1102 lines
47 KiB
HTML
1102 lines
47 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Little Kicks</h1>
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Episode 138</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>First aired: 10/10/96</p>
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<p>Written by Spike Feresten</p>
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<p>Directed by Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Cast: </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld himself</p>
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<p>George Costanza Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Cosmo Kramer Michael Richards</p>
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<p>Brody Neil Giuntoli</p>
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<p>Anna Rebecca McFarland</p>
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<p>Frank Costanza Jerry Stiller</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Jerry and Kramer walking down the street. Jerry is closest to
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the street.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: I wouldn't walk over there.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Why not?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: It's the most dangerous part of the sidewalk. Cab hops
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a curb, wap! You've</p>
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<p>had your last egg sandwich.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: What about over there? You know air conditioners fall out
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all the time.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: I'd much rather get hit by an 80 pound air conditioner
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than a two ton cab.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, cab's comin' in right here (Hand at waist) Set of plastic
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hips,</p>
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<p>prosthetic legs, and a monkey to answer the door, I'm back in business.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Much rather take it to the head, Like I did in '79.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: You were livin' in the village then, right?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Don't really remember.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Coffee shop, Jerry and Elaine</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: (Showing fingernails) Toxic waste green.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: That is disgusting.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: You know, revulsion has now become a valid form of attraction.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, then you're drivin' me wild.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: I had 'em done for the big Peterman bash I'm throwin'.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: (George enters) Oh, why you havin' a party?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: I drive my people hard, and then I reward them.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Like with dogs.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Exactly.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Party?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Food?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Uh huh.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Bar?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: George?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: He's gonna show up anyway.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: George, I just don't want you interfering.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: How could I possibly interfere?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Isn't that what Jack Ruby said?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% At Elaine's party...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: (Eating) Oh yeah. These are fantastic, fantastic. (To server)
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You know,</p>
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<p>I'd love to get a jump on the next batch, where do you come out?
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(Server leaves)</p>
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<p>(To Anna) She's been ignoring this section all night. Quesadilla?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: No thanks.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: My name is George.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna : Anna. I don't recall seeing you around the office. Do you
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work in the mail</p>
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<p>room?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: No, I'm a friend of Elaine Benes.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: Oh. Excuse me. (She leaves)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: So...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Man: How 'bout leading us in a toast?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh sure. Hey guys, I wanna make a toast. Um... Here's to
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us who wish us</p>
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<p>well, and those who don't can go to hell... All right, who's dancin'?
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C'mon, who's</p>
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<p>dancin'? You want me to get it started? I'll get it started. Whew!
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(She dances)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Sweet Fancy Moses!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Jerry's apartment, Kramer enters</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: You get the tickets?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Who wants two? Special sneak preview of Death Blow.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Death Blow: When someone tries to blow you up, not because
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of who you are,</p>
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<p>but for different reasons altogether. (Jerry buzzes up George)
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Jerry, do you think</p>
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<p>you can get an extra ticket for my friend Brody?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Kramer, do you know what I had to go through to get these?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, I know, but he's a big fan of the genre. You know
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I'd consider it a</p>
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<p>personal favor to me.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Kramer is eating ice cream right out of the container.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah I guess I do owe you.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Uh, listen, do you want me to stay here until George gets
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up?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I'm okay.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: There's no problem, really.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm fine. (George enters, Kramer exits) How was the party?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Food was good.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: So I didn't miss anything?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Well, actually you did miss one nugget of entertainment.
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(Pause) Have you</p>
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<p>ever seen Elaine dance?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Elaine danced?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: It was more like a full bodied dry heave set to music.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Did she do the little kicks and the thumbs?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: What, you mean you know about this?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: For some time. It was about five years ago. I never knew
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what to say to her</p>
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<p>about it. It was one of those problems I hoped would just go away.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Well, sometimes you can't help these people 'til they hit
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rock bottom.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: And by then you've lost interest.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Hey, you gotta take a ride with me later. I borrowed my
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father's car. '68</p>
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<p>GTO.</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: What made him get that thing?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: During that period when my folks were separated he went
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a little crazy.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Not a very long trip. (Enter Kramer)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Brody's in.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't even have the extra ticket yet.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, you better get on the horn.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Elaine's office, Elaine on the phone</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: I'm tellin' you Jerry I'm gettin' a vibe. If I didn't know
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better, I'd say</p>
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<p>the staff completely lost respect for me. (Staff mocks her dancing
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in the</p>
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<p>background)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: How could that be?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Jerry, it's like the feeling is palpable. You think it
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could have something</p>
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<p>to do with the party?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, George was there, he said he had a great time.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, it's George. I bet you this is somehow George related.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, what are you talkin' about?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: He's like a virus. He attaches himself to a healthy host
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company, and the</p>
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<p>next thing you know, the entire staff's infected.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Now you're talkin' crazy!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: All right, Jerry, if that's not what it is, you tell me.
