877 lines
46 KiB
HTML
877 lines
46 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Strongbox</h1>
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George, drinking
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tea in his apartment with his girlfriend: "I-I've given this<br>
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a lot of thought. I'm sorry, but we, uh, we have to break up."<br>
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Maura: "No."<br>
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George, after hesitating: "What's that?"<br>
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Maura: "We're not breaking up."<br>
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George, after hesitating: "We're not?"<br>
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Maura: "No."<br>
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George, after hesitating even longer: "All right."<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, with George at Monk's: "She said no?"<br>
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George: "She said no."<br>
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Jerry: "What did you do?"<br>
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George: "What could I do? We fooled around and went to a movie."<br>
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Jerry: "George, both parties don't have to consent to a breakup.
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It's not<br>
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like you're launching missiles from a submarine and you both have
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to turn<br>
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your keys. Obviously, you didn't make a convincing case. Let me
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hear your<br>
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arguments."<br>
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George: "Well, I don't really like her."<br>
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Jerry: "That's good."<br>
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George: "I don't find her attractive."<br>
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Jerry: "Solid."<br>
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George: "I'd like to sleep with a lot of other women."<br>
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Jerry: "Always popular."<br>
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George: "Sometimes at restaurants she talks to her food. 'Oh,
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Mr. Mashed<br>
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Potatoes, you are so good.'"<br>
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Jerry: "You have an airtight case."<br>
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George: "And in bed--"<br>
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Jerry: "I'm afraid we're out of time."<br>
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Jerry, pulling out a jewelry case: "Hey."<br>
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George: "What?"<br>
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Jerry: "Check these out. These are Jerry Lewis' old cufflinks
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that he<br>
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actually wore in the movie Cinderfella. I got 'em at an auction."<br>
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George: "I got some cufflinks I could've loaned you."<br>
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Jerry: "No, Jerry Lewis is gonna be at this Friar's Club roast
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I'm goin' to<br>
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next week. Now I have an in to strike up a conversation with him."<br>
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George: "You already have an in. You have the same first name.
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Jerry."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, that'll intrigue him."<br>
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George: "Well, it worked when I met George Peppard last week."<br>
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Jerry: "George Peppard has been dead for years."<br>
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George: "Well, whoever he was, he knew a lot about The A-Team."<br>
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<br>
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Glenn, on the street talking with Elaine: "So you would choose
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your last meal<br>
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based on the method of execution?"<br>
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Elaine: "Right, right. I mean, if I was getting the chair,
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I'd go for<br>
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something hot and spicy. You know, thai, maybe Mexican. Lethal injection,<br>
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feels like pasta. You know, painless, don't want anything to heavy."<br>
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Glenn: "So, um, why don't we get together some time?"<br>
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Elaine: "Oh, sure. Why don't you give me your number?"<br>
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Glenn: "I think it'd be better if I called you."<br>
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Elaine: "Oh. OK. Maybe we could grab some lunch sometime. Do-do
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you work<br>
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around here?"<br>
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Glenn: "Mmmm... no, not really."<br>
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Elaine: "So, is there anything you can tell me about yourself?"<br>
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Glenn: "I think you're very beautiful."<br>
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Elaine, laughing: "Oh, ha ha. That'll do."<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, in his apartment with Elaine: "What about Puddy?"<br>
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Elaine: "I haven't talked to him in, like, three weeks. I think
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it might be<br>
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over."<br>
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Jerry: "So, what's this guy about?"<br>
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Elaine: "I don't know. He wouldn't tell me his phone number,
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where he worked.<br>
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I'll be he's in a relationship."<br>
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Jerry: "Or he's a crime fighter safeguarding his secret identity.
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Elaine, you<br>
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could be dating the Green Lantern!"<br>
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Elaine: "Which one is he?"<br>
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Jerry: "Green suit, power ring."<br>
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Elaine: "I don't care for jewely on men."<br>
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<br>
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Kramer, entering Jerry's apartment carrying a large box: "Hey.
