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734 lines
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<h1>The Wallet</h1>
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Transcribed by: The NewsGuy(MIke)<em> </em>
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<p><em>Written by: Larry David </em></p>
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<p><em>Directed by: Tom Cherones</em> </p>
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<p>With</p>
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<p>Stephen McHattie [ Dr. Reston ], <br>
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David Sage [ Dr. Dembrow ], <br>
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Susan Ilene Johnson [ Nurse ], <br>
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Denise Dowse [ Receptionist ], <br>
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Brian Leckner [ Attendant ] </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Monologue;</p>
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<p>Don't you hate "to be continued" on TV. It's horrible when
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you sense the "to be continued" coming. You know, you're watching
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the show. You're into the story. There's like five minutes left and suddenly
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you realize, "Hey, they can't make it." Timmy's still stuck
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in the cave. There's no way they wrap this up in five minutes. I mean
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the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long
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boring story with no point to it, I have my life. A comedian can't do
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that, see. I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig under his
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arm - Can you come back next week?" </p>
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<p>[In Jerry's Car]</p>
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<p>JERRY: George and I went up to NBC and we told them our idea for a series
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now we're just waiting to sign the contract.</p>
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<p>HELEN: And they liked your idea?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
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<p>MORTY: What'ya got leather seats here? </p>
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<p>HELEN: Since when is George a writer?</p>
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<p>JERRY: What writer? It's a sitcom. </p>
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<p>HELEN: That's exciting. When are you going to sign the contract?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Soon, there's a couple of problems.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Jerry, I wanna tell you that meal was the worst.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What do you expect? It's airline food. </p>
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<p>MORTY: . . . give you fish.</p>
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<p>JERRY: How could you eat fish on a plane?</p>
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<p>MORTY: because she puts up such a big stink every time I have a piece
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of meat.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>HELEN: What kind of problems?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, George doesn't think $13,000 is enough money.</p>
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<p>HELEN: What? He's not even working.</p>
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<p>MORTY: George is right. Those people will try to get away with murder.
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Believe me. They're all crooks. </p>
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<p>HELEN: Jerry, I want you to sign that contract. </p>
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<p>JERRY: We're going to sign it. We're going to sign it. In fact George
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is out with the woman from NBC right now. </p>
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<p>[George's car]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: So, I'm uh, I'm afraid we're going to have to pass.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: You're passing?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, it's . . . much too low. </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Are you and Jerry in complete agreement on this?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ah, yeah, . . . I believe I can speak for the both of us on this.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Because you know, because this is your first show this is a pretty
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standard deal.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Standard? </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Yeah. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Is Ted Danson's deal standard? </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Ted Danson?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You know, the guy from Cheers.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Yeah, I know who he is. (laughs) You're not Ted Danson.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I didn't say I was Ted Danson.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: All right, I'll tell Russell tomorrow.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: - </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Oh, uh, before I forget, . . . cigars. A present from my father.
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</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, uh, do I have to write him a note or something? </p>
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<p>SUSAN: Yeah, I am sure he'd appreciated that.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: But what do I say in the note?</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Ah, you're a writer. You'll think of something. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, uh, yeah, I'm a writer, (laughs)</p>
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<p>[Jerry's car at gas station]</p>
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<p>HELEN: Were you waiting long at the gate?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't even know?</p>
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<p>HELEN: Where's that watch we bought you?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh uh </p>
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<p>[Flashback to street] </p>
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<p>JERRY: That's enough with this piece of junk I've had it. (throws watch
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in garbage)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: That's the one your parents bought you?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, but it never worked.</p>
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<p>[Back to present day in car at gas station]</p>
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<p>JERRY: . . . it's being fixed. </p>
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<p>MORTY: I got a guarantee on that watch. Give it to me, I'll take it back
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to where I got it. </p>
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<p>JERRY: It's at the jeweler.</p>
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<p>MORTY: You send me the bill.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm not sending you the bill. </p>
