paul
/
seinfeld-scripts
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity
seinfeld-scripts/TheStrike.htm

862 lines
46 KiB
HTML
Raw Permalink Blame History

<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"
xmlns:og="http://opengraphprotocol.org/schema/"
xmlns:fb="http://www.facebook.com/2008/fbml"><!-- InstanceBegin template="/Templates/seinfeld.dwt" codeOutsideHTMLIsLocked="false" -->
<head>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
<META NAME="AUTHOR" CONTENT="Doctoroids" />
<META NAME="COPYRIGHT" CONTENT="&copy; 2002-2010 Doctoroids" />
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="doctitle" -->
<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Strike </title>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<link href="support-files/seinfeld.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" />
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="docdescription" -->
<meta name="description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Strike. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes" />
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="dockeywords" -->
<meta name="keywords" content="the strike, seinfeld strike, seinfeld scripts, seinfeld, seinfeld episode" />
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<script type="text/javascript">
window.google_analytics_uacct = "UA-16472669-1";
</script>
<link rel="image_src" href="images/seinfeld-share.jpg" />
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://s7.addthis.com/js/250/addthis_widget.js#username=doctoroids">var addthis_config = {data_track_clickback: true};</script>
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="head" -->
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="pagetype" -->
<script type="text/javascript">
var pageType="CONTENT";
</script>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script>
<meta property="og:site_name" content="SeinfeldScripts"/>
<meta property="fb:app_id" content="164823560224402"/>
<meta property="fb:admins" content="824270386"/>
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="ogdata" -->
<meta property="og:image" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/images/seinfeld-cast.jpg"/>
<meta property="og:title" content="The Strike"/>
<meta property="og:type" content="tv_show"/>
<meta property="og:url" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheStrike.htm"/>
<meta property="og:description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Strike. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes"/>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
</head>
<body>
<div class="wrap">
<div class="head_title">
</div>
<div id="menu">
<ul>
<!-- **** INSERT NAVIGATION ITEMS HERE (use id="selected" to identify the page you're on **** -->
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a></li>
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters</a></li>
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Gifts</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="addthis_toolbox addthis_default_style" id="menu_share">
<li><a style="padding: 8px 3px 8px 160px" href="http://addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&amp;username=doctoroids" class="addthis_button_compact">Share</a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_facebook"></a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_twitter"></a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_googlebuzz"></a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_digg"></a></li>
</div>
</div>
<div class="underMenu">
<a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com">Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community!</a></div>
<div id="content"><!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="main_content" -->
<h1>The Strike</h1>
<p><table width="300" height="250" border="0" align="left" cellpadding="0" style="margin-right:10px;">
<tr>
<td>
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
/* html-in_content-top_left */
google_ad_slot = "4619537930";
google_ad_width = 300;
google_ad_height = 250;
//-->
</script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script>
</td>
</tr>
</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p>&nbsp;</p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
Written by: Alec Burg, Jeff Schaffer, and Dan O' Keefe</p>
<p>Directed by: Andy Ackerman</p>
<p>Broadcasted: December 18, 1997 for the first time.</p>
<p>Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, </p>
<p>Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bryan Cranston (as Tim Whatley),</p>
<p>Karen Fineman (as Gwen), Estelle Harris (as Estelle), Kevin McDonald
(as</p>
<p>Denim Vest), Jerry Stiller (as Frank), and Daniel Von Bargen (as
Kruger).</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>[Setting: Tim Whatley's apartment]</p>
<p>ELAINE: So.. Whatley's still Jewish, huh?</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, sure. With out the parents, it's a breeze.</p>
<p>(Elaine laughs, Whatley enters)</p>
<p>TIM: Hey! Happy Chanukah!</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey, Tim. Great party.</p>
<p>(Tim holds up a mistletoe)</p>
<p>TIM: (Suggesting a kiss to Elaine) eh?</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Shrugging it off) eh.</p>
<p>TIM: (Accepting) Oh. (Turns to George) Hey, George, thanks again
for getting me those Yankee tickets.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, yeah. Still in good with the ground crew. (Laghs)</p>
<p>TIM: (Notices a woman walking by) Oh, hey, listen, I'd better circulate..
(moving over to the woman) Happy Chanukah, Tiffany! (they both move
off camera)</p>
<p>ELAINE: This place is like Studio 54 with a menorah.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I'm gonna get some more of these kosher cocktail franks..
