736 lines
39 KiB
HTML
736 lines
39 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Pick</h1>
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</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
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Written by: Larry David and Marc Jaffe</p>
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<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones</p>
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Broadcasted: Dec ember 16, 1992 for the first time.Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jennifer Campbell (as Tia),
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Heidi Swedberg (as Susan), Wayne Knight (as Newman), and Nicholas Hormann
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(as Calvin Klein).
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<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I loved her Jerry, I loved her. </p>
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<p>JERRY: No, you didn't.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: And she loved me. Hoo, ho, she really did.</p>
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<p>JERRY: No she didn't.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What am I going to do now? I can't live without Susan.
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I gotta get her back. How? How, am I gonna get her back?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: [OC] Not only didn't you love her, you didn't even like
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her.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Who says? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: You did.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ah, ...A beautiful successful intelligent woman's in love
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with me and I throw it all away. uh oh boy. Now I'll spend the rest
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of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment
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watching basketball games, eating Chinese take out. Walking around
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with no underwear. Because I'm too lazy to do a laundry.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You walk around with no underwear?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah, what do you do when you run out of laundry?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I do a wash.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Who am I going to meet who is better than her? No one,
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Jerry. No one's better than her.</p>
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<p>JERRY: When you were with her you said you couldn't stand her.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I loved her! </p>
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<p>JERRY: You said goin up the steps of her apartment was like being
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taken to a cell.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I would give anything to be going up those stairs again. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: I gotta call her. Should I call her?</p>
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<p>JERRY: George, I don't know if that is such a good idea?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Whyie?</p>
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<p>JERRY: You need some professional advice. Why don't you go see
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Elaine's friend? She's a therapist. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: I'm not going to see that nut doctor she went to Europe
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with.</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, no no [Elaine enters, flossing teeth] Elaine what's
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the name of that friend of yours ... that's a therapist ... the
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woman.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Dana Folley.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Right, Dana Folley.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: She any good?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, she's terrific. Why? You thinking of going?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Wa, uh, ...</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Tia? Who's that? </p>
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<p>JERRY: She's the model I met on the plane.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: She sent you a Christmas card? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Um uh. And we're going out Saturday night.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: My Darling Susan! My DARLING!!! </p>
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<p>[They ignore George]</p>
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<p>JERRY: What are you doing?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: ... date with Fred.</p>
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<p>JERRY: The religious guy?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: He's not THAT religious.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Let us pray.</p>
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<p>[Kramer Enters]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, you got any Double Crunch?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Kramer, should I call Susan?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta
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listen to the little man.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: My little man doesn't know.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: The little man knows all. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: My little man's an idiot.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: See, she was clever. You know she put her picture on a
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card. I should do that. I never do anything like that. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: You want a picture like that on a Christmas card? I can
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do that for you. ...</p>
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<p>GEORGE: She kept such a nice clean apartment. She was so sanitary. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: No, no, I was just thinking out loud I don't want my picture
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on a card.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No, no, I'll take your picture. I'll take care of everything.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: She made a big breakfast every Sunday. I don't know what
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she put in those eggs. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: All right, ... now, you come on over. I'll have my cereal
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and I'll take your picture.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Really? Can you really take a picture?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, he's good. He takes good pictures. He's got equipment
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over there.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: All right, ha ha </p>
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<p>KRAMER: I don't know about that outfit though. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Why? What's wrong with it?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, we'll have to improvise.</p>
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<p>[Elaine and Kramer exit]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (singing) Oh hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful
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girl who walked out on me. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I need my
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baby ... oh won't you tell her ... I love her. Oh hey, ...</p>
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<p>JERRY: George I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. </p>
