1117 lines
48 KiB
HTML
1117 lines
48 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Voice</h1>
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Episode 158 (October
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2, 1997)</p>
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<p>(Scene: In the
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Play Now office)</p>
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<p>Thomassoulo: George,
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you’re not really handicapped, are you? </p>
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<p>George: I’ve
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had my difficulties. </p>
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<p>Thomassoulo: I
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saw you running down Amsterdam Avenue lifting that 200 pound motorized
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cart with one hand. </p>
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<p>George: Mr. Thomassoulo
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during times of great stress, people are capable of super human
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strength. Have you ever seen the Incredible Hulk, sir?</p>
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<p>Thomassoulo: No
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</p>
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<p>George: How about
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the old Spider Man live action show?</p>
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<p>Thomassoulo: George,
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I’ve realized we’ve signed a one-year contract with you,
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but at this point I think it’s best that we both go our separate
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ways. </p>
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<p>George: I don’t
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understand.</p>
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<p>Thomassoulo: We
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don’t like you. We want you to leave. </p>
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<p>George: Clearer</p>
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<p>(Scene: At Monks
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Caf)</p>
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<p>Jerry: So you’re
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staying at Play Now?</p>
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<p>George: Why not?
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Pay is good. I got dental, private access to one of the great handicapped
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toilets in the city.</p>
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<p>Jerry: But they
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not you aren’t handicapped, aren’t you ashamed?</p>
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<p>George: They’re
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the ones who should be ashamed. They signed me to a one-year contract.
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As long as I show up for work every day, they have to pay me.</p>
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<p>(Elaine walks
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in)</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey</p>
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<p>Jerry & George:
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(doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o! </p>
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<p>George: Hello-o-o-o
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Elaine!</p>
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<p>Elaine: What’s
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that?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, it’s
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just this stupid thing. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Well,
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I’m sure it’s stupid. It’s not about me, is it?</p>
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<p>Jerry: (doing
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the voice) No-o-o-o.</p>
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<p>George: (doing
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the voice) Not at all.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Tell me!</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right.
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You know this girl Clare I am seeing? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, he
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and I starting joking that when she falls asleep her stomach stays
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awake all night and talks to me.</p>
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<p>Elaine: How is
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it talking?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, her
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belly button is like a mouth. (doing the voice) I’m bored.
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Talk to me.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh I gotta
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start taking these "stupid" warnings more seriously.</p>
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<p>(Puddy walks in)</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, look
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whose here - Puddy. </p>
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<p>Elaine: My Puddy?
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But we broke up.</p>
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<p>Jerry: And yet
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he continues to live.</p>
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<p>(Puddy walks over
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to the table)</p>
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<p>Puddy: Hey Benes,
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How are you?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I’m
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doing great. </p>
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<p>Puddy: Great.
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(pauses) See ya.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, that’s
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it. You two are back together.</p>
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<p>Elaine: What?</p>
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<p>Jerry: The bump
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into. The bump into always leads to the backslide.</p>
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<p>Elaine: David
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and I <i>will</i> not be getting back together. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Elaine,
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breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t
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do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times,
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and then it goes over.</p>
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<p>George: That’s
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beautiful.</p>
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<p>Elaine: What about
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you? You were even engaged, and you cut it off just like that.</p>
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<p>Jerry: That’s
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different. I didn’t have feelings for those people. But you,
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you’ll backslide</p>
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<p>Elaine: You want
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to bet?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Stakes?</p>
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<p>Elaine: 50</p>
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<p>Jerry: Dollars?</p>
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<p>Elaine: All right.
