1162 lines
42 KiB
HTML
1162 lines
42 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Foundation</h1>
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<br>
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Transcribed by: Derek Smith</p>
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<p><br>
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Season 8, Episode #135<br>
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Original Air Date: September 19, 1996.<br>
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<br>
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Cast:<br>
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Jerry Seinfeld... Jerry<br>
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Jason Alexander... George<br>
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus... Elaine<br>
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Michael Richards... Kramer</p>
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<p><br>
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Guest Starring:<br>
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Janeane Garofalo... Jeannie Steinman<br>
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Bruce Davison... Wyck<br>
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Grace Zabriskie... Mrs. Ross<br>
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Warren Frost... Mr. Ross<br>
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Joe Urla... Dugan<br>
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Susan Walters... Dolores<br>
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Todd Bosley... Joey<br>
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Diana Castle... Mrs. Zanfino<br>
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Stuart Quan... Sensei<br>
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Herb Mitchell... Businessman #1<br>
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Robert Louis Kempf... Businessman #2<br>
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Lawrence A. Mandley... Larry<br>
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Lauren Bowles... Waitress #1<br>
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Peggy Lane... Waitress #2<br>
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Paige Tamada... Clara<br>
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Robert Padnick... Willie<br>
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Ruthie Cohen... Ruthie<br>
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<br>
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[First scene.<br>
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The cemetery. Jerry, George, and the Rosses are standing in front of Susan's
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tombstone, which reads "Susan Biddle Ross, June 8, 1964 - May 19,
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1996."]<br>
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<br>
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George: Well... it's a magnificent stone.<br>
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<br>
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Mr. Ross: They put it up this morning.<br>
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<br>
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[pause.]<br>
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<br>
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George: It's just a magnificent stone. (turns to Jerry) Jerry?<br>
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<br>
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[Jerry, obviously uncomfortable, turns slowly and shrugs his shoulders
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at George.]<br>
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<br>
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Mrs. Ross: George... we'll leave you alone with her.<br>
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<br>
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George: What?<br>
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<br>
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Mrs. Ross: I'm sure there are things you'd like to say.<br>
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<br>
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[She pats his shoulder, and then she and her husband leave Jerry and George
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alone with Susan.]<br>
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<br>
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George: No, I-I-I-I'm good. Really.<br>
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<br>
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[Jerry turns around to follow the Rosses.]<br>
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<br>
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George: Jerry...<br>
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<br>
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[He tries to keep Jerry there, but Jerry jerks away. George then turns
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to Susan's stone nervously, trying to think of where to begin. Meanwhile,
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Mrs. Ross offers Jerry an alcoholic beverage of some sort.]<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Thank you, no.<br>
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<br>
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[She continues drinking.]<br>
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<br>
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George: (to Susan's stone) ...And then, right after the All-Star Break,
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we, we just swept the Orioles. Four games. In Baltimore. (adjusts necktie
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nervously) So... yeah.<br>
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<br>
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[New scene.<br>
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Jerry's apartment.]<br>
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<br>
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George: Boy, that was awkward!<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: I don't mind the cemetery.<br>
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<br>
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George: What were you saying to the Rosses over there, anyway?<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Oh, I don't know. I told them her death takes place in the shadow
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of new life. She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her.<br>
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<br>
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George: What is that?<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Star Trek II.<br>
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<br>
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George: (identifying it) Wrath of Khan!<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Right. Kramer and I saw it last night. Spock dies, they wrap him
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up in a towel, and they shoot him out the bowel of the ship in that big
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sunglasses case.<br>
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<br>
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George: That was a hell of a thing when Spock died...<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Yeah...<br>
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<br>
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[For a brief moment, the two become overwhelmed with emotion.]<br>
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<br>
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George: Well anyway, the, uh... the stone is up, I paid my respects, guess
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that's it.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: So it's over?<br>
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<br>
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George: I have mourned for three long months! Summer months, too! Anybody
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could grieve in January! It's time for George to start being George again.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: All right, so uh, let's do something later. How 'bout a movie?<br>
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<br>
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George: Yes! Nothing says George like a movie!<br>
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<br>
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[Kramer enters as George is leaving.]<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: Movie?<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Yeah, you in?<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: No, no, no, I can't. I got my martial arts class.<br>
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<br>
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George: George is going to the movies! (exits)<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: (to Kramer) So how's your karate class going?<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: (pronouncing it "kar-ah-tay") Karate, Jerry. Karate.