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It happened<br>
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again. Another robbery in the building."<br>
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Jerry: "So you bought a cooler?"<br>
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Kramer: "It's a strongbox to protect my irreplacables."<br>
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Elaine: "And... what would those be?"<br>
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Kramer: "Some taxidermy that's been in my family for generations.
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My Tony,<br>
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my... military discharge."<br>
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Jerry: "You were in the Army?"<br>
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Kramer: "Briefly. Now, I gotta find a good place to hide this
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key. Because if<br>
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somebody finds this, they hold the key to all my possessions."<br>
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Elaine: "Literally."<br>
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Kramer: "'Literally'? What's that supposed to mean? You mind
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if I hide this<br>
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somewhere?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, go ahead."<br>
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Kramer, stuttering gibberish: "A little... privacy, huh?"<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, come on!"<br>
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Kramer: "Come on, Jerry, this is a security issue. Boy, you
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wouldn't last a<br>
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day in the Army."<br>
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Jerry, going into the hall with Elaine: "How long did you last?"<br>
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Kramer: "Well, that's classified."<br>
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Elaine, in the hall with Jerry: "Hey, what if he's married?"<br>
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Jerry: "Kramer?"<br>
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Elaine: "No, the Green Lantern."<br>
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Kramer: "OK!"<br>
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Jerry, going back inside with Elaine: "So, you would date a
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married guy?<br>
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That's so hacky."<br>
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Elaine: "Well, I don't know. I may never marry. It might be
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the closest I<br>
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get."<br>
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[Jerry, getting a spoon out of his silverware drawer, accidentally
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stumbles<br>
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on the key, and holds it up for Kramer to see]<br>
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Kramer: "You peeked!"<br>
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Jerry: "This is your hiding place?!"<br>
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Kramer: "It was under a spoon!"<br>
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<br>
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George, in his apartment with Maura: "And so, for all these
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reasons, we are<br>
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officially broken up. Thank you, and good night."<br>
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Maura: "No, George, we're not."<br>
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George: "But I proved it!"<br>
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Maura: "I refuse to give up on this relationship. It's like
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launching<br>
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missiles from a submarine. Both of use have to turn our keys."<br>
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George: "Well, then, I am gonna have to ask you to turn your
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key."<br>
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Maura: "I'm sorry, George, I can't do that."<br>
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George: "Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!"<br>
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<br>
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Elaine, walking on the street with Glenn: "So, how is a guy
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like you not<br>
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involved?"<br>
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Glenn: "Well, I might ask you the same thing."<br>
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Elaine, in her mind: "That's true, maybe he's not married."<br>
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[Glenn gives her a flower]<br>
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Elaine: "Oh, that is so sweet."<br>
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Elaine, in her mind: "How long do I have to hold this?"<br>
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Glenn, seeing a woman on the street: "Oh, no."<br>
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Elaine: "Who is it?"<br>
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Glenn, running with Elaine into an alley: "Uh, no one, no one.
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Here, uh, let<br>
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me show you a short cut. Come on."<br>
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Elaine, in her mind: "Married. That's it, I'm chucking the
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flower."<br>
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<br>
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Elaine, on the street below Jerry's window: "Jerry! Jerry!"<br>
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Jerry, looking down from his window: "Elaine, what are you
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doin' down there?"<br>
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Elaine: "You didn't hear me buzzing?"<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, I guess it's broken."<br>
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Elaine: "Throw down your key."<br>
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Jerry: "It's liable to bounce and go into a sewer."<br>
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Elaine: "I'll catch it!"<br>
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Jerry: "You'll chicken out at the last second."<br>
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Elaine: "Yeah, you're right."<br>
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Elaine: "All right. Well, will you at least keep me company
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until somebody<br>
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comes out?"<br>
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Jerry: "All right."<br>
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Jerry, after a pause: "Hey, you know what's weird?"<br>
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Elaine: "Huh?"<br>
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Jerry: "I used to be able to have a huge meal, go right to
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sleep. But I can't<br>
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anymore."<br>
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Elaine: "Nodding off!"<br>
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Elaine: "Well, I was right. He's an adulterer. And he's cheating
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on his wife<br>
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with me."<br>
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Elaine, to a passerby giving her a dirty look: "We haven't
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done anything yet."<br>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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Elaine: "I'm hungry. Can you throw something down?"<br>
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Jerry, throwing down a granola bar: "All right. Here!"<br>
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Jerry, walking away from the window: "I'm gonna try and fix
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the buzzer."<br>
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Elaine, from the street: "It went in the sewer!"<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, pulling apart his buzzer and finding the problem: "Hey..."<br>
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Kramer, entering Jerry's apartment and seeing him at the buzzer
