767 lines
39 KiB
HTML
767 lines
39 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Pez Dispenser</h1>
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============================================================================</p>
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<p>Episode #314 </p>
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<p>Originally Aired: Wednesday, January 15, 1992, 9:00PM</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Production Credits:</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ................. Larry Charles</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ................. Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>Executive Producer ................... Andrew Sherman</p>
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<p>Created By ........................... Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Written By ........................... Larry David</p>
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<p>Directed By .......................... Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh!)</p>
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<p>George Castanza ...................... Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes ......................... Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Kramer ............................... Michael Richards</p>
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<p>With:</p>
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<p>Noel ................................. Elizabeth Morehead</p>
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<p>John ................................. Fred Sanders</p>
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<p>D'Giff ............................... Bill Applebaum</p>
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<p>Polar Bear ........................... Allen Bloomfield</p>
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<p>Richie ............................... Chris Barnes</p>
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<p>Intervenor ........................... Steve Kehela</p>
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<p>Roberta .............................. Kate Benton</p>
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<p>==============================================================================</p>
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<p>Jerry's Apartment</p>
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<p>George: ...pianist. A *classical* pianist. She *plays* the piano.
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She's a </p>
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<p>*brilliant* woman. I-I-I sat in her living room... She played the
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</p>
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<p>*Waldstein Sonata*! The *Waldstein*!</p>
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<p>George: We did a crossword puzzle together, *in bed*. It was the
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most fun </p>
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<p>I ever had in my entire life. Did you hear me? in my *life*! </p>
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<p>Y'know?</p>
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<p>Jerry enters</p>
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<p>Jerry: Were you talking? I couldn't hear anything.</p>
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<p>George: I was telling you about Noel.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, Noel! Yeah, the one who plays bongos...</p>
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<p>George: [sarcastically] Heh heh heh... So side-splittingly funny...</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right, I'm sorry. What about her?</p>
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<p>George: What, you think I'm going to repeat the whole thing now?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I know, you told me you like her, everything is going good.</p>
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<p>George: No everything is *not* going good. I'm very uncomfortable.
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I have </p>
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<p>no power. I mean, why should she have the upper hand. *Once* in
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</p>
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<p>my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand-- no hand at
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</p>
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<p>all. She has the hand; I have *no* hand...</p>
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<p>George: How do I get the hand?</p>
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<p>Jerry: We all want the hand. Hand is tough to get. You gotta get
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the </p>
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<p>hand right from the opening.</p>
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<p>George: She's playing a recital this week at the McBierney School.
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You wanna hear her play? I got two extra tickets, you and Elaine
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could go...</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, that sounds like somethin'...</p>
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<p>George: Then afterwards maybe we could all go out together. Y'know
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she'll</p>
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<p>see me with my friends, she'll observe me as I really am, as myself.</p>
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<p>Maybe I can get some hand that way.</p>
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<p>Kramer enters </p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey, smell my arm... Smell it!</p>
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<p>George: With all due respect, I don't think so...</p>
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<p>Jerry: That smells good, what is that?</p>
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<p>Kramer: The *beach*!</p>
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<p>Jerry: The *beach*?</p>
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<p>George: What, did you go swimmin'? It's 29 degrees out!</p>
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<p>Kramer: I just joined the Polar Bear Club.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You joined the *Polar Bears*?!</p>
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<p>George: What the Hell is a "Polar Bear"?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, it's these people-- they go swimmin' in the winter.
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They're terrific, I just took my first swim today. Brrrrrrr! It's
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invigorating....</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah... So's shock therapy.</p>
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<p>Jerry: [with glee] What is that, a Pez dispenser?!</p>
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<p>Kramer: Want one? Yeah, I just bought it at the Flea Market.</p>
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<p>George: Hey, what goes on there, exactly?</p>
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<p>Jerry: You don't know?</p>
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<p>George: No, I-I-I know... [retreats back to his Chinese take out]
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I know...</p>
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<p>Jerry: You think they have fleas there, don't you?</p>
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<p>George: *No*...</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yes you do, Biff. You've never been to a Flea Market, and
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you </p>
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<p>think they have fleas there.</p>
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<p>George: All right, I think they have fleas there. So what...</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: I don't know how anyone does this. It must be *so*
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nerve racking... </p>
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<p>How do they warm up their fingers?</p>
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<p>Jerry: They have a piano backstage they warm up on.</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: *No*, we would have heard it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What, do you think they just crack their knuckles and come
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out?</p>
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<p>George: I told her we'd all go out afterwards, okay? And don't
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applaud </p>
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<p>when she stops playing the first time. It's not over yet.</p>
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<p>Jerry: [quickly whispering] I resent that you said that! That's</p>
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<p>directed at *me*, isn't it?!</p>
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<p>A very elegant Noel comes out and sits at her piano. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Is this okay? Can I do this? (he claps)</p>
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<p>% Noel begins. Dramatically. It's enough to make a man reach for
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his </p>
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<p>% candy pooper. Jerry helps himself to a Pez, he stands Tweety
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up on Elaine's</p>
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<p>% purse on her lap. Elaine valiantly tries to hold back her laughter,</p>
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<p>% but it escalates from a giggle to a chortle to a chuckle to laughter</p>
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<p>% to snorting. Noel is visibly shaken and she has difficulty playing
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</p>
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<p>% with this anonymous distraction from one of the unwashed masses.
