815 lines
39 KiB
HTML
815 lines
39 KiB
HTML
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<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Calzone </title>
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<h1>The Calzone</h1>
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<p><table width="300" height="250" border="0" align="left" cellpadding="0" style="margin-right:10px;">
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<tr>
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</p>
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<p>first aired : 4/25/96</p>
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<p>director : Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p>writers : Berg / Schaffer</p>
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<p>Characters :</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer</p>
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<p>Jason Alexander as George Costanza</p>
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<p>and</p>
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<p>Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George in a meeting at Yankee Stadium</p>
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<p>George : I believe the doors on the bathroom stalls , here at the
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stadium , </p>
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<p>don't offer much by way of privacy . But I was thinking if we extend
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the doors </p>
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<p>all the way to the floors ......</p>
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<p>Mr. . Steinbrenner : All the way to the floor ! What are you crazy
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! You'd </p>
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<p>suffocate in there . Your lucky you have any doors at all . You
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know when I </p>
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<p>was in the army ...... Hey Costanza . What's that your eating over
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there ? It </p>
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<p>looks pretty tasty . </p>
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<p>George : It's a calzone , sir . </p>
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<p>Mr. . Steinbrenner : A calzone huh . Pass it down here . Let's
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have a look at </p>
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<p>at it . I want a little taste . Come on , come on . Pass it down
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here . That's </p>
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<p>a good boy . Okay . What's in this thing ?</p>
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<p>George : Uh . Cheese , pepperoni , eggplant .</p>
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<p>Mr. . Steinbrenner : Eggplant . Yes . That's a hell of a thing
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. Okay let's </p>
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<p>get back to business . Okay here you go . Very good , very good
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. Excellent . </p>
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<p>excellent calzone you got there Costanza . Okay a little jealous
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now . Okay </p>
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<p>lets go . Ok last week ....... You know that eggplant was very
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good . </p>
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<p>Everybody out . I got eggplant on my mind . Costanza get me couple
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of those </p>
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<p>calzones right now . Pronto . Move out . Big Stein wants an eggplant
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calzone.</p>
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<p>Must have one . Everybody out . Out .</p>
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<p>Jerry and Elaine at apartment </p>
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<p>Elaine : One of those fabric wholesalers . This guy Todd Gack .
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I won a bet </p>
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<p>from him . </p>
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<p>Jerry : What bet ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : He bet me Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars . </p>
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<p>Jerry : Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars !?! Short Jewish guy against
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Darth Vader . </p>
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<p>I don't think so . </p>
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<p>Elaine : That's what I said . </p>
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<p>Jerry : So the bet was that the loser has to buy dinner ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah . </p>
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<p>Jerry : Huh .</p>
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<p>Elaine : What ?</p>
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<p>Jerry : No . nothing . </p>
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<p>Kramer walks in </p>
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<p>Jerry : What's with you ?</p>
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<p>Kramer : Feel this . </p>
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<p>Jerry : Wow .That's hot . </p>
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<p>Kramer : Yeah . It's piquing hot . It's fresh out of the dryer
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. Hey Elaine </p>
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<p>you have to feel my pants . </p>
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<p>Elaine : I'll see you later . </p>
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<p>Kramer : Oh . All right . You don't know what your missing . I'm
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loving this </p>
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<p>Jerry . I am never putting on another piece of clothing unless
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it's straight </p>
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<p>out of the dryer . </p>
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<p>Jerry : So know every time you get dressed . You are going to go
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down to the </p>
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<p>basement and use the dryer . </p>
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<p>Kramer : Oh yeah . It's a warm and wonderful feeling , Jerry .
