797 lines
40 KiB
HTML
797 lines
40 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Serenity Now</h1>
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</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
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Originally aired 10/9/97 9:00pm</p>
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<p>Transcript by Ethan Brown</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Written by Steve Koren</p>
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<p>Directed by Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld himself</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Cosmo Kramer Michael Richards</p>
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<p>George Costanza Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Frank Costanza Jerry Stiller</p>
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<p>Estelle Costanza Estelle Harris</p>
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<p>Patty Lori Loughlin</p>
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<p>Mr. Lippman Richard Fancy</p>
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<p>Lloyd Braun Matt McCoy</p>
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<p>Rabbi Bruce Mahler</p>
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<p>Adam Lippman Ross Malinger</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% The Costanzas are driving in the car.</p>
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<p>Frank: I got no leg room back here. Move your seat forward. </p>
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<p>Estelle: That's as far as it goes. </p>
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<p>Frank: There's a mechanism. You just pull it, and throw your body
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weight. </p>
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<p>Estelle: I pulled it. It doesn't go. </p>
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<p>Frank: If you want the leg room, say you want the leg room! Don't
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blame</p>
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<p>the mechanism! </p>
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<p>George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit</p>
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<p>sideways. </p>
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<p>Frank: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like
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an animal!</p>
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<p>Serenity now! Serenity now! </p>
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<p>George: What is that? </p>
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<p>Frank: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure
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gets</p>
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<p>too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'Serenity now!'
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</p>
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<p>George: Are you supposed to yell it? </p>
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<p>Frank: The man on the tape wasn't specific. </p>
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<p>George: What happened to the screen door? It blew off again? </p>
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<p>Estelle: I told you to fix that thing. </p>
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<p>Frank: Serenity nowww! </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Patty: So I told Bobby and Lisa that we'd try the new Chinese Spanish</p>
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<p>place La Caridad on Saturday.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, I thought we had tickets for the Knicks home opener.</p>
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<p>Patty: Well I thought this would be more fun so I gave the tickets
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away.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What? All right, fine.</p>
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<p>Patty: Are you mad at me?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I love a good Chinese Spanish whatever it is.</p>
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<p>Patty: You know... I've never seen you mad. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I get peeved. </p>
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<p>Patty: Mad. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Miffed. </p>
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<p>Patty: *Mad*. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Irked? </p>
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<p>Patty: I'd like to see you get *really* mad. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Why does she want you to be mad? </p>
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<p>Jerry: She says I suppress my emotions. </p>
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<p>George: So what do you care what she thinks. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Good body. </p>
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<p>George: She probably gets that impression because you're cool.</p>
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<p>You're under control. Like me. Nothing wrong with that. </p>
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<p>Jerry: But I get upset, I've yelled. You've heard me yell. </p>
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<p>George: Not really. Your voice kind of raises to this comedic</p>
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<p>pitch. (Kramer enters)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Kramer, I am so sick of you comin' in here and eatin' all
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my food.</p>
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<p>Now shut that door and get the hell out of here! </p>
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<p>Kramer: (Laughing) What is that, a new bit? </p>
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<p>George: I told ya. Hey, any of you guys want to come out and help
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me fix</p>
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<p>my father's screen door in Queens? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Sorry, I'm fixing a screen door in the Bronx. </p>
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<p>Kramer: I'll do it. </p>
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<p>George: Really? You wanna come? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, I love going to the country. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Where are they goin'?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Fix a screen door in Queens.</p>
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<p>Elaine: (Laughing) That's funny. Hey, listen, what are you doin'
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Saturday</p>
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<p>night?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Not goin' to the Knick game.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I need someone to go with me to Mr. Lippman's son's Bar
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Mitzvah.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You know, if you don't bring a guest they save a catering.