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box: "What<br>
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are you doin'?"<br>
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Jerry: "You jammed your key in here? You shorted out my intercom!"<br>
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Kramer: "You just had to go lookin' for it, didn't you? See,
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you hate it that<br>
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I have a little secret. Anything I do -- oooh, oooh! -- you gotta
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know<br>
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everything about it. You're so obsessed with me."<br>
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Jerry, going into the hallway: "I'm gonna go let Elaine in."<br>
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Kramer: "What are you doing with her?"<br>
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Jerry, hearing the door lock behind him: "Kramer!"<br>
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Kramer: "Security issue!"<br>
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Jerry, seeing Elaine walking down the hallway towards him: "Oh,
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hey. You got<br>
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in."<br>
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Elaine, handing him a large stack of papers: "Yeah, flirted
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with the menu<br>
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guy."<br>
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Jerry, taking the menus: "Oh, thanks."<br>
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Kramer, clattering inside: "That wasn't me!"<br>
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Jerry: "So, he's definitely married, huh?"<br>
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Elaine: "Yeah..."<br>
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Jerry: "Boy, I would've loved to have been there when you told
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him off."<br>
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Elaine: "Hmm..."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, come on!"<br>
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Elaine: "Well, he could be a superhero! You should've seen
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him run."<br>
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Kramer, from inside Jerry's apartment: "OK!"<br>
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[Elaine and Jerry go back inside Jerry's apartment]<br>
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Kramer: "All right, Jerry. Let's see if you can get it in your
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head that this<br>
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is not an Easter egg hunt for your childish amusement."<br>
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George, from the street below Jerry's window: "Jerry!"<br>
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[George tries to whistle to get Jerry's attention]<br>
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Jerry: "George, the buzzer's broken! I'll come down!"<br>
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Jerry, putting on his coat to go downstairs, when he finds the key
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in his<br>
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coat pocket: "I believe this belongs to you."<br>
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Kramer: "Heyyyy!"<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, opening the ground floor door for George, and seeing him
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eating a<br>
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granola bar: "Where did you get that?"<br>
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George: "I bought it."<br>
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Phil, walking up to get inside with George: "Thanks."<br>
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Jerry, starting to close the door: "I'm sorry. I-I don't know
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you."<br>
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Phil: "What?"<br>
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Jerry: "There's been some robberies in the building. I-I can't
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let you in."<br>
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Phil: "But, I live here. I ran out to get some birdseed, and-and
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I forgot my<br>
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key."<br>
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George: "Sounds like a scam."<br>
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Jerry, closing the door on Phil: "Very sorry."<br>
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George, waiting for the up elevator with Jerry: "So, I broke
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up with Maura."<br>
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Jerry: "Great, you're lonely and miserable again."<br>
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George: "Feels right."<br>
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Jerry: "Is that guy still there?"<br>
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George, looking at the door: "He's starin' at us."<br>
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Jerry: "Don't look at him."<br>
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Jerry, when Phil starts to knock on the door: "We don't hear
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that."<br>
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George: "Want a bite?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, I don't."<br>
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<br>
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George, in his mind: "I think that ginger ale at the coffee
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shop is just Coke<br>
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and Sprite mixed together. How can I prove it? Ah! Can't, dammit."<br>
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Maura, coming in George's apartment: "Hey, Honey."<br>
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George: "What? M-Maura, what are you doin' here? I ended this
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relationship,<br>
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twice."<br>
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Maura: "George, you didn't mean that. That was just a fight."<br>
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George: "Why does it only seem like I'm the only one working
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at this breakup?"<br>
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Maura: "George, I listened to your arguments, and they were
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rambling and<br>
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flimsy. I'm not convinced. Come on, get dressed and let's get some
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dinner."<br>
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George: "All right."<br>
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Maura: "Eww, Mr. Apple. You have a brown spot."<br>
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<br>
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Elaine, at Glenn's small, dingy apartment with him: "So, this
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is your<br>
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little... love nest?"<br>
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Glenn: "It's nothing special, just a little place I keep."<br>
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Elaine: "Oh."<br>
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Glenn: "Ah, should I light a fire?"<br>
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Elaine: "Oh, that sounds romantic."<br>
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Glenn, going outside, through the window: "I'm having a little
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problem with<br>
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the heat. Uh, I got some cardboard out here."<br>
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Elaine, in her mind: "This is wrong. I should go."<br>
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Glenn, from outside: "Can you get that, please?"<br>
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Elaine: "Oh, sure."<br>
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[Elaine gasps when she opens the door, seeing the woman from the
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street that<br>
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Glenn had avoided earlier]<br>
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Lady: "Where's Glenn?"<br>
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Elaine: "You're the woman from the street, and I am so sorry.