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So what are you </p>
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<p>doing later ?</p>
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<p>Jerry : I got a date with Nikki . </p>
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<p>Kramer : Oh yeah she's a beauty . </p>
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<p>Jerry : She's also quite bold . </p>
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<p>Kramer : Oh bold and beautiful .</p>
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<p>George and Mr. Steinbrenner at Yankee Stadium</p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : I am loving this calzone . The pita pocket prevents
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it from </p>
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<p>dripping . The pita pocket . (phone rings)What is it Watson ? A
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lost and found </p>
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<p>. No . I don't think we need that . If people keel over because
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they lost </p>
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<p>something that's there tough luck . You got a drip on your mouth
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by the way . </p>
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<p>George : You know a lost and found could be a good idea . </p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Hold on Watson . You like lost and found George
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?</p>
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<p>George : Definitely . </p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : All right lost and found . But these got to
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be a time limit </p>
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<p>. We're not running a pawn shop here . </p>
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<p>Jerry and Nikki at movies</p>
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<p>Jerry : Hey , Elaine . </p>
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<p>Elaine : Hi Jerry !</p>
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<p>Jerry : This is Nikki . </p>
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<p>Nikki : Hi !</p>
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<p>Elaine : Hello . This is Todd Gack . </p>
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<p>Jerry : Oh of course . Todd Gack . You did you bet was in Star
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Wars ? Sammy </p>
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<p>Davis Jr.</p>
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<p>Elaine : So what movie are you guys seeing ?</p>
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<p>Nikki : "Means to an End "</p>
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<p>Elaine : Oh . We were going to see that but it was sold out . So
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were going to </p>
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<p>see " Blame it on the Rain "</p>
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<p>Jerry : Why don't you see what you can do ?</p>
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<p>Nikki : Okay . </p>
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<p>Elaine : What's she going to do ? There's no more tickets . </p>
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<p>Jerry : We'll see . </p>
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<p>Todd : Hey Jerry . Do you like cigars ?</p>
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<p>Jerry : Yeah . Why ?</p>
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<p>Todd : I am going to Montreal tomorrow and they sell them dirt
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cheap . </p>
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<p>Jerry : Hey ,that might be a nice idea for George's wedding . </p>
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<p>Todd : So do you want a box ?</p>
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<p>Jerry : Sure . If there cheap Why not . </p>
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<p>Todd : All right I buy a box and give to Elaine . </p>
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<p>Nikki : Okay two tickets "Means to an End" </p>
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<p>Jerry : Told you . </p>
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<p>Elaine : How did you do that ?</p>
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<p>Nikki : I just talked to the manager . </p>
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<p>Jerry : All right . Enjoy " Blame it on the Rain "</p>
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<p>Jerry and George at the coffee shop </p>
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<p>George : There putting in a lost and found because of me . There's
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a time </p>
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<p>limit but still . </p>
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<p>Jerry : There really building a Utopian society up there huh .And
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you </p>
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<p>tribute all this to the calzone . </p>
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<p>George : Yeah . I am like a drug dealer . I got the guy hooked
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. I am having </p>
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<p>lunch at his desk everyday this week . He doesn't make a move without
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me . </p>
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<p>It's very exciting . </p>
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<p>Jerry : With you two guys at the helm . The last piece of the puzzle
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is in </p>
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<p>place. </p>
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<p>George : So let me ask you a question about the tip jar . I had
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a little </p>
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<p>thing with the calzone guy this week . I go to drop a buck in the
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tip jar and </p>
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<p>just as I am about to drop it in he looks the other way . And then
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when I am </p>
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<p>leaving he gives me this look think thanks for nothing . I mean
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if they don't </p>
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<p>notice it what's the point . </p>
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<p>Jerry : So you don't make it a habit of giving to the blind . </p>
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<p>George : Not bills . </p>
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<p>Jerry : So George . Remember when I told you Nikki gets whatever
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she wants . </p>
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<p>We are at the movies last night . It's sold out . Nikki goes and
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talks to the </p>
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<p>manager . Right in . </p>
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<p>George : Beautiful women . You know they could get away with murder
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. You </p>
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<p>never she any of them lift anything over three pounds . They get
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whatever they </p>
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<p>want whenever they want it . You can't stop them . </p>
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<p>Jerry : She's like a beautiful Godzilla . </p>
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<p>George : Without thousands of fleeing Japanese . </p>
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<p>Jerry and Kramer at his apartment</p>
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<p>Kramer : Hey buddy . </p>
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<p>Jerry : What the hell is all this ?</p>
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<p>Kramer : I am looking for quarters for the dryer . </p>
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<p>Jerry : Why can't you do this on your table ?</p>
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<p>Kramer : Because I don't have a table . </p>
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<p>Elaine walks in </p>
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<p>Elaine : Hey .</p>
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<p>Jerry : Hey . So how was "Blame it on the Rain ?"</p>
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<p>Elaine : Huh . Yeah thanks for getting us tickets too .</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Jerry : Oh !! Let me ask you a question . Was the movie part of
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the bet ?</p>
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<p>Kramer leaves </p>
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<p>Elaine : No . We were both in the mood for one . </p>
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<p>Jerry : You know Elaine , It is not my way to intrude on the personal
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lives of </p>
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<p>close fiends ....</p>
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<p>Elaine : Oh is that so .</p>
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<p>Jerry : Absolutely . But I feel I must inform you that what happened
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last </p>
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<p>night was more than a simple bet . </p>
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<p>Elaine : What are you talking about ?</p>
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<p>Jerry : Come on . Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars . He made a bet he
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knew he was </p>
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<p>going to lose just to take you to dinner </p>
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<p>Elaine : If he wanted to ask me out why didn't he just ask me.
