840 lines
43 KiB
HTML
840 lines
43 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Junk Mail</h1>
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</p>
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<p>Transcribed by:
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Ivy, "Seinfeld10"<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, on the phone: "Yeah. Yeah. All right. Uh-huh."<br>
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George, knocking on the counter and feigning a muffled, Chinese
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voice:<br>
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"Chinese food!"<br>
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Jerry, hanging up the phone: "Oh! There's my Chinese food,
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I gotta run. All<br>
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you."<br>
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George: "Who was it?"<br>
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Jerry: "I did a show for a car dealership and they're getting
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me a new SAAB."<br>
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George: "What about your old car? They couldn't get Kramer's
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blood out of it?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, the engine clotted. You know who set this whole
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thing up for me?<br>
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Frank Merman."<br>
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George: "Fragile Frankie Merman? I never liked that guy."<br>
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Jerry: "Why? He's harmless."<br>
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George: "Every summer you guys went to camp together. I was
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jealous. Felt<br>
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like he was the summer me."<br>
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Jerry: "He was not the summer you. Besides, you had a summer
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me. Whitey Fisk,<br>
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the guy who snuck you into Last Tango in Paris."<br>
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George: "I made him up."<br>
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Jerry: "So you never saw Last Tango in Paris?"<br>
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George: "No."<br>
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Jerry: "Too bad. It was erotic."<br>
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Kramer, entering Jerry's apartment: "Well... I've had it with
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these<br>
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jackbooted thugs!"<br>
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Jerry: "'Pottery Barn'?"<br>
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Kramer: "I got three 'Pottery Barn' catalogs in one day. That
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makes eight<br>
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this month."<br>
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George, holding a magazine cover: "Mira Sorvino. Think she'd
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go out with me?"<br>
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Jerry: "Why don't you just throw 'em out?"<br>
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Kramer: "Oh, no. I've been saving them up here in your apartment.
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And now,<br>
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it's payback time. 'Pottery Barn' is in for a world of hurt."<br>
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Jerry, taking a catalog: "Can I have one? I need one of those
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old-looking<br>
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phones. So you wanna grab a bite?"<br>
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George: "I can't. I gotta make the weekly call to the folks."<br>
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Jerry: "So call now."<br>
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George: "I gotta prep. I need a couple of anecdotes, a few<br>
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you-were-right-abouts. It's a whole procedure. Wasn't Fragile Frankie
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the one<br>
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that used to run into the woods every time he got upset?"<br>
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Jerry: "That's him."<br>
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George: "Is he still nuts?"<br>
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Jerry: "What do you think? They gave me a new car for thirty
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minutes of 'So,<br>
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who's from out of town?'"<br>
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<br>
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Puddy, finishing eating: "Seriously, is this the best okra
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you've ever had,<br>
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or what?"<br>
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Elaine: "Mmm. De-lish."<br>
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Puddy: "Delish?"<br>
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Elaine: "Delish. You know, short for delicious."<br>
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Puddy: "Oh, like scrump."<br>
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Elaine: "Yeah."<br>
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Puddy, leaving: "I'm gonna be late. See ya later."<br>
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Jack: "Excuse me, can I borrow your ketchup?"<br>
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Elaine, passing him the ketchup: "Oh, sure."<br>
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Jack: "Thank you."<br>
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Heraldic harp sounds as Elaine looks at Jack's face<br>
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<br>
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Estelle, answering the phone: "Hello?"<br>
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George: "Hey, it's Georgie."<br>
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Estelle: "Let me put your father on the phone."<br>
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George: "Ma!"<br>
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Frank: "Who is this?"<br>
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George: "Dad, it's me. Hey, listen, I was at Fortunoff's the
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other day, and,<br>
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you know what, you were right."<br>
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Estelle, feigning a Chinese, muffled voice: "Chinese food."<br>
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Frank, hanging up: "Sorry, George, our Chinese food just came.
