1470 lines
60 KiB
HTML
1470 lines
60 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Secretary</h1>
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<p align="center">Transcribed by: Transcribed by Dan Coogan http://www.cooganphoto.com<br>
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Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site <br>
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<small>(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits
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as two lines above are included - Thanks)</small></p>
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<p><br>
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Episode 95<br>
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<br>
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
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Written by: Carol Leifer and Marjorie Gross<br>
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Directed by David Owen Trainer<br>
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
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Episode no. 95<br>
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pc: 609, season 6, episode 9<br>
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Broadcast date: December 8, 1994<br>
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
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The Cast<br>
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<br>
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Regulars:<br>
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Jerry Seinfeld....................... Jerry Seinfeld<br>
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Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza<br>
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes<br>
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Michael Richards.................. Cosmo Kramer<br>
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<br>
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Guest Stars:<br>
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<br>
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Vicki Lewis ................... Ade<br>
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Joseph R. Sicari .......... Willie<br>
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Arminae Azarian .......... Saleswoman<br>
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Mitzi McCall ................. Donna<br>
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Richard Marion ............. Guy<br>
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Thomas Mills ................ Moviegoer<br>
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Glynis McCants .......... Woman<br>
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Courtney Taylor .......... Attractive Applicant<br>
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rc: Steve Hytner ............ Kenny Bania<br>
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<br>
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Opening monologue.<br>
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<br>
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I don't even know what, what is supposed to be attractive about fur?<br>
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Why does a man want to see a woman in a fur? Men want women to shave<br>
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their legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows and then before
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we<br>
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go out, we dress them up like a bear.<br>
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<br>
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To me the only reason to wear fur, would be if you were trying to sneak<br>
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up on another animal. Did you ever see those tribal hunters where they<br>
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wear the fur and then they had the other animals, head on top of their<br>
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head? You know I’m sure there's a moose looking at that going, “Yeah,<br>
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that looks real good. Yeah, I’m gonna turn my back on this goof ball<br>
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with the extra head. Because there's nothing fishy going on there.<br>
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I’ll just keep drinking from the stream. I've seen a lot of two-headed<br>
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tigers with knees.”<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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Commercial<br>
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<br>
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Opening scene.<br>
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Exterior of a Dry Cleaners -- then inside where Jerry and George are<br>
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talking, Jerry is holding a few items, waiting to drop them off to be<br>
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dry cleaned.<br>
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<br>
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George: Well I am actually going to have a secretary and I get to do the<br>
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interview.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: That's incredible. Six months ago you were taking messages for<br>
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your mother.<br>
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<br>
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George: Yeah, and now someone's going to be taking messages for me.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: From your mother.<br>
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<br>
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(George & Jerry turn and move closer to the counter as a few customers<br>
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leave the store.)<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: So this ah, woman you plan on hiring, is she going to be in the<br>
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“Spokes model” category?<br>
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<br>
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George: Sure. I could go the tomato route. But eh, I've given this a<br>
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lot of thought Jerry. All that frustration. I’ll never get any work<br>
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done. So I’m doing a complete 360. I’m going for total efficiency
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and<br>
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ability.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: That's a 180, George.<br>
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<br>
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George: Whatever.<br>
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<br>
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(Jerry turns and walks up to the counter. George wonders about the<br>
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lobby area)<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Hi Willie.<br>
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<br>
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Willie: Hey Jerry. <br>
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<br>