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<p>HELEN: That watch was a gift. You shouldn't have to pay for it.</p>
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<p>GSUSAN: That's uh, $18.50.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Here, I got it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What are you talking about? It's my car. You can pay for the gas.</p>
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<p>MORTY: No, no put it away . . . </p>
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<p>JERRY: Dad!</p>
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<p>MORTY: Stop it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I have money. I make money.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Yeah, yeah, you make money.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You don't think I make money. That's what you think isn't it?</p>
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<p>HELEN: No, I don’t think that.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yes you do. That's what you both think. </p>
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<p>MORTY: I'll pay.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm paying. </p>
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<p>MORTY: Get out of here.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You're not paying </p>
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<p>MORTY: Jerry please,</p>
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<p>JERRY: You're not doing this. </p>
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<p>(both fighting to pay)</p>
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<p>[Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Boy, you got a lot of stuff here. . . . Dad, what are you doing?</p>
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<p>MORTY: Nothing nothing.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Leave it. What about your back? </p>
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<p>HELEN: Morty, what are you doing?</p>
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<p>MORTY: All right, all right.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You come all the way up here to see a back specialist and you're
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lifting heavy suit cases.</p>
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<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, Morty.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hey, Mr. Kramer.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, Mrs. Seinfeld.</p>
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<p>HELEN: What happened to you?<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Well some guy kicked me in the side of the head. </p>
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<p>HELEN: What guy?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Crazy Joe Devola. </p>
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<p>HELEN: Why?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, I was having this party and I didn't invite him and Jerry
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tipped him off. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Why did you tell this crazy guy that Kramer didn't invite him
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to his party? </p>
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<p>JERRY: I didn't know he wasn't invited</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hey, these are very comfortable pants. You know what I paid for
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these Jerry?</p>
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<p>HELEN: So why did you say anything?</p>
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<p>JERRY: It was a mistake.</p>
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<p>MORTY: They're good around the house and they're good for outside.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Are you okay?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, yeah, yeah. I was a little off last week - but the doctor
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says it was just a slight concussion </p>
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<p>HELEN: So what's the matter with this Devola guy?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's got like a chemical imbalance. He needs to be on medication.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, yeah. He's after Jerry now. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Kramer!!</p>
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<p>HELEN: He's what?!</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's joking.</p>
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<p>HELEN: He's after you? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Nooo.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Why is he after you?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's not after me. </p>
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<p>HELEN: Morty, did you here this? Some crazy guy is after Jerry.</p>
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<p>HELEN: I'll make a few phone calls.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Who are you going to call?</p>
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<p>MORTY: What are you worried about?</p>
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<p>HELEN: I want to know what you did to this guy that he's after you.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I didn't do anything.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Well you must have done something.</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, he just doesn't like me.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Doesn't like you? How can anyone not like you? </p>
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<p>JERRY: You know, it seems impossible.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Doesn't like you? How can that be?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Ma, I know this may be hard for you to understand but I am sure
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there are many people who do not like me.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Huh, Jerry, don't say that.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It's true.</p>
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<p>HELEN: No, it's not true. You're a wonderful, wonderful boy. Everybody
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likes you. It's impossible not to like you. Impossible. Morty?</p>
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<p>MORTY: Maybe some people don't like him. I could see that.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Kramer?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, I like him. Hey Jerry, what time you got?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Um, huh, I don't have my watch on. It's being fixed.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: When you getting it back?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Uh, next week.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Next week? How come it's taking so long? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Huh?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I said how come it's taking so long? </p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't know. They're backed up.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: wait a minute, wait a minute, where did you take it? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Where'd I take it?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Where did I take it? Where Did I Take It? (stabbing with knife)
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Um, to that place on, uh Columbus and uh, 85<sup>th</sup>. Okay?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>KRAMER: Jimmy Sherman's?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, I know the guy. I take my stuff in there all the time.