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|
You know, I'm<br>
|
|
not really a home-wrecker. I-I-I-I thought he was a superhero. I
|
|
swear."<br>
|
|
Lady: "Lady, I'm not his wife, I'm his welfare caseworker.
|
|
Is he home?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "This is his home?"<br>
|
|
Lady: "Yes."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "So, he's..."<br>
|
|
Lady: "Poor."<br>
|
|
Glenn, coming back through the window carrying an old chair: "I
|
|
think this<br>
|
|
will burn!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, getting into his building elevator from the lobby, and seeing
|
|
Phil get<br>
|
|
in with him: "So you do live here."<br>
|
|
Phil: "Yeah."<br>
|
|
[going up in the elevator, both men awkwardly stand in silence]<br>
|
|
Jerry, getting off the elevator, as Phil is, too: "You live
|
|
on this floor?"<br>
|
|
Phil: "Yeah."<br>
|
|
Jerry, seeing Phil start to open his apartment door, only one door
|
|
down from<br>
|
|
Kramer's: "So you live right... there."<br>
|
|
Phil: "Yeah."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So I guess I'll see--"<br>
|
|
[Phil, going into his apartment, slams the door behind him]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine, with Jerry at Monk's: "He wouldn't give me his number
|
|
because he<br>
|
|
doesn't have a phone. He's not married. He's poor."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Is he wretchedly poor? Does he wear one of those barrels,
|
|
with the<br>
|
|
straps?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "He probably busted it up and burned it for heat."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So, when are you giving Boxcar Willie his walking papers?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "How can I end it over money? I feel bad."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Well, let's think. Have you ever dealt with the poor
|
|
in any other<br>
|
|
situation?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Yes. There was this homeless guy who used to urinate
|
|
on our garbage<br>
|
|
cans."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Good. How did you handle that?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Well, we gave him a few bucks, and... now he goes
|
|
in the alley<br>
|
|
across the street."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Same situation. Pay him off, and you're clean."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Well, I am not paying Glenn off to get out of this
|
|
relationship.<br>
|
|
Wh-what am I supposed to do, just walk into his hovel, and hand
|
|
him... well,<br>
|
|
how much do you think it would be?"<br>
|
|
George, entering Monk's: "Hey."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, where have you been?"<br>
|
|
George: "Seeing Maura. Apparently, I was unable to break up
|
|
beyond a<br>
|
|
reasonable doubt."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "If only he could have been cheating on his wife, you
|
|
know, things<br>
|
|
would have been so much simpler."<br>
|
|
George: "Who's this, Blue Arrow?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Green Lantern."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "We found out his super power was lack of money."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "All right."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "He's invulnerable to creditors."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "We get it."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "He's the 'Got-no-Green' Lantern."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Thank you."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, Elaine. Maybe his girlfriend is Lois Loan."<br>
|
|
Elaine, leaving: "Well crafted."<br>
|
|
George: "Hey, maybe this cheating thing is what I could use
|
|
to ditch Maura."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Sure, just tell Maura you're having an affair."<br>
|
|
George, now on the same side as the booth of Jerry, with Elaine's
|
|
side<br>
|
|
vacant: "She's like a district attorney. If it's not the truth,
|
|
I'll break<br>
|