(leaves)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh.. (sees a guy looking at her) I got denim vest checking
me out. (laughs) Fake phone number's coming out tonight.</p>
<p>JERRY: You have a standard fake?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Mm-hmm.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Notices an attractive woman walking by, starts to follow
her) That's neat.</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Holds onto Jerry's arm) No, please! Denim vest! He's smoothing
it! Jerry! God! (Jerry excapes Elaine's grasp, moves over to the
woman. The man</p>
<p>wearing a denim vest moves over to Elaine.)</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: Hi!</p>
<p>(Scene cuts to Jerry talking to the woman)</p>
<p>JERRY: Hi, I'm Jerry.</p>
<p>WOMAN: Hi. JERRY: You might not know it to look at me, but I can
run really, really fast.</p>
<p>(Scene cuts to Elaine)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Nice vest. I like the.. big metal buttons</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: They're snaps. Listen, maybe we should, uh, go out
some time?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Why don't I give you my phone number?</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Coffee Shop]</p>
<p>(George enters)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Hey.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey! How'd it go with the cocktail franks?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Great! I ate the entire platter! Had to call in sick today.</p>
<p>JERRY: Didn't you call in sick yesterday?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Hey, I work for Kruger Industrial Smoothing: &quot;We don't
care, and it shows.&quot;</p>
<p>JERRY: (Notices George brought hhis mail) You're gonna open your
mail here?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Hey, at least I'm bringing something to this. (Starts flipping
through envelopes, reads one ) &quot;Have you seen me?&quot; (Flicks
it aside) Nope. (looks at next</p>
<p>envelope) Woah, something from Whatley.</p>
<p>JERRY: See? You give, and you get.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Reading the card from Whatley) &quot;This holiday season
a donation has been made in your name to the Children's Alliance.&quot;?</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, that's nice.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I got him Yankee's tickets! He got me a piece of paper
saying &quot;I've given your gift to someone else!&quot;</p>
<p>JERRY: To a children's charity!</p>
<p>GEORGE: Don't you see how wrong that is?! Where's your Christmas
spirit? And eye for an eye!</p>
<p>(Elaine enters)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hey!</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
<p>(Waitress moves tward the table)</p>
<p>ELAINE: (To waitress) Oh, nothing for me. (Waitress leaves) I'm
going to &quot;Atomic Sub&quot; later.</p>
<p>JERRY: &quot;Atomic Sub&quot;? Why are you eating there?</p>
<p>ELAINE: I got a card, and they stamp it every time I buy a sub.
24 stamps, and I become a submarine (makes a gesture) captain.</p>
<p>JERRY: What does that mean?</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Embarrassed) Free sub.</p>
<p>(George lets out a depressed sigh while reading a card)</p>
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Nothing. It's a card from my dad.</p>
<p>ELAINE: What is it? (Grabs the card from George, he tries to stop
her, but fails. She reads it out loud.) &quot;Dear son, Happy Festivus.&quot;
What is Festivus?</p>
<p>GEORGE: It's nothing, stop it..</p>
<p>JERRY: When George was growing up..</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Interrupting) Jerry, No!</p>
<p>JERRY: His father..</p>
<p>GEORGE: No!</p>
<p>JERRY: Hated all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas,
so he made up his own holiday.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Ohhhh.. and another piece of the puzzle falls into place.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (pleading) Alright..</p>
<p>JERRY: And instead of a tree, didn't your father put up an aluminum
pole?</p>
<p>(Elaine starts laughing uncontrollably - and continues to do so)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Jerry! Stop it!</p>
<p>JERRY: And weren't there a feats of strength that always ended
up with you crying?</p>
<p>(Jerry joins in with Elaine's laughter)</p>
<p>GEORGE: I can't take it anymore! I'm going to work! ARe you happy
now?! (Gathers his things, and runs out of the coffee shop. Elaine
and Jerry laugh hysterically)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
<p>(Elaine is digging into her purse)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh, I can't believe it! I've lost my &quot;Atomic Sub&quot;
card!.. Oh no! I bet I wrote that fake number on the back of it
when I gave it to denim vest!</p>
<p>JERRY: So?</p>
<p>ELAINE: I've eaten 23 bad subs, I just need 1 more! It's like a
long, bad movie, but you want to see the end of it!</p>
<p>JERRY: No, you walk out.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Alright, then, it's like a boring book, but you gotta finish
it.</p>
<p>JERRY: No, you wait for the movie!</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Irritated, and through clinched teeth) I want that free
sub.</p>
<p>JERRY: You don't need the card. High-end hoagie outfit like that,
it's all computerized! (Snaps) They're cloning sheep now.</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Correcting) No, they're not cloning sheep. It's the same
sheep! I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a
handkerchief on the old Dean</p>
<p>Martin show!</p>
<p>JERRY: So, why don't you just try your blow-off number and see
if he's called it?</p>
<p>ELAINE: That's a good idea.</p>
<p>(Kramer's cordless phone rings, startling him. He digs through
his coat, and pulls it out of the pocket)</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Answering phone) Yeah, Go! Wha.. really? Yeah, ok. Yeah!
