1080 lines
41 KiB
HTML
1080 lines
41 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
|
|
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"
|
|
xmlns:og="http://opengraphprotocol.org/schema/"
|
|
xmlns:fb="http://www.facebook.com/2008/fbml"><!-- InstanceBegin template="/Templates/seinfeld.dwt" codeOutsideHTMLIsLocked="false" -->
|
|
<head>
|
|
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
|
|
<META NAME="AUTHOR" CONTENT="Doctoroids" />
|
|
<META NAME="COPYRIGHT" CONTENT="© 2002-2010 Doctoroids" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="doctitle" -->
|
|
<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Limo</title>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<link href="support-files/seinfeld.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" />
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="docdescription" -->
|
|
<meta name="description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Limo. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="dockeywords" -->
|
|
<meta name="keywords" content="the limo, seinfeld limo, seinfeld scripts, seinfeld, seinfeld episode" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
window.google_analytics_uacct = "UA-16472669-1";
|
|
</script>
|
|
<link rel="image_src" href="images/seinfeld-share.jpg" />
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://s7.addthis.com/js/250/addthis_widget.js#username=doctoroids">var addthis_config = {data_track_clickback: true};</script>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="head" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="pagetype" -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageType="CONTENT";
|
|
</script>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script>
|
|
|
|
<meta property="og:site_name" content="SeinfeldScripts"/>
|
|
<meta property="fb:app_id" content="164823560224402"/>
|
|
<meta property="fb:admins" content="824270386"/>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="ogdata" -->
|
|
<meta property="og:image" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/images/seinfeld-cast.jpg"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:title" content="The Limo"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:type" content="tv_show"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:url" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheLimo.html"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Limo. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes"/>
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
|
|
</head>
|
|
<body>
|
|
<div class="wrap">
|
|
<div class="head_title">
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div id="menu">
|
|
<ul>
|
|
<!-- **** INSERT NAVIGATION ITEMS HERE (use id="selected" to identify the page you're on **** -->
|
|
|
|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Gifts</a></li>
|
|
</ul>
|
|
<div class="addthis_toolbox addthis_default_style" id="menu_share">
|
|
<li><a style="padding: 8px 3px 8px 160px" href="http://addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&username=doctoroids" class="addthis_button_compact">Share</a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_facebook"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_twitter"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_googlebuzz"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_digg"></a></li>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="underMenu">
|
|
<a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com">Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community!</a></div>
|
|
|
|
<div id="content"><!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="main_content" -->
|
|
<h1>The Limo</h1>
|
|
|
|
<p><table width="300" height="250" border="0" align="left" cellpadding="0" style="margin-right:10px;">
|
|
<tr>
|
|
<td>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-in_content-top_left */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4619537930";
|
|
google_ad_width = 300;
|
|
google_ad_height = 250;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
</td>
|
|
</tr>
|
|
</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
|
|
[Transcribed by Dave (ratboy)] </p>
|
|
<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
|
|
Written by: Larry Charles<br>
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>Episode no. 36<br>
|
|
pc: 318, season 3, episode 18<br>
|
|
Broadcast date: February 26, 1992<br>
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>The Cast</p>
|
|
<p>Regulars:<br>
|
|
Jerry Seinfeld................... Jerry Seinfeld<br>
|
|
Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza<br>
|
|
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes<br>
|
|
Michael Richards................. Cosmo Kramer</p>
|
|
<p>Guest Stars:</p>
|
|
<p>Peter Krause..................... Tim<br>
|
|
Suzanne Snyder................... Eva<br>
|
|
Jeremy Roberts................... Chauffeur<br>
|
|
Jodi Baskerville................. Herself<br>
|
|
I.M. Hobson...................... Businessman<br>
|
|
Harley Venton.................... Dan<br>
|
|
Adam Leslie...................... Man at Protest<br>
|
|
Norman Brenner................... Man at Airport<br>
|
|
Aaron Kanarek.................... Protester #1<br>
|
|
Ray Glanzmann.................... Protester #2</p>
|
|
<p></p>
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
Do you think that the people at the airport that run the stores have any
|
|
idea<br>
|
|
what the prices are every place else in the world? Or do you think they
|
|
just<br>
|
|
feel they have their own little country out there and they can charge
|
|
anything<br>
|
|
they want? You're hungry? Tuna sandwich is nine dollars. You don't like
|
|
it;<br>
|
|
go back to your own country. I think the whole airport airline complex
|
|
is a<br>
|
|
huge scam just to sell the tuna sandwiches. I think that profit is what's<br>
|
|
supporting the whole air travel industry. I mean think about it; the terminals,<br>
|
|
the airplanes, it's all just a distraction so that you don't notice the
|
|
beating<br>
|
|
that you're taking on the tuna.</p>
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
First scene.<br>
|
|
