|
|
toilet struggling for a survival. And even if you know it's not going
|
|
to make it, you kind of root it for awhile. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: And then you flush. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, it's a spider. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You know, sometimes people won't go in to a place, if they don't
|
|
see anyone else in there. </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry pulls his sweater over his nose.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You have to do that? Jerry, don't do that, that is so annoying.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Bazooka Joe. </p>
|
|
<p>[Buzzer rings and Jerry looks at Elaine who is closer to the door.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: The buzzer. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's your house. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: My house? You have to be on the lease to press to buzzer. Yeah?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Intercom: It's George. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Come on up. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Casus belli. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's that? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's Latin. I read it in some book. I don't know, I just wanted
|
|
to say it out loud. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Go in, go in! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Have you gone in there? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I'm afraid if we start talking, I'm gonna wind up going partners
|
|
with him. </p>
|
|
<p>[George enters. He's got some bagels and big SAT book.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: Hi. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know, I could probably shoot him from here. I'd be doing us
|
|
both a favor. </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine sniffs around.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm wearing some cologne, all right? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Sure, fine. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Casus belli. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Casus belli. </p>
|
|
<p>George: What's that? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Since when do you wear cologne? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Why what I do is so important? Why must I be always the vocal
|
|
point of attention? Let me just be, let me live. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, how did you do on that IQ test? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I didn't take it yet. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What IQ test? </p>
|
|
<p>George: What's casus belli. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, it's nothing... </p>
|
|
<p>George: Is it about me? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why must you always be the vocal point of attention? Why can't
|
|
you just be? Why can't you live? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's just a Latin phrase George, it does not mean anything. Now,
|
|
what is this test? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: This woman he's dating is making him to take this IQ test for
|
|
this course. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, that sounds like fun. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, fun. IQ tests are totally bogus. They prove nothing. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You'll do well, you're smart. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No see, he's not smart. People think he's smart, but he's not.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What did you get on your SAT's? </p>
|
|
<p>George: It varies. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know, I don't even know my IQ. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Mine's 145. </p>
|
|
<p>George: 145! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Get out of here! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You get out of here! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You get out of here! </p>
|
|
<p>George: You should take the test for me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, that would be something, cheating on a IQ test. Hey, remember
|
|
in college when you passed Lettick the test out the window? You became
|
|
a legend after that. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, yeah I really had some guts back then. Why wouldn't we
|
|
do that again? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What? </p>
|
|
<p>George: You could take the IQ test for me. I could pass it to you out
|
|
the window. We could do it, she lives in the first floor. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Are you serious? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Why not? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Where would I take the test? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I don't know, she lives right around the corner. Take it here
|
|
or go to the coffee shop. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, that would be too noisy. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Take it to Dream Cafe, you won't hear a peep. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey, what do you think? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, I love a good caper. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, that's what is is, a caper. </p>
|
|
<p>George: You'll do it? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What the hey. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeaah, beautiful...[They try to hit a high five, but George hits
|
|
Elaine in the forehead.] Sorry... </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Dream Cafe. Jerry comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Babu Bhatt: Welcome to the Dream Cafe. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, I've been looking forward to it. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Oh, how did you hear about us? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Eh, people, people are talking. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Smoking or non smoking? We are proud to offer both. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Non smoking would be great. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Very good. My name is Babu Bhatt, I will be your waiter. A steaming
|
|
hot face cloth for your pleasure. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Thank you. [Throws the towel around like a hot potato.] </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Our specials are tacos, moussaka and franks and beans. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, what do you recommend my good fellow? </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Oh, the turkey. </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, the turkey it'll be. And may I say you have a splendid establishment
|
|
here , my friend. I'm sure you flourish in this location for many many
|
|
years. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: You're a very kind man. Very kind, thank you. Very kind... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry thinks: Very kind. I am a kind man. Who else would do something
|
|
like this? Nobody. Nobody thinks about people like I do. All right, snap
|
|
out of it you stupid jerk. You're eating a turkey sandwich. What do want,
|
|
a nobel price? </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[George is taking a test at Monica's bedroom.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: You go in the living room. I'll take the test in here. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: But why? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I can't concentrate in front of you. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Oh, I think you're making too much of this. IQ tests don't mean
|
|
anything. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Are you kidding me? This is the best tool we have today of measuring
|
|
a persons intelligence. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Well, I certainly don't place any importance on it. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, I think you're wrong about that. And now if you would excuse
|
|
me, I would like to get started please. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Good luck. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Don't need it. </p>
|
|
<p>[Monica leaves and George runs to the window where Elaine is waiting.]