Bye. (Hangs up) Great news! Yeah, the strike has been settled. I'm
going back to work.</p>
<p>JERRY: What strike?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, H&amp;H Bagels. That's where I worked.</p>
<p>JERRY: You?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Worked?</p>
<p>JERRY: Bagels?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Look, see. I still have my business card. (Pulls
it out, hands it to Elaine) Yeah, we've been on strike for 12 years.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh, I remember seeing those guys picketing out there, but
I haven't seen them in a long time.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, well, H&amp;H wouldn't let us use their bath room
while we were picketing. It put a cramp on our solidarity.</p>
<p>ELAINE: What were your.. demands?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, 5.35 an hour. And that's what they're paying now.</p>
<p>ELAINE: I believe that's the new minimum wage.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Now you know who to thank for that!.. Alright, I've got
to go. (Heads for the door)</p>
<p>JERRY: Why didn't you ever mention this?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Jerry, I didn't want you to know I was out of work. It's
embarrassing! (Leaves) (Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: H&amp;H Bagel Shop]</p>
<p>(Kramer walks through the door)</p>
<p>KRAMER: All right, everybody! I'm back!</p>
<p>MANAGER: Who are you?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Cosmo Kramer.. strikes over.</p>
<p>MANAGER: Oh yeah! Kramer.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Huh.. wha- Didn't any of the guys come back?</p>
<p>MANAGER: NO, I&quot;m sure they all got jobs.. like, ten years
ago.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh, man. Makes you wonder what it was all for..</p>
<p>MANAGER: I could use someone for the holidays..</p>
<p>KRAMER: Alright! Toss me an apron, let's bagel! (Takes off his
coat, puts it in the display case, then turns to see a plate full
of bagels.) What are those?</p>
<p>MANAGER: Those are rasin bagels.</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Picks one up, he's mesmerized) I never thought I'd live
to see that..</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Horse Track Betting]</p>
<p>(Elaine confronts two unattractive bookies)</p>
<p>ELAINE: So, anyway, I've been giving out your number as my standard
fake.</p>
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>BOOKIE: So. You're Elaine Benes. We've been getting calls fro you
for 5 years.</p>
<p>ELAINE: So, listen, when this guy calls, if you could just give
him my real number..</p>
<p>BOOKIE: (Interrupting) Hey, Charlie! Guess who's here. Elaine Benes.</p>
<p>(Co-Worker in the back speaks up)</p>
<p>CHARLIE: Elaine Benes?!</p>
<p>(Various other men in the line behind Elaine say the same thing)</p>
<p>BOOKIE: You make a lot of man friends. You know who's a man? Charlie
here, he's a man. You know who else? Me. I'm a man.</p>
<p>CHARLIE: (faintly) I'm a man.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Ohh.. my..</p>
<p>BOOKIE: I'll have this best guy call your real number. You just,
uh, give it to me. And that way, I'll have it. (Slides a pad over
to Elaine so she can write it down)</p>
<p>ELAINE: My number? Ohh.. (looks at Kramer's business card) Okay..