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<p></p>
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<p>[Change of Scne Tia at Jerry's]</p>
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<p>JERRY: So, I'm thinking of putting in na tropical fish tank right
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here.</p>
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<p>TIA: Are you sure you're ready for that kind of comitment?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, I figure if it doesn't work out I can always flush
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them down the toilet.</p>
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<p>TIA: That's horrible!</p>
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<p>JERRY: What's that perfume you're wearing?</p>
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<p>TIA: oh I completely forgot I want you to see this. The CALVIN
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KLEIN ad I was telling you about came out today. </p>
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<p>JERRY: What is that smell?</p>
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<p>TIA: It's here somewhere.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It smells like the beach.</p>
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<p>TIA: Exactly. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh my God is that the new perfume? </p>
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<p>TIA: Yeah.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I can't believe this. My next door neighbour had the idea
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for this exact perfume last year. He even met with an executive
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at CALVIN KLEIN. I can't believe they stole his idea.</p>
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<p>TIA: Are you sure?</p>
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<p>JERRY: And you're the model for this perfume?</p>
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<p>[Noise]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Uh, that's him. He just came home. ... Uh, the door [Jerry
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pushes his door against Kramer's entrance]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, how ya' doing? [Trying to enter]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, uh, I'll see you later. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: I just wanted to borrow your Dust Buster.</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right come on in. ... Just wait over HERE! Just wait
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here and I'll get it for you. ... Kramer this is Tia.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hello.</p>
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<p>[Jerry pushes tia back away from Kramer]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: How tall are you?</p>
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<p>TIA: Five ten.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Come on lets see - Back to Back.</p>
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<p>JERRY: NO! Kramer!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: What's the matter with you? I just wanted to see how tall
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she was.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, you're tall - she's tall I'm tall. What's the difference
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who's tall. We're all tall.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: What's that? </p>
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<p>JERRY: What?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: That smell. What's that smell?</p>
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<p>JERRY: [starting the Dust Buster] What smell?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It's very familiar. I can't put my finger on it. It's very
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familiar.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, they're all the same. Here. [gives him Dust Buster]
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Now if you'll excuse us, ..</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, okay, So I'll see you tomorrow uh?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Okay.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Nice meeting you.</p>
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<p>TIA: Nice meeting you too.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'll see you later.</p>
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<p>[Kramer slowly leaves as Jerry shuts door on him]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ooow, that was close.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: [OC] THE BEACH!!!</p>
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<p>[enters]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You smell like the beach. What's the name of that perfume?
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you're wearing.</p>
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<p>TIA: It's Ocean by CALVIN KLEIN.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole
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my idea. Y' see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell
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like you just came from the beach.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I know look at this [shows ad]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Whooo, ... That's you! What is going on here? The gyp(?)
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he laughs at me then he steals my idea. I could have been a millionaire.
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I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. ... They're not
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going to get away with this.</p>
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<p>[End of scene]</p>
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<p></p>
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<p>[Therapist's Office]</p>
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<p>[George enters]</p>
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<p>DANA: Hello. George, come in. Come in I've heard an awful lot about
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you. Please sit down.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well hello. Um, ah, specifically the reason that I'm here,
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uh, I don't know uh what Elaine told you but uh I broke up with
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my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. Actually she broke up with
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me [struggling with his coat zipper] and uh, well, I was the cause
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of it and uh, I just wanted to find out from you ... What's with
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this thing?</p>
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<p>DANA: So uh, she broke up with you? ... </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah, and, ... Why won't this go down? </p>
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<p>DANA: It's all right don't worry about it. So, why did she break
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up with you?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What is with this damn zipper?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>DANA: It doesn't matter. You'll fix it later. Tell me about your
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girlfriend.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: It's stuck on a piece of cloth here. I can't get the cloth
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out.</p>
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<p>DANA: It doesn't matter, so ...</p>
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<p>GEORGE: This is a brand new jacket. Boy this really burns me up,
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...</p>
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<p>DANA: George, George, look at me. Okay, forget about the zipper.
