1480 lines
53 KiB
HTML
1480 lines
53 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Cadillac (1)</h1>
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Transcribed by Mark Brockbank, Barrow-in-Furness <br>
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<br>
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Episode Number: 124<br>
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Original Air Date: February 08, 1996<br>
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<br>
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Written by: Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld<br>
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Directed by: Andy Ackerman<br>
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<br>
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Recurring Cast:<br>
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Liz Sheridan (Helen Seinfeld)<br>
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Barney Martin (Morty Seinfeld)<br>
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Sandy Baron (Jack Klompus)<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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|
Guest Cast:<br>
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Marisa Tomei (Herself)<br>
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Ann Guilbert (Evelyn)<br>
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Walter Olkewicz (Nick (Cable Guy))<br>
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Annabelle Gurwitch (Katy)<br>
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Bill Macy (Herb)<br>
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Jesse White (Ralph)<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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Jerry enters, carrying a couple of bags and his mail. No sooner has he
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put<br>
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his bags down than Kramer enters.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Hey! You're back!<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Oh, I'm back, baby.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Yeah, how was it?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Great. One of the best jobs I ever had.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Good for you.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: I killed.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: You killed.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: (taking off his jacket) Slaughtered. Wiped the floor with 'em and<br>
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(hanging up jacket) not only that, the money was unbelievable.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Unbelievable.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Yeah. Highest paying job I ever had.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: How much?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: (reluctant) Nah, nah. I'd rather...<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Aw, c'mon.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Nah. It's not good for friends to talk about money, it can affect
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the<br>
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friendship.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: I tell you how much I make.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: And I'm always impressed.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Just show me the cheque, c'mon.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Awright, fine. You wanna see it?<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: I wanna see it.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Okay.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry gets out his wallet, extracts a cheque from within it and hands
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it to<br>
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Kramer.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: Here, check that out.<br>
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<br>
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|
Kramer reads the cheque, and a look of astonishment comes to his face.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: (stunned) Whuf! This is unbelievable.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: I told you.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer has to sit on the couch, he's so shocked.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: My god, you're rich.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: (taking back the check) Oh yeah.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: I didn't know you made that kinda money. (subdued) Jeez.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: What?<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: I don't think I can talk to you any more. I feel inferior.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: I never shoulda told you.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: You know, Jerry, I think this changes the relationship. I mean,
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I<br>
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feel it. Do you feel it?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: No, I can't feel anything.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Well, what're you gonna do with all that money?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Actually, I was thinking of donating a large portion of it to<br>
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charity.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: (pleased) Really?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: (deadpan) No.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: Well, you should, Jerry.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: No, to tell you the truth, I was thinking of buying my father a
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new<br>
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car.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: Now, you see, that's nice.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Maybe a Cadillac.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: (smiles) Cadillac. Ooh-la-la.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: Yeah. (thinking) That would really blow his mind. He's always wanted<br>
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|
one, his whole life, he's never been able to afford it. (decisive) I'm
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|
gonna<br>
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|
do it.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: You're gonna score some big points with the man upstairs on this<br>
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|
one.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: Oh, isn't that what it's all about?<br>
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<br>
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|
Kramer and Jerry smile in agreement.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
<br>
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|
[Monk's]<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Elaine sits in a booth, across from her friend Katy.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: Who was Pippi Longstocking?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KATY: Pippi Longstocking? (thoughtful) Hmm, I don't don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Did she have anything to do with Hitler?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: Hitler? (thinks) Maybe.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
