799 lines
43 KiB
HTML
799 lines
43 KiB
HTML
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<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Frogger</title>
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<h1>The Frogger</h1>
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INT. J. PETERMAN LUNCHROOM - DAY</p>
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<p>Elaine and several co-workers stand around a table which has a
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cake sitting on it.</p>
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<p>ALL (singing): Happy birthday to you. </p>
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<p>WALTER: Thanks.</p>
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<p>Everyone claps.</p>
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<p>FEMALE WORKER: Elaine, cake?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Uh, no, thanks.</p>
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<p>FEMALE WORKER: It's Walter's special day.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You know, there are 200 people who work in this office.
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Every day is somebody's special day.</p>
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<p>Elaine takes a piece of cake and makes her way to the door, but
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is stopped as a male worker carrying a cake enters.</p>
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<p>MALE WORKER: Elaine! Where're you going? It's Walter's last day.
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We have to celebrate.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: It's his birthday and it's his last day?</p>
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<p>MALE WORKER: This is other-Walter, from returns.</p>
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<p>Other-Walter enters followed by more co-workers.</p>
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<p>OTHER-WALTER: Hey, what's going on here?</p>
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<p>ALL: Surprise! </p>
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<p>OTHER-WALTER: Oh guys.</p>
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<p>Elaine tries to leave, but other-Walter stops her.</p>
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<p>OTHER-WALTER: Elaine, it's my last day. Have a piece.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: All right, pile it on.</p>
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<p>ALL (singing, competing): For he's a jolly good fellow...happy
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birthday to you...for he's a jolly good fellow...birthday to you...which
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nobody can deny...</p>
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<p>Elaine looks on frustrated.</p>
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<p>EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
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<p>INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY</p>
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<p>Jerry and Elaine stand in front of his stereo.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What is so bad about having a little piece of cake?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: It is the forced socializing. I mean, just because we work
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in the same office, why do we have to act like we're friends?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Why aren't you there now?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I had to take a sick day. I'm so sick of these people.
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By the way, I talked to Lisi, and tomorrow night's good for her.</p>
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<p>They sit on the sofa.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You know, I shouldn't go out with a friend of yours. I foresee
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messiness.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, you're better off sitting around here, reading comic
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books, and eating spaghetti at two in the morning..</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, speaking of tomato sauce, you want to come with me
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and George to Mario's Pizza?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Your old high school hangout? Why?</p>
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<p>JERRY: They're closing. We're going for one last slice.</p>
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<p>Kramer barges through the door holding a roll of yellow police
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tape.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey. All right. Hi. Check it out, official police caution
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tape. Look at that. </p>
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<p>Jerry walks towards the counter where Kramer has placed some of
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the tape.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Uh-uh-uh. Step back, son, there's nothing to see here.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Where did you get this?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, I got it from my cop buddy Doug.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You sure have a lot of friends. How come I never see any
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of these people?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: They want to know why they never see you.</p>
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<p>Kramer ties a piece of tape around a banana.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I'm gonna eat that later.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So they just gave you this?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh no, no,. no. I had to fish around in the evidence room
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for it. You know, they're all preoccupied, trying to hunt down this
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new psycho-serial killer, the Lopper. All right, I'll see ya.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who is the Lopper?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, it's no big deal. It's just some guy who's been running
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around Riverside park-pffff. You know, cutting people's heads off.</p>
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<p>JERRY: How come I haven't read about this?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, you know, the police, they've been having some internal
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dissension about the name.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Really? What're the other titles?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Uh, Headso...uh...The Denogginizer...Son of dad.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Son of dad?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. That was my suggestion. It's sort of a catchall.</p>
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<p>EXT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Mario's Pizza.</p>
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<p>INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY</p>
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<p>George and Jerry admire their former hang out. Mario, an elder
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man, stands behind the counter.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Just as she was. Hey, Mario! Remember us?</p>
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<p>MARIO: No.</p>
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<p>JERRY: We used to come in every day.</p>
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<p>MARIO: So where ya been? We're tanking here.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: We'll have 2 slices and 2 grape sodas.</p>
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<p>MARIO: Oh, thanks. That'll save us.</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right, make it the large sodas.</p>