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What is it?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: (Makes sound) Oh there's my call waiting, I gotta get goin'.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Elaine's office, Anna enters</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: You have a minute to approve some copy?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh yeah, sure, sure. So, did ya have a good time at the
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party last night?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: It was a real... kick.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey, did you happen to speak to my friend George?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: As a matter of fact I did.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Ah hah. Well, listen. You would be wise to keep your distance
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from him.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: Why? He seems harmless.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh he's not. He's very harmful.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: Really?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh trust me. He's a bad seed. He's a horrible seed. He's
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one of the worst</p>
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<p>seeds I've ever seen.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Anna: And you two are friends?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, we're good friends.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Coffee shop...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: So this Anna called me from out of the blue.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Really? I thought you were rebuffed.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: With extreme prejudice.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Maybe Elaine put in a good word for you.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: No, no. That's just the thing. Anna told me that Elaine
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said I was one of</p>
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<p>the worst seeds she'd ever seen.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Interesting. She doesn't care for you, then a stern warning,
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suddenly a</p>
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<p>phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs
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the bad boy.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Yes, yes...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: The bad fianc‚, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit
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risk...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Okay, the point is made.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen... (looks at
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table as George</p>
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<p>exits) The bad tipper!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% At the movies...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Half of show business is here.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: There's Brody. Brody! Over here.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Brody: Hey Kramer. And you must be Jerry. Thanks for the ticket.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: That's quite a feed bag you're workin' on there.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Brody: It's for all of us. Is there a problem?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Brody, c'mon. He's just kidding. He's a joke maker. Tell
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him, Jerry.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm a joke maker.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: All right, here we go, Death Blow. (Brody takes out video
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camera)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: (To Kramer) Hey, hey, what the hell is he doing?</p>
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<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Relax, he does that all the time.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Does what?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: He's making a copy of the movie for sale on the street,
|
|
huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: May I see you outside for a moment please?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: But I want to--</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Outside!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine's office</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey, have you seen Anna?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Worker: Uh, she just went to meet your friend George.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: To meet George? I knew it. Where did they go?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Worker: The park, why?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Don't you see? George is in the bloodstream! You stay away
|
|
from him, too!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Outside the theater at the movies.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What do you mean he's bootlegging the movie?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, it's a perfectly legitimate business.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's not legitimate.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It's a business.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Where did you meet this guy?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: He's a friend of a friend. You know Corky Ramarez up on
|
|
94th Street? One day he and I are playing Pinochle--</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer. (boom sound)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Man, we're missin' the Death Blow!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't believe this. (They run into theater)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Anna and George in the park.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: You know I'm not supposed to be talking to you.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: No one's putting a gun to your head. Do I, uh, scare you?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: No... a little. Nice car.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, she's a sweet ride.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: Is that your orthopedic back pillow?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Maybe.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: Well is it or isn't it?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Guess not.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine arrives.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (To George) Stay away from her.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>George: I didn't do nothin'.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (To Anna) Get in the car.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: But...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You heard me young lady, get in the car. (To George) And
|
|
you, you should know better. I don't want you infecting my staff.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Lighten up.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% As they leave George points and winks at Anna.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Death Blow...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Go get 'em, Death Blow! (To Brody) You okay?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Uh, I got a cramp.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, it's no wonder. You ate that entire bag of candy.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Uh, there it goes again. Kramer, you gotta drive me home.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, what is going on over there?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Jerry, finish shooting the movie for me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Are you nuts? There's no way I'm holding that thing.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry, if the man is in pain...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah well, maybe if he didn't lick his fingers before he
|
|
reached in the bag we would've eaten some. Serves him right.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: (pulls out a gun) What are you some kind of tough guy?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Okay. Let's everybody just relax. Jerry, take the camera.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, I'm takin' the camera.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To Brody) C'mon, let's go.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh man...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry's apartment, Kramer enters.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey man, so how was the rest of Death Blow?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How was the rest of Death Blow?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, who got the final Death Blow, 'cause I thought that
|
|
Hawaiian guy had it comin' to him!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer, you make me get a ticket for this friend of yours
|
|
and then the guy forces me to bootleg the movie at gun point!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: He's quite a character, isn't he?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know, he came by here at 3 o'clock in the morning to
|
|
pick up the tape. I was scared out of my mind!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Buzzer</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I got it. Yep.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Brody.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Come on up. It's Brody.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What are you, crazy? I don't want to see this guy again.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry, you did him a favor. He probably wants to come up
|
|
and thank you.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What if I didn't do it right?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It's your first time. He'll understand.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns.