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... What's your girlfriend's name?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: ... Susan.</p>
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<p>DANA: Okay, we're getting somewhere.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: UH, ha ha, ... It's just SO frustrating. It's a brand new
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jacket.</p>
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<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Anyway so Fred and I are going to do some volunteer work
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for that Church on Amsterdam.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, volunteer work!. See that's what I like about the holiday
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season. That's the true spirit of Christmas. People being helped
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by people other than me. That makes me feel good inside. Look at
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what we have here. [mail]. A Christmas card from Laine. You didn't
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have to go to all that trouble.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: It was no trouble. My assistant did the whole thing.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I didn't even see the picture. How did it come out?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, you know. It's a picture?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh yeah. Look at that. Looks good. Kramer did a good job.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, well. How hard is it to take a picture?</p>
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<p>JERRY: ... um ...</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Did you look at look at this picture carefully?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Carefully?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Because I'm not sure and and and correct me if I'm wrong
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but I think I see ... a nipple.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Here. Take a look. What, what is that?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (gasps) Oh my God! That's my nipple. </p>
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<p>JERRY: That's what I thought.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: That's my nipple. My nipple's exposed. I sent this card
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to hundreds of people! My parents. My boss. Uh, Nana and Papa. </p>
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<p>JERRY: DIDN'T YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURE?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh God I didn't notice. Oh, what am I going to do? You
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know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide
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your nipple and then BOOM, suddenly hundreds of people get their
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own personal shot of it. </p>
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<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Have you seen the card? </p>
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<p>KRAMER: What card?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: This car.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. Of course. I took it.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well did you notice anything unusual about it?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well come here and take a look. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, so?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So, what's that?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: That's a nipple.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Right!!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Ooo!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Aw, great!? Didn't you see that? </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Aw, no, no I didn't notice it. no, uh, </p>
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<p>ELAINE: It's because you made me wear that stupid shirt. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, maybe no one noticed it. You didn't notice it. Let
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me go get Newman. We'll see if he sees it.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No. I don't want him looking.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh what's the difference. Everybody else you know has it. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh my God. I sent one to the super in my building. My mailman.
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My ten year old little nephew. Sister Mary Catherine. Father Chelios.
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Oh my God Fred! I sent one to Fred.</p>
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<p>[Jerry enters with Newman]</p>
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<p>NX: Okay. What is it?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Take a look at this card. Tell me if you notice anything
|
|
unusual about it.</p>
|
|
<p>NX: Your nipple's showing.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Okay. Thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>NX: Anything else? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No. </p>
|
|
<p>NX: All right. See you later.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What? So what? It's a nipple. A little round circular protuberance.
|
|
What's the big deal? See everybody's got them. See I got them. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I got them too. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Everybody's got them. </p>
|
|
<p>[Therapist's Office]</p>
|
|
<p>DANA: You see it's kind of got a little piece of cloth that's slipped
|
|
underneath and it's ...</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Pull it up a little bit.</p>
|
|
<p>DANA: Uhg. Well you hold it. Wait, uh, Damn It! I can't move it.
|
|
God, I've never seen a zipper so stubborn. DAMN IT! I almost had
|
|
it. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, okey, wait wait. That will separate. </p>
|
|
<p>DANA: No. Let me try...</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Take it right off the chest...</p>
|
|
<p>DANA: Ugh, ..</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You're gonna rip it. You're gonna rip it.</p>
|
|
<p>DANA: YEAH!! UGH!!! ARG!!! ... I am afraid we're going to have
|
|
to stop.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Okay. Uh, my mother is is going to pay for the sessions.
|
|
... Oh,Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>DANA: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: [stares at card]</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's car - BMW]</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry scratching right side of nose. Tia in a cab sees him, in
|
|
shock. Cab pulls away.] </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, No, No, No, Oh, No.</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry hanging up phone]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well every day for the past four days she hasn't returned
|
|
one call. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Was it a scratch or a pick? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was a scratch. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hey. It's me.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and
|
|
a scratch? </p>
|
|
<p>[Buzzer]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (OC) It's me. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Come on up. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Was there any nostril penetration?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from
|
|
her angle she was in no position to make the call. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So let's say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so
|
|
then what?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment?
|
|
Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander throughh
|
|
the desert for forty years with that dry air. ... You telling me
|
|
you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody
|
|
and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue
|
|
going out with her?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No. That's disgusting! </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine enters]</p>
|
|
<p></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You cannot believe what I'm going through. That card is
|
|
plastered all over the office. Everybody is calling me, Nip! ...
