1190 lines
47 KiB
HTML
1190 lines
47 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Boyfriend (1)</h1>
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<p align="left">
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Transcribed by The News Guy(Mike) With help from "Luke Nan"
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|
in Australia.<br>
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<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Jerry - Jerry Seinfeld<br>
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|
Kramer - Michael Richards<br>
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|
George - Jason Alexander<br>
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|
Elaine - Julia Louis-Dryfus<br>
|
|
Keith Hernandez - Himself <br>
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|
Rae Allen - Mrs. Lenore Sokol <br>
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Richard Assad - Cabby <br>
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|
Wayne Knight - Newman<br>
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|
<br>
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Written by: Larry David and Larry Levin <br>
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|
Directed by: Tom Cherones<br>
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<br>
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|
STAND UP<br>
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|
=========<br>
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|
To me, going to the health club, you see all these people and they're<br>
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|
working out, and they're training and they're getting in shape but
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|
the<br>
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|
strange thing is nobody is really getting in shape for anything.
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|
The only<br>
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|
reason that you're getting in shape is that so you can get through
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|
the<br>
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|
workout. So we're working out, so that we'll be in shape, for when
|
|
we have<br>
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|
to do our exercise. This is the whole thing. The other thing I don't
|
|
get<br>
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|
about it, is why we're so careful about locking up our dirty towels
|
|
and<br>
|
|
smelly jock-straps. What exactly is the black market on these disgusting
|
|
gym<br>
|
|
clothes? I give my car to any valet guy in front of a restaraunt
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|
because he<br>
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|
has a short red jacket, yeah he must be the valet guy, I don't even
|
|
think<br>
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|
about it but my stinking, putrified gym clothes, I got one of these
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|
locks<br>
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|
you could put a bullet through it and it won't open. That stuff
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|
is safe.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
<br>
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|
[Gym Locker Room]<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Wide open, I was wide open underneath! I had three inches
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|
on that<br>
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|
guy. You two were hogging the ball.<br>
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|
<br>
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GEORGE: Me? It wasn't me I never even saw the ball. All you do is
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|
dribble.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: I have to dribble, if I give it to you, you just shoot. You're
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|
a<br>
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|
chucker.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: Oh I'm a chucker.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: That's right, everytime you get the ball you shoot.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: I can't believe you called me a chucker. No way I'm a chucker,
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|
I do<br>
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|
not chuck, never chucked, never have chucked, never will chuck,
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|
no chuck!<br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: You chuck.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEROGE: Kramer am I a chucker?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: You're a chucker.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: All these years I've been chuckin' and you've never told
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me?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: Well it's not an easy thing to bring up.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Hey you know this is the first time we've ever seen each
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other naked. <br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: Believe me I didn't see anything. <br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Oh, you didn't sneak a peak? <br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: No, did you?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Yeah, I snuck a peak. <br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: Why?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Why not? hey what about you George? <br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: yeah, I ... I snuck a peak. ... But it was so fast I didn't
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|
see <br>
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|
anything. It was just a blur.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: I made a conscious effort not to look. There's certain information
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|
I just <br>
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|
don't want to have. <br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Uh, I gotta go meet Newman. All right. I'll see you later.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
JERRY: All right <br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Have a good one.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: All right<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: See ya.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer exits]<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: look at this guy. Does he have to stretch in here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You know who that is? That's <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Keith Hernandez? The baseball player? <br>
|
|
<br>
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|
JERRY: Yeah, that's him. <br>
|
|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: Are you sure? <br>
|
|
<br>
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|
JERRY: Positive. <br>
|
|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: Wow, Keith Hernandez. He's such a great player.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
JERRY: Yeah, he's a real smart guy too. He's a Civil War buff. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I'd love to be a Civil War buff. ... What do you have to
|
|
do to be a buff<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So Biff wants to be a buff? ... Well sleeping less than 18
|
|
hours a day <br>
|
|
would be a start. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: ho ho ho ho. You know I only got two weeks left of unemployment.
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|
I got <br>
|
|
to prove I've been looking for a job to get an extension <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey, should we say something to him? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh, yeah I'm sure he loves to hear from fans in the locker
|
|
room.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: well he could say hello to me. I wouldn't mind. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: He's Keith Hernandez. You're Jerry Seinfeld. <br>
|
|
<br>
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|
JERRY: So? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What are you comparing yourself to Keith Hernandez. The
|
|
guys a baseball <br>
|
|
player Jerry, Baseball!<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
JERRY: I know what he is. I recognized him. You didn't even notice
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|
him. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What, ... you are making some wisecracks in a night club...