George is at the airport.</p>
|
|
<p>George: It's all departures. I see nothing but departures. (to the woman<br>
|
|
beside him) Do you know where the arrivals are?</p>
|
|
<p>The woman walks away. George addresses the man standing on the other
|
|
side.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?</p>
|
|
<p>Man: There's a clock over there.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Where?</p>
|
|
<p>Man (pointing): There.</p>
|
|
<p>George: But you have a watch on.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: It's right by the escalator.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Why don't you just look at your watch?</p>
|
|
<p>Man: I told you, it's right over there.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Let me see the watch.</p>
|
|
<p>George grabs the man's wrist.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Hey! What are you, some kind of nut?!</p>
|
|
<p>George: You know we're living in a society!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry walks up from the ramp.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: George.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Jerry. Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Sorry, the flight was delayed, how long've you been waiting?</p>
|
|
<p>George: I just got here. My car broke down on the Belt Parkway.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry, Oh I can't believe-- why don't you get rid of that piece of junk.</p>
|
|
<p>George: One mile from the exit it starts shaking, really violently shaking,<br>
|
|
like it's having a nervous breakdown. It completely stopped dead.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So you have no car?</p>
|
|
<p>George: No.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So what good are you?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry looks over towards a chauffer holding a sign that says O'BRIEN</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'll tell you one thing, this chauffeur's gonna be waiting a while,<br>
|
|
O'Brien's not showing up.</p>
|
|
<p>George: How do you know?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He was in Chicago, the flight was overbooked, wouldn't let him
|
|
on the<br>
|
|
plane. He kept screaming how he had to get to Madison Square Garden.</p>
|
|
<p>George: We should take his limo.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, right.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Wait a second. Think about it. He's not showing up. Wait till
|
|
you<br>
|
|
see the line of cabs, its like forty-five minutes long. You said he's
|
|
in<br>
|
|
Chicago.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He's definitely in Chicago.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well the guy's just standing there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How would we do it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: We just go up to him, we say, "We're O'Brien."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Maybe he knows O'Brien?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: No, he doesn't know O'Brien, if he knew O'Brien he wouldn't have
|
|
a<br>
|
|
sign. Let's just do it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What if we get caught?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What's gonna happen? They can't kill us.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Who's gonna be O'Brien?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'll be O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Who am I?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You're you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Just me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Okay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What, you don't want to be you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well if you're gonna be O'Brien, why can't I be somebody?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Like who?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Dylan Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George mumbles something.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What, now you wanna be Dylan Murphy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well I like Dylan.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You could be Colin.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Colin O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I'm Dylan Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'm Colin O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
They walk towards the chauffer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Are we really doing this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Come on,<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man (to George): Hey, do you have the time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Clock over there. (to chauffer) O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Chauffer: Yes sir.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Sorry we're late.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Chauffer: Here let me take that for you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Chauffer: I'll get the car and I'll bring it around front.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Thank you very much. Dylan?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Colin?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
George and Jerry are in the back of a limo. George is giddy with excitement.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: This is incredible! This is one of the greatest things I've ever
|
|
done<br>
|
|
in my life! I'm gonna call my mother.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What for?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I dunno, I'm in a limo. (dials) Hello ma? It's me. Guess where
|
|
I am. <br>
|
|
In the back of a limo. No, nobody died. It's a long story, I can't tell
|
|
you<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
now. Because I can't. I said I can't. If I could, I would. Would you stop<br>
|
|
it? Alright, look, I'm getting off. No, I'm not telling you! How's this?