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|
The lifetime pursuit of balance and harmony.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: ...But with punching and kicking.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: Jerry, karate is not here (pointing to the ground). It's here
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(points to head), and here (points to chest), and here (makes a circle
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with his hands).<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Alright, I gotta go to the airport to pick up Elaine.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: What, she's been away?<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: She's been in Mexico for six weeks.<br>
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|
<br>
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Kramer: No, I really think you're wrong. We just went to the fireworks
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the other day.<br>
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|
<br>
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Jerry: That was July 4th!<br>
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|
<br>
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|
[Kramer pauses to think.]<br>
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|
<br>
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Jerry: Alright, I'm outta here, and when I get back, I don't want to see
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you here (points to kitchen), here (points to living room), or here (makes
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|
similar circle with his hands).<br>
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<br>
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|
[New scene.<br>
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The coffee shop.]<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Elaine: It was unbelievable. Six weeks of traveling through Mexico all
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on Peterman's peso.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry: Wow. So did you get any good ideas for the catalog?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Elaine: Oh, tons!<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry: Anything you couldn't have gotten tearing open a bag of Doritos
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|
and watching Viva Zapata?<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (laughs sarcastically) You don't respect my work at all, do you?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry: No, I don't.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: So what's been going on around this dump? How's your fiancee?<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Jerry: My what?<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Elaine: Jeannie... your fiancee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, yeah, that. Well...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: All right. Spill it, Jerome.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: There's really not that much to tell.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[flashback sequence of Jerry and Jeannie at the coffee shop begins as
|
|
Jerry narrates.]<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
"About a month ago, we were here having lunch, when all of a sudden
|
|
we both just blurted out..."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry & Jeannie: (simultaneously) I hate you!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[They both chuckle over the coincidence.]<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Jeannie: See ya.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry: See ya.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
[Jeannie returns her ring to Jerry, who puts it in his pocket.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
"It was unprecendented. I mean, it was the first truly mutual breakup
|
|
in relationship history."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[flashback ends.]<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Jerry: (continuing) No rejection, no guilt, no remorse.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Elaine: You've never felt remorse.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry: I know, I feel bad about that...<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Elaine: I bet your parents were upset, huh?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry: Eh.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Elaine: You haven't told them yet, have you?<br>
|
|
<br>
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Jerry: No.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
J. Peterman's office.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dugan: "So I pressed through the rushes, there below me, the shimmering
|
|
waters of Lake Victoria..."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: Oh, for the love of God, man! Just tell me what the product
|
|
is.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dugan: It's a, uh, washcloth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: No washcloths!<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Elaine: Well, Mr. Peterman, I've got a really good idea for a hat. It
|
|
combines the spirit of old Mexico with a little big city panache. I like
|
|
to call it the Urban Sombrero.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: (rubbing his neck) Oh, my neck is one gargantuan monkey fist.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Are you okay, Mr. Peterman?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: Yes, yes. Go on, go on, go on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Well, see, it's... businessmen taking siestas. You know, it's
|
|
the, uh, the Urban Sombrero.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Peterman walks out, groaning.]<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Elaine: Mr. Peterman?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
The street.]<br>
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|
<br>
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|
George: (inhales deeply) I tell you, Jerry, I'm feeling something. Something
|
|
I haven't felt in a long time.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Pride?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: No. Autonomy, complete and total autonomy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, you're your own boss now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I wanna go to a tractor pull.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Go ahead.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I am staying out all night!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Who's stopping you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I wanna bite into a big hunk of cheese, just bite into it like
|
|
it's an apple.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Whatever.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry sees someone he knows.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh God.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It's Dolores.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Who?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Mulva.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Dolores notices Jerry.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dolores: Jerry, hi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hi, Dolores. George, you remember Dolores?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Dolores!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dolores: Hi. (to Jerry) I heard you got engaged.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yes, Dolores, I did. It didn't work out, though, Dolores.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dolores: Oh, that's too bad. You know... we should get together sometime.
|
|
See ya.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: See ya.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Bye, Dolores.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Dolores walks away.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I thought Mulva hated you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, so did I. You know what? I bet it was the engagement. I've
|
|
shown I can go all the way.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
George: All the way?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Not our "all the way", their "all the way."
