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<h1>The Cadillac (2)</h1>
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<br>
Episode Number: 125<br>
Original Air Date: February 08, 1996<br>
<br>
Written by: Larry David &amp; Jerry Seinfeld<br>
Directed by: Andy Ackerman<br>
<br>
Recurring Cast:<br>
Liz Sheridan (Helen Seinfeld)<br>
Barney Martin (Morty Seinfeld)<br>
Sandy Baron (Jack Klompus)<br>
<br>
Guest Cast:<br>
Marisa Tomei (Herself)<br>
Walter Olkewicz (Nick (Cable Guy))<br>
Ann Guilbert (Evelyn)<br>
Frances Bay (Mabel Choate)<br>
Bill Macy (Herb)<br>
Jesse White (Ralph)<br>
Annie Korzen (Doris Klompus)<br>
Daniel Zacapa (Power Guy (John))<br>
Golde Starger (Bldg &quot;A&quot;)<br>
Janice Davis (Bldg &quot;B&quot;)<br>
Art Frankle (Bldg &quot;C&quot;)<br>
<br>
<br>
[Montage]<br>
<br>
JERRY (V.O.): Last week, on Seinfeld.<br>
<br>
A selection of scenes from The Cadillac (1) establish the story so far.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
<br>
Jerry is trying, unsuccessfully, to sleep on the infamous fold-out. He
twists<br>
and turns, but can't find a comfortable position.<br>
<br>
JERRY (V.O.): Ow. Stupid fold-out! Why'd they put the bar in the middle
of the<br>
bed?<br>
<br>
Jerry continues to thrash about in discomfort. The phone rings and Jerry
picks<br>
it up.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Hello?<br>
<br>
On the other end of the line is Elaine, in bed back in New York.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (flirtatious) Hi Jerry.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Elaine? Wh..what's going on?<br>
<br>
Elaine rests on one elbow, playing with her hair as she chats playfully
with<br>
Jerry.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (clears throat) I was thinking, I mean, I'm not really doing that
much<br>
this weekend, and I thought, well, huh, what the hell, maybe I'll come
down<br>
there and hang out a little.<br>
<br>
JERRY: (a little confused) You wanna hang out here, at phase two of the
Pines of<br>
Mar Gables?<br>
<br>
Elaine gives a slightly overdone girly giggle-laugh at Jerry's comment.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Well, it's just two hours by plane...<br>
<br>
JERRY: Gee, I dunno what to tell you.<br>
<br>
There is a beep from Elaine's phone.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Dammit! I got another call. Uh, hang on, don't hang up Jerry.<br>
<br>
Elaine hits a button on her phone to take the other call.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Yeah?<br>
<br>
The other call is George. He sits on his couch in his dressing gown.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (urgent whisper) Elaine! You have got to get me Marisa Tomei's
phone<br>
number!<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (impatient) Okay, George, I am on the other line. I promise you,
I'll<br>
get you her number.<br>
<br>
George punches the air in triumph, and sits back on the couch.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Yeahhh.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Goodbye.<br>
<br>
Elaine hits the button on her phone again, to reconnect with Jerry.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (smiling and flirty) Hi.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Hi.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: So, what d'you think?<br>
<br>
JERRY: Uh, I don't think so.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (disappointed) Oh.<br>
<br>
JERRY: I'll be back on Monday.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Well, if you need that ride, just uhm, gimme a call. (little laugh)
Heh.<br>
I can meet you at the gate, Jer.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Alright, I'll see you.<br>
<br>
Jerry is moving to put down the phone when Elaine speaks.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (urgent) Jerry? Jerry?<br>
<br>
JERRY: (putting the phone back to his ear) Yeah.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (breathy) Bye.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Bye.<br>
<br>
Jerry puts down the phone, still a little bemused by Elaine.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Kramer's Apartment]<br>
<br>
The phone rings and Kramer picks up.<br>
<br>
KRAMER: Hello.<br>
<br>
Somewhere outside, a guy in overalls and a safety helmet is on the phone.
He's<br>
writing on a clipboard as he speaks to Kramer.<br>
<br>
JOHN: Hello, Mister Kramer? This is John Hanaran, from Con Ed.<br>
<br>
Kramer gets a smile on his face, thinking it's another of the cable guy's<br>
tricks.<br>
<br>
KRAMER: Ohh, it's Hanaran now, is it?<br>
<br>
JOHN (V.O.): Yeah. We've had some reports of power surges in your building.