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Witness? (looks at George).</p>
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<p>George: Witness.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Done.</p>
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<p>George: Percentage?</p>
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<p>Jerry & Elaine:
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No.</p>
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<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
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apartment)</p>
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<p>Clare: So I’ll
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call you tonight?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
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<p>Clare: What’s
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wrong with the belt?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I went
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to the movies last night, I went to the bathroom and I unbuckled
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a little wobbly and the buckle kind of banged against the side of
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the urinal. So…(throws away belt) that’s it!</p>
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<p>Clare: So, you’re
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insane?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh yes,
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quite.</p>
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<p>(Kramer walks
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in)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hello!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Of course
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it’s a sliding scale.</p>
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<p>Clare: Catch you
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later.</p>
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<p>Kramer & Jerry:
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(doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o! (haha)</p>
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<p>Jerry: (doing
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the voice) La la la.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (doing
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the voice) La la la.</p>
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<p>(Kramer is reading
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the newspaper at the table)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Look at
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this, they are redoing the Cloud Club.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, that
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restaurant on top of the Chrysler building? Yeah, that’s a
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good idea.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Of course
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it’s a good idea, it’s <i>my</i> idea. I conceived this
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whole project two years ago.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Which part?
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The renovating the restaurant you don’t own part or spending
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the two hundred million you don’t have part?</p>
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<p>Kramer: You see
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I come up with these things, I know they’re gold, but nothing
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happens. You know why?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No resources,
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no skill, no talent, no ability, no brains.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (interrupts)
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No, no…time! It’s all this meaningless time. Laundry,
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grocery, shopping, coming in here talking to you. Do you have any
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idea how much time I waste in this apartment?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I can ball
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park it.</p>
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<p>(Elaine walks
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in – how did she come up without the buzzer?)</p>
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<p>Elaine: (doing
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the voice) Hello-o-o-o!</p>
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<p>Kramer: Here we
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go; now she comes in. Now my whole day is shot!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, I
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called you last night, where were you?</p>
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<p>Elaine: (looking
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VERY guilty) I went out with a (fake cough) a friend.</p>
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<p>Jerry: George?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Elaine: (looking
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guiltier) No, no…no.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, I
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was here, that’s everyone (laughing).</p>
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<p>Elaine: (laughing).</p>
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<p>Jerry: Are those
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the same shoes as yesterday?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, you
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know I wear these shoes all the time. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Your hair,
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it’s somewhat de-poofed. </p>
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<p>Elaine: It’s
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the new look. You know Heroin Cheek? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Wait a
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second, what’s going on here?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Nothing,
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nothing. </p>
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<p>Jerry: (screams).</p>
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<p>Elaine: (screams).</p>
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<p>Jerry: You’re
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wearing the same clothes as yesterday!!! (pauses) You saw Puddy!</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hoochie
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moochie. (haha)</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hand it
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over. Pay up.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No! It’s
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an isolated, sexual incident. We are <i>not</i> back together!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Then what
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do you call it? People don’t just bump into each other and
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have sex. This isn’t cinemax.</p>
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<p>Elaine: It was
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no big deal OK? I mean we fooled around, then we went out and grabbed
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a little dinner. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Ah, dinner!
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That’s it, you’re all the way back!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Ugh!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Sex, that’s
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meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy.
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That’s like an hour.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (still
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reading the paper) Man, 2.9 percent financing on a Toyota Onedun
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(Sp?). That was my idea too!</p>
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<p>(Scene: At Play
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Now)</p>
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<p>George: Good Morning!</p>
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<p>Co-worker: Go
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to hell!</p>
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<p>George: Hi Allison,
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that’s a nice dress.</p>
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<p>Allison: Don’t
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even look at me.</p>
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<p>George: Hey Glenn!</p>
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<p>Glenn: Hey, go
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tell hell!</p>
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<p>George: Heard
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that one already.</p>
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<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
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apartment)</p>
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<p>(Jerry walks in.
