730 lines
37 KiB
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730 lines
37 KiB
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<h1>The Race</h1>
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<p align="left">Transcribed by The NewsGuy(Mike) - with help from Dave(ratboy)</p>
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<p align="left">CAST<br>
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======</p>
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<p>Todd Kimsey [ Ned ]
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Renee Props [ Lois ]</p>
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<p><a href="http://us.imdb.com/M/person-exact?+McManus,+Don+R.">Don R. McManus</a>
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[ Duncan ] Vicki Lewis [ Ada ]</p>
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<p>Claude Earl Jones [ Mr. Bevilaqua ]
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Mark Christopher Lawrence [ Store Manager]</p>
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<p>Michael Sorich [ Castro ]
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Denise Poirier [ Arlene ]</p>
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<p>Spencer Klein [ Kid ]
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Martin Chow [ Lew ]</p>
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<p>Eva Svensson [ Woman ] </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Monologue</p>
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<p>The Christmas tree certainly seems to inspire a love/hate relationship.
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All that time is spent selecting it and decorating it, and then a week
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after it's just thrown somewhere, you see it by the side of the road,
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it looks like a mob hit. A car slows down, a door opens and this tree
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just rolls out. People snap out of that Christmas spirit like it was a
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drunken stupor, they just wake up one morning and go, "Oh my god,
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there's a tree inside the house! Just throw it anywhere!</p>
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<p>[Lois's office]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ready to go Lois?</p>
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<p>LOIS: You really like to say my name? Don't you?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Excuse me Lois. Stand back Lois. Jimmy's in trouble Lois.</p>
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<p>LOIS: Oh, Mr. Meyers this is my friend, Jerry.</p>
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<p>DUNCAN: Jerry Seinfeld!</p>
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<p>JERRY: Duncan Meyers!</p>
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<p>LOIS: You two know each other?</p>
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<p>DUNCAN: Yeah! We uh, went to High School together. Didn't we </p>
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<p>Jerry? Gee I hope you're not leaving now. We still have a lot of work
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left to do.</p>
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<p>LOIS: Would you be able to come all the way downtown again in rush </p>
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<p>hour to pick me up?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, I'd have to be Superman to do that Lois.</p>
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<p>[Elaine's Apartment]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No, no This is all wrong. Where's the Chicken Cashew?</p>
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<p>LEW: You no order Chicken Cashew.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I didn't order any of this. I'm not paying for this.</p>
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<p>LEW: Fine Benes. We are putting you on our list.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What list?</p>
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<p>LEW: The "do not deliver" list.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! Well, I guess we'll just go out.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah. What are you doing with the Daily Worker?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ned must have left it here.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Your boyfriend reads the Daily Worker? What is he? A </p>
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<p>communist?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: HE reads everything, you know, Ned's very well read.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Maybe he's just "very well RED"?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Communist? Don't you think he probably would have told </p>
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<p>me?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, does he wear bland, drab, olive colored clothing?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yes, . . . yes he does dress a little drab.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Huh, he's a communist. . . . Look at this. "Exciting </p>
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<p>uninhibited woman seeks forward thinking comrade and appearance not important."
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. . . Appearance Not Important! This is unbelievable. Finally this is
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an ideology I can embrace. </p>
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<p>[Jerry enters]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hi oh.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: and GEORGE: Hey.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Where's Lois?</p>
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<p>JERRY: She couldn't make it.</p>
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<p>===========break ========</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I can't believe you're really going out with a woman named </p>
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<p>Lois.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I know, finally. But George, guess who her boss is. Duncan Meyers.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Duncan Meyers? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Who's he?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Elaine, only one other person in the world knows what I am about
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to tell you and that's George. When we were in the ninth grade they had
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us all line up at one end of the school yard for this big race to see
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who was going to represent the school in this track meet.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Uh uh</p>
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<p>JERRY: I was the last one on the end. George was next to me. And Mr.
