900 lines
46 KiB
HTML
900 lines
46 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Apology</h1>
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<p
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align="center"> </p>
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<p>Transcribed by:
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Ivy (see below)<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, [tapping the spatula while waiting for waffles to be done]:
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"Any<br>
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second now. Light is on! Melissa, waffles are ready."<br>
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Melissa, [appearing in the kitchen stark naked]: "Oh, fantastic!
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I'm<br>
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starving."<br>
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Jerry, [looking at her]: "How about that."<br>
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Melissa, [eating the waffles]: "Mmm-hmm."<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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George: "She ate breakfast naked?"<br>
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Jerry: "She didn't even want a napkin."<br>
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George: "I've had bedroom naked, I've had walk-to-the-bathroom
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naked... I<br>
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have never had living-room naked."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, it's a scene."<br>
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George: "It's like you're livin' in the Playboy Mansion! Did
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she, uh, did she<br>
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frolic?"<br>
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Jerry: "I don't really have enough room."<br>
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George, [seeing Elaine and Puddy come into Monk's]: "Yeah.
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Hey, Lainie,<br>
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Puddy."<br>
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Elaine: "Hey!"<br>
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Puddy: "Hi."<br>
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Jerry: "Hey."<br>
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Puddy, [heading towards the bathroom]: "I got to make a pit
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stop."<br>
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Elaine, [sitting down in the booth]: "'Kay."<br>
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Jerry: "Back together?"<br>
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Elaine: "His apartment was being fumigated, so we thought we'd
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give it<br>
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another shot."<br>
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Jerry: "Ah..."<br>
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Elaine: "So guess who called me last night? Jason Hanke."<br>
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George: "'Stanky Hanke'? What did he want?"<br>
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Elaine: "He called to apologize for standing me up five years
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ago."<br>
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Jerry: "Why now?"<br>
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Elaine: "A.A. It's one of the Twelve Steps. Step number Nine
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is you have to<br>
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apologize to anyone you've ever wronged."<br>
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George: "Ho ho ho ho! I can't wait for Hanke to come crawling
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back to me."<br>
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Jerry: "Still with the neck hole?"<br>
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George: "Still upset. Very upset."<br>
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Elaine: "What neck hole?"<br>
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George: "Remember that New Year's party he threw a few years
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ago? He had that<br>
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very drafty apartment, you know, I think on Ninth Avenue."<br>
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Elaine, becoming board: "Faster."<br>
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George: "I asked if I could borrow a sweater."<br>
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Jerry: "A cashmere sweater."<br>
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George: "I said preferably cashmere, for warmth. So in front
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of the whole<br>
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party, he says, 'No. I don't want you stretching out the neck hole.'"<br>
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Elaine: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"<br>
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George: "Oh, yeah, sure, laugh it up. Everybody else did!"<br>
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Elaine: "Well, it's funny. I mean, you have a big head. Or
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is it 'cause of<br>
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your neck?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, I think the head does most of the stretching."<br>
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George: "Regardless. I had to walk around for the rest of the
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party in some<br>
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cheap Metlife windbreaker. Now, it is payback time."<br>
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Elaine: "I really think it's the size of your neck."<br>
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George: "It's my head!"<br>
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Elaine: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"<br>
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<br>
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Elaine: "Hey."<br>
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Peggy: "Hey."<br>
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Elaine: "Isn't this great? With those nerds in accounting moved,
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you and I<br>
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are the only ones who use this bathroom."<br>
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Peggy, somewhat sarcastically: "Yeah. Great."<br>
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[Elaine is surprised to see Peggy get a seat protector for the toilet]<br>
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<br>
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Kramer: "You went to the coffee shop without me? I told ya,
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I just wanted to<br>
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hop in the shower."<br>
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Jerry: "That was an hour ago. What were you doing in there?"<br>
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Kramer: "Showering. How long does it take you?"<br>
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Jerry: "Ten minutes."<br>
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Kramer, [seeing Elaine come into Jerry's apartment]: "Ten minutes?
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That's<br>
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kooky talk. Hey Elaine, how long do you spend in the shower?"<br>
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Elaine: "Ten minutes."<br>
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Kramer: "Let me smell you."<br>
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Elaine: "All right. Whiff away."<br>
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Kramer, [after delicately sniffing Elaine]: "Uh... that's not
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bad at all."<br>
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Elaine, [holding Kramer off from getting another whiff]: "Hup!
