2038 lines
82 KiB
HTML
2038 lines
82 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Raincoats (1)</h1>
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<p align="center">Transcribed by 13erla<br>
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Corrections by The News Guy(Mike)<br>
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Originally posted on 13erla's site <br>
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<small>(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits
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as three lines above are included - Thanks)</small></p>
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<p>Episode 82&83 - The Raincoats<br>
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pc: 519&520, season 5, episode 18&19<br>
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Broadcast date: April 28 1994<br>
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NOTE: Originally broadcast as part of a 60 min episode.<br>
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Part 1 Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross and Larry David & Jerry
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Seinfeld<br>
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Part 1 Written by Larry Charles<br>
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Both Directed by Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>The Cast</p>
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<p>Regulars:<br>
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Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld<br>
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Jason Alexander .................. George Costanza<br>
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus ............. Elaine Benes<br>
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Michael Richards ................. Cosmo Kramer</p>
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<p>Guest Stars:<br>
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Michael G. Hagerty ........... Rudy<br>
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Dorien Wilson ..................... Alec<br>
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Annie Korzen ..................... Doris Klompus<br>
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Stephen Pearlman .............. Mr. Goldstein<br>
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Judge Reinhold .................. Aaron<br>
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Lisa Pescia .......................... Joanne<br>
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Jason Manary ................... Joey<br>
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LaRita Shelby ................... Tour Leader<br>
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Melanie Smith .................... Rachel<br>
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rc: Jerry Stiller .................... Frank Costanza<br>
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rc: Estelle Harris ................ Estelle Costanza<br>
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rc: Barney Martin .............. Morty Seinfeld<br>
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rc: Liz Sheridan ................. Helen Seinfeld<br>
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rc: Sandy Baron ................ Jack Klompus</p>
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<p>==================================================================</p>
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<p>[Opening Monologue]</p>
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<p>I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social
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skills. Conversational Distance, don't you hate these people that talk
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to you they talk into your mouth like you're a clown at a drive-through
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and Hand shakes is the worst, there's absolutely no guidelines for hand
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shakes you know these people? Too long, too weak, sometimes they give
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you the three-quarter handshake just the fingers, early release, late
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release, sometimes people will dispute your release, you let go there're
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hangin' on. I have actually said to people 'Hey the handshake is over!.'
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Too many pumps, coming in too high, too sweaty, coming from too far away.
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Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you
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in for the too close conversation. To him I say 'That's three strikes
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you're out.'</p>
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<p>[Monk's]</p>
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<p>(George and Jerry at the usual booth)</p>
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<p>JERRY: You know their timing couldn't be worse.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Is there ever a good time to have your parents stay with you?</p>
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<p>JERRY: You don't understand, I haven't been together with Rachel for
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like three weeks. First I was on the road, then my parents show up, I'm
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getting a little uh backed up. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: When are they leaving for Paris?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Not for another three days.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What about her place?</p>
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<p>JERRY: She lives with her parents.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Really? (Jerry shakes his head) Maybe this will become like a
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cool thing, living with your parents.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (sarcastically)Ya, then maybe baldness will catch on. This will
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all be turning your way. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come,
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who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to
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be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?</p>
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<p>JERRY: The baldies</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey by the way my parents really want to have your parents over
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dinner before they leave town.</p>
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<p>JERRY: That's good, then I get the apartment for at least one night.
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You know I'm paying for this whole Paris trip it's their anniversary present.</p>
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<p>(Alec and Joey enter)</p>
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<p>ALEC: (walking over to Jerry and George's table) Hey guys.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey Alec</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey Alec</p>
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<p>ALEC: This is Joey. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey Joey, how you doin'?</p>
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<p>ALEC: (Joey was about to talk) Hey listen, I was wondering if either
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one of you guys would be interested in doing some work for the Big Brother
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program? I'm kinda running the local chapter. What do you say George?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well uh....</p>
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<p>JOEY: (interrupts) Wouldn't you like to be a big brother to someone like
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me? Please?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, sure Joey, sure, I would be thrilled.</p>
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<p>ALEC: That's great George, thanks a lot I'll get in touch with you.</p>
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<p>JOEY: Wouldn't you like to be a big brother..</p>
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<p>ALEC: (grabs Joey to stop him) Ya alright Joey that's enough, let's go
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(walking over to the counter) See ya.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What happened?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What could I do? Did you see the mug on that kid?</p>
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<p>JERRY: (acting like Joey) Wouldn't you like to pass the ketchup to someone
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like me? Please?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>[Street]</p>
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<p>(Jerry and George walking down the sidewalk.)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey did you notice they moved where they do the interview on Jeopardy
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now?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ya it used to be right in the middle of single Jeopardy and now
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they do it right after single Jeopardy.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ya, it's much better isn't it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, n-no comparison.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, I gotta stop off at the bookstore to pick up my parents one
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of those French-English <a href="http://www.lib.unc.edu/dc/nc_post/">dictionaries</a>.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (stops Jerry realizing something) Hey hey hey hey hey hey.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Your parents are going to Paris right?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yea?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: So I tell Alec that I have to goto Paris for an undetermined
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amount of time. Then all I have to do is buy some post cards and have
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your parents mail them from Paris.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What about little Joey?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Who?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ah, I think he's probably better off.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
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<p>(Morty and Helen are sitting at Jerry's Table; Jerry and George are standing
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by them)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I'm trying to get out of this Big Brother program. So when you
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get to Paris (handing Morty the <a href="http://www.overnightprints.com/">postcards</a>) all you have to do is drop
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'em in any mailbox. </p>
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<p>MORTY: But there are no stamps on these.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well no not yet, you gotta buy french <a href="http://www.americaslibrary.gov/help/postcards.html">stamps</a> (pauses) I-I'll
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reimburse you of course. </p>
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<p>HELEN: Why are you doing this?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He wants this guy to think he's in Paris. </p>
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<p>HELEN: Why?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Because George is a deeply disturbed individual.</p>
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<p>(Kramer enters)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh hey, Helen uh, Could I uh, use some more of your hand lotion?</p>
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<p>HELEN: I told you it was good. (hands Kramer the lotion)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (putting on the lotion) Ya</p>
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<p>HELEN: It's from the Sachs Fifth Avenue in Miami.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Mmm (smelling the lotion as he rubs it in) I'm gonna remember
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that if I'm ever in Florida.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ya, or if you're ever on Fifth Avenue here in New York City, you
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could get some there.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Ya</p>
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<p>MORTY: Say those are some nice pants. I got a pair just like them at
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home.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well uh that doesn't surprise me, ya i bought these at Rudy's.