George enters and walks over to the booth. He's looking impatient.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Hey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hey George.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: Have you seen Jerry? (sitting beside Elaine) I told him two o'clock.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
George twists round, so he can watch the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (indicating) You remember Katy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (distracted) Mm? (acknowledges Katy) Oh, hi. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.<br>
|
|
We met uh, skiing that time. You're uh, married to the eye guy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: Also ear, nose and throat.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Nose. (chuckles) What's the worst that can happen to a nose? What<br>
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|
does it get? Stuffed? (chuckles)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: (amused) He's funny.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ah, you don't have to tell me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Ahh, ladies, please, please. (chuckles)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh, you know what? He got engaged.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
KATY: Oh, you did? (disappointed) Oh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What? Is that bad?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: I actually would've set you up with a friend of mine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh-ho, yeah?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: You'd be perfect for her. She loves quirky, funny guys.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (curious) Bald? Uh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: Loves bald.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Loves bald? (laughs) Wow. Who uh, who is she?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KATY: Marisa Tomei.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: (taken aback) The actress?<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
KATY: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You're friends with Marisa Tomei?<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
KATY: That's right.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: (getting excited) That's, that's incredible. My Cousin Vinnie,
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|
I<br>
|
|
love her, she was fantastic!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KATY: Yeah, I know.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (more excitement) You were gonna fix me up with her?<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KATY: Yeah, she's just been sitting home.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (fever pitch) Marisa Tomei's sitting home, Elaine! Wh..why didn't<br>
|
|
you tell me that Katy was friends with Marisa Tomei?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (deadpan) Oh, I don't know what I was thinking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry is talking on the phone as George enters and hangs up his coat.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I want this baby fully loaded. (listens) Well, how soon can you
|
|
get<br>
|
|
it there? (listens) Oh, that's terrific. (listens) Okay, thanks, bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry hangs up and turns to George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey, guess what. I just bought my father a Cadillac<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Really? Wow, you're quite the good son.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, I'm a very good boy. I'm flying down there and surprising
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|
him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry walks to the kitchen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You gonna sleep on the fold-out?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (joyless) Yeah, yes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry opens the fridge door and gets out a piece of pie on a plate.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Uh, let me ask you something. You uh, you ever hear of Marisa
|
|
Tomei?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: The actress?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah. She's uh, she's something, isn't she?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well, you know Katy, Elaine's friend?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: She happens to be very good friends with her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Marisa Tomei?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Uh-hmm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: How does she know Marisa Tomei?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I don't know, I didn't ask.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You didn't ask how she knows Marisa Tomei?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Not the point!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Can I finish?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Go ahead. Seems like a reasonable question, is all I'm saying.
|
|
I<br>
|
|
would've asked her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry opens the freezer compartment and gets out a tub of ice cream.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Alright! So, she said, that she could've fixed me up with her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What d'you mean, could've?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well, you know, if I uh, wasn't engaged.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ohh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Coulda fixed me up with Marisa Tomei. She said I was just her
|
|
type!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry puts a scoop of ice cream on the pie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (getting animated) Yeah. Yeah. You know the odds of me being<br>
|
|
anyone's type?! I have never been anyone's type, but apparently, this
|
|
Marisa<br>
|
|
Tomei loves funny, quirky, bald men.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You know, she won an academy award?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (sarcasm) Hu-hu, like I don't know that? (excitement) My Cousin<br>
|
|
Vinnie, I love that! I, George Costanza, could be on a date with an Oscar<br>
|
|
winner! An Oscar winner, Jerry! You know what that's like? It's like if<br>
|
|
fifty years ago, someone fixed me up with Katherine Hepburn? Same thing!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Now there's a match. You and Katherine Hepburn.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I mean, you've seen her, right?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Katherine Hepburn? Oh yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (shout) Marisa Tomei!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I mean, she's beautiful, right? She's just my type. The dark hair,<br>
|
|
the full lips.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George wanders to the couch, Jerry following with his plate of pie and
|
|
ice<br>
|
|
cream.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You like full lips.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh, I love full lips. Something you can really put the lipstick
|
|