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</p>
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<p>Jerry : Because if he doesn't ask you out he doesn't get rejected
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. He has </p>
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<p>found a dating loop hole .</p>
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<p>Elaine : I don't buy it.</p>
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<p>Kramer walks in with more change </p>
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<p>Jerry : So what happened after the movie ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Nothing . He walked me home .</p>
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<p>Jerry : To the door ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah .</p>
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<p>Jerry : That's a date . </p>
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<p>Elaine : No it's not . </p>
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<p>Jerry : But I never walk you home .</p>
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<p>Elaine : That's just because your a jackass . </p>
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<p>Kramer : Ah !! I found a quarter . Anybody want there clothes heated
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up ?</p>
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<p>Jerry : No , no . </p>
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<p>Elaine : No , no . </p>
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<p>Jerry : So how did you leave it with him ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : I am supposed to meet him to pick up your cigars . </p>
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<p>Jerry : That's another loop hole . That's two dates without asking
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you out . </p>
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<p>Elaine : Your crazy !</p>
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<p>Jerry : Crazy like a man . </p>
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<p>George at Pisano's</p>
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<p>Worker : Number 49. </p>
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<p>George : You know my last name is Costanza . That's Italian . So
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you and I are </p>
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<p>like country men . Pisano's !</p>
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<p>Worker : $ 6.50 your change . </p>
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<p>George : And I always take care of my Pisano's . So here is a little
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</p>
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<p>something.</p>
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<p>( drop in tip and worker looks the other way , so George decides
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to take it </p>
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<p>out and try again only to get caught )</p>
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<p>Worker : Hey ! You steal my money !!</p>
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<p>George : No no . That's not what I was trying to do . </p>
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<p>Worker : I know what you try to do . Get out . Don't ever come
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back ever . </p>
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<p>George and Mr. Steinbrenner at Yankee Stadium </p>
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<p>George : I got your calzones Mr. Steinbrenner . </p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Beautiful . I am starving George . </p>
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<p>George : I thought tomorrow maybe we'd try a little corn beef .