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Talk to you<br>
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later."<br>
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George: "Chinese food?"<br>
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<br>
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Kramer, throwing his catalogs in the Pottery Barn store: "Hey,
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you like<br>
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sending out catalogs!? How do you like gettin' 'em back!?"<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: "So, maybe they had Chinese food?"<br>
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George: "After dark? Please. At their age, that's like swallowing
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stun<br>
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grenades."<br>
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Jerry: "Well, there's one way to check. Where there's Chinese
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food, there's<br>
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leftovers."<br>
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Elaine, entering Jerry's apartment: "Well, gentlemen. Lainie
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is... in love."<br>
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George: "That's dynamite. Yeah, I'll look for the Chinese food
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leftovers."<br>
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Elaine: "Hey, hey, hey! I met this guy! And it was like this,
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totally unreal,<br>
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fairy tale moment."<br>
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Jerry: "It wasn't Whitey Fisk, was it?"<br>
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Elaine: "Oh, George's friend. Whatever happened to him?"<br>
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George: "Nothing. Uh, I don't know. I gotta go."<br>
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Jerry: "So, this is beautiful. You, and Puddy, and this new
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guy, in a big pot<br>
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of love stew."<br>
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Elaine: "Oh, yeah... Puddy. Well, I won't fire him until I
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see if this new<br>
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guy can... handle the workload."<br>
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Kramer, entering Jerry's apartment: "Will you look at this?
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More catalogs!<br>
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'Omaha Steaks', 'Mac Warehouse', 'Newsweek'?! I can't stop all these<br>
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companies, so, I'm gonna attack this problem at the choke point."<br>
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Jerry: "Stop the mail?"<br>
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Kramer: "That's... even better!"<br>
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<br>
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Frankie: "Jerry!"<br>
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Jerry: "Hey, Frankie! So, where's the car?"<br>
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Frankie: "This is it."<br>
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Jerry: "Inside the van?"<br>
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Frankie: "It is the van! Don't you remember, we always talked
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about how cool<br>
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it would be to have a van and just drive?"<br>
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Jerry: "We were ten."<br>
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Frankie: "Come on. Let's take it for a spin."<br>
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Jerry: "I don't want a van."<br>
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Elaine: "Well, just tell him you want the SAAB."<br>
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Jerry: "You don't understand. This is Fragile Frankie Merman.
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When we were in<br>
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camp, if you upset him, he'd run out to the woods, dig a hole, and
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sit in it."<br>
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Elaine: "Well, I have an idea. Keep the van, and get a bumper
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sticker that<br>
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says, 'If this vans a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'.'"<br>
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Jerry: "Always helpful."<br>
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<br>
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Estelle: "Oh, Georgie, what are you doing here?"<br>
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George: "Just dropped in for a visit. You, uh, you never called
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me back."<br>
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Estelle: "Uh... the phone broke."<br>
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Frank: "Well, we got to get moving."<br>
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George: "What? Where are you going?"<br>
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Frank: "We have a catered affair."<br>
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George: "You're going like that?"<br>
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Frank, leaving the kitchen: "It's creative black tie. Move,
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woman."<br>
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George, checking the fridge: "No Chinese leftovers. George
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is gettin'<br>
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suspicious."<br>
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<br>
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Jack: "Elaine, I'm sorry I'm late."<br>
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Heraldic harp sounds as Elaine looks at Jack's face<br>
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Jack: "I'm gonna be in the can."<br>
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Elaine: "Okay, Jack."<br>
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Elaine, to the cashier: "Can I use your phone?"<br>
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Cashier (Ruthie Cohen): "Sure."<br>
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Elaine, over the phone: "Puddy? It's Elaine. We're through.
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Yeah, that's<br>
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right. Again."<br>
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<br>
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Frankie, in the van with Jerry: "Nice captain's chairs, huh?"<br>
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Jerry: "Aye, aye."<br>
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Frankie: "Oh, there's a spot. Just back up."<br>
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Large-vehicle reverse beeping starts<br>
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Jerry: "Hold on. There must be a truck backing up."<br>
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Frankie: "No, that's us."<br>
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Jerry: "Great. You know, Frankie, I was wondering. What if
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I decided that<br>
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it's silly to drive a van, because, you know, I live in New York
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City. Is<br>
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there maybe some way I could exchange it?"<br>
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Frankie: "You don't like the van?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, no, no. Just hypothetically."<br>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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Frankie: "I gotta go to the park."<br>
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Jerry: "No! No, you don't! No woods. I love the van. I'm a
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van guy."<br>
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<br>
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Kramer, showing Jerry his mailbox: "Check it out. Rain and
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sleet may not stop<br>
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them, but let's see them get by... these bricks."<br>
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Jerry: "Where'd you get the bricks?"<br>
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Kramer: "Jerry, the whole building is brick."<br>
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Jerry: "So you want to take a ride with me out to Jersey? I'm
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gonna try to<br>
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sell the van to a lot."<br>
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Kramer: "A dealer? Are you insane? No, take out an ad. Sell
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it privately."<br>
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Jerry: "I don't think I want to meet the people that are in
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the market for a<br>
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used van."<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: "Come on, Jerry, just let me help you."<br>
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Jerry: "OK."<br>
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Kramer: "All right! OK! Right, here we go. Yeah. OK, so...