on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The two sit on the couch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Mmm-mmm. Too bad you're engaged.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry takes a mouthful of pie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (downcast) Yeah, too bad. Too bad.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There is a knock at the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (about the pie) This is no good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry puts down the plate, gets up and opens the door, to reveal a guy
|
|
in a<br>
|
|
Plaza Cable cap.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: Hi, uh, excuse me. I'm uh, I'm with Plaza Cable. I'm sorry to bother<br>
|
|
you. I...I'm looking for the guy who lives over here. Been waiting about
|
|
uh,<br>
|
|
heh, two hours. You uh, happen to know where he is?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: If you see him, Could you just tell him the cable company was here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Sure.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: Thanks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The guy leaves. Jerry closes the door and returns to the couch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (about the cable guy) Nice people.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry sits beside George again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Listen, lemme ask you a question. What if I got a cup of coffee
|
|
with<br>
|
|
her?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, what about Susan?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (worked up) I can't have a cup of coffee with a person?! I'm not<br>
|
|
allowed to have coffee?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Would you tell Susan about it?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (frustrated) Not necessarily.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, if you can't tell Susan about it, then there's something
|
|
wrong.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (shouts) Of course there's something wrong! (points at Jerry)
|
|
We had<br>
|
|
a pact!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry heads for the fridge, just as Kramer enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hey, cable guy's looking for you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, yeah?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh. Yeah, I been getting HBO and Showtime for free. See, they
|
|
just<br>
|
|
found out about it, so now they wanna come and take it out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, said he was waiting about two hours. Seemed a little put
|
|
out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, was he? Was he? I guess the cable man doesn't like to be kept<br>
|
|
waiting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You don't seem too bothered by it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: You remember what they did to me ten years ago? "Oh, we'll
|
|
be there<br>
|
|
in the morning between nine and one", or "We'll be there between
|
|
two and<br>
|
|
six"! (quiet anger) And I sat there, hour after hour, without so
|
|
much as a<br>
|
|
phone call. Finally, they show up, no apology, tracking mud all over my
|
|
nice<br>
|
|
clean floors. (malice) Now, they want me to accommodate them. Well, looks<br>
|
|
like the shoe's on the other foot, doesn't it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Boy, I've never seen you like this.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, you don't wanna get on my bad side.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George sits on his couch, watching My Cousin Vinnie on video. Onscreen,<br>
|
|
Marisa Tomei, is in court, explaining transmission systems.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MARISA: ...positrack, which was not available on the sixty-four Buick<br>
|
|
Skylark.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan enters<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN: Hey. (glances at TV) Hey what're you watching? What is that? My<br>
|
|
Cousin Vinnie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan stands behind George as she speaks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN: I thought you saw that before. How come you're watching that again?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I..I..I dunno.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN: Did you know Marisa Tomei won an Oscar for that? Boy, she's<br>
|
|
beautiful, don't you think? I wish I looked like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George daren't say anything, but from his expression it's clear he wishes<br>
|
|
Susan looked like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN: Turn it off. You're making me jealous. I'm gonna think you like
|
|
her<br>
|
|
more than you like me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan leaves to the bedroom.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (forcing a laugh) Hu, ha.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
When Susan has gone, George picks up the phone and dials, keeping an eye<br>
|
|
open in case Susan returns.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George's Apartment/Elaine's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE (O.C.): Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (whispering) Elaine, it's me, George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine is sitting up in bed, reading a newspaper as she speaks to George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: George. How come you're whispering?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (still quiet) Never mind, never mind. I need you to do me a favour.<br>
|
|
Uhm, remember what we were talking about at the coffee shop earlier?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (still quiet) Think, a second. You know, your friend was talking<br>
|
|
about me and, you know...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ech, George, I have no idea what you're talking about.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (still quiet) The actress.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (shouts) Marisa Tomei!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan hears from the bedroom.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN (O.C.): What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (calling to Susan) Uh, ah, nothing. Nothing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh, yeah. Yeah, what about her?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well, uhm, I think I'd like to do it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What? (shocked) What?! George, no way. You're engaged!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: A cup of coffee. That, that doesn't mean anything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Uhh. No George!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Forget it!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine hangs up her phone in disgust.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Elaine! (shouts) ELAINE!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan walks back in on George at this point. George quickly slips the
|
|
phone<br>
|
|
under a cushion to conceal it, and goes back to watching My Cousin Vinnie,<br>
|
|
to provide an excuse for his raised voice.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: D'oh...Oh, oh, the judge! I hate this guy!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan looks at him oddly.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry is packing some gear into a bag, while Elaine watches and Kramer
|
|
peers<br>
|
|