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</p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Corn beef . I don't think so . It is a little
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fatty . </p>
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<p>George : How about Chinese ?</p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Uhhhhh . No . Too many containers . Big mess
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, big mess . </p>
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<p>Too sloppy .I want to stick with the calzones from Pisano's . That's
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the </p>
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<p>ticket . </p>
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<p>George : I just thought it would be nice . A little variety . </p>
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<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : No , no , no . George let me tell you something
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. When I </p>
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<p>find something I like I stick with it . From 1973 to 1982 I ate
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the exact same </p>
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<p>lunch everyday . Turkey chili in a bowl made out of bread . Bread
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bowl George </p>
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<p>. First you eat the chili then you eat the bowl . There's nothing
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more </p>
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<p>satisfying than looking down after lunch and seeing nothing but
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a table . </p>
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<p>Todd walking Elaine to her apartment </p>
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<p>Elaine : Thanks for the dinner . </p>
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<p>Todd : Well I had to give these cigars and we were both hungry
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. </p>
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<p>Elaine : Hey Todd . Let me ask you a question . Um . Was this whole
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date thing </p>
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<p>just a way of asking me out ?</p>
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<p>Todd : What ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : I mean Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars ?</p>
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<p>Todd : Elaine that was a legitimate bet and I lost so I bought
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you dinner . </p>
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<p>Elaine : Oh all right . Okay well , goodnight . </p>
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<p>Todd : Hey , if your not doing anything Saturday do you want to
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meet somewhere </p>
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<p>?</p>
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<p>Elaine : See what is that ? Is that a date ?</p>
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<p>Todd : Why can't two people go and do something without it being
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a date ?</p>
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<p>Elaine : All right . I am sorry it's not a date . </p>
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|
<p>Todd : No way . So I'll see you Saturday night ?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : All right . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Pick you up at 8:00 p.m.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Nikki getting pulled over by a cop </p>
|
|
<p>Police officer : Do you know what the posted speed limit on this
|
|
road is ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I was got to be 55 .</p>
|
|
<p>Police officer : That's right it is . Do you know how fast you
|
|
were going ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : A lot faster than that !</p>
|
|
<p>Police officer : Step out of the car sir . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Okay dokey </p>
|
|
<p>Police officer : Can I have your license and registration please
|
|
?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Absolutely . Nikki !</p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Yes . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Would you mind bringing the officer the registration ?</p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Not at all . </p>
|
|
<p>Police officer : I got you on the radar at 93 miles per hour .
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : You must have gotten me when I slowed down to take that
|
|
curve because </p>
|
|
<p>for a while there I was doing well over 100 . </p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Officer . Hi . Do you really have to give us a ticket ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : All right Nik . That's it . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer and Jerry at his apartment </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Hey buddy . I am waiting for my shirt . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : You got your shirt in my oven !?!</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : I didn't have any quarters for the dryer . Anyway this
|
|
is better . </p>
|
|
<p>And it's more convenient . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : For both of us .</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : And I have a lot more control . I have one shirt going
|
|
for 10 minutes </p>
|
|
<p>at 325 degrees . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : What's wrong with your oven ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : I am baking a pie !</p>
|
|
<p>Buzz , buzz</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Yeah .</p>
|
|
<p>George : Yeah . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Come on up . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : You got cigars , huh . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I got some Cubans for George's wedding . They were more
|
|
than I wanted </p>
|
|
<p>to pay for but what the hell !</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Oh yeah baby . spit , spit . What are these ? " Perducto
|
|
de Peru "</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry , if you think these are Cubans you have another thing coming
|
|
. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Peru ! I paid $300 bucks for these . I could have bought
|
|
a house in </p>
|
|
<p>Peru for $300 bucks !</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : You got ripped buddy . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I got to pay this Todd Gack guy $300 bucks just so he has
|
|
some excuse </p>
|
|
<p>to see Elaine again without asking her out . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : That's a nice name . Todd Gack . Is that Dutch ? ( Dingggggg