|
|
I got the stink of responsibility on me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah, and you were engaged for like a minute, I was engaged for
|
|
a year.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You stink worse than I do!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'm feeling something else here, Jerry!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
J. Peterman's office.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Secretary: Elaine, it's Mr. Peterman on the phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (answers the phone) Hello, Mr. Peterman, how are you feeling?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: Elaine, I'll be blunt. I'm burnt out. I'm fried. My mind
|
|
is as barren as the surface of the moon. I can run that catalog no longer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What? Well, who's gonna do it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: What about you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Me? Why me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: Why, indeed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you can't leave.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Burma?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
J. Peterman: You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be
|
|
Burma to me. Bonne chance, Elaine. (to a passerby) You there on the motorbike!
|
|
Sell me one of your melons! (runs after him)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The phone is not hung up.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Mr. Peterman?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
Jerry's apartment.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Where?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Burma.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Isn't it Myanmar now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Jerry, he wants me to run the catalog! It's crazy! I can't be
|
|
in charge!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, certainly not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I mean, I can't give people orders!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No one's gonna listen to you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I am not qualified to run the catalog!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You're not qualified to work at the catalog.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine groans in frustration as Kramer enters.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey. (notices Elaine) What's wrong?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Oh, Peterman ran off to Burma, and now he wants me to run the
|
|
catalog.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Where?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Myanmar.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: The discount pharmacy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Well, I'm just gonna tell him no. I can't run the catalog.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Whoa, whoa. Can't? When did that word enter your vocabulary? What,
|
|
is the job too difficult? (Jerry nods) What, you don't have enough experience?
|
|
(Jerry shakes his head) Oh, you're not smart enough? (Jerry shakes his
|
|
head) Where's your confidence? (Jerry shrugs his shoulders) Look, Elaine,
|
|
let me tell you a story. When I first studied karate...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Karate?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, karate. I had no support. Not from him, not from Newman,
|
|
no one. The first time I sparred with an opponent, I was terrified. My
|
|
legs, they were like noodles. But then I looked inside, and I found my
|
|
katra.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Katra?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, your spirit, your, uh, being. The part of you that says,
|
|
"Yes, I can!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Sammy Davis had it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: So I listened to my katra and now <vreep> I'm dominating
|
|
the dojo. I'm class champion.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Well, you know, I, I have watched Peterman run the company.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Sure you have.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I know how to do it. Pair of pants, a stupid story, a huge markup.
|
|
I can do that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: You follow your katra, and you can do anything. (leads her to
|
|
the door) Now get out of here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (excitedly) Okay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer slams the door behind her.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: That kid is gonna be all right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, she's not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[There's a knock at Jerry's door.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Joey: Come on, Kramer!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Joey: Come on. Mom's down in the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Okay, Joey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Joey exits.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You guys both have class at the same time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No, we're in the same class.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What do you mean you're in the same class?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: He almost beat me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer, you're fighting children?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: We're all at the same skill level, Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: He's nine years old! You don't need karate, you can just wring
|
|
his neck!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Car horn honks.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I got carpool. (exits)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
Kramer's carpool.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Thanks for the juice box, Mrs. Z.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Joey: Hey, could we stop for ice cream on the way home, mom?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Zanfino: Mmm, I don't know...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The kids begin pleading, so Kramer joins in.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Zanfino: All right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kids & Kramer: Yay!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
J. Peterman's office. Elaine has called in all her new employees.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dugan: *You're* taking the job?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: You got that straight. Now I want four new ideas from each of
|
|
you by 6:00. No, make that six ideas by 4:00. All right, let's move, move,
|
|
move, move, move!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[As everyone rushes out, Elaine laughs, amazed at the new power she now
|
|
holds.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
Kramer's karate class.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Sensei: Are you prepared for kumite?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer & Joey: Yes, sensei.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Sensei: Fight stance.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer & Joey assume fight stance.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Sensei: Hydjama! Begin!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer then frantically makes several karate hand motions, intimidating
|
|
Joey. What follows is a montage of sequences featuring Kramer challenging
|
|
his class. He grabs an opponent by the foot and flips him over; knocks
|
|
one out with a simple karate chop to the head; has another turned upside
|
|
down being shaken violently; drags another along the floor; and chases
|
|
several at once.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Sensei: (raising Kramer's arm) Winner!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The other kids bow their heads in disgrace.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
George's apartment, in a very cluttered state. George is walking around
|
|
in nothing but boxers, humming to himself while carrying a soda and a
|
|
block of cheese. There's a knock at his door.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: It's open!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[As George plops onto the sofa, the Rosses enter.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (surprised) Rosses.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Ross: Hello, George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well, uh... come in, come, come in. (frantically clears the couch
|
|
of newspapers and crumbs)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross: We, uh, tried to call, but the line was busy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh. Oh. Yeah, sure. Here. Uh, sit down. Uh, uh, cheese, there?