out into the hall through Jerry's peephole.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I can't believe you're buying your father a car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: And, best of all, it's a Cadillac.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (sharp intake of breath) Hoh. A Cadillac! (impressed) Wow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine seems to become a lot more interested in Jerry. She moves over
|
|
to the<br>
|
|
table where Jerry's packing, and turns the 'flirt' knob to the 'on'<br>
|
|
position.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I had no idea you had this kind of money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ahh, I uh, I don't like to talk about it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah, I thought you were doing okay. I just didn't think you were
|
|
in<br>
|
|
this kind of, you know, uh... position.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ah, it's just money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (smiling) So, when're you getting back from Florida?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, I don't know, play it by ear. Why?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I don't know. (big smile) Just, things seem a little more exciting<br>
|
|
when you're around. That's all.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Are you okay?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (squeaky) Sure, sure.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What was that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer sees something through the peephole. He motions Jerry and Elaine
|
|
to<br>
|
|
quieten down.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Quiet, quiet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment/Hall Outside Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Nick, the cable guy is standing by Kramer's door. George wanders up to<br>
|
|
Jerry's door and, as he gets there, is addressed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: Hey, uh, you know the guy who lives here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
George moves to open Jerry's door, but the cable guy is still talking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: (quietly angry) All morning I been waiting here. All morning.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peering through the peephole, Kramer makes a noise of excited satisfaction.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: (still angry) The guy says he's gonna be home. I show up and all
|
|
I do<br>
|
|
is wait. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of it. I'm not gonna put up
|
|
with<br>
|
|
it much longer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The cable guy stalks away. Inside Jerry's, Kramer turns to speak to Jerry<br>
|
|
and Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I'm loving this.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer lowers his eye to the peephole again, just as George opens the
|
|
door.<br>
|
|
The door cracks Kramer on the forehead with a thump. George enters. Kramer<br>
|
|
peers round George to check the cable guy's gone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Kramer, there's a guy out here that...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer exits and crosses the hall to his apartment. George closes the
|
|
door<br>
|
|
behind himself, and takes off his coat. He notices Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (pointedly to Elaine) Oh. Thanks very much for yesterday, by the<br>
|
|
way.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Jerry, he want me to fix him up with Marisa Tomei. I am not gonna
|
|
be<br>
|
|
a part of this!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (animated) Fixed up? A cup of coffee! A cup of coffee is not a
|
|
fix<br>
|
|
up!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You wanna meet her. You wanna see if she likes you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (defensive) So what? So what if I do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (shrill) You're engaged!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (worked up) I'm aware! I'm aware!! But this is Marisa Tomei, Elaine.<br>
|
|
An Oscar winner! How can I live the rest of my life, knowing I coulda
|
|
been<br>
|
|
with Marisa Tomei? She said I was just her type! She loves short, stocky,<br>
|
|
balding funny men!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I notice you threw 'stocky' in there.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah, what the hell?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: George! It's cheating.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (adamant) It's not cheating if there's no sex!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yes it is!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (frustrated) Ahh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (looking for support) Jerry!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry is standing by the kitchen counter. He has a stack of bank notes
|
|
and<br>
|
|
is counting them. Elaine is mesmerised by the sight of all that currency.<br>
|
|
She stands by the counter, her eyes locked onto the money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uhm, hold, hold on a second. (pauses counting) I'm, I'm sorry,
|
|
I<br>
|
|
didn't hear what you said.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine looks almost dizzy at the prospect of all that cash.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (pleading) Elaine, c'mon. Would you just make the call? (indicates<br>
|
|
the phone) Please, make the call.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (distractedly) Yeah, yeah, fine, I'll make...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine picks up the phone and dials a number.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (triumph) Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry resumes his counting, but has lost track of where he was up to.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
stands, holding one bill, trying to recall. Elaine has obviously been
|
|
paying<br>
|
|
more attention, even as she dialled the phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Eight-fifty.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine waits for the phone to be picked up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So uh, how are you getting to the airport? D'you need a ride,
|
|
or...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No, don't be silly, I've arranged a car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
As Jerry goes to leave the kitchen, Elaine is sure to keep in his path,<br>
|
|
smiling flirtatiously.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You sure? You sure? 'Cos, you know...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Maybe I'll let you pick me up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (big smile) Okay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry is finally allowed out of the kitchen by Elaine, and heads for the<br>
|
|
bedroom. The phone is picked up at the other end of Elaine's line. As
|
|
Elaine<br>
|
|
speaks, George stands beside her, doing a little selection of dances.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh, hi. Uhm, is Katy there? (listens) Wh...? Uhm, what? (listens)<br>
|
|