|
|
)</p>
|
|
<p>Oh baby . Here we go . Uh momma .(putting his fresh out of the
|
|
oven shirt </p>
|
|
<p>on ) Hey George hey . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer leaves </p>
|
|
<p>George : Well this is bad . I am really in a bad situation now
|
|
. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : so what is Steinbrenner going to do if he doesn't get his
|
|
calzones ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : What's he going to do ? That's exactly the point . Nobody
|
|
knows what </p>
|
|
<p>this guy is capable of ! He fires people like it is a bodily function
|
|
. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Why don't you get someone else from the office to go get
|
|
Pisano's for </p>
|
|
<p>you ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Because before you know it he'll be having lunch with
|
|
him . You know </p>
|
|
<p>how these interoffice politics work . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : No . I never had a job . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer walks in with no pants on </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : I decided to go with the brown one 's . (pants)</p>
|
|
<p>George : What the hell is this ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Kramer's cooking up some corduroy . </p>
|
|
<p>George : There has got to be some way to get back into Pisano's
|
|
.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Pisano's . That's the place by the stadium right ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Yeah . You've heard of it ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Yeah . Newman raves about it . It's on his mail route
|
|
. He goes by </p>
|
|
<p>there everyday . </p>
|
|
<p>George : I'll see you guys later .</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : What kind of pie are you cooking ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Huckleberry .</p>
|
|
<p>George at Newman's apartment </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : You certainly are in a bind . </p>
|
|
<p>George : Yeah . And since you go buy there everyday . I was hoping
|
|
that we </p>
|
|
<p>could help each other out . </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : Oh well . Let me perfectly blunt . I don't care for you
|
|
Costanza . </p>
|
|
<p>You hang out at the west side of the building with Seinfeld all
|
|
day and just </p>
|
|
<p>it up wasting your lives . </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>George : Are you going to help me or not ?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman : All right , all right . I'll help you but I will except
|
|
something in </p>
|
|
<p>return . </p>
|
|
<p>George : What ?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman : Well for starters I want a calzone of my own .....</p>
|
|
<p>George : All right . </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : And a slice of pepperoni pizza and a large soda and three
|
|
times a </p>
|
|
<p>week I will require a canolie . </p>
|
|
<p>George : That's a little steep don't you think ?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman : You know I hear Mr. Steinbrenner can be a bit erratic
|
|
. I would hate </p>
|
|
<p>to see him when he's hungry . </p>
|
|
<p>George : All right , all right . </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : Do we have a deal ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : But I have to have them by one o'clock . He's very regiment
|
|
about his </p>
|
|
<p>meals . </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : I know exactly how he feels . Pleasure doing business
|
|
with you . Do </p>
|
|
<p>come again . Ha , ha , ha , ha .</p>
|
|
<p>Todd and Elaine at a restaurant </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : This is nice . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Gack . Party of four . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Party of four ? Who are we meeting ?</p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Mom ! Dad ! This is Elaine . </p>
|
|
<p>Mom : Hello . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Hellllllooooo . </p>
|
|
<p>End of dinner </p>
|
|
<p>Mom : Nice meeting you . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Bye mom . </p>
|
|
<p>Mom : She's wonderful . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : What the hell was that ?</p>
|
|
<p>Todd : What ?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Why did you introduce me to your parents ?</p>
|
|
<p>Todd : There nice people . I thought you would like them . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Come on Todd . Admit it , this is a date . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Why is this a date ?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Saturday night with your parents . Unless I'm your sister
|
|
this is a </p>
|
|
<p>date.</p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Elaine . I don't understand why you can't meet someone else's
|
|
parents </p>
|
|
<p>without classifying it as a date . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Well if it's not a date then what is it ?</p>
|
|
<p>Todd : It's a lovely evening together . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : I don't believe this . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Well I am getting a cab want to join me ?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : No . I'll just walk home . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Okay goodnight . ( goes to kiss her ) </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Now what was that ?</p>
|
|
<p>George at Newman's apartment</p>
|
|
<p>Knock , knock </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : Hello . What 's this ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Well I was dropping of the calzone money for the week
|
|
.... Um </p>
|
|
<p>shouldn't you be at work by now ?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman : Work ? It's raining . </p>
|
|
<p>George : Soooooo </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : I called in sick . I don't work in the rain . </p>
|
|
<p>George : You don't work in the rain ? Your a mailman . " Neither
|
|
rain nor sleet </p>
|
|
<p>nor snow ....." It's the first one . </p>
|
|
<p>Newman : I was never that big on creeds . </p>
|
|
<p>George : You were supposed to deliver my calzones . We had a deal
|
|
!</p>
|
|
<p>Newman : I believe the deal was that I get the calzones on my mail
|
|
route . </p>
|
|
<p>Well today I won't be going on my mail route ! Will I . Perhaps
|
|
tomorrow . </p>
|
|
<p>George : But I'm paying you !</p>
|
|
<p>Newman : Yes thank you . ( slams door )</p>
|
|
<p>George : Newman !!</p>
|
|
<p>Nikki and Jerry at his apartment </p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Peru ? I thought you wanted cigars from Cuba ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I did . </p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Well if these aren't what you wanted then why did you pay
|
|
him ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Well what could I do ? Unless you pay him a visit .</p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Okay . </p>
|