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That's it."<br>
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Kramer, [backing off]: "OK."<br>
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Elaine: "So get this. I'm in the bathroom at work today, and
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I see Peggy<br>
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using a seat protector."<br>
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Jerry: "So?"<br>
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Elaine: "So... we're the only women on the floor. I mean, we're
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like<br>
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roommates. Would-would you use a seat protector if you had a roommate?"<br>
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Jerry, [seeing Kramer struggle to open a soda, spilling it all over]:
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"I<br>
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think the damage is probably already done."<br>
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Jerry, [interrupting Kramer's inadequate attempt to clean up the
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soda]: "All<br>
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right! I'll get that. Well, maybe she just practices good hygiene."<br>
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Elaine, [eyeing Jerry meticulously cleaning up the soda]: "Yeah,
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you're<br>
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probably right. She's probably one of those neurotic clean freaks."<br>
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Jerry: "Mmm."<br>
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Kramer: "Well, here's my shower routine. Maybe I can make some
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changes. Get<br>
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wash cloth mittens and maybe some liquid soap, and just... -pop-
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focus!"<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, [playing Scrabble with his naked girlfriend]: "Zephyr?
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That is not a<br>
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word."<br>
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Melissa: "Do you challenge?"<br>
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Jerry: "No, I do not challenge."<br>
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Melissa: "66 points. Ha ha."<br>
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Jerry: "I'd accuse you of cheating, but I don't know where
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you'd hide the<br>
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tiles."<br>
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Melissa: "You want some more ice tea?"<br>
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Jerry: "Sure."<br>
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Melissa, [coughing loudly, while Jerry's expression turns to disgust]:
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"Wrong<br>
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pipe."<br>
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<br>
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George, [at Monk's with Jerry]: "So she coughed."<br>
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Jerry: "Coughing... naked... It's a turn-off, man."<br>
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George: "Everything goes with naked."<br>
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Jerry: "When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles
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that suddenly<br>
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spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball
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in his<br>
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stomach in slow motion."<br>
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George: "Oh, you spoiled, spoiled man. Do you now how much
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mental energy I<br>
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expend just trying to picture women naked?"<br>
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Jerry: "But the thing you don't realize is that there's good
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naked and bad<br>
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naked. Naked hair brushing, good; naked crouching, bad. Hey, there's
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Hanke."<br>
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George: "All right. It's grovel time."<br>
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Hanke: "Hey, George. Jerry. Listen, I just got sober, so I've
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been going<br>
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through the Twelve Steps."<br>
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George: "What are you up to now, uh, Step Nine?"<br>
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Hanke: "Yeah. Making amends."<br>
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George: "Important step. Maybe the most important."<br>
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Hanke: "Anyway, uh, Jerry, you know, this may sound dumb, but,
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you know, when<br>
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we first met I thought your name was Gary. And, I think I may even
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have<br>
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called you Gary a couple of times, and... I don't know if you noticed,
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but I<br>
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always felt bad about it, so, I'm sorry."<br>
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Jerry: "Thank you. I did notice, and I appreciate you rectifying
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it."<br>
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Hanke: [eyeing George, who's looking expectedly up at him]: "Great.
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Great.<br>
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Well, I'll see you guys later."<br>
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<br>
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Kramer, [entering Jerry's apartment]: "Well, I just got out
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of a 27-minute<br>
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shower. I made some good cuts, and I didn't lose anything I needed.
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Yeah, I<br>
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think what I kept is even stronger now."<br>
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Jerry, [pointing to Kramer's hair]: "You got some suds over
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here."<br>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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Kramer, [noticing suds all over his clothes and body]: "Wha...?