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It's a used clothing store. See when people like you die, the widows they
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bring in their wardrobes, they make a bundle.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Really? My father has a ton of old clothes just sitting up in
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the attic, y-you think they're worth something?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Ya if they're vintage, and you're a widow.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What happens if the husband dies after the wife, who brings in
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the clothing in then?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well I suppose the children do.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (pondering) Yes I suppose they do.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (takes another smell of his hands) Alright I gotta a ten o'clock,
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I'll see everybody later.</p>
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<p>(Kramer goes to turn the door nob and falls straight to the floor slipping
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off the nob, then continues to try to open the door with no one really
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watching; He then uses his coat to get a grip and then smiles and exits)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (grabbing his jacket) Hey oo, I just remembered uh my parents
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really wanna have you guys over for dinner before you leave town. What
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about tonight? </p>
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<p>(Morty and Helen look at each other)</p>
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<p>HELEN: Tonight?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yea they're making Payaya.</p>
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<p>HELEN: (looking at Morty) Uh oh I don't think we think we can make it
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tonight, (turns toward George) we have plans.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (watching the whole conversation from his desk) What plans? </p>
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<p>HELEN: (turns to Jerry) We have plans.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Where'd you get plans?</p>
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<p>HELEN: (annoyed) We have plans.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well um, what about tomorrow night?</p>
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<p>HELEN: (turns back toward George) Maybe</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ok uh, I guess I'll tell them that.</p>
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<p>MORTY: (to George as he is about to leave) Hey give 'em our best though.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (quietly) Ya.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (walking over toward George and the door) I'll call you later.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ya.</p>
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<p>(George tries to open the door hand slips then he exits; Jerry makes
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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sure the door is closed)</p>
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<p>JERRY: So what plans do you have?</p>
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<p>MORTY: None</p>
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<p>JERRY: So how come you're not going over there for dinner?</p>
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<p>HELEN: Jerry we don't care much for the Costanzas'.</p>
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<p>MORTY: We can't stand them.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Really? Since when?</p>
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<p>HELEN: Since always. We've never liked them.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Why?</p>
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<p>HELEN: Well they're so loud, they're always fighting it's uncomfortable,
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you never notice?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No I notice but they're from your age group I didn't know you
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could detect abnormal behavior among your own kind. </p>
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<p>MORTY: Well we do.</p>
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<p>(Buzzer; Jerry goes over to answer it)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ya?</p>
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<p>(Elaine and Aaron are heard laughing on the Intercom)</p>
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<p>ELAINE: It's us.</p>
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<p>JERRY: U-oh come on up. (buzzes them up) It's Elaine you don't have a
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problem with her do you?</p>
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<p>HELEN: We adore Elaine.</p>
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<p>JERRY: She wants to say hi, she's with her new boyfriend.</p>
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<p>HELEN: What's he like?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's nice, bit of a close talker.</p>
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<p>HELEN: A what?</p>
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<p>JERRY: You'll see. (pause) Boy, I had no idea you felt this way about
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the Costanzas'</p>
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<p>HELEN: They're exhausting it's like being in an Asylum.</p>
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<p>(Elaine and Aaron enter)</p>
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<p>EVERYONE: Hi.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hello Elaine</p>
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<p>(Morty and Helen give Elaine a hug)</p>
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<p>ELAINE: This is Aaron.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Hello Aaron</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hello.</p>
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<p>AARON: (getting up in Helen's face) So how long you folks in town?</p>
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<p>HELEN: Oh, three more days, three more days then we're off to Paris.</p>
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<p>AARON: Ah</p>
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<p>MORTY: We're going with a select charter group.</p>
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<p>AARON: I love France, (moving over to Morty's face) I was just there
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last year. In fact, you know I still have an envelope full of French Franks,
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I'll give 'em to ya.</p>
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<p>HELEN: We can't take money.</p>
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<p>AARON: Oh, no, it's a gift. (looking toward Elaine) from us.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, that is soo nice (very elaborate nice) Aaron. Isn't he nice?
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(to Helen) So listen has Jerry been showin' you a good time?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No I haven't.</p>
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<p>AARON: You know (to Morty) I have a friend who works at the Metropolitan
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Museum of Art. How would you like a behind the scenes tour?</p>
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<p>HELEN: (grabbing Aaron) Really, you could do that?</p>
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<p>AARON: (up in Helen's face) Easily</p>
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<p>HELEN: I wouldn't be any trouble?</p>
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<p>AARON: (gets closer) Of course not.</p>
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<p>HELEN: When would we go?</p>
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<p>AARON: How about right now?</p>
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<p>MORTY: I'm ready</p>
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<p>HELEN: Are you sure?</p>
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<p>AARON: Yes.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Ok, let me get my coat.</p>
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<p>(Helen goes to get her coat)</p>
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<p>AARON: (walking over to Elaine and getting into her face) Elaine what
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do you say?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: W-well I don't think so Aaron, uh, I have plans.</p>
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<p>AARON: Oh. (getting into Jerry's face) How about you Jerry?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm swamped.</p>
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<p>AARON: You sure? You could examine the art work up close.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Maybe I'll try and catch up with you.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (under her breath) Ya that'll happen)</p>
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<p>AARON: (Moving toward the door) Alright. We're off.</p>
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<p>(Aaron, Helen and Morty heading out the door)</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Ok, bye.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN & AARON: Bye.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Ok buh bye. Have a good time.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Bye.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: See everybody later (Morty and Helen leave; Aaron closes the door
|
|
blowing Elaine a kiss)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Ok.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Why would he ask your parents to go to a museum?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What is that?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Maybe he was just trying to be nice.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Have you ever heard of anyone doing anything like this?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wait a second, he just did me a big favor.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry walks over to the couch sits down and picks up the phone)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (dialing) He got em out of the house.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Call Rachel.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (on the phone) ah no, I got the machine. Rachel! Are you there?!