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What's been going on in there? I've been standing here for 20
|
|
minutes. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm sorry I'm sorry, here's the test. Thanks again for doing
|
|
this. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: All right, what time do you want me back here. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Eh, twenty to three. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ok. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Thanks again. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: All right. </p>
|
|
<p>George: And don't settle for 145, you can do better, you're a genius.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Jerry is eating at the Dream Cafe. Babu fills the water for Jerry.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Thank you Babu. You have quite a flair. You are quite the restaurateur
|
|
I must say. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: It is in deed my pleasure. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, please... </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Oh, welcome to the Dream Cafe. Our specials today... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, no no I'll just have a tea and toast. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Tea and toast. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Eat something! Babu... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Um, ok, I'll have the rigatoni. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Oh, very good choice. Very good. </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine is opening an envelope and is very excited.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh wow, so you got the test. You're cheating. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I know. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh boy. Jerry let me ask you something, hi Elaine... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: This guy leaves this jacket at my mothers house two years ago.
|
|
Now, she hasn't spoken to him since and now he says he wants the jacket
|
|
back. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, I'm not giving it back. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why not? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Because I meat a lot of women in this jacket, you know they're
|
|
attracted to it. Why do you think my mother went out with him? </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer takes some nachos and spills some to Elaine's test.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, gees... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, ok...[takes the test and goes to another table.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Anyway, it's been two years. I mean isn't there like statue of
|
|
limitations on that? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Statute. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Statute of limitations. It's not a statue. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No, statue. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Fine, it's a sculpture of limitations. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Just wait a minute...Elaine, Elaine! Now you're smart, is it
|
|
statue or statute of limitations? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Statute. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, I really think you're wrong. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Look, Kramer, I have to take this test ok, I don't have a long
|
|
of time. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What test? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: An IQ test. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Why do you take an IQ test? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's for George. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: George? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, can I...can I explain it to you later? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Why are you taking an IQ test for George? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Would you please?! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What, is it for a job or something? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Later! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You're positive it's statute? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes, yes! </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Welcome, welcome. A steaming hot face cloth...[gives Kramer a hot
|
|
towel and Kramer screams and falls from his chair.] </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Monica's. George is reading a New Yorker on the bed and Monica is trying
|
|
to get in. The door is locked.] </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: George? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah? </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: The door is locked. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, it's locked? </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: I need to get something. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Monica, I'm really focused here, this stuff's a killer. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: George! </p>
|
|
<p>George: Wish I could. </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Dream Cafe. Babu is singing and Elaine gets distracted.] </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Ladadeeda, laadadeeda.... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Babu! If you don't mind? </p>
|
|
<p>[Babu comes to collect dishes from Elaine's table and knocks down a cup
|
|
of coffee.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh my God! It's all over the test! </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh man! Look at this...and I'm late anyway. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Please, forgive me, please... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Go ahead, I'll take care of it. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: I'm very sorry. Tell your friends! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's all right, she was cheating anyway. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: You're a very kind man. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Babu, you're Pakistani? </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Yes, Pakistani, yes. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Babu, may I say something? </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Of course, you're a very smart man, I'll listen. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm not a restaurateur by any means, but it occurred to me that
|
|
perhaps you might serve some dishes from your native Pakistan? As opposed
|
|
to franks and beans for example. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: But there are no Pakistani people here. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Doesn't matter. You would have the only authentic Pakistani restaurant
|
|
in the whole neighborhood. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Yes, you see everything, don't you? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, not everything. I do what I can. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: I'll close down today and when I open again it'll be whole Pakistani
|
|
restaurant. Thank you, thank you very much, you're very special person,
|
|
very special. </p>