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Bevilacqua, the gym . . . </p>
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<p>ELAINE: What's that?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Mr. Bevilacqua, the gym teacher.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, of course.</p>
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<p>JERRY: He was down at the other end. So he yells out, "Ready, On
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your mark, Get set, " and I was so keyed up I just took off. By the
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time he said go I was ten yards ahead of everybody.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I looked up. I couldn't believe it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: By the time the race was over I had won. I was shocked nobody
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had noticed the head start.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Really?</p>
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<p>JERRY: And I had won by so much a myth began to grow about my </p>
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<p>speed. Only Duncan suspected something was a miss. He's hated me </p>
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<p>ever since. Now he's back.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well what happened when you raced him again?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I never did. In four years of high school I would never race anyone
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again. Not even to the end of the block to catch a bus. And so the legend
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grew. Everyone wanted me to race. They begged me. The track coach called
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my parents. Pleading. Telling them it was a sin to waste my god given
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talent. But I answered him in the same way I answered everyone. I chose
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not to run. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: So now Duncan is back? </p>
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<p>JERRY: He's back. And I knew he would be someday. (drinks) Man </p>
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<p>that's some tart cider! </p>
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<p>[In Jerry's Car - Lois gets in]</p>
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<p>LOIS:Hi.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hi.</p>
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<p>LOIS: Sorry I missed the Chinese food.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, so am I . Uh, how's Duncan?</p>
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<p>LOIS: He's okay.</p>
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<p>JERRY: He say anything?</p>
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<p>LOIS: About what?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, nothing in particular.</p>
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<p>LOIS: . . . Why did you cheat in that race? </p>
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<p>JERRY: I did not cheat.</p>
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<p>LOIS: He said that you got a head start.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, he's just jealous because he came in second.</p>
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<p>LOIS: Really?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yes</p>
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<p>LOIS: So you WERE the fastest kid in school.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Faster than a speeding bullet Lois.</p>
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<p>[Elaine's Apartment]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So how was work? Another day, another dollar?</p>
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<p>NED: I guess.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh well nothing wrong with that. Gotta make those big bucks.
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. . . money money money money money money money . . . ha ha ha ha ah .
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. . are you a communist?</p>
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<p>NED: Yes, as a matter of fact I am.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: OH, AH! OH! WOW! WHOA! A COMMIE! Wow, gee, man it must be a bummer
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for you guys what with the fall of the soviet empire and everything .</p>
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<p>NED: Yeah, well, we still got China, and Cuba, </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, but come on . . . </p>
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<p>NED: I know it's not the same. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, you had a good run, what was it 75, 80 years? Wreaking
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havoc, making everybody nervous. </p>
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<p>NED: Yeah, we had a good run. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, so enjoy yourself. (clink glasses) ha ha uh ha</p>
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<p>[Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: So you lied to her?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I couldn’t tell her the truth. I don't know what's going
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to happen between us. What if we have a bad breakup. She'll go straight
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to Duncan. And I want him to go to his grave never being certain I got
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that </p>
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<p>head start.</p>
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<p>[Elaine enters]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, I'm dating a communist.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Wow, a communist. That's something.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, that's pretty cool isn't it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey, did I tell you I called one of those girls from the personal
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ads in The Daily Worker?</p>
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<p>JERRY: The Daily Worker has personal ads?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: And they say appearance is not important.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yours or hers?</p>
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<p>[Kramer enters dressed as Santa]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas everyone. Merry Christmas.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Wow, look at you. So you got the job.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, you're looking at the new Santa at Coleman's Department
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store.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, congratulations</p>
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<p>[Mickey enters]</p>
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<p>MICKEY: Come on get your bead on. We're going to be late.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: On Prancer on Dasher, on Donna.</p>
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<p>MICKEY: Not Donna, it's Donner.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Donna!</p>
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<p>MICKEY: Yeah, right!. On Prancer, on Dancer, on Donna, on Ethyl, on Harriet.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hello, Oh hi Lois, you want to get together, what for? I don't
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know about that, I'll have to think about it. I'll let you know. Okay,
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bye.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What's up?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Duncan wants to get together with her and me for lunch tomorrow.
