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<h1>The Heart Attack</h1>
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&nbsp;</p>
<p>Written by: Larry Charles</p>
<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones</p>
<p>Broadcasted: April 25, 1991 for
the first time.</p>
<p>Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael
Richards, </p>
<p>Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus,
John Posey (as Doctor), and Stephen</p>
<p>Tobolowsky (as Tor Akman).</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
<p>JERRY: You know, I tell ya, I
gotta say that I'm enjoying adulthood. For a lot of reasons. And,
I'll tell you reason number one: as an adult, if I want a cookie,
I have</p>
<p>a cookie, okay? I have three
cookies or four cookies, or eleven cookies if I want. Many times
I will intentionally ruin my entire appetite. Just ruin it. And
then, I call</p>
<p>my mother up right after to tell
her that I did it. &quot;Hello, Mom? yeah, I just ruined my entire
appetite.. cookies.&quot; So what if you ruin.. See, because as
an adult, we</p>
<p>understand even if you ruin an
appetite, there's another appetite coming right behind it. There's
no danger in running out of appetites. I've got millions of them,
I'll ruin</p>
<p>them whenever I want!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
<p>(Jerry's sitting on his couch
in the dark, watching TV)</p>
<p>TV VOICE: (Germanic) Look, Sigmund.
Look in the sky. The planets are on fire. It is just as you prophesied.
The planets of our solar system, incinerating. Like</p>
<p>flaming globes, Sigmund. Like
flaming globes.. Ah, ha, ha, ha..</p>
<p>(Jerry's now asleep)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Jerry's bedroom]</p>
<p>(Jerry's laying in his bed. He
wakes suddenly, picks up a pen and scribbles something down on a
pad. He laughs, shakes his head, then goes back to sleep, laughing</p>
<p>to himself)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Coffee shop]</p>
<p>(Jerry looks tired. He's staring
at a crumpled piece of note paper. George takes out a cucumber from
a bag in his pocket)</p>
<p>ELAINE: What do you got, a cucumber?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, so what?</p>
<p>ELAINE: You're bringing in an
outside cucumber?</p>
<p>GEORGE: They refuse to put cucumber
in the salad. I need cucumber.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Trying to read the note)
What have I done? I can't read this! Ful-hel-mo-nen-ter-val? I got
up last night, I wrote this down, I thought I had this great bit.</p>
<p>(Tries to focus on the paper)
Wait a second, wait a second.. &quot;Fax me some halibut.&quot;
Is that funny? Is that a joke?</p>
<p>ELAINE: No. Let me see that.
(Takes the paper from Jerry) Don't-mess-with-Johnny.&quot;</p>
<p>JERRY: Johnny? Johnny who? Johnny
Carson? Did I insult Johnny on The Tonight Show?</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Joking) Did you mess
with Johnny, Jerry?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Let me see that. (Studies
the note)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hey, where's Kramer?</p>
<p>JERRY: I don't know. That's like
asking &quot;Where's Waldo?&quot;</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Still holding the note)
I think I'm having a heart attack.</p>
<p>JERRY: I don't think that's it.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I'm not kidding.</p>
<p>JERRY: What does that mean?</p>
<p>ELAINE: I think what he's trying
to say is that he's having a heart attack.</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, he's having a heart
attack.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Tightness..</p>
<p>JERRY: C'mon.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Shortness of breath..</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, this is ridiculous.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Radiating waves of pain..</p>
<p>JERRY: I know what this is. You
saw that show on PBS last night, Coronary Country. (To Elaine) I
saw it in the TV Guide. I called him and told him to make sure</p>
<p>and not watch it.</p>
<p>GEORGE: There was nothing else
on. Oh, the left arm.. the left arm.</p>
<p>JERRY: (To Elaine) He saw that
show on anorexia last year, and ate like an animal for two weeks.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Why can't I have a heart
attack? I'm allowed.</p>
<p>JERRY: So what do you want? You
want me take you to the hospital?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Manhattan Memorial, less
of a line.</p>
<p>JERRY: I'll call an ambulance.