It<br>
seems some jokers were up on the roof, and they must've damaged some of
the<br>
wires.<br>
<br>
KRAMER: Oh, you don't say.<br>
<br>
Kramer walks to his window as he listens.<br>
<br>
JOHN: (a little confused by Kramer) Yeah. Either way, we need to get into
your<br>
apartment and do a safety check.<br>
<br>
Kramer opens his blinds slightly, as he did before. But there is no cable
guy in<br>
the phone box across the street, only a woman talking on the phone.<br>
<br>
KRAMER: (impressed) Ohh, you're good. You are really good.<br>
<br>
JOHN: (confused) What're you talking about?<br>
<br>
Kramer hits a button to end the call, and puts the phone back on the table.<br>
John, the power guy, stares at his phone in disbelief.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Monk's]<br>
<br>
Elaine sits in a booth. George enters, looking unnaturally happy, and
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
comes<br>
over.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Marisa Tomei! I, just spoke to Marisa Tomei! (sitting opposite
Elaine)<br>
And I wasn't even that nervous.<br>
<br>
Elaine watches George, as he rambles on.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: You know, I can't remember the last time I called a woman without
being<br>
nervous. I, usually, I'm pacing all over the room, I'm...<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (looking at her watch) Okay, well that's all the time we have
for today.<br>
Why don't we pick up with this next week?<br>
<br>
Elaine rises.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Hey, where you going?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: I got stuff to do.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: What? You can't leave yet.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Why not?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: We have to discuss my alibi.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Alibi? What does that have to do with me?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: I usually spend Saturday afternoons with Susan. She's gonna want
to know<br>
what I'm doing. I can't use Jerry, he's in Florida.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Oh, so you wanna say you were with me?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Yes.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (pulls a face) Puh. Okay, fine. You were with me.<br>
<br>
Elaine sets off to leave, but is stopped by George.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Wait a second, wait. Why are we together?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: What is the difference?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Because, if you ever see her and it comes up, we have to be in
sync.<br>
Hmm?<br>
<br>
Reluctantly, Elaine sits back down with a sigh, as George furrows his
brow in<br>
concentration.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Okay. Now, why do I have to see (points) you?<br>
<br>
George and Elaine both think hard for a moment. Then Elaine gets a flash
of<br>
inspiration.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Ah! Because, I'm going to the dentist, and I'm afraid, and I want
you to<br>
go with me.<br>
<br>
Elaine smiles and makes a 'voila' gesture.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (dismissive) It's no good.<br>
<br>
Elaine looks offended.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (pointedly) Okay. Fine.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: What?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: I don't like the way you just rejected my suggestion.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Hey, hey, let's not get so defensive here. This is a give and
take<br>
process.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: I thought that my suggestion was good. And, I think you could've
been a<br>
little more tactful.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (explaining, with lots of hand gestures) Okay, look. We've never
worked<br>
together on a lie. Now, you don't understand how I work. I have a certain
way of<br>
working. Jerry and I have worked together a few times. He knows how I
work. It's<br>
not a personal thing, y'know? We're just trying to come up with the best<br>
possible lie. That's what this is all about.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (weary) Okay.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Alright?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Okay.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Okay.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Fine.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Good.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Fine, fine, fine.<br>
<br>
The twosome go back to thinking for a while. This time George gets the<br>
inspiration.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Okay. How about this?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: What?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (pleased with himself) You are having problems with your boyfriend
and I<br>
am meeting you to discuss the situation.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: I don't have a boyfriend.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (still pleased) She doesn't know that. We say that you do.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (not convinced) Ech.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: It's good. Believe me.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: I thought my idea was just as good.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: The dentist thing?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (pointed) Yeah, right. The dentist thing.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Alright, the dentist thing was not good.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Okay, alright. What's his name? Who is he?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (after a moment's thought) Art Vandelay.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (incredulity) Art Vandelay? This is my boyfriend?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: That's your boyfriend.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: What does he do?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: He's an importer.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Just imports? No exports?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (getting irritated) He's an importer-exporter. Okay?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Okay. So, I'm dating Art Vandelay. What is the problem we're discussing?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (thoughtful) Yes. Yes.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (sighs) Yi-yi-yi.<br>
<br>
Elaine and George go into another bout of deep thought.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Ah! (explaining, with hand gestures) How 'bout this? How about,
he's<br>
thinking of quitting the exporting, and just focussing in on the importing.