|
<p>George at Kramer's apartment</p>
|
|
<p>Knock , knock </p>
|
|
<p>George : Kramer !</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Hey you !</p>
|
|
<p>George : Look I need you to do me a favor . I need you to get me
|
|
lunch at </p>
|
|
<p>Pisano's . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : What happened to Newman ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : He called in sick . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Oh yeah right it's raining .</p>
|
|
<p>George : Can you do it ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : What time do you need it at ?</p>
|
|
<p>George : 1:00 p.m. Do you need any money ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : No . I got eight tons of change . I'm loaded . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer on street </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Hey hold that bus ! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer at Pisano's </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Hey . It's really wet out there . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : What can I get you ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : I here you make a pretty mean calzone .</p>
|
|
<p>Worker : Calzone !</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Yeah calzone . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : The best !</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : All right . Lay them on me . I'll take three . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : Three calzones . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Hey . That's a big oven . Huh . Listen . I was wondering
|
|
if you could </p>
|
|
<p>do me a favor . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine goes to the coffee shop</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Hey Todd . </p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Hi . You know Nikki . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine Yeah sure . </p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : Wait . Elaine will settle this . What's the "M"
|
|
stand for in Richard </p>
|
|
<p>M. Nixon ? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Milhouse . </p>
|
|
<p>Nikki : I told you so . He said it was Moe . You owe me a dinner
|
|
. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer at Pisano's </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : Your order is ready . Three calzones and one shirt and
|
|
jacket . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Oh . This is all burned up . Look at this . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : What the hell do I know about cooking a shirt ? What the
|
|
hell is </p>
|
|
<p>this? Your paying in pennies ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : That's all I got . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : No . You have to have bills . Paper money . You can't
|
|
pay with this. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : I told you this is all I got . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker : Then no calzones . </p>
|
|
<p>Worker and Kramer yelling at each other back and forth in Italian
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George's office at Yankee Stadium </p>
|
|
<p>George : What happened ? Where have you been ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : The guy wouldn't give them to me because I wanted to pay
|
|
in change . </p>
|
|
<p>George : What the hell happened to your shirt ?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : He overcooked it . It's ruined . </p>
|
|
<p>George : Your clothes smell just like Pisano's . There's another
|
|
Italian place </p>
|
|
<p>on Jerome . Maybe I can fool him . </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner at his office </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner on phone : That's right . Do you want to say it
|
|
again . I'll </p>
|
|
<p>say it again . I hadn't had a pimple since I was eighteen and I
|
|
don't care </p>
|
|
<p>that you don't believe me or not . And how's this . Your fired
|
|
. Okay your not </p>
|
|
<p>.I am just a little hungry . Where's Costanza with my calzone .
|
|
It's 1:15 . </p>
|
|
<p>He's late . That smell . I have to call you back . Costanza . He's
|
|
in the </p>
|
|
<p>building . Costanza is in the building and he's not in this office
|
|
. Costanza </p>
|
|
<p>! I'll get you . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Elaine at apartment </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Stupid cigars . You know if I didn't send Nikki over to
|
|
talk to him </p>
|
|
<p>they wouldn't be together . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : These are terrible . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : It's like trying to smoke a chicken bone .</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : What kind of a name is Todd Gack anyway . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I think it's Dutch . I got to get going . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Where are you going ?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I ... uh ....promised Nikki that I'd walk her dog for her
|
|
. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : But she broke up with you . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I know , I know . But some how she explained it to me and
|
|
I couldn't </p>
|
|
<p>say no . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : It smells like a rubber fire . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry :What's that ?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : I said rubber fire . </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Oh . </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Did you ever pay Todd for these things ? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Actually it's being taken care of right now . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer at Todd's apartment </p>
|
|
<p>Knock , knock </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : You Gack ?</p>
|
|
<p>Todd : Yeah . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Here's your money . </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer throws a bag full of change at him </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner in George's office </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : George . Why do these clothes smell like Pisano's
|
|
?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Because they were heated up there . </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Heating up your clothes ? That's not a bad idea
|
|
.</p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
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|
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- content -->
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|
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|
<div id="navBar">
|
|
|
|
<div id="upperBox">
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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<div class="leftnav"><br />
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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