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Yeah, I bet I can get your watch back by tomorrow morning.</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, Kramer, I don't want you to say anything to him</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I'd be happy to.</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's a friend of mine.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'd like to follow the regular procedures. I don't want any special
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treatment.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, I'm going to get that watch back for you by tomorrow, buddy.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Give me the receipt.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I'll get that too. (exits)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Be right back. (follows Kramer out)</p>
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<p>[In the hallway]</p>
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<p>JERRY: . . . I threw it in the garbage can on the street. It didn't keep
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good time. My parents gave it to me so don't mention it again, okay! </p>
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<p>KRAMER: All right.</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Wait, wait , . . . </p>
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<p>[Jerry reenters his own apartment]</p>
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<p>HELEN: What was that about? </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, oh, uh, he's got my Calamine lotion and uh, I told him not
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to return it. If he needs it he should keep it. He's got uh, he's got
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a thing on his ankle.</p>
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<p>HELEN: How can anyone not like him. </p>
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<p>[Back doctor's office]</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hi, Morty Seinfeld. I have a two o'clock appointment.</p>
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<p>RECEPTIONIST: Yes, Mr. Seinfeld. Would you please fill in this form(?).</p>
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<p>MORTY: All this? This whole thing? It's going to take me forty-five minutes.</p>
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<p>RECEPTIONIST: I know. It's very long.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Look at this. It's a book. Employer's address. What do they need
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this? You know I never had a back problem until that night I slept on
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the convertible sofa. My back was fine.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Well, it's not the sofa.</p>
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<p>MORTY: You stick up for that sofa like I'm criticizing a person. </p>
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<p>HELEN: We got it at Sullivan's. It's a good store.</p>
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<p>MORTY: One day somebody's going to sleep on that thing and we'll get
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sued. I hope this doctor knows what he's doing. </p>
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<p>HELEN: Leo says he's the best there is.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Leo, I'm listening to Leo now!</p>
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<p>HELEN: You're lucky he was able to get you this appointment. You know
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what the waiting list is for this guy? </p>
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<p>MORTY: Well, if he fixes my back I'll be happy. . . . (back to the form)
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Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease? That's IT! . . . Here,
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you got my name, you got my address. That's enough.</p>
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<p>RECEPTIONIST: Julie, you want to take him back?</p>
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<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
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<p>JERRY: You what? You passed? How could you do that?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Jerry, my young friend, you are so nave. You are so so nave.
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You know about a few things. You know about comedy, a little bit about
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relationships, some baseball, but you are so far out of your element here,
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you are embarrassing yourself. Now listen to me. I am negotiating. Negotiation,
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this is what you do in business. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Let me explain to you what you just did. There are literally hundreds
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of people trying to get pilot deals with them this year. They go with
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maybe, five. Okay, if we pass, they go to the next show. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Ooooo, I'm scared. . . . Ooooo they're not going to do the show.
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</p>
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<p>JERRY: We're lucky they are even interested in the idea in the first
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place. We got a show about nothing. With no story. What do you think,
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they're up there going, maybe we should give those two guys, who have
|
|
no experience and no idea, more money! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oooo what are we going to do? I'm shaking! I'm shaking!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I think you're wrong.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, we'll just see.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yes we will. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes we will.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I just said that.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I know you did.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So good for you.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So good for you.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: We'll you're repeating everything I'm saying?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: We'll you're repeating everything I'm saying?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well George is an idiot.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well George,,. . . .</p>
|
|
<p>[Doctor's examination room]</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: All right, all right, Let's go already. They keep you in here
|
|
a year. They don't give a damn. I could die in here. . . . Excuse me!
|
|
Excuse me! What's going on? I'm here twenty minutes. Could somebody please
|
|
help me. </p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: (enters) Shhh. Quiet! Everyone can hear you.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Twenty minutes. I've been waiting twenty minutes. </p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Well the doctor must be busy.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Well what do they make appointments for if they can't keep them.
|
|
uh, look if I did that in my business I wouldn't have made a nickel .</p>
|
|
<p>NURSE: Hello, Mr. Seinfeld.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I thought you forgot about me.</p>
|
|
<p>NURSE: We didn't forget.</p>
|
|
<p>(pulls apart the Velcro blood pressure band)</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Ah! It's Velcro. I can't stand Velcro. It's that t-e-a-r-I-n-g
|
|
sound. I used to be in raincoats. I refused to put that in any of my lines.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>NURSE: Okay, Mr. Seinfeld, please come this way. We need some X-rays.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Leave all my stuff here?</p>
|
|
<p>NURSE: Leave it.</p>
|
|
<p>[They exit]</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's Apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Okay, by the way. Do you want a box of Cuban cigars? I smoked
|
|
one last night. I got nauseous.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No I don't want them.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'll take it. No, I'll take it. What is it?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Here you go. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: A box of cigars?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yep, </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh, yeah?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: The kind that Castro smokes. You can't buy them anywhere.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Castro eh? Pasto costillo homiga (nonsense Spanish) </p>
|
|
<p>[Buzzer]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yes?</p>
|
|
<p>Voice: Federal Express.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Federal Express? Come on up. . . . Federal Express. I'm not expecting
|
|
a package. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Wooo, you know what you just did? You let a burglar into the
|
|
building. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You think so?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Federal Express? Of course. It's the oldest trick in the book.