Uh, well, there you go. (writes H&amp;H's number down) And, uh,
tell you what.. (looks at the</p>
<p>board in the back) put a sawbuck on Captain Nemo in the third at
Belmont.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: classy restaurant]</p>
<p>(Jerry and Tim Whatley meet)</p>
<p>TIM: Hey, Jerry.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey, Tim.</p>
<p>TIM: What's up?</p>
<p>JERRY: Actually, I'm having dinner with a girl I met at your party.</p>
<p>TIM: Mazel Tov.</p>
<p>(Jerry's date, Gwen, arrives. She's completely unattractive)</p>
<p>GWEN: Jerry.. hi.</p>
<p>JERRY: Gwen?</p>
<p>GWEN: Yeah.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Not willing to believe how much uglier she is) Really?</p>
<p>GWEN: Yeah! Come on, our table is ready.</p>
<p>(Tim gives Jerry a face - almost like he feels sorry for Jerry)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
<p>GEORGE: So, attractive one day - not attractive the next?</p>
<p>JERRY: Have you come across this?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yes, I am familiar with this syndrome -- she's a two-face.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Relating) Like the Batman villain?</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Annoyed) If that helps you..</p>
<p>JERRY: So, if I ask her out again - I don't know who's showing
up: The good, the bad, or the ugly.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Identifying what Jerry said) Clint Eastwood!</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Hey, check this out. I gotta give out Christmas presents
to everyone down at Kruger, so I'm pulling a Whatley. (Give a Christmas
card to Jerry)</p>
<p>JERRY: (Reading it) &quot;A donation has been made in your name
to the Human Fund.&quot; - What is that?</p>
<p>GEORGE: (With pride) Made it up.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Continuing reading) &quot;The Human Fund. Money for people.&quot;</p>
<p>GEORGE: What do you think?</p>
<p>JERRY: It has a certain understated stupidity.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Once again, Identifying) The Outlaw of Josey Whales!</p>
<p>JERRY: ..Yeah.</p>
<p>(Enter Kramer)</p>
<p>(He is holding a sack full of bagels)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Ah, gentlemen.. bagels on the house!</p>
<p>JERRY: How was your first day?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh, fantastic! (Jerry and George both pick out a bagel)
It felt so good to get my hands back in taht dough.</p>
<p>(Jerry and George stop before they take a bite from their bagels)</p>
<p>JERRY: Your hands were in the dough?</p>
<p>KRAMER: No, I didn't make these bagels. (Jerry and George both
take a bite) Yeah, they're day-olds. The homeless won't even touch
them. (Jerry and George</p>
<p>stop eating) Oh, we try to fool them by putting a few fresh ones
on top, but they dig.. they, they test.</p>
<p>(George spits his bagel out)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Alright. Uh, well, I'm out of here. (Gets up to leave)</p>
<p>JERRY: Happy Festivus!</p>
<p>KRAMER: What's Festivus?</p>
<p>JERRY: When George was growing up..</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Interrupting) No!</p>
<p>JERRY: His father..</p>
<p>GEORGE: Stop it! It's nothing. It's a stupid holiday my father
invented. It doesn't exist!</p>
<p>(Elaine enters while George is exiting)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Happy Festivus, Georgie.</p>
<p>(George leaves yelling out &quot;God!&quot;)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Frank invented a holiday? He's so prolific!</p>
<p>ELAINE: Kramer, listen, I got a little phone relay going, so, if
a guy calls H&amp;H and he's looking for me, you take a message.</p>
<p>JERRY: You're still trying to gget that free sub?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hey! I have spent a lot of time, and I have eaten a lot
of crap to get to where I am today. And I am NOT throwing it all
away now.</p>
<p>JERRY: Is there a captain's hat involved in this?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Maybe.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: H&amp;H Bagel Shop]</p>
<p>FRANK: Kramer, I got your message. I haven't celebrated Festivus
in years! What is your interest?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Well, just tell me everything, huh?</p>
<p>FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I
reach for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained
blows opon him, I realized</p>
<p>there had to be another way!</p>
<p>KRAMER: What happened to the doll?</p>
<p>FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born.
&quot;A Festivus for the rest of us!&quot;</p>
<p>KRAMER: That musta been some kind of doll.</p>
<p>FRANK: She was.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Kruger Office Building]</p>
<p>(George is in the hallway, dispensing his made-up gifts)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas! (Co-worker gives a gift
to George) Oh, Sandy! Here is a little something for you.. (hands
her a card)</p>
<p>SANDY: (After reading the cheap gift, she's suddenly unimpressed)
..Oh.. thanks. (Walks off)</p>
<p>(George passes an open doorway)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Phil, I loved those cigars! Incoming! (Flicks his card
tward Phil)</p>
<p>PHIL: Ow!</p>
<p>(George meets up with Kruger)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Aw, Mr. Kruger, Sir. Merry Christmas! (Hands him a card)</p>
<p>KRUGER: Not if you could see our books.. what's this?</p>
<p>GEORGE: The Human Fund.</p>
<p>KRUGER: Whatever. (Walks off)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Exactly. (Sees an off-camera co-worker) Erica!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: H&amp;H Bagel Shop]</p>
<p>(Frank is still telling Kramer about Festivus)</p>
<p>FRANK: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around,
and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the
past year.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Is there a tree?</p>
<p>FRANK: No. Instead, there's a pole. It requires not decoration.