(Exits)</p>
<p>(A waitress approaches. George
is dying, but the waitress doesn't seem to notice)</p>
<p>WAITRESS: Is everything alright?</p>
<p>GEORGE: We'll just take a check.
(She leaves the check. George, in all his cheapness, can't help
but to review the check. He finds an error) You made a mistake</p>
<p>on the..</p>
<p>ELAINE: George!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Hospital room]</p>
<p>(George lies in the bed. He has
EKG cups on his chest, a tube up his nose, and an IV in his arm.
The man in the neighboring bed seems to be in pain)</p>
<p>MAN: Ooohhh... Argghhh..</p>
<p>GEORGE: Are.. are you okay?</p>
<p>MAN: Ooooooohhh..</p>
<p>GEORGE: I'm George.. George Costanza..
I've never been in the hospital a day in my life.. except when I
had my tonsils out. You know, they never gave me any</p>
<p>ice cream. I always felt that-</p>
<p>MAN: Shut up!</p>
<p>(Scene goes to Jerry. He's standing
at the doorway, showing the note to a nurse)</p>
<p>JERRY: Well? What do you think?</p>
<p>NURSE 1: &quot;Salami, salami,
bologna.&quot; Definitely.</p>
<p>JERRY: &quot;Salami salami bologna&quot;?</p>
<p>DOCTOR: (In a hurry) Oh, your
friend's fine. He didn't have a heart attack. I'll be in - in a
few minutes.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Sarcastic) What a surprise.
(Enters George's room overly sympathetic - leading George to think
that the Doctor told Jerry something significant) Hey, how</p>
<p>ya doin' buddy? You need anything?
Do you want me to go out and get you a Superman comic?</p>
<p>GEORGE: No, no thanks.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Still going along with
the practical joke) You know, I was wondering.. You know that Black
Hawks jacket you have?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, sure, my Black Hawks
jacket. I love my Black Hawks jacket.</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, you know, I was
thinking - if things don't exactly work out..</p>
<p>GEORGE: Well, it wouldn't fit
you. The sleeves are too short.</p>
<p>JERRY: No, I tried it on. It
fits good.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Well, I didn't really
think about what I was gonna do with all..</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, you know..</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Reluctantly) Well, okay.</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, and.. do you think
it would be alright if I called Susan Davis?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Susan Davis? (Getting
possessive) Hey, wait a second..</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, it's not like we'd
be bumping into you.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I don't know.. you and
Susan Davis?</p>
<p>JERRY: You know, if your future
was a little more certain..</p>
<p>GEORGE: Okay, go ahead. Call
her, get married, have babies, have a great life.. What do I care?
I'm finished. (Really depressed) It's all over for me. In fact,
let's</p>
<p>end it right now. Jerry, kill
me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be
a pal.. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, ah.. (Takes his
pillow) What? Kind of like this? (Violently smothers George with
the pillow. George freaks out. He didn't think Jerry would actually</p>
<p>do it)</p>
<p>GEORGE: What are ya doing?! Whadya,
crazy?!</p>
<p>(Elaine enters - she gets a clear
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
shot of Jerry's jokingly trying to kill George)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Jerry!</p>
<p>JERRY: (Acts like he was cought
red-handed) Elaine, what are you doing here? (Takes the pillow off
George, and puts it back on his bed)</p>
<p>GEORGE: (To Jerry) Jerk off.</p>
<p>(Jerry goes over to Elaine)</p>
<p>JERRY: (Whispering) There's nothing
wrong with him. I saw the doctor. He's fine.</p>
<p>(They both go to George's bed.
Elaine decides to go along with Jerry's joke)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hi, George. How ya feeling?
Is anybody getting your apartment?</p>
<p>(Jerry and Elaine both sit down,
and have their own conversation. They completely ignore George)</p>
<p>GEORGE: I'll tell ya, if I ever
get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole
Zen thing. Take up yoga, meditate.. I'll eat right. Calm down, lose
my</p>
<p>anger.. (Sees Jerry and Elaine
aren't listening. He snaps) Hey, is anybody listening?!</p>
<p>(The doctor enters. Elaine and
the doctor exchange an awkward, romantic glance)</p>
<p>DOCTOR: (To Elaine) Uh, hello.