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|
wo wo wo. <br>
|
|
The guy was in game SIX two runs down two outs facing elimination.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Excuse me. I don't want to disturb you, I'm Keith Hernandez
|
|
and I just <br>
|
|
want to tell you what a big fan I am. I love your comedy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: I've always wanted to do what you do. <br>
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|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What I do? You are one of my favorite ball players of all
|
|
time <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Mine too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: I love that bit about Jimmy Olson<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
GEORGE: You know Keith, what I've always wondered, with all these
|
|
ball clubs <br>
|
|
flying around all season don't you think there would be a plane
|
|
crash? ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: (to Jerry) Do you perform anywhere in new York right now?
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm performing in this club on the east Side. You should
|
|
come in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: But if you think about it...26 teams, 162 games a season,
|
|
you'd think <br>
|
|
eventually an entire team would get wiped out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: You know, I live on the East Side. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'll tell you what, I'll give you my number and uh, just
|
|
give me a call, <br>
|
|
tell me whenever you want to go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: or maybe just to get together for a cup of coffee<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh. that would be great. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Uh, it's only a matter of time. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Who's this chucker?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
---<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monks]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: It's been three days and he hasn't called. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well maybe you should call him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I can't ... I can't <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Why not?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I don't know. I just feel he should call me. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What's the difference?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You don't understand, Elaine. I don't want to be overanxious.
|
|
If he wants <br>
|
|
to see me he has my number, he should call. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yech, look at this ashtray. I hate cigarettes. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I can't stand these guys. You give your number to them and
|
|
then they <br>
|
|
don't call. Why do they do that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I'm sorry honey. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I mean, I thought he liked me. I really thought he liked
|
|
me. we were <br>
|
|
getting along. He came over to me I didn't go over to him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: No, <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Why did he come over to me if he didn't want to see me? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What did he come over to me if he didn't want to see me?
|
|
I mean here I <br>
|
|
meet this guy this great guy, a baseball player, best guy I ever
|
|
met in my life. <br>
|
|
.. Well that's it. I'm never giving my number out to another guy
|
|
again. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Sometimes I've given my number out to guys and it takes
|
|
them a month to <br>
|
|
call.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hu, good, good,... well if he's calling in a month he's got
|
|
a prayer!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You know maybe he's been busy. Maybe he's been out of town?
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, they don't have phones out of town? Why do(?) people
|
|
say they're <br>
|
|
too busy. Too busy. Pick up a phone!! It takes two minutes. How
|
|
can you be <br>
|
|
too busy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Why don't you just go ahead and call him? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I can't call here, it's a coffee shop. I mean what am I going
|
|
to say to <br>
|
|
him? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Just ask him if he wants a to get together.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: For what dinner? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Dinner's good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Don't you think that's coming on a little too strong? ..
|
|
Isn't that like <br>
|
|
a turn off?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Jerry, He's A GUY! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: ... this is all .. very confusing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STAND UP<br>
|
|
=========<br>
|
|
When you're in your thirties it's very hard to make a new friend.
|
|
Whatever the <br>
|
|
group is that you've got now that's who you're going with. you're
|
|
not <br>
|
|
interviewing, you're not looking at any new people, you're not interested
|
|
in <br>
|
|
seeing any applications. They don't know the places. They don't
|
|
know the food. <br>
|
|
They don't know the activities, If I meet a guy in a club on the
|
|
gym or <br>
|
|
someplace I'm sure you're a very nice person you seem to have a
|
|
lot of <br>
|
|
potential, but we're just not hiring right now. Of course when you're
|
|
a kid, <br>
|
|
you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little
|
|
kid what were <br>
|
|
the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, That's
|
|
my friend, <br>
|
|
they're my friend. That's it. Are you a grown up.? No. Great! Come
|
|
on in. Jump <br>
|
|
up and down on my bed. And if you have anything in common at all,
|
|
You like <br>
|
|
Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We'll be best friends!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New York State Department of Labor]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: You know you only have two more weeks before your benefits
|
|
run out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yes and I was hoping ... to get a thirteen week extension.