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<p>George and Jerry walk across the room.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey, Jerry, remember Frogger? I used to be so into this
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game. Gettin' that frog across the street was my entire life.</p>
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<p>They walk over to watch a boy playing Frogger.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah. And then you went on to...Well, it's a good game.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Double jump! Eat the fly! Eat it!</p>
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<p>The boy loses.</p>
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<p>BOY: Thanks a lot.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ah, beat it, punk.</p>
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<p>The boy exits.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, look at the high score--"G.L.C." George Louis
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Costanza. That's not you, is it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still standing. No one
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has beaten me in like 10 years.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I remember that night.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: The perfect combination of Mountain Dew and mozzarella...just
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the right amount of grease on the joy stick...</p>
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<p>MARIO: Here's your pizza pea brains.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I think I remember why we stopped coming here.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah.</p>
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<p>EXT. J PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
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<p>INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY</p>
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<p>Elaine is sitting at her desk smelling a pen.</p>
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<p>ELAINE (thinking): This pen smells really bad. So why do I keep
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smelling it? Is it too late for me to go to law school?</p>
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<p>There's a knock on the door and several co-workers enter with a
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cake.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What is this?</p>
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<p>MALE WORKER: You were out sick yesterday, so we got you a get-well
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cake.</p>
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<p>FEMALE WORKER: It's carrot. It's good for you.</p>
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<p>WORKERS (singing): Get well get well soon, we wish you to get--</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Stop it! That's not even a song! I mean, now we're celebrating
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a sick day?</p>
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<p>MALE WORKER: I think it's nice.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What? What is nice? Trying to fill the void in your life
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with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are all unhappy.
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Do we have to be fat, too? Not you Becky, I know you have a slow
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metabolism. I don't want one more piece of cake in my office!</p>
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<p>Another worker enters late.</p>
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<p>WORKER (singing): Get well, get well soon--</p>
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<p>MALE WORKER: It's not happening.</p>
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<p>They all start to leave disappointed.</p>
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<p>BECKY: Can we still it eat?</p>
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<p>EXT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING</p>
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<p>INT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT</p>
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<p>Jerry and Lisi sit at the usual booth.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'll tell you Lisi, I never expected that movie to--</p>
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<p>LISI: End under water?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Be that long. I mean, most action movies are--</p>
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<p>LISI: So much more violent.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Not as long.</p>
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<p>LISI: Well, I should probably--</p>
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<p>JERRY: Get going.</p>
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<p>LISI: Yeah.</p>
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<p>They both stand.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure I'll see you--</p>
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<p>LISI: Eight tomorrow?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Actually, that's--</p>
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<p>LISI: What you were thinking.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Right.</p>
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<p>Lisi leaves and Jerry goes to pay the cashier. George enters.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh! Here you are. Ha ha...You, uh, you want to--</p>
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<p>JERRY: Sure. (points at booth) How about this one?</p>
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<p>They both sit down at their booth.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, I'm doing it, Jerry. I'm buying the Frogger machine.
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Now the torch will burn forever.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Fabulous. See, now you're really do something.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: So, you want to come down to Mario's Pizza with me and
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help me pick up the Frogger?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, how you gonna keep the machine plugged in while you
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move it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Once you unplug the machine, all the scores will be erased.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You're right. Why must there always be a problem? You'd
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think just once I could get a break. God knows I earned it with
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that score!</p>
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<p>George gets up and leaves in a huff.</p>
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<p>EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY- ESTABLISHING</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, more bad news Jerry.</p>
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<p>INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY</p>
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<p>Kramer and Jerry are talking near the kitchen counter. George is
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sitting at the table on Jerry's cordless phone. An open phone book
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is in front of him.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You know the police, they found another victim of the Lopper
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in Riverside Park. I saw the photo, and it looked a lot like you.</p>
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<p>JERRYL Oh, come on. There's a lot of people walking around the
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city that look like me.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Not as many as there used to be.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: No. I need a guy that can rig a Frogger machine so that
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I can move it without losing power, 'cause I have the high score.
