1200 lines
53 KiB
HTML
1200 lines
53 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Bris</h1>
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</p>
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<p>CAST</p>
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<p>JERRY.............................................JERRY SEINFELD</p>
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<p>GEORGE............................................JASON ALEXANDER</p>
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<p>KRAMER............................................MICHAEL RICHARDS</p>
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<p>ELAINE.........................................JULIA LOUIS- DREYFUS</p>
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<p>GUEST CAST</p>
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<p>(in order of appearance)</p>
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<p>STAN..............................................TOM ALLAN ROBBINS</p>
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<p>MYRA..............................................JEANNIE ELIAS</p>
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<p>PATIENT...........................................*FRANK NOON</p>
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<p>MRS. SWEEDLER.....................................DEBRA MOONEY</p>
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<p>RESIDENT..........................................JOHN GEGENHUBER</p>
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<p>*MAN..............................................ALFRED DENNIS</p>
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<p>*WOMAN............................................TIA RIEBLING</p>
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<p>MOHEL.............................................CHARLES LEVIN</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>SEINFELD Revision #1 (pink) 1.</p>
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<p>"The Bris" Sept 22 1993 (A)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>(Jerry, Elaine, George, </p>
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<p>Stan, Myra, (Steven))</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>ACT ONE</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>SCENE A</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (1)</p>
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<p>JERRY, ELAINE AND GEORGE ARE VISITING WITH NEW PARENTS, MYRA AND</p>
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<p>STAN FLICK AND THEIR BABY STEVEN. MYRA DISCREETLY BREAST FEEDS
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THE</p>
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<p>BABY. STAN IS IN THE MIDST OF THE HARROWING BIRTH STORY, AS JERRY</p>
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<p>AND ELAINE ALTERNATE BETWEEN BOREDOM AND SQUIRMING. GEORGE, SITS</p>
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<p>BY THE WINDOW, STARING OUT, IGNORING THE PROCEEDING.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>...And so the baby's head comes</p>
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<p>out, and I'm screaming and my</p>
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<p>brother who's been videotaping the</p>
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<p>whole thing turns green, his eyes</p>
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<p>roll up in his head and he blacks</p>
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<p>out, drops the camera, the camera</p>
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<p>breaks, then , the placenta comes</p>
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<p>flying out.</p>
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<p>ELAINE</p>
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<p>Whoa.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>And then doctor says...</p>
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<p>JERRY</p>
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<p>Thank you, that's enough.</p>
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<p>JERRY AND ELAINE EXCHANGE GLANCE. MYRA IS BREAST FEEDING. JERRY</p>
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<p>WINCES, HE CAN'T WATCH. HE IS VISIBLY UNSETTLED.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Will you look at that baby. Sucking like there's no tomorrow.</p>
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<p>Just sucking away. Suck, suck, suck...</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>(LOOKING AWAY) Yeah, yeah, yeah.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Look at that Jerry, look at that.</p>
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<p>Sucking, sucking...</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Yeah, I looked. I saw.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>This doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Uncomfortable? Not at all. (ASIDE TO ELAINE) See your friend's</p>
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<p>wife's breast sticking out - why would that make me</p>
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<p>uncomfortable?</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Look at him.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>How long do they do that?</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Oh, a year or two.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>No break?</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Then comes the weaning.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>So after the sucking, comes the weaning.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>First the sucking then the weaning.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Well, you gotta wean.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Gotta wean.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>It's a must wean situation.</p>
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<p>PAUSE.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>What about that spot I got?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Yeah, that's a great spot.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>You open the door to the car, boom, you walk right into the</p>