|
|
Too many</p>
|
|
<p>misunderstandings.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Brody enters</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, Brody!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Jerry, I have to talk to you about the tape.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: I've never seen such beautiful work. You're a genius. The
|
|
zoom-ins, the</p>
|
|
<p>framing. I was enchanted.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, I did the best I could.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: I got another project for you. It's a movie called Cry Cry
|
|
Again. I was gonna give it to one of my other guys, but it's an
|
|
arty movie and quite frankly, they don't have the sensibility.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Brody's beeper sounds</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: May I use your phone?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Uh yeah. It's under the couch.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Brody exits to Kramer's apartment.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Look at you! You've got another gig!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't want another gig! I'm not doin' this.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: But you have a gift. Jerry, this is not your little comedy
|
|
act. We're</p>
|
|
<p>talkin' feature films.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: We're talkin' federal crime here.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Brody enters.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: (To Jerry) I'll expect that tape by three o'clock tomorrow.
|
|
(To Kramer) May I borrow this? (Holding baseball bat) </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Sure, do you need a glove?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Nah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% A meeting at Elaine's office</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Worker: I pressed through the rushes and there, the native dancers
|
|
whirled before me: limbs flailing, arms akimbo, feet kicking up
|
|
dust... (All workers laugh)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Anna enters with Yankee jacket on.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: Sorry, I got hung up.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: At Yankee Stadium?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: This? It's mine.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh really? 'Cause it looks a little big for you. It looks
|
|
like something a short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man might wear.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: He's not stocky.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine turns around. A paper airplane is thrown at her.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Who did that? Who did that?!?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Cry, Cry Again, Kramer is bootlegging.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (laughing) The French guy fell off the bike. Oh man, that's
|
|
precious. (eats popcorn)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry's apartment watching the tape.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! What were you thinking when
|
|
you shot this?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: That's fine.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Do you even know what this scene is about?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It's about a guy buying a loaf of bread.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, bread is his soul. He's trying to buy back a loaf of
|
|
his soul.</p>
|
|
<p>(Gesturing taking a loaf of bread.)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Wha? Where?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer there is no way you're giving this tape to Brody
|
|
and telling him I shot it.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Nah, he's not going to know the difference.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't care about Brody. I was up on 96th Street today,
|
|
there was a kid couldn't have been more than ten years old. He was
|
|
asking a street vendor if he had any other bootlegs as good as Death
|
|
Blow. That's who I care about. The little kid who needs bootlegs,
|
|
because his parent or guardian won't let him see the excessive violence
|
|
and strong sexual content you and I take for granted.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: So you'll do the movie? (Jerry watches the movie Kramer
|
|
shot)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I have to. But I'm gonna need to storyboard this whole thing.
|
|
Where are my magic markers?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Right here. (Elaine enters)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, I have lost complete control of my staff. Why did
|
|
I let George go to that party? I mean, we were having so much fun.
|
|
We were wining, we were dining, we were dancing. (She starts dancing,
|
|
Kramer flips out) What?</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (He shows her) This umpf thing.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's dancing.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No, no. That ain't dancing, Sally.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I dance fine.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You stink. (He exits)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: He doesn't know what he's talkin' about. (Jerry fake laughs)
|
|
Jer? Jerry, I'm a good dancer, right?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I forgot to make my bed. (He tries to get away)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry, do I stink?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, you're beyond stink.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: But I really enjoy dancing.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: And that's not helpin' either. That's why you're havin'
|
|
trouble with your staff, not because of George.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's that bad?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Have you ever seen yourself? (She starts dancing) Ah, ah,
|
|
please, please. Not in my home. I gotta go throw this stuff in the
|
|
laundry. I'll be right back.</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine sees video camera)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine and Anna sitting in Elaine's office.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Voice: I have George Costanza still holding.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: George, hi. I have Anna here. There's something I wanna
|
|
say to both of you.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yo, Anna.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: Hi, George. What're you up to?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: (Ironing) You don't wanna know.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Uh, well, listen. I feel really horrible about trying to
|
|
keep you two apart and I just wanted to apologize.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: What're you talkin' about?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, George, I just want you to hear me say to Anna that
|
|
you're a good and decent person.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Pick up the phone, Elaine. Pick it up!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I never should have given Anna the impression--</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Pick it up, pick it up!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: --that you're a bad seed, I mean, you're a fine seed.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Elaine, get off the speaker! (Elaine picks up phone)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: You are ruinin' everything.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I'm trying to help. Why are you being so difficult?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. More of that, difficult.
