759 lines
40 KiB
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759 lines
40 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Muffin Tops</h1>
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Episode 155</p>
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<p>Transcribed by: Matt Dittloff</p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh!)</p>
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<p>George Castanza Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Drefus</p>
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<p>Kramer Michael Richards</p>
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<p>Guest Stars: </p>
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<p>Mary Anne Rena Sofer </p>
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<p>Alex Melinda Clarke </p>
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<p>Jiffy Dump Guy Chaim Jeraffi </p>
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<p>Rebecca Sonya Eddy </p>
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<p>Bag Guy Barry Kramer </p>
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<p>Book Fan Elayn Taylor </p>
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<p>Girl Paige Moss </p>
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<p>Old Woman Viola Kates Simpson </p>
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<p>Rider Jack Riley </p>
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<p>Rider Bunny Summers </p>
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<p>Rider Earl Carroll </p>
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<p>Rider Norman Brenner </p>
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<p>Foreign Guy Reuven Bar </p>
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<p>Passerby Vince Donvito </p>
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<p>Passerby Chris Burmester </p>
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<p>Man Deck McKenzie </p>
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<p>Bartender Victoria Fischer </p>
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<p>Guy Keith Sellon-Wright </p>
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<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>Jerry and George walking down the street.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hang on just let me pick up a paper.</p>
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<p>Man: Excuse me. Would you mind watching my bag for a minute?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah. No problem.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Let's go.</p>
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<p>George: Woah, I gotta watch this guy's bag.</p>
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<p>Jerry: For how long?</p>
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<p>George: I'm sure he'll be back in a second.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Come on.</p>
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<p>George: Excuse me sir. Would you mind watching my bag for a minute?</p>
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<p>Man 2: Why? So I can stand here like an idiot not knowing if you'll
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ever come back?</p>
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<p>Jerry starts to leave.</p>
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<p>George: Where are you going?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm going to be this guy's friend.</p>
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<p>(Commercial)</p>
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<p>Jerry and George at Monk's.</p>
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<p>Jerry: New clothes?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah. I did some shopping. Some new clothes shopping. (turns
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to a man) Can I borrow your menu?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Strange. For new pants, there's noticable wear on the buttocks
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of those chinos. Wait those are the clothes from the bag!</p>
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<p>George: The guy never came back.</p>
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<p>Jerry: He asked you to watch them not wear them.</p>
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<p>George: I'm still watching them.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You look like a tourist.</p>
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<p>George: All right, let me ask you something: When do you start
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to worry about ear hair?</p>
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<p>Jerry: When you hear like a soft russeling.</p>
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<p>George: It's like puberty that never stops. Ear puberty, nose puberty,
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knuckle puberty, you gotta be vigilent. Let me ask you this: Do
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you know where Walker Street is downtown? I've got a league meeting
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there.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh right, the new job, how is it?</p>
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<p>George: I love it. New office, new salary. I'm the new Wilhelm.</p>
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<p>Jerry: So who's the new you?</p>
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<p>George: They got a new intern from Francis Louis High. His name
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is Keith. He comes in Mondays after school.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh hi Alex.</p>
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<p>Alex: I'm sorry I'm late. Have you ordered yet?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No.</p>
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<p>Alex: I'll be right back.</p>
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<p>George: Where are you meeting these women? When they get off the
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bus at the port authority?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Right here, George. In here. (pointing to his chest) Try
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opening this up. You'll find the biggest dating scene in the world.</p>
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<p>George: Thanks. Thanks a lot.</p>
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<p>Kramer in Jerry's apartment. Kramer searches in Jerry's couch for
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something and picks it up. Elaine enters. Kramer hurriedly puts
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the cushions back on the couch. (What was he looking for anyway?
