945 lines
46 KiB
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945 lines
46 KiB
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<h1>The Marine Biologist</h1>
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Episode #78 </p>
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<p>Originally Aired: Wednesday, February 10, 1994, 9:30</p>
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<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
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<p>Production Credits:</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ................. Larry Charles</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ................. Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>Executive Producer ................... Andrew Sherman</p>
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<p>Created By ........................... Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Teleplay By .......................... Larry Charles</p>
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<p>Story By ............................. Bruce Kirschbaum</p>
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<p>Directed By .......................... Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>George Costanza ...................... Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes ......................... Julia Louis-Drefus</p>
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<p>Kramer ............................... Michael Richards</p>
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<p>With:</p>
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<p>Newman ............................... Wayne Knight</p>
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<p>Corinne ............................... Carol Kane</p>
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<p>Lippman ............................... Richard Fancy</p>
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<p>Testikov ............................... George Murdock</p>
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<p>Diane ............................... Rosalind Allen</p>
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<p>Also:</p>
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<p>Hotel Clerk ............................... Daivid Blackwood</p>
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<p>Woman at beach ............................... Heather Morgan</p>
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<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
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<p>(Open Jerry's apartment, Jerry is at the table and Elaine is on
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the phone)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: (to the phone)Well did he bring it up in the meeting?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Jerry picks up a yellow shirt and walks to Elaine)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Elaine, see this T-shirts, six years I've had this T-shirts,
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it's my </p>
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<p>best one, I call him...Golden Boy</p>
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<p>Elaine: I'm on the phone here.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Golden Boy is always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry,
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here</p>
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<p>touch Golden Boy!</p>
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<p>Elaine: No thanks. (to the phone)Yeah, Yeah I'll hold.</p>
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<p>Jerry: But see look at the collar, see it's fraying. Golden Boy
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is slowly </p>
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<p>dying. Each wash is brings him one step closer, that's what makes </p>
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<p>the T-shirts such a tragic figure.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Why don't you just let Golden Boy soak in the sink with
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some </p>
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<p>Woolight?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No!!! The reason he's iron man is because he goes out there
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and plays</p>
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<p>every game. Wash!!! Spin!!! Rinse!!! Spin!!! You take that away </p>
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<p>from him, you break his spirit!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Elaine is suddenly excited)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: (to the phone)Yeah. Oh! What? He is! Oh! this is so fantastic!
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I'm</p>
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<p>so excited! Yes I'm excited, OK I'll be in soon! OK, OK, I'm</p>
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<p>coming, yeah, yeah I'm coming, I'm coming! (Elaine jumps up and </p>
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<p>dances around) Yuri Testikov, the Russian writer!</p>
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<p>Jerry: The guy in the gulag!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah! Pendant's publishing his new book, and I'm working
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on it! </p>
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<p>Lippman and I are going to the airport to pick him up Thursday
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in a </p>
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<p>limousine!</p>
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<p>Jerry: You wanna barrow Golden Boy!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh! Don't you know what this means, it's like working with
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Tolstoy!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey ya know what I read the most unbelievable thing about
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Tolstoy the</p>
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<p>other day, did you know the original title for "War and Peace"
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was</p>
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<p>"War--What Is It Good For?"!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Ha ha.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, no.. I'm not kidding Elaine it's true, his mistress
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didn't like </p>
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<p>the title and insisted him change it to "War and Peace"!</p>
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<p>Elaine: But it's a line from that song!</p>
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<p>Jerry: That's were they got it from!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Really?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm not joking!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(George enters with a handful of mail)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: You can't handle the truth!(he salutes)</p>
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<p>Jerry: What?</p>
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<p>George: I'm working on my Jack Nicholson, You can't handle the
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truth!(he </p>