|
|
I'm<br>
|
|
*never* telling you! I don't care! No! Fine! Never!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: She happy for you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Can he hear us?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No. Why?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I thought I saw him look in the mirror suspiciously.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: He can't hear us.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Let's test him. Hey, driver. What do you say we stop off, pick
|
|
up<br>
|
|
your sister, have a little fun back here? No, he can't hear us.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Where's he dropping us? Maybe we can get him to drop us right at
|
|
my<br>
|
|
house?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: We'll ask him. (opens partition) My dear fellow, where are you<br>
|
|
dropping us?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Chauffer: Madison Square Garden, of course. I have the four passes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Of course, the uh, the four passes. (closes partition) Four passes
|
|
to<br>
|
|
Madison Square Garden? Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Of course! Chicago!
|
|
<br>
|
|
The Knicks are playing the Bulls tonight!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: We are going to the Knick game! Michael Jordan!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We're going to the Knick game!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Did I tell you?! Did I tell you?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I can't believe it! You may have hit with this one!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You see, you see? I see things as they are and I say, 'no!' Uh,
|
|
wait,<br>
|
|
you see things as they are not and you s- Wait, uh, you see things, do
|
|
you see<br>
|
|
things as they are? What do you say when you see things?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Lemme call Elaine and Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: If I see things as they are, I would ask 'why' or 'why not?'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Elaine? It's me. What are you doing tonight? Great. George and
|
|
I<br>
|
|
have tickets, four free passes to the Knicks-Bulls game, Madison Square
|
|
Garden. <br>
|
|
Can you go? Great, listen, call Kramer, tell him to meet us on the corner
|
|
at<br>
|
|
seven o'clock. Alright. We're gonna pick you up in a limo. That's right<br>
|
|
babydoll. Hey listen, when we pick you up, I'm Murphy and George is O'Brien.
|
|
I<br>
|
|
can't tell you now, it's a long story. I am serious. Okay. Okay bye. (opens<br>
|
|
partition) 'Scuse me, driver, we have to make a little stop first.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Chauffer: I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and George: He knows?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Where are we going? Why are we pulling off here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Maybe it's a shortcut.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: We're on the Grand Central, there's no traffic.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (opens partition) 'Scuse me, driver, why are we getting off this
|
|
exit?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Chauffer: Pick up the other members of your party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Right. The other members of our party. (closes partition) Other<br>
|
|
members of our party? What other members of our party? I didn't even know
|
|
we<br>
|
|
were in a party. Oh, I'm telling you, the jig is up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It was a bad jig to begin with, we never should have started this
|
|
jig.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: It was a good jig.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It was a bad jig, a terrible terrible jig. What are we gonna do
|
|
now? <br>
|
|
They're gonna know you're not O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: There could be more than one O'Brien on a plane who ordered a
|
|
limo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: First of all, you don't look like any O'Brien, period.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well you should have been O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I don't want to be Murphy anymore; do I still have to be Murphy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yes, you have to be Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It makes no sense now, me being Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You're Murphy!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I'm Seinfeld!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You're Murphy!! Look, let's just jump out of the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We're doing sixty miles an hour!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: So we jump and roll, you won't get hurt.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Who are you, Mannix?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: We're slowing down. Are those the people?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Alright put your hands up over your face, pretend you're sleeping.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The limo pulls over, two people, a man (Tim) and a woman (Eva), get in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Woman (reaches out to Jerry): Mr. O'Brien?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, I'm, uh, Dylan Murphy. Mr. O'Brien had a long trip, he's sleeping.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva (whispering): Oh, well I don't want to disturb him. We're just rather<br>
|
|
excited to meet him face to face, finally. We're faithful readers of his<br>
|
|
newsletter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Newsletter?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: And of course, his great book, "The Game".<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, yes, he's very proud of his work in the big game. So you've
|
|
never<br>
|
|
uh, met him before?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Never seen a picture of him?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: Never.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Not even on the book jacket?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: There was no picture on the book jacket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry (nudging George): Hey O'Brien, wake up, c'mon, we got company. Wake
|
|