|
|
You know it might not be a burglar it might be a murderer.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So you want us to abolish all home package deliveries.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yes. It's dangerous. </p>
|
|
<p>[Knock on the door - Kramer prepares for a fight]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Who is it?</p>
|
|
<p>Voice: Federal Express.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Okay, . . . </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine enters]</p>
|
|
<p>ALL: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Kramer, Hi, I thought you went to California.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I came back for you.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, shut up (pushes Kramer)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I missed you.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, . . . </p>
|
|
<p>(lots of missing you talk)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'm going to be right back. I'm going to get a match.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Who's suitcase is this?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, it's my parents. My father came up to see a back specialist.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, golly, it's probably from sleeping on that sofa.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Boy, you look really great.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You lie. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, no you really look great.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hu hu, ha.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So tell us about the trip. How's Dr. Reston?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, he's fine.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Things are good?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, you know (scratches cheek)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh oh. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What, Uh ih?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Did you see that?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, I saw it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It's a tell. You gotta tell.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What tell? What's a tell?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: When you ask someone about their relationship and they touch their
|
|
face you know it's not going too well. Go ahead ask me how it's going
|
|
with somebody.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Um, uh, who's it going with, uh, Alice?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Good, going good (scratches chin) And the higher up on the face
|
|
you go the worse the relationship is getting. You know it is like - pretty
|
|
good - not bad - I gotta get out.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: How high did I go?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You almost did the nose.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What are you eating my peanut butter out of the jar with your
|
|
disgusting index fingers? This is a sickening display.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm not eating bread now. I'm off bread.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You're off bread. . . . So what happened is it over?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well not quite. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Why not?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He was my psychiatrist, you know. He knows all my patterns. In
|
|
my relationships I always try to find some reason to leave, so as my doctor,
|
|
he can't allow me to do this, so he's not letting me leave.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What do you mean - "Not letting you?"</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He has this power over me, okay. He has this way of manipulating
|
|
every little word I say. He's like a Svenjolly.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Svengali.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What did I say?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Svenjolly.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: George?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Svenjolly.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I don't see how I could have said Svenjolly.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So maybe he's got like a cheerful mental hold on you.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters]<br>
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You know I can't find a match anywhere.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know what you should do? You should tell this guy you're
|
|
seeing somebody else. That's the easiest way to get out of these things.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, it's not going to work with this guy.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, you just tell him an old boyfriend has come back into your
|
|
life.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I don't think so.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Nice try.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Took a shot.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: This is a good cigar (hair is on fire) . . . WOOOOOOOOOOW . .
|
|
. (runs to bathroom)</p>
|
|
<p>[Doctor's examining room. Morty enters]</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: So, when do I get to see the doctor?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
NURSE: He'll be in with the X-Rays in a few minutes. You can get dressed.
|
|
(leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: (checking pants) They stole my wallet. The bum stole my wallet.
|
|
MY WALLET'S GONE! </p>
|
|
<p>MY WALLET'S GONE! I had my wallet in my back pocket. It’s gone.</p>
|
|
<p>NURSE: Are you sure?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Yes, I'm sure. I went in to get my X-Ray Somebody takes my wallet.