|
|
<p>[Babu leaves] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry thinking: I am such a great guy. Who else would've gone through
|
|
the trouble of helping this poor immigrant? I am special. My mother was
|
|
right. Of course I've never had Pakistani food. How bad it could be? </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Elaine is giving the test back to George.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It was an accident. </p>
|
|
<p>George: What did you go on a picnic? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Babu Bhatt did it. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Babu Bhatt? How I'm going to explain this? </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Time's up George. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Ok. [George opens the door.] Here you go. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: How did you do? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Piece of cake. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: What happened to the test? </p>
|
|
<p>George: What? I spilled some food on it. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Food? What food? </p>
|
|
<p>George: What are you talking about? </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Where did you get food? </p>
|
|
<p>George: From my pocket. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: What? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I eh, I had a sandwich in my pocket. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: And coffee? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, had some coffee, yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Where did you get the coffee? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Where did I get the coffee? Where do think I got the coffee,
|
|
from the grocery store. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: How did you get there? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I walked. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: How did you get out of the apartment? I didn't see you leave.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: I climbed out the window. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: You climbed out the window? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Of course. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Why didn't you go out the door? </p>
|
|
<p>George: The door? Why would I go out the door? The window is right here.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Monica: You are a fascinating man, George Costanza. </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Jerry's apartment, Jerry and Elaine. Jerry is looking Dream cafe with
|
|
binoculars. There's a sign on the window: Closed for renovation.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Most people in a situation like this, they walk right by it. Not
|
|
me. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You're very special. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters.] </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, do me a favor. If some guy comes in looking for me, tell
|
|
him you don't know where I am. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Of course, I always do. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No, no it's that guy. He's really been bugging me about the jacket.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Just give it back to him. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, he'll have to kill me. [leaves.] </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry sees George from the window.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey Georgie! </p>
|
|
<p>George: Coming up. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How did you do on the IQ test?! </p>
|
|
<p>George: 85! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What?!! </p>
|
|
<p>George: 85, Jerry! 85 IQ ! </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry laughs.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: 85? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, well, well... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: He's coming up? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, I'm no genius, but according to my calculations he should
|
|
be here in a few seconds. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, but an 85, that's ridiculous. </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, maybe the test was gender bias, you know a lot of questions
|
|
about hunting and testicles... </p>
|
|
<p>[George comes in looking angry.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, hello professor. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: George, I cannot believe... </p>
|
|
<p>George: Please... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No there has got be a mistake. </p>
|
|
<p>George: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father
|
|
gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: But an 85? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: There were too many distractions there. Babu...what ever he's
|
|
name was and Kramer...I couldn't concentrate. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry mocking: It was a madhouse. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry! It was! Let me take it again. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Whow, forget it. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, come on, come on. I guarantee 140. What do you have to lose?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: You could do worst! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, no, I guarantee it. </p>
|
|
<p>George: All right, I'll ask her. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ok, now where I'm going to take it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Take it here, I'll leave, there'll be no distractions. </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Dream Cafe. Babu is on the window looking gloomy. Jerry comes in.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, congratulations my friend. You know, I sorry I missed the
|
|
grand re-opening. I was out of town for about a week. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: You see how I listened. I worked very hard, borrowed more money.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I think it's fantastic. Has a certain indefinable charm. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: You wish to eat? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Let me tell you something Babu. You go back there in that kitchen
|
|
and tell your chef I want the works. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Very good. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry thinking: Very good? No, not very good, very great. I am very,
|
|
very great. </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Jerry's apartment. Elaine is finishing the test.] </p>
|
|
<p>[Monica's bedroom. George is pacing the room.] </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Jerry's monologue.] </p>
|
|
<p>You know the IQ test has always that sample question at the beginning
|
|
where they show how to fill in the circle. It should be the first eliminating
|
|
point right there. Anybody goes outside of that circle, yeah you wanna
|
|
come with us, yeah you're done, the test is over, you went outside the
|
|
circle ok? </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Jerry's apartment. Elaine finishes the test and is packing the stuff.]