And<br>
this is causing a problem, because, why not do both?<br>
<br>
Elaine finishes with an expectant smile. George looks skeptical, and Elaine<br>
seems offended again.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (irked) Oh, what? You don't like that suggestion either?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: It's very complicated.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (definitely irritated) You know, it seems to me that it's all
you, and<br>
none of my ideas are getting in. You know, I mean, you just know it all
and I am<br>
Miss Stupid. Right?<br>
<br>
George avoids Elaine's gaze, looking down.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
<br>
Helen is in the kitchen, putting cookies on a plate, as a restless Morty
fusses<br>
around.<br>
<br>
MORTY: What're you doing? Are you making coffee?<br>
<br>
HELEN: Yeah.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Well, maybe you better make a pot of tea, too.<br>
<br>
HELEN: Morty, you're driving me crazy.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Look, I don't want anything to go wrong. If this woman votes to
impeach<br>
me, I'll be a laughing stock.<br>
<br>
HELEN: You wanna drive a Cadillac? Expect to pay the consequences.<br>
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
<br>
The doorbell chimes.<br>
<br>
MORTY: There she is.<br>
<br>
Morty and Helen both go to the door. Morty opens it and Mrs Choate enters.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Hello. Hello, Mrs Choate.<br>
<br>
HELEN: Oh, come in, come in. May I take your coat.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: No, no. I prefer to wear it. Nobody's taking my coat.<br>
<br>
HELEN: Ah, how 'bout a cup of coffee or something?<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Coffee? Ach. I'll take hot water with lemon, if you have
it.<br>
<br>
HELEN: I'll see. (indicating the couch) Have a seat. That's a lovely scarf<br>
you're wearing. Where did you get it?<br>
<br>
Helen goes to the kitchen as Mrs Choate sits on the couch.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Ahh, they're a dime a dozen.<br>
<br>
Jerry enters.<br>
<br>
HELEN: Oh, hi Jerry. Mrs Choate, (indicating) this is my son, Jerry.<br>
<br>
Mrs Choate turns to look at Jerry. Jerry looks astonished as he recognises
Mrs<br>
Choate. He remembers an incident from &quot;The Rye&quot;.<br>
<br>
<br>
[New York Street, &quot;The Rye&quot;]<br>
<br>
Jerry grapples with Mrs Choate, for possession of a bag.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Gimme that rye!<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Stop it. Let go. Help! Someone, help!<br>
<br>
Jerry wrests the bag from the old lady's grip.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Shut up, you old bag!<br>
<br>
Jerry races away down the street with the rye.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: (shouting after him) Thief! Stop him! Stop him, he's got
my rye!<br>
<br>
<br>
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
<br>
Jerry manages to regain a normal expression.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Nice to meet you.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Hello.<br>
<br>
MORTY: (holding Jerry's shoulders) Jerry lives in New York. You just came
from<br>
New York, didn't you?<br>
<br>
Jerry looks desperate. The last thing he needs is Mrs Choate connecting
him with<br>
New York.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Yeah. I was visiting my daughter, and I'll never go back.
The crime<br>
there is just terrible. Do you know I got mugged for a marble rye, right
on the<br>
street?<br>
<br>
Jerry gives a look of sympathy. Helen brings a couple of saucers and cups
from<br>
the kitchen, placing them on the table before Mrs Choate.<br>
<br>
HELEN: (sympathy) Oh, that's terrible. They stole a rye? Why would they
steal a<br>
rye?<br>
<br>
MORTY: That's what the city's turning into. They'll steal anything.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: They're like savages.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Yeah, there's some sickos out there.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: (peering at Jerry) You look very familiar. Have we ever met?<br>
<br>
JERRY: You ever go to Camp Tiyoga?<br>
<br>
HELEN: Maybe you've seen him on television.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Jerry's a comedian.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Naw, I don't watch TV.<br>
<br>
Jerry has moved rapidly to the door.<br>
<br>
JERRY: (opening the door) Well, it was nice meeting you.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Jerry, don't go.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Ah, I think I'll go.<br>
<br>
Jerry darts out and shuts the door behind him.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: So, Morty, what's this all about? What d'you want?<br>
<br>
<br>
[George's Apartment]<br>
<br>
Susan sits on the couch, reading. She spots George, in his coat, heading
for the<br>
door.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Hey, where're you going?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Wha..? I didn't tell you? I gotta go meet Elaine.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Elaine? What for?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: I don't know. She..She's having some problems with this guy she's<br>
seeing.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: I didn't even know she was dating anyone.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. She's seeing this guy, Art Vandelay.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: So what does he do?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: He's an importer-exporter.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: What kind of problems are they having?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (not happy delivering Elaine's lie) Well, he uh, he wants to uh,
quit<br>
the exporting and uh, focus just on the importing. And it's a problem,
because<br>
she thinks the exporting is as important as the importing.<br>
<br>
Susan looks unconvinced.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Are you having an affair with Elaine?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (trying to laugh it off) Right. C'mon! I'm having an affair with<br>
Elaine?! If I was having an affair with Elaine, I wouldn't tell you I'm
going to<br>
see Elaine. I would make up some other person to tell you I was gonna
go see,<br>
and then I would go see Ela..Elaine.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Huh?<br>
<br>
George gives a smile and slides out the door.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Street]<br>
<br>
Kramer strolls along the street, carrying a big bag of groceries. He becomes<br>
aware that a vehicle is slowly driving along the road just behind him.