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H-hello?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Kramer peels and eats an orange.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You know, George, you're not gonna find an electrician
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like that in the yellow pages. Now, I know just the guy who can
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do this.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Another friend?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, no, no, no. This guy is no friend. In fact, we don't
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even get along.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, is he good, Kramer?</p>
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<p>George gets up and walks towards Kramer.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, he's the best...and the worst.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If
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I lose this Frogger high score, that's it for me.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Believe me George, you can count on Slippery Pete.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Slippery Pete?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, I don't care for the name, either. In fact, that's
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one of the things that we argue about.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right, I'm gonna find a guy with a truck. GLC must
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live on!</p>
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<p>George grabs his coat and leaves the apartment. The phone rings.
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Jerry tries to get by Kramer.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Come on.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Dng-ga-gng-ga-wt.</p>
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<p>Jerry picks up the phone.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hello?</p>
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<p>INTERCUT:</p>
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<p>INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE/JERRY'S APARTMENT</p>
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<p>Elaine is on the phone and is smelling her tape dispenser.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So how's it going with my friend?</p>
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<p>JERRY: She's a sentence finisher. It's like dating Mad Libs.</p>
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<p>People can be heard singing "Happy Birthday" in the background
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of Elaine's office.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What is that?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, it's a cake party. It's the third one today. I didn't
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realize how hooked I got on that 4:00 sugar rush.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So join in.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I can't. I denounced them. Maybe I'll go raid Peterman's
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fridge. He's always got a truffle or something in there.</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right.</p>
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<p>Jerry hangs up and stands up to find some police tape around a
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broken egg on the floor.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, wh-what--</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. I dropped an egg. Be careful.</p>
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<p>Kramer leaves.</p>
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<p>EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
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<p>INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY</p>
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<p>Elaine knocks on the open door.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Anybody here? Peterboy?</p>
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<p>No one answers. She runs over to Peterman's fridge, opens it, and
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takes out a box. She opens the box to find a cake.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ooh, it's a cake walk.</p>
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<p>She takes a bite of the cake. Outside in the hallway, Mr. Peterman
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can be heard singing.</p>
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<p>PETERMAN (singing): Get well, get well soon we wish you to get
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well.</p>
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<p>Elaine quickly puts the box back in the fridge. Mr. Peterman enters
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his office.</p>
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<p>PETERMAN: Ha ha ha ha...Oh, what a stirring little anthem of wellness.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Mr. Peterman, um--</p>
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<p>PETERMAN: We missed you at the get well party. Poor old Walt has
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a polyp in the duodenum. It's benign, but--ooh--still a bastard.
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Oh, Elaine, can you keep a secret?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No, sir, I can't.</p>
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<p>PETERMAN: Inside that small college boy minifridge is my latest
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acquisition. A slice of cake from the wedding of King Edward VIII
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to Wallis Simpson, circa 1937, price--$29,000.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Lisi walk along.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well Lisi, that was another-</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Lovely evening.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Really bad meal. I was thinking maybe we should--</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Go for a hansom cab ride?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Call it a night. I'll walk you home. Where do you live?</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: 84th street, right off Riverside Park.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Riverside Park.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry grabs Lisi and turns around.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: I thought we were going--</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Back to my place. That's right.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
|
|
<p>George and Jerry are sitting on the sofa.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So you slept with her?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: She lives right off Riverside Park. I was scared of the
|
|
Lopper, So I let her stay over.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: And you automatically sleep with her?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I just wanted to make out a little, but she kind of--</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Finished your thought.</p>
|
|
<p>George gets up and walks over to the sink. Elaine enters.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Guess what I ate.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: An ostrich burger.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No. A $29,000 piece of cake. Peterman got it at The Duke
|
|
Of Windsor auction. It was the most romantic thing I've ever eaten.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: How'd it taste?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: A little stale.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE (nudges Elaine with his elbow): So, uh are you sleeping
|
|
with Peterman?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE (nudges George with her elbow): No. He doesn't know I ate
|
|
it. In fact, he almost caught me. I have to sneak back in and even
|
|
it out.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know, they say ostrich has less fat, but you eat more
|
|
of it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Elaine start to walk from the counter towards the table.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hey, so I talked to Lisi and she has got a big surprise
|
|
for you. She's planning a weekend trip to Pennsylvania Dutch country.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Pennsylvania Dutch country? Oh, that's the serious relationship
|
|
weekend place.</p>
|
|
<p>EALINE: What is going on with you two?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I think by sleeping with her, I may have sent her
|
|
the wrong message.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What's that?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine opens up a paper bag and pulls out a cookie.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: 4:00 sugar fix.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I'm calling this off right now. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, no. You are way past the phone call breakup stage.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I'm not going over there. That's where the Lopper
|
|
is.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh...it's daylight. It won't take you that long. Just make
|
|
a clean break.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine bites the head of her gingerbread man.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Just a little off the side...</p>
|
|
<p>INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine is at Mr. Peterman's desk with the cake box.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, no point in wasting $1,200.</p>
|
|
<p>She eats a slice of the cake as fantasy waltz music starts to play.