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Oh, man!<br>
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Geez! Look at that! I'm all lathery. Jerry, you got to show me what
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I'm doing<br>
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wrong."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, come on!"<br>
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Kramer: "No, I mean it, man. I'm lost!"<br>
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Jerry: "You promise you'll never come in here again?"<br>
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Kramer, [chuckling]: "Oh, Jerry, you know I can't do that."<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, [standing in the bathtub]: "Now my sense of it is that
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you're probably<br>
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wasting time working piecemeal, first cleaning one area, then another."<br>
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Kramer: "Well, that's how cats do it."<br>
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Jerry: "But, when you have a faucet instead of a tongue, you
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want to use<br>
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gravity."<br>
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Kramer: "OK. Let's turn the water on now. "<br>
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Jerry: "No, I told you, it's just a dry run."<br>
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George, [entering Jerry's bathroom]: "Well, Hanke's moved on
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to Step Ten. He<br>
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was spotted taking personal inventory."<br>
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Jerry: "That's Step Ten?"<br>
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George: "All he has to do now is count his blessings, say a
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prayer, and he's<br>
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done. Do you believe this?"<br>
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Kramer: "Come on, Jerry. How about a-a baggy swimsuit?"<br>
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Jerry: "You're not gettin' any skin, Kramer."<br>
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Kramer: "Well, this has all been one big tease!"<br>
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<br>
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Elaine, [moving Peggy's water to make room for paper on the desk]:
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"These<br>
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proofs look pretty good. Oh. Can I move this? Yup. I think this
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will work."<br>
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Peggy, [having seen Elaine touch her nearly full water bottle]:
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"I'm... gonna<br>
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get another bottle of water."<br>
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Walter,[ taking a final swig from his own water bottle]: "Here,
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take mine.<br>
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There's a little left."<br>
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Peggy, [gulping down Walter's water]: "Oh, thanks, Walter.
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Ahh!"<br>
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<br>
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Hanke, [talking with two men in Monk's]: "Guys, there's no
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doubt that the pay<br>
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is good. But I don't just know if I see myself working with ice
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cream."<br>
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Man #1: "You get pretty buff forearms."<br>
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Hanke: "I don't know if I'm into that."<br>
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George, [entering Monk's]: "Oh, hello, Hanke, others."<br>
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Hanke: "George."<br>
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George: "You know, Jason, I, uh, I couldn't help notice, I...
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I didn't get my<br>
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apology."<br>
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Hanke: "Apology? For what?"<br>
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George: "A drafty apartment? A... sweaterless friend? A ball-game
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giveaway<br>
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Metlife windbreaker?"<br>
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Hanke: "George, come on, not that neck hole thing."<br>
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George: "Yeah, the neck hole thing, and I would appreciate
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it if you would<br>
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say you're sorry."<br>
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Hanke: "No way, you would've completely stretched it out."<br>
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George: "You're an alcoholic! You have to apologize. Step Nine!
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Step Nine."<br>
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Hanke: "All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very,
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very sorry. I'm so<br>
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sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to
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find its way<br>
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through the normal-size neck hole of my finely knit sweater."<br>
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<br>
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Kramer, [taking notes on showering men at the YMCA]: "Now see,
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that's smart.<br>
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Constant motion. Wow."<br>
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Man in Shower, [seeing Kramer staring at the showering man]: "Hey!"<br>
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Kramer: "Oh, yeah, yeah, I-I'm watching you, too. But this
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guy's really<br>
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showing me something!"<br>
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Kramer, [walking into Jerry's apartment with a fresh black eye]:
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"You got a<br>
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steak?"<br>
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Jerry: "What happened to you?"<br>
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Kramer: "Ah, people in this city are crazy."<br>
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Jerry, [giving him a steak from the fridge]: "Here ya go."<br>
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Kramer, [applying the steak to his eye]: "Thanks, buddy. Oh...
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yes! Hey, you<br>
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got any A1, 'cause I'm cooking a steak."<br>
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Jerry: "What?"<br>
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Kramer: "Yeah, a different one."<br>
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Jerry, [closing the door on him]: "Oh!"<br>
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Kramer: "Jerry!"<br>
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<br>
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Melissa, [wheeling out Jerry's bicycle]: "OK, Jerry. I fixed
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that bike."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh. That wasn't really necessary. I don't ride it.
