699 lines
34 KiB
HTML
699 lines
34 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Big Salad</h1>
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Transcribed by: The News Guy(Mike)</p>
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<p>Broadcast: 22 Sep 94<br>
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Written by: Larry David, Bill Masters & Bob Shaw <br>
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Directed by: <a href="http://us.imdb.com/M/person-exact?+Ackerman,+Andy">Andy
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Ackerman</a> </p>
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<p>Guest Stars: <br>
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<a href="http://us.imdb.com/M/person-exact?%2BForbes,%2BMichelle">Michelle
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Forbes</a> [ Julie ], <br>
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Jerry Levine [ Stationer ], <br>
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Marita Geraghty [ Margaret ], <br>
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Barry Nolan [ Reporter ], <br>
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Dean Hallo [ Gendason ], <br>
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Lauren Bowles [ Waitress ] </p>
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<p>Monologue:<br>
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=========<br>
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Its fascinating. When you go into a stationery store that they’re
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<br>
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manufacturing millions of pens; constantly we’re all buying them.
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I <br>
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must have bought six thousand Bics in my life. I’ve used up maybe
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two of <br>
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them. Where are the rest of them? When you move the refrigerator there’s
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a <br>
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couple back there but it doesn’t account for it. Where are all the
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pens? <br>
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That’s why it’s so embarrassing if you don’t have one.
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You got a pen? Can I borrow <br>
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a pen? We always have to whisper because it’s so humiliating. I don’t
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<br>
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have a pen. They’re making millions of them every week!
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I know; where are they?<br>
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</p>
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<p>[Stationery store]</p>
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<p>Stationer: May I help you?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, uh, I'm looking for a Rollamech 1000 mechanical pencil.</p>
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<p>Stationer: Oh, I know the Rollamech 1000. </p>
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<p>Elaine: No, I'm sure you do.</p>
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<p>Stationer: They're pretty expensive.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, it's for my boss.</p>
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<p>Stationer: What do you do?</p>
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<p>Ex; Whatever. </p>
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<p>Stationer: Well, we don't have any in stock right now but I would be
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happy to order it for you. Just give me your phone number and when it
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comes in I'll give you a call. You're name is? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Elaine.</p>
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<p>Stationer: Elaine, . . . and your last name?</p>
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<p>Elaine: It's just Elaine, like Cher. Ha ha ha</p>
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<p>Stationer: And your number?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Uh, aw, KL5-239O.</p>
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<p>Stationer: Okay. Thanks a lot. You'll be hearing from me. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Okay, [to Jerry] Move along. . . </p>
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<p>Jerry: Why did you give him MY number?</p>
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<p>[On the street]</p>
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<p>Elaine: I think he's got ideas. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I wonder if any woman ever said that about Einstein?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Call me when the pencil comes in Okay?</p>
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<p>[On the street]</p>
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<p>Elaine: Just call me when the new pen comes in, okay?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Why does Mr. Pitt prefer a pencil to a pen anyway? Hey. Look who's
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here.</p>
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<p>George: Hey, hey.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey hey</p>
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<p>Julie: Hi Jerry.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hi Julie.</p>
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<p>George: Elaine, Julie.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hi.</p>
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<p>Julie: Hi.</p>
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<p>Julie: Oh, hi. Elaine's my middle name.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, mine's "Ike".</p>
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<p>George: Hey, wanna get some lunch?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Just had a big bowl of Kix.</p>
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<p>George: Ah, well, that's very mature. What about you?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Ah, no.</p>
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<p>Julie: Please come, Elaine.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No, no. How about if you bring me back something?</p>
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<p>George: Sure, all right, what do you want?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Um, hum, I don't know.. . . A big salad? </p>
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<p>George: What big salad? I'm going to the coffee shop.</p>
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<p>Elaine: They have big salads.</p>
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<p>George: I've never seen a big salad.</p>
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<p>Elaine: They have a big salad.</p>
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<p>George: Is that what I ask for? The BIG salad?</p>
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<p>Elaine: It's okay, you don't…</p>
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<p>George: No, no, Hey I'll get it. What's in the BIG salad?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs.</p>
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<p>George: (???), we'll see you in a little while.</p>
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<p>[Jerry's]</p>
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<p>Elaine: Maybe I should just get married.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Dating is really starting to get embarrassing isn't it?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I know. You know, whenever I'm on a date I feel people can tell.</p>
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<p>Jerry: People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.</p>
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<p>Elaine: You can say that again.</p>
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<p>Jerry: It's embarrassing for them. It's painful for us to watch. I'm
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going out with someone later, I'm not even taking her out of the house.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Good for you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't need a bunch of people staring at us.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Right on baby. (???)</p>
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<p>[noise from hall]</p>
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<p>Jerry: What was that?</p>
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<p>[Kramer enters with his golf clubs]</p>
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<p>Kramer: That Gendason, what a jerk. I'm never playing golf with him again.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Who Gendason?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Steve Gendason.</p>
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<p>.Elaine: Why is that name familiar?<br>
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Hx: He used to be a baseball player.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, how did you end up playing golf with him?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, I met him on the course a couple of years ago. Yeah. Played
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with him a lot. But today was it! We're on the fifteenth hole, ya, he's
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beating me by a couple of strokes. Then, he's about to hit his second
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shot, when, he picks up the ball and CLEANS it.</p>
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<p>Elaine: So what?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Umph, sorry! But the rules clearly state that you cannot clean
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the ball unless it's on the green. The rules are very clear about that.