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Kramer is showing his "intern," Darren around)</p>
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<p>Kramer: …So
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that’s the bedroom. Here’s the bathroom. If you need to,
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you can familiarize yourself with the kitchen…Yeah, go ahead
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and look through some of the drawers. </p>
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<p>Jerry: And you
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are?</p>
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<p>Darren: Oh, hey,
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I’m Darren. I’m new here.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah,
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that’s Jerry, you don’t have to worry about him. Why don’t
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you go across the hall and get started on that mail.</p>
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<p>Darren: Right!</p>
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<p>Kramer: He’s
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a go getter!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Who’s
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he? </p>
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<p>Kramer: My intern
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from NYU. Well, you remember my corporation, Kramerica Industries.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Alright.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well,
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apparently NYU is very enthusiastic about their students getting
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some real world corporate experience. </p>
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<p>Jerry: But you
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only provide fantasy world corporate experience.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Well,
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this will really free up my time so I can focus on more important
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things, like my bladder system.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Alright,
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it’s time to go. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Jerry,
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it’s not for people, it’s for oil tankers.</p>
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<p>Jerry: (sarcastically)
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I know!</p>
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<p>(Jerry tries to
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shove Kramer out the door)</p>
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<p>Kramer: You see
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the idea is for a rubber ball inside the tanker so if it crashes,
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the oil won’t spill out.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Actually,
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that is not a bad idea.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (smiles)
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yeah.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Now, it’s
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time to go.</p>
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<p>(slams door)</p>
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<p>(phone rings)</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hello</p>
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<p>George: (doing
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the voice) Hello-o-o-o. (He’s sitting on the floor in his Play
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Now office).</p>
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<p>Jerry: (doing
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the voice) Hello-o-o-o. (pauses) So, what’s going on?</p>
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<p>George: Siege mentality Jerry. They really want me out of here. They’ve
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downgraded me to some sort of a bunker. I’m like Hitler’s
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|
last days here.</p>
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<p>Jerry: So, are
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|
you going to leave?</p>
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<p>George: Oh no!
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I’m vigilant. They’ll never get me out. I’m like
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a weed, Jerry.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I thought
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you’re like Hitler in the bunker?</p>
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<p>George: I’m
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a weed in Hitler’s bunker.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I’m
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getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff. (his other
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line beeps) I’m getting another call, see ya…(answers
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call) Hello!</p>
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<p>Darren: Hi, this
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is Darren from Kramer’s office. Mr. Kramer would like to schedule
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a lunch with you at Monk’s coffee shop.</p>
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<p>Jerry: (looking
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shocked) Really? When?</p>
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<p>Darren: In 10
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minutes. Do you need directions?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I don’t.</p>
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<p>Darren: Well,
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I’ll call back in 5 minutes to confirm. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah,
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5.</p>
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<p>(Elaine walks
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in – again, how did she get up without the buzzer?)</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey!</p>
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|
<p>Jerry: Hey! So,
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|
where’s my money?</p>
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<p>Elaine: No money,
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I am Puddy free. So, are we eating or what?</p>
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|
<p>Jerry: Oh yeah,
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|
hold on.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry calls Kramer
|
|
and Darren answers)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hello Darren,
|
|
this is Jerry from Jerry’s office. (Elaine is looking confused).
|
|
We’re going to be three for lunch. (Elaine is still looking
|
|
confused) What do you mean he’s already left?</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer walks
|
|
in)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, Elaine
|
|
is going to come with us, alright?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What?
|
|
When did this happen?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, just…</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (yelling)
|
|
DARREN!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Elaine’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>(Sitting on the
|
|
couch thinking to herself)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I am <i>not</i>
|
|
calling Puddy. What did I do with my gloves? Oh, I bet I left them
|
|
over at Puddy’s. I should call him. I need those gloves. No,
|
|
I better not. I’ll call. (looks at table) Oh, look at that!
|
|
There are the gloves. I was just about to call. There they are.
|
|
That’s funny. That’s really funny. That’s really
|
|
really funny. You know who loves funny stories, David Puddy. (Picks
|
|
up phone).</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Monk’s
|
|
Cafe)</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well,
|
|
Play Now is through playing. They turned the heat way up in my office.