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'For sale. A big,<br>
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juicy van.' And, ooh, you gotta put down, 'interesting trades considered.'"<br>
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Jerry: "I don't want to trade."<br>
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Kramer: "No, you don't have to. It's all about tickling their
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buying bone."<br>
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Jerry: "Hey, you know what? This is all your mail. They're
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puttin' it in my<br>
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box now."<br>
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Kramer: "Oh, that's it. They have gone too far. They keep pushing
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me, and<br>
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pushing me. Now I got no choice but to go down there... and talk
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to them."<br>
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<br>
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Elaine: "Hey, Jerry. I'd like you to meet someone. This is
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Jack."<br>
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Heraldic harp sounds as Jerry looks at Jack's face<br>
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<br>
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Postal Employee: "May I help you?"<br>
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Kramer: "Yeah, I'd like to cancel my mail."<br>
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Postal Employee: "Certainly. How long would you like us to
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hold it?"<br>
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Kramer: "Oh, no, no. I don't think you get me. I want out,
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permanently."<br>
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Newman: "I'll handle this, Violet. Why don't you take your
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three hour break?<br>
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Oh, calm down, everyone. No one's cancelling any mail."<br>
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Kramer: "Oh, yes, I am."<br>
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Newman: "What about your bills?"<br>
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Kramer: "The bank can pay 'em."<br>
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Newman: "The bank. What about your cards and letters?"<br>
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Kramer: "E-mail, telephones, fax machines. Fedex, telex, telegrams,<br>
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holograms."<br>
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Newman: "All right, it's true! Of course nobody needs mail.
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What do you<br>
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think, you're so clever for figuring that out? But you don't know
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the half of<br>
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what goes on here. So just walk away, Kramer. I beg of you."<br>
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Supervisor: "Is everything all right here, Postal Employee
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Newman?"<br>
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Newman: "Yes, sir, I believe everything is all squared away.
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Isn't it, Mr.<br>
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Kramer?"<br>
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Kramer: "Oh, yeah. As long as I stop getting mail!"<br>
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<br>
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George, surprising his parents in the kitchen: "Welcome back."<br>
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Estelle: "Oh!"<br>
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George: "Quick for a... catered affair."<br>
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Frank: "I don't know what you mean."<br>
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George: "You ditched me. That's twice. Now I demand to know
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what's going on!"<br>
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Frank: "George, we've had it with you. Understand? We love
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you like a son,<br>
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but even parents have limits."<br>
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Estelle: "The breakups, the firings. And every Sunday with
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the calls."<br>
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Frank: "What my wife is trying to say is that this is supposed
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to be our<br>
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time."<br>
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George: "I'm not following."<br>
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Frank: "We're cuttin' you lose."<br>
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George: "You're cuttin' me loose?"<br>
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Frank: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make love to
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your mother."<br>
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<br>
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George: "They don't want to see me anymore!"<br>
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Jerry: "But this is what you've always wanted."<br>
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George: "It is. I'm just not ready yet."<br>
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Jerry: "Aw, that's kind of sweet."<br>
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George: "Ah, shut up, Jerry. My parents think they can ignore
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me. Heh heh.<br>
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Well, they better think again."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, no. George, please. What are you going to do?"<br>
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George: "You remember my cousin Rhisa? I'm gonna date her."<br>
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Jerry: "Mother of God."<br>
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George: "One little wink. She'll freak out, tell my parents.
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They'll be all<br>
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over me. Who is this guy?"<br>
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Jerry: "That guy Elaine's dating seems really familiar to me.