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Jerry: I got this stuff and ah my mother's fur coat for storage.<br>
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<br>
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Willie: What are you doing with it?<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Ah, she keeps it in my apartment for when she comes up from<br>
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Florida.<br>
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<br>
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Donna: Hi.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Hi.<br>
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<br>
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Willie: Hey Jerry, you know my wife “Donna”.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Yeah, that's why I said “hi”.<br>
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<br>
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(Donna smiles and walks away)<br>
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<br>
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Willie: Hey, nice jacket. (looking over the jacket)<br>
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|
<br>
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Jerry: Thanks. It's Hounds-Tooth.<br>
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<br>
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Willie: Whoa, this is a beauty. Great cut. It's probably very<br>
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flattering.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry: Oh yes, it really accentuates my bust line.<br>
|
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<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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New scene.<br>
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Daylight exterior shot of Yankee Stadium, then to George Costanza’s<br>
|
|
office where he is interviewing an attractive applicant for his<br>
|
|
secretary job.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Applicant: Well, I type about 90 words a minute. I’m completely<br>
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|
well-versed in all IBM and Macintosh programs.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (looking over her resume) Well Miss Coggins you're ah, obviously<br>
|
|
qualified for the job. You've all the necessary skills and experience.<br>
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|
But you're extremely attractive. you're gorgeous. I’m looking at
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|
you,<br>
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|
I can't even remember my name. So ah, I’m afraid this is not going
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|
to<br>
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|
work out (he crumples her resume into a ball) Thanks for coming in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(the camera is now back on the applicant's seat, but another even more<br>
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|
attractive woman is seated there)<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
George: You're luscious. You're ravishing. I would give up red meat<br>
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|
just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry. (both<br>
|
|
George and the attractive female applicant stand up as George reaches<br>
|
|
across the desk and shakes her hand for coming in)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
(A very plain looking applicant now sits across from george)<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
Ade: As you can see my references are impeccable. I think I’d be
|
|
a real<br>
|
|
asset here. My only concern is, I do take care of my mother. So will<br>
|
|
there be any late nights?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I can't imagine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Exterior shot of Jerry's apartment, then inside where Elaine is holding<br>
|
|
a garment bag and talking with Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Ok, So Barney’s is having this huge sale. I try this dress
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on<br>
|
|
-- (holds the garment bag out towards Jerry) -- Stunning. Stunning. I<br>
|
|
couldn't take my eyes off myself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: OK, so then I put it on at home. It looks like I’m carrying<br>
|
|
twins.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So you're saying, Store -- Hotsy-Totsy, Home-- Hotsy-Notsy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yeah exactly. Anyway I've got to go over there and return it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I thought we were going to the movies?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<br>
|
|
Elaine: All right I’ll try it on again. You tell me what you think.<br>
|
|
(she turns and goes into the bedroom to change clothes)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George Enters)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hey hey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Hey George<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hey Elaine. (George hangs up his raincoat next to the door) I’m<br>
|
|
telling you Jerry, having a secretary is incredible. (George claps<br>
|
|
hands) I don't know why I didn’t have one before.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Because you didn’t have a job?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Perhaps. (hehe) I walk in, everything is organized -- messages,<br>
|
|
appointments. And I can't tell you how proud I am of myself for going<br>
|
|
with Ade.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: A lesser man would have crumbled. They would have gone for the<br>
|
|
“dish” and the sure fire sexual-harassment suit.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine walks back into the living room, modeling the dress, arms<br>
|
|
extended straight out from her sides, elbows bent, with the look on her<br>
|
|
face that says, huh ... what do you think? -- She walks towards George<br>
|
|
and Jerry)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It's a little ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: All Right! (throws arms down) You answered it right there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You got no waist in that thing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You arms look like something hanging in a kosher deli.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I said, All Right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well wha’d you buy it for?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Why did I buy it, because in the mirror, at Barney’s, I looked<br>
|
|
fabulous. This woman was just walking by said I looked like Demi Moore<br>
|
|
in Indecent Proposal.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How fast was she walking?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine heads for the bedroom to change out of the dress, turns and<br>
|
|
looks at Jerry)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Demi? I thought it was Demi?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No. I think it's Demi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Really? I never heard of a semi tractor-trailer. (Jerry nods<br>
|
|
in agreement)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine walks back in, still in the dress)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Wait a minute (claps hands) Wait a minute. I know what's going<br>
|
|
on here. Skinny Mirrors! (she pushes George and Jerry in their<br>
|
|
respective chests, with her arms extended -- one arm for each of them