|
|
They tried to sweat me out.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Do you
|
|
have to write <i>all</i> this stuff down.</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Well,
|
|
Mr. Kramer is in a meeting with Mr. Lohmase and he didn’t want
|
|
to miss anything.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So, how
|
|
hot did it get?</p>
|
|
<p>George: I don’t
|
|
know, 120, 130…Then they sent some guys to sandblast for 6
|
|
hours. Tomorrow they are putting in asbestos. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I guess
|
|
you can take anything, but actual work.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Bring
|
|
it on!</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer walks
|
|
in)</p>
|
|
<p>George: (doing
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
the voice) Hello-o-o-o Kramer!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (doing
|
|
the voice) Wel-l-l-c-o-m-e!</p>
|
|
<p>George: (doing
|
|
the voice) La la la.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Sorry
|
|
I couldn’t get out of there, what did I miss? (asking his "intern")</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Well,
|
|
after ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza debated on whether
|
|
or not iron man wore some sort under garment between his skin and
|
|
his iron suit…</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Uh huh…</p>
|
|
<p>George: (Interrupts)
|
|
And I still say he’s naked under there!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh that
|
|
makes a lot of sense.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, shut
|
|
up!</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: …Then
|
|
Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, at which point Mr. Costanza scooped
|
|
ice out of Mr. Seinfeld’s drink with his bare hands using it
|
|
to wash up (Jerry is taking a sip of water and looking mad) then
|
|
Mr. Costanza remarked to me, "This never happened." (Jerry
|
|
then spits out the water).</p>
|
|
<p>(George is looking
|
|
pissed off)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment in his bed)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (giggling)</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: What’s
|
|
so funny?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, nothing.
|
|
(still giggling)</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: What are
|
|
you laughing about? Tell me.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh all
|
|
right, this is really dumb, really stupid. We’ve been doing
|
|
this silly, dumb voice.</p>
|
|
<p>(Clare storms
|
|
out of the room mad!)</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: So is it
|
|
fun humiliating me?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, it’s
|
|
not you. It’s your stomach, he’s taking with this funny,
|
|
booming, jovial voice. (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o.</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: So you
|
|
think I’m fat?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No it’s…</p>
|
|
<p>(Darren walks
|
|
in)</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Mr. Kramer
|
|
says, "hey buddy!"</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, we’re
|
|
kind of in the middle of something here. Would you mind coming back
|
|
later?</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Oh yeah
|
|
sure, sure. Should we set something up now?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Screams)
|
|
GET OUT!</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: I’m
|
|
leaving too.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No body
|
|
said you’re fat. He’s a loving character, like the Kool-ade
|
|
guy.</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: <i>He</i>
|
|
is fat!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, he’s
|
|
just a little bloated.</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: Good-bye!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It’s
|
|
mostly water weight.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer walks
|
|
in)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Boysenberry,
|
|
the kid is still learning.</p>
|
|
<p>(Darren is standing
|
|
in the hallway on the phone)</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Mr. Kramer…Dean,
|
|
my internship is on line two, she wants to set up a meeting.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah,
|
|
well nothing before noon.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Line two?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah,
|
|
your phone is line one.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh…</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Elaine’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: So the
|
|
gloves were right by the phone. That is pretty funny.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: See, this
|
|
is what Jerry’s doesn’t understand. We can see each other.