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I think he may<br>
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have been a comedian I worked with one time. Wait a minute, what
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is this?"<br>
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On the TV, Jack is The Wiz, the spokesman for Nobody Beats the Wiz,
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chanting<br>
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"Nobody beats me, because I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!"<br>
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Jerry: "That is the guy!"<br>
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George: "Elaine's in love with the Wiz guy?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, she thinks she's in love with him. But she's just
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remembering<br>
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this old commercial."<br>
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George: "That's pretty pathetic."<br>
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Jerry: "I know. They're not even related."<br>
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Elaine, entering Jerry's apartment: "Hey."<br>
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George: "Uh... hey. I'm gonna get going."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, have fun at the... family reunion. So, what do
|
|
you know about<br>
|
|
this Jack fellow?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Isn't he the best?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Yeah, nobody beats him. What kind of work does he do?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Oh, right now he's a fact checker for New York Magazine.
|
|
It's not<br>
|
|
much, but it has a certain type of quiet dignity."<br>
|
|
Jerry, turning on the commercial: "Right, quiet dignity. As
|
|
opposed to, say,<br>
|
|
this?"<br>
|
|
On the TV, Jack is The Wiz, the spokesman for Nobody Beats the Wiz,
|
|
chanting<br>
|
|
"Nobody beats me, because I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Oh, no."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, yes."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, answering the phone: "Hello? Yeah, the van is still
|
|
for sale. Sure,<br>
|
|
come on buy."<br>
|
|
Kramer, rushing into Jerry's apartment: "Yeah, I called about
|
|
the van."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, at dinner with his cousin: "Some more merlot?"<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "Yeah, thanks."<br>
|
|
George: "Sure. You know, Rhisa. I've always found you... very
|
|
attractive."<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "What?"<br>
|
|
George: "I know it may sound shocking. But, I just can't stop
|
|
myself from...<br>
|
|
wanting you."<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "You want to borrow money, right?"<br>
|
|
George: "No, no. I-I just want us to be... together."<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "All right."<br>
|
|
George: "All right?"<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "Let's go for it."<br>
|
|
George: "Well... we could dance around it a little first."<br>
|
|
Rhisa, playing "footsie": "Nah. Let's be bad, George.
|
|
Let's be really... bad."<br>
|
|
George: "Whoa! Whoa! Geez!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, inspecting Jerry's van: "So, how come you're selling
|
|
it?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You know why I'm selling it. I hate it."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "How many miles?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Two."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "City or highway?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Look, do you really want to buy this thing, or what?"<br>
|
|
Kramer, breaking the antenna: "Hey, hey. Take it easy. I'm
|
|
not gonna be<br>
|
|
pressured. I'll walk away right now. Is this thing bent? I'm not
|
|
paying for<br>
|
|
that."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "All right, just get out of here."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "All right, look. I'm going to be honest. I'm very
|
|
interested in the<br>
|
|
van."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "OK, fine. 'What do I have to do to put you in this
|
|
van today?'"<br>
|
|
Kramer, pointing to the newspaper ad: "Well, I don't really
|
|
have any money.<br>
|
|
But it says right here, 'interesting trades considered'."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You put that in!"<br>
|
|
Kramer, pulling out an undershirt: "And I'm glad I did. Here."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You want to trade me an undershirt?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No, I want to trade you screen legend Anthony Quinn's
|
|
undershirt. He<br>
|
|
took this off to do sit-ups in the park and I nabbed it."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "That's disgusting."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, it's my final offer."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Puddy: "You dumped me for some idiotic TV pitchman."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Look, I'm sorry, Puddy. It-it was a mistake. So, let's
|
|
just put it<br>
|
|
behind us, and we can continue like this never happened."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Gee, I don't know. What if we're out somewhere and
|
|
you see the Maytag<br>
|
|
repairman."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "You're not taking me back?"<br>
|
|
Puddy, leaving: "That's right."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "He's not idiotic. He's the Wiz. And nobody beats him.