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It's just for<br>
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show."<br>
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Melissa, [crouching down next to the bike]: "I should really
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clean those<br>
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bearings. Hold this. Look at all that gunk."<br>
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Jerry: "Please don't crouch."<br>
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Melissa: "Ouch! Caught my skin."<br>
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Jerry: "Oh, that's bad. Especially that area."<br>
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Melissa: "You got anything to snack on?"<br>
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Jerry: "Uhh..."<br>
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Melissa, [grabbing the pickle jar and straining to open it]: "Oh,
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pickles!<br>
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Unnhhhh! It's a tough one."<br>
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Jerry: "Look, please stop! Let me help you with that!"<br>
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Melissa, [finally opening the jar]: "Unnnnh! Oooh. That's gonna
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leave a welt.<br>
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Look at that."<br>
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Jerry, [leaving the room]: "I can't. I can't look anymore.
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I-I-I've seen too<br>
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much."<br>
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<br>
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Elaine: "Peggy, we've got to talk. What is it about me that
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you find so<br>
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offensive?"<br>
|
|
Peggy: "You seem to be with a lot of men."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "What!? I happen to have a very steady boyfriend. You
|
|
know, I mean,<br>
|
|
we broke up a few times and there has been an occasional guy here
|
|
or... or<br>
|
|
there, but, wh-why is this your business?"<br>
|
|
Peggy: "It's not. Good day."<br>
|
|
Elaine, [leaving the room after rubbing Peggy's keyboard on her
|
|
butt,<br>
|
|
sticking the stapler in her armpit, and coughing on her doorknob]:
|
|
"Oh. All<br>
|
|
right. You think I've got germs? I'll give you some germs. How about
|
|
some for<br>
|
|
your keyboard, huh? Huh? Oooh, how about for your stapler. Hmmm?
|
|
That's good,<br>
|
|
isn't it? You have a happy and a healthy."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Well, technically he did apologize."<br>
|
|
George: "Jerry, I felt like a straight man in some horrible
|
|
sketch. He was<br>
|
|
riffing! Riffing! On my pain!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So now you want an apology for the apology, plus the
|
|
original<br>
|
|
apology?"<br>
|
|
George: "That's right. I'm two in the hole!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Well, I hit the wall yesterday with Lady Godiva. She
|
|
did a full body<br>
|
|
flex on a pickle jar."<br>
|
|
George: "Did you explain to her about the good naked and the
|
|
bad naked?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Where am I gonna get a fat guy and a cannonball?"<br>
|
|
George: "Well... what if you showed up bad naked, huh? You
|
|
still got that<br>
|
|
belt sander?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Yeah."<br>
|
|
George, [going into the bathroom]: "Well, you on all fours,
|
|
that thing<br>
|
|
vibratin', kickin' up sawdust, ho ho! She'll get the picture!"<br>
|
|
Jerry, [answering the ringing phone]: "Hello?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Hey, Jerry, guess where I'm calling from!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "World War I plane?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No, I'm in my shower. Well, you know, I'm trying to
|
|
get out of the<br>
|
|
shower sooner, and then I ask myself, 'Why?' I mean this is where
|
|
I want to<br>
|
|
be. So I got a waterproof phone, I shaved, I brushed my teeth, and
|
|
now I<br>
|
|
ordered a pair of chinos from J. Crew."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "When are ya gettin' out?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "I'm not! I'll see ya later, buddy."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peterman: "Bad news, people. Peggy is home sick."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Oh, please."<br>
|
|
Peterman: "She's stuffed up, achy, and suffering from intense
|
|
malaise."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Oh, come on, we all have intense malaise. Right?"<br>
|
|
Peterman: "I just spoke with her, Elaine. She's in bed."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Yeah, let me tell you something: this is all in her
|
|
mind, OK? She is<br>
|
|
insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob,
|
|
rubbed<br>
|
|
her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah,
|
|
she's a<br>
|
|
wacko."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, [at Monk's]: "So you're Jason Hanke's supervisor?"<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "Sponsor."<br>
|
|
George: "Whatever. Listen, I'm very concerned about this guy."<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "He's doing very well. He's already on to Step Ten."<br>
|
|
George: "Yeah, well when you don't actually do the steps, you
|
|
can go through<br>
|
|
them pretty quick. You can get through six a day."<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "Is there some unresolved issue between you and Jason?"<br>
|
|
George: "I don't know. A little thing called Step Nine? Instead
|
|
of an<br>
|
|
apology, he was beboppin' and scattin' all over me."<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "I'm not sure what you want me to do."<br>
|
|
George: "Well, aren't you the boss of him? You shouldn't let
|
|
him move up!<br>
|
|
When I was in the Cub Scouts, I got stuck on Weebolos for three
|
|
years 'cause<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
I kept losing the Pinewood Derby."<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "You're quite upset, George."<br>
|
|
George: "Well, I think you should drop him down to Step Two."<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "Admit there's a higher power?"<br>
|
|
George: "Yeah, let him chew on that for a while."<br>
|
|
Sponer: "You know George, I think I can help you. We're having
|
|
a meeting<br>
|
|
tomorrow. Why don't you just come by?"<br>
|
|
George: "All right. That's more like it. Thank you very much."<br>
|
|
George, [giving the sponsor the 'be strong' hand clench]: "By
|
|
the way, my<br>
|
|
uncle was an alcoholic, so..."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, [on the phone in the shower]: "Lomez, you're not listenin'.