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<p>hospital. You can't beat that spot. I'm on a roll. I am just</p>
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<p>willing these great parking spots. In front of my house. In front</p>
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<p>of Jerry's building. Did I tell you about the spot in front of</p>
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<p>the post office?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Yes.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>I'm driving to the post office.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>(INTERRUPTING) George.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>Maybe the baby would like to see my spot. A positive, uplifting</p>
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<p>message to start his life out with. You can still get a great</p>
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<p>space in this town - if you apply yourself. </p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Where's KRAMER? He should've been here by now.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Did you give him the room number?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Yes, 1397.</p>
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<p>CUT TO:</p>
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<p>(Kramer, Patient, Orderlies)</p>
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<p>ACT ONE</p>
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<p>SCENE B</p>
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<p>INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY 1</p>
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<p>KRAMER, WANDERING.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>1937, 1937, 1937...</p>
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<p>A WANDERING PATIENT STOPS HIM</p>
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<p>PATIENT</p>
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<p>Excuse me. Do you know where the staircase is?</p>
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<p>KRAMER LOOKS AROUND.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>Uh.. over there...</p>
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<p>PATIENT SMILES AND EXITS. KRAMER WALKS A BIT FURTHER AND FINDS</p>
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<p>WHAT HE THINKS IS THE STAN'S ROOM.</p>
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<p>KRAMER (CONT'D)</p>
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<p>1937.</p>
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<p>HE ENTER THE ROOM. TWO ORDERLIES RUN DOWN THE HALL, FRANTICALLY</p>
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<p>SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE.</p>
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<p>CUT TO:</p>
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<p>ACT ONE</p>
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<p>SCENE C</p>
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<p>IN HOSPITAL ROOM #2 - DAY 1</p>
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<p>KRAMER LOOKS AROUND. THERE IS A PATIENT BEHIND A CURTAIN. OUTSIDE</p>
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<p>THE CURTAIN IS A TRAY OF FOOD. HE PICKS UP THE TRAY. KRAMER IS</p>
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<p>HUNGRY AND LIKES HOSPITAL FOOD TO BOOT. AS HE STUFF HIS FACE, HE</p>
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<p>BECOMES AWARE OF A STRANGE SOUND EMANATING FROM BEHIND THE</p>
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<p>CURTAIN. IT SOUNDS LIKE THE "OINK" OR "SQUEAL"
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OF A PIG. HIS</p>
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<p>CURIOSITY GETTING THE BEST OF HIM, WITH HIS MOUTH FULL, HE STEPS</p>
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<p>INSIDE THE PARTITIONED AREA. A BEAT. THEN HE COMES BURSTING OUT,</p>
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<p>SPITTING FOOD AND SCREAMING.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>Pig man! It's a pig man! Pig man!</p>
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<p>CUT TO:</p>
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<p>(Jerry, Elaine, George, Stan, Myra, Kramer (Steven)</p>
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<p>ACT ONE</p>
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<p>SCENE D</p>
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<p>INT HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 1</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>..So anyway, Jerry and Elaine, we have something we want to ask</p>
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<p>you.</p>
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<p>GEORGE</p>
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<p>Look at it. I pulled it in perfectly equidistant from the car in</p>
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<p>front of me and the car behind me.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Will you shut up.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>I'm taking a cab home. I can't take it anymore.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>So what were you about to say, Stan?</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Myra and I would like you and Elaine to be the Godparents of</p>
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<p>Steven.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Wow.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Me? A godfather?</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Yes.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>(A LA DON CORLEONE) Never go against the family, Elaine.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>What?</p>
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<p>KRAMER ENTERS.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>The pig-man! I saw a pig-man! He was just lying there and then
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he</p>