|
|
Elaine dances around the room talking to one of the sculptures in
|
|
the room.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE (thinking): Oh, commander, isn't the wedding marvelous?
|
|
More cake? Oh, I shouldn't. I mustn't. Ah, what the hell?</p>
|
|
<p>She gets more cake.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Now, each of you is here because you're the best at what
|
|
you do.</p>
|
|
<p>INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>George, Kramer, Slippery Pete, and Shlomo sit at a booth.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Slippery Pete, Kramer tells me you are one hell of a rogue
|
|
electrician. And shlomo, you're the best truck driver.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: I don't know If I'm the best.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh...you're very good.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: Let's say "good."</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ok. Good. And Kramer, you're in charge of taping off the
|
|
loading zone.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Lock and load.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: You think you can handle that, numb nuts?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: All right, all right, come on, now.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: That was my mail-order bride.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, you weren't home, so I signed for her.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: It doesn't give you the right to make out with her.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You weren't even married yet.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All right, all right, calm down, calm down. Whatever happened
|
|
in the past is past.</p>
|
|
<p>George gets a napkin and starts to draw on it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Now, this is the basic layout for Mario's Pizza.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: So what kind of jail time are we looking at if we're caught?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What do you mean?</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: We're stealing this thing, right?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No. I--I paid for it.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: I thought we were stealing it.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. It feels like we're stealing it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: We're not stealing it.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: I definitely thought we're stealing it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All right, let's--let's focus. Can we get back to the plan?</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: Well, I need a battery for this kind of a job. Can
|
|
I at least steal a battery?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Fine. Steal the battery. Now, all right, here is the Frogger.
|
|
This is the front door, and this is the outlet.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: What's that?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: The outlet?</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: Mm-hmm.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: That's where the electricity comes out.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERT PETE: Oh, you mean the holes.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: Which one's the bathroom?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Uh, here.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: They put the Frogger with the toilet? Yecchh.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: The Frogger is here.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: George, I thought that was the door.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: Where are all the pizza ovens?</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: I thought the bathroom was here.</p>
|
|
<p>INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>George, Shlomo, Slippery Pete, and Kramer are sitting in the same
|
|
places as they were in the booth at Monk's, but this time they are
|
|
around a table at Mario's.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All right. You understand now? It's not that complicated.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE:I need to replace an antique piece of cake.</p>
|
|
<p>INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine is sitting at the counter with a Sotheby's auction book
|
|
open in front of her.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Do you have anything that's been...you know, laying around
|
|
for a while? Something prewar would be just great.</p>
|
|
<p>The waitress leaves and Kramer enters.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh, hey, Elaine. What, you got the munchies?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, Kramer, I am in big. big, big trouble. I need a cake
|
|
that looks like this.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh, yeah--Sotheby's. Yeah. They make good cake.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Do any of these look close?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No, but I know I've seen cake just like that. Oh--Entenmann's.