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You</p>
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<p>should be able to buy a cheaper gift.</p>
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<p>Elaine: (Taking out Boggle) Oh, I don't think that's possible.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: (Holding camera) Get in a little closer. I can't see the
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screen</p>
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<p>door. (Takes picture) Perfect.</p>
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<p>George: Dad, the hinges are all rusted here. That's why the wind
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keeps</p>
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<p>blowing the door off. </p>
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<p>Estelle: I hate that old door. Throw it out! </p>
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<p>Frank: Serenity now! </p>
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<p>Kramer: It might be time to just let her go, Frank. She's worked</p>
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<p>hard for ya. </p>
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<p>Frank: Will you put her to rest for me? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh yeah, I'll take good care of her. (Rips out the screen
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door)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Estelle: (From other room) Get George to put those boxes in the</p>
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<p>garage.</p>
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<p>George: Dad, what's all this?</p>
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<p>Estelle: (From other room) It's junk.</p>
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<p>Frank: My computers. I've been selling them for two months now.
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Shut up!</p>
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<p>George: You're selling computers?</p>
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<p>Frank: Two months ago, I saw a provocative movie on cable TV. It
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was</p>
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<p>called The Net, with that girl from the bus. I did a little reading,</p>
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<p>and I realize, it wasn't that farfetched. </p>
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<p>George: Dad, you know what it takes to compete with Microsoft and</p>
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<p>IBM? </p>
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<p>Frank: Yes, I do. That's why I got a secret weapon... my son. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Damn it, they gave me cream! I asked for nonfat milk! </p>
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<p>Patty: I think they have 1% over there. </p>
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<p>Jerry: 1%?! They can kiss 1% of my ass! </p>
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<p>Patty: OK, Jerry, enough. I'm not buying it. </p>
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<p>Jerry: You're damn right you're not buying it! </p>
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<p>Patty: You shouldn't have to try. It's just being open. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm open. There's just nothing in there. </p>
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<p>Patty: Sarcastically) Uh huh. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, you think I'm lying about this? </p>
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<p>Patty: I think you are. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, I'm not. </p>
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<p>Patty: Yes, you are, liar. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, stop it. </p>
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<p>Patty: OK, liar. </p>
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<p>Jerry: That's enough! </p>
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<p>Patty: Ooh, that was good. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Really? It felt good. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Congratulations, Mr. Lippman. </p>
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<p>Lippman: Oh, Elaine. My boy's a man today. Can you believe it?
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He's</p>
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<p>a man. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, congratulations, Adam. (Adam zealously French-kisses</p>
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<p>Elaine)</p>
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<p>Adam: I'm a man! </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Tongue? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah. </p>
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<p>George: Wow! I didn't try that 'til I was 23. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Well this kid's not just a man. He's a man's man. </p>
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<p>Elaine: And I think he's been telling his friends. I got invitations
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to six</p>
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<p>more Bar Mitzvahs. (phone rings)</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld. No, no, no, I do not
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want to</p>
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<p>stop over in Cincinnati. Well, then you upgrade me. That's right,
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you</p>
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<p>should thank me. Goodbye. (Hangs up) Hey, I'm flyin' first class.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Where did that come from? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Patty showed me how to get mad. You gotta problem with that?
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</p>
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<p>Elaine: No. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Good. </p>
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<p>George: All right, relax, tough guy. I got to go out to my father's</p>
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<p>garage, help him sell some computers. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What? The two of you workin' in that garage is like a steel
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cage</p>
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<p>death match. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Kramer. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah. </p>
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<p>George: What-what are you doing? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh, I'm putting up Frank's screen door. This beauty's got
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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a</p>
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<p>little life in her yet. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What do you need it for? </p>
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<p>Kramer: (Closing door) The cool evening breezes of Anytown, USA.
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Let's see</p>
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<p>how this baby closes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Morning, ma. </p>
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<p>Estelle: (From another room ) You're late! </p>
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<p>George: Morning, dad. </p>
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<p>Frank: I'm not 'dad' in the workplace. My professional name is
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Mr.</p>
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<p>Costanza, and I will refer to you as 'Costanza'. Morning, Braun.