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<p>woke up. He looked up at me and made this horrible sound (MAKES</p>
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<p>SOUND).</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>Kramer, what the hell are you talking about?</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>I'm talking about the pigman, George. I went into the wrong room</p>
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<p>and there he was.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>A pigman?</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>Yes, a pigman. Half pig, half man.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>That's nice, Kramer... So, anyway, what exactly is involved in</p>
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<p>being a Godparent?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>(A LA DON CORLEIONE) Elaine, don't ever ask me about my</p>
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<p>business!.... (SHEEPISH) "Godfather."</p>
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<p>MYRA</p>
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<p>Nothing really.</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>The most important thing is to help with the bris.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>The bris?</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>The bris?</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>A bris? you mean snip snip?</p>
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<p>STAN</p>
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<p>Yeah.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>I would advise against that.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Kramer. It's a tradition.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>Well, so was sacrificing virgins to appease the gods, but we</p>
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<p>don't do that anymore.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Well, maybe we should.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>Why are all those people milling around my car?</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>I don't know.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Maybe they're admiring your spot.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>No. They're all looking up.</p>
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<p>George.</p>
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<p>Oh my god, there's somebody on the roof of the hospital.</p>
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<p>KRAMER</p>
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<p>Whoa. That's the guy who asked me where the staircase was.</p>
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<p>George</p>
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<p>Jeez, I hope he doesn't.. Oh no!</p>
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<p>BY EVERYONE'S REACTION WE SEE HE HAS JUMPED. THEN WE HEAR THE</p>
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<p>THUD OF THE PATIENT ON GEORGE'S CAR.</p>
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<p>GEORGE</p>
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<p>My car! My car!</p>
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<p>GEORGE RACES OUT OF THE ROOM.</p>
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<p>CUT TO:</p>
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<p>(Jerry George, Elaine, Kramer)</p>
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<p>ACT ONE</p>
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<p>SCENE E</p>
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<p>INT JERRY'S APARTMENT DAY (2)</p>
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<p>JERRY, ELAINE AND KRAMER WHO SITS HIS FACE BURIED IN THE</p>
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<p>NEWSPAPER, IGNORING THE OTHERS.</p>
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<p>ELAINE</p>
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<p>A mohel! What the hell is a mohel?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>A mohel is the person who performs the circumcision.</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Where am I going to find a Mohel?</p>
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<p>(LOOKING THROUGH THE YELLOW PAGES, MUTTERING) How do you find a</p>
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<p>mohel? Motels, models..</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Oh, finding a Mohel is a piece of cake. Any idiot can find a</p>
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<p>Mohel. I have the tough job. I have to hold the baby while they</p>
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<p>do it. How would you like that job?</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Have you ever seen one?</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>You mean that wasn't -</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Yeah.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>No.. you?</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>Ya.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>What'd you think?</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>(SHAKES HER HEAD) No...</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Not good?</p>
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<p>Elaine</p>
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<p>No, had no face, no personality, very dull. It was like a</p>
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<p>martian. But hey, that's me.</p>
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<p>Jerry</p>
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<p>Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE ENTERS WITH ESTIMATE.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE</p>
|
|
<p>Well I just got the estimate. It's going to cost more to fix that</p>
|
|
<p>roof than the car's worth, So I'm gonna go see the hospital</p>
|
|
<p>administrator today. Someone's paying for that damage and it's</p>
|
|
<p>not gonna be me.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Ah, you're screwed.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>I know, swan dives from twenty floors, lands right on to it. What</p>