|
|
Nobody..."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, handing out anti-mail pamphlets: "Here you go. Mail
|
|
is evil. Pass it<br>
|
|
on. Hey, mail blows. Fax it to a friend."<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Woman: "Why does this dummy have a bucket on its head?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Because we're blind to their tyranny."<br>
|
|
Woman: "Then shouldn't you be wearing the bucket?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah. Move along, Betty."<br>
|
|
Frankie: "Is this, uh, Jerry Seinfeld's van?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, not anymore. He traded it to me for some Hollywood<br>
|
|
memorabilia."<br>
|
|
Frankie: "I'm, uh, I'm so stupid."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "What?"<br>
|
|
Frankie, running away: "I'm so stupid. Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah, nice to meet you."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: "She's into it?"<br>
|
|
George: "She's leaving me dirty messages on my answering machine."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So have your parents found out about it?"<br>
|
|
George: "She wants to keep it quiet. She... thinks we have
|
|
a real future<br>
|
|
together."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Brave new world, alright."<br>
|
|
Kramer, entering Monk's: "Hey, you guys."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, how's the anti-mail campaign going?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, it's fantastic. We were out in front of the post
|
|
office today,<br>
|
|
and not one person went in."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "It's Sunday."<br>
|
|
George: "Why is the mailman wearing a bucket?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Huh? Well, it symbolizes our persecution."<br>
|
|
George: "Then... shouldn't you be wearing the bucket."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, I want my van keys back."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, well. I, uh, thought we made a deal for Quinn's
|
|
t-shirt."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Are you insane? Give 'em to me."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No, I can't, I can't. See, I told Frank he could borrow
|
|
it. Yeah, he<br>
|
|
wants to move some of George's stuff into storage."<br>
|
|
George: "Wait a minute? He's picking up the van tonight? This
|
|
is perfect.<br>
|
|
I'll drive Rhisa to someplace romantic. Then when my father slides
|
|
the door<br>
|
|
open, I'm in the van kissing his brother's daughter."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, listen, Jerry. One of your friends came by and
|
|
he was very upset<br>
|
|
that I had your wheels."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, no, not Frankie."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, I didn't catch his name, but then he went running
|
|
into the<br>
|
|
park."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, no, the woods! The hole!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, seeing Newman pull up along side him in his truck: "Hey."<br>
|
|
Newman: "Kramer, what the hell are you doing?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "I know, I'm gonna switch the bucket to something else."<br>
|
|
Newman: "Not that!"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "What?"<br>
|
|
Newman: "You're in trouble, Kramer. I shouldn't even be talking
|
|
to you, but<br>
|
|
I'm telling you as a friend. Here's how it's going to happen: you
|
|
may be<br>
|
|
walking. Maybe on a crisp, autumn day just like today. When a mail
|
|
truck will<br>
|
|
slow beside you, and a door will open, and a mailman you know, maybe
|
|
even<br>
|
|
trust, will offer to give you a lift."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Are you through?"<br>
|
|
Newman: "No! And no one will ever see you again!"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Are you through?"<br>
|
|
Newman: "Yes. No, wait! OK, yes."<br>
|
|
Newman, seeing postal security officials walking towards Kramer:
|
|
"Quick! Get<br>
|
|
in!"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, no, no, no. That's exactly how you said it was
|
|
going down."<br>
|
|
Newman: "There's another way it can go down, and it's going
|
|
down right now!"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No. You said a mailman I know, and you're a mailman
|
|
I know!"<br>
|
|
Newman: "I know you know, but you don't know what I know."<br>
|
|
Kramer, being grabbed by the security officials: "Hey!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Frankie! Frankie! Frankie! Frankie, is that you?"<br>
|
|
Hole Digger: "My name is Edgar."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Have a nice night."<br>
|
|
Hole Digger: "Thank you."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Frankie, digging a hole, talking to himself, and seeing Jerry's
|
|
van pull up<br>
|
|
near him: "Stupid... so stupid! Jerry?"<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "All right, George. I'm ready."<br>
|
|
George: "Yeah, hold on. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to get a reading
|
|
on my<br>
|
|
dashboard compass. Where are my parents?"<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "Geor-gie..."<br>
|
|
Frankie, running up to the van and yelling through the window: "Is
|
|
this<br>
|
|
Seinfeld's van? Seinfeld's van? Seinfeld's van?!"<br>
|
|
Rhisa, hearing Frankie as George runs to the back of the van: "Wait.
|
|
What's<br>
|
|
he saying?"<br>
|
|
George: "I think he's saying 'Son of Sam'! Oh, my God!"<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "No, they caught him."<br>
|
|
George, running out and away from the van: "I knew it wasn't
|
|
Berkowitz!"<br>
|
|
Frankie, seeing George running away: "Ohh..."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: "So I told him, 'Hit the road. I'm going back with
|
|
Jack.'"<br>
|
|
Jack: "Elaine, that's the second piece of good news today."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Really, what was the first?"<br>
|
|
Jack, pulling out his Wiz hat: "They're bringing me back. Yeah.
|
|
I'm the Wiz<br>
|
|
again."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "What?"<br>
|
|
Jack, dancing around: "I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Well what, what about your fact-checking job?"<br>
|
|
Jack, dancing around: "Oh... here's a fact. Uh, I'm... the
|
|
Wiz! I'm the Wiz<br>
|
|
and noooobody beats me!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, finding Frankie, in his hole, in the woods: "Frankie...