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: So where have you been looking for work? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well you know what I've discovered Mrs. Sokol. It's not
|
|
so much the <br>
|
|
looking as the listening. I listen for work. And as I'm looking
|
|
and listening I <br>
|
|
am also looking. You can't discount looking. It's sort of a combination.
|
|
It's <br>
|
|
looking, and listening, listening and looking. But you must look.
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: Can you be specific about any of these companies?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Specific, Ah, lets see. I've walked in and out of so many
|
|
buildings <br>
|
|
they all .. blend in together, I uh, ..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: Well just give me one name.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Absolutely, uh, lets see there's, uh, Vandaley Industries,
|
|
I just saw <br>
|
|
them. I got very close there. very close.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: And what type of company is that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Latex, latex manufacturing <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: And you interviewed there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yes, for a sales position. Latex salesman, the selling of
|
|
latex, and <br>
|
|
latex related products. They just wouldn't give me a chance. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: I'm going to need an address and a phone number for
|
|
this uh, <br>
|
|
Vandaley company...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GOERGE: You like gum? 'Cause I have a friend in the gum business.
|
|
I got a <br>
|
|
gum guy. I make one phone call. I got boxes of delivered right to
|
|
your door. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: The address!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: YYYDDSSHE(?) ... Jose Jimenez. You recognize it? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Jose Jimenez, ... verrry funny. ..very funny.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: The ADDRESS!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: uh, Uh, Vandaley Industries, is uh. 129 West 81st street.
|
|
It's a very <br>
|
|
small industry Vandaley. It's one of the reasons I wanted to uh,
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
work for them.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: The PHONE number.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: That's uh, KL5-8383. Are you calling them soon because,
|
|
they keep very <br>
|
|
strange hours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS. SOKOL: As soon as I'm done wit you!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Sure, well uh, you know I'll check in with you next week
|
|
uh, I gotta run <br>
|
|
now because I got a full plate this afternoon. All right, really
|
|
go to <br>
|
|
uh,. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George runs down hall]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Street phone booth- George pulls kid out of booth]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (Frantically, takes phone and screams...) He'll call you
|
|
back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (loungingly talking on phone) It's a par five. So you know
|
|
I step up to <br>
|
|
the tee and I hit a beautiful drive right down the middle of the
|
|
fairway. <br>
|
|
I mean you know my hook, right? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Elaine, how about this shirt? Is this okay?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Jerry, ... He's a GUY!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: well it's a dog leg left, so I play the hook right? .. hold
|
|
on there's <br>
|
|
another call.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Phone Booth]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (Frantically) Jerry, Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: George?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Kramer put Jerry on the phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (Angrily) Yeah, look I'm in the middle of something. Call
|
|
back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Kramer!! Kramer no!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: ... so the ball takes of and I'm waiting for it to turn.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Phone Booth]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: hitting phone <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Cop bangs on booth with kid beside him]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, I'll talk to Jerry. Yeah, [Hangs up] . . . you know
|
|
that was <br>
|
|
Michael and Carol. She's wondering when we're going to come over
|
|
and see <br>
|
|
the baby.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, see the baby again with the baby..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Who are they?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh, he's this guy who used to live in the building and they
|
|
keep calling <br>
|
|
us to see the baby.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (imitates) Ya' gotta see the babi - When are ya' gonna see
|
|
the babi... <br>
|
|
Can't they just send us a tape?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You know if you waited a few more months it won't be a baby
|
|
anymore <br>
|
|
then you wouldn't have to see it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: uh uh because then it would be all grown up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: yeah ha ha ha <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey Kramer what do you think of this shirt?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (does a double take) It's too busy<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: It looks like you're trying too hard to make an impression
|
|
on him. <br>
|
|
You're not being yourself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: What guy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I know he's just a guy but .. I LIKE him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Who are you talkin about?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh, Keith uh Hernandez.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: KEITH HERNANDEZ? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: [enters] KEITH HERNANDEZ?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[In cab]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Do me a favor would you? Would you change lanes? Would you
|
|
get outta <br>
|
|
this lane. You gotta get out of this lane. This lane stinks. They're
|
|
<br>
|
|
all double parked here Please get outta this lane. I'm beggin you
|
|
please <br>
|
|
please. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[changes lanes]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You know what, bad mistake my mistake do me a favor go back
|
|
to the other <br>
|
|
lane - you'll never get there - forget this lane - y'a kn ow what
|
|
this lane <br>
|
|
stinks - go back to the other lane - bad decision - go go go take
|
|
this light - <br>
|
|
take this light - <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CABBY: That's it GET OUT!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Get out?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CABBY: Get out of my cab.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Wa, I'm not getting out of this cab<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Cabby gets out]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: No, no! You can't throw me out<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Wrestling in cab]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hellooo Newman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I hate KEITH HERNANDEZ - hate him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: I despise him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Why?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Why? I'll tell you why...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Let me tell it ..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: No, you can't tell it ..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: You always tell it ..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: All right, tell it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Ja ja ja - just tell it <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful
|
|
afternoon <br>
|
|
in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five
|
|
run Phillies <br>
|
|
ninth. Cost the Mets the game.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know,
|
|
they were <br>
|
|
waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp
|
|
... [cut <br>
|
|
to film of the day - like the Zabruter film - with the Umbrella
|
|
man and <br>
|
|
everything - Oh so brilliant parody!!!] ... Newman was in front
|
|
of me. Keith <br>
|
|
was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, "
|
|
Nice game pretty <br>
|
|
boy.". Keith continued past us up the ramp.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: A second later, something happened that changed us in a
|
|
deep and <br>
|
|
profound way front that day forward.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What was it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Wow! What a story.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the
|
|
whole premise <br>
|
|
of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Benes as <br>
|
|
I've heard this story a number of times.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story
|
|
Keith <br>
|
|
passes you and starts walking up the ramp then you say you were
|
|
struck on <br>
|
|
the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple
|
|
<br>
|
|
striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then cam
|
|
off <br>
|
|
the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to
|
|
drop his <br>
|
|
baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, Pauses In mid
|
|
air <br>
|
|
mind you- makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That
|
|
is one <br>
|
|
magic luggie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[THE BRILLIANCE OF THIS SCENE IS THAT IT IS AN EXACT PARODY OF KEVIN
|
|
COSTNER'S COURTROOM SCENE IN <br>
|
|
THE FILM JFK - AND WAYNE KNIGHT PLAYED THE SAME POSITION IN BOTH!!!]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Well that's the way it happened.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well. uh, well my head went back and to the left<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Again<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Back and to the left<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Back and to the left Back and to the left<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So, what are you saying?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind
|
|
... that there had to have been <br>
|
|
a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the
|
|
spitter was behind you as you claimed <br>
|
|
that would have caused your head to pitch forward.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the
|
|
right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: But that is not what they would have you believe.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: I'm leavin'. Jerry's a nut. [Exits] <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Wait, wait, [Exits]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: The sad thing is we may never know the real truth. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George runs in]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: [Frantically] Did anybody call here asking for Vandaley
|
|
industries?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No. What happened to you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Now, listen closely. I was at the unemployment office and
|
|
I told them that I was very close <br>
|
|
to getting a job with Vandaley Industries and I gave them your phone
|
|
number. So, when now when the phone <br>
|
|
rings you've got to answer "Vanadaley Industries".<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm Vanadaley Industries?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: And what is that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You're in latex<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Latex? And what do I do with latex? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Ya manufacture it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Here in this little apartment?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: And what do I say about you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm going to hire you as my latex salesman? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I don't think so. Why would I do that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Because I asked you to.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: If you think I'm looking for someone to just sit at a desk
|
|
pushing papers <br>
|
|
around, you can forget it. I have enough headaches just trying to
|
|
<br>
|
|
manufacture the stuff.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Buzzer]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: It's Keith.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: All right we're coming down. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: KEITH HERNANDEZ:?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, come on Elaine, lets go. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Where are you goin?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: He's giving me a ride You know there had to have been a
|
|
second spitter. <br>
|
|
But who was it? Who had the motive?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: That's what I've been trying to figure out the past five
|
|
years.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What the hell are you two talking about? [All exit]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Keith's car]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well that was really fun, thanks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Yeah, it really was.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY(MIND): Should I shake his hand? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: UH, do you want to catch a movie this weekend? Have you seen
|
|
JFK? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No, I haven't.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY(MIND): This weekend. WOW! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Sure, that would be great.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY(MIND): Damn, I was too overanxious, he must have noticed that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I mean, ... if you want to.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Well, how about this Friday?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, Friday's okay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY(MIND): Go ahead shake his hand. You're Jerry Seinfeld. You've
|
|
been on <br>
|
|
the Tonight Show.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, good night [holds hand out and shakes hand]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Goodnight. Oh, Jer, by the way, the woman we gave a ride
|
|
to earlier <br>
|
|
tonight, <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Yeah. What's her story?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh, I don't know, we used to go out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Would you mind if I gave her a call?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: For a date?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, no, uh, go ahead. You got a pen? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KEITH: You sure you don't mind?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: .... [silence]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So then we went to dinner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Who paid?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: We split it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Split it. Pretty good. Talk about game six? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Naw, I gotta wait until its just the right time.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Buzzer]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: It's Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Come on up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So then what? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
