760 lines
40 KiB
HTML
760 lines
40 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Opposite</h1>
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* Opening monologue</p>
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<p>Jerry : It is pretty hard to justify, at this point in history,
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the existence of men and their</p>
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<p>handkerchiefs. I mean, they open it up, blow their nose in it,
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and then put it back </p>
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<p>in their pockets with their other valuables. Wallet, keys, mucous,
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yup, I've got </p>
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<p>everything. Is it because men can't give birth that they're just
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proud of anything</p>
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<p>that comes out of us? We actually have a monogram sewn on to them.
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What is the</p>
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<p>source of pride here? We actually have it sticking out of the breast
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pocket of our</p>
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<p>jacket. "I have a snot rag."</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>* We see a sad-looking George staring out at the ocean. Then cut
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to the office of Mr.Lippman, where Elaine and Mr. Lippman are toasting
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in champagne.</p>
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<p>Mr. Lippman : To your promotion.</p>
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<p>Elaine : Oh, thank you! ( They drink ) Oh, thank you, Mr Lippman,
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I can't tell you</p>
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<p>how much I appreciate this. I mean, of course I deserve it.</p>
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<p>Mr Lippman : Well, you're really on your way now.</p>
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<p>* Elaine screams with joy and Mr. Lippman coughs violently.</p>
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<p>Elaine : You really oughtta do something about that cold.</p>
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<p>* Cut to Monk's</p>
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<p>Jerry : You got a raise?</p>
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<p>Elaine : I don't fool around, baby!</p>
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<p>Jerry : I thought you said Pendant was in financial trouble.</p>
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<p>Elaine : They were, but they're being absorbed by Matsushimi, that
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big Japanese conglomerate.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Oh, when did that happen?</p>
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<p>Elaine : They're signing the papers next week.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Does this mean they're gonna be publishing Kramer's coffee
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table book?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah, they'll definitely do it now.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Boy, you're on quite a streak. Job promotion, plus you're
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back with Jake Jarmal.</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah, it's gettin' serious, we're talking about moving
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in together.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Boy, you really got it all, I'm sure Helen "Girlie"
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Brown would be very proud of you.</p>
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<p>* Enter George</p>
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<p>Jerry : Speaking of having it all ... Where were you?</p>
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<p>George : I went to the beach. ( J and E exchange looks )</p>
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<p>Jerry : Oh, the beach.</p>
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<p>George : It's not working, Jerry. It's just not working.</p>
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<p>Jerry : What is it that isn't working?</p>
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<p>George : Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much
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promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically
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speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's
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uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out
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there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life,
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has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it
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to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something
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to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.</p>
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<p>( A waitress comes up to G )</p>
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<p>Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.</p>
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<p>George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on
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toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want
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the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted
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... and a cup of tea.</p>
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<p>Elaine : Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.</p>
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<p>Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon
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is the opposite of tuna, 'cos salmon swim against the current, and
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the tuna swim with it.</p>
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<p>George : Good for the tuna.</p>
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<p>( A blonde looks at George )</p>
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<p>Elaine : Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.</p>
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<p>George : So what? What am I supposed to do?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Go talk to her.</p>
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<p>George : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live
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with their parents, don't approach strange women.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of
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tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going
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right up to them.</p>
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<p>George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.</p>
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<p>Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite
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would have to be right.</p>
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<p>George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do
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nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do
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the opposite, and I will do</p>
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<p>something!</p>
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<p>( He goes over to the woman )</p>
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<p>George : Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking
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in my direction.</p>
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<p>Victoria : Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch
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as me.</p>
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<p>( G takes a deep breath )</p>
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<p>George : My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.</p>
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<p>Victoria : I'm Victoria. Hi.</p>
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<p>* Cut to Jerry's apartment. Jerry is on the phone.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Are you kidding? They can't cancel that show on me now,
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it's too late for me to book anything else for that weekend. Alright,
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alright ... okay, bye.</p>
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<p>( Enter Kramer )</p>
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<p>Kramer : Hey. Buddy, it's all happening!</p>
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<p>Jerry : What's happening?</p>
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<p>Kramer : The coffee table book. It's a go!</p>
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<p>Jerry : Oh yeah, I heard all about it.</p>
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<p>Kramer : You know what this means? I'm starting the book tour.