|
|
--<br>
|
|
they recoil with surprise)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Skinny Mirrors! Barney’s has Skinny Mirrors, they make you<br>
|
|
look, like, 10 pounds lighter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, you're crazy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Am I? (hands on hips) Do you think I would have bought this<br>
|
|
dress if I looked like this at Barney’s?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (to Jerry, as Jerry nods in agreement) You know I think she<br>
|
|
might have something there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer enters, seeing Elaine -- his head and upper body lurches<br>
|
|
backwards)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Whoa. What are you all dressed up for?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Oh I’m returning this dress to Barney’s.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Good idea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Do it tomorrow. Well go to the movies.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yeah yeah, ok.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey look, if you're going there, maybe you could pick me up some<br>
|
|
of this super hydrating, it's a total-protection moisturizer with Uva.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Moisturizer? That's girls stuff.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No no, look. I’ll tell you what -- they're having a sale
|
|
right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I’ll meetcha down there, well have lunch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Well we could ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, we’ll get to know each other. We never get to spend
|
|
any<br>
|
|
time together. Oh sure we have our little group here, but ... (he looks<br>
|
|
and gestures out towards George and Jerry, as Elaine walks back into<br>
|
|
the bedroom to change out of the dress -- Kramer scratches his head in<br>
|
|
sort of disbelief)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Daylight exterior shot of Yankee Stadium, then to George Costanza’s<br>
|
|
office, he stands in front of a wall calendar, as Ade, his new secretary<br>
|
|
takes down notes as to what George is saying.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: And then assuming the strike is resolved, on April 14th, we, ah,<br>
|
|
play the Angels. So let’s clear a floor at the Anaheim Hotel.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Anaheim Hotel. (George picks up a container of chinese food from<br>
|
|
the credenza) You may want to reconsider. I believe they only have<br>
|
|
room service until 10 P.M. and then it's only finger foods.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Ade, you're a wonder. (he he -- george laughs)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: OK, now I projected some of those figures for you regarding the<br>
|
|
switch to Canola oil for the stadium popcorn and surprisingly it will<br>
|
|
only come to 1/2 a cent more per bag, so it is definitely doable.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Ade, I have to tell you, I, I have never met anybody so ...<br>
|
|
efficient.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Well thank you, I’m flattered.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I mean you're just, you're just a marvel of organization.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Well I’m just, hm, doing my job.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: It's like I’m thinking of something, and you're (snaps fingers)<br>
|
|
one step ahead of me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: What can I say? I’m ... I’m good at what I do. (smiling
|
|
and<br>
|
|
quietly laughing proudly)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (coyly, he looks down and runs his finger along the top of the<br>
|
|
chair back in front of him) Do you, uh ... do you know what I’m ...<br>
|
|
thinking about now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: (thinking about the question, she stops writing) Yes, I think I<br>
|
|
do. (she turns her head slowly and looks directly at him)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Is it, uh, doable?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: It's definitely doable.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Ade throws her note pad and pencil in to the air, along with her<br>
|
|
glasses. George grabs his glasses and takes them from his face and<br>
|
|
throws them on the couch as he and Ade embrace in a frantic kiss and<br>
|
|
slither down to the floor between the desk and the couch -- the camera<br>
|
|
cannot see them on the floor)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Outside a movie theater (The Paragon) Jerry and Elaine have exited the<br>
|
|
theater and are walking slowly and then stop to talk, as other movie<br>
|
|
goers leave the theater behind them - in the background, there is a line<br>
|
|
of people waiting to buy tickets for the next show.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, that was the worst.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I can’t believe they made the Wife the killer. (putting on<br>
|
|
gloves) Gimme a break.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man: (waiting in line for tickets, he overhears Elaine) Hey, give us a<br>
|
|
break. We haven't seen it yet. Thanks a lot big mouth!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Another man: (waiting in line, closer to the box office) Yeah! (in<br>
|
|
agreement with the other guy)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer rushes up to Elaine and Jerry)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: You got a pen?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, I think I do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: And I need something to write on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, all I got is my dry-cleaning stub.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I gust met Uma Therman. She's giving me her telephone number.<br>
|
|
Uma Jerry, Uma.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Uma Therman? Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Elaine: How'd you manage that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah well I don't have any time to talk now. (he rushes back<br>
|
|
into the theater)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: He's got the Kavorca. (looking towards the theater door, Jerry<br>
|
|
notices one of the movie goers) Hey, isn't that Willie, my dry-cleaner?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Where?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: He just went in. You know, I think he was wearing my<br>
|
|
Hounds-Tooth jacket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What would he be doing wearing your jacket?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It looked just like the jacket I brought in to be dry-cleaned.<br>
|
|
He complimented me on it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Are you sure?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer walks up, smiling gleefully)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I got it. Uma, Uma, Uma. (looking at the ticket)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: You are amazing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, all right. Taxi's on me. (he walks off camera)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Exterior shot of Yankee Stadium at dusk and then to George Costanza’s<br>
|
|
office. [moaning] George and Ade are struggling to kneel and undress<br>
|
|