|
|
I got the place to myself for a few hours! Rachel! Where are you? Rachel!
|
|
(hangs up the phone very disappointed) </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (putting on lipstick) Sorry pal, wish I could help you out. </p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine kisses at Jerry; Jerry looks at her in disgust)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Costanza House]</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: They're not coming?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, they had plans.</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: How could they have plans?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: That's what I wanna know.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: Well what difference does it make? They wouldn't lie to us, they're
|
|
are dear friends.</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: What am I supposed to do with all this Paella?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: They said tomorrow, maybe.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: Maybe?</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: Maybe they don't like us.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: Why wouldn't they like us? (tastes the Paella; disgusted) Again
|
|
with the pepper? What do you gotta use all the pepper for?</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: Ah keep quiet.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: What are you trying to set my mouth on fire?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't know what the reason could be.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>(Morty, Helen and Aaron enter)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (disappointed) Oh, Hi, hi.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Ah Jerry you would not believe the time we had.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Aaron is quite the tour guide.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Jerry have you ever seen any of those impressionist paintings?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh sure like Monet.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Don't you think he had to be uh near sighted? I mean nobody would
|
|
paint like that if they could see. It's all out of focus.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well he's from the impressionist school, you know like Monet,
|
|
Manet, Tippi Tippi Dayday.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I say the guy was painting without his glasses.</p>
|
|
<p>(phone rings)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (answering phone) Hello? Rachel, ya uh no they're back.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Jerry if you have something to do we could just sit right here
|
|
and read.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh haha ya well uh I'm sorry too I'll call you later, ok bye (hangs
|
|
phone up)</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Well I should be going.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Oh thanks again.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON & HELEN: Buh bye.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer enters)</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Oh you must be Kramer (advances on Kramer to close to his face
|
|
Kramer walks back into the fridge to avoid him and falls to the ground)
|
|
I've heard about you. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You must be Aaron, I've heard about you.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: (Laughing) Well see you later.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: (leaving) Bye</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Bye</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: So uh what are you guys doing for dinner?</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: We have no plans.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: (noticing Kramer's coat) Look at that, Helen do you see what he's
|
|
wearing? That's the Executive.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Now what is Executive?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: The belt-less trench coat. My father invented it.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I sure did. Raincoats were my business. The Executive was a classic,
|
|
these haven't been made in twenty years.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Why would they? Nobody bought them then.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: He's wearing one.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yea these are a hot item over at Rudy's.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: You don't say? You know I have boxes of those sitting in my garage
|
|
in Florida?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Get 'em up here. You give me twenty-five percent I-I'll take
|
|
care of everything.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: You gotta deal.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer and Morty shake hands)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yaaaa.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: This is like the meeting of Smith and Wesson.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I'll call Jack Klompus, he's got a key to the garage. He can send
|
|
them overnight delivery.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: You're gonna first start shipping boxes? We're leaving for Paris
|
|
in three days.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: He'll send them express.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: You're crazy.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I'll tell you how crazy I am, I'm gonna pay for this whole trip
|
|
with these coats.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: N-na I'm paying for the trip.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: So much the better.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's]</p>
|
|
<p>(George and Alec are sitting at the booth closest to the door)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Anyway it's kind of a fluke thing but uh I'll be leaving for
|
|
Paris in two days. I will send you a postcard when I get there.</p>
|
|
<p>ALEC: Paris huh?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yea, ya..ya know I feel terrible about Joey but it's jus..it's
|
|
a great business opportunity. I-I don't even know how long I'm gonna be
|
|
away for.</p>
|
|
<p>ALEC: Where will you stay?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: An apartment complex, the uh the Eiffel Towers. uumm Like I said
|
|
uh you'll be getting a postcard uh in a few days and again I'm sorry.</p>
|
|
<p>ALEC: George, you have no idea how fantastic this is. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Fantastic?</p>
|
|
<p>ALEC: Ya, we've been trying to reunite Joey with his father who lives
|
|
in Paris. But he's afraid to fly alone, you know he's kinda withdrawn,
|
|
but he seems to take to you. (George smiling in surprise) So it's a perfect
|
|
solution. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: How gee what a coincidence.</p>
|
|
<p>ALEC: And you'll send me a postcard.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine and Aaron lying in bed)</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Helen really seemed to respond to Renoir. I think she really connected
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
to the way he painted children.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Mm hmm.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: And that Morty, I'll tell ya that guy is full of life. (laughs)
|
|
He was convinced Monet was near sighted. I kept telling him</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Aaron</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Yes?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Uh, let me ask you a question. How come you asked Mr. and Mrs.
|
|
Seinfeld to go to the museum with you? </p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Well, they were in from out of town, I thought they would enjoy
|
|
it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Uhuh, um you didn't feel uncomfortable spending the whole day
|
|
at the museum with two complete strangers who were more than twice your
|
|
age?</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: No, it was fun.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You had fun with Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld.</p>
|
|
<p>AARON: Yea, they bought me a coke.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>(Morty and Jerry are sitting at his table; Kramer is standing next to
|
|
Morty; Helen is getting the fold out sofa ready to sleep)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: So how'd you come up with the idea for the belt-less trench coat?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I came home one night, and I tripped over one of Jerry's toys.