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<p>solutes)</p>
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<p>Elaine: What, is this your mail? (She takes the mail and starts
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flipping</p>
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<p>through)</p>
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<p>George: Yeah, I grabbed it on my way, I don't want my mother reading
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it.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh! Your Alumni Magazine.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Your mother reads your mail?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What do you mean like post-cards?</p>
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<p>George: No, anything.</p>
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<p>Jerry: She doesn't open?</p>
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<p>George: She'll open!</p>
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<p>Jerry: You've caught your mother opening envelopes!</p>
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<p>George: Yeah.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What did she say?</p>
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<p>George: I was curious! </p>
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<p>Jerry: Isn't that against the law?</p>
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<p>George: Maybe I can get her locked up.</p>
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<p>Elaine: (She looks closer at the mag.) Hey Jerry, you're in the
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Alumni </p>
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<p>magazine! Listen to this: Jerry Seinfled has appeared on "David</p>
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<p>Letterman" and the "Tonight Show" and he did a pilot
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for NBC called</p>
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<p>"Jerry"...that was not picked up. Georgie, why isn't
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there anything</p>
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<p>about you in here?</p>
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<p>Jerry: He can't handle the truth!</p>
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<p>Elaine: All right.. this is too fun I gotta get back to work.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Elaine leaves and in the hall she meets up with Kramer, he is
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holding a set</p>
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<p>of golf clubs)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Ah, maybe you could use this (he searches through his jacket)
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Ah,</p>
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<p>here, ah, it's an electronic organizer, ah, here it is.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Elaine Gasps)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah you know, for phone numbers, addresses, keep appointments, </p>
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<p>everything</p>
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<p>Elaine: Wow!</p>
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<p>Kramer: It's got an alarm that beeps!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh! I can't believe this, Kramer! I've been wanting to
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get one of </p>
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<p>these things! Are you sure...(Kramer drops a piece of paper and </p>
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<p>bends over to pick it up and drops balls everywhere) Are you sure
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you</p>
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<p>can't use one of these things??</p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh no. I got all my appointments up here. (he points to
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his head)</p>
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<p>Elaine: Where'd you get this?</p>
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<p>Kramer: The bank, I opened a new account.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Back inside Jerry's apartment)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Did you see that whale thing on TV last night?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No.</p>
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<p>George: I'm such a Huge whale fan. These marine biologists were
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showing how </p>
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<p>they communicate with each other with these squeaks and squeals,
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what</p>
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<p>a fish!</p>
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<p>Jerry: It's a mammal.</p>
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<p>George: Whatever. (George looks to the table) Hey new tape recorder?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, got it from the bank.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Kramer enters without his golf bag)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: (over excited) Hey</p>
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<p>George: Hey</p>
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<p>Kramer: (still over excited) Who wants to have some fun!</p>
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<p>Jerry: I do.</p>
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<p>George: I do.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (once again, over excited) Are you just sayin' you want
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to have fun </p>
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<p>or do you really want to have fun?!</p>
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<p>Jerry: I really wanna have some fun.</p>
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<p>George: I'm just sayin' I wanna have some fun.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Right now there six-hundred Titleists that I got at the
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driving </p>
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<p>range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive out to Rock-a-Way </p>
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<p>and hit them-----------(very over excited) into the ocean! Now </p>
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<p>picture this....we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we
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take </p>
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<p>out our drivers, we tea up and (he makes a golf stroke), that ball </p>
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<p>goes sailing up into the sky holds there for a moment and then.......</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>..... gulp! </p>
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<p>George: Come on. Ya wanna go get some lunch?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, let me just stop by the cash machine and I'll meet
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you at the </p>
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<p>coffee shop.</p>