|
under the cross. I actually have to do it."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Could you move over there?"<br>
|
|
[George reluctantly switches sides, so they're facing each other]<br>
|
|
George: "Hey, you know, there's this secretary at work that
|
|
always had a<br>
|
|
crush on me."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Really? How come you never pursued her before?"<br>
|
|
George: "She's too tan. It's the middle of the winter, she's
|
|
like a carrot."<br>
|
|
Elaine, coming back into Monk's: "Did I leave my glasses here?"<br>
|
|
Jerry, to Elaine: "He can wipe out his checking account in
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
a single bound!"<br>
|
|
Elaine, leaving again: "Keep 'em!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry, as he's entering his apartment to see Kramer there, disturbs
|
|
some<br>
|
|
sort of bird in the hallway, which makes a squawking noise]<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Hey."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "There's a giant parrot in the hallway."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "It's Phil's."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Who?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Our neighbor that you turned against. Anyway, I told
|
|
him it'd be<br>
|
|
fine with us if he wanted to let it stretch its wings out in the
|
|
hallway."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "What'd ya tell him that for?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Because since you've been playing God with the front
|
|
door, I've been<br>
|
|
tryin' to smooth things out, Jerry. In fact, I was just hanging
|
|
out at his<br>
|
|
place."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Really? What's it like? Is it nicer than mine? Where
|
|
does he have the<br>
|
|
couch?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, I don't know, but the key problem is solved.
|
|
I hid it at<br>
|
|
Phil's"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "He let you?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No, he doesn't know. So, uh, Phil won't be compulsively
|
|
looking for<br>
|
|
it like some people. You!"<br>
|
|
[going out into the hallway, Kramer is apparently attacked by the
|
|
parrot,<br>
|
|
because it starts squawking loudly, and Kramer runs back inside
|
|
Jerry's place]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, entering his apartment with the too-tan secretary: "So,
|
|
you... you<br>
|
|
say you've been in the city all winter?"<br>
|
|
Loretta: "I was in Maine for a couple days."<br>
|
|
George: "Well... here we are."<br>
|
|
Loretta: "George, I've always fantasized about jumping into
|
|
bed with you."<br>
|
|
George: "Ho ho!"<br>
|
|
Loretta: "But... I don't want to spoil things by sleeping with
|
|
you too soon."<br>
|
|
George: "Are you sure? 'Cause it could really help me out of
|
|
a jam."<br>
|
|
Loretta: "I want to build something with you, George."<br>
|
|
George: "Oh, not more building."<br>
|
|
Loretta: "And I won't take no for an answer."<br>
|
|
George: "No?"<br>
|
|
Loretta: "No."<br>
|
|
George, after hesitating: "All right."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine, in an alley with Glenn: "So, what are we doing in this
|
|
alley, anyway?"<br>
|
|
Glenn: "It's a surprise."<br>
|
|
Elaine, giggling: "Oh."<br>
|
|
[a nearby door opens, and a cook throws a garbage bag out into a
|
|
trash can;<br>
|
|
Glenn immediately goes for the bag]<br>
|
|
Elaine: "What are you doing? What is that?"<br>
|
|
Glenn: "It's a bag of donuts."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "It's garbage."<br>
|
|
Glenn, looking in the bag: "No, no, no, no, no. When they make
|
|
the new ones,<br>
|
|
the old ones come out right here."<br>
|
|
Elaine, pulling out her checkbook: "All right, that's it. How
|
|
do you spell<br>
|
|
your last name?"<br>
|
|
Glenn, still looking through the garbage bag: "It's a bear
|
|
claw! You have no<br>
|
|
idea how rare this is."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "I'll make it out to cash. How 'bout two hundred bucks?