|
|
(Jerry smiling points to himself and nods with cards in his hands) So
|
|
I took out my belt just to threaten him, and I got a glimpse of myself
|
|
in the mirror.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: How serendipitous.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: So that night I cut off the loops and the Executive was born.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Mmm</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: He also came up with an idea for a brimless rain-hat but that
|
|
never materialized. (to Morty) Alright come on let's play.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Did you call Jack Klompus yet?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I haven't been able to reach him. Hey I'll call him right now.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Ah come on.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Just a second. (Goes to grab the phone)</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Jerry have you seen Schindler's List?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No I haven't seen it yet.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Oh you have to go you have to</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'm going</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: You have to</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Ok</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: (on the phone) Hello Jack.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jack in Florida)</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: Ya</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: It's Morty</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: Who died?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Nobody died. Jack I want you to do me a big favor. (Jerry holding
|
|
up some cards looking at his father) In my garage there are a couple of
|
|
boxes.</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: What boxes?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I'm gonna explain what boxes.</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: Alright how the hell do I know?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Anyway there are these three big boxes, you can't miss them. I
|
|
want you to ship them here to New York for me.</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: I thought you're going to Paris</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I'm still going to Paris. I got a big deal cooking here.</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: What's in the boxes?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Raincoats.</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: Raincoats? (Doris sighs) You think you're gonna sell those old
|
|
crappy raincoats? That's garbage.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: I guarantee you Doris is not letting him mail those boxes.</p>
|
|
<p>JACK: When do you want these?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Send them tomorrow.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Costanza House)</p>
|
|
<p>(George, Estelle and Frank are sitting at the table for breakfast all
|
|
still in what they slept in)</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: You think they're coming tonight?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I dunno they said maybe.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: Of course they're coming, they're leaving soon. If they don't
|
|
come tonight they might not see us.</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: Well they better come, I got all this Paella.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: I admire Morty and Helen going to France. We should take a trip,
|
|
maybe a cruise. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes a cruise, a long cruise, just the two of you. </p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: Georgie what were you doing poking around the attic last night?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I-I wasn't in the attic.</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: I heard noise.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Maybe it was a mouse.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: (jumping to his feet) OK that's it! We're moving! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: I will not tolerate infestation.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You haven't even seen one.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: Don't you understand the very thought, the very idea, I'll never
|
|
be comfortable again.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: All
|
|
right Frank that's enough.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Frank sits back down)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Rudy's Antique Boutique]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Rudy is checking out the clothes)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I guess I've been hanging on to them for so long cuz i couldn't
|
|
accept the fact that Dad was really gone forever (hugs a piece of clothing)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Uh huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: They will get a good home won't they?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Look I gotta be honest with you there's nothing here too spectacular.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh I beg to differ. My father took great pride in his appearance,
|
|
he was a very handsome man, a Casanova really.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: I'll give you uh two-hundred dollars for the three boxes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Could you make it two-twenty-five that was his hi-game in bowling.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Yea I'm in a good mood here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer enters)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey, George what are you doing here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Uh, I'm just selling some of Dad's things, (looking into Kramer's
|
|
eyes) that's what he would have wanted.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, I gotcha (clicks)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (leaving) That'll do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh hey guess what. Morty Seinfeld and I are going into business
|
|
together, selling raincoats.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Hey that's swell.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yea we worked it out all over dinner last night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Dinner? (grabs Kramer)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Ya.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You had dinner with the Seinfelds?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yea, last night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Was this something you had planned for a while?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No it was a spur of the moment. Well you know Morty likes to fly
|
|
by the seat of his vintage pants.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (hurriedly leaves Rudy's) They had plans, They had plans!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oooo, boy I've never seen these before (looking at the clothes
|
|
George just sold Rudy)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Well they just came in, part of my spring-time cruise collection.
|
|
Two for twenty-five dollars.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh I'll take these.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: All right<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey, remember this raincoat that you sold me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Sure that's the Executive. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Ya, you have any others?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: I wish. They don't make 'em anymore.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Suppose I told you I had fifty in mint condition, would you be
|
|
interested?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Very interested<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Cuz they're coming in from Florida as we speak.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Well bring 'em in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: So you'll buy them?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: I don't see what would possibly stop me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Out of one of the boxes George sold Rudy flies a couple of moths as the
|
|
scene ends)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George enters)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Aaaa (looking around for Jerry) aaaa (finds Jerry) Ah ha. They
|
|
had plans huh? They were busy. They were busy with their (doing a little
|
|
dance to make the plans seem all that important) big plans! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What are you talking about?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Mom and Pop Seinfeld<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Look I don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: All right I happen to know what they did last night, they had
|
|
dinner with Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh they were tired it was a last minute thing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So what's the deal they don't want to have dinner with my parents?
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: That's right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Is there something wrong with my parents?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Absolutely<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Because my parents happen to be two pretty wonderful people.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: These the people you currently live with?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh huh<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So are they coming tonight or not?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Look I really don't know what they're plans are.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Ok, fine. It's going to be very interesting, very interesting
|
|
if they don't show up tonight. You know my mother made all this Paella.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What is that anyway?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: It's a Spanish dish. It's a mlange of fish, an meat with rice.
|
|
Very tasty.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I-I'll tell 'em<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Hey could you do one other thing for me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Name it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You think your parents would have any objections to taking a little
|
|
kid to Paris with them? (Jerry looks at him confused) It turns out that
|
|
the kid's father lives in Paris. (chuckling) Is that a coincidence? (Jerry
|
|
smiles) Eh you know Alec wants me to take him over there so I figure as
|
|
long as they're going (claps)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So you thought as long as they're mailing postcards, it wouldn't
|
|
be too much to ask my parents to drag a child who they've never seen,
|
|
through the streets of Paris?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (pause) All right if you think it's too much they don't have to
|
|
mail the postcards.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine at her desk; Joanna standing near the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOANNE: So where's he taking you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well first we're going to a matinee, I'm taking the afternoon
|
|
off, we're gonna go see "My Fair Lady" and they we are gonna
|
|
go to dinner. He knows all these fantastic places.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOANNE: You are one lucky girl. (Elaine laughs in happiness) Wish I could
|
|
find a nice guy. (Joanne goes to leave; Aaron enters) Hi Aaron.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: (getting up in Aaron's face) Hey Joanne. (turns to Elaine and goes
|
|
over to her) Hey<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (already out from behind her desk goes to Aaron) Hi <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine and Aaron kiss)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Enter Helen)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Hello, Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Enter Morty)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Hello Elaine<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Morty gives Elaine a kiss; Elaine is in shock)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: I was able to finagle two more tickets to "My Fair Lady"
|
|
and I thought why not ask Morty and Helen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh, Great.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (looking around) This is some office. What's the square footage?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: You don't mind to you Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Mind? Oh o-of course not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: We can make a whole day of it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: This is some building, Harry Fleming used to have an office here.