Kramer<br>
shifts his load of groceries, so that a shiny baking tray is in a position
he<br>
can use it as a mirror. Behind him, he can see the blurry image of a Plaza
Cable<br>
truck. Kramer begins to walk faster, then breaks into a run.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Another Street]<br>
<br>
Kramer slows from his run, and looks behind himself. A smile comes to
his face,<br>
as he sees the truck is no longer there. He allows himself a little shrug
of<br>
satisfaction at having beaten the cable guy. Kramer turns and begins to
walk on,<br>
with his groceries, when there is a screech of tyres and the cable truck
comes<br>
to a halt in front of him - having taken another route to head him off.<br>
<br>
The cable guy gives a 'come here' gesture with his forefinger through
the truck<br>
window. Kramer turns and sets off running. He runs into a litter bin,
drops his<br>
groceries and falls to the floor. The cable guy climbs from his truck
and begins<br>
to advance on Kramer. Kramer picks himself up and, abandoning his groceries,<br>
sets off running again, with the cable guy in pursuit.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Variety of New York locations]<br>
<br>
Kramer runs across a busy thoroughfare, followed, seconds later, by the
cable<br>
guy.<br>
<br>
Kramer hauls himself over a wall in a park, looks around, and then sets
off<br>
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
running. Moments later, the cable guy struggles over the same wall and
sets off<br>
after Kramer.<br>
<br>
Kramer runs across an expanse of grass in the park, with the cable guy
just a<br>
few yards behind.<br>
<br>
Kramer runs across a New York rooftop. He comes to the edge of the roof
and<br>
looks for a way across to the next building. Kramer looks worriedly behind
him,<br>
for the pursuing cable guy, then down into the gap between buildings.
Despite<br>
his worry at the height, he steps back a few paces, takes a run-up, and
leaps<br>
across to land on the roof of the next building. Kramer picks himself
up and<br>
sets off running again. Behind him, the cable guy comes to the same gap,
looks<br>
down at how far he has to fall, and thinks better of attempting the leap.<br>
<br>
NICK: (yelling after the fleeing Kramer) I'll get you! I'll get you Kramer!