up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hello. I'm O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Elaine meets Kramer of Jerry's corner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Hey!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What, you took a cab?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yeah? So?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: How much do you make?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I'm not telling you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: C'mon.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: No!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I'll tell you how much I make.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I know how much you make. I don't even know why I'm doing this,
|
|
I<br>
|
|
don't even like basketball.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: You ever seen Michael Jordan?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Just in those commercials.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Maybe you'll see him do one of those three-sixty dunks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What's that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh, it's like this, here, you guard me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer then drives to 'the hoop' and tumbles headfirst into a bunch of
|
|
garbage<br>
|
|
cans.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to 'O'Brien' and 'Murphy' in the limo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry (checking his watch): I don't think we're gonna make the tip off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: You think someone's been tipped off?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: So, um, you've read "The Big Game", have you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva (fawning): Yes I've read it and I've memorized it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Tell me your impressions, I would love to hear what a young woman<br>
|
|
thinks of "The Big Game".<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: Well, this is sort of embarrassing, but it's changed my life. The
|
|
way you<br>
|
|
analyzed the game? The way you identify the major players? Well it left
|
|
me<br>
|
|
breathless. You're a brilliant, brilliant man.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well, it's just a game. Remember that, kids.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: Just a game. He's so humble. Don't forget what you wrote in the<br>
|
|
epilogue, the fate of the world depends on the outcome of this game.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well, I was exaggerating a bit, just for effect.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: He tends to exaggerate.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Okay, I mean it's serious but--<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: We are really looking forward to your speech tonight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Uh, my speech?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: Yes, your secretary faxed me the copy. Would you like to look it
|
|
over?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well you might as well look it over.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to Kramer and Elaine waiting on the corner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: So what's going on, how did all this happen?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Jerry and George called me from this limo and they said we're
|
|
all going<br>
|
|
to the Knicks-Bulls game.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Limo? I thought that George went to pick him up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: He did.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well then why would they take a limo from the airport?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: That's pretty strange. Did he say anything else?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yeah. He said, um, he said it's really important that we call
|
|
them<br>
|
|
O'Brien and Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: O'Brien. Why would he want to be called O'Brien?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to the limo, George is reading from O'Brien's speech.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: ...and the Jews steal our money through their Zionist occupied<br>
|
|
government and use the black man to bring drugs into our oppressed white<br>
|
|
minority communities.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You're not going to open with that, are you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: What was that you said about the myth of the Holocaust?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I said so many things.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Suddenly they hear a loud bang.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: They're shooting! They're shooting!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim (pulling out a gun): Alright, get down!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The limo comes to a screeching halt. Tim exits the limo to look around,
|
|
Eva has<br>
|
|
fallen on top of George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva. Ohhh. I'm ready to die for you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: That's really very nice of you, Eva. Thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: But of course you know I would. I would do anything for you. Anything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim returns.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: Nothing to worry about, it was just a flat tire. But rest assured,
|
|
we're<br>
|
|
prepared to handle anything that might come up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim opens a briefcase filled with firearms. Eva grabs one and starts handling<br>
|
|
it sensually.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Nice looking Lugar.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Jodi Baskerville, reporting live.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jodi: I'm standing in front of the Paramount adjacent to Madison Square
|
|
Garden<br>
|
|
where a growing number of vociferous and angry demonstrators are gathering
|
|
to<br>
|
|
protest the very first public appearance of Donald O'Brien, the leader
|
|
of the<br>
|
|
midwestern regional chapter of the Aryan Union, and reputed to be their
|
|
most<br>
|
|
charismatic spokesman. The reclusive Mr. O'Brien is an advocate of the
|
|
violent<br>
|
|
overthrow of the government. He has openly professed a deep admiration
|
|
of Adolf<br>
|
|
Hitler. Even David Duke has denounced him as a dangerous extremist. There
|
|
is a<br>
|
|
full house inside awaiting his arrival from the airport. Sources tell
|
|
me he is<br>
|
|
in route and should be arriving momentarily. Police have set up barricades,
|
|
but<br>
|
|
quite frankly Bill and Jean, I don't think they're any match for the emotional<br>
|
|
fuse that has been lit here tonight. Reporting from the Paramount, I'm
|
|
Jodi<br>
|
|