|
|
There was a deli on the first floor. You don't get corned beef like that
|
|
anymore. What happened to that deli?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (somewhat annoyed) I really don't know Mr. Seinfeld<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Collection of Scenes with the music and singing from "My Fair Lady"
|
|
over them. First the matine where we see (from left to right) Helen,
|
|
Morty, Elaine and Aaron. Morty opens a candy bar takes a bite then offers
|
|
it to Elaine then Aaron who takes it as the scene changes to the Cafe
|
|
123. At the restaurant we see (from left to right) Morty, Elaine, Helen
|
|
and Aaron. Morty is pointing at a painting while talking to Elaine then
|
|
takes off his glasses. Next George is seen getting ready to hop into a
|
|
cab when Morty, Elaine, Aaron and Helen ride by in a horse drawn carriage
|
|
(Handsome Cab) drinking champagne. George then smacks the top of the cab
|
|
in disgust]<br>
|
|
(song from "My Fair Lady") "I could have danced all night,
|
|
I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more. I could
|
|
have spread my wings, and done a thousand things, I've never done before.
|
|
I never know what made it so exciting, but all at once my heart would
|
|
fly"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry and Rachel making out on Jerry's couch)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (stopping them) We better not. (they make out some more; then stop)
|
|
T-They're gonna be here any second.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: When are they leaving?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: In two days.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: It's been soo long.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Ok, it's only two more days.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(They both run their hands through their hair)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Right, Thursday three o'clock.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (from outside the door; singing) I could have danced all night
|
|
(entering with Helen) I could have danced all night and still have<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Ooh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh Hi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: We didn't know you had company.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (tucking in his shirt) Oh ya this is Rachel.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Hi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN & MORTY: Hello Rachel.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Uh we'll come back another time.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What other time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Whenever<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Where you goin'?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Uh we'll drive around for a while.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You don't have a car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: We'll take a bus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Come on stop.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: No we don't mind<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I'll get a book.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: No no it's ok, I was just leaving anyway.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: O-oh are you sure?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Yea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Cuz we don't wann..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (interrupting) No no it's ok. (walking Rachel out) So we'll go
|
|
see Schindler's List later right?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Definitely <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ok.Uh<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: (going out the door) It's night meeting you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
HELEN: Nice meeting you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ok, see you later.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Boy that was some show.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What show?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: "My Fair Lady"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: When did you get tickets to see that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Aaron surprised us, and Elaine came.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh (laughing) Elaine really? Well that sounds interesting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: We saw Regis Philbin get out of a limousine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: He looks better on TV.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Phone rings)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (answering phone) Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jack Klompus in Florida)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Hello Jerry, <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: It's Jack Klompus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh hi Jack.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: So when are you coming down to Florida again?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: As soon as is humanly possible.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: You know I still got that pen, the one that writes upside down.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yea yea ya I shoulda kept it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: So uh where's your father?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ya he's right here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry hands Morty the phone)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Yea<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Morty, listen I can't get into the garage. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What do you mean?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: There is something wrong with the key. The key doesn't work<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You gotta jiggle it a little bit. I jiggled it. I jiggled it for
|
|
fifteen minutes. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Doris enters the scene with Jack)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DORIS: Tell him to come down here and get his own packages. You have nothing
|
|
better to do then worry about his boxes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You gotta pull on the knob as you turn it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Get the hell outta here with your knob.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DORIS: What does he want from you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: My idiot son could open that garage door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What did I do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Just do it first thing tomorrow. I need it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jack is seen hanging up his phone)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: They'll be here first thing Thursday morning.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Thursday morning? You know we're leaving at three o'clock.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (in a hurry) Yea you're leaving at three o'clock.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: How are you gonna get all this done in time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Don't worry about it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (in a hurry) Ya how you gonna get all this done in time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Costanza House]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George, Estelle and Frank all standing in the kitchen)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: They were drinking champagne in a buggy!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: First Kramer, then Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yea<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: It's a slap in the face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: (with her arms out in wonder) What did we ever do to them? (George
|
|
puts his arms out and imitates Estelle as she moves her arms up and down
|
|
as she speaks) I want to know what we did them!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: What are they too good for us? A raincoat salesman, I could buy
|
|
and sell 'em like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Frank leaves the kitchen and moves into the living room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: The hell with them.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (in the threshold between the living room and the kitchen) The
|
|
thing that bothers me the most, is the lying.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George and Estelle move their way into the living room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Let's forget about it. We're going on a beautiful vacation. (sits
|
|
down in his chair)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (sitting down) Vacation?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: You're mother and I are planning on taking a cruise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Estelle is already sitting next to George on the couch)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (claps all happy) AH! (half hugs Estelle)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: But I can't find any vacation clothes. They were in the attic.
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: The attic? Y-you haven't wore any of those clothes for years.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: How can I go on a cruise with out my cabana wear? I love those,
|
|
those clothes. (Looks down yells) AH! (jumps out of his chair) A mouse!