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer charges in and locks the door behind him.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What are you doing? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Quiet. Shh, don't say anything. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What's going on? </p>
|
|
<p>Man behind the door: Hey, Kramer! I saw you going there! I'm not leaving
|
|
until I get the jacket. [Bangs on the door] Open up Kramer! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why did you come in here for? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I thought I'd throw him off. See, he knows where I live. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well Kramer, I have to return this test. I've got to get out
|
|
of here. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I thought you took the test. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I had to take it again. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: How come? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What's the difference?!! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, you can't leave now. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What? </p>
|
|
<p>Man behind the door: Come on, Kramer! I want that jacket back! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Never! </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Monica's apartment. George is looking out the window.] </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: George, open up. </p>
|
|
<p>[George opens the door.] </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Well? </p>
|
|
<p>[George shakes her hand.] </p>
|
|
<p>George: How' you doing? </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Where's the test? </p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, it's the damnedest thing. I went out the window again
|
|
to get a cup of coffee... </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Dream Cafe. Babu is looking as Jerry eats.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Babu? Babu...[waves Babu to come to table] Babu...you know, I
|
|
got to tell you, I never do this, but the shrimp, it's just that it's
|
|
a little stringy. You have any chicken? </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: The shrimp is stringy? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, maybe your refrigerator... </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: Quiet!! You shut up! You make me change restaurant, but nobody
|
|
comes! You say make Pakistani, Babu Bhatt have only Pakistani restaurant.
|
|
But where are people? You see people? Show me people. There are no people!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know, I think I'll just take the check. </p>
|
|
<p>Babu: You bad man! You very very bad man! [leaves] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry thinking: Bad man? Could've my mother been wrong? </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Monica's. Elaine is gently tapping on the bedroom window. Monica comes
|
|
to open.] </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Are you looking for George? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well eh, kind of.... </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: George left. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Is that the test? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, this...emm...yeah...here you go. </p>
|
|
<p>Monica: Thanks. I hope you did do a lot better this time. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Actually, you know what, I think I did. The first time I couldn't
|
|
really cons...[Monica closes the window]...entreat. </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[At the street. Dream Cafe has a Closed sign on the window and men are
|
|
carrying furniture out.] <br>
|
|
[George, Jerry and Kramer are standing across the street. Kramer has no
|
|
jacket on.] </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know what it was, bad location. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Lets not stand here, we might run in to her. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Aren't you cold? Where's your jacket? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'm going upstairs. </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine comes.] </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey guys, I just ran in to Monica. You know what my IQ is? 151.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: 151? </p>
|
|
<p>George: That's a good score. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So, what are you up for? How about Mexican? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Italian. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, Chinese. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know, what would be great? </p>
|
|
<p>[George and Elaine give Jerry a long look.] </p>
|
|
<p> <br>
|
|
[Closing monologue.] </p>
|
|
<p>It's tough to do a good deed. Just look at your professional good deed
|
|
doers. Your lone rangers, your superman, your Batman, your Spiderman,
|
|
your Elasticman. They are all wearing disguises, masks over their faces.
|
|
Secret identities. Don't want people to know who they are. It's too much
|
|
aggravation. "Superman, thanks for saving my life, but did you have
|
|
to come through my wall? I'm renting here, I've got a security deposit.
|
|
What am I supposed to do?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- content -->
|
|
|
|
<div id="navBar">
|
|
|
|
<div id="upperBox">
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
|
|
google_ad_width = 200;
|
|
google_ad_height = 200;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="leftnav"><br />
|
|
<ul>
|
|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
|
|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
|
|
|
|
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
|
|
<div>
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
|
|
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
|
|
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
|
|
</div>
|
|
</form>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
</ul>
|
|
<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
|
|
google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|