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<p>George: Yeah, I'm gonna go get a paper.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Kramer gets ready to make another swing)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Keep your head down.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(At the automatic teller machine Jerry is getting his money and
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there is a</p>
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<p>woman beside him)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Cash advance...yes (he looks over) no (he looks over again)balance </p>
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<p>inquiry...no (he looks again) receipt....no (he looks again)</p>
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<p>processing...processing...processing.(He opens the box and gets
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his</p>
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<p>money and then looks at the woman and says)I won!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Jerry starts to walk away)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Diane: Jerry?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah</p>
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<p>Diane: Diane, Diane DeConn, from college. I've seen you on TV you're
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doin'</p>
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<p>great.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah pluggin' along.</p>
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<p>Diane: I got the Alumni magazine. Ya know what ever happened to
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your friend </p>
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<p>George? I never see him in there. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Well he's kind of modest.</p>
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<p>Diane: He was always such a goof-off. I mean did he ever get anywhere?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Sure.</p>
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<p>Diane: Yeah? What field?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Marine biology.</p>
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<p>Diane: George is a marine biologist?! </p>
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<p>Jerry: A pretty damn good one, too!</p>
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<p>Diane: I can't believe it I mean I would never had thought..</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah...he specializing in whales. He's working on lowering
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the </p>
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<p>cholesterol level in whales...all that blubber-- quite unhealthy. </p>
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<p>You know its the largest mammal on earth but as George says "they </p>
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<p>don't have to be."</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(In the coffee shop Jerry and George are sitting)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Diane DeConn? You saw Diane DeConn!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Something huh?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah! How'd she look.</p>
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<p>Jerry: She looked great. She asked about you.</p>
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<p>George: She did! What did she say?</p>
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<p>Jerry: "How's George?"</p>
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<p>George: George! She said George? She remembered my name. Diane
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DeConn </p>
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<p>remembered my name. She was the "it" girl!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah she asked for your number, I think she's gonna get
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in touch with</p>
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<p>you.</p>
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<p>George: OK, I'm tellin' you right now if your kiddin' around I'm
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not gonna </p>
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<p>be able to be friends with you anymore. I'm serious about that.
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You</p>
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<p>got that.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I got no problem with that.</p>
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<p>George: Good. Cause if this is a lie, if this is a joke, if this
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is your </p>
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<p>idea of some cute little game...we're finished!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Expect a call.</p>
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<p>George: Oh my god he's not kidding.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Now I should tell you at this point she's under the impression
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the </p>
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<p>you are a..... </p>
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<p>George: A what?</p>
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<p>Jerry: A marine biologist.</p>
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<p>George: A marine biologist....why am I a marine biologist?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I may have mentioned it.</p>
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<p>George: But I'm not a marine biologist!</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm aware of that.</p>
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<p>George: So?</p>
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<p>Jerry: You don't think it's a good job.</p>
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<p>George: I didn't think it was a job. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh. It's a fascinating field!</p>
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<p>George: What if she calls. What will I say?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(In George's parent's house...George is sitting in a chair. He
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is talking to</p>
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<p>Diane on the phone)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Algae, obviously plankton, I don't know what else I can
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tell you, Oh</p>
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<p>I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands, I was living </p>
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<p>with the turtles.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(In the limo Elaine, Lippman, and Testikov are talkin')</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Lippman: We have got you in a very nice hotel, I don't know how
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you like to</p>
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<p>work but I can arrange for an office if you want.</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: I will work in hotel...much better. I will work away
|
|
from all the</p>
|
|
<p>penny bickering and interference.</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: You know Tolstoy use to write in the village square. The