Oh, really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Something about the tone of her voice causes George to cease dancing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well, could you tell her Elaine called? Yeah, thanks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine turns to an expectant George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Huh, she's in the hospital. (concerned) She has an arrhythmia.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (impatient) What about Marisa Tomei?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty is eating a cookie at the kitchen table. Helen comes over and grabs<br>
|
|
the box he's eating from.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Morty, what d'you have to open this box for? (waving at another
|
|
box)<br>
|
|
There's already a box of cookies open.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I wanted a Chip Ahoy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I don't like all these open boxes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Helen puts both boxes of cookies away in a cupboard.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I'm having<br>
|
|
it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The door opens and Jerry enters, carrying his bags.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Surprise!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (shout) Jerry!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (shock) Oh, my god!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What the hell are you doing here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm a good son.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Just like that? No calls?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Just like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Boy, you are really something.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: To what do we owe this great honour?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You wanna know? Come on outside.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Outside? What's going on?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Whenever Jerry comes, something exciting happens.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Helen darts out of the door eagerly.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (laughs) Heh hah!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: C'mon, c'mon.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty follows Helen outside.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Outside Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Standing at the kerb is a brand new, silver, Cadillac, gleaming in the<br>
|
|
Floridian sunshine. Jerry leads Morty and Helen over to it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, what d'you think?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Look at this! Look at this! (excited) You bought a Cadillac?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I bought it for you. It's yours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty and Helen both look astonished.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You what? You bought me a Cadillac?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I bought you a Cadillac. (hands over the keys) Here you go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (sharply, to Jerry) Are you out of your mind?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (to Helen) You don't want it? Are you kidding?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: He's not buying us a Cadillac.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What are you, nuts?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: It's a very nice gesture Jerry, but take it back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Helen wrests the keys from Morty's grasp and hands them back to Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (to Jerry) Can you believe this?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I'm not letting him buy us a Cadillac. He hasn't got that kind
|
|
of<br>
|
|
money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: How d'you know?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Oh, get out of here Mister Big Shot.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Why can't I buy my father a car?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Your father doesn't need a car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Yes, I do!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty grabs the keys back from Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Oh, Morty.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: We're keeping it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Over my dead body.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Helen makes another grab for the keys, and she and Morty struggle for<br>
|
|
possession, watched by Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (under his breath) Well, this worked out just as I had hoped.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer sits on his couch reading a newspaper. Beside him, on a table,
|
|
are<br>
|
|
his phone and an answering machine. The phone rings, but Kramer doesn't<br>
|
|
answer, instead allowing the machine to pick up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MACHINE (KRAMER): Giddyup.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK (O.C.): Yeah, this is Nick Stevens, from Plaza Cable.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer smiles on hearing the voice.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK (O.C.): Well, I waited all morning again. You said you were gonna
|
|
be<br>
|
|
there from nine to one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer puts down his paper and stretches out on the couch to listen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK (O.C.): I was there. Where were you? You think I got nothing better
|
|
to<br>
|
|
do than stand outside all morning, waiting for you to show up?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer waves his fist, mocking the cable guy's anger. He laughs to himself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK (O.C.): You're not gonna get away with this!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Outside Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty is sitting in the Cadillac, with Jerry leaning on the door. They're<br>
|
|
going through the features of the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Hey Jerry, look at this. My seat's got a memory, in case somebody<br>
|
|
moves it. I could be in prison for five years. I come out, my seat goes<br>
|
|
right back to where I like it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: That's what I was thinking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jack Klompus approaches the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (pointing) Hello, Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hiya, Jack.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty gets out of the car, shuts the door and leans against it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (indicating) So, how d'you like this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Who's car?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: It's mine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Yours?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: That's right. My son bought it for me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: He what?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: My son bought me the car. It's a present.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (disbelief) You bought it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: That's right. I bought it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You ever see one so nice?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Some car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You wanna take a ride?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: No, thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: C'mon, take a ride.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I don't wanna take a ride.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Why not?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I don't feel like taking a ride. Do I have to take a ride?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: He doesn't wanna take a ride.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Uh huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (worked up) What d'you think? I've never ridden in a Cadillac before?<br>