|
|
<p>do I have a bulls eye on there? He couldn't move over two feet?</p>
|
|
<p>Land on the sidewalk. That's city property.</p>
|
|
<p>What are the chances, what are the odds? He couldn't do it again</p>
|
|
<p>if his life depended on it...</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Well I have to interview a Mohel.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, poor Elaine. Look at her. Attended the finest finishing</p>
|
|
<p>schools on the Eastern seaboard. Equestrian competitions.</p>
|
|
<p>Debutante balls. Well, look at you now. Interviewing Mohels.</p>
|
|
<p>SUDDENLY, KRAMER ENTERS, HOLDING THE PAPER, EXPLODES WITH A SPASM</p>
|
|
<p>OF REVELATION.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY</p>
|
|
<p>What's the matter?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Are you alright?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Don't even question my instincts, because my instincts are honed.</p>
|
|
<p>(RE:PAPER) Look at that.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>What now?</p>
|
|
<p>HE SHOWS JERRY THE PAPER</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>"Hospital receives grant to conduct DNA research".."
|
|
Government</p>
|
|
<p>funds genetic research at area hospital" ... Yeah, so?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Pigman, baby. Pigman.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, if I hear about this pigman one more time...</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>I'm tellin ya the pigman is alive. The governments been</p>
|
|
<p>experimenting with pigmen since the fifties.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Will you stop it. Just because a hospital gets a grant to study</p>
|
|
<p>DNA doesn't mean they are creating a race of mutant pigmen.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Oh. Jerry wake up to reality. It's military thing. They're</p>
|
|
<p>probably creating a whole army of pig warriors.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>I wish there were pigmen. You get a few of these pigmen walking</p>
|
|
<p>around I'm looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to</p>
|
|
<p>fix me up at least they could say, "Hey he's no pig-man!"</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for the pig-men. No</p>
|
|
<p>matter what the deformity you'll find some group of perverts</p>
|
|
<p>attracted to it. "Oo that little tail turns me on."</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE GROANS AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>(MUMBLES) Alright, that's about enough</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, what's the matter you're not interested in this?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>No, it's fascinating, could you do me a favor, could you tape the</p>
|
|
<p>rest of the pigmen and the women who love them discussion and</p>
|
|
<p>I'll listen to it next time I'm here. I've got to find a Mohel.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You should call this off, Elaine. It's a barbaric ritual.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Perhaps one day when the pigmen roam free it will be stopped.</p>
|
|
<p>Until then, off with their heads.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE LEAVES.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE</p>
|
|
<p>But Kramer, isn't it a question of hygiene?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, that's a myth. Besides, you know, it makes sex more</p>
|
|
<p>pleasurable.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yeah. So how does that help me?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>(TO GEORGE) Hey George, have you ever seen one?</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yeah, my roommate in college.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>So what'd you think?</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>I got used to it.</p>
|
|
<p>DISSOLVE TO:</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ACT ONE</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>SCENE G</p>
|
|
<p>(JERRY, GEORGE, KRAMER)</p>
|
|
<p>INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR DAY 2</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY AND KRAMER ENTER. PEOPLE PASS IN HALLWAY.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Alright, I'm waiting. I want to see the pig-man. Show me the pig-</p>
|
|
<p>man.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna show him to you, and you'll never be</p>
|
|
<p>the same.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Maybe he's just a guy with a nose like this. You know a lot of</p>
|
|
<p>people have a nose like this, they're not necessarily pig-men.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Believe me, Jerry, somewhere in this hospital the anguished oink</p>
|
|
<p>of pigman cries for help.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>If I hear an anguished oink, I'm outta here.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>I can't let this go on.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Let me understand this. So if you find the pigman, your intention</p>
|
|
<p>is to ...emancipate him?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>That's right. (CALLING OUT)</p>
|
|
<p>Sue-wee!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer! well I don't see any pig-men. Look (HE POINTS AT</p>
|
|
<p>PASSERBY) Human, human, human...</p>
|
|
<p>HE LOOKS DOWN CORRIDOR, WITH ALARM.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>(WITH MOCK ALARM) Wait a minute!... Oh, that's George.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE APPROACHES.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE</p>
|
|
<p>Okay. The administrator's on the third floor. I'll meet you guys</p>
|
|
<p>by the car.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You got room for the pig-man?</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>The pig-man can take the bus.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You know, if pig-man had a car, he'd give you a ride.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>How do you know? What if Pigman had a two-seater?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Come on George, be realistic.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>All right, if pig-man comes along, we'll squeeze him in. I'll see</p>