|
|
faces </p>
|
|
<p>inspired him.</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: He didn't need any inspiration....God spoke through his
|
|
pen.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: That is so true! Although one wonders if "War and
|
|
Peace" would has </p>
|
|
<p>been as highly acclaimed as it was if it was published under it's </p>
|
|
<p>original name "War---What Is It Good For?"</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes. Mr. Lippman. It was his mistress who insisted he called
|
|
it </p>
|
|
<p>"War and Peace." "War--What Is It Good For."(sang)
|
|
Absolutely </p>
|
|
<p>nothin'! (spoken to Testikov)that's the song that they got from </p>
|
|
<p>Tolstoy.</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: I'm sorry, it's just her sense of humor.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine's organizer starts beeping)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: What is that noise!</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: What is that?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's coming from my purse. It must be my new organizer,
|
|
here.</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: Elaine...here!</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: Turn it off.</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: It's the top one!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I'm trying!</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: HERE!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(He throws it out the window of the limo)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(On the beach Kramer is getting ready to hit a ball. He swings
|
|
and misses. </p>
|
|
<p>He looks for it in the air and the notes that it is still on the </p>
|
|
<p>ground. Then he goes nuts)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I did it for you.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, but what did you have to tell her that for. You put
|
|
me in a </p>
|
|
<p>very difficult position, Marine Biologist! I'm very uncomfortable </p>
|
|
<p>with this whole thing. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know with all do respect I would think it's right up
|
|
your alley.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well it's not up my alley! It's one thing if I make it
|
|
up. I know </p>
|
|
<p>what I'm doin, I know my alleys! You got me in the Galapagos Islands</p>
|
|
<p>livin' with the turtles, I don't know where the hell I am.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well you came in the other day with all that whale stuff,
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>squeaking and the squealing.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Why couldn't you have made me an architect? You know I
|
|
always</p>
|
|
<p>wanted to pretend that I was an architect. Well I'm supposed to
|
|
see</p>
|
|
<p>her tomorrow, I'm gonna tell her what's goin on. Maybe she likes </p>
|
|
<p>me for me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer bangs into the room with his golf clubs)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey ya want these (He throws down the golf clubs) I don't
|
|
want em!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I stink! I can't play! The ball is just sitting there,
|
|
Jerry, and</p>
|
|
<p>I can't hit it! I only hit one really good ball that went way out!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well what happened?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I have no concentration!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer starts to scratch his body and rip his coat off)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What, what, what's wrong with you?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Sand, I can get rid of the sand. (Looking down his shirt)
|
|
Look there</p>
|
|
<p>is still some in here, it won't go away! Look I even got sand in
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>pockets!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(He empties his pocket and tons of sand falls out)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey you're getting it all over the floor!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Karma falls over as the phone rings)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (to the phone)Hello....yeah....yes it is....really....oh.
|
|
Can you </p>
|
|
<p>hold on a second? (to George and Kramer) Hey listen to this, some</p>
|
|
<p>woman found an electronic organizer, my name was in it, she wants
|
|
me</p>
|
|
<p>to help track down the owner.</p>
|
|
<p>George: How'd she find it?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It hit her in the head!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Woman on the phone and Jerry are sitting in the coffee shop)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Corinne: So I am walkin' along, minding my own business when all
|
|
off the </p>
|
|
<p>sudden this thing come flying out off no were and cunks me right
|
|
on </p>
|
|
<p>the head. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ya.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: Yeah, So they took me to the hospital and they put me
|
|
in this thing</p>
|
|
<p>that fells like a coffin for forty-five minutes. Have you ever
|
|
been</p>
|
|
<p>in one of those things? You could go berserk in there!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well you have insurance...</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: I wish!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Unbelievable!</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Organizer beeps)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What is with this thing.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: I don't know, it never shuts up. So anyway, you can see
|
|
why I </p>
|
|
<p>would be interested in finding this person.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Absolutely. You should not have to pay for that. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Organizer beeps again)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: (shouting at the top of her lungs)Stop it! Stop it! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Let me have a look at this thing.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: Yeah know somebody told me they thought they saw it coming
|
|
out of </p>
|
|
<p>a limousine.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Typical rich people, using the world for their personal
|
|
garbage can.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: Boy am I lucky your name came up. I just pushed a button.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I would like to know what my name is doin in this creep's
|
|
organizer </p>
|
|
<p>to begin with.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: Ya.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Who do I even know that would have been in a limousine yesterday </p>
|
|
<p>anyway. OHHHH!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(In the hallway Elaine knocks on Kramer's door, he answers)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey, "great" organizer that you gave me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer is still itching cause the sand)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, you like it huh.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It wouldn't stop beeping in the car so Testikov through
|
|
it out the</p>
|
|
<p>window.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I transferred everything in there. I threw out my old book.