I find tinsel distracting.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Frank, this new holiday of yours is scratching me right
where I itch.</p>
<p>FRANK: Let's do it then! Festivus is back! I'll get the pole out
of the crawl space. (Turns to leave, meets up with Elaine)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hello, Frank.</p>
<p>FRANK: Hello, woman. (leaves)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Kramer! Kramer.. any word from the vest?</p>
<p>KRAMER: No. (To manager of H&amp;H) Ah, listen, Harry, I need the
23rd off.</p>
<p>MANAGER: Hey! I hired you to work during the holidays. This is
the holidays.</p>
<p>KRAMER: But it's Festivus.</p>
<p>MANAGER: What?</p>
<p>KRAMER: You know you're infringing on my right to celebrate new
holidays..</p>
<p>MANAGER: That's not a right.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Well, it's going to be! Because I'm going back on strike.
Come on Elaine. (Takes of his apron, and goes for his coat) It's
a walk out!</p>
<p>ELAINE: No, I got to stay here and wait for the call.</p>
<p>KRAMER: What? You're siding with management?!</p>
<p>ELAINE: No, I just..</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Interrupting) Scab! Scab! (pointing at Elaine) Scab!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Taxi Cab]</p>
<p>(Gwen joins Jerry in the cab. She's in her attractive state)</p>
<p>GWEN: Hey.</p>
<p>JERRY: Boy, am I glad to see you.</p>
<p>GWEN: You were expecting someone else?</p>
<p>JERRY: You never know.</p>
<p>GWEN: (To driver) You know, you might want to take the tunnel.</p>
<p>JERRY: So, uh, what do you feel like eating? Chinese or Italian?</p>
<p>(All the sudden, Gwen is extremely ugly)</p>
<p>GWEN: I can go either way.</p>
<p>JERRY: (Shocked) You're telling me.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: the Coffee Shop]</p>
<p>GEORGE: So, she was switching? Back and forth?</p>
<p>JERRY: Actually, the only place she always looked good was in that
back booth over there.</p>
<p>GEORGE: So, just bring her here. This is all you really need.</p>
<p>JERRY: I can't just keep bringing her to the coffee shop. I mean,
what if things, you know, progress?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Lights out.</p>
<p>JERRY: Alright, I'll give it a shot! I do really like this coffee
shop. Nice cuff links, by the way.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Pointing to them) Office Christmas gift. I tell you, this
Human Fund is a gold mine!</p>
<p>JERRY: That's not a french cuff shirt, you know.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I know. I cut the button off and poked a hole with a letter
opener.</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, that's classy.</p>
<p>(Frank and Kramer enter. Frank is dragging an aluminum pole)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Well, Happy Festivus.</p>
<p>GEORGE: What is that? Is taht the pole?!</p>
<p>FRANK: George, Festivus is your heritage - it's part of who you
are.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Sulking) That's why I hate it.</p>
<p>KRAMER: There's a big dinner Tuesday night at Frank's house - everyone's
invited.</p>
<p>FRANK: George, you're forgetting how much Festivus has meant to
us all. I brought one of the casette tapes. (Franks pushes play,
George as a child celebrating</p>
<p>Festivus is heard)</p>
<p>FRANK: Read that poem.</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Complaining) I can't read it. I need my glasses!</p>
<p>FRANK: You don't need glasses, you're just weak! You're weak!</p>
<p>ESTELLE: Leave him alone!</p>
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>FRANK: Alright, George. It's time for the feats of strength.</p>
<p>(George has a break down)</p>
<p>GEORGE: No! No! Turn it off! No feats of strength! (Gets up and
starts running out of the coffee shop) I hate Festivus!</p>
<p>FRANK: We had some good times.</p>
<p>(Gwen walks in, and greets Jerry. She's in her unattractive state)</p>
<p>GWEN: Hey.</p>
<p>JERRY: I there. This is Kramer, and Frank.</p>
<p>GWEN: Hi.</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Shocked at her ugliness, he stammers) Hello.</p>
<p>GWEN: So, you ready to go?</p>
<p>JERRY: Uh, why don't we stay here? The back booth just opened up.
