780 lines
40 KiB
HTML
780 lines
40 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Cartoon</h1>
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</p>
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<p>transcribed by Mohamel, Feb. 2000</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld: himself</p>
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<p>George Costanza: Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Kramer: Michael Richards</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes: Julia Louis Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Peterman: John O'Hurley</p>
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<p>sally Weaver: Kathy Griffin</p>
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<p>Newman: Wayne Knight</p>
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<p>Janet: Tracy Nelson</p>
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<p>Mr Elinoff: Paul Benedict</p>
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<p>Dugan: Joe Urla</p>
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<p>written by: Bruce Eric Kaplan </p>
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<p>directed by: Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p>================================================================</p>
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<p>Some street , Jerry and Kramer walking</p>
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<p>Jerry: So your saying UNICEF is a scam?</p>
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<p>Kramer: It's the perfect cover for a money laundering operation
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. No one can keep track of all those kids</p>
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<p>with the little orange boxes of change.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh! No it's Sally Weaver.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>We see Sally from a distance.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh! Yeah your old college roommate huh?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No , It's Susan Ross's old college roommate; she moved to
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New York a few years ago . she's trying </p>
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<p>to become an actress.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hmmm,, Dramatica comedia heh!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Untalented, She's always inviting me to see her in some
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bad play in tiny room without ventilation.</p>
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<p>It's really depressing.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Euh.. We don't go to enough theater.</p>
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<p>Jerry: She should just give up.</p>
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<p>She recognizes them.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Heeyyy!...</p>
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<p>Sally: Hey there Mr. Too big to come to my shows. I just came back
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from (?) Whoooooooo.....I'm on my</p>
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<p>way to an audition</p>
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<p>still waiting for that big break.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Why don't you just give up?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Kramer!!!</p>
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<p>Kramer: At least that's what Jerry says. Now face it. If it hasn't
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happen it's not gonna happen.</p>
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<p>All right , we go grab some bouffe . Join us?</p>
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<p>Kramer leaves both Sally and Jerry speechless</p>
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<p>Jerry: So......Susan's dead.....</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>At Monks</p>
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<p>Kramer: I think she was happy someone finally said it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Why'd you have to say anything to her?</p>
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<p>Kramer: 'felt that the conversation was lagging.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Why can't you ever keep your big mouth shut?</p>
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<p>Kramer: I come in here to get a pleasant meal and if we're not
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gonna have one I'll grab a bite to eat at your</p>
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<p>place.</p>
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<p>Pushes Jerry out of the booth and leaves.</p>
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<p>Elaine: You know, maybe Kramer is right, some people should just
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give up . I have.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What did you wanna be?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I don't remember , but it certainly wasn't this. Look at
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this cartoon in the New Yorker, I don't get</p>
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<p>this.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't either.</p>
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<p>Elaine: And you're on the fringe of the humor business.</p>
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<p>George comes in</p>
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<p>George: Hey!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey! George look at this.</p>
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<p>George: That's cute.</p>
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<p>Elaine: You got it?</p>
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<p>George: No , never mind.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Come on , We're two intelligent people here. We can figure
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this out. Now we got a dog and a cat in</p>
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<p>an office.</p>
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<p>Jerry: It looks like my accountant's office but there's no pets
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working there.</p>
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<p>Elaine: The cat is saying " I've enjoyed reading your E-mail".</p>
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<p>George: Maybe it's got something to do with that 42 in the corner
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.</p>
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<p>Elaine: It's a page number.</p>
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<p>George: Well , I can't crack this one.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Aahh! this has got to be a mistake.</p>
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<p>George: try shaking it...(long pause) Well ,Janet should be here
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any minute.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You've been hiding her from us. you must really like her?</p>
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<p>George: Aah! the minute I saw this girl , we just clicked. She's
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got such a nice face. hummmm her eyes, her</p>
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<p>mouth, nose</p>
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<p>Elaine: We know what a face consists of.</p>
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<p>Janet arrives</p>
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<p>Janet; I'm sorry I'm late.</p>
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<p>George; Jerry , Elaine, I give you.. Janet.</p>