You<br>
won't get away with this!<br>
<br>
<br>
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
<br>
Morty is fastening a jacket as he enters.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Alright, are you ready to eat?<br>
<br>
HELEN: (glancing at her watch) Oh, right, let's go. Jerry, let's go, it's
time<br>
to eat. We're going to dinner.<br>
<br>
Jerry wanders into the room. He's in a t-shirt and sweatpants, and holding
a<br>
comic book he's been reading.<br>
<br>
JERRY: (confused) Dinner? W..What time is it?<br>
<br>
HELEN: (pulling on a coat) It's four-thirty.<br>
<br>
JERRY: (bewildered) Four-thirty? Who eats dinner at four-thirty?<br>
<br>
MORTY: By the time we sit down, it'll be quarter to five.<br>
<br>
JERRY: I don't understand why we have to eat now.<br>
<br>
HELEN: We gotta catch the early-bird. It's only between four-thirty and
six.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Yeah. They give you a tenderloin, a salad and a baked potato, for<br>
four-ninety-five. You know what that cost you after six?<br>
<br>
JERRY: Can't we eat at a decent hour? I'll treat, okay?<br>
<br>
HELEN: You're not buying us dinner.<br>
<br>
JERRY: (emphatic) I'm not force-feeding myself a steak at four-thirty
to save a<br>
coupla bucks, I'll tell you that!<br>
<br>
HELEN: Alright, (sitting on the couch) we'll wait. (pointedly) But it's
unheard<br>
of.<br>
<br>
Jerry shakes his head, incredulous, and wanders away with his comic book.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Park]<br>
<br>
George sits on a bench with Marisa Tomei. He's mid-speech, and Marisa's
looking<br>
interested, smiling and laughing.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: ...So, anyway, if you think about it, manure is not really that
bad a<br>
word. I mean, it's 'newer', which is good, and a 'ma' in front of it,
which is<br>
also good. Ma-newer , right?<br>
<br>
MARISA: (laughing) You're so right. I never thought of it like that. Manure.<br>
'Ma' and the 'newer'.<br>
<br>
Marisa laughs and George is smiling happily.<br>
<br>
MARISA: Did you just make that up?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: What, you think I'm doing material here?<br>
<br>
MARISA: (laughs) No, no. It's hard to believe anyone could be so spontaneously<br>
funny.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: (modest) And I'm a little tired.<br>
<br>
Marisa laughs again, then speaks, still smiling, but more seriously.<br>
<br>
MARISA: So, tell me, how is it that a man like you, so bald, and so quirky
and<br>
funny, how is it you're not taken?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Well, Marisa. See, the thing is... I'm sort of engaged.<br>
<br>
Marisa's face falls in disappointment.<br>
<br>
MARISA: What?<br>
<br>
GEORGE: I'm, you know, engaged.<br>
<br>
Marisa's expression turns to anger. She swings a fist and punches George
in the<br>
face, then grabs her bag and storms away. George feels the painful spot
where he<br>
received the blow.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Outside Scott's, Florida]<br>
<br>
A few people stand around outside. The Seinfeld's Cadillac drives up to
the<br>
front of the restaurant. There's a gap in the parked cars, right by the<br>
entrance.<br>
<br>
JERRY (V.O): Hey look, there's a spot right in front.<br>
<br>
MORTY(V.O.): Always, Jerry. Always.<br>
<br>
The Cadillac pulls into the space. From the entrance of Scott's emerge
Jack and<br>
Doris Klompus, Jack using a toothpick<br>
<br>
DORIS: Was that delicious or what?<br>
<br>
JACK: Where you gonna get a better meal than that?<br>
<br>
DORIS: Better than Danny's.<br>
<br>
JACK: Danny's? (scoffs) C'mon!<br>
<br>
The Seinfelds walk toward the entrance, where they meet the Klompus duo.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Hello Jack.<br>
<br>
HELEN: Doris.<br>
<br>
DORIS: Hello, hello.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Jack.<br>
<br>
DORIS: Hello, Jerry.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Hi Doris.<br>
<br>
JACK: Hello Morty. (looking at watch) Well, missed the early bird.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Yeah, so?<br>
<br>
JACK: (pointed) Must be nice to have that kind of money.<br>
<br>
Jack calls over to one of the people outside the restaurant.<br>
<br>
JACK: Bernie, look who's eating at six o'clock. (pointed) Your suddenly<br>
well-to-do president. But, you enjoy your last meal in office. Tomorrow,
they<br>
kick you out, you'll have plenty of time to drive around in your Cadillac.<br>
<br>
Morty is looking confident, even smug.<br>
<br>
MORTY: They're not kicking me out. You don't have the votes.<br>
<br>
JACK: That's what you think.<br>
<br>
MORTY: We'll see.<br>
<br>
JACK: Yes, we will.<br>
<br>
JERRY: Awright, let's eat already.<br>
<br>
The Seinfelds enter Scott's, and Jack and Doris walk past the Cadillac.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Elaine's Apartment]<br>
<br>
Elaine answers a knock at the door, to find a slightly anxious looking
Susan.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Hi, Susan.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Hi.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Hi. Come in, come in. Have a seat.<br>
<br>