|
|
Believe me, I've ridden in a Cadillac hundreds of times. Thousands.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (skeptical) Thousands?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: What? D'you think you're such a big shot now, because you got a<br>
|
|
Cadillac?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (dismissive) Ahh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (dismissive) Yaah!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jack angrily stalks away.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Could you believe that guy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Aahh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Hospital Room]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George sits, talking enthusiastically to someone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Anyway, I was thinking about what you said. About uh, me and Marisa.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The person he's talking to is Katy, who's unconscious, wearing an oxygen<br>
|
|
mask and has an intravenous drip in her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You know, about the uh, two of us getting together. And I know
|
|
that<br>
|
|
I said I was engaged, but (laughs) uh, you know, it's really just something<br>
|
|
you say. It's like, going steady. You know uh, going steady, engaged,
|
|
it's,<br>
|
|
it's all just stuff you say. (chuckles) Anyway, I was watching uh, My
|
|
Cousin<br>
|
|
Vinnie, on the uh, on the tape the other day, and I was thinking that
|
|
uh,<br>
|
|
you know, the two of us might take a meeting, as they say. (chuckles)
|
|
So,<br>
|
|
what d'you, what d'you think?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Katy is still unconscious.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (urgent) Move a pinkie, if it's yes. Can you move a pinkie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is reading a magazine on the couch. The phone rings and he answers<br>
|
|
it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Y'hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK (O.C.): (inexpertly disguising his voice) Hi, uh ah, Mister Kramer,
|
|
ah,<br>
|
|
this is McNab down at the phone company. We've got a report about some<br>
|
|
trouble on your line.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer smiles, as he recognises the voice.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hmm. Well, I haven't had any trouble.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK (O.C.): Uh, the thing is, we happen to have a man right in your<br>
|
|
neighbourhood.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer walks over to his window, and uses his fingers to open a couple
|
|
of<br>
|
|
blades on his blinds. Peering through, he can see a public phone box across<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
the street. Parked beside the box is a truck emblazoned with the Plaza
|
|
Cable<br>
|
|
insignia, and in the box is the familiar figure of Nick, the cable guy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (playing along) Ohh, is that right? Well, I have been having a<br>
|
|
little trouble with my call-waiting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: We can fix that. We can fix that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (sitting back on the couch) Oh, can you? That's funny, because,
|
|
as<br>
|
|
it happens, I don't have call-waiting. Seems to me that the phone company<br>
|
|
would know that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NICK: Oh, right. (laughing it off) I'm sorry, I was looking at the wrong<br>
|
|
work order.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah. Could you hold on for a second? I've got something on the<br>
|
|
stove.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer puts the phone down beside a radio and switches it on. It plays<br>
|
|
cheesy music into the phone. Kramer gets up and heads out the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Street]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Nick, the cable guy, stands in the phone box. He's listening to the cheesy<br>
|
|
music on the phone, and getting impatient. He glances at his watch.<br>
|
|
Suddenly, a car horn blares and a shout is heard.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey, McNab!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
THe cable guy turns, to see Kramer leaning out of the window of a cab
|
|
as it<br>
|
|
passes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Chunnel's on HBO tonight. Why don't you stop by?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer waves and smiles happily at the dumbstruck cable guy, as the cab<br>
|
|
accelerates away.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Tenant's Committee, Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Around a table sit a number of residents, including an unhappy looking
|
|
Jack<br>
|
|
Klompus. Morty is standing behind a lectern addressing the gathering.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
bangs a gavel to get their attention.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Alright. Next thing on the agenda, the restoration of the fence
|
|
at<br>
|
|
the Briarwood gate. At the present time, we are still accepting bids.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HERB: C'mon Morty, it's been broken for six months already. What the hell<br>
|
|
are you doing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Well, I, as your president, have to find the best price, and right<br>
|
|
now, I for one, do not think it's cost-feasible.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (half to himself) I'll bet you don't.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What was that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: C'mon Morty, the jig is up!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What're you talking about?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I'm sorry. I'm sitting here, the whole meeting, holding my tongue.<br>
|
|
I've known you a long time, Morty, but I cannot hold it in any longer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HERB: What's going on, Jack?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I'll tell you what's going on. Morty Seinfeld has been stealing
|
|
funds<br>
|
|
from the treasury.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Stealing?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RALPH: What proof do you have?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Proof? You want proof? He's driving around in a brand new Cadillac.<br>
|
|
Now what more proof do you want?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: My son bought me that car!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Your son?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Your son could never afford that car. We all saw his act, last year,<br>
|
|