(They both walk to the booth and sit down. Suddenly, Gwen is attractive)
Now this is a good</p>
<p>looking booth.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: H&amp;H Bagel Shop]</p>
<p>(Kramer is picketing out side.)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Protect Festivus! Hey, no bagels, no bagels, no bagels,
(Continues to chant)</p>
<p>(Cut to inside the store)</p>
<p>MANAGER: (To a waiting Elaine) Lady, if you want a sandwich, I'll
make you a sandwich.</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Whining) I want the one that I earned. (Phone rings) I'll
get it. I'll get it! (Into phone) H&amp;H, and Elaine.</p>
<p>KRAMER: (From a phone booth right outside the store) Elaine, you
should get out of there. I sabotaged the bagel machine last night.
It's going down.</p>
<p>ELAINE: What did you do?</p>
<p>KRAMER: You've been warned.</p>
<p>(Elaine looks out the window, and sees Kramer at the pay phone)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh, hi! (Waves at him)</p>
<p>(Steam starts coming from a pipe on the machine. Elaine hangs up)</p>
<p>WORKER: Hey, the steam valve's broke.</p>
<p>MANAGER: Can we still make bagels?</p>
<p>WORKER: Sure. It's just a little steamy.</p>
<p>(Kramer knocks on the shop door)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Hey! How do you like your bagels now?!</p>
<p>(No one inside seems to care. Kramer waits by the door to see if
anyone was affected)</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Kruger Building]</p>
<p>KRUGER: George, I got something for you. (Pulls a check from his
pocket) I'm suppose to find a charity and throw some of the company's
money at it. They all</p>
<p>seem the same to me, so, what's the difference? (Hands the check
to George)</p>
<p>GEORGE: 20 thousand dollars?</p>
<p>KRUGER: Made out to the Human Fund. (Tries to enter his office,
but it's locked) Oh, damn. I've locked myself out of my office again.
Oh well. I'm going home.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Coffee Shop]</p>
<p>GWEN: Jerry, how many times do we have to come to this.. place?</p>
<p>JERRY: Why? It's our place.</p>
<p>GWEN: I just found a rubber band in my soup.</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh.. I know who's cooking today!</p>
<p>(Enter George)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Hey! Surprise, surprise!</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey, Georgie!</p>
<p>GWEN: I think I'm just gonna go.</p>
<p>JERRY: I'll be here.</p>
<p>(Gwen leaves)</p>
<p>GEORGE: (Sees Gwen's meal) Hey, soup.</p>
<p>JERRY: She didn't touch it.</p>
<p>(George spoons through his soup, and finds a rubber band)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Ohh.. Paco! (Flicks rubber band tward the kitchen) Hey,
take a look at this. (Hands Jerry Kruger's check)</p>
<p>JERRY: 20 thousand dollars from Kruger? You're not keeping this.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I don't know.</p>
<p>JERRY: Excuse me?</p>
<p>GEORGE: I've been doing a lot of thinking. This might be my chance
to start giving something back.</p>
<p>JERRY: You want to give something back? Start with the 20 thousand
dollars.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I'm serious.</p>
<p>JERRY: You're going to start your own charity?</p>
<p>GEORGE: I think I could be a philanthropist. a kick ass philanthropist!