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<p>Janet: Nice to meet you.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hi!</p>
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<p>Janet; Do we still have time to make the movie?</p>
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<p>George; Oh! euh.. Yeah We just can't go to the supermarket to get
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some candy.</p>
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<p>George goes to the cashier and empties out the candy bowl ,they
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leave.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Jerry , She looks exactly like you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: She does not.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well maybe she doesn't, I don't care.</p>
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<p>To Jerry's place , Kramer is already there making himself a lunch.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey! Kramer.</p>
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<p>Kramer: hey! you got some messages.. Yeahumm.. .George, George,
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Elaine, George again, Elaine, Newman; but that was a crank call.</p>
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<p>and some Sally woman called said "Thanks a lot , she's quitting
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the business, you ruined her life.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What! You're the one who ruined her life.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well that's not how she remembers it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well , I got to talk her out of this.</p>
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<p>Kramer; I thought you said she stinks</p>
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<p>Jerry: She does stink and she should quit. But I don't want it
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to be because of me. It should be the</p>
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<p>traditional route; years of rejections and failures till she's
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spit out the bottom of the porn industry.</p>
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<p>Door buzzer rings</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah...</p>
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<p>George: Hey! George and Janet.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Aahh...Who's Janet?</p>
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<p>Jerry: George's girlfriend , Elaine thinks she looks like me but
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I think it's as you would say ,kookie talk.</p>
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<p>Kramer; You know what woman I always thought you looked like; Leena
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Horne.</p>
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<p>All: Hey, Hey!</p>
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<p>Kramer: And you must....look exactly like Jerry. You don't see
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this; you're like twins .. WOoooohhhhh!!!</p>
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<p>this is eerie.</p>
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<p>George: Kramer , what are you talking about...Janet doesn't look
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anything like Jerry</p>
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<p>Janet: well maybe we do look a little like each other.</p>
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<p>George: No..hummm , What do you know about what you look like.</p>
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<p>Kramer: C'mon George relax . Just because they look alike doesn't
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mean you're secretly in love with Jerry.</p>
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<p>George; (nervous) All right now we're going bye bye.</p>
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<p>Janet: We just got here George</p>
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<p>George: Well,,, it's getting dark.</p>
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<p>They leave.</p>
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<p>Kramer: yeah, she's a nice girl, kinda quiet though.</p>
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<p>Jerry slaps him in the back.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What are you doing? Don't tell a woman she looks like a
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man and George doesn't want to hear his </p>
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<p>girlfriend looks like me and frankly neither do I</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well how should I have "broached the subject"</p>
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<p>Jerry: You don't broach, you keep your mouth shut.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well sounds like someone's having a bad day.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah! Because of you.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, I think one of us should leave.</p>
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<p>They stare at each other for a while, then the scene cuts to Monks.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Sally ,you can't quit the business. This is all because
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of me.</p>
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<p>Sally: (nods) Hehumm!!</p>
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<p>Jerry: You can't give up. You don't think people tell me I stink?</p>
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<p>When I'm on stage that's all I hear; You stink , You suck. We like
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magic.</p>
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<p>Sally: Really?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Of course , I stink , you stink. It's show bizz. everybody
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stinks..</p>
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<p>Sally: Yeah! You've been stinking since the Eighties.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right , I think we've covered my act. Now you get out
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there and stink it up with</p>
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<p>everybody else.</p>
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<p>Sally: Right! , Yesss!! Thank you I'm gonna do it. (starts to eat
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her food)</p>
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<p>Jerry: NOW!!!!.... ( she leaves in a hurry)</p>
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<p>Back to Jerry's place , evening.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well I've asked every one at work and nobody gets this
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cartoon. I mean I don't understand why</p>
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<p>no one can explain it, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh! I think we're at the bottom.</p>
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<p>Elaine: (to George who just came in) Hey! George , Janet looks
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very nice and she's quite a handsome</p>
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<p>woman.</p>
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<p>George: What does that mean?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah. What does that mean?</p>
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<p>George: (to Jerry) What do you mean by that?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Elaine: Enjoy. ( she leaves)</p>
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<p>Jerry; Elaine huh?.. She's completely..</p>