|
|
<p>you later.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE EXITS.</p>
|
|
<p>CUT TO:</p>
|
|
<p>(George, Mrs. Sweedler)</p>
|
|
<p>ACT ONE</p>
|
|
<p>SCENE H</p>
|
|
<p>INT HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATION OFFICE - DAY 2</p>
|
|
<p>THE ADMINISTRATOR, MRS. SWEEDLER, USHERS GEORGE IN. THEY SIT ON</p>
|
|
<p>EITHER SIDE OF HER DESK.</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Costanza, come in, come in. It's been a very trying couple
|
|
of</p>
|
|
<p>days around the hospital. Patients, doctors, everyone, just grief</p>
|
|
<p>stricken over this unfortunate occurrence.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Well, I join them in their grief.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. Sweedler</p>
|
|
<p>Horrible, just a horrible thing. Flew right past the children's</p>
|
|
<p>wing. All the sick children, in the playroom, looking out the</p>
|
|
<p>window, just traumatize by the incident. Apparently, they all</p>
|
|
<p>thought he was flying. You know how children are, "Oh look.
|
|
A man</p>
|
|
<p>is flying. A man is flying" And then, splat...</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yes, splat. Exactly. Splat. That's where I come in. On splat. You</p>
|
|
<p>see, Mrs. Sweedler, or is it hospital administrator Sweedler?</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. Sweedler</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. Sweedler's fine.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>You see, that trudge affected me in a very, very personal way.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>How is that?</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yes, you see, the deceased landed on my car. The splat, as it</p>
|
|
<p>were, actually took place on the roof of my car. I can't help but</p>
|
|
<p>think that had it been a convertible this whole tragedy may have</p>
|
|
<p>been averted but I've never been the type to buy a convertible,</p>
|
|
<p>what with the baldness and all.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>Well I've known bald men who owned convertibles. They wore a hat.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Well then it's all pulled down. Anyway. The damage,</p>
|
|
<p>unfortunately, has marred an otherwise fine automobile, rendering</p>
|
|
<p>it virtually undriveable.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>(STIFFENING) Yes, well, that is a shame.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yes, a shame. That's just how I would describe it. Now, with all</p>
|
|
<p>due sensitivity and discretion, bearing in mind the scope of the</p>
|
|
<p>situation, I can't help but think the hospital bears some</p>
|
|
<p>responsibility to compensate the other, still living "victim",
|
|
of</p>
|
|
<p>this horrendous, horrendous tragedy.</p>
|
|
<p>SHE GLARES</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs.Sweedler</p>
|
|
<p>Mr.Constanza.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yes.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>A man plummeted tragically to his ultimate demise -</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yes.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>... and you greedily, callously try to profit from it.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>(PULLING OUT ESTIMATE OUT OF HIS POCKET)</p>
|
|
<p>Well, profit. I think you'll see from the estimates that I'm not</p>
|
|
<p>really profiting that much. They might be a little high, but..</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>(WITH ANGER) How dare you.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE</p>
|
|
<p>What?</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>Have you no decency? Have you no shame?</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Yes.. you know, depending.</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>Get out! Get out, now! get out of my office.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE PUTS HIS ESTIMATES ON THE DESK AND BEGINS TO EXIT.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE</p>
|
|
<p>Should I leave these with you?</p>
|
|
<p>Mrs. SWEEDLER</p>
|
|
<p>Get out!</p>
|
|
<p>HE EXITS.</p>
|
|
<p>CUT TO:</p>
|
|
<p>ACT ONE</p>
|
|
<p>SCENE J</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry, Kramer, resident)</p>
|
|
<p>INT HOSPITAL CORRIDOR DAY 2</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER AND JERRY FIND PIGMAN'S ROOM. BUT, IT'S EMPTY. KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>STOPS A YOUNG SMART ALECK RESIDENT. JERRY TRIES TO LOOK</p>
|
|
<p>INCONSPICUOUS.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Excuse me. What happened to the man, that was in this room</p>
|
|
<p>before?</p>
|
|
<p>Resident</p>
|
|
<p>I don't know what you're talking about.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You know. (HE PUSHES HIS NOSE UP WITH HIS THUMB).</p>
|
|
<p>Resident</p>
|
|
<p>No.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>(STILL HOLDING HIS NOSE UP ) This doesn't look familiar to you?</p>
|
|
<p>Resident</p>
|
|
<p>Sir?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Look, I know what's going on. Oink, oink.</p>
|
|
<p>Resident</p>
|
|
<p>I really have some patients I have to attend to.</p>
|
|
<p>HE TRIES TO MOVE ON. KRAMER GRABS HIM BY THE LAPELS AND BACKS HIM</p>
|
|
<p>AGAINST THE WALL. JERRY LOOKS THE OTHER WAY.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>(TOUGH TALKING) Look, you little quack, I know you had a half man</p>
|
|
<p>half pig holed up in that room, there. Now where is he?! Where
|
|
is</p>
|
|
<p>he?!</p>
|
|
<p>Resident</p>
|
|
<p>Half-what?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You know what - bacon, sausage, (A LA PORKY PIG) A-deek-a-deek-a-</p>
|
|
<p>deek th-th-th-that's all folks.</p>
|
|