|
|
Jerry<br>
|
|
likes the naked, just some of the things she does when she's naked.
|
|
Calm<br>
|
|
down, I'm on your side. Geez. Hey, hold on a second. I got a clog,
|
|
I'll call<br>
|
|
ya back."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Melissa, [naked on the couch]: "What are you doing?"<br>
|
|
Jerry, [naked, carrying a belt sander]: "I found a rough spot
|
|
on the kitchen<br>
|
|
floor, I thought I'd polish it up with this belt sander I have here."<br>
|
|
Melissa: "No, not that. Why are you naked?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "I thought naked is good."<br>
|
|
Melissa, [eyeing him]: "This isn't good naked."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Sponsor, [seeing George at the meeting]: "George, here, have
|
|
a seat."<br>
|
|
George, [sitting down]: "Where's Hanke?"<br>
|
|
Sponsor, [motioning to the leader]: "Shhhhh."<br>
|
|
Leader: "OK, let's get started. Welcome to Rage-aholics Anonymous."<br>
|
|
George: "What? Rate-aholics?"<br>
|
|
Sponsor: "George, this can help you."<br>
|
|
George: "Hey, I am not here for rage. I'm here for revenge."<br>
|
|
Leader: "Excuse me. We have a 'no yelling' policy at these
|
|
meetings."<br>
|
|
George: "Excuse me. Am I talking to you, Pinhead? Am I?!"<br>
|
|
Leader: "Please don't call me 'Pinhead'."<br>
|
|
George: "I'm losin' it!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, [in Monk's with George]: "He took you to Rage-aholics?
|
|
Why?"<br>
|
|
George: "Probably because this whole Universe is against me!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "You've got a little rage."<br>
|
|
George: "I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes
|
|
me so mad!"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "By the way, my bad naked demo didn't quite work."<br>
|
|
George: "This bread has nuts in it!"<br>
|
|
Jerry, [seeing Elaine enter Monk's]: "Oh, great. Elaine. What
|
|
is wrong with<br>
|
|
my body?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Chicken wing shoulder blades."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "That's it?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "No, but that's one problem. Why?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Well, I was walking around naked in front of Melissa
|
|
the other day--"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Whoa! Walking around naked? Ahh... that is not a good
|
|
look for a<br>
|
|
man."<br>
|
|
George: "Why not? It's a good look for a woman."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male
|
|
body is<br>
|
|
utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So you don't think it's attractive?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's
|
|
simian."<br>
|
|
George: "Well, some women like it."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Hmm. Sickies."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, [in the shower, reading an instruction manual]: "Installing
|
|
your<br>
|
|
Clarkman garbage disposal. Dismantle latch hasp beneath main drainage
|
|
lot.<br>
|
|
Oh, come on, Clarkman."<br>
|
|
Puddy, [staring into space, picks up the phone]: "Puddy."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Is, uh, David Puddy there?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "This is Puddy."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, this is Kramer."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "I know."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Um, listen, you're a mechanic. Could you help me install
|
|
a garbage<br>
|
|
disposal?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Well, it's a big job. You've got to dismantle the latch
|
|
hasp from the<br>
|
|
auxiliary drainage line."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No. It says 'main line'."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "It's a misprint. What do you got, a Clarkman?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah."<br>
|
|
Puddy, seeing Elaine come in: "Hey, man, I'll call you back.