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</p>
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<p>Lloyd : (Handing Frank coffee) Morning, George. Two cream, no sugar.
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</p>
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<p>George: What is Lloyd Braun doing here? </p>
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<p>Frank: Your mother recommended him. </p>
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<p>George: Yeah, of course she did. That's all I ever heard growing
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up</p>
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<p>is 'Why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun?' Did you know he was
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in a</p>
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<p>mental institution? </p>
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<p>Frank: I didn't read his resume. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Braun: (Ringing the sale bell) Another sale, Mr. Costanza. Chalk
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me up on</p>
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<p>the big board. </p>
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<p>George: (Inquiring about the chalk board) What is this? </p>
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<p>Frank (Drawing a zero under George's name) This is your lagging.
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Good</p>
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<p>work, Braun. </p>
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<p>Estelle (From another room) Good for you, Lloyd! </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: So Adam, I just talked to your father, and, apology</p>
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<p>accepted. </p>
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<p>Adam: I'm not apologizing. It was great. I told everyone. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, I know. Uh, by the way, could you do me a favor and</p>
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<p>tell Mitchell Tanenbaum that I will be unable to attend this Saturday.
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</p>
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<p>Adam: Are you free Friday night? </p>
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<p>Elaine: I am, but that is not the point. You are thirteen, and
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I am</p>
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<p>in my early... 20s. </p>
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<p>Adam: But I'm a man. The rabbi said so. </p>
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<p>Elaine: No. You are not a man. It takes a *long* time to become
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a</p>
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<p>man. I mean, half my friends aren't even there yet. </p>
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<p>Adam: Well, if I'm not a man, then this whole thing was a sham!
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First,</p>
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<p>they said I was gonna get great gifts, and then, somebody gives
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me</p>
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<p>Boggle. I renounce my religion! </p>
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<p>Lippman: Who wants cookies? </p>
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<p>Adam: As of this moment, I am no longer Jewish. I quit! </p>
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<p>Lippman: What? </p>
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<p>Elaine: (Eating) Walnuts, mmmmmm. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Frank: You're late again, Costanza, so listen up. Starting tonight,
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we're</p>
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<p>having a little sales contest. The loser gets fired, the winner</p>
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<p>gets a Waterpik. </p>
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<p>Estelle: (From another room) You're not giving away our Waterpik!
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</p>
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<p>Frank: Serenity now! </p>
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<p>George: You know what? It doesn't matter, because I quit! </p>
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<p>Frank: I guess your mother was right. You never could compete with
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Lloyd</p>
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<p>Braun! (Lloyd rings his sale bell and smiles)</p>
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<p>George: You wanna sell computers? I will show *you* how to sell</p>
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<p>computers! Hello, Mr. Farneman. You wanna buy a computer? No? Why</p>
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<p>not? All right, I see! Good answer! Thank you! (Lloyd rings his
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sale bell)</p>
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<p>Serenity now! </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Adam, you don't become a man overnight. Look at your</p>
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<p>father. It takes time. Patience, experience. Uh, several careers
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of</p>
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<p>varying success. And these are things I look for in a man. </p>
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<p>Adam: (Storming out of the room) Well, that does me a lot of</p>
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<p>good. 'Early 20s'! </p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, I'm sorry, sir, I tried. </p>
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<p>Lippman: So, that's the type of guy you're looking for? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Uhh. I guess so. Why? (Mr. Lippman vigorously starts</p>
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<p>making out with her)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Patty: (Surveying Kramer's hall patio ) What is this? </p>
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<p>Jerry: (Knocking on Kramer's door) Anytown, U.S.A. Hello? Is Kramer</p>
|
|
<p>home? Oh, hey. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (Spraying his flowers) Hello, neighbor. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Boy, those azaleas are really coming in nicely. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, you gotta mulch. You've got to. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You barbecuing tonight? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (Ringing his wind chimes) Right after the fireworks. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So, where do you want to eat tonight? </p>
|
|
<p>Patty: How about La Caridad again? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Again!? How much flan can a person eat!? </p>
|
|
<p>Patty: Jerry, you've been yelling at me all afternoon. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, I don't think more flan is the answer! </p>
|
|
<p>Patty: Maybe I should just leave. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: 'Maybe'!? </p>
|
|
<p>Patty: Good-bye! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Double good-bye! (As Patty leaves, open door reveals Kramer,</p>
|
|
<p>sitting on his lawn chair with a sparkler)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, buddy! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (Coming in Jerry's apartment) Hey. Happy New Year! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer (Getting the door slammed on him) Y'all come back reeeaall...