Baskerville, back to you in the studio.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to Kramer and Elaine on the corner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Something's very strange. George goes to the airport to pick up
|
|
Jerry. <br>
|
|
They come back in a limo with four tickets to the basketball game and
|
|
wanna be<br>
|
|
called O'Brien and Murphy? O'Brien. O'Brien, why O'Brien?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A group of people approach from the adjacent sidewalk. One of them recognized<br>
|
|
Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Dan! Oh, hi Dan, how are you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Um, oh, this is um, Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Oh, Kramer?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
They shake hands.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What's going on?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Oh, we're heading down to protest this big neo-nazi rally. The head
|
|
of<br>
|
|
the Aryan Union is speaking, he's in from Chicago. You should come.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Oh, can't, I'm going to the Knicks-Bulls game.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Oh, well that's where the rally is. The Paramount, right next door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Oh, well, maybe we'll run into you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Yeah, yeah ok. It's really gonna be something, this is the first
|
|
time<br>
|
|
he's ever appeared in public, no one even knows what he looks like.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Who?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: The head of the Aryan Union; O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to the limo.<br>
|
|
Jerry and George are alone inside.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What's taking him so long out there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Didja see the way she was looking at me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: She's a Nazi, George. A Nazi!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I know, I know. Kind of a cute Nazi though.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well we gotta make a plan before they come back, what are we gonna
|
|
do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Let's just make a run for it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I can't run, I have a bad hamstring.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How'd that happen?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
George: I hurt it in a hotel room. You know where they tuck the covers
|
|
in real<br>
|
|
tight in those hotel rooms? I can't sleep like that so I tried to kick
|
|
it out<br>
|
|
and I pulled it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I know, why do they make that bed so tight? You gotta sleep with
|
|
your<br>
|
|
feet like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: For a mental patient. Wait a minute, the phone, we'll call the
|
|
police.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George grabs the phone and dials.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: 9... 1... 1. She said she'd do anything. Hello, police? Uh, yeah<br>
|
|
listen, we're in the back of a limo in Queens--<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim re-enters the limo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: --Astroturf? You know who's responsible for that, don't you?!
|
|
The<br>
|
|
Jews! Ah, the Jews hate grass. They always have, they always will.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: We'll be ready in a minute.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Would you excuse us for a minute Tim boy, we're kind of in the
|
|
middle<br>
|
|
of something.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: With all due respect, Mr. O'Brien, we're just about to leave.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Tim, who's the head of the Aryan Union, you or me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: You are.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: And who's responsible for making hate mongering and fascism popular<br>
|
|
again?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: You are.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Good. I think you forgot something.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: I'm sorry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Good. Now get out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim leaves.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Okay, what are we gonna do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Alright, how's this? We wait till we get to your street corner,
|
|
we see<br>
|
|
Elaine and Kramer then we get out. They can't shoot us in the city.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Nah. No one's ever been shot in the city.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to Elaine and Kramer on the corner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I'm telling you, something's going on. I can feel it, sense it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I'm sure he was just joking around.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh no no no, this is no joke. O'Brien's coming in from Chicago,<br>
|
|
Jerry's in a limo, says he's O'Brien? That's not funny. Oh my god. Yes.
|
|
Yes!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What is it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Don't you see? There's always been something very strange about
|
|
Jerry,<br>
|
|
always so clean and organized. Do I have to spell it out for you? The
|
|
limo? <br>
|
|
The name? The rally at Madison Square Garden? Jerry, O'Brien are the same<br>
|
|
person. Jerry is the leader of the Aryan Union!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Jerry's a nazi?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I can't believe I didn't see it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Listen, you idiot! Just calm down! I know Jerry, he's not a nazi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: You don't think so.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: No, he's just neat.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to the limo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: You know it's funny. You don't look like an O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Me??<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George and Jerry laugh nervously.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: And you really don't look like a Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I may not look like a Murphy but I act like a Murphy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: He's extremely Murphy. He's Murphy to a fault.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: Where are you from?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Dublin. Originally. Parents came over here when I was eighteen.