|
|
I saw a mouse! (takes off into another room with glass doors on it and
|
|
shuts the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (picking up what Frank saw as a mouse) It's the remote.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (looking from the room; you can see him through the glass) Where
|
|
the hell are my clothes? I love those clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Ally outside Rudy's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Rudy has a gasoline bottle and is burning some clothes)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Lousy moth ridden crap.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Median Monologue]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
I-I-I'm not crazy about used clothes. I mean they call it vintage, you
|
|
know to take your mind off of what it really is 'nasty wear.' Oh it's
|
|
clean you know people wear underwear, ya well they don't wear iron underwear
|
|
and that's what it's gonna take to get me in those clothes. I mean I'll
|
|
move into an apartment after a strange person moves out, why would I wanna
|
|
move into somebody's pants? There is no vintage underwear of course, but
|
|
it's not because the guy couldn't sell his underwear, it's because men
|
|
wear their underwear until it absolutely disintegrates. Men hang on to
|
|
underwear until, until each individual underwear molecule is so strained
|
|
it can barely retain the properties of a solid. It actually becomes underwear
|
|
vapor. W-we don't even throw it out, we just open a window and it goes
|
|
out like dandelion spoors. That's how men throw out underwear we just
|
|
go (blows on the mic) and it's gone that it is jus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Movie Theater: Schindler's List]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Schindler's List is playing as Jerry and Rachel are making out. Newman
|
|
is then seen disgusted by this display)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry Enters; Morty and Helen are sitting at the table with a map out)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Hey, Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: So how was the movie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, really good, really good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: And didn't the three hours go by just like that (snaps her fingers)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Like that (snaps his fingers)<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What about the end, with the list?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ya that was some list.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: What did you think about the black and white?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (confused) The black and white.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: The whole movie was in black and white.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh yea, I didn't even realize. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You don't even think about it, there's so much going on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ya ya, I tell ya I could see it again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Rudy's Antique Boutique]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: So Klompus has the key, but the jerk couldn't open it up. All
|
|
you gotta do it jiggle it (has is hand out jiggling) jus get it in there
|
|
(jiggling making a bunch of noises) jigg jigg jiggle reiggle<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Look, I find this whole thing very uninteresting. When you get the
|
|
coats come in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER; Ya hey I'm on your side.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George enters)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey what again?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I'm trying to buy some of the clothes back. (realizing something)
|
|
Hey you wanna come over for dinner tonight? My mother made all this extra
|
|
Paella. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Payaya, ya I'll be there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Apparently the Seinfelds' are too good for us. I shouldn't say
|
|
anything bad about your uh your partner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No no you know we're not partners. I only get twenty-five percent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Twenty-five percent? It was your idea. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yap I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You're doing all the leg work.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: That's right<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: He's ripping you off<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: You're right he's ripping me off<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: If anybody should be getting more it's you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: He's ripping me off<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well don't let him take advantage of you like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: YAH! (exits)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: (coming out of the back-room noticing George) Oh it's you? You're
|
|
the one who sold me the moth ridden cabana crap.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Morty coming out of the bathroom)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You know I've been thinking, why is Kramer getting twenty-five
|
|
percent?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Well he told you about the place.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: So what, why is that worth twenty-five percent? It's a finders
|
|
fee. You know what a finders fee is? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: You find something you get a fee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Finder's fee is ten percent and no more.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Well it's too late now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Those are my coats. I saved them, I stored them, I've been waiting
|
|
years for this pay off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Well you're not gonna say anything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer enters)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I've been thinking about something.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Ya so have I<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Ahh! I don't think the deal is fair.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You don't think it's fair.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No no, I found the place, I set the whole thing up, I'm doing
|
|
all the leg work.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What leg work?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, there's leg work.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: If anything you're getting too much.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Too much?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: That's right, they're my coats.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Look I want thirty-five percent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I'm thinking more like fifteen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No way I'm taking fifteen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Well you're not getting thirty-five.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Alright let's compromise. Twenty-five percent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Ok it's a deal<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(They shack hands.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Rudy's Antique Boutique]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Moths are a discourage to my business, all it takes is one moth
|
|
to lay eggs. You know what happens to the larvae? They hatch and they're
|
|
everywhere. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I'm sorry, umm he-here's your money back (gives Rudy the money
|
|
back) I-I-I'll have the clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: (counting the money to make sure it's all there) It's already put
|
|
a dent in my fumigation bill.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So uh where are the clothes? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: I burned 'em.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh. That's good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry and Elaine sitting in the booth)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: N-I know they're your parents Jerry an' they're very nice people.
|
|
But don't you think it's odd, that a thirty-five year old man is going
|
|
to these lengths to see that someone else's parents are enjoying themselves?
|
|
I mean don't you find that abnormal?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: It is a tad askew. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I mean they're your parents and you don't do anything. So why
|
|
is this stranger doing it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I've hardly been out to dinner with them.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: See, See, I can't even say anything you know because all he's
|
|
really doing is being nice but but nobody is this nice, this is like certifiably
|
|
nice. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You're right he's insane.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yes, he's insane, that's what I think. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So what are you going to do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I don't know, I don't know what to do. (sighs) Oh god.... so how
|
|
was the movie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh from what I saw it was pretty good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ya what do you mean from what you saw?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well I um I didn't ah actually get to see the whole movie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yea why not?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I was kind of um (pauses) making out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (thinks for a second) You were making, out during Schindler's
|
|
List?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I couldn't help it. We hadn't been alone in a long time, it just
|
|
got the better of me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: During Schindler's List?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (trying to justify it) We're both living with our parents. <br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd06 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Did anybody see you? Did anyone say anything?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No I don't think so. I saw Newman as I was leaving but see me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(A knock at the door prior to the reveal of Jerry's apartment; Morty is
|
|
sitting at the table Helen closes the refrigerator to answer the door;
|
|
Newman is revealed in his full Newman)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Hello Mrs. Seinfeld<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (like Jerry) Hello, Newman. Jerry's not here. (goes to shut the
|
|
door on him)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Uh ah (stops her from closing the door; walks in) Having a nice
|
|
trip? (walks over, grabs a junior mint, smells it then puts it in his
|
|
pocket)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Wonderful, we went to the theater last night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Oh the theater. Because I was wondering.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Wondering what?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Why I didn't see you at Schindler's List with Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Well we already saw it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Oh, well it's a good thing for Jerry that you didn't go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (getting up from the table and coming over) Why is that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Well he really seemed to have his hands full if you know what
|
|
I mean.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I'm afraid I don't.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Him and his little buxom friend Rachel were going at it pretty
|
|
good in the balcony.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: What, do I have to spell it out for ya? He was moving on her like
|
|
the storm-troopers into Poland.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Jerry was necking during Schindler's List?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Yes! A more offensive spectacle I cannot recall. Anyway I just
|
|
really came up to get some detergent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Jerry sends his laundry out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (laughing) Oh ho right. Well very nice seeing you folks and a
|
|
by the way you didn't hear this from me. Tata (runs down the hallway laughing)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Helen closes the door and looks at Morty in disgust)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment-Later that day]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry enters; Morty is sitting on the couch writing, Helen is in the
|
|
bathroom)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hi (takes off his coat and puts it on the counter at which point
|
|
his parents are both right by him as he goes into the refrigerator. He
|
|
grabs a drink then turns around to see his parents right there) What?