at the playhouse. He's lucky he can pay his rent!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HERB: Jack's right! He stinks!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RALPH: It's his material.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I tell you, he bought it for me!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HERB: (bangs table with his fist) I move for a full investigation!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RALPH: I second.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty looks dumbstruck.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George sits on the couch, watching Only You on the video. Onscreen, the<br>
|
|
ever-lovely Marisa is delivering her lines.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MARISA: ...go introduce myself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan enters, with a bag of groceries.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN: Hey! What're you watching? (looks at TV) Only You? That's another<br>
|
|
Marisa Tomei movie, and you've seen that one too. (jokingly) What, d'you<br>
|
|
have a thing for her?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (laughing it off and trying too hard) Yeah, yeah. I have a thing
|
|
for<br>
|
|
Marisa Tomei. Like she would ever go out with a short, stocky, bald man.<br>
|
|
(forced laughter) Hu hu, ha ha. Like that's her type. Huh. She's an Oscar<br>
|
|
winner. (nervous laughter) He heh. Besides, I don't even know her. It's
|
|
not<br>
|
|
like anyone's trying to fix us up. Who, who would try and fix me up with<br>
|
|
Marisa Tomei?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SUSAN: What are you talking about?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan wanders away into the kitchen with the groceries, looking bemused
|
|
by<br>
|
|
George. George watches her go, staring at the kitchen door as he slips
|
|
off<br>
|
|
into a daydream.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George Dream Sequence]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George stares at the kitchen door, which glows with golden light. Then<br>
|
|
Marisa Tomei slinks out of the kitchen in a long black dress, and her
|
|
hair<br>
|
|
up. She comes and sits beside George on the couch, looking at him lovingly.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MARISA: Have I told you how much I love you today?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Not in the last fifteen minutes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MARISA: Well, I do love you very much.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: And I love you, Marisa.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MARISA: Well then, c'mon, get dressed. We're going to be late for the<br>
|
|
premiere.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George leans across and takes Marisa in his arms. They kiss and slowly<br>
|
|
recline onto the couch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Susan returns from the kitchen, to find George kissing, and slowly reclining<br>
|
|
onto the couch with, a cushion. George runs a hand across his head, in
|
|
the<br>
|
|
fashion of a loving Marisa's caress. Then he raises his head from the<br>
|
|
cushion to see Susan observing him. She turns and goes back into the<br>
|
|
kitchen, wordlessly. George puts the cushion on the arm of the couch and<br>
|
|
lies down.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry sits on the couch and Helen is in the kitchen, as an anxious Morty<br>
|
|
delivers his news.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Impeachment?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: That's right. Have you ever heard of anything like that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Can they do that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: If they get the votes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I told you we shouldn't have let him give us the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Didn't you tell 'em I got the bill of sale? That proves I paid
|
|
for<br>
|
|
it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: It doesn't make a difference. They think we're in cahoots.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You know, you could put a fence around these condos, and call it
|
|
an<br>
|
|
insane asylum. Nobody would know the difference!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: No-one's ever been impeached before. I couldn't live here. We'd
|
|
have<br>
|
|
to move to Boca.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There's a knock at the door, and then it is opened and Evelyn walks in.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd06 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, hi Evelyn.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty sits by the table.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Hello, Jerry. (to the senior Seinfelds) I just got off the phone<br>
|
|
with Saul Brandus.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: What'd he say?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: He's voting to impeach.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty thumps the table with his fist.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Not because he think you stole the money, but mainly because you<br>
|
|
never thanked him for giving you his aisle seat at Freddy Roman's show.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I did so thank him!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (admonishing) No, he never heard you. (prods Morty's back) I told
|
|
you<br>
|
|
he didn't hear you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Ah, he's deaf anyway.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Now, my sources tell me, there's three votes for impeachment,
|
|
three<br>
|
|
votes against impeachment, and one undecided.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Who's that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Mrs Choate.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Who's she?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Oh, that one. She's been a member of the board longer than anybody.<br>
|
|
She's very tough to deal with.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Maybe we should have her over for coffee, and explain our side
|
|
of it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: That's a good idea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Okay. I'll see you at the Lichtenberg's, tonight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: (surprise) The Lichtenberg's?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Yes, they're having a party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: We weren't invited.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EVELYN: Oh. Probably they think you're too good for them. You know, because<br>
|
|
of the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry puts his face in his hands.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[END]</p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p
|
|
align="center"> </p>
|
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<p>
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|
|
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
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<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
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<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<div>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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</div>
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</form>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p> </p>
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</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|