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</p>
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<p>Jerry: Certainly are. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Ya, so I penalized him a stroke. </p>
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<p>Jx; Ah, so what happened? </p>
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<p>Kramer: He LOST IT! We almost came to blows. We were face to face like
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a manager and an umpire like this . . kara a pukka ba ya ka ba . . . </p>
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<p>Jerry: All right. You're in MY face.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I still don't see what the big deal is. </p>
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<p>Kramer: A rule is a rule. And let's face it. Without rules there's chaos.
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</p>
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<p>[Monks]</p>
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<p>Julie: I like Anna ???'s column and Sapphire. Don't you like Sapphire?</p>
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<p>George: Oh, Sapphire. Uh ha </p>
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<p>Julie: Although at times can be rather pedantic.</p>
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<p>George: He can be pedantic. He can be pedantic.</p>
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<p>Julie: And Bob Herbert's great. He's the Daily News.</p>
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<p>George: Yes. Yes. You know what's interesting. The quarterback for the
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Atlanta Falcons is Bobby Hebert. No "r" which I find fascinating.
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You know it's Herbert h-e-r-b-e-r-t, Hebert h-e-b-e-r-t. "Hebert"
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it's a fun name to pronounce. Try and say it Hebert. Take a shot. All
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right. [check arrives] All right. I </p>
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<p>got it.</p>
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<p>Julie: No, no. I'd like to take you out.</p>
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<p>George: No, Julie, Julie, don't insult me. You know, what difference
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does it make who pays for lunch. It's totally meaningless. </p>
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<p>Julie: Okay, thanks, George.</p>
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<p>Wx: Here's your big salad to go.</p>
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<p>Julie: Oh, thank you. </p>
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<p>[Jerry's]</p>
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<p>Jerry: [on phone] Hello. No she's not here. Okay, fine, whatever. I'll
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tell her. Okay. Goodbye. The stationery store guy called to say he ORDERED
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your pencil. </p>
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<p>Elaine: I told ya'. He has ideas.</p>
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<p>Jerry: He doesn't even care if a man answers.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Or you.</p>
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<p>[George and Julie enter]</p>
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<p>George: Hey, hey.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey.</p>
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<p>Julie: Sorry e're late.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No problem.</p>
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<p>Julie: Here's your big salad.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Thank you, Julie.</p>
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<p>Julie: Oh, you're very welcome. So, I guess I better get going. Gotta
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meet mother a t the Guggenheim. Sure you don't want to go?</p>
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<p>George: No, you go Guggenheim. I'm not much of a Guggenheim.</p>
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<p>Julie: Sure, George.</p>
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<p>George: Ya, you go. </p>
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<p>Julie: Okay, I'll see you later. Goodbye.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Bye bye</p>
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<p>[Julie exits]</p>
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<p>George: Did you see what just happened?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, that all depends. . . </p>
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<p>George: Did you happen to notice that Julie handed the big salad to Elaine?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, so?</p>
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<p>George: Well, she didn't BUY the big salad. I bought the big salad. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Is that a fact?</p>
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<p>George: Yes it is. She just took credit for my salad. That's not right.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No it isn't. </p>
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<p>George: I mean I'm the one who bought it. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Yes you did.</p>
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<p>George: You think she should have said something?</p>
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<p>Jerry: She could have.</p>
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<p>George: Oh, I know.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Imagine, her taking credit for your big salad. </p>
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<p>George: You know you buy a big salad for somebody it would be nice if
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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they knew it. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Obviously.</p>
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<p>[Kramer rushes in]</p>
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<p>Kramer: Turn on the TV.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What?</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm puttin it on…</p>
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<p>TV: . . . the district attorney's office and the police department have
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not answered any questions as yet. To repeat in case you're just joining
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us. Former baseball start Steve Genderson, has been taken to Police headquarters
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for questioning the murder of Bobby Pinkus the owner of Royal Dry Cleaners
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at 2759 Amsterdam Avenue. According to Pinkus' wife, Gendeson had been
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involved in a dispute with the cleaner about a stain on a pair of gray
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Sans-A-Belt slacks. We also have a report that earlier in the day a groundskeeper