Susan walks in, and crosses to the couch. Elaine closes the door.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: (standing) Uh, Elaine, I have to ask you a question.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Oh, sure.<br>
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
<br>
SUSAN: (dead serious) Are you having an affair with George?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (disbelief) Wha...?! (uncontrolled laughter) Ha ha ha. Ha, no.<br>
<br>
Elaine has to sit on the arm of a chair, she's laughing so hard.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (laughter) Don't be ridiculous! (laughter) I mean, why would anyone<br>
wanna sleep...<br>
<br>
Elaine realises who she's speaking to, and the laughter dies away.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: ...Well, obviously... You know... (disbelief) Ap..ap, Chu... Why
would<br>
you think I was having an affair with George?<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Ohh, because he said that he had to talk with you earlier about
some<br>
problem that you were having.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (recalling the arranged lie) Yeah, yeah, I did have to talk with
him. I<br>
definitely had to talk with him. Having a problem with my boyfriend.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Art Vandelay?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Yeah, Art Vandelay.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: I'm sorry. (laughing it off) I feel like an idiot.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (smiling) No, no. (laughing) Huh-hu-hu. It's okay.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Oh, just forget that we ever talked. Okay?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: It is so forgotten.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Alright.<br>
<br>
Susan moves toward the door.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Okay. (relieved) Okay, no problem.<br>
<br>
Susan has the door open, when a thought occurs to her.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: So, was George helpful at all?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (unconvincing) Yeah. Oh, yes, yes, he was very helpful. (hesitant)
Uhm,<br>
because, you know, Art and I were getting into this whole thing about
his<br>
business. Uhm, you know he's an importer-exporter.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: (not convinced) Yeah.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (explaining, with gestures) Uhm, George felt that I was too adamant
in<br>
my stand that Art should focus on the exporting and forget about the importing.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: (spotting an inconsistency) Wait a minute. I thought that Art wanted
to<br>
give up the exporting.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: What'd I say?<br>
<br>
SUSAN: The importing.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (caught out) I did. Uh...<br>
<br>
SUSAN: So, what does he uh, import?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (extemporising) Uh... chips.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Oh. What kinda chips?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Potato.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Ah.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (embroidering) Some corn.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: And what does he export?<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Diapers.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: (fake smile) I'm sorry for bothering you.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Oh, no, it's okay.<br>
<br>
Susan and Elaine both use fake laughs, as Susan leaves and closes the
door.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: Okay.<br>
<br>
The moment the door closes behind Susan, Elaine races to her phone and
dials a<br>
number hurriedly. She stands, listening to the ring, desperate for a response.<br>
<br>
ELAINE: (to herself) C'mon, George, pick up. Oh, pick up. Oh, pick up.<br>
<br>
<br>
[George's Apartment]<br>
<br>
Susan stands sifting through some magazines, when the door opens and George<br>
enters. He's still feeling his face where Marisa punched him.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Hi.<br>
<br>
SUSAN: Hi. (pointedly) So, George, what does Art Vandelay import?<br>
<br>
George looks surprised by the question, and thinks for a moment before
replying.<br>
<br>
GEORGE: Matches? Long matches.<br>
<br>
Susan raises her arm, and delivers the second punch that George has received<br>
today. George is thrown backwards out of the door by the blow, and Susan
slams<br>
the door behind him.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Tenant's Committee, Florida]<br>
<br>
Around the table are the board of phase two. Morty and Jack sit beside
each<br>
other. Herb is chairing the meeting, and several other representatives
are<br>
present, some chatting with each other. Herb spots Mrs Choate coming in
through<br>
the door.<br>
<br>
HERB: ...There she is. Okay, if I can have your attention for a minute
here.<br>
We're calling this emergency meeting of the board of phase two, to consider
a<br>
motion of impeachment of our president, (indicating) Morty Seinfeld.<br>