while kissing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Ah no no no no no. A better way to reach the bra would be to undo<br>
|
|
the jacket, then go around the back of the shirt.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Ade you are incredible<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(as he unbuttons her jacket, they fall to the floor again -- the camera<br>
|
|
cannot see them between the desk and the couch -- we see over George's<br>
|
|
desk, keyboard, manila folders and then we see Ade’s shoe in the
|
|
air<br>
|
|
above the desk)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Oh ...oh ...oh ... Here, I want to show you something. Hand me<br>
|
|
that pillow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(we see George's head and arm above the desk ridge, he grabs a pillow<br>
|
|
from the couch and hands it to Ade. Her arm pulls him back down to her<br>
|
|
on the ground)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What? Oh, My God!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Mr. CO STAN ZA!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Ade, ahh, ahh, ah ... I’m giving you a raise!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Exterior shot of the restaurant (Monks) then inside. George and Jerry<br>
|
|
are sitting in the normal booth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So you're having sex and then all of a sudden, you just blurt out<br>
|
|
“I’m giving you a raise.”<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Just a quick sidebar here -- are you in anyway authorized to give<br>
|
|
raises?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Not that I’m aware of, no.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So you're so grateful to have sex, that you'll just shout out<br>
|
|
anything that comes into your head.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I didn’t think ahead.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well maybe she'll just think it was bawdy talk.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I didn’t say any other bawdy things.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Maybe you could have sex with her again and then take it back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: All right, you know you're not any help at all here. I don't<br>
|
|
know what even the point is of talking to you anymore.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(they stand up from their seats at the booth)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: All right, all right. I’m sorry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah, well, I guess the only thing I can do is go into George<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner’s office and tell him he has to give her a raise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How long has she been there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: 3 days.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It's almost a week.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry picks up several items of clothing from the booth, in their<br>
|
|
dry-cleaning bags -- He is wearing his Hounds-Tooth jacket. George and<br>
|
|
Jerry walk over to the cash register to pay for lunch. At the register,<br>
|
|
Jerry reaches into his Hounds-Tooth jacket pocket, he pulls out a movie<br>
|
|
stub)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, My god.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It's a movie stub from the 9:30 show. George, I think Willie the<br>
|
|
dry-cleaner has been wearing my clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Commercial<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Exterior shot of Barney’s department store, street scene with store<br>
|
|
windows. Then inside to Elaine, Kramer and the Barney’s sales<br>
|
|
associate -- they stand in the women's clothing dept. (Zelda is the name<br>
|
|
of the clothing line on the wall), outside of the dressing room area.<br>
|
|
Elaine is wearing the dress she plans on returning.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: These mirrors are skinny mirrors. This is false ...<br>
|
|
reflecting. And I think, that the department of ... you know, whatever,<br>
|
|
would be very interested to know what's going on here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: Well, we're more than happy to exchange
|
|
it for<br>
|
|
something else.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: OK fine. (smiling) I did like that little Calvin Klein number<br>
|
|
right by the elevator. You know the little ... (motions in the<br>
|
|
direction of the elevator)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: I’ll bring it to your dressing room.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Ok thanks so much. (the Barney’s sales associate turns and
|
|
walks<br>
|
|
away. Elaine turns to Kramer as he admires himself in the mirror) What<br>
|
|
are you all dressed up for?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well Elaine, when you're shopping on Madison Avenue, you don't<br>
|
|
want to skip on the, swank.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I like your little bag.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Huh, oh hey, look at this. (he pulls a little tube out of the<br>
|
|
bag) It's the super hydrating, triple-action moisturizer, hmm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer opens the moisturizer and squeezes some onto his palm)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Wait till that Uma smells this Uva.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine walks away into the dressing from area. Kenny Bania enters the<br>
|
|
clothing dept.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Hey Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey Bania, what's happening? (Kramer, looking into the mirror,<br>
|
|
is putting moisturizer under his eyes)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: I’m looking for a new suit. I can’t find anything I like.<br>
|
|
That's a nice suit. (admiring Kramer’s suit)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Did you get that here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No, this is vintage. They don't make this stuff anymore.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: You're telling me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I sure am.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: It's hard for me to find pants that --<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: (interrupting Bania) That don't make you look high-waisted.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Yes<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Me too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: What size are you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Uh, 42.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: 42, That's what I am now. I've been working out, I’m huge.<br>
|
|
How'd you like to sell it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: make me an offer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Bania: 100 Bucks<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Surely you jest. (walks away from Bania)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: 175<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Look at the stitching (takes the jacket off to show Bania) This<br>
|
|
is old world craftsmanship.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: 300 dollars.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Sold. Follow me into the dressing room.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: You throw the shirt in?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Bania, you're killing me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Hey that's the women's dressing room.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: There's nothing in there that I haven't seen before.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Daylight exterior shot of Yankee Stadium (Louisville Slugger) then to<br>