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He obviously wants me to admit I got a head start. And I don't think she
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believes me.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: He wants to meet you? I'll tell you what. I'll show up. He doesn't
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know we're friends. I'll pretend I haven't seen you since High School.
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I'll back up the story.</p>
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<p>JERRY: That's not bad.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Not bad? It's gorgeous!</p>
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<p>[Coleman's Department Store]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Ho ho ho Well come on little Princess, tell Santa what you want.
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Don't be shy.</p>
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<p>MoMICKEY: She doesn't speak English (with a Swedish accent).</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>KRAMER: Santa speaks the language of all children. A notchie watchie
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dotchie do.</p>
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<p>[Child cries and reaches for her mom]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: A dotchie cotchie dochie, </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Het, Mickey when do we get a break? My lap is killing me.</p>
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<p>MICKEY: There is no break.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: A sweat shop.</p>
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<p>[Elaine and commie enter]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, hey, hey.</p>
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<p>[Kid sits on Kramer's lap and they both slide to the floor]</p>
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<p>[Yankee Stadium]</p>
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<p>ADA: Natalie on line 2.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Natalie?</p>
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<p>ADA: From the Daily Worker.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Thank you. </p>
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<p>[ADA leaves but listens at the door]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hello, it's Natalie? Yeah, this is a business office but I'm
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not a business man per se. I'm here working for the people. Yes, I'm causing
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dissent. Stirring the pot. Getting people to question the whole rotten
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system.</p>
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<p>[Coleman's Department Store]</p>
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<p>ILENE: Elaine.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ilene.</p>
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<p>ILENE: Hi.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hello.</p>
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<p>ILENE: Doing a little Christmas shopping?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is Ned. He's a communist.</p>
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<p>ILENE: Oh, really?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yep . . . a big communist, a big big communist.</p>
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<p>ILENE: Oh, well, it's awfully nice to see you. See you later.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Bye bye</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hey, listen while we're here why don't we do a little shirt shopping?
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</p>
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<p>NED: Out of the question.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Um. Kramer!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hi</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hi, oh hi Mickey, this is Ned</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, hey, hi buddy.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You guys stay here, I'll be right back.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Eight hours of jingle belling and ho ho hoing. Boy, I am ho'd
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out.</p>
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<p>NED: Anyone who works here is a sap.</p>
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<p>[Mickey attacks Ned]</p>
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<p>MICKEY: Watch it! </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Woah, woah, come on.</p>
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<p>NED: You understand the Santa's at Bloomfields are making double what
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you are?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Double?</p>
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<p>NED: I bet the beard itches doesn't it?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You got that straight.</p>
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<p>NED: So when you get a rash all over your face in January do you think
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Coleman's will be there with a </p>
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<p>medical plan?</p>
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<p>MICKEY: Look, you take that commie crap out into the street.</p>
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<p>NED: Kramer, I've got some literature in my car that will change your
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whole way of thinking.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Talk to me baby.</p>
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<p>MICKEY: Don't listen to him Kramer, you've got a good job here.</p>
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<p>[Monks]</p>
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<p>DUNCAN: But there's no way you could have beaten me by that much. I already
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beaten you in Junior High School three times.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I didn't hit puberty til the 9th grade. That's what gave me my
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speed. Besides, if I got a head start why didn't Mr. Bevilacqua stop the
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race?</p>
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<p>[George enters]</p>
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<p>DUNCAN: That's what I've always wondered about.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, I . . . [sees George]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, my God, No, oh my God, . . . Jerry!</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm sorry, uh, </p>
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<p>GEORGE: George, George Costanza!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, George Costanza , Kennedy High.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes yes yes This is unbelievable.</p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: Hi, George </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't tell me, don't tell me.