<p>Resident</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, the pig-man. They moved him down the hall.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER RELEASES THE RESIDENT, WHO RUNS AWAY.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Alright Kramer, enough of this. Let's go find George.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You go ahead.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER WALKS OFF.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>BUT HE CONTINUES WALKING.</p>
|
|
<p>FADE OUT</p>
|
|
<p>END OF ACT ONE</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ACT TWO</p>
|
|
<p>SCENE K</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry, Elaine, George, Kramer, Stan, Myra, Mohel man, Woman,</p>
|
|
<p>(Steven))</p>
|
|
<p>INT FLICKS' DAY 3</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY ELAINE, KRAMER, THE FLICKS, AND ASSORTED GUESTS</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Where's the Mohel?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>He'll be here.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>He's late already.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Relax. You'd think you were getting whacked.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>How did I get to be Godfather? I don't even know him that well.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Just cause we're on the softball team and I'm the pitcher and</p>
|
|
<p>he's the catcher he thinks we have a relationship?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>I thought pitchers and catchers did have a special rapport.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Maybe in hardball it's more involved you know they have signals</p>
|
|
<p>and everything. I'm just lobbing it in. We don't have</p>
|
|
<p>conferences. He doesn't come out to the mound and encourage me.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>What about me? I watched a few games with her sitting in the</p>
|
|
<p>stands.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Don't they have any closer friends. They're level jumping on our</p>
|
|
<p>friendship.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>yes it is level jumping.</p>
|
|
<p>ANGLE ON: GEORGE TALKING TO WOMAN.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>So uh... ever been to a bris before?</p>
|
|
<p>Woman</p>
|
|
<p>No.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>If you fell little woozy, and it's quite common, just stay close</p>
|
|
<p>to me. I'll get you through it.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman</p>
|
|
<p>I'm a cardiologist. I think I can manage.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Oh.</p>
|
|
<p>ANGLE ON: KRAMER AND MYRA. SHE IS SOBBING.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Don't believe them when they tell you it doesn't hurt. It hurts</p>
|
|
<p>bad. It hurts really bad. Imagine, this will be his first memory.</p>
|
|
<p>Of someone yanking the hat off his little man. I know you love</p>
|
|
<p>your baby, but what kind of perverts would stand idly by while
|
|
a</p>
|
|
<p>stranger rips the cover off his 9-iron and then serve a catered</p>
|
|
<p>lunch?</p>
|
|
<p>MYRA RUNS AWAY, SOBBING</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER (cont'd)</p>
|
|
<p>She'll be okay.</p>
|
|
<p>HE SLINKS AWAY. ELAINE ANGRILY CONFRONTS KRAMER.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>What's wrong with you?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Me? What's wrong with you?! How can you let this go on?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Hey have you ever seen one of those?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>No.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Well I have and believe me it's no picnic.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, how bad could it be?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>(TO GATHERING) Alright. Has anybody here ever seen one?</p>
|
|
<p>Man</p>
|
|
<p>One what?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>... you know</p>
|
|
<p>Man</p>
|
|
<p>I have.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman</p>
|
|
<p>I have.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>And?</p>
|
|
<p>All</p>
|
|
<p>(SHAKE THEIR HEADS) No...</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>I got used to it.</p>
|
|
<p>SFX: DOORBELL.</p>
|
|
<p>RELIEVED< EVERYONE RUNS TO THE DOOR.</p>
|
|
<p>ALL (CONT'd)</p>
|
|
<p>(ADLIB) It's the mohel! the mohel is here! Thank God, the mohel</p>
|
|
<p>is here.</p>
|
|
<p>THEY OPEN THE DOOR. THE MOHEL STANDS IN THE DOORWAY WITH BAG.</p>
|
|
<p>EVERYONE CALMS DOWN IN HIS BEATIFIC PRESENCE AS HE ENTER. HE NODS</p>
|
|
<p>IN GREETING AS HE WALKS THRU THE ASSEMBLED GUESTS.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>Hello, hello, I'm the mohel. It's very nice to meet you all...</p>
|
|
<p>A PAN CLANGS TO THE GROUND. THE MOHEL SNAPS.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>Oh! What was that?!? Jeez. Scared the hell out of me. My god. I</p>
|
|
<p>almost had a heart attack!</p>
|
|
<p>THE CROWD GROWS UNEASY.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>(CALMING DOWN) Alright I'm fine, I'm fine. Anyway, we're here to</p>
|
|
<p>perform the mitzvah of the bris and...</p>
|
|
<p>SFX: BABY CRYING</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>(WITH INCREASING TENSION) ...Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is</p>
|
|
<p>that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry,</p>
|
|
<p>'cause that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your</p>
|
|
<p>child 'cause this is the time to exercise it when baby is crying</p>
|
|
<p>in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you</p>
|
|
<p>insane?!!!</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. FLICK TAKES THE BABY INT OTHER ROOM. THE MOHEL MASSAGES HIS</p>
|
|
<p>FOREHEAD.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>Did you find the place alright?</p>
|
|
<p>Mohel</p>
|
|
<p>Did I find it alright? I mean could you send me to a more</p>
|
|
<p>dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway,</p>
|
|
<p>someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag,</p>
|
|
<p>'accuse I'll be lying there on the street in this neighborhood</p>
|
|
<p>and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll lie in the</p>
|
|
<p>gutter like a bum, like a dog, like a mutt, like an animal! God</p>
|
|
<p>forbid someone should help me or call an ambulance. No, that's</p>