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cereal famine. Couldn't get a bowl anywhere. Bad. 'Tis a beautiful country<br>
|
|
though; lush rolling hills, and the peat, ah the peat.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: Sounds more like Scottish.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We were right on the border.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to the street corner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Maybe he's with the company.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: The CIA! Maybe they placed him in there to infiltrate the organization<br>
|
|
from within.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What about his comedy act?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: That's the perfect cover! All that time on the road? Look Jerry,
|
|
he's<br>
|
|
too normal to be a comedian. These comedians, they're sick, neurotic people.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What about George?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What about him, he's part of it. His whole personality is a disguise.
|
|
<br>
|
|
No real person can act the way he does. Elaine, I'm telling you they're
|
|
with<br>
|
|
the organization. They're all part of it. He's in there with Helms and
|
|
Hunt<br>
|
|
and Liddy, that whole crowd. George and Jerry, they probably know who
|
|
killed<br>
|
|
Kennedy!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I'll bet they were even in on it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Alright, what are we gonna do? I'm not gonna let him hurt you.
|
|
(grabs<br>
|
|
and hugs Elaine tightly) I'm not gonna.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Kramer, you're hurting me!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Quick cut to the now approaching limo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Those are my friends I was telling you about. We're gonna talk
|
|
to<br>
|
|
them, pull over.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Get off of me!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The limo pulls over and George and Jerry get out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
This attracts the attention of Dan and his friends standing at a nearby
|
|
bus<br>
|
|
stop.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man: O'Brien? Is that him?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man #2: Yeah, that's him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man #3: Look there's O'Brien!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man #4: Filthy nazi bastard!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
All four: Let's get him!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
They begin running full speed towards the gang.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What do I do?! What do I do?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Get in the car! Get in the car!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, Elaine, Jerry and Kramer all jump into the limo which speeds off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer (pointing to Jerry): O'Brien. Long time no see. How's tricks, Murphy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Tim: Why did you call him O'Brien and him Murphy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, he was talking to me, he's cross-eyed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: It could be very confusing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The limo phone rings Kramer answers it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah? Eva?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: It's for me. (takes phone) Hello? (cups receiver) It's O'Brien.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Kramer: O'Brien? Well that's weird.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva (gun drawn): Who are you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George and Jerry begin simultaneous explanations about how George's car
|
|
broke<br>
|
|
down when he went to pick Jerry up at the airport.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to Jodi Baskerville, reporting live.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jodi: A limousine has just pulled up it's being surrounded by a huge group
|
|
of<br>
|
|
protestors, this has the makings of a very ugly scene.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to the limo, Elaine has joined the group explanation, none of
|
|
the three<br>
|
|
are intelligible at this point.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jodi: They are banging on the car, trying to flip it over. The police
|
|
seem<br>
|
|
unable or unwilling to control the crowd, I would imagine Mr. O'Brien
|
|
must be<br>
|
|
having some very grave doubts if he made the right choice for his first
|
|
public<br>
|
|
appearance.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut back to the limo. The explanations are becoming more heated and less<br>
|
|
understandable, the limo is rocking violently and Tim and Eva are becoming<br>
|
|
unnerved.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Eva: Get out!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Look, it's Dan! Hi Dan!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Dan: Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Hey!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cut to George in front of a news camera, the on screen graphic says 'DONALD<br>
|
|
O'BRIEN Leader of the Aryan Union'.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I am not O'Brien! I am not O'Brien! I'm not O'Brien! Ask anyone!
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry?! Jerry?!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Closing monologue.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
So I was watching this movie the other night, it was a World War Two movie
|
|
and<br>
|
|
there was Nazis in the movie and I noticed that the Nazis in those movies
|
|
always<br>
|
|
had like two separate heils. They had like the regular heil that they
|
|
would do<br>
|
|
and then when they were around the offices they had like this casual heil,<br>
|
|
remember that one, you ever notice that? They come in, yeah, heil, how
|
|
are ya,<br>
|
|
is the kid back with the coffee yet? Come on, are you finished with the
|
|
copier? <br>
|
|
Yeah. World domination, Aryan race, whose donuts are those? Yeah, heil,
|
|
nice<br>
|
|
to see ya, can I have one of those donuts?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
End. </p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p align="center"> </p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- content -->
|
|
|
|
<div id="navBar">
|
|
|
|
<div id="upperBox">
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
|
|
google_ad_width = 200;
|
|
google_ad_height = 200;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="leftnav"><br />
|
|
<ul>
|
|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
|
|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
|
|
|
|
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
|
|
<div>
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
|
|
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
|
|
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
|
|
</div>
|
|
</form>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
</ul>
|
|
<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
|
|
google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|