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Elaine</p>
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<p>% removes herself from the auditorium, all the while snorting and
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gasping </p>
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<p>% for breath, (we're talkin' full-on gales of laughter, here).
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Outside, </p>
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<p>% she runs into an old acquaintance.</p>
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<p>Steve: Something I said? [no response] It's John... Mollika.</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: Oh, oh, *John*... Oh, hi John... Hi...</p>
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<p>Steve: What're you doing down here?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, I was just at this recital and Jerry put a Pez dispenser
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on my leg and I </p>
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<p>started laughing.</p>
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<p>MOLLIKA: Jerry's in there? I heard you guys broke up. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: We did. We're just hanging out. </p>
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<p>MOLLIKA: REally. ... You really look great. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, uh, thank you. Are you still friends with Richie Appel?
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</p>
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<p>MOLLIKA: Oh, Richie, he's been doing comedy in L. A. for a few
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years. He</p>
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<p>just got back a month ago. He's kind of messed up. On drugs.</p>
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<p>I don't know what to do for the guy.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Have you thought about an intervention?</p>
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<p>MOLLIKA: What's that?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You get all his friends in a room, They confront himm to
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try to get</p>
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<p>him into rehab. It's a very popular thing now. </p>
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<p>MOLLIKA: He'd never listen to anyone. ... Except of course Jerry.
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He'd listen to</p>
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<p>Jerry. Jerry would have to be involved. He really respects Jerry.
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</p>
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<p>Cut to Jerry playing with Tweety Bird Pez dispenser.</p>
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<p>Outside Noel's dressing room</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: I'm sorry. George, I'm sorry!</p>
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<p>George: What did you put the Pez dispenser on her leg for in the
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first </p>
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<p>place?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I dunno, it was an impulse.</p>
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<p>George: What kind of a sick impulse does that??</p>
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<p>Jerry: How could I know she would start to laugh?</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I *am*!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Can we just go in already?</p>
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<p>George: What are we gonna tell her?</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: I'll tell her I was the one who laughed.</p>
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<p>George: No, don't say a word. If she thinks my friends are jerks,
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then </p>
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<p>I'm a *jerk*...</p>
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<p>ElainElaine: [To Jerry] Oh, remind me to talk to you about something
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later.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What about?</p>
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<p>George: Hey, hey! We're discussing something!</p>
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<p>Jerry: I know, but I'm distracted now.</p>
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<p>George: What are you? A *baby*!? All right. Tell her.</p>
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<p>E When I was outside I ran into John Mollika. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Really John Mollika, they guy that used to bartend at the
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Comedy Club. How's he doing?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: He's good. </p>
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<p>George: Uh, can we cut to the chase?</p>
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<p>Jerry: "Cut to the chase"?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah...</p>
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<p>Jerry: What're you, "Joe Hollywood"?</p>
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<p>George: A lot of people say it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I would lose that.</p>
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<p>George: [Accusingly] What's *that*?</p>
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<p>Jerry: "Lose that"? That's not a Hollywood expression!</p>
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<p>George: [Realizing full well it isn't] ...Yes it is.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Anyway ... So John told me that Richie is in town from</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Los Angeles and he's really messed up on drugs. So I told </p>
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<p>him that he should do an intervention.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Really, an intervention ...</p>
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<p>George: Y'know people, we got a situation over here!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, but he want's you to be a part of it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Me? Why me?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: 'Cause Richie really respects you and he would listen to
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you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Y'know these things are *really* hard to load...</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right, OK, I'm goin' in.</p>
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<p>JERRY: We've got to talk about this (to Elaine)</p>
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<p>ELAINE: All right.</p>
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<p>[They Enter]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hi, hi, hi, You were wonderful.</p>
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<p>NOEL: No..</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, these are my friends, Elaine and Jerry, ... Noel</p>
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<p>Jerry: You play a *Hell* of a piano.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, I was really moved, *really* moved.</p>
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<p>NOEL: Well didn't you hear that person laughing? I couldn't play.