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Did you and Patty just break up? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah! In fact, she broke up with me! And I don't want to
|
|
talk about</p>
|
|
<p>it! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, then you're free tonight. You know what, I heard</p>
|
|
<p>about this great place called La Caridad. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: That's the last thing she said to me. She wanted to go there
|
|
also,</p>
|
|
<p>but I wasn't in the mood. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Whoa. What is the matter? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's Patty. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry, you break up with a girl every week. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Crying) What--what is this salty discharge? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh my God. You're crying. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: This is horrible! I care! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Patty won't call me back. I don't know if I can live without
|
|
her. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: She's really gotten to you, hasn't she? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't know what's happening to me. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Simple. You let out one emotion, all the rest will come</p>
|
|
<p>with it. It's like Endora's box. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: That was the mother on Bewitched. You mean Pandora. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, well, she... had one, too. (George enters)</p>
|
|
<p>George: Jerry, can I talk to you for a second? (They enter Jerry's</p>
|
|
<p>apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (Baseball flies at Kramer and hits him) That's it, that's
|
|
it! I</p>
|
|
<p>warned you kids. I told you not to play in front of my house.</p>
|
|
<p>This time, I'm keepin' it. And you're not getting back your rock
|
|
either!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: (hearing Jerry broke up with Patty) Are you still down
|
|
in</p>
|
|
<p>the dumps? Come on. It's just a chick. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You ever heard of a little thing called feelings? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, I got just the thing to cheer you up. A computer!</p>
|
|
<p>Huh? We can check porn, and stock quotes. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Porn quotes... I'm so lucky to have a friend like you, George.
|
|
Ever</p>
|
|
<p>tell you how much I love you? </p>
|
|
<p>George: What? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I love you, George. Come here. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I-I'm already here. I'm here. I'm here. Uh, you know what?</p>
|
|
<p>If you want a computer, call me. I-I gotta go. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Go wherever you want. I'm still gonna love you. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Look what they did. Look what they did to my house! I turn
|
|
my back</p>
|
|
<p>for two seconds, and they put shaving cream all over my door. You,
|
|
I see</p>
|
|
<p>you! I'll teach these kids a lesson. Where's that house I put under
|
|
your</p>
|
|
<p>sink? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hose under my sink. I love *you*, Kramer! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I love you, too, buddy, and George-- </p>
|
|
<p>George: I don't want to hear it, Kramer! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Listen, when I give you the signal, I want you to turn
|
|
this</p>
|
|
<p>water on full blast. </p>
|
|
<p>George: What signal? What-what signal? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'll yell, uh, 'Hoochie mama!' </p>
|
|
<p>George: If I do it, will you buy a computer? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: On the signal, George. On the signal. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Only if you buy. I gotta make a sale. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I love you, Costanza. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Will you shut up?! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Now! Now, George! Turn on the faucet! George, turn on the</p>
|
|
<p>faucet! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mamamaaaaa! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So now the *other* Lippman kissed me. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, sure. They're Jewish, and you're a shiksa. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What? </p>
|
|
<p>George: It means a non-Jewish woman. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I know what it means, but what does being a shiksa have
|
|
to</p>
|
|
<p>do with it? </p>
|
|
<p>George: You've got 'shiksappeal'. Jewish men love the idea of</p>
|
|
<p>meeting a woman that's not like their mother. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, that's insane. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'll tell you what's insane: the price that I could get
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p>on a new desktop computer. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I am not buying a computer from you. </p>
|
|
<p>George: There's porn. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (Pausing) Even so. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Damn it! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Don't get me wrong, Mr. Lippman. I-I'm very flattered that</p>