JERRY: Uh, nuthin'. Then he took me home.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Shake his hand?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (smiling) Yeah<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What kind of a shake does he have?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Good shake. Perfect shake. Single pump, not too hard, you
|
|
know, doesn't <br>
|
|
have to prove anything, but, you know, firm enough to know he was
|
|
there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So, uh, you gonna see him again? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: He asked me if I was doing anything Friday night. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Wow! The weekend.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So then as I was getting out of the car, ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: HI<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hi Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Sooo, how was your date?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What date? It's a GUY. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So you know , ... he called me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Already?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Keith called you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: [nods]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: He he This guy really gets around. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Do you mind?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I don't mind at all. Why should I mind? What did he say?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: He asked me out for Saturday night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, ya' going?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I told him I was busy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ah, really.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So, we're going out Friday.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[long pause]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Friday? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: He's going' out with you on Friday?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: He's supposed to see ME on Friday.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh, uh, I didn't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: We made plans.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well, uh, I'll cancel it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No, don't cancel it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Huh. Well this is a little awkward, isn't it/<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, frankly it is.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I've never seen you jealous before. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well you're not even a fan. I was at game six - you didn't
|
|
even watch <br>
|
|
it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Wait a second wait a minute, You jealous of him or you jealous
|
|
of me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[long pause]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Any Hennigans around here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Phone rings]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Vandaley Industries, Kel Varnsen speaking. May we help you?
|
|
... Oh Hi <br>
|
|
Keith. Na, I was just jokin' around <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No. No. I don't mind at all. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: [whispers] No, no, no, I can cancel. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Sure, we can do something next week.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: [whispers I can cancel.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No, its no problem at all.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: [whispers] I,...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Okay, take it easy. [hangs up] That was Keith. we're going
|
|
to do <br>
|
|
something next week. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer enters]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey what are you doing Friday night?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Friday night? Nothin', ... now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Okay, wanna come with me and see the baby?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Fasten your seat belts. we're goin' to see the baby.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Come on, if you don't see the baby now you're never gonna
|
|
see it<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: All right, I'll go<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: All right<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry exits with garbage]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer sits beside Elaine - awkward moment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[phone rings]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yallo. What delay industries? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: no no , ..<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: [from bathroom] VANDALEY, SAY VANDALEY!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Na, you're way way way off.. Well, yeah that's the right
|
|
number but <br>
|
|
this is an apartment<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: [from bathroom] VANDALEY, SAY VANDEL... [George falls] ...
|
|
vandaley <br>
|
|
Industries, ...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: no problem, ... no problem. [Hangs up] ... How did YOU know
|
|
who that <br>
|
|
was? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry enters - sees George on the floor]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: And you want to be my latex salesman. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Notice magazine is on wrong side on the floor]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The End<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
|
|
</p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<strong><big><big></big></big></strong>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- content -->
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|
|
|
<div id="navBar">
|
|
|
|
<div id="upperBox">
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
|
|
google_ad_width = 200;
|
|
google_ad_height = 200;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
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|
</div>
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|
<div class="leftnav"><br />
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|
<ul>
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|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
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<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
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<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
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<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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|
|
|
|
|
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
|
|
<div>
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
|
|
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
|
|
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
|
|
</div>
|
|
</form>
|
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|
</ul>
|
|
<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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|
<p> </p>
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|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
|
|
google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
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<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
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<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
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</div>
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</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
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<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|