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I was</p>
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<p>*humiliated...</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, I'm sure it wasn't *at* you.</p>
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<p>Noel: Well then, what was she laughing at?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Pez?</p>
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<p>NOEL: Uh, no, No thank you. Did you see her? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Me, uh, uh, no, ...</p>
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<p>JERRY: Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort
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of lunatic anyway. I mean only a sick twisted mind could be that
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rude and ignorant.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her
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leg.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Even if this so called mental defective did put something
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on her leg she's still the one who laughed.</p>
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<p>NOEL: I'll never forget that laugh for the rest of my life. [exits]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I'm sure she would apologize if she could. Probably somebody
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is holding her back against every fibre in her being.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: If she want's to continue to have a fibre of her being
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she'll be very careful (hitting each other)</p>
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<p>[Noel enters]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right, so are you ready, so we'll go out and get something
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to eat.</p>
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<p>NOEL: I don't feel like it tonight.</p>
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<p>JERRY: We'll be outside</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah</p>
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<p>JERRY: It was nice meeting you By the way, How do you warm up your
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fingers before you play?</p>
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<p>N: I just crack my knuckles.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: We'll have a good time</p>
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<p>N: I don't feel like it</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ah, come on</p>
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<p>N: I said I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Um, all right, um, uh, I'll call 'ya. I'll call you and
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we'll talk on the phone. A telephone communiqu. Every thing is
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fine ok, uh, fine, .. [exits]</p>
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<p>[MONKS]</p>
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<p>JERRY: You know I thing Kramer might have been responsible for
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getting Richie involved with drugs in the first place.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What? How?</p>
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<p>JERRY: A few years ago the comedy club had a softball team. Kramer
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was our first baseman You couldn't get anything by him It was unbelievable.
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</p>
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<p>Anyway this one game we came back to win from like 8 runs behind.
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So Kramer says to Richie why don't you dump the bucket of Gatorade
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on Marty Benson's head? The club owner. So Richie goes ahead and
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does it.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So? What happened? </p>
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<p>JERRY: What happened? The guy was like 67 years old, it was freezing
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out, he caught a cold, got pneumonia, </p>
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<p>and a month later he was dead.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Shut up! </p>
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<p>JERRY: All the comedians were happy. He was one of these club owners
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nobodu liked anyway. But Richie was never the same.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Whar about Kramer?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's the same!</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry on phone at home]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Are you sure you want me John. I have spoken to Richie in
|
|
two years. I don't have a good apartment for </p>
|
|
<p>an intervention. The furniture, it's very non-confrontational.
|
|
All right All right. Goodbye.</p>
|
|
<p>[to Kramer] Remember Ricie Appel?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: (looks shocked) Oh sure, the guy I told to pour the Gatorade
|
|
that killed Marty Benson? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Right, we'll John Mollika is organizing some kind of intervention
|
|
for him. We're having it here. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Can I get in on that?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What do you think? It's like a poker game?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Is Elaine going?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, I knew him as well as she did.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, but John invited her.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: So what are you saying, you don't want me to intervene?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, intervene, go intervene all you want. I am just afraid
|
|
you might be interfering while we're intervening. </p>
|
|
<p>Buzzer </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's George</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Stop smelling your arm.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You know I got a great idea for a cologne. The Beach. You
|
|
spray it on and you smell like you just </p>
|
|
<p>came home from the beach</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hum, a cologne that smells like the beach. I can't believe
|
|
I'm saying this, "That's not a bad idea."</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Tell me about it!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Why don't you call Steve D'Jiff, he works in the marketing
|
|
department at Calvin Klein. </p>
|
|
<p>In fact he's a good friend of John Mollika and Richie also.</p>
|
|
<p>[George enters]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well it's over. It's definitely over. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: She broke up with you?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, but I can tell she's going to. I can sense it. We had
|
|
this terrible phone conversation. </p>
|
|
<p>I was so nervous before I called I made up this whole list of things
|
|
to talk about.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What was on the list?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Let's see, How I'm very good at going in reverse in my
|
|
car, why isn't Postum a more popular drink, </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, Postum is under-ratted, </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Anyway there was all this tension. I asked her if she wanted
|
|
to go out to dinner and she said </p>
|
|
<p>"no, maybe we could get together for lunch." You know
|
|
what that means.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What's wrong with lunch?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Lunch is fine at the beginning then you move on to dinner.