|
|
Yeah. That's my new nickname at the office. Nip! These guys keep
|
|
asking me out for drinks. Not only that, Fred, you know the guy
|
|
I told you about? He hasn't called me in three days. ... [sees card]
|
|
Oh please!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hey. How come I didn't get a Christmas card? Everybody
|
|
else got one. Jerry got one, Kramer got one. I thought we were good
|
|
friends. I don't get a Christmas card. I don't get it. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card? All
|
|
right here. [rubs George's head on her breasts] Here's your Christmas
|
|
card. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Got any Double Crunch?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: yeah. I think I do. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: What's that perfume?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What, Ocean.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: That's mine. That's my smell. Jerry you've got to get that
|
|
model to get me an appointment with CALVIN KLEIN.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I can't She won't return my calls because she caught me
|
|
in a pick at a light.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I thought you said it was a scratch. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: But that's not what she thinks. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Why don't you call her agency. Maybe she's been out of
|
|
town and she didn't get the calls. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All right. I'll call the agency. [Elaine grabs card from
|
|
George] Hello. Yes, I'm trying to get in touch with Tia Van Camp.
|
|
Do you know if she's been in town? She's been in town. Oh really.
|
|
well thank you very much. [hangs up] She has been in town. She's
|
|
at CALVIN KLEIN's right now.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Let's go. </p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It'll be different this time. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: I need someone a little more stable.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm not stable? I'm like a rock. I take these glasses off,
|
|
you can't tell the difference between me and a rock. I put these
|
|
glasses on a rock. You know what jumps into most people's minds?
|
|
Costanza! </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: People don't change.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I change I change. Two weeks ago I tried a soft boiled
|
|
egg. Never liked it before. Now I'm dunkin a piece of toast in there
|
|
and I'm loving it. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: I'm not a soft boiled egg. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: And I am not a piece of toast. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: I just don't think we have anything in common. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: That's okay. That's good. You think Louie Pasteur and his
|
|
wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the
|
|
cows, you know with the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk,
|
|
consummed with milk. Pasteurization, Homogenization, She was in
|
|
the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand. </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Why were there so many cockroaches? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Because. There was a lot of cake lying around the house.
|
|
Just sitting there going with all the excess milk from all the experiments
|
|
[grins] </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: And they got along?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes! Yes. You know. She didn't know about Pasteurization.
|
|
He didn't know anout Fumigation. But they made it work!</p>
|
|
<p></p>
|
|
<p>[Trump Towers]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I want to talk to Calvin.</p>
|
|
<p>SECRETARY: You can't go in there.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Let me talk to Calvin.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters office]</p>
|
|
<p>TIA: Kramer?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, uh.</p>
|
|
<p>CALVIN KLEIN: Who are you?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'm here to talk about the ocean. </p>
|
|
<p>CALVIN KLEIN: Oh, yes kramer. I uh, think I know something about
|
|
this. Will you excuse us Tia? [Tia leaves]</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Now I don't want any trouble Calvin. </p>
|
|
<p>CALVIN KLEIN: Neither do I.</p>
|
|
<p>[Outside office]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hello there you are.</p>
|
|
<p>TIA: What are you doing here?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I had to talk to you - I noticed you haven't been
|
|
returning my calls.</p>
|
|
<p>TIA: Well, I've been busy.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Because I - I thought we had a good time the other night,
|
|
an' the only explanation I can come up with is that you think that
|
|
you caught me (flustered, he</p>
|
|
<p>indicates a nose pick)</p>
|
|
<p>TIA: (Waving him off) I'd rather not talk about this..</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: But I was clearly on the outer edge of the nostril.</p>
|
|
<p>TIA: I know what I saw. (Turns toward the elevators)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: But there - but there was no pick! I - I did not pick! There
|
|
ws no piick!</p>
|
|
<p>TIA: I gotta go. (Quickly walks away from Jerry)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No! No pick!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Calvin Klein's office]</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer, standing, is talking with Klein)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: All right, now here's the scoop, Jockey. I, uh, I came
|
|
in here last January to talk to one of your ffflunkies..</p>
|
|
<p>KLEIN: (Reflecting on Kramer) Interesting face..</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.. And, um, when I told him my idea about the beach