|
|
<p>you found me attractive enough to... lunge at me. Huh. But the
|
|
only reason</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>you like me is because I'm a shiksa. </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: That's simply not true. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: If you weren't Jewish, you wouldn't be interested in me.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: You are wrong. I'll prove it. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, no. Don't! </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: I renounce Judaism! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oy vey! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What happened to you, pal? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Joey Zanfino and some of the neighborhood kids. They</p>
|
|
<p>ambushed me with a box of 'Grade A's. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Are you all right? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, no. I'm fine. Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity
|
|
now.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So, you're using Frank's relaxation method? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer (Trying to open a back of chips) Jerry, the anger, it just
|
|
melts</p>
|
|
<p>right off. Serenity now. Look at this. Serenity now! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine (Entering Jerry's apartment) Hey, what happened to you?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Serenity! (He exits)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well. You are not gonna believe this. Now Lippman is</p>
|
|
<p>renounced. This shiksa thing is *totally* out of control. What
|
|
is</p>
|
|
<p>*with* you people? What are you looking at? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Sit down, Elaine. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, no. Jerry, I can't take any more gentle sobbing. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I've been thinking about what it means to be complete. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Do you have an apple or anything? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Look at us, hurtling through space on this big, blue marble.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Or a nectarine? I would absolutely love a nectarine. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Looking everywhere for some kind of meaning... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why am I in such a fruit mood? Ahh, banana! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: When all the while, the real secret to happiness has been
|
|
right in</p>
|
|
<p>front of us! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Elaine... </p>
|
|
<p>George: (Entering Jerry's apartment with a cartload of computers)
|
|
Jerry,</p>
|
|
<p>I've found a way to beat Lloyd Braun! I buy the computers myself,
|
|
I</p>
|
|
<p>store 'em in your apartment. Then, after I win the contest, I bring
|
|
'em all</p>
|
|
<p>back and get my money back. Ha ha! It's brilliant. What? What's</p>
|
|
<p>wrong with your leg? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm asking Elaine to marry me. </p>
|
|
<p>George (Leaving) I'll store these over at Kramer's apartment. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Elaine? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Uhh, Jerry, I've got a lot goin' on with, uh, Lippman</p>
|
|
<p>right now. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Lippman? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine (Trying to get her bag to leave) Yeah, and him too. What?!
|
|
Oh,</p>
|
|
<p>yeah! I think George is calling me, so I'm gonna go give him a
|
|
hand.</p>
|
|
<p>Come on! Come on! </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Can I help you? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No. Stay! Stay. Stay. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Hey, Braun, Costanza's kicking your butt! </p>
|
|
<p>George (using the phone) Watch how it's done. Oh, hello, Mr. Vandelay?</p>
|
|
<p>Would you like to buy a computer? Oh, really? Two dozen? </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Costanza, you're white hot! </p>
|
|
<p>Phone: If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and-- </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Hey, Braun, I got good news and bad news. And they're both
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>same: you're fired. Costanza, you've won the water pik! </p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: You're not gonna give away that water pik! </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You wanna bet? Serenity now, serenity now! </p>
|
|
<p>Lloyd: You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing</p>
|
|
<p>doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you</p>
|
|
<p>blow. </p>
|
|
<p>George: What do you know? You were in the nut house. </p>
|
|
<p>Lloyd: What do you think put me there? </p>
|
|
<p>George: I heard they found a family in your freezer </p>
|
|
<p>Lloyd: Serenity now. Insanity later. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Entering the hallway to his apartment) What happened here,</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Serenity now, serenity now... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Geez! Jerry, I didn't here you come in. Yeah, the children,</p>