|
|
Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Entenmann's? From the supermarket?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, no. They're not really in the supermarket. Yeah,
|
|
they got their own case at the end of the aisle.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>INT. LISI'S APARTMENT - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>There's a knock at the door. Lisi opens it. It's Jerry holding
|
|
a baseball bat.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hi, Lisi.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Hi, honey. Is that a bat? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh, yeah. I found it on the street. It's gotta be worth
|
|
something.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: So, what do you want to do, Sweetheart?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, before we do anything...maybe we should talk.</p>
|
|
<p>MONTAGE:</p>
|
|
<p>Lisi is sitting at her couch while Jerry paces behind her.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Then this Pennsylvania Dutch thing comes out of nowhere.
|
|
I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that?</p>
|
|
<p>Both Jerry and Lisi are on the couch. Jerry has his head in his
|
|
hands.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Then may I say something... without being interrupted?</p>
|
|
<p>Lisi is in another room with the door closed. Jerry stands in the
|
|
hallway and is talking to her through the door.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well I'm sorry if I ruined your life. That's exactly what
|
|
I set out to do.</p>
|
|
<p>They are sitting on the couch again. Jerry nods at everything Lisi
|
|
mumbles.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh...</p>
|
|
<p>Now Jerry is sitting on the couch and Lisi is pacing behind him.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Are you afraid to kiss me in public?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Have we even been in public?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry is walking away from Lisi and she follows behind him.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: So now you're going to tell me what I'm thinking. Well, go
|
|
ahead, 'cause I'd really like to know.</p>
|
|
<p>Lisi is crying and Jerry stands looking over her shoulder.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You are not dumb. Don't say that..</p>
|
|
<p>They both sit around the coffee table eating beans.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: These beans are pretty good.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: 20 minutes.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Now Jerry is in a room with the door shut. Lisi stands out in the
|
|
hallway.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I'm sorry I'm not Brad. I'm me!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry opens the door.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Nice to meet ya!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry is lying on the couch while Lisi paces behind.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Boy, did your mother do a number on you.</p>
|
|
<p>Lisi is on the couch with Kleenex and Jerry stands on the other
|
|
side of the couch.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Fine. So it's over.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, thank god. Why is it dark out? What time is it?</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: 9:30.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: We've been breaking up for 10 hours?</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Good-bye, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Lopper. You know, Lisi, maybe we should give this a little
|
|
more time. See how it looks in the light of day.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Out!</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. LISI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry steps out of Lisi's building. He looks both ways cautiously
|
|
before walking down the steps. Surprised, he sees a shadowy figure
|
|
walking towards him holding something resembling a head in one hand
|
|
and a knife in the other.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Lopper.</p>
|
|
<p>He quickly runs back up to Lisi's building and yells into her intercom
|
|
system.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Lisi, Lisi. Let me in! We can work this out. I was wrong,
|
|
you were right. I'll do anything!</p>
|
|
<p>She buzzes him up.</p>
|
|
<p>Just as he walks into the building, we see the Lopper is actually
|
|
Slippery Pete carrying a car battery by it's wires.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry stands outside a boutique store when George arrives carrying
|
|
rope.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Jerry, you came for the big moment.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No. I'm waiting for...</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ha ha. Everything's timed out to perfection, Jerry. Slippery
|
|
Pete's got the Frogger running on battery power, the truck will
|
|
be there any minute, and Kramer's taped out the loading zone.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh. Sounds great.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. You gotta come over tonight. We can play.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, I can't. I'm busy. I'm going away on a long weekend.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Where?</p>
|
|
<p>Lisi exits the boutique wearing a Dutch bonnet.</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Look what I found. I got one for you, too.</p>
|
|
<p>She puts a Dutch hat on Jerry head.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Great. Uh, you know what? Why don't you put it in the car
|
|
so I don't toss it in that dumpster?</p>
|
|
<p>LISI: Ha ha. Ok. I'll meet thee in front of your place, 15 minutes.</p>
|
|
<p>Lisi leaves.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: A long, long weekend.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I hear thee.</p>
|
|
<p>INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine has finished replacing the cake. She throws the empty Entenmann's
|
|
box away. She's about to leave, but Mr. Peterman enters with another
|
|
man.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Elaine! Excellent. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine,
|
|
Irwin Lubeck.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, hello.</p>
|
|
<p>LUBECK: Charmed.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Peterman gets the cake out of the fridge.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: All right, brace yourself, Lubeck. You are about to be
|
|
launched via pastry back to the wedding of one of the most dashing
|
|
and romantic Nazi sympathizers of the entire British Royal family.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I guess I'll just--</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Oh, no Elaine, stay. Lubeck here is the world's foremost
|
|
appraiser of vintage pastry.</p>
|
|
<p>Lubeck inspects the cake.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: All right, Lubeck. How much is she worth?</p>
|
|
<p>LUBECK: I'd say about 219.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Ha ha ha ha ha!$219,000! Lubeck, you glorious titwillow.