|
|
We can see each other every day, but it doesn’t mean we are
|
|
back together.</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: I mean
|
|
I love just seeing you and having sex.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Not having
|
|
to do all that…you know…work.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well,
|
|
either way…</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: All that
|
|
calling you, and buying you stuff…</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: David…</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Caring
|
|
about how everyone at work isn’t as smart as you. It’s
|
|
brutal.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Alright
|
|
that’s it! We’re back together!</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Oh, no.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Look Elaine,
|
|
be reasonable.</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine kisses
|
|
Puddy)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Get those
|
|
clothes off. You’re going to spend the night and we’re
|
|
going to cuddle.</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You heard
|
|
me. Strip!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Play
|
|
Now)</p>
|
|
<p>(George is walking
|
|
in the hallway to his office. He sees his office has been boarded
|
|
up)</p>
|
|
<p>George: (whistling)….(laughing)….Alright……OK….</p>
|
|
<p>(George goes through
|
|
air vent – in his office)</p>
|
|
<p>George: (on phone
|
|
– calling secretary) Hello Margery, George Costanza. How are
|
|
you sweet heart? Listen, can you give Mr. Thomassoulo a message
|
|
for me? …Yes. If he needs me, tell him (screams) I’M IN
|
|
MY OFFICE! Thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At NYU)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Dean Jones,
|
|
you wanting to talk to me?</p>
|
|
<p>Dean Jones: I’ve
|
|
been reviewing Darren’s internship journal. Doing laundry…</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: …Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Dean Jones: …Mending
|
|
chicken wire, hi-tea with a Mr. Newman.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I know
|
|
it sounds pretty glamorous, but it’s business as usual at Kramerica.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Dean Jones: As
|
|
far as I can tell your entire enterprise is more than a solitary
|
|
man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: And with
|
|
Darren’s help, we’ll get that chicken.</p>
|
|
<p>Dean Jones: I’m
|
|
sorry, but we can’t allow Darren to continue working with you.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well,
|
|
I have to say this seems capricious and arbitrary.</p>
|
|
<p>Dean Jones: You
|
|
fly is open.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry & Clare
|
|
are talking by the doorway)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So you’re
|
|
sure you’re not still angry about last night?</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: No, I’m
|
|
fine. Just as long as you don’t ever do that voice again.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Never?</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: Never.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What about
|
|
if you’re not around?</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: No!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So I have
|
|
to choose between seeing you and doing the voice?</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: That’s
|
|
right.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I can do
|
|
that.</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: So what’s
|
|
your decision?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don’t
|
|
know.</p>
|
|
<p>(At the dock or
|
|
beach)</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry is thinking
|
|
to himself – looking quite funny)</p>
|
|
<p>(He’s thinking
|
|
about all the times him and Clare spent together. He’s trying
|
|
to decide if he likes her more or the voice more)</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry knocks
|
|
on Clare’s door)</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: Jerry…HI.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (doing
|
|
the voice) Hello-o-o-o. La-la-la. (haha)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>George: You broke
|
|
up with her? Why?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So we could
|
|
do the voice. (doing the voice) La-la-la. What’s the matter?</p>
|
|
<p>George: I think
|
|
I’m getting tired of it. I mean is that all it does? Hello?
|
|
La-la-la?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, it
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
can do anything. It can be Spanish. (doing the voice) Hola. Hello-o-o-o.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I think
|
|
I like the girl better than the voice.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine walks
|
|
in – how does she keep getting up without that buzzer?!)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (doing
|
|
the voice) Hello-o-o-o.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Still?</p>
|
|
<p>George: I told
|
|
you.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Alright,
|
|
here you go, choke on it (hands him money).</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: See, never
|
|
bet against the backslide. I knew you two would get back together.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah,
|
|
well not for long. I’m breaking up with him.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I don’t
|
|
think so. I’ve seen you two together. You make each other miserable.
|
|
It’s kismet.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Double
|
|
or nothing.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Done.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (talking
|
|
from bathroom) Witness?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You’re
|
|
in there again. </p>
|
|
<p>George: I think
|
|
Play Now is putting something in my food.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer walks
|
|
in)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Alright,
|
|
I’m out of here.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What is
|
|
this? (Kramer is wearing jeans that look like it doesn’t fit
|
|
him).</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I don’t
|
|
know. I found them in your closet. Ever since Darren left I haven’t
|
|
been able to find anything. He took all my clothes to some cleaners.