(To George) Uh, Mr. Costanza?</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Panicky) Uh, yeah. You
know, Doctor, I gotta tell you, I feel a lot better.</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Well, we looked at your
EKG's, ran some tests, did a complete work-up.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Getting in a more panicked
state) Oh God, Mommy!</p>
<p>DOCTOR: And you simply haven't
had a heart attack.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Relieved) I haven't?
I'm okay? I'm okay? Oh, thank you, thank you, Doctor! I don't know
how to thank you.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Sarcastic) Hey, that
was really fun, George. Can we go home now?</p>
<p>DOCTOR: No, actually, we'd like
to keep him here overnight for observation, just to be safe.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, sure. Sure, anything.
Can you believe it? There's nothing wrong with me.</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Well, I wouldn't go that
far.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Starting to panic again)
What? Oh my God. What? Is it meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupis?! Is it
Lupis?!</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Have you ever had your
tonsils taken out?</p>
<p>GEORGE: My tonsils? Yeah, when
I was a kid.</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Well, they've grown back.
Your adenoids are swollen too.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Really?</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Jokingly hits the doctor)
Whose tonsils grow back? (Laughs)</p>
<p>DOCTOR: It happens.</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah, if you've been exposed
to gamma rays.</p>
<p>ELAINE: I still have my tonsils.
Everyone in my family has their tonsils. In fact, we were forbidden
to socialize with anyone who didn't have their tonsils.</p>
<p>DOCTOR: That's interesting. Because,
no one in my family has their tonsils, and we were forbidden to
socialize with tonsil people.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Sarcastically) Well,
it's like the Capulets and the Montagues.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Drawing attention back
to him) Excuse me!</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Anyway, I strongly recommend
they come out.</p>
<p>GEORGE: What? You mean with a
knife?</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Yes. With a knife. You
know, snip, snip. Anyway, you'd be completely under, you wouldn't
feel a thing. And when you wake up, you can have some ice</p>
<p>cream.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Angry) Yeah, that's
what they told me the last time.</p>
<p>DOCTOR: Think about it. (Turns
to leave, but runs into Elaine) Excuse me.</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Flustered) Oh, I'm sorry.
(Doctor exits) I just.. have to ask that doctor one more question.
(Leaves)</p>
<p>JERRY: Women go after doctors
like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the
body.. we just want the body.</p>
<p>(Kramer enters, eating off a
tray of hospital food)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Boy, they got a great
cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar.. It's like
a Sizzler's opened up a hospital! (Sits and starts eating) So, how</p>
<p>did you have a heart attack?
You're a young man. What were you doing? Are they gonna do a zipper
job? Oh, they love to do zipper jobs.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Trying to shut him up)
Kramer.</p>
<p>KRAMER: The really bad thing
about the heart is the sex thing. See, you gotta be careful about
sex now. You get that heart pumping and suddenly, boom! Next</p>
<p>thing you know, you got a hose
coming out of your chest attached to a piece of luggage.</p>
<p>JERRY: Kramer, George didn't
have a heart attack.</p>
<p>KRAMER: No? That's good.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I have to have my tonsils
taken out.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh man.. No.. George,
we gotta get you outta here. Get out! Right now! They'll kill ya
in here.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Trying to calm George
down) It's routine surgery.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh yeah? My friend, Bob
Saccomanno, he came in here for a hernia operation.. Oh yeah, routine
surgery.. now he's sittin' around in a chair by a</p>
<p>window going, &quot;My name is
Bob&quot; .. George, whatever you do, don't let 'em cut you. Don't
let 'em cut you..</p>
<p>GEORGE: Well, what should I do,
Kramer?</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, for one think, don't
listen to him.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I'll tell you what to
do, I'll tell you what to do. You go to Tor Eckman. Tor, Tor, he'll
fix you right up. He's a herbalist, a healer, George. He's not just</p>
<p>gonna fix the tonsils and the
adenoids, he is gonna change the whole way you function - body and
mind.</p>
<p>JERRY: Eckman? I thought he was
doing time?</p>
<p>KRAMER: No, no, he's out. He
got out. See, the medical establishment, see, they tried to frame
him. It's all politics. But he's a rebel.</p>
<p>JERRY: A rebel? No. Johnny Yuma
was a rebel. Eckman is a nut. George, you want to take care of your
tonsils, you do it in a hospital. With a doctor.</p>
<p>KRAMER: He's holistic, George.