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at Vancourtland's Golf Course saw an irate Gendeson leaving the clubhouse
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in a huff. Whether there is a possible connection between the two is something
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we'll just have to wait.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Jerry . . . <br>
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Jerry: Well, it has nothing to do with you.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, but maybe he was so mad from the penalty stroke that he
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murdered the dry cleaner.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, generally speaking you don't need any extra incentive to
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murder a dry cleaner. I wouldn't worry about that. </p>
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<p>[In a cab]</p>
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<p>Elaine: I like Julie. She's very personable.</p>
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<p>George: Yeah, she's very lovely.</p>
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<p>Elaine: That's great George. </p>
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<p>George: So did you enjoy your lunch?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, A big salad. Very good. Actually it was too big. Ha ha
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ha Wht?</p>
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<p>George: oh, . . .because she handed you the bag. I could have handed
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you the bag. She happened to pick it up at the restaurant even though,
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. . . </p>
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<p>Elaine: Even though what?</p>
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<p>George: . . . naw, it's just you thanked HER, and and oh, . . . what's
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the difference?</p>
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<p>Elaine: What? What are you trying to say, George?</p>
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<p>George: It's just that I was the one who actually paid for the big salad.
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She just happened to hand it to you. But it's no big deal. </p>
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<p>Elaine: You want the money for the big salad, George?</p>
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<p>George: No, no,</p>
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<p>Elaine: What is the problem?</p>
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<p>George: There is no problem. . . just a small miscommunication. Whereby
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you thanked her instead of the person actually responsible for purchasing
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the big salad.</p>
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<p>[Jerry's]</p>
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<p>Jerry: And Kramer thinks a penalty stroke may have driven him to it.</p>
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<p>Margaret: Well, they haven't even arrested him yet. Come on, let's go
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out.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Ah, no , I don't think so.</p>
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<p>Margaret: Why not?</p>
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<p>Jerry: We don't need a bunch of people staring at us.</p>
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<p>Margaret: Who is staring?<br>
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Jerry: Oh, they're staring. They know we're on a date. They're making
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fun. Come on. It's embarrassing. </p>
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<p>[Phone rings]</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hello. No she's not here. Yes I will tell her. No I don't know
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what time she might be coming back. Look I gotta' go. Goodbye. . . . That,
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that's a long story. </p>
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<p>[Newman enters]</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hello Newman.</p>
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<p>Margaret: Hello Jerry, I was wondering if you knew where Kramer was.
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</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, no I don't. Why?</p>
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<p>Margaret: You know, Genderson. This is something big. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I suppose.</p>
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<p>Margaret: What did Kramer say? </p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't know. Nothing.? </p>
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<p>Margaret: Come on Jerry. You know something TELL ME! TELL ME!, Oh, chocolates
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. . . Margaret?</p>
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<p>Margaret: Hello.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You two know each other?</p>
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<p>Newman: You might say that.</p>
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<p>Margaret: We used to go out.</p>
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<p>Newman: Well, tootle loo. And nice seeing you again Margaret, goodbye
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Jerry. Have fun. Hehe </p>
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<p>Jerry: . . . YOU went out with . . . Newman?</p>
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<p>Margaret: Just a few times. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why?</p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: I liked him. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You liked, Newman?</p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: Look I'm a little uncomfortable talking about this okay?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I'm sorry. I'm just a little curious. I mean why did you stop
|
|
seeing him. </p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: He ended it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: . . . HE ended it? </p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: YES!! Yes! It was a couple of years ago. Why does it matter?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, no of course not. </p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry, Jerry they found a tee. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What tee?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: A golf tee. In the dry cleaner.</p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Newman! She went out with Newman!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It must be a mistake.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No. It isn't and the most distressing part of it is, not that
|
|
she went out with him but that HE stopped seeing her. Do you understand?