|
|
It starts with a . . . Duncan Meyers. Oh, wow, this is something. I haven't
|
|
seen you guys in what, twenty years? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: This is Lois. </p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So what have you been doing with yourself?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'm I'm a comedian.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ah ha, well, I really wouldn't know about that. I don't watch
|
|
much TV. I like to read. So what do you do, a lot of that "did you
|
|
ever notice?" this kind of stuff.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, yeah </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It strikes me a lot of guys are doing that kind of humor now.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, yeah, Well, you really got bald there, didn't you? </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You really used to have a think full head of hair.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess I started losing it when I was about
|
|
twenty-eight right around the time I made my first million. You know what
|
|
they say. The first million is the hardest one.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: yeah, yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: What do you do? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm an architect.</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: Have you designed any buildings in New York?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim? </p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: You did that?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well you've really built yourself up into something. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, well, I had a dream, Jerry. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, one cannot help[ but wonder what brings you into a crummy
|
|
little coffee shop like this.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, I like to stay in touch with the people.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Ah, you know you have a hole in your sneaker there. What is that
|
|
canvas?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know my driver's waiting, I really should get running. Good
|
|
to see you guys again.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: George, George, hang on. I haven't seen you in so long. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ha, uh, </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I thought we might reminisce a little more. You know Duncan and
|
|
I were just taking about the big race. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, the big race.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes, yes,.</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: You were there?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes, sure, surely was. Yeah, I'll remember that day. Well I'll
|
|
never forget it because that was the day that I uh, lost my virginity
|
|
to Miss. Stafford, the uh, voluptuous home room teacher.</p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: Miss Stafford?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes, yes, you know I was in detention and she came up behind
|
|
me while I was erasing the blackboard . . . </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: George! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: But I digress. Let me see, now. You were standing at one end
|
|
of the line and I was right next to you. And I remember we were even for
|
|
like, the first five yards and then , BOOM,...You were gone. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Did I get a head start? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Head start, oh no absolutely not.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You satisfied? So you see?</p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: No, I'm still not convinced and I never will be.</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS:Why don't the two of you just race again?</p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: That's a good idea.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, no, no, another race - out of the question. </p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: I know, you've been saying that for twenty years because you
|
|
know you can't beat me. You couldn't beat me then and you can't beat me
|
|
now. </p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: Race him Jerry. Race him. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All right! I'll do it. The race is on.</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: . . . shut up! (?)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: And he's calling all these people from High School to come and
|
|
watch. I knew this day would come. I can't do it. I can't go through with
|
|
it. I'm calling it off. I can't let the legend die. It's like a kid finding
|
|
out there's no Santa Claus </p>
|
|
<p>[Street]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: What does that mean?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, if you've got needs and abilities that's a pretty good
|
|
combination.</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: So what if I want to open up a delicatessen? </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: There are no delicatessens under Communism.</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: Why not?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, because the meats are divided into a class system. You
|
|
got Pastrami and Corned Beef in one class and Salami and Bologna in another.
|
|
That's not right.</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: So you can't get Corned Beef?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, you know, if you're in the Politburo, maybe.</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (on phone) . It's George Costanza. . are there any messages for
|
|
me? Why does Mr. Steinbrenner want to see me in his office? . . . Communist?
|
|
I'm not a Communist . . . . All right, all right. All right, I'll be there.