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First stop : Regis and Kathy Lee.</p>
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<p>Jerry : You're going on Regis and Kathy Lee?</p>
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<p>Kramer : Oh, you better believe it!</p>
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<p>Jerry : I'll loan you my puffy shirt.</p>
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<p>Kramer : No,no,no.</p>
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<p>Jerry : What're you gonna talk about?</p>
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<p>Kramer : Well, coffee tables.</p>
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<p>( The phone rings )</p>
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<p>Jerry : Hello? What? Yeah, sure, I'll do it. I just had something
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cancelled the same weekend. Ok. Great. Bye.</p>
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<p>( Turns to K )</p>
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<p>Jerry : You know, life is amazing. I just lost a job and five minutes
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later get another, same weekend, same money.</p>
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<p>Kramer : You know who you are? Even Steven</p>
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<p>*Cut to G's car; G and Victoria driving</p>
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<p>Victoria : Are you growing a beard?</p>
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<p>George : Why shave every day? It just grows right back.</p>
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<p>Victoria : I guess ...</p>
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<p>George : I'm afraid I'm just not interested in how I present myself.
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If those kind of superficialities are important to you, this probably
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isn't gonna work.</p>
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<p>( A car cuts in in front of them, G has to make a sudden maneuver
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)</p>
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<p>Victoria : Hey watch, he just cut you off! Did you see that?!</p>
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<p>George : Take it easy. Take it easy. It's not the end of the world.</p>
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<p>* Cut to the movie theater; two young men are sitting behind G
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and Victoria</p>
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<p>Man no.1 : Hey baby, how about a little tongue action, huh?</p>
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<p>Man no.2 : Yeah, stick your tongue down his throat!</p>
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<p>( They kick G and Victoria's seats )</p>
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<p>Victoria : What are we gonna do? Shall we just move?</p>
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<p>George : That won't be necessary.</p>
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<p>( G gets up and turns towards the two men )</p>
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<p>George : Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We're trying
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to watch the movie! And if I have to tell you again, we're gonna
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take it outside and I'm gonna show you what it's like! You understand
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me? Now, shut your mouths or I'll</p>
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<p>shut'em for ya, and if you think I'm kidding, just try me. Try
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me. Because I would love it!</p>
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<p>( People applaud as G sits down again )</p>
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<p>* Cut to G's car</p>
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<p>Victoria : Are you sure you don't wanna come up, I mean, it's only
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nine thirty.</p>
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<p>George : I don't think we should. We really don't know each other
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very well.</p>
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<p>Victoria : Who are you, George Costanza?</p>
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<p>George : I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.</p>
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<p>* Cut to movie theater. Elaine is waiting for someone</p>
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<p>Theater Manager : Excuse me, is your name Elaine?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yes.</p>
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<p>Theater Manager : Were you suposed to meet a Jake Jarmal here?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah.</p>
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<p>Theater Manager : Well, I'm afraid he's been in an accident.</p>
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<p>Elaine : An accident? What happened?</p>
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<p>Theater Manager : He got side-swiped by a cab, but he's alright.
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He's in St.Vincent</p>
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<p>Hospital, room 907. </p>
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<p>Elaine : Oh. Ok. Thank you.</p>
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<p>( She starts to leave, but changes her mind and goes back to the
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counter )</p>
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<p>Elaine : Could I have a box of Jujyfruit?</p>
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<p>* Cut to hospital</p>
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<p>Jake : So, then, you know, the light was clearly green, I started
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walking, he skidded and he went right into my hip.</p>
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<p>Elaine : ( With her mouth full of Jujyfruit ) Oh, that is so terrible.
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That is so terrible, Jake. I mean, how can people be so stupid?