|
|
you don't move back to lunch. It's like being demoted. </p>
|
|
<p>I'll never do another crossword puzzle with her again. I know it.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I like the Jumble You ever do the Jumble?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I have no power Do you understand? I need hand. I have
|
|
no hand.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Break up with her </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You break up with her. You reverse everything that way.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: A preemptive breakup. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got
|
|
nothing to lose. </p>
|
|
<p>We either break up which she would do anyway but at least I go
|
|
out with some </p>
|
|
<p>Dignity. Completely turn the tables. It's absolutely brilliant.</p>
|
|
<p>[MONKS]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So, I am have to going to break up with you.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: You're breaking up with me?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I, ... am breaking up with, ... you.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: Wow.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Shocked?</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I really am. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Never expected this did you?</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I thought everything was fine.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, live and learn.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I don't understand. You're breaking up with me. Didn't we
|
|
have fun doing the crossword puzzles?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Kind of.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I'm very confused.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, I didn't mean to hurt you kid.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I thought,...</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Now, stop it ...</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: What do you want, I can make you happy.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: When you're playing the piano do you think about me?</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I don't know.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: This is what I'm talking about.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: OK, I'll think about you.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All the time.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: All the time? ... OK, All the time.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I can't hear you.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: All the time. ALL THE TIME.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: See, It's not so hard. </p>
|
|
<p>[CALVIN KLEIN]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Go ahead smell, smell</p>
|
|
<p>STEVE: Yeah, so?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Do you recognize it? ... The beach.</p>
|
|
<p>STEVE: What are you talking about?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh, I'm talking about the beach.</p>
|
|
<p>STEVE: What about it?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You know the way you smell when you first come home from
|
|
the beach?</p>
|
|
<p>Well, I want to make a cologne that captures the essence of that
|
|
smell.</p>
|
|
<p>Oh yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>STEVE: That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh, wait, Did you here what I just said?</p>
|
|
<p>STEVE: Do you think people are going to pay $80 a bottle to smell
|
|
like dead</p>
|
|
<p>fish and sea weed? That's why people take showers when the come
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>home from the beach. It's an objectionable offensive odour.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: So you don't think it's a good idea? </p>
|
|
<p>The Intervention [NOTE: I may have confused the names of some of
|
|
the male interveners below]</p>
|
|
<p>To Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>GUY: The membranes get dried and it just starts bleeding. Since
|
|
I was a</p>
|
|
<p>kid so I have to stick tissue up there</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (very uninterested) Uh, you have to work like that? </p>
|
|
<p>GUY: Nobody minds Nobody has ever said anything to me.</p>
|
|
<p>To Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: Are there any ice cubes?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: In the freezer.</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: I looked. There aren't any ice cubes.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well I guess there aren't any ice cubes.</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: I can't drink this. It's warm! (walks away)</p>
|
|
<p>Guy: Shouldn't we rehearse this a little bit before Richie comes?</p>
|
|
<p>Steve: What's the plan?</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>JERRY: Do I have to talk? I don't feel like talking.</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: Well, if he's not going to talk I'm not going to talk
|
|
either.</p>
|
|
<p>GUY: No, we all have to talk.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What's the order?</p>
|
|
<p>GUY: We'll go in alphabetical order. First Roberta.</p>
|
|
<p>ROBERTA: Why am I first? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Albano is your last name.</p>
|
|
<p>ROBERTA: That's not my name any more. I'm divorced.</p>
|
|
<p>Steve: I'll go first.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer enters</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Is this the interference?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Intervention.</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: What are you doing here? </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Uh, is it all right if I stay for the intervention?</p>
|
|
<p>Steve: Hey, this is for close friends only.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'm a friend. Who do you think told him to pour the Gatorade
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>over Marty Benson's head?</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: Let him stay.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, you know I got someone to make up that cologne for
|
|
me, big mouth.</p>
|
|
<p>Steve: Somebody's going to make that crap?</p>
|
|