|
|
I'll talk you<br>
|
|
through it."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, OK. Well, thanks, buddy."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Hey, Puddy."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Hey, Babe, your boss called. You owe five bucks for
|
|
a balloon<br>
|
|
bouquet. Yeah, he says you can just give it to him tomorrow when
|
|
you see him."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Balloon bouquet? For who?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Peggy took a turn for the worst."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Peggy. Oh, great. I suppose she's still blaming me?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "That's what he said."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "I don't believe this woman."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Talk to me, Babe."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "She's this crazy woman who is convinced that my germs
|
|
make her sick."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Oh, germ-o-phobe. I know what that's about."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Huh?"<br>
|
|
Puddy, showing her his necklace: "I'm a recovering germ-o-phobe.
|
|
Ten years."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "What is this symbol?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "It's a germ."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peggy: "Elaine, it was very nice of you to bring the man you're
|
|
currently<br>
|
|
sleeping with over to talk to me, but I assure you, I don't have
|
|
any problem<br>
|
|
with germs."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Don't you? Elaine."<br>
|
|
[Elaine slowly creeps up towards Peggy]<br>
|
|
Peggy, flinching away: "Please!"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "I know it looks bleak. I've been there. Ten years ago
|
|
waking up in<br>
|
|
bed next to a woman like this would've sent me running for the Phisohex."<br>
|
|
Peggy: "Really?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "I still have trouble looking at those disgusting old
|
|
bedroom slippers<br>
|
|
she slogs around in."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Hey, I've had those since college. They're bunnies."<br>
|
|
Puddy: "They're bacteria traps."<br>
|
|
Peggy: "So you... just learned to live with it?"<br>
|
|
Puddy: "For the most part."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "OK, we're broken up for the rest of the day."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So I'm glad we had a talk and worked this out. Don't
|
|
you feel this is<br>
|
|
better?"<br>
|
|
Melissa: "This is nice."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Yes, clothes. This is normal."<br>
|
|
Melissa: "Hey, what are you doing tomorrow? I was thinking
|
|
that we could go<br>
|
|
down..."<br>
|
|
[as Melissa continues to talk, Jerry starts imagining her gorgeously
|
|
naked,<br>
|
|
and stops paying attention]<br>
|
|
Melissa: "Jerry? Jerry, are you listening to me?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh... yeah. What? I'm sorry."<br>
|
|
Melissa: "I wanted to know what you're doing tomorrow."<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Oh, maybe a haircut, and, I don't know, maybe a..."<br>
|
|
[as Jerry continues to talk, Melissa starts imagining him disgustingly,<br>
|
|
'neanderthalishly' naked, and stops paying attention]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, [in the shower, on the phone with Jerry]: "So you broke
|
|
up?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying
|
|
to picture her<br>
|
|
naked, she kept trying to not picture me naked."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Hang on."<br>
|
|
[Kramer uses his shower garbage disposal to unclog the tub]<br>
|
|
Jerry: "So what are you up to?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, just cooking up a little thank you for Puddy.