|
|
I’m clueless. (looks at clock) Is that clock right?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah. Nine
|
|
o’clock.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I was
|
|
supposed to pick up Newman at the zoo twelve hours ago.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (doing
|
|
the voice) Good-bye Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry,
|
|
buddy, I got to tell you something. That voice is played.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: So played.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I told
|
|
you.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: Hallway,
|
|
Darren is knocking on Kramer’s door)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Darren?
|
|
What are you doing here? The college canceled the internship.</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: I don’t
|
|
care about the internship. I care about Kramerica.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Kramerica
|
|
is no more.</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: What about
|
|
the oil tanker bladder system? We were going to put an end to maritime
|
|
oil spills.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Probably.
|
|
Darren, you go home. Forget about Kramerica.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer slams
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer opens
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well,
|
|
you’re still here?</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: I haven’t
|
|
had time to leave.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well,
|
|
I haven’t changed my mind.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer slams
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer opens
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well,
|
|
you are a tenacious little monkey. Alright, I’ll do it. Kramerica
|
|
industries lives! Let’s get back to work!</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer slams
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer opens
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Let’s
|
|
see what Jerry has to eat.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Play
|
|
Now – in the bosses office)</p>
|
|
<p>Thomassoulo: You
|
|
win George. We’ve had it. If you leave right now, Play Now
|
|
will give you six months pay. That’s half of your entire contract.
|
|
Please…just go.</p>
|
|
<p>George: You see
|
|
if I stay the whole year, I get it all.</p>
|
|
<p>Thomassoulo: Want
|
|
to play hand ball huh? Fine. (calls on intercom) Attention Play
|
|
Now employees, George Costanza’s handicapped bathroom is now
|
|
open on the sixteenth floor to all employees and their families.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well played.</p>
|
|
<p>Thomassoulo: I’ll
|
|
see you in hell Costanza.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (on the
|
|
phone with Clare) Clare thanks for giving me a second chance. Our
|
|
relationship is certainly worth more than some silly, stupid voice.
|
|
Hold on one second. (George walks in – Jerry asks George) So
|
|
we definitely don’t want to do the voice anymore? (George shakes
|
|
his head NO) Alright, we’re back together again, great. Bye
|
|
bye.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: Hallway
|
|
– Kramer & Darren are pushing an oil tank.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Trouble
|
|
down at the plant?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It’s
|
|
a tank of oil. Darren and I are finally going to test out my bladder
|
|
system.</p>
|
|
<p>George: You have
|
|
to drink that whole thing?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No. No.
|
|
No. It’s for oil tankers. All I need to do is fill some sort
|
|
of rubber container with oil and then drop it to see whether or
|
|
not it can restrain the impact.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I understand
|
|
(not really understanding, lol).</p>
|
|
<p>George: Would
|
|
a giant rubber ball work?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Conceivably.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well,
|
|
Play Now has all kinds of different rubber balls. Why don’t
|
|
we test your bladder system at my office?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You’re
|
|
not…</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, yes
|
|
I am. Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty. Well, there’s nothing
|
|
dirtier than a giant ball of oil.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Monk’s
|
|
Cafe)</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Hey, you
|
|
want to split a root beer (I think that’s what he says)?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I don’t
|
|
think so David, we’re through.</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Oh…That’s
|
|
a nice sweater (Elaine smiles).</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Elaine’s
|
|
house – the two are in bed)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Whew that
|
|
was a dozy.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine throws
|
|
down money on the table).</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Go again?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Book it.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (again
|
|
from bathroom) Witness.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Elaine’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: David
|
|
I know this hurts, but it’s the way it has to be (Puddy is
|
|
giving her a look like he’s going to still get some).</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine is placing
|
|
money on the table one by one)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ha ha ha.