|
|
He, Newman; Newman stopped seeing her. Newman never stopped seeing anybody.
|
|
Newman will see whoever is willing to see him. Not so much why she did
|
|
see him as disturbing as that is. But why, did HE, Newman, stop seeing
|
|
her? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Perhaps there's more to him than meets the eye. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, there's less. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's possible.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No it isn't. I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: He's an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, he's a mystery wrapped in a Twinkie.</p>
|
|
<p>Wx: Would you like some more coffee? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No,, but thank you. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, by the way, your stationery store guy called and he's got
|
|
your pencil. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ugh! You are kidding me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, he left the store early, made a special trip to the distributor
|
|
and got it. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I bought mine yesterday on 14th Street. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, what did you do that for? You ordered it.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: To please Mr. Pitt. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, you better go down there and tell this guy. He's very excited.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Uh, great!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi Julie.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hi Julie.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi, how are you, Elaine? I'm meeting George here. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, well then I better get going otherwise George will make me
|
|
buy him lunch to make up for that big salad he bought me yesterday. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How do you know THAT?</p>
|
|
<p>[Newman's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>[knock knock]</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Who is it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: You've come at a bad time now. Could you come back later?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Come on Newman. OPEN THE DOOR!</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hellooo Jerry. What a rare treat. What brings you down to the
|
|
east wing?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Okay, pudgy, lets stop playing games. What happened with margaret?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: There's no need to get excited. Can't we discuss this like gentlemen?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, we can't. My skin is crawling just being inside your little
|
|
rat's nest. Now, what happened?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Do you really want to know what happened? I'll tell you what
|
|
Happened. She wasn't my type. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Noit your type? </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Not really. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, how come? </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Ah, she just didn't do it for me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What, what is wrong with her? </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Well, h ha ha- if you're happy with her, that's all that matters.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You don't think she's attractive?</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: No. I need a really pretty face. But, Hey, that's me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Okay, Newman, thanks a lot. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Care for some lemonade? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, thank you. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Drop bye anytime, jerry. Hah, ha ha </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Listen to this, "If a player cleans his ball during the
|
|
play of a hole accept on the putting green he shall incur a penalty of
|
|
one stroke. " That's a rule, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: But it's just a friendly game. Why do you have to be such a stickler?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Because that's the way I weas raised. You know when I was growing
|
|
up I had to be in bed every night by nine o'clock. And if I wasn't, well
|
|
I don't have to tell you what happened. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What are you so worried about this for?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You know he talked about Pinkus on the course? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He did?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh yeah, he said he brought a pair of pants into Pinkus' and
|
|
they came back stained with some kind of dry cleaning fluid. And Pinkus
|
|
denied responsibility. You see he was very upset with Pinkus. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So it had nothing to do with you. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, but maybe I pushed him over the edge. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I don't think so. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Poor Pinkus, poor little Pinkus.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, let me ask you a question. You met margaret. Doo you think
|
|
Margaret's good looking? Um, she's a natural beauty. Oh, no makeup. I
|
|
like that. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, and the curls. You like the curls?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, I love curls.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah,, me too. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right, I'll see you later.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Where you going?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Genderson's.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You're going to see Genderson?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It's weighing on my conscience. </p>
|
|
<p>[Monk's]</p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, I think I could have played with dolls if their were
|
|
dolls in the house. It seems like fun to me. It doesn't seem like a gender
|
|
thing. I think I would like to play with dolls. What's so terrible?</p>
|
|
<p>Julie: Ha. So, George, I was talking to Elaine before.</p>
|