He's holistic.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Holistic.. that sounds
right.</p>
<p>JERRY: George, you need a medical
doctor.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (To Jerry) Let me ask
you something.. How much do you think it would cost to have tonsils
and adenoids removed in the hospital?</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, an overnight stay
in a hospital? Minor surgery? I dunno, four grand.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Uh-huh. And how much
does the healer charge?</p>
<p>KRAMER: First visit? Thirty-eight
bucks.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, yeah? Holistic..
that's what I need. That's the answer.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Healer's apartment]</p>
<p>(Jerry and George are sitting
on huge pillows on the apartment floor. Kramers fiddling with an
acupuncture model)</p>
<p>GEORGE: So, how do you like the
way I talked you into comin' down here?</p>
<p>JERRY: Don't flatter yourself,
my friend. I'm here strictly for material, and I have a feeling
this is a potential gold mine.. I still think you're nuts, though.</p>
<p>GEORGE: All I know is I've been
going to doctors all my life. What has it gotten me? I'm thirty-three
years old. I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm</p>
<p>already facing the problems of
old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having
orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes</p>
<p>in the time it takes me to have
an orgasm. I've never had a normal, medium orgasm.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Jokingly making fun of
George) I've never had a really good pickle.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Besides, what's it gonna
cost me? Thirty-eight bucks?</p>
<p>(Tor enters. He hugs Kramer for
a long time, then walks over to Jerry and George)</p>
<p>TOR: (To Jerry) Would you not
put your foot on that please?</p>
<p>JERRY: Sorry.</p>
<p>(Tor sits down, and turns tward
George)</p>
<p>TOR: What month were you born?</p>
<p>GEORGE: April.</p>
<p>TOR: You should have been born
in August. Your parents would have been well-advised to wait.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Really?</p>
<p>TOR: Do you use hot water in
the shower?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yes.</p>
<p>TOR: Stop using it.</p>
<p>GEORGE: ..Okay.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I'm off hot water.</p>
<p>TOR: Kramer tells me that you
are interested in an alternative to surgery.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yes, yes I am.</p>
<p>TOR: (Blows into George's face)
I think we can help you. See, unfortunately, the medical establishment
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
is a business like any other business. And business needs</p>
<p>customers. And, they want to
sell you their most expensive item which is unnecessary surgery.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Still on the showers)
Can I use hot water on my face?</p>
<p>TOR: No. You know, I am not a
business man. I'm a holistic healer. It's a calling, it's a gift.
You see, it's in the best interest of the medical profession that
you remain</p>
<p>sick. You see, that insures good
business. You're not a patient. You're a customer.</p>
<p>JERRY: (He thinks this, the audience
can hear his thoughts) And you're not a doctor, but you play one
in real life.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Still on the hot water)
What about shaving?</p>
<p>TOR: (To Jerry) You're eating
too much dairy. (To George) May I? (Reaches over, and touches George's
face)</p>
<p>GEORGE: I guess so.</p>
<p>TOR: (Feeling George's face)
You see, you are in disharmony. The throat is the gateway to the
lung. Tonsillitis, adenoiditis, is, in Chinese medical terms, and
invasion</p>
<p>of heat and wind.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Again, we hear his thoughts)
There's some hot air blowing in here..</p>
<p>TOR: You know, I lived with the
Eskimos many years ago, and they used to plunge their faces into
the snow.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Once again, still on
the shower) Could it be lukewarm?</p>
<p>JERRY: Too much dairy? You really
think I'm eating too much dairy?</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Doctor's car]</p>
<p>(The Doctor and Elaine are almost
done with their date. the doctor is speaking seductively to Elaine
while holding out her tongue)</p>
<p>DOCTOR: ..The tongue.. yes, the
tongue.. or, in medical terms, the glossa. It's a muscular organ..