|
|
<p>too much trouble to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ahh!</p>
|
|
<p>What's the point.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Do you feel alright?</p>
|
|
<p>Mohel</p>
|
|
<p>(TO ELAINE< INTERRUPTING) Darling, you see where that glass
|
|
is?</p>
|
|
<p>How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole</p>
|
|
<p>table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge,
|
|
so</p>
|
|
<p>half the glass is hanging off the table, you breath and that</p>
|
|
<p>glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the</p>
|
|
<p>carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag,</p>
|
|
<p>broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out. you</p>
|
|
<p>can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and</p>
|
|
<p>knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces, and</p>
|
|
<p>then you think you got it all and two years later, you're walkin'</p>
|
|
<p>barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you kill</p>
|
|
<p>yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is</p>
|
|
<p>it? .. Do you?</p>
|
|
<p>THE MOHEL BEGINS TWITCHING. ANGLE ON: ELAINE AND MYRA.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>(TO MYRA; ON THE 'QT') He's very highly recommended.</p>
|
|
<p>ANGLE ON: JERRY AND KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>(TO JERRY; ON THE 'QT') The mohel is twitching.</p>
|
|
<p>Mohel</p>
|
|
<p>Who's holding the baby? Hello! Who is holding the baby?!?</p>
|
|
<p>NO RESPONSE.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (cont;d)</p>
|
|
<p>(WITH ACCOMPANYING 'MOCK' SIGN LANGUAGE) Who is holding the baby?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry is.. (TO JERRY) Jerry!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>(UNCERTAIN) Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry go over there.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>All right.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Go.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>I'm going.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>C'mon</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Don't push me.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>Okay. you sit here. Bring out the baby. Bring out the baby. I</p>
|
|
<p>need the baby!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER DASHES INTO THE BEDROOM AND RELUCTANTLY BRINGS OUT THE</p>
|
|
<p>BABY. BEFORE HE HANDS IT OVER, HE HAS SECOND THOUGHTS. HE GRIPS</p>
|
|
<p>THE BABY TIGHTLY. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>I can't let you do this.</p>
|
|
<p>(AD-LIB Kramer!</p>
|
|
<p>EVERYONE MOVES TOWARD HIM.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER.</p>
|
|
<p>I can't let you do this!</p>
|
|
<p>PEOPLE GRAB HIM, TRYING TO PRY THE BABY AWAY FROM HIM. THERE IS
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>A STRUGGLE.</p>
|
|
<p>ALL</p>
|
|
<p>(AD LIB) Let go of the baby! Kramer!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>No! No! I won't!</p>
|
|
<p>THEY FINALLY YANK THE BABY AWAY FROM THE DISTRAUGHT KRAMER.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>People compose yourselves. (SHOUTING AS STRUGGLE CONTINUES) This</p>
|
|
<p>is a bris. We are performing a bris here, not a burlesque show.</p>
|
|
<p>This is not a school play! This is not a baggy pants farce! This</p>
|
|
<p>is a bris. An ancient, sacred ceremony, symbolizing the covenant</p>
|
|
<p>between God and Abraham... or something.</p>
|
|
<p>THE MOHEL OPENS HIS BAG AND HIS INSTRUMENTS FALL OUT.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>Damn.</p>
|
|
<p>PEOPLE REACH IN TO HELP.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>No! Don't touch anything! Don't touch a thing! Away!</p>
|
|
<p>(MUTTERING).. I coulda been a kosher butcher like my brother. The</p>
|
|
<p>money's good. There's a union, with benefits. And, cows have no</p>
|
|
<p>families. You make a mistake with a cow, you move on with your</p>
|
|
<p>life... Anyway.</p>
|
|
<p>HE HOLDS UP THE 'INSTRUMENT'. HE TWITCHES. HIS HAND TREMBLES. WE</p>
|
|
<p>PAN THE EXTREMELY ANXIOUS CROWD. WE ANGLE ON A VERY BUG-EYED,</p>
|
|
<p>NERVOUS JERRY AS THE MOHEL RAISES THE INSTRUMENT.</p>
|
|
<p>ANGLE BACK ON: MOHEL, AS HE BRINGS THE INSTRUMENT DOWN.</p>
|
|
<p>SFX: CROWD SCREAMING.</p>
|
|
<p>CUT TO:</p>
|
|
<p>ACT TWO</p>
|
|
<p>SCENE L</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer)</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>INT GEORGE'S CAR - DAY 3</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Hurry up George! Step on it!</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Alright, alright!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>That damn Mohel - he circumcised my finger! The mohel circumcised</p>
|
|
<p>my finger!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>You flinched.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Flinched? I did not flinch. George, did I flinch?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE</p>
|
|
<p>How should he know He blacked out. He fainted.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>It was very traumatic. But the last thing I remember is you</p>
|
|
<p>flinching. Then, everything went black.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Who's got a tissue? I need more tissues! Look at this thing. It's</p>
|
|
<p>my phone finger!</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Be careful, you're bleeding all over the car.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>What about the baby?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>The baby's fine. They're just taking him to the hospital as a</p>
|
|
<p>precautionary measure. I'm the one who's hurt. Look at me.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Will you stop it? You'll just need a few stitches.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Stitches? I've never had stitched. I'll be deformed. I can't live</p>
|
|
<p>with that. It goes against my whole personality. It's not me!</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Hey look a this - boy are you lucky - another spot - right in</p>
|
|
<p>front of the hospital. In an emergency yet! How lucky is that?