|
|
George Steinbrenner’s office. The camera is behind Steinbrenner,<br>
|
|
looking towards the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (Opens the door, looks in and then knocks 5 times) Mr.<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner, (waves) can I talk to you for a second?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: Yes yes George. Can you talk to me for a second? Of<br>
|
|
course you can -- I’m a very accessible man. I just wanted to say<br>
|
|
you're doing great work on that Canola oil stuff.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Well, you know, to be honest sir -- my, my new secretary Ade,<br>
|
|
came up with that one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: Ade, Ade, I like that name George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: She supports her whole family. (walking slowly into the room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: Is that a fact George?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yes, In fact, her mother is in the hospital right now. It's<br>
|
|
some kind of a Diverticulitis. (he continues walking slowly towards<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner’s desk)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: I had a bout of that myself one time -- knocked me right<br>
|
|
on my ass.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: She can’t even afford to go out to lunch. She's been eating
|
|
in<br>
|
|
a high school cafeterias She pretends to be a teacher. It's pathetic.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: What's that cost her, like, two and a quarter? ($2.25)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You know what I was just thinking -- she could really use a<br>
|
|
raise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Telephone rings -- Steinbrenner reaches for the receiver)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: You know, she'd be better off making a sandwich at home<br>
|
|
and bringing it in. (picks up the telephone hand set) Hello, ah, George<br>
|
|
will you excuse me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Daylight exterior shot of Barney’s department store windows, with<br>
|
|
traffic driving by -- then to Elaine in the dressing room -- she is<br>
|
|
almost done dressing in the Calvin Klein dress.<br>
|
|
Kramer climbs up the wall of his dressing room adjacent to Elaine's --<br>
|
|
we see his head, top of his bare chest, arm and both hands over the top<br>
|
|
of Elaine's’ dressing room wall -- he is looking down at her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Psst. Hey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine is startled and tries to cover her top, which is mostly covered<br>
|
|
from the dress she is putting on)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Kramer, what are you doing here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Listen, I need you to get me some clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, I just sold my suit to Bania for a cool three-hundred.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: So go buy a new one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What, at this place? It would destroy my whole profit margin.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: So.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Listen do me a favor -- just call Jerry, tell him to bring me<br>
|
|
some clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Ouhhh (Kramer disappears back behind his wall as Elaine opens<br>
|
|
the dressing room door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Exterior shot of the Dry Cleaners store front, then to the interior --<br>
|
|
Jerry enters as a female customer is leaving the counter with her<br>
|
|
dry-cleaning .<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hello, Willie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Hey, Jerry. You dropping off?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, but ah, seen any good movies lately?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: You came by to ask that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah. Specifically 9:30 shows. Seen any good 9:30 shows at the<br>
|
|
Paragon, Willie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: What are you gettin at?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I saw you the other night stepping out with my Hounds-Tooth<br>
|
|
jacket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Jerry that's a breach of the dry-cleaner’s code.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You need a code to tell you not to wear peoples’ clothes<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: I wasn't wearing your jacket. Jerry you're imagining things.<br>
|
|
(he makes the circular motion next to his ears - the international<br>
|
|
symbol for “insane”)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeahhh, am I imagining this? (he whips out the movie stub and<br>
|
|
holds it up to Willie) Found this little cutie in the pocket. (throws<br>
|
|
the stub on the counter)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, Yeah. Well, now that we understand each other -- I’ll
|
|
be<br>
|
|
taking my business elsewhere. And I want my mother's fur coat back too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Jerry, come on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Now? (Willie looks off with his eyes to his left -- he is<br>
|
|
thinking about his wife Donna)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Shot of Donna wearing the fur coat, standing at a hot dog stand, eating<br>
|
|
a hot dog)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah. I want that coat. (Jerry opens his wallet, looking for<br>
|
|
the dry-cleaning ticket)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Well ... ahh. (apprehensively)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Where's that ticket? Oh, Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Wait, you, you mean to tell me you don't have a ticket for the<br>
|
|
coat?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, not on me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Well, I, I need to see that ticket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Why? I've got my cleaning before without a ticket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Willie: Yeah, but this is different. Those fur storage warehouses are<br>
|
|
huge. You can’t, get anything without a number.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: All right, I’ll be back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Elaine inside Barney’s, she stands in front of a full length mirror.<br>
|
|
The sales associate behind her, giving advice on the dress.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Yeah it looks good here, but what does that mean?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: So, uh, do you want it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I don't know, I have to think about it. (the sales associate<br>
|
|
walks away) I need a nonpartisan mirror.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine looks around, like she is trying not to be noticed and walks out<br>
|
|
of the clothing dept.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Daytime exterior of Yankee Stadium, then inside to George Costanza’s<br>
|
|