I would have all this money, and people would love me. Then they
would come to me.. and</p>
<p>beg! And if I felt like it, I would help them out. And then they
would owe me big time! (Thinking to himself) .. First thing I'm
gonna need is a driver..</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Outside H&amp;H Bagels]</p>
<p>(Kramer is chanting 'no bagels, no bagels..' Elaine walks out,
her make-up is distorted, and her face is pale because of the steam)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Kramer, the vest just called.</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Shocked by the way Elaine looks) Yama - Hama! It's fright
night!</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh, yeah, I got a little steam bath. Listen, in 10 minutes,
I'm gonna have my hands on that &quot;Atomic Sub&quot; card.</p>
<p>KRAMER: And?</p>
<p>ELAINE: (Embarrassed) Free sub. (Starts to leave) I'll see ya.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.</p>
<p>(Gwen walks by, she's in her ugly state)</p>
<p>GWEN: Kramer, Hi!</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh, hello.</p>
<p>GWEN: It's Gwen.. We met .. at the coffee shop.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Ah-huh.</p>
<p>GWEN: I'm dating your friend, Jerry..</p>
<p>KRAMER: Ahh.. I don't know who you really are, but I've seen Jerry's
girlfriend, and she's not you. You're much better looking - and
like, a foot taller.</p>
<p>GWEN: That's why we're always hiding in that coffee shop! He's
afraid of getting caught.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh, he's a tomcat.</p>
<p>(Cut to Elaine)</p>
<p>(She meets up with Denim Vest on the street corner)</p>
<p>ELAINE: Steve.</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: Hmm?</p>
<p>ELAINE: It's Elaine.</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: From Tim Whatley's party?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Yeah.</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: You look.. different.</p>
<p>ELAINE: I see you're still sticking with the denim. (He's wearing
a denim coat) Do you have that card that I gave you?</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: Well, I had it back at my place, but I can't go there
now.. I'll give it to you later, or something.</p>
<p>ELAINE: No, no, no. You give me your number.</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: Okay. Sure. (Pulls out a pad, and starts writing a
number down) Do you have the mumps?</p>
<p>ELAINE: No.</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: Typhoid?</p>
<p>ELAINE: No.</p>
<p>DENIM VEST: (Hands her the paper, and runs off) Yama - Hama!</p>
<p>(Elaine looks at the number, and sees it's the same as the number
on a nearby truck)</p>
<p>ELAINE: A fake number! Blimey!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: Kruger's office]</p>
<p>KRUGER: George, we have a problem. There's a memo, here, from accounting
telling me there's no such thing as the Human Fund.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Well, there could be.</p>
<p>KRUGER: But there isn't.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Well, I - I could, Uh, I could give the money back. Here.
(Holds it out)</p>
<p>KRUGER: George, I don't get it. If there's no Human Fund, those
donation cards were fake. You better have a damn good reason why
you gave me a fake</p>
<p>Christmas gift.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Well, sir, I - I gave out the fake card, because, um, I
don't really celebrate Christmas. I, um, I celebrate Festivus.</p>
<p>KRUGER: Vemonous?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Festivus, Sir. And, uh, I was afraid that I would be persecuted
for my beliefs. They drove my family out of Bayside, Sir!</p>
<p>KRUGER: Are you making all this up, too?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, no, Sir. Festivus is all too real. And.. I could prove
it - if I had to.</p>
<p>KRUGER: Yeah, you probably should.</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: The Costanza's house]</p>
<p>GEORGE: Happy Festivus!</p>
<p>FRANK: George? This is a surprise. (Looking at Kruger) Who's the
suit?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yo, dad. This is my boss, Mr. Kruger.</p>
<p>FRANK: Have you seen the pole, Kruger?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Dad, he doesn't need to see the pole.</p>
<p>FRANK: He's gonna see it.</p>
<p>(Enter Jerry and Elaine. Elaine is still ugly from the steam)</p>
<p>GEORGE: Happy Festivus! (Sees Elaine) Yama - Hama!</p>
<p>ELAINE: I didn't have time to go home. What are you doing here?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Embracing my roots.</p>
<p>JERRY: They nailed you on the 20 G's?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Busted cold.</p>
<p>(Cut to Kruger and Frank)</p>
<p>(They're looking at the Festivus pole)</p>
<p>FRANK: It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio.</p>
<p>KRUGER: I find your belief system fascinating.</p>
<p>(Enter Kramer)</p>
<p>(Kramer's with the two bookies from Horse Track Betting)</p>
<p>KRAMER: Hey! Happy Festivus, everyone! (Hugs George, and jumps
up and down) Hee, hee, hee!</p>
<p>BOOKIE: Hello again, Miss Benes.</p>
<p>ELAINE: What are you doing here?</p>
<p>BOOKIE: Damnedest thing.. me and Charlie were calling to ask you
out, and, uh, we got this bagel place..</p>
<p>KRAMER: (Finishing the story) I told them I was just about to see
you.. It's a Festivus miracle!</p>
<p>(Estelle comes through the kitchen door, hitting Kramer as she
opens it)</p>
<p>ESTELLE: Dinner's ready!</p>
<p>FRANK: Let's begin.</p>
<p>(Everyone sits around the table. Kruger recognized Kramer from
&quot;The Meat Slicer&quot; episode..) KRUGER: Dr.. Van Nostrand?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Uh.. that's right.</p>
<p>(Cut to Frank)</p>
<p>FRANK: Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with
the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people!