Consists of two parts.. the body, and the root.. You see, it's</p>
<p>covered by this mucous membrane..
These little raised projections are the papillae, which give it
that furry appearance. Very tactile..</p>
<p>(The Doctor is still holding
her tongue)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Uh-huh.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Healer's apartment]</p>
<p>TOR: (Pouring tea) Your tea is
ready now. This will solve your so-called tonsil problem. It's a
special concoction. It contains crampbark.</p>
<p>JERRY: I love crampbark.</p>
<p>TOR: Cleavers.</p>
<p>JERRY: Cleaver, I once had cleaver
as a kid. I was able to lift a car.</p>
<p>TOR: And some couchgrass.</p>
<p>JERRY: Couchgrass and crampbark?
You know, I think that's what killed Curly.</p>
<p>(Tor hands George the tea. George
isn't willing to drink it right away. Jerry looks skeptical, Kramer,
on the other hand, is enthusiastic)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Go ahead, drink it, George.</p>
<p>JERRY: Excuse me, Tor. May I
ask you a question? You have intuitive abilities. You're in touch
with a lot of this cosmic kind of things.. I have this note I can't
read.</p>
<p>I was wondering if-</p>
<p>TOR: (Takes the note, then laughs
when he reads it) Oh, yes.. yes.. &quot;Cleveland 117, San Antonio
109.. (Hands note back to Jerry)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Go ahead, drink it, George.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Takes a sip) Hey, it's
not too bad..</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Ambulance]</p>
<p>(George's strapped down on a
gurney. His face is purple, and he's screaming. Jerry and Kramer
are trying to calm him down. The driver and the assistant in the</p>
<p>back are having a huge fight)</p>
<p>GEORGE: (In a state of hysteria)
I'm an eggplant! I'm an eggplant! I'm a minstrel man!</p>
<p>DRIVER: (To Assistant) I didn't
take your Chuckle, man!</p>
<p>ASSISTANT: I had five Chuckles.
I ate a green one, and the yellow one, and the red one is missing!</p>
<p>DRIVER: I don't even like Chuckles!</p>
<p>JERRY: (To Assistant) Maybe he
doesn't like them. That's possible.</p>
<p>GEORGE: My face! My face! Get
me to the hospital!</p>
<p>ASSISTANT: I want that Chuckle!
You hear me?!</p>
<p>JERRY: (To Assistant) I'll get
you a Chuckle. You want me to get you a Chuckle?</p>
<p>ASSISTANT: (Angry, to Driver)
Pull over!</p>
<p>DRIVER: Pull over? Did you say
pull over?! You want a piece of me?!</p>
<p>ASSISTANT: Yeah!</p>
<p>JERRY: You're gonna fight?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Now?! I'm a mutant!</p>
<p>KRAMER: (To Driver) Hey, let
me drive.</p>
<p>ASSISTANT: Come on, man. Pull
over!</p>
<p>DRIVER: Alright! I'm gonna mess
you up, man!</p>
<p>(Ambulance comes to a screeching
halt. Driver gets out, and the assistant heads for the back door)</p>
<p>JERRY: (Pleading) Really, gentlemen,
please.</p>
<p>GEORGE: My heart! My heart! (To
Assistant) Where you going? Are you crazy?!</p>
<p>ASSISTANT: I'm gonna kick his
ass.</p>
<p>KRAMER: (To Assistant) Hey, you
have keys?</p>
<p>GEORGE: You can't leave! This
is an ambulance! This is an emergency!</p>
<p>(The Assistant leaves. Jerry,
Kramer, and George watch the two fight)</p>
<p>JERRY: All this for a Chuckle.</p>
<p>KRAMER: What's a Chuckle?</p>
<p>JERRY: It's a jelly candy. it
comes in five flavors.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Doctor's car]</p>
<p>(He's still holding Elaine's
tongue)</p>
<p>DOCTOR: You see, taste buds run
on grooves along the surfaces.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Can you let go of my
tongue now?</p>
<p>DOCTOR: What?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Let go of my tongue!</p>
<p>DOCTOR: (Lets go) Oh, sorry.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Well, I should get going..