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Just sickening.</p>
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<p>( Jake looks at E eating )</p>
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<p>Elaine : You want one?</p>
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<p>Jake : No thanks.</p>
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<p>Elaine : So when do you think you're gonna get outta here?</p>
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<p>Jake : Where did you get those?</p>
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<p>Elaine : At the movies.</p>
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<p>Jake : Didn't the theater manager give you the message before you
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went in?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah, he did.</p>
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<p>Jake : Then when did you get those?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Elaine : Right after ... that ...</p>
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<p>Jake : So you heard that I was in a car accident , and then decided
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to stop off for some Jujyfruit?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Well... the counter...was right there, and...</p>
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<p>Jake : I would think, under the circumstances, it would have sent
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you running out the building. Apparently, it didn't have any effect
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on you.</p>
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<p>Elaine : No, no, it does!</p>
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<p>Jake : If you got into a car accident, I can guarantee you I wouldn't
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stop for Jujyfruit!</p>
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<p>Elaine : But...Jake...</p>
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<p>Jake : I would like to be alone now, please.</p>
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<p>Elaine : But, Jake, I didn't...</p>
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<p>Jake : Goodnight!</p>
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<p>* Elaine is forced to leave. We cut to Jerry's apartment. He's
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having a poker night.</p>
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<p>Man no.1 : Ah, whaddya say we call it a night?</p>
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<p>Man no.2 : Good idea, I'm kinda tired.</p>
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<p>Man no.3 : How'd you do?</p>
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<p>Man no.4 : Won 50.</p>
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<p>Man no.2 : Lost 72.</p>
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<p>Man no.1 : Won 37.</p>
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<p>Man no.3 : Lost 15.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Broke even.</p>
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<p>* Cut to "Regis and Kathy Lee"</p>
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<p>Regis : Can I bring out our next guest now?</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : Please, please.</p>
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<p>Regis : Young guy, he's got a new book coming out, and it's about,
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and this is the best part -</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : I love this.</p>
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<p>Regis : It's a coffee table book about coffee tables!</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : Yeah. Is that clever? I think that is so clever!</p>
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<p>Regis : I think so too. Did you get to meet him back stage?</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : I did.</p>
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<p>Regis : I mean, he looks like a fun guy, doesn't he?</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : I love his hair.</p>
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<p>Regis : Yeah, oh, I do too. This guy could be a little bonkos.
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Really. Anyway, if you will, would you please welcome: Kramer!</p>
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<p>( K comes in, kisses Kathy Lee )</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : I don't know, maybe it's the hair or something!</p>
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<p>Regis : Kramer. So, a coffee table book about coffee tables. Where
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did you come up with this idea?</p>
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<p>Kramer : Yeah, well, ah, I'll tell you, Regis... actually, this
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is a true story. I was skiing at the time.</p>
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<p>Regis : You know, when I'm skiing, Kramer, I'm trying not to kill
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myself, and you're writing books!</p>
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<p>Kramer : Yeah, well, now you kids don't go out and try that. You
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stay in school!</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : Have you always had an interest in coffee tables, because,
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really, I love coffee tables, and I thought I was the only one.</p>
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<p>Kramer : You see the beauty of my book is, if you don't have a
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coffee table, it turns into a coffee table.</p>
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<p>( Demonstrates with his book )</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : Is that fabulous?</p>
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<p>Regis : Look at this!</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : Is that fabulous?</p>
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<p>Regis : Fabulous!</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : I want one of these.</p>
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<p>Regis : Did I tell you this guy was bonkos?</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : This coffee table (book) is full of pictures of celebrities'
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coffee tables.</p>
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<p>Kramer : That's true. That's right.</p>
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<p>Regis : Yeah? Well, I'm not in there. Where's mine?</p>
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<p>Kramer : Oh, it's on file, right here. ( points to his head )</p>
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<p>Regis : I'm tellin' ya, this guy's bonkos! He really is!</p>
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<p>Kathy Lee : But he's adorable.</p>
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<p>( Kramer takes a sip of coffee, then spits it out all over Kathy
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Lee's dress )</p>
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<p>Regis : We'll be right back.</p>
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<p>* Cut to Jerry's apartment</p>
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<p>Jerry : So it's all over?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Yeah, it got pretty nasty.</p>
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<p>Jerry : And what did you go back for? Jujyfruit?</p>
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<p>Elaine : It's not like I went across the street. I bought the Jujyfruit
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and I got in a cab.</p>
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<p>Jerry : Why didn't you eat it in the cab?</p>
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<p>Elaine : Because I got popcorn too, and I ate that first.</p>
|
|
<p>( E points to the table )</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : What's all this?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Played cards last night.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Oh yeah? How'd you do?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Broke even.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : You always break even.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Yeah, I know; like yesterday I lost a job, and then I got
|
|
another one, and then I missed a TV show, and later on they re-ran
|
|
it. And then today I missed a train, went outside and caught a bus.