|
|
I'm</p>
|
|
<p>lost now, Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(He goes crazy again)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What, what is it?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: The sand, it's everywhere!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: OK I'll see you later.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer closes the door and Jerry walks up to his door)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, there you are!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: There you are!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So what do you have to say for yourself?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So what do you have to say for yourself?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry unlocks the door and they both walk in and close the door)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why should I have anything for say for myself?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: "War-- What is it go for?"!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ha Ha, who told you?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ha ha ha. Yuri Testikov, the Russian writer!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You told Testikov that Tolstoy wanted to name his book "War--
|
|
What </p>
|
|
<p>Is IT Good For?"?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ya know what happened?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Can I take a guess?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Please.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh I don't know, he threw your organizer out the window?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine pushes Jerry)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What, how did you know that?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Because I know who has it. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What, how did you find it?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Because the woman who got hit in the head with it found
|
|
my name in </p>
|
|
<p>it, called me up, and we met!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well where is it, give it to me!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't have it!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why not.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Because she's not returning it until she gets the money
|
|
back for the</p>
|
|
<p>hospital bill.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: But I didn't do Testikov did it, he should have to pay
|
|
for it!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How much is Testikov getting from Pendman for this book?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: One million.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well that's a start.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(George and Diane are walking on the beach)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Then of course with evolution the octopus lost the nostrils
|
|
and took</p>
|
|
<p>on the more familiar look that we know today. But if you look </p>
|
|
<p>really closely you can still see a bump where the nose use to be.</p>
|
|
<p>Diane: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, but enough about fish I can talk about other things
|
|
like... </p>
|
|
<p>architecture...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(At the hotel that Testikov is staying at)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know what room Testikov's in?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ya, 308. I'm crazy for doing this!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, you want to get your organizer back don't you?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why are you so interested, you want to take her out?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know when Super Man saves someone no one asks if he's
|
|
trying to</p>
|
|
<p>hit on her! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well you're not Super Man.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well you're not Louis Lane.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh. Listen, you have the tape-recorder.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ya, are you sure you want to do this.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ya I got to get Testikov on tape. If this woman ends up
|
|
in the </p>
|
|
<p>"New England Journal Of Medicine" I'm not going to pay
|
|
for it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ah, here she comes. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Corinne enters through the hotel door)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi, Elaine, this is Corinne.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hi, you got the organizer?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(The organizer starts to beep as Corinne opens her coat to show
|
|
the organizer in her inside coat pocket)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right lets go. We'll meet you back here in ten minutes
|
|
hopefully</p>
|
|
<p>with the money.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(At the beach George and Diane are still walking)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Diane: Your parents must be so proud of you, George.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, they're busting!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(there is a large crowd of men and women) </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Diane: What are those people doing over there?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(In Testikov's hotel room there is a knock and he goes to answer
|
|
it. He </p>
|
|
<p>opens it up and it is Jerry and Elaine)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: (In a loud and cranky voice) What, What is it! Oh! Come
|
|
in. That</p>
|
|
<p>is if you can spare a minute from your busy schedule! And you bring</p>
|
|
<p>guest for my entertainment?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Um, yes this is my friend Jerry. He accompanied me, ya
|
|
know, single</p>
|
|
<p>woman alone in a big city could be dangerous.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yes. That's why I where these sneakers, in case of any trouble
|
|
and </p>
|
|
<p>zip, I'm gone.</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: Yeah, Yeah. The sneakers. The Americans and their sneakers. </p>
|
|
<p>Always running from something. Well, sit stop running, two minutes </p>
|
|
<p>and I'll give you the latest manuscript!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(They both sit down and Jerry picks out a very large book from
|
|
the coffee</p>
|
|
<p>table)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh! Ramscy<?>, great great book if I my say so sir.