office.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: I can’t thank you enough, Mr. Costanza. I’m so grateful<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yes, well, I sat down with Mr. Steinbrenner. I told him you<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
have been doing great work. I said that you deserved a raise, and if<br>
|
|
you didn’t get it, that I, was leaving. (motions with both arms in
|
|
a<br>
|
|
circular motion to his right)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: It was just so generous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh, well, don't worry about it -- he's got plenty of money.<br>
|
|
(spins his chair away from her)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Oh I know, but Twenty Five Thousand.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: (spins his chair back to face her) So you got a $25,000 a year<br>
|
|
raise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Yes, I tell you, Mr. Steinbrenner...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You're making more than I am.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: I am?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What are you doing? You're making more than I am. A secretary<br>
|
|
cannot make more than her boss.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Ade: Well apparently they can.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Elaine, in the Calvin Klein dress, is walking outside along the<br>
|
|
sidewalk, snow along the curb and store fronts -- It's obvious she is<br>
|
|
cold without a coat. She checks out her reflection in a florist's<br>
|
|
window, then stops at the Love, Health & Beauty Aids store, where
|
|
the<br>
|
|
reflection is more like a mirror in the alcove of the store.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Oh, this is insanity. I’m not this hippie. (meaning her hips<br>
|
|
are not that large)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(a man exits the store)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Hey, what do you think of this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man: (with disbelief): You'll never pull it off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Barney’s Department store, inside the dressing room area, a customer<br>
|
|
knocks on the door where Kramer is waiting for Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Female customer: Hey, what's going on in there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry enters the women's clothing dept.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (to the Barney’s sales associate) Excuse me, could you tell
|
|
me<br>
|
|
where I could find, like, women's moisturizer lotions?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Female customer walks up to the Barney’s sales associate that Jerry
|
|
was<br>
|
|
just talking to)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Female customer: This woman has been in there for over an hour.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(The Barney’s sales associate walks into the dressing room area and
|
|
up<br>
|
|
to the dressing room door where Kramer is waiting for Jerry)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: Excuse me Miss., Is everything ok in there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: [Yeah] (through the door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry hears Kramer and walks into the dressing room door)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh, Jerry, you got my clothes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What clothes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Didn’t Elaine call you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well what are you doing here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What am I doing here? You're in the women's dressing room. I<br>
|
|
need that ticket stub back so I can get my mother's fur coat out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Oh, the stub, yeah. I left it in my, my pants<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Where are your pants?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, I sold them to Bania.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What? You sold your pants to Bania. Let me in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Kramer opens the door, Jerry goes in the dressing room. Kramer is<br>
|
|
standing there in his white boxer shorts and no shirt)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Why'd you sell your pants to Bania?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: ouhhh -- I had Uma Therman’s number written on that stub.
|
|
I<br>
|
|
lost Uma’s number.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Where are your clothes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I told you I sold them to Bania.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You mean what you were wearing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How'd you expect to get out of here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, I didn’t think ahead.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine reenters the Barney’s clothing dept., rubbing her arms because<br>
|
|
he is cold. The sales associate is also coming back from the dressing<br>
|
|
rooms. Elaine sees her, and quickly stands next to the register counter<br>
|
|
and tries to act like she has been there for a while.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: This isn't going to work for me ... so if you could show me<br>
|
|
something else.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: No?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: No, because you're taking that one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: I am?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: Yes. Because you wore it out of the store.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Ha! That's preposterous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: I suppose that salt stain came from all
|
|
the<br>
|
|
snow in the store.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine looks down and gathers the dress at the salt stain)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Barney’s sales associate: Shall I wrap it or will you wear it out?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: No. You can wrap it. (Dejected. Elaine puts her head down and<br>
|
|
her hand to her forehead as she walks into the dressing room area)<br>
|
|
Kramer, are you still in there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: [Elaine]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Bania enters the dressing room area)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Elaine, where's Kramer?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Bania?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I’m going out. (he comes out of the dressing room, while Kramer<br>
|
|
remains inside)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Bania.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Kramer, I want my money back for this suit. You're nancy-boy<br>
|
|
cream leaked all over the pockets -- Suits ruined.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well you're not getting any money back. (Kramer opens the<br>
|
|
door) Jerry, come back in here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (to Bania) Excuse me. (he goes back in the dressing room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Uma’s number is on that ticket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Never mind Uma, I need that ticket to get my mother's fur coat<br>
|
|
back. Why don't you just give him the money for the suit?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I’m not going to give him $300 now for a suit with moisturizer<br>