|
|
I'm a</p>
|
|
<p>difficult seed.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: George, I don't have time for this. Uh, Anna, do you wanna
|
|
talk to George?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Anna: Um, no, I don't think so.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, she doesn't want to. Okay, bye, George. We'll see ya.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm a bad man!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and Kramer exit the theater and see Brody.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: So where's the tape?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I didn't shoot this one. I'm just scouting the location.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: I need the tape.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You'll get your tape. But here's what I'm gonna need. I'm
|
|
gonna need three cameras, two on the floor, one in the balcony.
|
|
And I want headsets for the guys runnin' 'em. I wanna be able to
|
|
talk to 'em.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Are you out of your mind?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I know, Jerry. It's okay. (Jerry steps aside) Yeah, look,
|
|
Brody. Uh,</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry wants to do the bootleg. He's dyin' to do it. But if you
|
|
don't make him</p>
|
|
<p>happy, the work suffers. And then, nobody's happy.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: Just shoot the damn thing so I can get it out on the street!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right. That's it, I can't work like this.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm off the project. (He exits)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: I want the tape.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and George at Monk's.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, I'm the good boy again. Can you believe that?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: They think they can get anyone to shoot these bootlegs.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Anna actually has respect for me now. It's all over.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Eh, the whole business has changed. It's all about money
|
|
now. The sad thing</p>
|
|
<p>is it's the kids that suffer. (Kramer enters)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Listen, man. You gotta shoot this movie for me. Brody,
|
|
he's a reasonable man, but he's insane!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer, I'm not doin' this anymore. I don't know what I
|
|
was thinking. It's illegal, it's dangerous...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Did you say dangerous?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Anna and George in George's car.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm a bootlegger.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Anna: You're a what?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>George: I'm bootleggin' a movie, baby!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Anna: Isn't that illegal?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>George: I can do hard time for this one. And community service!</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Anna: Is this your FiberCon?</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>George: (Takes it and throws it out window) Get outta my way!</p>
|
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Jerry's apartment, Kramer enters.</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Kramer: Jerry, George got arrested.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah. He went at the Beekman, he tried to land, but they
|
|
cheesed him.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh now I see. (Buzzer) Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Brody: Brody, I'm comin' up.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Jerry: What're we gonna do?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Kramer: Well, I gotta give him something. Come on, where's that
|
|
tape I shot?</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Jerry: I think that's it. (They play it and see Elaine dancing)
|
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Sweet fancy Moses!</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry, she taped over the whole ending! (Brody enters)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Brody: Where's the tape?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Jerry: Uh, well. It, uh...</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Brody: Is that it?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Kramer: Uh, yeah, yeah. Here it is, Brody. One copy of Cry Cry
|
|
Again.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Brody: How'd it turn out?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer + Jerry: Uh... great.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Although the whole story kinda comes apart at the end there.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, out of nowhere there's this lone dancer who appears
|
|
to be injured.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, it's a disturbing image.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, so you cry... and when you see the dancer, you cry
|
|
again.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>% Police station, Anna and George sitting down.</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Anna: (George is crying) It's all right, George. You'll just pay
|
|
a fine and</p>
|
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<p>that'll be it.</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>George: Why did the policeman have to yell at me like that? (Elaine
|
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enters)</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Elaine: Anna...</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Anna: Oh, Elaine, thanks for picking me up. I can explain everything.</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Elaine: All right. Well, we'll talk about it tomorrow at the office.
|
|
(Mr. Costanza</p>
|
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<p>enters)</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Frank: Okay, where's my boy?</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>George: Oh my God.</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Frank: I'm sitting at home, reading a periodical, and this is the
|
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call I get? My son is a bootlegger? (He hits George in the head)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Ow! Dad...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Who put you up to this, was it her?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You got that right.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: What the hell does that mean?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You sayin' you want a piece of me?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You wanna piece of me? You got it! (They begin to fight)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and Elaine walking down the street.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: But he's an old man, Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, he wrote the check, and I cashed it.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Seeing a street vendor) Hey, it's the bootlegged Death
|
|
Blow that I shot.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, Cry Cry Again, I wanna see that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No you don't.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Man: You shot Death Blow?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Man: That was brilliant.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Thank you. (They continue walking)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You were big.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm still big. It's the bootlegs that got small. So how
|
|
are things at the</p>
|
|
<p>office? Back to normal?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, pretty much. Although I still get the vibe every
|
|
once in a while.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I wouldn't worry about it. (People on sidewalk behind them
|
|
are doing her dance as they go)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>End.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p><Spellchecked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
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