|
|
(he grabs a suit jacket from the desk chair and puts it on)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Ross: We know the last three months have been hard on you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Very, very hard.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross: And they've been hard on us, too. It's a terrible tragedy when
|
|
parents outlive their children.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yes, I agree. I hope my parents go long before I do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross: That's why we decided to create a foundation to preserve Susan's
|
|
memory.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh, that's wonderful.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross. And, of course, we want you to be an integral part.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yes, inte-- h-how inte-- how integral?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross: You'll be on the board of directors.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (feigning excitement) Great, great. O-Oh, oh, oh, gosh. You know,
|
|
it's just... my duties with the Yankees...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Ross: Don't worry, George. The foundation will revolve around your
|
|
schedule. Evenings, weekends, whenever you have free time.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I can't believe this is happening.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross: Well, it wouldn't have without your friend Jerry's inspirational
|
|
words. He said to us, "She's not really dead if her shadow is..."
|
|
Uh, w-what was it, dear?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Ross: Something about a way, a-and a light, uh... ha. Who the hell
|
|
knows?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mr. Ross: Well, what's important is that your relationship with Susan
|
|
doesn't have to end.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs. Ross: So will you be sure to thank Jerry for us?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (feigning happiness) The second I see him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
The coffee shop. Jerry is having lunch when George walks in.]<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hey. How's your day, good?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Actually, yeah. I'm meeting Mulva here in a few minutes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: So uh... Wrath of Khan, huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah. Was that a beauty or what?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What was that line again? Something about finding your way in
|
|
a shadow?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, no, no, it's... "She's not really dead if we find a way
|
|
to remember her."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: That's it. That's the line... (squirts mustard into Jerry's coffee
|
|
and stirs it) ...that destroyed my life.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (stares into coffee cup and looks back at George) Problem?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: The Rosses have started up a foundation, Jerry, and I have to
|
|
sit on the board of directors.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey, board of directors. Look at you!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream!
|
|
I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car
|
|
battery!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing
|
|
it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor
|
|
paradise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Don't you see? I'm back in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: All because of Wrath of Khan?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yes!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, it was the best of those movies.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The camera is over George's head and spins around repeatedly as George
|
|
screams.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: KHAN!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
The foundation. George is staring intently at a painting of Susan as Wyck
|
|
walks in.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George doesn't respond.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: George. (taps him on the shoulder)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (startled) Oh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: I'm Wyck Thayer, chairman of the Susan Ross Foundation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Wink.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: (correcting him) Wyck.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Wyck.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Now, as you know, the Rosses had considerable monies.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh. I know they have some monies.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: They had more than some monies. Many, many monies. And they planned
|
|
to give a sizable portion of their estate to you and Susan after the wedding.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: So, if Susan and I had... I mean, if the envelopes hadn't, uh...
|
|
then we--<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Yes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: And now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Not. It's all been endowed to the foundation, even this townhouse.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: This townhouse?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: This would have been your wedding gift.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: And now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Also endowed. George... I know how much Susan meant to you. It can't
|
|
be easy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You know, it really can't.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
The coffee shop.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mulva: So who broke it off?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, that's the thing. It was completely mutual.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mulva: Oh, come on. Everybody knows there's no such thing as a mutual
|
|
breakup. Tell me the truth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I am. It was the world's first.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mulva: You know, when I heard you got engaged, I thought *maybe* you had
|
|
matured. But obviously there's no growth here. (exits)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, I can't argue with that, but the fact remains... I was completely...
|
|
(to himself, cursing her) Mulva!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
Jerry's apartment. The phone is ringing as he's getting in.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (answering) Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Secretary: Please hold for Elaine Benes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, I don't believe this.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (picking up) Jerry!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Hey. Guess who just finished laying out her first issue of the
|
|
J. Peterman Catalog.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How's it look?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (muffled, as she's smoking a cigar) It's a peach.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I say, it's a peach.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Elaine, let me ask you something. When I told you my breakup was
|
|
mutual, did you believe me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: No, no, no. It's weak. No one's gonna buy it, and you shouldn't
|
|
be selling it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I gotta do some research here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Hey, hey. Me. Talking. You know, between you and me, I always
|
|
thought Kramer was a bit of a doofus, but he believed in me. *You* did
|
|
not. So as I see it, he's not the doofus. *You* are the doofus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, I'm the doofus?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yeah. You, Jerry, are the doofus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You know, it occurs to me that Kramer is at karate right now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Oh, well, maybe I'll just go down there and thank him in person.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
Kramer's karate class. Kramer is beating his opponent, a little girl.