|
|
It never fails! I always even out!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Do you have twenty bucks?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : What for?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Just gimme twenty bucks.</p>
|
|
<p>( E takes the money and throws it out the window )</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : What the hell was that?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Let's see if you get the twenty bucks back.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : You know you could've thrown a pencil out the window and
|
|
seen if that came back.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : You know, things were going so good for me, you know,
|
|
I got the job</p>
|
|
<p>promotion, we were talking about moving in together -</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Well, maybe next time someone's in a car accident you won't
|
|
stop off for candy first.</p>
|
|
<p>( George comes in )</p>
|
|
<p>George : Hey, I just found twenty dollars! I tell you this, something
|
|
is happening in my life. I did this opposite thing last night. Up
|
|
was down, black was white, good was -</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Bad.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Day was -</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Night.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Yes!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : So you just did the opposite of everything?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Yes. And listen to this, listen to this; her uncle works
|
|
for the Yankees and he's gonna get me a job interview. A front office
|
|
kind of thing. Assistant to the travelling secretary. A job with
|
|
the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since
|
|
I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring
|
|
every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had.
|
|
This is no longer just some crazy notion. Jerry, this is my religion.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : So I guess your Messiah would be the Anti-Christ.</p>
|
|
<p>( George rushes out, J+E follow him. J puts his hand in his pocket
|
|
)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Elaine ... look! A twenty!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Oh my God.</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to Mr.Lippman's office </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Hey boss.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : Kramer. Come in.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : How're you doin' there, big guy? ( Puts his arm around
|
|
the tobacco store Indian )</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : Have a seat.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : What, have you got yourself a cold?</p>
|
|
<p>( Mr. L sneezes, K jumps in his chair )</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Wow, that's quite a honk! Get yourself some vitamin C
|
|
with rose hips and bioflavenoids.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : The reason I asked you in here, is I caught your
|
|
appearance on "Regis and Kathy Lee" the other day and
|
|
-</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : It was pretty good, huh?</p>
|
|
<p>( New sneeze, K jumps again )</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : Anyway, the thinking here is that it would be best
|
|
if you didn't do any more of these shows.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Because of the coffee thing?</p>
|
|
<p>Mr.Lippman : Kramer, I'm sorry.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : What about "Sonia Live"? Now you're not cancelling
|
|
"Sonia Live"?</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : It's out -</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : She's a doctor, I got a thing for her.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : Kramer, I -</p>
|
|
<p>( Mr. L sneezes again, K falls out of his chair )</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to Yankee Stadium, and G's job interview</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Cushman : Why don't you tell me about some of your previous
|
|
job experiences?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Alrighty. Ah ... my last job was in publishing ... I got
|
|
fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Cushman : Go on.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Alright, before that, I was in real estate. I quit, because
|
|
the boss wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was it.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Cushman : Do you talk to everybody like this?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Of course.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Cushman : My niece told me you were different.</p>
|
|
<p>George : I am different, yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Cushman : I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of
|
|
every applicant we've seen.</p>
|
|
<p>( Mr. Cushman gets out of his chair )</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Cushman : Ah, Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There's someone here I'd
|
|