And now you're gonna hear</p>
<p>about it! You, Kruger. My son tells me your company stinks!</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, God.</p>
<p>FRANK: (To George) Quiet, you'll get yours in a minute. Kruger,
you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe..
I lost my train of thought.</p>
<p>(Frank sits down, Jerry gives a face that says &quot;That's a shame&quot;.
Gwen walks in)</p>
<p>GWEN: Jerry!</p>
<p>JERRY: Gwen! How'd you know I was here?</p>
<p>GWEN: Kramer told me.</p>
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>KRAMER: Another Festivus miracle!</p>
<p>(Jerry gives Kramer a death stare. He shuts up. Gwen notices Elaine)</p>
<p>GWEN: I guess this is the ugly girl I've been hearing about.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hey, I was in a shvitz for 6 hours. Give me a break.</p>
<p>(Gwen leaves, Jerry follows)</p>
<p>JERRY: Gwen. Gwen, wait! Ah! (runs back to his seat) Bad lighting
on the porch.</p>
<p>ELAINE: (To bookie) Hey, how'd my horse do?</p>
<p>BOOKIE: He had to be shot.</p>
<p>FRANK: And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Not the feats of strength..</p>
<p>FRANK: This year, the honor goes to Mr. Kramer.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Uh-oh. Oh, gee, Frank, I'm sorry. I gotta go. I have to
work a double shift at H&amp;H.</p>
<p>JERRY: I thought you were on strike?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Well, I caved. I mean, I really had to use their bathroom.
Frank, no offence, but this holiday is a little (makes a series
of noises) out there.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Kramer! You can't go! Who's gonna do the feats of strength?</p>
<p>(Exit Kramer)</p>
<p>KRUGER: (Sipping liquor from a flask) How about George?</p>
<p>FRANK: Good thinking, Kruger. Until you pin me, George, Festivus
is not over!</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, please, somebody, stop this!</p>
<p>FRANK: (Taking off his sweater) Let's rumble!</p>
<p>(Cuts to an outside view of the Costanza's house)</p>
<p>ESTELLE: I think you can take him, Georgie!</p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, come on! Be sensible.</p>
<p>FRANK: Stop crying, and fight your father!</p>
<p>GEORGE: Ow! .. Ow! I give, I give! Uncle!</p>
<p>FRANK: This is the best Festivus ever!</p>
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
<p>[Setting: H&amp;H Bagel Shop]</p>
<p>(Kramer is shaping some dough and chewing gum - his gum falls into
the dough. He starts looking for the gum, and starts extracting
it from the dough. The manger is</p>
<p>watching)</p>
<p>MANAGER: Alright. That's enough. You're fired.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Thank - you! (Gets his coat, and leaves)</p>
<p>END OF SHOW.</p>
<p>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
</div>
<!-- content -->
<div id="navBar">
<div id="upperBox">
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
google_ad_width = 200;
google_ad_height = 200;
//-->
</script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script>
</div>
<div class="leftnav"><br />
<ul>
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
<div>
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
</div>
</form>
</ul>
<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&amp;lang=en"></script>
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
google_ad_width = 160;
google_ad_height = 600;
//-->
</script>
<script type='text/javascript'>
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
}
</script>
<p &nbsp;></p>
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<script type="text/javascript">
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
var bannerSize = 2300;
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&amp;b=119192\&amp;m=16934\&amp;afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&amp;urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
}
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&amp;b=119192\&amp;m=16934\&amp;afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&amp;urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
}
}
</script>
</div>
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
<!--
function noSpam(user,domain) {
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
window.location = locationstring;
}
-->
</script>
<div class="footer">
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
</div>
</div>
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
<script type='text/javascript'>
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
</script>
<script type='text/javascript'>
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
}
</script>
<script type="text/javascript">
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
(function() {
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
})();
</script></body>
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
Reference in New Issue View Git Blame Copy Permalink