|
|
What did I do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: How could you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: How could I what?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: You were making out during Schindler's List?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What? No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Don't lie Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (turns) Newman. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: How could you do such a thing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I couldn't help it. We hadn't been alone together in a long time
|
|
and we just kinda started up a little during the coming attractions and
|
|
the next thing we knew, the war was over.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Morty and Helen both sigh and turn to go back to what they were doing;
|
|
Phone rings)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (answering the phone) Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jack in Florida with a bandage on his right hand)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Hello Jerry, it's Jack Klompus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hang on a second. (handing Morty the phone) Dad it's Klompus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Hello<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Hello Morty, listen that key doesn't work. It's no good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You didn't get in?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Oh I got in, I had to break the window with a rock and then I got
|
|
my hand all cut up reaching in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You broke the window?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: He broke the window?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: You wanted those damn boxes didn't you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DORIS: (off camera) He should be on his hands and knees thanking you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Did you send them?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Yea, they'll be there tomorrow afternoon, two o'clock.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Tomorrow afternoon?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Tomorrow afternoon?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Tomorrow afternoon?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I told you to send them express.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: W-well it was ten dollars cheaper in the afternoon than the morning,
|
|
I figured what the hell's the difference.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: So what did you do about the window?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I gotta fix your window now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: All right all right. Goodbye. (Morty hangs up the phone, Jack hangs
|
|
up the phone) I don't think we are gonna make that flight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: W-what do you mean you're not making the flight?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: We have to make the flight, we're with a charter group. If we don't
|
|
the trip is off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Well what's the difference we'll go some place else.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry annoyed walks toward his room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Some place else? What about Paris?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You don't understand, I've come this far, I can't stop now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I can't believe that you're doing all this just to sell some stupid
|
|
raincoats.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You don't understand fashion is cyclical this thing could come
|
|
back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I think you're out of your mind. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Costanza House]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: I just don't understand how all those clothes can disappear. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Moths?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Moths, ate three boxes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well you know what happens with larvae hatch, they-they're everywhere.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: You know, I was thinking today. I never liked those Seinfelds
|
|
anyway, he's an idiot all together. (Knocking at the door) Ah there's
|
|
Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Estelle goes to answer the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (from outside) Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Hello<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (still outside) Helowwwowwow (Estelle opens the door) Hey (kisses
|
|
Estelle hello) Ha ha, Good evening (George waves)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Hope you're hungry. (goes into the kitchen)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Ooo Paella<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Hey uh let me take you're coat.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (giving George his coat) Oh ya thanks buddy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: That shirt, where'd you get that shirt?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Wha?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd07 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: That's my cabana shirt, you stole my shirt you son of a bitch!
|
|
(really fast) George you let your friends go up in my attic and steal
|
|
my clothes? (grabbing at the shirt) Gimme that back<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (trying to get away) woah <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Dad?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (laughs as Frank ends up tickling him; gets away) I bought it
|
|
from Rudy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Rudy?! That skunk, I knew he didn't burn those clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Who's Rudy? What clothes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I sold your clothes yesterday.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: You sold my clothes (smacks George on the forehead) what do you
|
|
mean you sold my clothes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I didn't think you wore them anymore.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: It's cruise wear!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Kramer, I love that shirt. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yaya<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S MINE!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: You look just like Frank, on our honeymoon. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, well, thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Estelle giggles)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Who's this Rudy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well Rudy's the guy buying Morty's raincoats.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Mory Seinfeld? He's a bum.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, the whole deal going down tomorrow. Morty's gonna miss his
|
|
plane for it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Missing his plane? Wasn't that a charter flight?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What happens to charter tickets when you don't use em?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well I suppose they are wasted.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yes I suppose they are.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Tomorrow I'm going straight down to this Rudy and get my clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: A mouse!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Frank starts making noises; Kramer and Frank both run to the other room
|
|
where they get stuff in between the door and wall; Frank hits Kramer to
|
|
get him in then closes the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry and George enter)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You want the tickets?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You're gonna take this kid to Paris?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Hey I get a free trip to Paris, I go in the Big Brother's Hall-of-Fame,
|
|
I mail my own postcards.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You know I'm paying for these tickets.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: It's alright, I got lunch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Airport]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer, Morty and Jerry standing at a luggage carousel)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, you should have gone to the Costanzas' for dinner. Mmm the
|
|
Payaya was magnificent. Have you ever had really good Paella?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Not really.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh it's a orgiastic feast for the senses. The want and the festival,
|
|
the sites, sounds, and colors an mmmummumm mumm<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey Dad are you sure we are at the right carousel?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: This is it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: So how much are we gonna make?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Take it easy, I've been through a million of these negotiations.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Wha two thousand? Three thousand?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: That's giving it away. This is a one of a kind item. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: More? More than three thousand?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Just watch me do my thing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Say Dad, (pointing at a raincoat sitting on the carousel next to
|
|
an open box) isn't that one of yours? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Look at this. Look at how this idiot packed it. He didn't tape
|
|
it, he just flipped the flaps. (Kramer, Morty and Jerry are looking around
|
|
grabbing raincoats which are scattered all over the place.) Kramer you
|
|
missed a couple.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: Bon-jour, welcome to the Gateway to Paris Charter Flight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (turns around noticing the Charter flight) Dad isn't that your
|
|
charter group?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George and Joey enter the scene getting in line for the Charter Flight)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Honesty, hard-work, these are the values that I was raised on.