|
|
Two-fifty?"<br>
|
|
Glenn, eating the bear claw: "Mmm!"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Make it three hundred."<br>
|
|
Glenn, handing her the bear claw: "You know, Elaine, you are
|
|
the bear claw in<br>
|
|
the garbage can of my life."<br>
|
|
Elaine, biting the bear claw: "Aw, Glenn."<br>
|
|
[the cook comes out again, dumping a bucket of water out in the
|
|
alley, and<br>
|
|
splashing Elaine and Glenn, but they're too wrapped up with each
|
|
other to<br>
|
|
notice]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, at Phil's door, which is answered by a woman wearing cleaning
|
|
gloves<br>
|
|
and carrying a cleaning bucket: "Hi. Is Phil here?"<br>
|
|
Phil, from inside the apartment: "Yeah, I'm here."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Phil... hi. I-I know we kind of got off to a bad start.
|
|
But your<br>
|
|
bird, which is lovely, by the way, made a mess on my door."<br>
|
|
Phil: "And?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "I thought maybe you'd clean it up, or your maid, there."<br>
|
|
Phil: "That's my wife."<br>
|
|
Jerry, after an awkward pause: "All right, I think we're done
|
|
here."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, in his apartment in a tuxedo, with George: "So, you're
|
|
in a<br>
|
|
relationship with a woman you don't like, and you're having an affair
|
|
with a<br>
|
|
woman who won't have sex with you."<br>
|
|
George: "This isn't going well."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "I cannot find my Jerry Lewis cufflinks. Without 'em,
|
|
I have no in!"<br>
|
|
George, starting to leave: "You don't need the cufflinks. You
|
|
have the same<br>
|
|
name. Jerry!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Where are you goin'? Help me look."<br>
|
|
George: "It's a big night. I'm, uh, ice skating with one, and
|
|
going to a<br>
|
|
staged reading of Godspell with the other."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Which is with who?"<br>
|
|
George, leaving: "It doesn't matter."<br>
|
|
Kramer, entering Jerry's apartment, in his own tuxedo: "Whoo!
|
|
Boy. Yeah, you<br>
|
|
clean up nice."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "I can't go until I find my cufflinks."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah, see? I knew you would lose 'em. That's why I
|
|
took 'em out of<br>
|
|
your dresser drawer and put 'em in my strongbox."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You're a lifesaver. Would you get them, please?"<br>
|
|
Kramer, going into the hall with Jerry: "Yeah, we'll stop by
|
|
Phil's, we'll<br>
|
|
pick up the key."<br>
|
|
[in the hall, Jerry and Kramer see Phil and his wife, both crying,
|
|
going into<br>
|
|
their apartment]<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Hey, what's going on?"<br>
|
|
Phil: "Fredo is dead."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "That strange Portuguese guy that lives next-door to
|
|
the incinerator?"<br>
|
|
Phil: "No! my bird. We just got back from the pet cemetery."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, Phil. Mrs. Phil. I'm so sorry."<br>
|
|
Phil: "Oh, I'll bet you are! They told us he was poisoned!
|
|
Something in his<br>
|
|
food."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "But I, I didn't--"<br>
|
|
[Phil slams the door on Jerry, and Kramer]<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Kramer, they think I killed Fredo! And who buries a
|
|
bird?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah. Just give it to the Portuguese guy, and he...
|
|
puts it in the<br>
|
|
incinerator."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Just get the key and let's get out here."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "You know, it's a funny thing about that bird dying.