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Anything specific?)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hi.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Where's Jerry?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well he's in the shower. You want me to get him?</p>
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<p>Elaine: No. No no. Actually I kind of need to speak to you.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well let's sit down.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Kramer, ahem, remember that whole deal with you selling
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Peterman your stories for his book and then he gave them back to
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you?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Vaguely.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well I was kind of, hehehe, short on material and I, um,
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I put them in the book anyway.</p>
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<p>Kramer: You put my life's stories in his autobiography?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Kramer listen, it is such a stupid book. It doesn't matter.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh no. Sure. It matters. Wow. I've broken through, huh.
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I'm part of popular culture now. Listen I've got to thank Mr. Peterman.</p>
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<p>Elaine: He's doing a book signing at Waldenbooks this afternoon.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Waldenbooks? That's a major chain huh.</p>
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<p>Kramer enters the bathroom.</p>
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<p>Kramer: He Jerry, I'm going to waldenbooks.</p>
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<p>Jerry: (yelling) Get out! Get out! I don't want to live like this.</p>
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<p>Kramer: All right, let's go.</p>
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<p>At Waldenbooks.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Mr. Lippman, how are you?</p>
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<p>Mr Lippman: Well I'm not bad. Not bad. </p>
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<p>Elaine: What are you doing here?</p>
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<p>Mr Lippman: I work for Pundant Publishishing. This is our book.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh.</p>
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<p>Mr Lippman: If you can call it that. Why is it every half-wit and
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sitcom star has his own book out now?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey buddy. Remember me?</p>
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<p>Mr Peterman: You're that gangly fellow we bought the stories from.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, I'm just here to do my part. What's your name darling?</p>
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<p>Woman: Who are you?</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm the real Peterman.</p>
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<p>Mr Peterman: All right playtime's over.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Relax man. There's enough juice here to keep us all fat
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and giggley.</p>
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<p>Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.</p>
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<p>Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.</p>
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<p>Mr Lippman: So you just eat the tops.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy, it's explosive,
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it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of (makes
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hand motions) does it's own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million
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dollor idea right there. Just sell the tops.</p>
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<p>Two men forcefully pick Kramer up and push him out of the store.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I have a right to be here. These are my fans. Hey you're
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hurting my elbow.</p>
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<p>George is walking down the street looking down at his map. He is
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bumping into people.</p>
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<p>Man 1: Try looking up hayseed.</p>
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<p>Man 2: You wanna sightsee? Get on a bus.</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: Please don't think all New Yorkers are so rude.</p>
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<p>George: Well actually I'm...</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: I'm Mary Anne. I work for the New York Visitor's Center.
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Where are you visiting from?</p>
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<p>George: Little Rock, Arkensas.</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: Ooh.</p>
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<p>Jerry is in his bathroom shaving. He thinks. He tilts the mirror
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down.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hmm. That looks new.</p>
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<p>He thinks some more. He picks up his razor.</p>
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<p>Kramer: So get this. Peterman has his henchmen forcefully eject
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me from the book signing like I'm some kind of a maniac.</p>
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<p>Jerry: (uncomfortably) Yeah that's too bad.</p>
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<p>Kramer: What's the matter with you?</p>
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<p>Jerry: (uncomfortably) Nothing.</p>
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<p>Kramer: No, no, no. Don't give me that. I know you. Something's
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wrong. What is it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I did something stupid.</p>
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<p>Kramer: What did you do?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well I was shaving. And I noticed an asymmetry in my chest
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hair and I was trying to even it out. Next thing I knew, (high pitched
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voice) Gone.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Don't you know you're not supposed to poke around down
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there.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well women do it.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (high pitched voice) "Well women do it." I'll
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tell you what. I'll pick you up a sundress and a parasol and you
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can just (high pitched voice) sashey your pretty little self around
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the town square.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well what am I going to tell Alex?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Listen to me. You don't tell anybody about this. No one.
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You hear me?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Um hum.</p>
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<p>George enters</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey, Jerry shaved his chest.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey!</p>
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<p>Kramer: I forgot. Wait. Never mind. </p>
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<p>Jerry and Alex walking.</p>
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<p>Alex: How about the beach this weekend?</p>
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<p>Jerry: You couldn't pay me enough to go to the beach on a weekend.