like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He's one of the applicants.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Nice to meet you.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with
|
|
all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some
|
|
of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past
|
|
twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a
|
|
good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees
|
|
and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification
|
|
of your massive ego!</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Steinbrenner : Hire this man!</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to Pendant Publishing</p>
|
|
<p>Secretary : Tina Robbins is here to see you. </p>
|
|
<p>Man : Who's that?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Ah, it's my ex-roommate, she moved out four years ago,
|
|
but I've been sub-</p>
|
|
<p>letting my apartment from her.</p>
|
|
<p>Man : Alright, see ya. ( Meets Tina in the door ) Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : Please.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Hi Tina.</p>
|
|
<p>Tina: Hi Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : So, I haven't seen you in a while.</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : Elaine, we have a problem.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Well, what is it?</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : You're getting kicked out.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Kicked out?! Why?!</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : Well, there's been a number of complaints.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Yeah? Like what?</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : Well, like last Thanksgiving you buzzed up a jewel thief.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : I didn't know who he was!</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : That's why there's a buzzer.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : What else?</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : Well, apparently, the week after that, you buzzed up some
|
|
Jehova's Witnesses and they couldn't get them out of the building.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : What else have you got?</p>
|
|
<p>Tina : Well, let's see. ( Takes out a list from her bag )</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to Monk's</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is.
|
|
If you're going out with someone your size, right there you double
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
your wardrobe.</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : I suppose...</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Oh, come on, that's a huge feature. When they approach
|
|
a new recruit, I'm sure that's one of the big selling points.</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : Jerry ...</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Yes?</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : I've been doing a lot of thinking.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Aha?</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : Well, I don't think we should see each other any more.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Oh, that's okay.</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : What?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Nah, that's fine. No problem. I'll meet somebody else.</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : You will?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Sure. See, things always even out for me.</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : Huh?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : It's fine. Anyway, it's been really nice dating you for
|
|
a while. And ... good luck!</p>
|
|
<p>Rachel : Yeah, you too.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>* Jerry leaves. Cut to Jerry's apartment </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : The New York Yankees?!</p>
|
|
<p>George : The New York Yankees!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza?</p>
|
|
<p>George : I'm the assistant to the travelling secretary. I'm going
|
|
on the road trips with them! I'll be on the plane... I'm working
|
|
in Yankee Stadium! This is a dream, I'm busting, Jerry, I'm busting!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : I can't believe it.</p>
|
|
<p>( The door buzzes, J lets E up )</p>
|
|
<p>George : And I' moving out of my parents' house, I'm taking that
|
|
apartment on 86th street, remember the one we saw?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : That's a great place!</p>
|
|
<p>George : I'm back in business, baby!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : George, I wouldn't get too excited about this stuff, you
|
|
know, things have a way of evening out.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Hey! ( to Elaine, who doesn't look too cheerful )</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Hi Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Hi.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : How're things going?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : How're things going? You wanna know how things are going?