|
|
Is</p>
|
|
<p>that unbelievable? How unbelievable is that?</p>
|
|
<p>Cut to:</p>
|
|
<p>ACT two</p>
|
|
<p>Scene</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer, Myra, (Pigman), (Male Nurse)</p>
|
|
<p>(guards))</p>
|
|
<p>Int Hospital Day 3</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY, ELAINE, GEORGE, AND KRAMER WALKING DOWN THE CORRIDOR.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>I'm getting faint. I'm losing consciousness.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>You'll be okay. I'll see you later.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER EXITS</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>Where's he going?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE LIFTS NOSE UP WITH HER THUMB.</p>
|
|
<p>George (con'td)</p>
|
|
<p>I'm gonna look for a bathroom.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL ENTERS.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Well if it isn't Shakey the Mohel! You did a hell of a</p>
|
|
<p>circumcision there pal. But it's not supposed to be a finger. </p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>(RE:JERRY) It was your fault! You flinched!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Who made you a mohel? Whadya, get your degree from a matchbook?</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>(HE MAKES A SUDDEN MOVEMENT) See! See! He flinched again!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Good mohel picking, Elaine. You picked a helluva mohel.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>One more peep out of you and I'll slice you up like a smoked</p>
|
|
<p>sturgeon.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Don't threaten me, Butcher Boy.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>Butcher Boy?!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>What was this? (HE IMITATES MOHEL'S FLINCHING) What was this?</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>What was this? (HE IMITATES JERRY)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY AND MOHEL GET INTO A STRUGGLE.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL (cont;d)</p>
|
|
<p>It was your fault!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>It was not!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry, be careful. The Mohel's got a knife!</p>
|
|
<p>THE FLICKS ENTER.</p>
|
|
<p>STAN</p>
|
|
<p>Hey, hey stop it, stop it! What's going on here?</p>
|
|
<p>STAN AND ELAINE AD-LIB DURING BREAK-UP OF FIGHT.</p>
|
|
<p>STAN (cont'd)</p>
|
|
<p>You two should be ashamed of yourselves.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>Ah, blood.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>How's the baby?</p>
|
|
<p>STAN</p>
|
|
<p>The baby's fine. There's nothing wrong with the baby.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>Thank god the flincher didn't harm the baby.</p>
|
|
<p>ALL</p>
|
|
<p>(AD LIB) Amen.</p>
|
|
<p>THE MOHEL LEANS INTO JERRY AND WHISPERS.</p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL</p>
|
|
<p>I will get you for this. This is my business, this is my life.
|
|
No</p>
|
|
<p>one ruins this for me. No on! (TO ELAINE) Here's my card.</p>
|
|
<p>THE MOHEL BEGINS TO EXIT. SUDDENLY KRAMER COMES DASHING DOWN THE</p>
|
|
<p>HALLWAY. HE IS CARRYING THE PIG MAN ON HIS BACK. THE MALE NURSE</p>
|
|
<p>AND SECURITY GUARDS ARE IN HOT PURSUIT. THEY KNOCK OVER THE </p>
|
|
<p>MOHEL. THEY ALL EXIT.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY AND ELAINE LOOK AT GEORGE.</p>
|
|
<p>DISSOLVE TO:</p>
|
|
<p>ACT TWO</p>
|
|
<p>SCENE N</p>
|
|
<p>INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY (4)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY IS TRYING TO OPEN A BOTTLE WITH BANDAGED FINGER,</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY</p>
|
|
<p>I can't do this. (A LA GODFATHER) Look what they did to my boy,</p>
|
|
<p>They massacred my boy.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>You really do the worst Godfather I ever heard. You're not even</p>
|
|
<p>close.</p>
|
|
<p>SFX:BUZZER</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>It's the Flicks.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>(ON PHONE) It's a '76 Chevy Impala. It was stolen right in front</p>
|
|
<p>of the hospital. Yeah, I saw him take off in it. He's about five</p>
|
|
<p>feet, hairless, pink complexion.. well. he looks like a pig.</p>
|
|
<p>Yeah, okay, thanks a lot.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER ENTERS.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>So any word? Did you hear from the "pigman?"</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>No.</p>
|
|
<p>George</p>
|
|
<p>And he's not a pigman is he?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>NO, he's not.. .He's just a fat little mental patient.</p>
|
|
<p>THE FLICKS ENTER</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>Hi STAN, hi Myra.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE GOES TO ADMIRE BABY. MYRA PULLS HIM AWAY.</p>
|
|
<p>MYRA </p>
|
|
<p>Don't touch him</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>What's wrong?</p>
|
|
<p>STAN</p>
|
|
<p>You're out, Jerry. You're out as Godfather. You too, Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p>You're both out.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine</p>
|
|
<p>But-</p>
|
|
<p>STAN</p>
|
|
<p>We want Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER</p>
|
|
<p>(A LA GODFATHER) I'd be honored.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER, STAND AND MYRA START TO EXIT</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>But I'm the pitcher. You're the catcher. We have a special</p>
|
|
<p>relationship.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER AND FLICKS EXIT, THEY CLOSE THE DOOR, BUT LEAVE IT</p>
|
|
<p>SLIGHTLY AJAR, AS THEY STAND IN THE HALLWAY. THE FLICKS EMBRACING</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER, JERRY , ELAINE AND GEORGE WATCH IN DISBELIEF THROUGH THE</p>
|
|
<p>CRACK IN THE DOOR.</p>
|
|
<p>STAN (CONT'D)</p>
|
|
<p>Godfather.</p>
|
|
<p>MYRA</p>
|
|
<p>Godfather.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER LOOKS INTO APARTMENT AT INCREDULOUS JERRY ELAINE AND</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE, THEN CLOSES THE DOOR. WE HEAR THE GODFATHER THEME.</p>
|
|
<p>FADE OUT</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>END OF ACT TWO</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|