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I mean it's hard enough...</p>
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<p>Alex: All right. All right. Wow is that a Mexican Hairless? Oh,
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I love those. Ooh, Hairless. This is where it's at. It's so much
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smoother and cleaner.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Really?</p>
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<p>Elaine walks into a muffin shop.</p>
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<p>Elaine: "Top of the Muffin to you!"?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Mr. Lippman: Top of the muffin to you. Elaine!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Mr Lippman?</p>
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<p>George and Jerry at Jerry's apartment.</p>
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<p>Jerry: So you're pretending to be a tourist?</p>
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<p>George: It's beautiful. She makes all the plans. I'm not from around
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here so it's okay if I'm stupid, and she knows I'm only in town
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visiting so there's no messy breakup</p>
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<p>Jerry: How do you explain your apartment?</p>
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<p>George: I got a hotel room.</p>
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<p>Jerry: you moved into a hotel?</p>
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<p>George: Well I don't know anyone here Jerry. Where else am I going
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to stay?</p>
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<p>Jerry: So get this: we're in the park today Alex goes wild for
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this hairless dog.</p>
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<p>George: So?</p>
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<p>Jerry: So. I figure since she likes one hairless animal why not
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another.</p>
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<p>George: Oh really. You tell her you shaved it?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Are you nuts? I don't want her to think I'm one of those
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low-rise briefs guys who shaves his chest.</p>
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<p>Kramer is in a school bus. He honks his horn. Camera shot down
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on the bus.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (yelling up at Jerry) Hey Jerry.</p>
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<p>Jerry pulls up the blinds on his upstairs window and looks down.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (yelling) I'm starting a Peterman Reality Bus Tour. Check
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it out. Hahaha.</p>
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<p>George: Reality tour?</p>
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<p>Jerry: The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is
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reality.</p>
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<p>Elaine at the muffin shop.</p>
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<p>Elaine: This was my idea you stole my idea.</p>
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<p>Mr. Lippman: Elaine these ideas are all in the air. They're in
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the air.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well if that air is comming out of this face then it is
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my air and my idea.</p>
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<p>Mr. Lippman: You want a muffin or not?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Peach.</p>
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<p>Gerge and Mary Anne at Monks.</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: So I notice you don't have much of an accent.</p>
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<p>George: Yeah my parents have it. Sometimes it skips a generation.</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: Look george, I'm really enjoying spending time with
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you but I'm not sure this is going to work out. At some point you're
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going back to your job at Tyler Chicken and your three-legged dog
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Willie.</p>
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<p>George: Willie. Yeah.</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: And I'm still going to be here.</p>
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<p>George: Well what if I told you I'm thinking of moving here?</p>
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<p>Mary Anne: (laughs) George, no offense. But this city would eat
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you alive.</p>
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<p>(Commercial)</p>
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<p>Jerry: You're moving to New York? That's fantastic. I can see you
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all the time now.</p>
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<p>George: Eat me alive, huh? We'll see who can make it in *this*
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town.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What is it she think you can't do?</p>
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<p>George: Find a job. Get an apartment.</p>
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<p>Jerry: How did you do those things?</p>
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<p>George: Never mind. The're done. All I have to do now is redo them.