<br>
Mrs Choate sits beside Morty.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Nervous, Jack?<br>
<br>
JACK: What for?<br>
<br>
MORTY: Because I have the votes.<br>
<br>
Morty turns to Mrs Choate.<br>
<br>
MORTY: Nice to see you, Mrs Choate.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Hello, Morty.<br>
<br>
Jack looks surprised at the friendliness between Morty and Mrs Choate.<br>
<br>
HERB: Building A. Are you for, or against, the motion to impeach?<br>
<br>
RALPH: What does that mean?<br>
<br>
HERB: It means, if you're for the motion, you're against Morty.<br>
<br>
RALPH: So why don't you say that?<br>
<br>
HERB: Hey, I'm running the meeting.<br>
<br>
RALPH: If you think so.<br>
<br>
HERB: Building A?<br>
<br>
BUILDING A: For impeachment.<br>
<br>
HERB: Building B?<br>
<br>
BUILDING B: Against impeachment.<br>
<br>
HERB: Building C?<br>
<br>
BUILDING C: For impeachment.<br>
<br>
HERB: Building D?<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Against impeachment.<br>
<br>
JACK: (a whisper to Morty) I can't believe you got that old bag.<br>
<br>
Mrs Choate overhears Jack's comment, and it stirs a memory. She thinks
back.<br>
<br>
<br>
[New York Street, &quot;The Rye&quot;]<br>
<br>
Jerry and Mrs Choate struggle for possession of a bag containing a marble
rye.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: Help! Someone help!<br>
<br>
JERRY: Shut up, you old bag!<br>
<br>
Jerry wrests the bag from Mrs Choate and takes off down the street.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: (after Jerry) Oh, thief! Thief!<br>
<br>
<br>
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
[Tenant's Committee, Florida]<br>
<br>
Mrs Choate wears a look of shocked realisation. She stands and addresses
Morty.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: It's him. (pointing at Morty) It's your son. Now I know where
I saw<br>
him. He stole my marble rye.<br>
<br>
MORTY: My son never stole anything. He's a good boy.<br>
<br>
RALPH: They should lock him up.<br>
<br>
MRS. CHOATE: (pointing at Morty) Like father, like son. (thumps table)
I change<br>
my vote. I vote to impeach!<br>
<br>
BUILDING B: Me too. I change my vote.<br>
<br>
HERB: All those in favour, say aye.<br>
<br>
ALL (EXCEPT MORTY): Aye.<br>
<br>
HERB: All opposed.<br>
<br>
Morty forlornly raises his hand.<br>
<br>
HERB: The ayes have it. The motion passes.<br>
<br>
Jack smiles a big smug smile of triumph, aimed at Morty.<br>
<br>
HERB: Morty Seinfeld, you are officially dismissed as condo president.
As<br>
vice-president, Jack Klompus, in accordance with the phase two constitution,
is<br>
hereby installed as president.<br>
<br>
Jack stands to acknowledge the honour.<br>
<br>
HERB: Hear, hear, Jack.<br>
<br>
Jack raises a hand in salute, as the rest of the board applaud him. A<br>
disgruntled Morty remains silent.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Hall Outside Jerry's Apartment]<br>
<br>
A weary looking Nick, the cable guy, leans against Kramer's door. He knocks
and<br>
there's no response.<br>
<br>
NICK: (weary) Alright, I know you're in there. I know you can hear me.
You win,<br>
okay? You win. I can't do it any more. What d'you want from me? Apology?<br>
Alright, I'm sorry. There, I said it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I see now
how we<br>
made you feel when we made you sit home waiting. I dunno why we do it.
(upset) I<br>
guess maybe we just kind of enjoy taking advantage of people. (reasonable)
Well,<br>
that's gonna change. From now on, no more 'nine to twelve', no more 'one
to<br>
five'. We're gonna have appointments. Eleven o'clock is gonna mean eleven<br>
o'clock. And, if we can't make it, we're gonna call you, tell you why.
(worked<br>
up) For god's sakes, if a doctor can do it, why can't we? (almost sobbing)<br>
Anyway, that's it.<br>
<br>
The cable guy sighs, and begins to walk away. Kramer's door opens, and
Kramer<br>
emerges. He and Nick look at each other apologetically for a few seconds.
Then<br>
Kramer steps forward and they hug.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
<br>
Morty comes in from the bedroom, looking around at his home. Helen holds
his<br>
coat as he slips into it. She adjusts his collar and hands him a blue
hat. Jerry<br>
enters through the front door.<br>
<br>
JERRY: The bags are in the car, I guess we better go.<br>
<br>
Jerry leads the way, followed by Helen, who folds a coat over her arm.
Morty<br>
waits a second or two, having a final look round the room. He stands by
the<br>
door, then steels himself. Giving a determined nod, he exits, closing
the door<br>
behind him.<br>
<br>
<br>
[Outside Morty and Helen's, Florida]<br>
<br>
The Seinfelds walk, three abreast, toward the Cadillac. As they walk,
they pass<br>
the other residents, who have come to see them off. They nod acknowledgement.
As<br>
they get to the car, Helen and Jerry get in, but Morty stands in the open
door<br>
of the Cadillac, turns to the assembled throng and gives a big smile,
and<br>
arms-wide gesture (like Nixon leaving the White House), before climbing
into the<br>
car. The residents wave back, one or two of them in tears, and Morty slowly<br>
drives the Cadillac away.<br>
<br>
[END]</p>
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