|
|
Ha ha ha ha. </p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: Jerry
|
|
and Elaine at the movies)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I’m
|
|
going to get some popcorn. </p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Jerry’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine hands
|
|
Jerry money)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So, how
|
|
did it end?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: They got
|
|
away.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: uh.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Elaine’s
|
|
apartment)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Listen
|
|
David, I’ve got to run. Can you lend me fifty bucks?</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Play
|
|
Now)</p>
|
|
<p>(Darren &
|
|
Kramer are pushing the ball of oil – Jerry walks in)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Did you
|
|
bring the video camera?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, I
|
|
put a six hour tape in. That should cover the experiment, the arrest,
|
|
and most of your trial. Alright, I’ll see ya.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, you
|
|
might want to stick around Jerry. Mr. Thomassoulo picked the wrong
|
|
man to hire because he was fake handicapped.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Jerry: I can’t.
|
|
I got to meet Clare.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You gave
|
|
up the voice?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, I
|
|
thought it was stupid. Unless you guys are liking it again.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer & George:
|
|
No. No</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Darren?</p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Sorry
|
|
Mr. Seinfeld.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Uh, bathroom.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey, use
|
|
mine. I’ll let you in.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I thought
|
|
it was open to the public.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I uh,
|
|
took care of that.</p>
|
|
<p>(Both go to the
|
|
bathroom, which looks really nice)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Wow! Zanadu
|
|
. No wonder you’re putting in so many hours. (looks at urinal)
|
|
May I?</p>
|
|
<p>George: I insist.
|
|
I’ll fix us a drink. (phone rings – who would that be?)
|
|
I got it.</p>
|
|
<p>(Back to Kramer
|
|
& Darren in George’s office)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Whew.
|
|
You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago
|
|
that some day I’d be standing here about to solve the worlds
|
|
energy problems, I would’ve said you’re crazy… Now
|
|
let’s push this giant ball of oil out the window.</p>
|
|
<p>(Back in the bathroom)</p>
|
|
<p>George: So, check
|
|
out my view.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Wow! Hey,
|
|
there’s Clare. I better go down.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey, there’s
|
|
Kramer & Darren.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: There’s
|
|
the giant ball of oil. Clare’s right underneath that thing.
|
|
Clare! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o!</p>
|
|
<p>Clare: I don’t
|
|
believe this. I am <i>not</i> looking up if you’re going to
|
|
do that voice.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Bombs
|
|
away (Uh oh).</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: This is
|
|
going to be a shame.</p>
|
|
<p>(SPLAT!)</p>
|
|
<p>George: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well,
|
|
that didn’t work. Hey, how about this…ketchup and mustard
|
|
in the same bottle? </p>
|
|
<p>Darren: Oh that
|
|
sounds interesting sir.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>(Police sirens
|
|
– uh oh)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Monk’s
|
|
Caf)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Clare won
|
|
her lawsuit against Play Now. Gee, Play Now is filing for bankruptcy.
|
|
I guess you’re not going in anymore. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So they’re
|
|
not paying you your…</p>
|
|
<p>George: No.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So you’re
|
|
pretty much…</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What ever
|
|
happened to Darren?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Darren
|
|
is going away for a long long time. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So Clare
|
|
sure looked real funny covered in oil like that… (doing the
|
|
voice) Hello-o-o-o I got beamed with a giant ball of oil…</p>
|
|
<p>George: (doing
|
|
the voice) I’m slippery as an eel…</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (doing
|
|
the voice) La la la.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I’m
|
|
just so glad it’s back.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene: At Elaine’s
|
|
apartment in bed with Puddy AGAIN)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: See, this
|
|
is good. This is the way it should be. You know why are we fooling
|
|
ourselves. We belong together.</p>
|
|
<p>Puddy: Elaine:
|
|
I want to break up.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ah nuts!</p>
|
|
<p>END!</p>
|
|
<p>Text Copyright
|
|
2001, Ivy <a href="mailto:(Seinfeld10@aol.com">(Seinfeld10@aol.com</a>).
|
|
<br>
|
|
All rights reserved.<br>
|
|
Members.aol.com/Seinfeld10 – Ivy’s Seinfeld Page</p>
|
|
<p>
|
|
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<p ></p>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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