|
|
I'll tell you how things are going. I am getting kicked out of my
|
|
apartment!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Why? Why are they doing that?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : I don't know! They have a list of grievances.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : The jewel thief?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Yeah, the jewel thief.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : What else?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : I put Canadian quarters in the washing machine. I gotta
|
|
be out by the end of the month.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Well, you could move in with my parents.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Was that the ... opposite ... of what you were going to
|
|
say, or was that just instinct? ( She squeezes G's mouth between
|
|
her fingers )</p>
|
|
<p>George : Instinct.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Stick ... with the opposite. ( Slaps G on the forehead
|
|
)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Elaine, don't get too down. Everything'll even out, see,
|
|
I have two friends, you were up, he was down. Now he's up, you're
|
|
down. You see how it all evens out for me?</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to Pendant Publishing</p>
|
|
<p>Secretary : Mr. Lippman, the people from Matsushimi are here. </p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Lippman : Alright... tell them I'll be right there. Well, this
|
|
is it, Elaine. You know, without this merger, we'd be out on the
|
|
street. Boy, they sure saved us.</p>
|
|
<p>( Mr Lippman leaves the room, and forgets his handkerchief, which
|
|
he probably needs because of his cold, and Elaine can't tell him,
|
|
'cos she's got her mouth full of Jujyfruit...)</p>
|
|
<p>( Mr Lippman goes to meet the Japansese businessmen, then he sneezes,
|
|
and realizes he doesn't have his handkerchief, but he is forced
|
|
to meet the Japanese, as they have already spotted him and started
|
|
talking to him )</p>
|
|
<p>Interpreter : Mr Lippman, it is with great pride that we undertake
|
|
this partnership with your company.</p>
|
|
<p>( The Japansese "boss" reaches out his hand to shake
|
|
Mr L's )</p>
|
|
<p>Mr Lippman : I ... I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand right now.
|
|
It's germs.</p>
|
|
<p>( This leads to a loud discussion in Japanese, and we sense a rather
|
|
hostile atmosphere )</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to George's parents' house</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Is that the end of it?</p>
|
|
<p>George : Yeah, it's the last one.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle : I can't believe you're moving out. ( Grabs Kramer ) Kramer,
|
|
is this true? Is it really happening? It's ... it's like a dream.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Oh, it's true.</p>
|
|
<p>George : Alright, let's go.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank : Don't get in trouble with the Yankees. You be nice. ( Slaps
|
|
G's forehead )</p>
|
|
<p>George : I'm not gonna be nice. That's how I got the job.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle : Jerry, did you hear this?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : He knows what he's doing.</p>
|
|
<p>( G pulls both his parents to him )</p>
|
|
<p>George : I just want the both of you to know how much you mean
|
|
to me, and I love you both very, very much.</p>
|
|
<p>( K and J look at each other )</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Opposite.</p>
|
|
<p>* Cut to Monk's</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : I must've had at least eight in my mouth. I couldn't talk.
|
|
I couldn't talk!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Why'd you have to eat so many?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Because they're Jujyfruit. I like them. I didn't know
|
|
it would start a chain reaction that would lead to the end of Pendant
|
|
Publishing.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Not to mention the end of Kramer's coffee table book.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Yeah, you knew he had a cold. How'd you expect him to
|
|
blow his nose?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : Do you know what's going on here? Can't you see what's
|
|
happened? I've become George.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Don't say that.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine : It's true. I'm George! I'm George!</p>
|
|
<p>( Enter George, dressed in A Yankees suit )</p>
|
|
<p>George : Greetings, people. Greetings. Greetings and salutations.
|
|
What a beautiful day for a ball game. Let's play two! ( Sits down,
|
|
says to waitress :)</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, I'll have the chicken salad on rye, my usual, you know what
|
|
I get, darlin'. ( Turns to the Gang ) So, let's see, I had a little
|
|
conversation today with Mr Don Mattingly - he's the first base man.
|
|
We talked about his new batting stance, you know, I'm not crazy
|
|
about it, but I said , "Danny, go with it 'till it stops workin'."
|
|
Donny baseball. He's a helluva guy.</p>
|
|
<p>( J and K pay the check )</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer : Wait, wait, wait, that's too much. Mine was more than
|
|
yours.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Ah ... let's call it even.</p>
|
|
<p>* Closing monologue</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry : Coffee's a drink that seems to encourage a lot of accessories
|
|
around it. Coffee cake, coffee table, coffee table book, clutches
|
|
of people. Say what you want about alcohol, but not only are there
|
|
not a lot of optional accessories, alcohol actually helps you get
|
|
rid of things. Family, home, job, driver's license. In fact, at
|
|
a certain point, the only thing you have to remember to get, is
|
|
more alcohol And maybe a rag for your squeegee.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Written down after careful study by Astrid Humstad, #1 Seinfeld
|
|
fan
|
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