(The Doctor leans in for a kiss. Elaine stops him) What are you
doing?</p>
<p>DOCTOR: I was going to kiss you
good night.</p>
<p>ELAINE: A kiss? With the tongue?
The glossa with the bumps and the papillae? ..Yech, I don't think
so. (Leaves)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Ambulance]</p>
<p>(It's now moving. The driver's
behind the wheel, but the assistant is nowhere in sight)</p>
<p>JERRY: You just can't leave him
out there.</p>
<p>DRIVER: I told him I was gonna
mess him up.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Well, can you call him
an ambulance?</p>
<p>DRIVER: I told him I didn't take
his Chuckle. I don't eat that gooey crap!</p>
<p>KRAMER: hey, watch the road!
Watch the road, man!</p>
<p>DRIVER: (Turns back, facing Kramer)
Hey, man, you want some of what he got?!</p>
<p>JERRY AND KRAMER: Watch out!</p>
<p>(The Ambulance crashes into something)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Hospital room]</p>
<p>(George is in the bed, watching
TV, wearing a neck brace. Jerry enters limping and wearing a neck
brace, also. He talks to George, but George can't respond</p>
<p>verbally)</p>
<p>JERRY: How ya doing? (George
nods) Can't talk? (George shakes his head. Jerry gestures to his
brace) Hey, how'd you get the plastic one? (George raises his</p>
<p>eyebrows) I like that. (George
sticks his tongue out) So how's life without tonsils? (George quickly
indicates with his arm that he wants ice cream) What? What's</p>
<p>that? ..So, how much is this
thing gonna cost you now? Like, five, six thousand?.. (George signals
that it's more) Well, live and learn.. at least we lived. Kramer
went</p>
<p>to Eckman.. He feels better alreadyy..
(George motions for ice cream again) What are you doing?</p>
<p>(Elaine enters)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh, poor George. Oh,
I'm sorry, but I can't stay long. I don't want to run into Doctor
Tongue.. Here, I brought you something. (Takes out a pint of ice</p>
<p>cream. George gets excited) Oh,
please, come on.. it was nothing.</p>
<p>(Nurse enters)</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey, check the TV.</p>
<p>(The TV is showing the same exact
movie Jerry was watching at the start of the show)</p>
<p>TV VOICE: (Germanic) It's just
as you prophesied. The planets of our solar system, incinerating.
Like flaming globes, Sigmond. Like flaming globes. Ah, ha, ha, ha..</p>
<p>JERRY: (Pulls the note out of
his pocket) That's it! That's it! Flaming globes of Sigmond! Flaming
Globes of Sigmond! That's my note! tha'ts what I thought was so</p>
<p>funny?! ..That's not funny..
There's nothing funny about that.</p>
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>MAN IN NEIGHBORING BED: Shut
up!</p>
<p>(George throws the whole carton
of ice cream over the separating curtan)</p>
<p>MAN: Aaahhhgggg!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
<p>JERRY: I have a friend who's
a hypochondriac, always thinks he's sick - never is. And they, you
have another type of person, always thinks they're well, not matter</p>
<p>how bad they really are. You
know this type of person? Very annoying. &quot;Feel great.. like
being on the respirator.. intravenous heart/lung machine. I never
felt better</p>
<p>in my life.&quot; Medical science
is making advances every day in control health problems. In fact,
it's probably only a matter of time before a heart attack, you know,</p>
<p>becomes like, a head ache. We'll
just see people on TV going, &quot;I had a heart attack this big
(Holds out hands, gesturing bigness) ..but, I gave myself one of
these.</p>
<p>Clear! (Puts imaginary electrode
panels to his chest) Brrhht.. and it's gone!&quot;</p>
<p>END OF SHOW.</p>
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