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You know if you take everything I've ever done in my entire life
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and condense it down into one day, it looks decent.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, what were you doing with that bus yesterday?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Here you go, here you go, check it out.</p>
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<p>Jerry: "The Real Peterman Reality Bus Tour". I'm confused.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Peterman's book is big business. People want to know the
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stories behind the stories.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Nobody wants to go on a three hour bus tour of a totally
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unknown person's life.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm only charging $37.50, plus you get a pizza bagel and
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desert.</p>
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<p>George: What's desert?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Bite-size Three Musketeers. Just like the real Peterman
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eats.</p>
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<p>George: He eats those?</p>
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<p>Kramer: No. I eat those. I'm the real Peterman.</p>
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<p>George: I think I understand this. Jay Peterman is real. His biography
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is not. Now, you Kramer are real. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Talk to me.</p>
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<p>George: But your life is Peterman's. Now the bus tour, which is
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real, takes to places that, while they are real, they are not real
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in sense that they did not *really* happen to the *real* Peterman
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which is you.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Understand?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah. $37.50 for a Three Musketeers.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine and Mr. Lippman at Monk's.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: Elaine. I'm in over my head. Nobody likes my muffin
|
|
tops.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So? What do you want me to do about it?</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: You're the muffin top expert, tell me what I'm doing
|
|
wrong.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Mr. Lippman, when I worked for you at Pendent Publishing,
|
|
I believed in you, you know as a man of integrity. But, I saw you
|
|
in that paper hat and that aprin...</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: What if I cut you in for 30% of the profits?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Deal. Here's your problem. You're making just the muffin
|
|
tops. You've gotta make the *whole* muffin. Then you... Pop the
|
|
top, toss the stump. Taste.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: Ah. (takes a bite of the top.) Mmmmm. Ah hah?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: So what do we with the bottoms?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I don't know, give em to a soup kitchen.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: That's a good idea.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: And one more thing, you really think we need the exclamation
|
|
point? Because, it's not "Top of the Muffin *TO YOU!!!*"</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: No. No. It is.</p>
|
|
<p>At Jerry's apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey Jerry. What is this? Lady Gillette? What's going on?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What? Can't I get a moment's peace?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What are you doing to yourself?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry walks into camera view with his chest covered with shaving
|
|
cream.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I can't stop. Alex thinks I'm naturally hairless. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You can't keep this up. Don't you know what's going to
|
|
happen? Everytime you shave it, it's going to come in thicker and
|
|
fuller and darker.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh that's an old wives tale.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Is it? Look at this.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer walks off-screen and opens his shirt. On-screen, Jerry reels
|
|
from the sight.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (high pitched voice) Look at it! Look at it! And it's all
|
|
me. I shaved there when I was a lifeguard.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh come on. That's genetics. That's not going to happen
|
|
to me.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Won't it? Or is it already starting to happen?</p>
|
|
<p>Elain at the muffin shop.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Wow. Look at this. We're cleaning up.</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman Oh, Rubin, get me another tray of lowfat cranberry.</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: Excuse me, I'm Rebecca Demore from the homeless shelter.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, hi.</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: Are you the ones leaveing the muffing pieces behind our
|
|
shelter?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You been enjoying them?</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: They're just stumps.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well they're perfectly edible.</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: Oh, so you just assume that the homeless will eat them,
|
|
they'll eat anything? </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: No no, we just thought...</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: I know what you thought. They don't have homes, they don't
|
|
have jobs, what do they need the top of a muffin for? They're lucky
|
|
to get the stumps.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: If the homeless don't like them the homeless don't have
|
|
to eat them.</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: The homeless don't like them.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Fine.</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: We've never gotten so many complaints. Every two minutes,
|
|
"Where is the top of this muffin? Who ate the rest of this?"
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: We were just trying to help.</p>
|
|
<p>Rebecca: Why don't you just drop off some chicken skins and lobster
|
|
shells.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I think I might.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne and George at George's "new" apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: I can't believe you found something so quickly. How
|
|
much you pay?</p>
|
|
<p>George: $2300.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: Ouch. A month?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: Well, guess that's all right for now, but if you say
|
|
here for more than a few months, you're a real sucker.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, well I uh got lots of other stuff to show you too.