|
|
The most important thing Joey, is to be able to look yourself in the mirror
|
|
before you go to sleep at night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Hey! I got news for you four eyes, there's no way you're staying
|
|
with us in Paris.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Joey walks by George to board the plane and puts his Gum on the wall.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Rudy's Antique Boutique]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: You burned them? Those clothes are not yours to burn.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Who are you anyways?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: I'm the father.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: He said his father was dead.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: He said I was dead?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: That's right. Squeezed an extra twenty-five dollars out of me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: That's what my life is worth to him? Twenty-five dollars.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer and Morty enter with a bunch of raincoats)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey, Frank!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Oh, I just want to you know I'm retracting our dinner invitation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Well you don't have to retract it because we never went.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: I'm retracting that it was ever offered.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I retract your retraction.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Oh, you trying to unload some of that junk of yours?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Would you excuse me please, we're conducting business here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: You can keep your raincoats. I'm not interested.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I thought we had a deal?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: That's another one of my shirts!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: I'm not buying anymore clothes from anyone off the street.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Who's off the street? I'm in the raincoat business for thirty-five
|
|
years.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: Ya how do I know there aren't moths like his stuff?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: My clothes don't have moths!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Because of his moths you're not buying my raincoats?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RUDY: That's right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (laughing) I'm all ticklish. (a moth flies out of his shirt; they
|
|
all look at it)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Airport]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Morty and Helen with a couple bags; Jerry, Elaine and Aaron saying good-bye)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ANNOUNCEMENT: Flight-433 now boarding for Miami, Gate 18a. Flight-433
|
|
<!-- BeginAd08 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
now boarding.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Ok, let's go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (to Aaron) It was so nice of you to come to the airport to see
|
|
us off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: Are you sure you can't stay a little longer?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE & JERRY: NO.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Ah, good-bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry hugs Morty; Helen and Elaine give each other a kiss)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Good-bye<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Take care<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Alright Jer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Morty and Elaine hug; Jerry and Helen give each other a kiss)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Nice to see..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Buh bye Elaine<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Buh bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Buh bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Aaron torn by emotion moves in and gives Morty and Helen a hug a hug)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (looking at Jerry while being overly hugged by Aaron) We'll call
|
|
you when we get home.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: Thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I think she meant me, but.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Make sure Kramer uses good tape when he sends back the raincoats.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ok.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Morty and Helen go to board the plane)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Aaron begins to follow them)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Aaron? Aaron are you ok?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: I could've done more. I could've done so much more.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You did enough.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: (turning toward her) No, I could've called the travel agency, got
|
|
them on another flight to Paris, I coulda got them out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You tried Aaron, it was too expensive.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: (holds his arm up) This watch, this watch could've paid for their
|
|
whole trip. (holds his other hand up) This ring, this ring is one more
|
|
dinner I could've taken them out to. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other
|
|
like he's crazy) Water, they need some water (turns around and runs to
|
|
the Flight Agent)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Why?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
AARON: (to the Flight Agent) They'll get dehydrated on the plane! Get
|
|
the Seinfelds some water. Please! Please!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry and Elaine continue to look at him funny)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Rachel's Parents' Place]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry knocks on the door; Mr. Goldstein answers)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hi Mr. Goldstein is Rachel home?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. GOLDSTEIN: I'm afraid Rachel's not going to be able to see you tonight,
|
|
or any other night for that matter. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Why what did I do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. GOLDSTEIN: (Rachel is know seen behind her Dad) You know very well.
|
|
I heard about your behavior at the movies the other night it was disgraceful.
|
|
You should be ashamed of yourself, I for one will not allow my daughter
|
|
to be involved with someone of such weak moral fiber. Fortunately my postman
|
|
happened to have witnessed the entire incident. A heavy set fellow, I
|
|
believe he lives in your building. (Jerry turns to almost do a 'Newman')
|
|
Now if you don't mind. (starts to close the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Rachel! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. GOLDSTEIN: (closing the door on Jerry) Good night!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Rachel!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry and Elaine at the normal booth)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So my parents get home, they open the door, my father flicks the
|
|
light on, the whole place is cleaned out, everything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Aahh, (pushes Jerry from her seat at the table) Get Out! How did
|
|
it happen?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: The broken window, Klompus never fixed it. They just walked right
|
|
in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oohh, boy. They could use a vacation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yea they're taking one, the travel agent is trying to set something
|
|
else up for them.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (sighs) So how about that Aaron? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Whew<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You know what drove me crazy about him? Did you ever notice that
|
|
he stood too close to you when he talked?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No I hadn't noticed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Newman enters and walks by the table; Jerry doesn't notice him as he
|
|
is getting something out of his coat pocket)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (at the counter) Pair of bear claws please.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (hearing Newman turns and sees him) Hiya Newman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (moving away from the counter getting closer to the door) Hello
|
|
Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Say, I happened to catch you coming out of Schindler's List the
|
|
other night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Ohh, were you there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yes I was.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (looking scared) I-it's a it's a...powerful film.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yes, shocking brutality don't you think?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (couple quick breaths) Shocking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yes, well that was nothing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Newman makes a noise and takes off toward the door as Jerry gets up)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (running out the door) Jerry! Jerry!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry chases Newman right out the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Paris]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George is sitting at an outside eatery in France with Joey)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Where the hell is your father?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George smiles and waves at a girl sitting at another table; Joey puts
|
|
some stuff on George's glasses)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Cruise ship out in the Ocean]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Estelle and Frank walking around on the boat)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: This is the best thing we ever did.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: I just hope those exterminators know what they're doing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Ah forget about them let's just...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Frank and Estelle run into Morty and Helen)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Closing Monologue]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance,
|
|
ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about six feet
|
|
back don't you? Because people a little edgy around that ATM don't they?
|
|
They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other
|
|
place I wanna be about six feet away is Urinals, you want some distance
|
|
there too. ATMs and Urinals, I guess whenever someone's taking valuable
|
|
out of their pants you want to give them as much room as possible.
|
|
|
|
<p> </p>
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