|
|
cologne, you know, he - he laughed at me.</p>
|
|
<p>KLEIN: You're very lithe, aren't you? Very graceful.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>KLEIN: Sit down, eh? (Kramer, misjudging one side of the couch,
|
|
sits down uncomfortably) You're very lean, but muscular..</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You know, I try to take care of myself. I - I watch what
|
|
I eat. Ah, just recently I cut out fructose.</p>
|
|
<p>KLEIN: You're spectacular.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: (Flattered) Oh?</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Elaine's office]</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine's fighting with her boyfriend, Fred, about her Christmas
|
|
card)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I told you, Fred - my friend's next door neighbor took
|
|
it.</p>
|
|
<p>FRED: (Incredulous) Soo - what happened?!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, I-I-I must a missed a button. I forgot to button
|
|
it.</p>
|
|
<p>FRED: I really don't see how you could miss a button like that.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, you've never missed a button?! (Phone rings, she puts
|
|
it on speakerphone) Yeah?..</p>
|
|
<p>RECEPTIONIST: Your sister, Gail.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, God - my nephew. (Picks up the phone and hits the button)
|
|
Hi, Gail!.. Yu.. yu... Yes, Gail, I know how old he is.</p>
|
|
<p>CO-WORKER: (Pokes his head into the doorway) Hey, Nip, ya need
|
|
that manuscript or can I take it home?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, take it! Take it!.. An' stop calling me "Nip"! (Co-worker
|
|
takes it and quickly leaves. Elaine goes back to the phone) It was
|
|
an accident! Well..</p>
|
|
<p>well.. it's gotta be somewhere. Look under his mattress.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Susan's apartment building]</p>
|
|
<p>(George and Susan are slowly making their way up the stars to Susan's
|
|
apartment. He's treating it very much like the long walk to an execution;
|
|
she's mellow and</p>
|
|
<p>happy)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Calvin Klein's office]</p>
|
|
<p>(A couple people are sitting with Klein, and talking. Kramer is
|
|
no where in sight)</p>
|
|
<p>WOMAN: About the focus group? I had nothing to do with the focus
|
|
group. What's your point? (She sees Kramer emerge from another room.
|
|
He's wearing only</p>
|
|
<p>dress shoes, socks, and his briefs) My.. he's sexual, athletic..
|
|
an' without a trace of self-consciousness!</p>
|
|
<p>KLEIN: His buttocks are sublime!</p>
|
|
<p>MAN: Of course, his pectorals could use a little work - I suppose
|
|
we could get him into the weight room.</p>
|
|
<p>WOMAN: (Mesmerized with Kramer's body) No, let's get him in the
|
|
studio today. We can send these out immediately.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer casually puts his hand on the wall, attempting to lean
|
|
on it, but the corner is rounded, and he slides along it, eventually
|
|
falling down. Fortunately, the other</p>
|
|
<p>people don't notice - they're talking amongst themselves)</p>
|
|
<p>MAN: You've done it again, C.K.!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Calvin Klein office building]</p>
|
|
<p>(In a hallway, Tia and others are waiting for the elevator. Jerry,
|
|
deciding to make a speach, starts to preach to the crowd)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: An' what if I did do it? Even though I admit to nothing,
|
|
and never will. What does that make me? And I'm not here just defending
|
|
myself but all those</p>
|
|
<p>Pickers out there who've been caught. (Elevator doors open) Each
|
|
an' every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation
|
|
because of people like you..</p>
|
|
<p>(Everyone but Jerry is now in the elevator. Jerry's still addressing
|
|
them) Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?! (Elevator
|
|
doors shut. A few people in the</p>
|
|
<p>hallway are looking at him, he turns and addresses them) I am not
|
|
an animal!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Elaine's office]</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine's standing in the doorway, yelling at Fred)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I did not bare myself deliberately, but I tell you, I wish
|
|
now that I had! (Fred, shocked by her speech, flees. She calls after
|
|
him, still standing at the hallway) Because it is not me that has
|
|
been exposed, but you! For I have seen the nipple on your soul!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends) </p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's]</p>
|
|
<p>GX: So the minute I started up the steps to her apartment I knew
|
|
I made a terrible mistake. Going back with her. So we're in her
|
|
apartment she goes into the bathroom. I'm cursing myself; now how
|
|
do I get out of this? Then it hits me like a bolt of lightening.
|
|
The pick. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: The pick?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The pick?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: She comes out of the bathroom, I'm in up to my wrist. You
|
|
should have seen the look on her face. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I think I've seen that look. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I've got the magazine. The underwear ad came out.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Boy, they really worked on your pectorals. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Your buttocks are spectacular. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh my!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: What? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I'm not sure but... I think I see your...</p>
|
|
<p></p>
|
|
<p></p>
|
|
<p>THE END
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
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