|
|
You just made me a profit of $190,000.</p>
|
|
<p>LUBECK: No, $2.19. It's an Entenmann's.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Do they have a castle at Windsor?</p>
|
|
<p>LUBECK: No. They have a display case at the end of the aisle.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Oh, good lord.</p>
|
|
<p>LUBECK: You all right, Peterman? You look ill.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE (singing): Get well, get well soon, we want you to get well.
|
|
Get well, get well soon we want you to get well.</p>
|
|
<p>EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>George and Jerry see Kramer, Shlomo, and Slippery Pete standing
|
|
outside Mario's Pizza. Slippery Pete is playing Frogger.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What are you guys doing?</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: Eat the fly. Eat the fly. Got him!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You idiots. You're gonna wear down the battery.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: The batteries are fine. We've got...oh, god. only
|
|
3 minutes left.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Quick. Get this thing back in the pizzeria</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: George, they closed up.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I need an outlet!</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: A what?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Holes! I need holes!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: The pharmacy's still open.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All right. Kramer, you block off traffic. You to go sweet-talk
|
|
the pharmacist.</p>
|
|
<p>Shlomo and Slippery Pete go to the pharmacy.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE (to George): You owe me a quarter.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE (to Jerry): Slippery Pete. Kramer, hurry up!</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer ties the police tape to a tree and runs into traffic. He
|
|
runs out of tape before he can get halfway.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Ahh! I'm out! No tape left!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, come on George, I'll help you push it across.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Wait a minute. This looks familiar. This reminds me of
|
|
something. I can do this.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: By yourself?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Jerry, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life.</p>
|
|
<p>George pushes the machine onto the street. From a view in the sky,
|
|
we see him dodging cars, hopping back and forth into lanes of traffic.
|
|
Frogger music and sound effects play.</p>
|
|
<p>SHLOMO: He looks like a Frog.</p>
|
|
<p>SLIPPERY PETE: So do you.</p>
|
|
<p>George makes it across just as a huge truck comes barreling down
|
|
the street. George tries to get the Frogger onto the sidewalk, but
|
|
can't. He futilely sticks his hand out trying to stop the truck
|
|
which honks. George jumps out of the truck's way and onto the sidewalk
|
|
as the Frogger is smashed.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Game over.</p>
|
|
<p>INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Peterman sits in his chair behind his desk. Elaine knocks and
|
|
enters.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Mr. Peterman, you wanted to see me, sir?</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Elaine, up until a moment ago, I was convinced that I
|
|
was on the receiving end of one of the oldest baker's grift in the
|
|
books--The Entenmann's shim-sham.</p>
|
|
<p>EALINE: Ohh...</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Until I remembered the videotape surveillance system
|
|
that I installed to catch other-Walter using my latrine. But it
|
|
also caught this.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Peterman shows Elaine the tape of her waltzing around the room
|
|
eating the cake.</p>
|
|
<p>EALINE: Mr. Peterman, I, uh...</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Elaine, I have a question for you. Is the item still...with
|
|
you?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Um...as far as I know.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Do you know what happens to a butter-based frosting after
|
|
six decades in a poorly ventilated English basement?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Uh, I guess I hadn't--</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Well, I have a feeling that what you are about to go
|
|
through is punishment enough. Dismissed.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p><Spellchecked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
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|
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<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
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<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
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<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
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<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<div>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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</div>
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</form>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p> </p>
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</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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}
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</script>
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</div>
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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<!--
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function noSpam(user,domain) {
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locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
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|
window.location = locationstring;
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|
}
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|
-->
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</script>
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<div class="footer">
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|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
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</div>
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</div>
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|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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|
</script>
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|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
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})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
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