|
|
Is that the operation here? </p>
|
|
<p>(doctor enters)</p>
|
|
<p>DR. DEMBROW:Mr. Seinfeld, I'm Dr. Devro</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I'm not interested in the X-Rays. I want my money back. Somebody
|
|
stole my wallet. I had $225 in there.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. DEMBROW: Why, I don't see how something like that could have happened.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Oh, you don't see. You don't see. Well it happened. Believe me.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: (enters) What's going on?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: They stole my wallet.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: What?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: While I was in getting X-Rayed.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. DEMBROW: All right, Mr. Seinfeld, I am sorry about your wallet but
|
|
would you like me to look over these X-Rays?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: What kind of clip joint are you running here? </p>
|
|
<p>DR. DEMBROW: All right, fine. (leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: The least you could have done was hear your diagnosis.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I am not interested in his diagnosis. He's a bum.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: You came all the way from Florida to see him. </p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I want to know what kind of an office this is where you can't
|
|
leave your pants in the room. You tell me.</p>
|
|
<p>[Dr. Reston's office]</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I am sorry but there's somebody else.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Huh, huh.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well it's nothing I planned on happeniong, you knoe. It just
|
|
kind of happened. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Tell me about him.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, there's not really much to tell, you know, he's just a
|
|
guy. Really.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Yes, I assumed he was a guy. And you've known him how long?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: . . . Years. Years, um, we've been close friends and then recently
|
|
something you know just happened. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON :You mean sexually? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, yeah. Sexu-ally.</p>
|
|
<p>(phone rings)</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON :Excuse me. Yes, Oh yes, Bobo. No it's just east of madison.
|
|
Around 4:00 will be fine. All right Bobo. (hangs up) . . .I'm sorry where
|
|
were we? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, I was just telling you about this other guy. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Elaine, do you remember your dream where you have a sexual
|
|
encounter with a Chinese woman?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah. Yeah, (cough, cough) ha um.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON :Elaine, I'm concerned about you.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, don't concern yourself with me, because I'm good. I'm very
|
|
good, I mean I'm really very very good. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Elaine. Have you been urinating a lot again?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: . . . no.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : And how often have you been seeing, . . .? I'm sorry what
|
|
is his name?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: His name?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DR. RESTON :Yes, his name.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Um, what's the difference?</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Are you afraid to tell me his name? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, no, I just don't see how that's relevant. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : It doesn't matter if you don't see how. I see how.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Uh, his name, uh, Idon't even know, all right you want to know
|
|
his name? I'll tell you his name. His name is . . . Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Kramer. Is that his first name or his last name?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, I'm really uncomfortable talking about this. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON : Elaine, I want you to do me a favor. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?<br>
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON :I want you to tell this young man to give me a call. It is
|
|
very important that I speak to him. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, no, no no no, I can't do that.</p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON :You can do it and you will do it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, I can't. </p>
|
|
<p>DR. RESTON :You can and you will. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Okay, okay. I'll have Kramer give you a call.</p>
|
|
<p>[Restaurant]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So you didn't even let the doctor treat you?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I wouldn't give him the satiusfaction. </p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Why did you leave your wallet in your pants?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: What are you talking about? What was I supposed to hide it somewhere?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Well. You could have taken it with you.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Oh, yeah, I'd be lying on the X-Ray table with my wallet in my
|
|
mouth.</p>
|
|
<p>(Leo enter)</p>
|
|
<p>LEO: Hello, ,hello.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hi Uncle Leo.</p>
|
|
<p>LEO: I just talked to Dr. Denvro's son. He said they almost had to call
|
|
the police. </p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: What are you talking about? I'm the one who should have called
|
|
the police. They stole my wallet. </p>
|
|
<p>LEO: You know how hard it was for me to get thjat appointment for you?
|
|
You can't just walk in on this guy. He did me a personal favor. </p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: All right, Leo. </p>
|
|
<p>LEO: You walked out without paying. </p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: How was I supposed to pay? I didn't have my wallet. </p>
|
|
<p>LEO: Well, I hope you sent him a check.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: What for?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
LEO: What for? This man was nice enough to see you. He did me a personal
|
|
favor.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: That's the second time you said "personal favor". Why
|
|
do you keep saying that?</p>
|
|
<p>LEO: I said it once.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Twice! And Dembrowdoesn't even know you. His son happens to live
|
|
on your floor. </p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Leo, where did you get that watch? </p>
|
|
<p>LEO: You know where I got this? (flashback) I found it in the garbage
|
|
can. It kept terrible time. I brought it over to Jimmy Sherman right here
|
|
on 85<sup>th</sup> and Columbus. Gave it to me back the next day. Works
|
|
great. What kind of idiot throws a way a perfectly good watch?</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Doesn't that watch look like the one we gave Jerry. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey, where's the waiter. Dad, what say we have some red meat tonight.
|
|
Let's live a . . </p>
|
|
<p>(looking at watch)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Can we continue this another time.</p>
|
|
<p> [To be continued . . . ]</p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p
|
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align="center"> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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