|
|
- ( hangs up ) My secretary Ada, told Mr Steinbrenner I'm a Communist
|
|
Now he wants to see me </p>
|
|
<p>in his office.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So you'll just explain to him you're not a Communist. </p>
|
|
<p>You just called the woman for a date.</p>
|
|
<p>[Phone rings]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hello, oh hi Duncan, 4:00 o'clock tomorrow? That is not </p>
|
|
<p>going to work. . . . Why? I'll tell you why. Because I chose not to run!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>NED: I'm sorry Elaine. The shirt's too fancy.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Just because you're a communist, does that mean you can't wear
|
|
anything nice? You look like Trotsky. It's gorgeous. Fine, you want to
|
|
be a Communist, be a Communist. Can't you at least look like a successful
|
|
Communist? </p>
|
|
<p>NED: All right, I'll try it on.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I'm going to order Chinese Food.</p>
|
|
<p>NED: You're ordering from Hop Sing's, right?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ugh, does it have to be Hop Sing's. I kind of had a fight with
|
|
him.</p>
|
|
<p>NED: Elaine, when my father was black listed he couldn't work for years.
|
|
He and his friends used to sit at Hop Sing's every day figuring out how
|
|
to survive.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You're father was blacklisted? </p>
|
|
<p>NED: Yes he was, and you know why? Because he was betrayed by people
|
|
he trusted. They "named names". </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Okay, okay. (phones) Um, yeah, hi, I'd like delivery please to
|
|
16 West 75th St. apartment 2G.</p>
|
|
<p>LEW: I know that address. You're Benes, right. You're on our list. No
|
|
more delivery.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No. no, she doesn't live here anymore. This is someone else.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>LEW: Oh, yeah. What's the name?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Why do you need the name? You already have the address. </p>
|
|
<p>LEW: We need a name. Give us a name.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Okay, okay, Ned Isakoff.</p>
|
|
<p>[Coleman's Department Store]</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>KID: I want a racing car set. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Ho ho ho ho A racing car set! Those are assembled in Tai Wan
|
|
by kids like you. And these Coleman pigs, they sell it at triple the cost.</p>
|
|
<p>KID: But I want a racing car set.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You see kid, you're being bamboozaled. These capatalist fat cats
|
|
are inflating the profit margin and reducing your total number of toys.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>KID: Hey, this guy's a COMMIE! </p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: Hey, kid, quiet. Were did a nice little boy like you learn such
|
|
a bad word like that? Huh?</p>
|
|
<p>KID: Commie, Commie, Commie . . . (unknown) .</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: Santa is not a Commie. He just forgot how his good friend stuck
|
|
his neck out for him to get him a good job like this. Didn't he Santa!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>STORE MANAGER: Is there a problem here?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: ho ho ho ho.</p>
|
|
<p>KID: This guy's a Commie. He's spreading propoganda.</p>
|
|
<p>STORE MANAGER: Oh yeah? Well that's enough pinko! You're through. The
|
|
both of ya'</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: I got two kids in college. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You can't fire me, I'm Santa Claus. </p>
|
|
<p>STORE MANAGER: Not anymore. Get your skinny ass out of here.</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's Car]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hi how are you?</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: . . . Fine. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What's the matter? </p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: I just spoke to Duncan. He said if you don't race, he's going to
|
|
fire me.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What? He can't do that.</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: Yes he can. He controls the means of production. What are you going
|
|
to do Jerry?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Don't worry Lois. I'll think of something.</p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>LEW: Ah, I knew it was you! You tried to trick Hop Sing! You are onour
|
|
list; Elaine Benes! And now you are on our list; Ned Isakoff. </p>
|
|
<p>Ned: You got me blacklisted from Hop Sing's?</p>
|
|
<p>LEW: She named name! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Steinbrenner's Office]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You, uh, wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?</p>
|
|
<p>STEINBRENNER: Yes George, I did. Come in, come in. George, the wordaround
|
|
the office is that you're a Communist.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: C-Communist? I am a Yankee, sir, first and foremost.</p>
|
|
<p>STEINBRENNER: You know George, it struck me today me that a Communistpipeline
|
|
into the vast reservoir of Cuban baseball talent could be thegreatest
|
|
thing ever to happen to this organization. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Sir?</p>
|
|
<p>STEINBRENNER: You could be invaluable to this franchise. George,</p>
|
|
<p>there's a southpaw down there nobody's been able to get a look at;</p>
|
|
<p>something Rodriguez, I don't really know his name. You get yourselfdown
|
|
to Havana right away. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes, sir. Yes sir, do my best.</p>
|
|
<p>STEINBRENNER: Good, Merry Christmas George. And bring me back some of
|
|
those cigars in the cedar boxes, you know the ones with the fancy rings?