|
|
Hey, how do you<br>
|
|
make those radish roses?"<br>
|
|
Jerry: "Insert a knife into the center and twist. Then, to
|
|
make it bloom,<br>
|
|
soak it in water for thirty to forty minutes."<br>
|
|
Kramer: "No problem there."<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Hanke, [working at a Baskin Robbins]: "George. Thanks for coming
|
|
down to talk<br>
|
|
to me. I wanted to see you right away, but my hours here aren't
|
|
very<br>
|
|
flexible. I just started yesterday."<br>
|
|
George: "Well, I'm here. What is it?"<br>
|
|
Hanke: "Well, I talked to my sponsor, and, uh, I've thought
|
|
it over, and, you<br>
|
|
know, my apology at the coffee shop was sarcastic, and rude, and
|
|
you deserve<br>
|
|
much better."<br>
|
|
George, ready to leave: "Well, thank you."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "You're welcome."<br>
|
|
Kid, [entering the store]: "Can I get a Triple Minute Man Mint?"<br>
|
|
Hanke: "Waffle or sugar cone?"<br>
|
|
George: "Uh, excuse me, uh, um, Jason. I don't want to get
|
|
into a big thing<br>
|
|
here, but... I'm not sure if, technically, what you just said was
|
|
actually an<br>
|
|
apology."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "What?"<br>
|
|
Kid: "Can you get on that cone?"<br>
|
|
Hanke: "Would you hang on just a second, son? George, what
|
|
are you talking<br>
|
|
about?"<br>
|
|
George: "Well, it's just, all you said was 'your welcome',
|
|
which is nice.<br>
|
|
It's very nice. But... I feel I gotta get the apology."<br>
|
|
Kid: "Is there anybody else here but you?"<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Hanke: "I'm alone, and it's my second day. You know, I don't
|
|
even think we<br>
|
|
have that flavor so... George, really, enough, ok? You know, I-I
|
|
admitted I<br>
|
|
was wrong, so what more do you want from me?"<br>
|
|
George: "I would like an apology."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "All right, look, you know--"<br>
|
|
Kid #2, [entering the store]: "Did you try it?"<br>
|
|
Kid: "No, this guy doesn't know what he's doing."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "Oh, yes I do. Yes, I do. OK? I'm interacting with someone
|
|
here, if<br>
|
|
you can understand that. Now, I'm sorry."<br>
|
|
George: "Baah! There it is! You just said it! That's what I
|
|
want! Now say it<br>
|
|
again, and tell it to me."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "I'm not saying anything to you. I'm not sorry. I was
|
|
never sorry. It<br>
|
|
was cashmere. I hate Step Nine! Where's that Rum Raisin? Where is
|
|
it? Can't<br>
|
|
find anything. I need a drink. Ah, daquiri ice. Here we go. What
|
|
are you<br>
|
|
looking at? Get out! Come on, can't you see we're closed?! Get out!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine, [eating dinner with Kramer, Elaine, and Puddy]: "Mmm.
|
|
This food is<br>
|
|
fantastic, Peggy: And what a pretty radish rose, huh?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Well, thank you."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Here's to Peggy, on her first week of being germ-free,
|
|
free."<br>
|
|
[all four make toast]<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Yeah. And here's to David Puddy for helping me install
|
|
a much needed<br>
|
|
and much appreciated garbage disposal in my bathtub."<br>
|
|
[all four make another toast]<br>
|
|
Peggy: "You have a garbage disposal in your bathtub?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. Yeah, I made
|
|
this whole meal in<br>
|
|
there."<br>
|
|
Elaine: "This food was in the shower with you?"<br>
|
|
Kramer: "Mm-hmm. I prepared it as I bathed."<br>
|
|
[Peggy, Elaine, and Puddy all gag and wretch]<br>
|
|
Puddy: "Oh, germs. Germs. Germs!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: "Excuse me. Is this, uh, Rage-aholics?"<br>
|
|
Puddy, waiting with Elaine and Peggy: "No, germ-o-phobes."<br>
|
|
George: "Thanks. What are you guys doin' here?"<br>
|
|
Elaine: "Kramer."<br>
|
|
George: "Right."<br>
|
|
Download Sound<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Hanke, [speaking in front of other Rage-aholics]: "Hi, I'm,
|
|
uh, Jason. I'm a<br>
|
|
rage-aholic."<br>
|
|
Audience: "Hi, Jason."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "Uh, this is my first meeting."<br>
|
|
George: "Step-skipper. That man is a step-skipper! He skips
|
|
Step Nine!"<br>
|
|
Hanke: "Please. Step Nine."<br>
|
|
George: "That's right! He never apologized to me for saying
|
|
that I would<br>
|
|
stretch out the neck hole of his sweater."<br>
|
|
[audience laughs]<br>
|
|
George: "It wasn't funny."<br>
|
|
Hanke: "It was a very nice sweater. Take a look at his neck,
|
|
not to mention<br>
|
|
the melon sitting on top of it. I don't know if I'd trust him with
|
|
a v-neck."<br>
|
|
George: "He's beboppin' and scattin', and I'm losin' it!"<br>
|
|
END<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Generously donated by: Ivy, Ivy's
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|
Seinfeld Page<br>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<div>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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</div>
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</form>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p> </p>
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</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
|
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}
|
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</script>
|
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</div>
|
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|