|
|
<p>they've done sum redecorating. Serenity now, serenity now. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You don't look well. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, that's odd, 'cause I feel perfectly at peace with
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>world- uh! eggs! you! Serenity now, serenity now, serenity now.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. Look at me, I stepped on your last rose.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer (going into his apartment) Jerry, come on. Don't get upset
|
|
about</p>
|
|
<p>it. There's always next spring. Now will you excuse me for a moment.</p>
|
|
<p>Serenity nooooooooww! </p>
|
|
<p>George: Jerry! I did it! Haha! I beat Braun! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (crashing and banging in his apartment) Serenity now! </p>
|
|
<p>George: Come on, wanna give me a hand with the computers? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (Crashing and banging around) Serenity nooooowwwww! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Why couldn't you squeeze one of those stupid rubber balls</p>
|
|
<p>to get your stress out? Why did you have to destroy *twenty-five*</p>
|
|
<p>computers? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (Leaving) George, you listen to me. I owe ya one. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He's incorrigible. You want to talk about it? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, please don't tell me you love me again, Jerry, I can't
|
|
handle</p>
|
|
<p>it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: George, letting my emotions out was the best thing I've
|
|
ever done.</p>
|
|
<p>Sure I'm not funny anymore, but there's more to life than making</p>
|
|
<p>shallow, fairly-obvious observations. How about you? </p>
|
|
<p>George: All right... here goes... </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Rabbi, is there anything I can do to combat this</p>
|
|
<p>Shiks-appeal? </p>
|
|
<p>Rabbi: Ha! Elaine, shiks-appeal is a myth, like the Yeti, or his
|
|
North</p>
|
|
<p>American cousin, the Sasquatch. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, something's goin' on here, 'cause every able-bodied</p>
|
|
<p>Israelite in the county is driving pretty strong to the hoop. </p>
|
|
<p>Rabbi: Elaine, there's much you don't understand about the Jewish</p>
|
|
<p>religion. For example, did you know that rabbis are allowed to
|
|
date? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (About to leave) Well, what does that have to do...? </p>
|
|
<p>Rabbi: You know, a member of my congregation has a timeshare in
|
|
Myrtle</p>
|
|
<p>Beach. Perhaps, if you're not too busy, we could wing on down after</p>
|
|
<p>the High Holidays? Elaine? 'Lainie? </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: So, that's it. All of my darkest fears, and... everything
|
|
I'm</p>
|
|
<p>capable of. That's me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yikes. Well, good luck with all that. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Where you going? I-I thought I could count on you for a</p>
|
|
<p>little compassion. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I think you scared me straight. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: All right, Jerome, I'm in. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Maybe we should get married. Maybe everything we need is</p>
|
|
<p>right here in front of us. Jer... let's do it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I tell ya, I don't see it happening. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What? What happened to the new Jerry? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He doesn't work here anymore. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, well that's just *great!* </p>
|
|
<p>George: I love you, Jerry. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry (Leaving) Right back at ya, Slick. </p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, all these years, I've always wanted to see the</p>
|
|
<p>two of you get back together. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, that's because you're an idiot. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You single-handedly brought Costanza and Son to the brink
|
|
of</p>
|
|
<p>bankruptcy. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well what about all the Lloyd Braun sales? </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: He's crazy. His phone wasn't even hooked up. He just liked
|
|
ringing</p>
|
|
<p>that bell. </p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: I told you to clean out this garage. I have to put my
|
|
car</p>
|
|
<p>in! </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: This is a place of business. I told you never to come in
|
|
here.</p>
|
|
<p>Serenity now! </p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: All right... </p>
|
|
<p>George: Dad, you really should lay off the 'serenity now' stuff.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: So, what am I supposed to say? </p>
|
|
<p>George: 'Hoochie mama'? </p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Move your crap, I'm comin' in! </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: No you're not! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>End.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p><Spell checked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
|
|
|
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|