|
|
I love those fancy rings. They kind of distract you while you're smoking.
|
|
The red and yellow are nice. It looks good against the brown of the cigar.
|
|
The Maduro, I like the Maduro wrapper. The darker the better, that's what
|
|
I say. Of course, the Claro's good too. That's more of a pale brown, almost
|
|
like a milky coffee. (George exits) I find the ring size very confusing.
|
|
They have it in centimeters which I don't really understand that well...</p>
|
|
<p>[On the Street]</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: That was quick! Nice job, Santa!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, </p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: I knew that Commie stuff was going to get us in trouble. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, well I didn't realize that was such a sensitive issue.</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: Communism, You didn't realize Communism was a sensitive issue?
|
|
What do you think has been going on in the world for the past 60 years?
|
|
Wake up and smell the coffee. </p>
|
|
<p>K I guess I screwed up!</p>
|
|
<p>MICKEY: You sure did. Big time. </p>
|
|
<p>[Street - race begins]</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: How do you feel?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I need a miracle. </p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: Now you're going to see what kind of liar you're mixed up with.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS: If he beats you I want a big raise. </p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: If he beats me, I'll not only give you a raise, I'll send you
|
|
to Hawaii for two weeks. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I parked in front of that restaurant . As soon as this race is
|
|
over I got to go to the airport.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Okay, all right, all right.</p>
|
|
<p>MR. BEVILACQUA: You ready boys?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yes, Mr. Beviacqua</p>
|
|
<p>MR. BEVILACQUA: Okay, this is hoiw it works. You take your marks, I say,
|
|
READY - ON YOUR MARK - GET SET - and then fire. You got it?</p>
|
|
<p>DUNCAN: and JERRY: Yes Mr. Bevilacqua. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters his car]</p>
|
|
<p>[Mr. Bevilacqua raises gun]</p>
|
|
<p>MR. BEVILACQUA: READY - ON YOUR MARK </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer's car backfires]</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry is off early and wins the race - the crowd goes crazy - ]</p>
|
|
<p>LOIS:So will you come to Hawaii with me Jerry?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Maybe I will , Lois. Maybe I will. </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry winks at camera like in the Superman movie]</p>
|
|
<p>[Havana]</p>
|
|
<p>[George enters Castro's office (like Steinbrenner]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You wanted to see me, El Presidente?</p>
|
|
<p>CASTRO: Si, si. (a Spanish word I can't figure out) Come here. </p>
|
|
<p>I understand you are very interested in one of our players, eh?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Si, si.</p>
|
|
<p>CASTRO: Ordinarily I would not grant such a request but I've heard you</p>
|
|
<p>are, uh, how you say, Communista simpatico, eh?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Muy sumpatico. Muy muy muy.</p>
|
|
<p>CASTRO: Well good, then you can have your pick.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, oh!</p>
|
|
<p>CASTRO: They will play for your Yankees.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh well, gracias El Commandante, gracias. Muy muy.</p>
|
|
<p>CASTRO: And I would be honored if you would be my guest for dinner tonight
|
|
at the Presidential palace. There will be girls there and, I hear, some
|
|
pretty good food. Of course the problem with parties is you invariably
|
|
have to eat standing up which I don't care for but on the other hand I
|
|
don't like to balance a plate on my lap either. Once when I was at a party,
|
|
I put my plate on someone's piano. I assure you, if I had not been a dictator,
|
|
I would not have been able to get away with that one. </p>
|
|
<p>[END] </p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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