|
|
Wait till you see the plum job that I landed.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: Yeah. We should let this place air out anyway. It smells
|
|
like the last tenant had monkeys or something.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne exits. George sniffs his armpit.</p>
|
|
<p>On Kramer's bus.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Comming up on the right, if you glance up you can just
|
|
make out my bedroom window. It's the one that's covered in chicken
|
|
wire.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Hey if you're the real Peterman, who come you're wearing
|
|
those ratty clothes? The're not very romantic.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (over the speaker) Well that's your opinion.</p>
|
|
<p>Man 1: Can I have another Three Musketeers? They're rather small.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Forget it. Okay Newman's postal route is around here somewhere.</p>
|
|
<p>Man 2: Who's Newman?</p>
|
|
<p>Man 3: Who cares.</p>
|
|
<p>Man 4: Hey fake Peterman, let me off. I'm nautious.</p>
|
|
<p>Man 1: Can I have his candy bar?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Ahh. Everyone just settle down. We have three hours left
|
|
on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at
|
|
the same time.</p>
|
|
<p>Okay. Lomez's place of worship is right on the right here.</p>
|
|
<p>At Jerry's apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why do I have to go on the tour?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry you're a minor celebrity. If you go on this thing,
|
|
it could create a minor stir. Bring that girlfriend of your and
|
|
I'll only charge to 60 bucks.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine enters</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, how's business?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ooh, I've got stump troubles. The Sanitation Department
|
|
won't get rid of them all, I can't get a truck to haul this stuff
|
|
until next week. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a mountain of stumps.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right, I've got to hose the puke off the floor of the
|
|
bus.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute, bus? You've got a bus?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You got any room on that thing?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah there are a few seats still available.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Do you think you could transport some stumps for me? I'll
|
|
make it worth your while.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, if they don't mind sitting in the back.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No they don't.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Kramer: Are they war veterans?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine looks at him confused.</p>
|
|
<p>In George's office.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: Wow this is your office.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: Woah. Hello. Sorry George, didn't know you got
|
|
a girl in here. Give me a signal on the doornob like a necktie or
|
|
a sock or something. Come on George, help me out.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: Mr. Steinbrenner, I would like to thank you for taking
|
|
a chance on a hen supervisor at Tyler Chicken like our boy George
|
|
here.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: Hen supervisor from Tyler Chicken?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes. Very nice to have had her to mention... (starting
|
|
to leave)</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: Wait a minute George.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Be right with you. Look Mr. Steinbrenner.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: Moonlighting for Tyler Chicken. Pretty impressive
|
|
George. Days with the New York Yankees and nights in Arkensas with
|
|
a top flight bird outlet. And a hen supervisor to boot. I am blown.
|
|
Bloooown away. Blown George. (vibration in the "o"'s)
|
|
Bloooooooooooooooooooown.</p>
|
|
<p>On Kramer's bus.</p>
|
|
<p>Alex: You know when you make a pizza bagel, you really shouldn't
|
|
use cinnimon rasin.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You also shouldn't use a donut.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer gets on the bus. He starts the tape player playing banjo
|
|
music.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Peterman
|
|
Reality Tour...</p>
|
|
<p>Tape Player: Turn music off.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Can we just go?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: And go we will.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: What is this, a pizza-pound cake?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: We have a bonus reality stop today. We will be hauling
|
|
muffin stumps to the local repository.</p>
|
|
<p>Man 2: We're going to a garbage dump?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: And we're off.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know I never though he would be able to recreate the
|
|
experience of actually knowing him, but this is pretty close.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner is sitting at his desk on the phone with the manager
|
|
at Tyler chicken who is also sitting at his desk.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: (the back of his head to the camera) John Tyler?
|
|
George Steinbreener here. I want to talk about George Castanza.