|
|
cream all over it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I got an idea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I can’t believe I’m gonna do this. (Jerry opens the door
|
|
and<br>
|
|
exits the dressing room. He walks over to Bania)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Bania can I talk to you for a second? How's everything going?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Pretty good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, well, see the thing of it is, I’m in a bit of an awkward<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
position here. Because, uhh, I don't want to get in between you two<br>
|
|
guys but ... I need a dry-cleaning ticket that's in the pocket of those<br>
|
|
pants.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Well all you gotta do is tell Kramer to give me my money back,<br>
|
|
and you'll get your ticket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, yeah all right, well uh ... tell you what I will do Bania<br>
|
|
-- you give me the ticket, and uh, I will take you out for a nice<br>
|
|
dinner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Can we go back to Mendy’s?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You want to go to Mendy’s, I’ll take you to Mendy’s.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Twice? I wanna go twice.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: all right let’s be reasonable, Bania. I’m taking you
|
|
out for a<br>
|
|
nice dinner. All I want is a little ticket in that pocket. I think<br>
|
|
it's a pretty good deal.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Two Mendy’s.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: . . . All right (gritting teeth) Just give me the ticket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Here you go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Ohh ... (takes the ticket and heads for the dressing room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Exterior of yankee Stadium (Louisville Slugger) then to George<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner’s office. George Costanza stands pleading his case.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: But Mr. Steinbrenner, how can I be expected to perform my job<br>
|
|
properly, knowing that my uh, subordinate is making more money than I<br>
|
|
am? With all due respect sir, it's outta whack.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: Uh huh, I understand what you're saying George and I know<br>
|
|
what it's like to be financially strapped. When I was a young man in<br>
|
|
Cleveland I use to hitchhike to work. One time I got picked up by a<br>
|
|
bakery truck. You think that stuff smells good? Try being cooped up in<br>
|
|
the back of one of those babies.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George starts to back away from the desk)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: I couldn't look at a donut for the next two years. Well<br>
|
|
not that I was ever one for the sweets.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(George turning around, nodding and making hand gestures, walking slowly<br>
|
|
towards the door, his hand gestures get progressively wider eventually<br>
|
|
to full arms extended upwards)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner: Sure I like a cup cake every now and then, like everybody<br>
|
|
else. You know I like it when they have a little cream on the inside,<br>
|
|
it's a surprise. That's good, plus the chocolate ones are good too.<br>
|
|
Sometimes I just can’t even make up my mind. A lot of times I’ll
|
|
mix<br>
|
|
the two together, make a vanilla fudge.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
Jerry stands outside the Barney’s dressing room door that Kramer
|
|
is<br>
|
|
waiting in. Jerry quickly knocks on the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Let me in, it's me. (Kramer opens the door, Jerry goes in the<br>
|
|
dressing room) Here. You don't know what this is costing me. (hands<br>
|
|
Kramer the ticket)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: (closes the door) All right, nice work. (he looks at the ticket,<br>
|
|
flips it over, and then over again) Where's Uma’s number? The<br>
|
|
moisturizer smudged out the phone number.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (Takes the ticket back and looks at it, flips it over) The<br>
|
|
dry-cleaning numbers are gone too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: (grabs the ticket back and holds it up to the light) It must<br>
|
|
have been the botanical extracts.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: (grabs the ticket back) Give me that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry Opens the door and walks into the clothing dept., while Bania is<br>
|
|
walking towards the exit of the clothing dept.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey Bania, the dinners off. The ticket's no good. The numbers<br>
|
|
are all smudged out. (holds out the ticket and hands it to Bania)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: (looking at the ticket then quickly looks up at Jerry) You trying<br>
|
|
to get out of Mendy’s? you can’t do that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: The ticket is worthless.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: You promised me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Jerry makes a smudged up face -- he knows he cannot get out of the<br>
|
|
deal. Bania turns and walks quickly out of the clothing department.<br>
|
|
Jerry sees a woman from the back walking into the dressing room area.<br>
|
|
She has a fur coat on and is carrying a few items over her arm to try<br>
|
|
on)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey, Isn't that my mother's fur coat?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Elaine stands at the register counter, now she wears her own clothes.<br>
|
|
The Calvin Klein dress rests across the counter -- she watches as Jerry<br>
|
|
follows the woman into the dressing room area. Jerry stands in front of<br>
|
|
the door where she went into, listens for a half second and then pushes<br>
|
|
the door open, as she has not had an opportunity to latch it yet -- It<br>
|
|
is Donna, the dry-cleaners wife -- she is stunned, startled and taken<br>
|
|
aback ...)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Donna: No it's not. (the coat)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It is! (Jerry walks forcefully into the dressing room and closes<br>
|
|
the door) Give me that back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Donna: No, what are you talking about.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(The camera pans down to the bottom of the dressing room door, so all<br>
|
|
you see is Jerry and Donna's scuffling feet and lower legs, as Jerry<br>
|
|
takes the coat from her.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Donna: Are you out of your mind? Don't you ... take your hands ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You can’t have that coat, it's not yours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Donna opens the door -- the camera pans back up to eye level as she<br>
|
|
walks out, kind of indignant. She places her long purse strap over her<br>
|
|
Left shoulder)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What do you think the dry-cleaner’s is your own personal closet!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
(Donna walks over to where Elaine is still standing at the register<br>
|
|
counter)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
** Continuity Error -- as she walks up to Elaine, Donna is now holding<br>
|
|