|
|
Elaine walks in, surprised.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Kramer!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh, hey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What are you doing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh, well, I-I-I'm dominating.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: You never said you were fighting children.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, it's not the size of the opponent, Elaine, it's, uh, the
|
|
ferocity.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: This is what you used to build me up? This is where you got all
|
|
that stupid katra stuff?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No, no. That's from, uh, Star Trek III... The Search for Spock.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Search... for Spock?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, I know Jerry will tell you that The Wrath of Khan is the
|
|
better picture, but for me, I always...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (pushes him) You doofus!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[As Kramer is knocked down, there is amazed murmuring among his peers.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
The coffee shop. Jerry is conducting some research.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Okay, question #8. What if I told you my fiancee left me for another
|
|
man? Does that make me more likable, less likable, as likable? Let's start
|
|
over here this time.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Waitress #1: More.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Waitress #2: Less.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ruthie: Same.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Are we about through here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry crosses off something on his clipboard.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
A dark, foggy street. Kramer is walking with Joey.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I thought you said your mom was meeting us in the alley.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Joey: She had a little change of plans.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Children emerge from various places in the alley, to ambush Kramer.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What's going on? Hey, Timmy, Clara. That was some kind of workout
|
|
we had tonight, huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Girl: Now we finish it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer tries to escape up the fire escape ladder, but the kids drag him
|
|
down.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Aah! Aah! Mama!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
Jerry's apartment.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (on the phone) Dad, I wouldn't eat anything you caught in that
|
|
pond out in front of the condo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine enters.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Uh, look, Elaine's here, I gotta get going. Oh, by the way, uh,
|
|
I'm not getting married. Tell mom. Bye. (hangs up)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The phone rings again expectedly. Jerry hangs up without answering.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So... did you stop by the dojo?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yep.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How's your confidence level?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Shot.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Self-esteem?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Gone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Doofus?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (raises her hand) Yo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: All right, so what? You put out the catalog. How bad could it be?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine takes out the Urban Sombrero and puts it on.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What is that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: It's the Urban Sombrero. I put it on the cover.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, nobody sees the... cover.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer enters.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: God!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What happened to you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Whew! I got whooped. You should have seen the rage in their little
|
|
eyes. And those tiny little fists of fury. Oh. (notices the Urban Sombrero)
|
|
What is that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It's the new cover of the J. Peterman Catalog. It is Elaine's choice.
|
|
Let's congratulate her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh I see. (Elaine walks up to him) Woof!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (pointing a finger accusingly at Kramer) You! This is all your
|
|
fault! You told me I could run the company!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, then I was way off!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Well, I'll see ya... (exits)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Vaya con dios.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: (with his forehead in his hands) Man, I gotta go lay down. You
|
|
and George going out a little later?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, he's still stuck at the foundation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: You know, you oughta go down there and help him out. He's a widower.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Widower? Wait a second. (goes to a notebook of his research)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New scene.<br>
|
|
The foundation.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Okay, let's see. The beachhouse. 48 acres... ooh. Southampton. That
|
|
should fetch a fair price.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Would I have had access to that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Of course, it would have been yours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: And now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Wyck turns to face him.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (anticipating the answer) Not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[phone rings. George eagerly answers it.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey, Georgie! I'm doing some research down at the coffee shop.
|
|
Your story's the one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: My story?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, your widower story's tested through the roof. (various patrons
|
|
give the thumbs up in approval) When are you getting out of there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Uh, excuse me, Wyck. Uh, are we, uh, almost done here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: (chuckling) Oh, no, not even close.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (remorsefully) I can't go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What do you mean you can't go? There's two really girls sitting
|
|
at the counter eating grilled cheese. Cheese, George! Cheese!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George hangs up.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wyck: Okay, next item. Susan's doll collection. Estimated value: $2.6
|
|
million. What do you say we go through this doll by doll?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George turns to the portrait of Susan in amazement.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
</p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p
|
|
align="center"> </p>
|
|
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|
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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<script type="text/javascript"
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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}
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</script>
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</div>
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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function noSpam(user,domain) {
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locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
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window.location = locationstring;
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}
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-->
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</script>
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<div class="footer">
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<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
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<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var _gaq = _gaq || [];
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_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
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_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
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var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
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var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
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</script></body>
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