|
|
I understand he's been dividing his time between us and you. I cannot
|
|
have that.</p>
|
|
<p>John Tyler: (the back of his head also to the camera) Well I don't
|
|
know who he is but if you want him that bad I'm not giving him up
|
|
that easily.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh is that so. Playing a little hardball huh
|
|
Jonnyboy?</p>
|
|
<p>John Tyler: How about this. You give me Castanza, I convert your
|
|
concessions to all chicken no charge. Instead of hot dogs, chicken
|
|
dogs. Instead of pretzels, chicken twists. Instead of beer, alcoholic
|
|
chicken. </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: How do you make that alcoholic chicken?</p>
|
|
<p>John Tyler: Let if ferment, just like everything else.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner: That stuff sounds great. All right. I'll have
|
|
Costanza on the next bus.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer at a garbage dump carrying a garbage bag.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Hey hey hey hey hey. Where do you think you're going?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I was going to dump this.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: It doesn't look like garbage.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well it's muffin stumps</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Where are the muffin tops?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: This is a garbage dump. Just let me dump it.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Can't do it.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Is this a joke?</p>
|
|
<p>Man: That's what I'd like to know about it.</p>
|
|
<p>Alex: You have a pretty heavy beard, don't you? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's that?</p>
|
|
<p>Alex: Well look it's almost time for you to shave again.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh. Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (gets back on the bus, yelling) Well maybe I will take
|
|
it up with Consumer Affairs.</p>
|
|
<p>Ladies and Gentlemen you're in for an additional treat. We're going
|
|
to extend the tour at no extra charge.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Where are we going?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (looking at a map) I don't know. (over the speaker) Uh,
|
|
no more questions.</p>
|
|
<p>Banjo music plays as they look for garbage dumps.</p>
|
|
<p>Next scene. Kramer argues with someone at a dump.</p>
|
|
<p>Next scene. A man vomits on the floor.</p>
|
|
<p>Next scene. Kramer is driving. He is sleepy. His head nods down
|
|
onto the horn. The horn blows. Startled, Kramer sits back up. </p>
|
|
<p>Banjo music finishes.</p>
|
|
<p>Waitress: So, the New York Yankees traded you for a bunch of Tyler
|
|
chicken.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Dogs, twists, a kind of fermented chicken drink.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Hey, aren't you the guy I asked to watch my clothes?</p>
|
|
<p>George: What clothes?</p>
|
|
<p>Man: These clothes. The ones you're wearing.</p>
|
|
<p>On Kramer's bus.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (in low voice to next to Kramer) Kramer how much longer?
|
|
My chest hair is comming back and it's itching me like crazy. I
|
|
can't let her see me scratch it.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Don't worry. I've got a good feeling about this dump.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm telling you man, I'm losing it.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer gets off the bus, carrying a garbage bag.</p>
|
|
<p>Eerie music is playing. Jerry looks out the bus window at a full
|
|
moon. A dog starts barking.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I can't sit on this bus anymore. I think I'll go play with
|
|
that dog.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I don't know where the tops are. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry runs past Kramer and another person. Eerie music still playing.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry what's the matter?</p>
|
|
<p>In slow motion Jerry runs into the woods. At normal speed he runs
|
|
behind a tree. Camera shot down on him as he starts scratching his
|
|
chest.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (for the first half of the howl, a dog howls along with
|
|
him.) Awoooooo-oooooooo, that feels good.</p>
|
|
<p>(Commercial)</p>
|
|
<p>Bartender: Hey, you looking for George?</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Bartender: He's been in the bathroom awhile. You might want to
|
|
check on him.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (talking on the phone) Jerry you gotta bring me some clothes
|
|
down here. I lost my job with the Yankees. I'm standing in the men's
|
|
room on 43rd street in my underpants.</p>
|
|
<p>Mary Anne: I told you this city would eat you alive.</p>
|
|
<p>At the muffin shop.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: What is this guy again?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: They call him a Cleaner. He makes problems go away.</p>
|
|
<p>Newman enters.</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hello Elaine. Where are they?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: In the back.</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: All right, I'm going to need a clean 8 ounce glass.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman: What is going on here?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: If I'm curt, then I appologize. But as I understand it,
|
|
we have a situation here and time is of the essence.</p>
|
|
<p>Newman goes to the back room with the muffin stumps and sets down
|
|
a cooler and an empty glass. From the cooler he takes out 4 bottles
|
|
of milk and sets them down.</p>
|
|
<p>He bites into a stump, then takes a drink of milk from the glass.
|
|
(continuity error: he never actually poured the glass of milk.)
|
|
He swishes the muffin and the milk together and swollows. He takes
|
|
another stump.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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