|
|
I almost read the</p>
|
|
<p>whole thing.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Corinne is standing in the hotel lobby smoking while the organizer
|
|
is still </p>
|
|
<p>beeping)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: What!</p>
|
|
<p>Hotel Clerk: If you can't thing off I'm going to have to ask you
|
|
to leave.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: I'm waitin for two people!</p>
|
|
<p>Hotel Clerk: Well you can wait for them outside.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: Yeah I guess I'd better. Wouldn't want to take any attention
|
|
away </p>
|
|
<p>from the hookers!</p>
|
|
<p>Hotel Clerk: All right, All right. Out, Out.</p>
|
|
<p>Corinne: What ever you say Cro..w-well!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(On the beach George and Diane are standing with the crowd)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Diane: What's going on over here?</p>
|
|
<p>Woman at beach: There is a beached whale, she's dying.</p>
|
|
<p>Voice: Is anyone here a marine biologist?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(In Testikov's room)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: Here is the latest draft. I see you next week. Same time,
|
|
same </p>
|
|
<p>place. On time please.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It was nice meeting you, real pleasure!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, by the way Mr. Testikov do you remember the other day
|
|
when we </p>
|
|
<p>were in the limo and my organizer started beeping and you threw
|
|
it</p>
|
|
<p>out the window?</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: How could I forget?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well would you believe that it hit actually somebody in
|
|
the head.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Right in the head!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Boing!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(The tape-recorder in Elaine's purse starts to squeak)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: (Shouting)What is that noise!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Um ,nothing.</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: What is the noise!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(He grabs the purse)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey that's my purse!</p>
|
|
<p>(He pulls out the recorder)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: A recorder!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No that's a radio..</p>
|
|
<p>Testikov: You were spying on me!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No I wasn't.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(He throws the recorder out of the hotel window)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Corinne is standing outside of the hotel and looks up to see the </p>
|
|
<p>tape-recorder falling to hit her in the head)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer is standing at his window knocking his boot on the windowsill
|
|
trying</p>
|
|
<p>to get the sand out but he drops it)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Newman is walking down the street whistling but he stops and looks
|
|
up and he</p>
|
|
<p>yells as the boat hits him in the head)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(At the beach everyone is yelling at George)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Crowd: Come on! Save the whale! Hurry up it's gonna die!</p>
|
|
<p>Diane: Save the whale George... for me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(He turns and throws his hat down. He walks into the ocean)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(At the coffee shop Jerry and Kramer are awaiting the story)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you
|
|
boys, I </p>
|
|
<p>was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the </p>
|
|
<p>breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine </p>
|
|
<p>intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you
|
|
Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>at that moment I was a marine biologist!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine enters and sits down)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: George I was just reading this thing in the papers, it's
|
|
amazing!</p>
|
|
<p>George: I know I was just telling them the story.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Come on George, finish the story.</p>
|
|
<p>George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man
|
|
trying to </p>
|
|
<p>return soup at a deli!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry gives Kramer a "what the h-" glance)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great
|
|
beast</p>
|
|
<p>appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was
|
|
a </p>
|
|
<p>foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, </p>
|
|
<p>"Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling
|
|
I realized</p>
|
|
<p>something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing</p>
|
|
<p>I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Mammal.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Whatever. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, what did you do next?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted, tossed
|
|
like a cork and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down
|
|
on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one eh.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well the crowd most have gone wild!</p>
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<p>George: Oh yes they did Jerry they were all over me. It was like
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Rocky 1. </p>
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<p>Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me, and kissed me. We </p>
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<p>both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so </p>
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<p>beautiful. It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was not
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a</p>
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<p>marine biologist!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Wow! What'd she say?</p>
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<p>George: She told me to "Go to hell!" and I took the bus
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home.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right lets go.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Are you in a bad mood?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I just got my laundry back.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Ohhh! GoldenBoy?</p>
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<p>Jerry: He didn't make it. </p>
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<p>Elaine: I'm sorry.</p>
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<p>Jerry: This is GoldenBoy's son, BabyBlue.</p>
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<p>Kramer: What's with you?</p>
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<p>George: Sand. It's everywhere</p>
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<p>(End)</p>
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<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><Spellchecked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
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</div>
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<div id="navBar">
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<div id="upperBox">
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript"
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</ul>
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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}
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<p ></p>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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}
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</script>
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</div>
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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function noSpam(user,domain) {
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locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
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}
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-->
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<div class="footer">
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<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
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</div>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var _gaq = _gaq || [];
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_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
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_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
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(function() {
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var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
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var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
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