|
<p>George: A ha! We're just friends. </p>
|
|
<p>Julie: Yes, well anyway, she said something that was kind of intriguing.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, share.</p>
|
|
<p>Julie: Well, when I came over to the table she mentioned something about
|
|
how she better hurry up and leave or you'd make her buy lunch to make
|
|
up for the one you bought yesterday.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Ha, ha ha uh, I'm not following that. </p>
|
|
<p>Julie: Well, my question is, How could Elaine be under the impression
|
|
that you bought the big salad, when I was the one who handed it to her?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, she probably just assumed. </p>
|
|
<p>Julie: Um, did she?</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>George: . . .uh, . . . wait a second. Are you suggesting that I went
|
|
out of my way to tell Elaine that even though you handed her the big salad,
|
|
that it came from me? </p>
|
|
<p>Julie: That's what I'm suggesting. </p>
|
|
<p>George: . . . WELL IT WAS A BIG SALAD. AND WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW
|
|
IS, HOW DOES A PERSON WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BIG SALAD CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY
|
|
FOR THAT SALAD AND ACCEPT THE THANK YOU UNDER FALSE PRETENSES - AH - AH?</p>
|
|
<p>Julie: George, all I did was hand someone a bag. </p>
|
|
<p>[Julie leaves]</p>
|
|
<p>[Stationery store]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's just that my boss is very demanding and he needed the pencil
|
|
right away.</p>
|
|
<p>Stationer: Well,, why did you tell me to order it if you knew you were
|
|
going to get one someplace else?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, no no I didn't know. I, I'm sorry. </p>
|
|
<p>Stationer: I went all the way down to the warehouse. It took me three
|
|
hours. I had a big fight with the foreman. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Really? A fight with the foreman? </p>
|
|
<p>Stationer: Yes. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, again, I'm just awfully sorry. </p>
|
|
<p>Stationer: Yeah? Well, then how about going out with me tonight? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Okay. </p>
|
|
<p>[In Margaret's car]</p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: I mean they found a tee and he played golf that day. Nobody
|
|
walks into a dry cleaner's with a tee. The circumstantial evidence is
|
|
overwhelming. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You had how many dates with him? Three? </p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: Around three. I don't know. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: And . . </p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: I told you. He stopped calling me. I moved on. I'm not hung
|
|
up on him. What are you looking at? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What? I'm not looking. Nothing. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why are you looking at my face? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Where am I going to look? </p>
|
|
<p>Margaret: Kiss me.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: . . . I can't. </p>
|
|
<p>[Throws Jerry out onto sidewalk and drives off]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Newman!</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All I could think of was when I was looking at her face was; Newman
|
|
found this unacceptable. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, ,I'm going out with the stationery store guy. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You're going out with the stationery store guy?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I felt so guilty about the pencil I couldn't say no. </p>
|
|
<p>[George enters, upset]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, well, well, I'm not treating you to lunch ANYMORE! You
|
|
had to tell Julie that I made a special point of telling you that I bought
|
|
you the big salad. Didn't ya'. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Uh, uh.</p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, if it was a regular salad I wouldn't have said anything.
|
|
But you had to have the BIG SALAD. </p>
|
|
<p>[phone rings]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hello, what? You're kidding. I'm turning it on. Oh, my god. Get
|
|
out of here. [hangs up] Hey listen to this. They issued a warrant for
|
|
Genderson's arrest. He escaped and the police spotted him on the New Jersey
|
|
Turnpike. </p>
|
|
<p>TV: As you can see white Bronco. The police have cleared the highway
|
|
traffic in front of him but they are keeping their distance and don't
|
|
want the situation to escalate. And we have gotten an identification on
|
|
the driver of the vehicle. His name is; Kramer, one of Genderson's golfing
|
|
buddies. </p>
|
|
<p>Police: 9-1-1 What are you reporting</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, this is Kramer. I got Genderson in the car. He wants to
|
|
see his fish. I'm taking him to see his fish. So tell the police to back
|
|
off. </p>
|
|
<p>Police: Okay, sir, and what's your name?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: My name is Kramer. You know who I am dammit! </p>
|
|
<p>Genderson: I told you not to take the turnpike.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I thought we would blend in.</p>
|
|
<p>Genderson: If we took the palisades this never have happened. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: we would have had all that bridge traffic. </p>
|
|
<p>Genderson: Ah, just drive. </p>
|
|
<p>[END]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Monologue<br>
|
|
=========<br>
|
|
(Jail?) doesn't really seem like that great of revenge. Wouldn't years
|
|
of subtle psychological mind games be a lot more satisfying? Constantly
|
|
calling him, hanging up when he answers the phone. Sending pizzas and
|
|
taxis to their house all night long. After a while he would go, "I
|
|
wish that guy would kill me already, I can't take it anymore." And
|
|
how come when the police catch some really bad criminal or something they
|
|
put him in the handcuffs, they hit him with the baton, they put the choke
|
|
hold on him, then they're always careful they don't want him to hurt his
|
|
head when they're putting him in the back of the patrol car. "Watch
|
|
your head, watch your head. Don't hit that metal edge there. . . . That
|
|
REALLY hurts"</p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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