|
|
come on out of<br>
|
|
there."<br>
|
|
Frankie: "You hate the van."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "But I'm keeping it. As much as I hate the idea of being
|
|
a van guy,<br>
|
|
it's much better than hanging out here with the nocturnal dirt people."<br>
|
|
Frankie: "So, can we go for a ride?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Yeah, let's just get out of here."<br>
|
|
Hole Digger #2, eyeing the empty hole, and getting into it: "Are
|
|
you done<br>
|
|
with that?"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Frank, coming upon the van, supposedly left by Kramer for him, in
|
|
the woods:<br>
|
|
"Good. He left the door unlocked."<br>
|
|
Estelle: "Why did Kramer have to park the van in the woods?"<br>
|
|
Frank: "Isn't it obvious? There are no parking meters out here."<br>
|
|
Estelle, looking inside of the van: "Wow!"<br>
|
|
Frank, reclining the seats in the van to a bed: "Hey, look
|
|
at this. Hoochie<br>
|
|
mama!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Oh, my goodness. What have they done to
|
|
you here?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Huh? Who are you?"<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Well, you can just call me Henry."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Henry Atkins? The postmaster general?"<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Last time I checked."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Henry... can I get out of here now?"<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Oh, oh. Sit a bit. Sit a bit. I mean,
|
|
after all, I drove<br>
|
|
all the way up here from D.C. just to talk to you."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh?"<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "I even had to cancel a round of golf with
|
|
the secretary<br>
|
|
of state. Do you like golf, Mr. Kramer?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah."<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Kramer, I've been, uh, reading some of
|
|
your material<br>
|
|
here. I gotta be honest with you: you make a pretty strong case.
|
|
I mean, just<br>
|
|
imagine. An army of men in wool pants running through the neighborhood<br>
|
|
handing out pottery catalogs, door to door."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah! Ha ha."<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Well, it's my job. And I'm pretty damn
|
|
serious about it.<br>
|
|
In addition to being a postmaster, I'm a general. And we both know,
|
|
it's the<br>
|
|
job of a general to, by God, get things done. So maybe you can understand
|
|
why<br>
|
|
I get a little irritated when someone calls me away from my golf."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "I'm very, very sorry."<br>
|
|
Postmaster General: "Sure, you're sorry. I think we got a stack
|
|
of mail out<br>
|
|
at the desk that belongs to you. Now, you want that mail, don't
|
|
you Mr.<br>
|
|
Kramer?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Sure do!"<br>
|
|
Postmaster General, receiving a salute from Kramer: "Now, that's
|
|
better."<br>
|
|
Kramer, seeing Newman walk into the office with a bucket on his
|
|
head,<br>
|
|
escorted by a security man: "Geez. Newman?"<br>
|
|
Newman, whimpering: "Tell the world my story."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, George!"<br>
|
|
George: "Jerry! Hey, that's the guy!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "What? George Costanza, Frankie Merman."<br>
|
|
George: "Oh. The summer me."<br>
|
|
Frankie: "The winter me."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You must be George's cousin."<br>
|
|
Rhisa: "Girlfriend."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "All right."<br>
|
|
George, seeing Jerry's van shaking: "What is that? That van's
|
|
a-rockin'."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Don't go a-knockin'."<br>
|
|
Estelle, after George opens the van door: "Oh, my god!"<br>
|
|
George, seeing his parents being "intimate": "Oh,
|
|
my god!"<br>
|
|
Frankie: "Now you gotta sell this van."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, yeah."<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Frank: "What you saw in that van was a natural expression of
|
|
a man's love for<br>
|
|
his lady."<br>
|
|
George: "Ohhhh..."<br>
|
|
Estelle: "Your father's right. It's beautiful."<br>
|
|
Frank: "And it was safe."<br>
|
|
George: "Oh, God..."<br>
|
|
Frank: "Now if you'll excuse me. Once again, your mother and
|
|
I..."<br>
|
|
George: "Oh... make it stop."<br>
|
|
END</p>
|
|
<p>Generously donated
|
|
by: Ivy,   Ivy's Seinfeld Page
|
|
|
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|
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<strong><big><big></big></big></strong>
|
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- content -->
|
|
|
|
<div id="navBar">
|
|
|
|
<div id="upperBox">
|
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
|
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript"
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src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
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</div>
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<div class="leftnav"><br />
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<ul>
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<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
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<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<div>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p> </p>
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</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
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|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
|
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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