|
|
I hid the key in<br>
|
|
Fredo's food dish. Whew! That's a weird coincidence."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Kramer!?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "What?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You killed Fredo!"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Fredo was weak and stupid. He shouldn't've eaten that
|
|
key."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Kramer, I need those cufflinks, but now they're in
|
|
the box, and the<br>
|
|
key is in the bird. What are we gonna do?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "You just answered your own question."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, no."<br>
|
|
Kramer, walking towards his apartment: "I'll get the shovel."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, at Monk's with Loretta: "The, uh, actor that played
|
|
Jesus made some<br>
|
|
odd choices."<br>
|
|
Loretta: "What?"<br>
|
|
George: "I mean, uh... I had fun ice skating."<br>
|
|
Maura, entering Monk's: "George?"<br>
|
|
George: "Maura. Oh, my God! What are you doing here?!"<br>
|
|
Maura: "You told me to meet you here for lunch."<br>
|
|
George, standing up and overreacting: "Oh, I'm caught in my
|
|
own web of lies!"<br>
|
|
Maura, to Loretta: "I'm Maura."<br>
|
|
Loretta, to Maura: "I'm Loretta. You want to join us?"<br>
|
|
George: "This is all blowing up in my face! My serious girlfriend,
|
|
and my<br>
|
|
torrid love affair have accidentally crossed paths. I have ruined
|
|
three<br>
|
|
lives. Well, I understand if you never want to see me again, so..."<br>
|
|
Maura: "George, what we have is too important. We can work
|
|
through this."<br>
|
|
Loretta: "So can we."<br>
|
|
George: "What? So, this is still not over?"<br>
|
|
Maura: "No."<br>
|
|
George: "You?"<br>
|
|
Loretta: "No."<br>
|
|
George, reluctantly sitting down: "All right."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Glenn, in his apartment with Elaine: "Elaine, wow, a TV, a
|
|
stereo?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Yeah, and I got you a cord of wood, so you won't have
|
|
to burn 'em."<br>
|
|
Glenn, as a woman walks in: "Oh, my God, Allison. You're home
|
|
early."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Who is this?"<br>
|
|
Allison: "His wife."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "You're poor and married?"<br>
|
|
Glenn: "Looks like it."<br>
|
|
Allison: "Who the hell are you?"<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Elaine: "I guess I'm Lois Loan."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, in the pet cemetery with Kramer: "Kramer, I can't believe
|
|
we're grave<br>
|
|
robbers."<br>
|
|
Kramer, reading a tombstone: "'Man's best friend.' Jerry, I
|
|
want something<br>
|
|
like that on my tombstone."<br>
|
|
Jerry, seeing Fredo's tombstone, and handing the shovel to Kramer:
|
|
"Oh, my<br>
|
|
God. Here he is. I don't want to dig him up."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "All right, then you're the one getting the key out
|
|
of him."<br>
|
|
Jerry, taking the shoevel back: "I'll dig."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Listen, I heard that Lassie #3 is buried around here.
|
|
I'm gonna go<br>
|
|
check it out."<br>
|
|
[as Jerry starts to dig, Kramer, still in his tux, walks off, trips
|
|
over a<br>
|
|
tombstone, and tries to appear dignified again]<br>
|
|
Jerry, hitting metal with the shovel: "Well, that was easy."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Phil, walking in the cemetery with his wife, near Fredo's grave:
|
|
"All right,<br>
|
|
Honey, one last look, then you have to let Fredo rest in peace."<br>
|
|
Jerry, pulling the metal box out of the ground: "Hey, Kramer!
|
|
I dug Fredo up,<br>
|
|
now let's cut him open!"<br>
|
|
Phil, seeing Jerry digging up the grave: "Oh, my God!"<br>
|
|
'Mrs. Phil': "Oh!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Hey, neighbor."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, in Jerry's apartment with Kramer, Jerry, and Elaine: "All
|
|
right. I'm<br>
|
|
gonna try givin' them fifty-five dollars each."<br>
|
|
George, to Elaine: "What do you think?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Give me forty, you'll never see me again."<br>
|
|
[Elaine flips her tongue at George, who rolls his eyes away]<br>
|
|
Elaine, to Jerry: "So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna
|
|
live here, or are<br>
|
|
you gonna move out, or what?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Ah, I'll just take the fire escape to get in and out
|
|
of the building."<br>
|
|
George, flipping open the lid of the strongbox: "So, what's
|
|
in the cooler?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh. Well, would you look at that. Guess I forgot to
|
|
lock it."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You mean it was open? We desecrated a pet cemetery
|
|
for something?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, this is one for the books, huh, Jerry? Really
|
|
one for the<br>
|
|
books.<br>
|
|
END<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Generously donated by: Ivy, Ivy's Seinfeld Page
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|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|