<p>Some old guys enter</p>
|
|
<p>Old Guy: Kramer!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, come on, these are some of my polar bear buddies.</p>
|
|
<p>OTHER GUY: They can't stay.</p>
|
|
<p>Old Guy: We're having a party here?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, we're having an intervention</p>
|
|
<p>Old Guy: An intervention? Who's intervening?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: There's a friend of ours on drugs and we're going to confront
|
|
him.</p>
|
|
<p>OLD GUY: Sure, we used to do that when one of our polar bears stopped</p>
|
|
<p>coming. We would go to his house and say, "What you don't
|
|
want to be a </p>
|
|
<p>polar bear anymore? It's too cold for you?"</p>
|
|
<p>Buzzer</p>
|
|
<p>GUY: It's him.</p>
|
|
<p>Roberta: What should we do?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hide!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It's NOT a surprise party! Yeah (to intercom)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's George</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, come on up. ... It's not him.</p>
|
|
<p>GUY: If you don't go out with me it's because I'm a bar tender.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Look, I don't think this is appropriate right now.</p>
|
|
<p>GUY: Is it because I have a tissue in my nose?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You're getting warm.</p>
|
|
<p>George and Noel enter (Noel looks awful)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: We just came from Chadway's(?) What's going on.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: We're having the intervention for Richie.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, right, right, the intervention. Should we leave?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, uh..</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: (happily) Elaine, hi.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, hi Noel</p>
|
|
<p>(Noel sits on couch with Elaine with Old Guy between them)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, you're looking well.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Jerry, let me tell you something, "A man without hand
|
|
is not a man." </p>
|
|
<p>I got so much hand I'm coming out of my gloves. I got to thank
|
|
Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p>Steve: Even if I were dragged through manure I still wouldn't put
|
|
that stuff on.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (to Kramer) This man is a genius. Genius!</p>
|
|
<p>Steve: You think so?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't think so I know so, Kramer, come here I got to
|
|
talk to you</p>
|
|
<p>Old Man: The male kangaroo doesn't have a pouch only the female
|
|
has it. The male has pouch envy.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (Chuckles)</p>
|
|
<p>Old GUY; at least give me a pocket.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (laughs)</p>
|
|
<p>Noel turns to Elaine. Jerry raises his eyes to heaven</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: That laugh. That's the laugh. That's it. You're the one.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, no. It was an accident. It really wasn't my fault.
|
|
It was Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry put a Pez dispenser on my leg. </p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: You put a Pez dispenser on her leg during my recital?.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I didn't know she would laugh.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: You lied to me George, you lied to me.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, I, uh, um, wa, wa, What did I do? ... Where are you
|
|
going?</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: I ... am breaking up ... with you! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You can't break up with me. I've got hand.</p>
|
|
<p>NOEL: And you're going to need it.</p>
|
|
<p>Noel exits, George chases her</p>
|
|
<p>Richie and John enter</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey Richie</p>
|
|
<p>RICHIE: So what's going on?</p>
|
|
<p>Later</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was pretty ugly from the get go. he's not listening,
|
|
He's hostile, he's</p>
|
|
<p>talking back.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I can't do these puzzles. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So he starts to get up He spots the Pez dispenser on the
|
|
coffee table </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ah ah Pez dispenser.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: He picks it up - he stares at it - It's like he's hypnotized
|
|
by it. Then he's</p>
|
|
<p>telling us this story about how when he was a kid he was in the
|
|
car with his father, and </p>
|
|
<p>his father was trying to load one of them </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well they're hard to load.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Tell me something I don't know. So as the father's trying
|
|
to load it he loses control</p>
|
|
<p>of the car and it crashes into a high school cafeteria. Nobody's
|
|
hurt but Pez is all</p>
|
|
<p>over the car. And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond
|
|
recognition. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Poor kid.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So as he's telling the story he starts crying. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What did you do?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What do you think? I gave him my Pez dispenser.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Wow</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Two hours later he checks into Smither's clinic. I talked
|
|
to the doctor yesterday.</p>
|
|
<p>He's doing great on the rehab. He's hooked on Pez. He's eating
|
|
them like there's no tomorrow.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What's a three letter word for candy?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I can't do those things.</p>
|
|
<p>END</p>
|
|
<p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
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|
|
|
|
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|
|
|
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<p>Advertisement</p>
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<p>Check out this great site on the history of <a
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