her long purse strap in her right hand only, then switches it to her<br>
|
|
left hand and puts the strap over her left shoulder. The purse hangs<br>
|
|
below her left hip. She just had placed the long purse strap over her<br>
|
|
shoulder as she left the dressing room area walking away from Jerry. **<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: Donna, do you think you can get the salt stain out of this?<br>
|
|
(Holding the bottom of the Calvin Klein dress out)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Donna: Let me see. (Looking at the stain) Piece of cake. Bring it<br>
|
|
in. (Holding the dress up by the hanger) What size is it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: (Tilts her head down, looking over her glasses in amazement of<br>
|
|
Donna's question)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
The camera fades from the previous scene to the winter sidewalk outside.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
L-R Kramer, Elaine and Jerry walk silently in the cold. Above their<br>
|
|
heads in the background is a sign that reads “KalSigns” -- I
|
|
believe<br>
|
|
this is an homage to Jerry's (real life) father that owned a sign<br>
|
|
company.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is wearing Jerry's mother's fur coat. It is obviously too small<br>
|
|
for his large frame -- the arms are way too short. The coat comes down<br>
|
|
to his mid thigh. He has no pants on. He wears shoes and white socks.<br>
|
|
He looks ridiculous, uncomfortable and cold.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine is wearing a long winter overcoat, carrying her Calvin Klein<br>
|
|
dress in a garment bag over her left arm. Jerry has both hands in the<br>
|
|
pockets of his winter jacket he is wearing a scarf that he had on<br>
|
|
earlier in the store.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer looks around as he walks along. He tries to button or close up<br>
|
|
the coat to the best of his ability, but nothing changes. As the scene<br>
|
|
ends, the fur coat opens slightly at the bottom and you can see his<br>
|
|
white boxer shorts (actually they look like jockey shorts, but earlier<br>
|
|
he had on boxers in the dressing room)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene.<br>
|
|
The camera fades from the previous scene to an exterior shot of Mendy’s<br>
|
|
Restaurant at dusk, then inside to Bania and Jerry dining at a table.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Mmm. This soup is great.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, it's very good. (reluctantly)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: I told you Mendy’s had the best pea soup. The best Jerry,
|
|
the<br>
|
|
best. Are you enjoying it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah. I’m having a wonderful time. (it's obvious he isn't)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Wait till you try the swordfish. You know Jerry, I was<br>
|
|
thinking. For our next meal, do you think we should come here ... or<br>
|
|
should we go someplace else? You know it has it's pros and cons. On the<br>
|
|
one hand, here, you're guaranteed a great meal. On the other hand --<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd06 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Jerry: (Interrupting Bania) Yeah, yeah I know. This would be good, but<br>
|
|
it would be the same. But if we go some place else, it would be<br>
|
|
different, but it might not be as good. It's a gamble. I get it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Yeah. Well, let’s hurry up and eat I gotta get out of here.
|
|
I’m<br>
|
|
meeting a woman for a drink.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, and who might that be?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Bania: Some woman named Uma. I got her number off of that ticket before<br>
|
|
it was smudged. Hope she's good-looking. (crosses his fingers in the<br>
|
|
air)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
New scene: Final monologue -- Jerry on stage.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: If you are a waitress and you ever see me in a restaurant, I’m<br>
|
|
telling you right now, I don't want to hear about the specials. I don't<br>
|
|
want to know about the specials. I’m sick of the specials. I hate
|
|
the<br>
|
|
specials. My feeling is, if the specials were so special, they'd be on<br>
|
|
the menu. You know what's special about them? They don't know if<br>
|
|
anybody likes them. They always have these overly creative descriptions<br>
|
|
of the specials too, you know. The veil is lightly slapped, and then<br>
|
|
sequestered in a one-bedroom suite with a white wine intravenous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
END<br>
|
|
</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p
|
|
align="center"> </p>
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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</div>
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<!-- content -->
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<div id="navBar">
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<div id="upperBox">
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript"
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src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
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</script>
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</div>
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<div class="leftnav"><br />
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<ul>
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<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
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<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
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<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
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<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<div>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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</div>
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</form>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p> </p>
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</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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|
}
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|
</script>
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|
</div>
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|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
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|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|
|
<!-- text below generated by server. PLEASE REMOVE -->
|
|
|
|
|
|
<!--webbot bot="HTMLMarkup" startspan TAG="XBOT" --><!--webbot bot="HTMLMarkup" endspan
|
|
-->
|
|
<script language="JavaScript">var PUpage="76001089"; var PUprop="geocities"; </script>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript"
|
|
src="http://www.geocities.com/js_source/pu5geo.js"></script>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript"
|
|
src="http://www.geocities.com/js_source/ygIELib9.js?v3"></script>
|
|
<script
|
|
language="JavaScript">var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001089&l=NE&b=1&t=1037840093';yviR='us';yfiEA(0);</script>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript"
|
|
src="http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mc/mc.js"></script>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript"
|
|
src="http://domainpending.com/js_source/geov2.js"></script>
|
|
<script language="javascript">geovisit();</script>
|
|
<noscript>
|