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<p>George: Oh! I know....'Cos you don't think Janet?..</p>
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<p>Jerry: No....</p>
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<p>George: Why would I...</p>
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<p>Jerry; It's ludicrous..</p>
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<p>George: Yes.</p>
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<p>Jerry: For either one of us..</p>
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<p>George: No...</p>
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<p>Jerry; So...</p>
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<p>George: Exactly.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm not gay.</p>
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<p>George: ...neither am I.</p>
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<p>Both: Kramer, Kramer , get in here.</p>
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<p>George: Where's the crazy man , Come on up.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Come on in here.</p>
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<p>AS Kramer steps out and comes in</p>
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<p>George: Haaaaaa!!!</p>
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<p>Jerry: What's happening? What, you doing , come and talk to us.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I've made an important life decision.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Lets talk about that.</p>
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<p>George: Don't leave (George slams the door)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Aw right. I know I've been shooting off at the mouth lately;
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First with that girl whose life</p>
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<p>you destroyed and.. emm...about George dating a lady Jerry</p>
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<p>George: What's the decision?</p>
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<p>Kramer: I know you want me to keep my big mouth shut and that's
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exactly what I'm going to do.</p>
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<p>I'm never gonna talk again.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah right.</p>
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<p>Kramer: What do I need to talk for.. ha! , For to blab to the neighbors
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about George has a new fem-Jerry</p>
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<p>friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop ho George is all
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mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of </p>
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<p>some girl and his best friend.</p>
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<p>See now , I've done all that.....Now it's time for silence.</p>
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<p>George: Silence YES!!</p>
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<p>Jerry; Kramer you're never gonna be able to completely stop talking.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Jerry, ninety four percent of communications is non-verbal.
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Here watch.</p>
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<p>Kramer does mimics but you can make out somebody angry saying "What
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are you talking about, twice and then some crying)</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well what does this mean?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well it's Frank and Estelle's reaction of hearing George's
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man love towards she-Jerry.</p>
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<p>George: (frantic by now) SHUT UP ,SHUT UP , SHUT UP,...(then leaves)</p>
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<p>Kramer: That's the idea.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Kramer there's no way you stick to this.</p>
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<p>Kramer: (makes a zipper gesture to his mouth) ..Weeeeeepp!!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh! you just startin' now?</p>
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<p>Kramer; that's right......Aye oooh!! ...Right now.</p>
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<p>Kramer turns abruptly and hit his knees on the coffee table</p>
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<p>Kramer Ouch!!..........Now!!</p>
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<p>Next day at the New Yorker</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: So, J. Peterman wants to hire some of our cartoonists
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to illustrate your catalog?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well we're hoping that if perhaps that the catalog is a
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little funnier ,people</p>
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<p>won't be so quick to return the clothes ha ha....For example..
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I..I really do....Well I love this one</p>
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<p>Elaine shows him the cartoon</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: Oh! yeah... That's a rather clever jab at inter office
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politics don't you think.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Ahan, Ahan....yeah...Euh but, Why is it that the, that
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the animals enjoy reading the email?</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: Well Miss Benes . Cartoons are like gossamer and one
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doesn't dissect gossamer. heh..hemm..</p>
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<p>Elaine; Well you don't have to dissect if you can just tell me.
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Why this is suppose to be funny?</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: Ha! It's merely a commentary on contemporary mores.
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(slides the magazine to her)</p>
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<p>Elaine: But, what is the comment. (she slides the magazine back
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to him)</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: It's a slice of life. </p>
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<p>Elaine: No it isn't.</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: Pun?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I don,t think so.</p>
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<p>Mr Elinoff: Vorshtein?</p>
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<p>Elaine: That's not a word.....You have no idea what this means
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do you?</p>
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<p>Mr Elinoff: No.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Then why did you print it.</p>
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<p>Mr. Elinoff: I liked the kitty.</p>
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<p>Elaine: (gets up) You know what? you people should be ashamed of
|
|
yourself, you know ya doodle a couple of bears</p>
|
|
<p>at a cocktail party talking about the stock market. You think you're
|
|
doing comedy.</p>
|
|
<p>Mr. Elinoff: Actually that's not bad..</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh! really (laughs) well you know..... I have others</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Cuts to the Samuel Beckett Theatre</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry; Sally, I can't believe you're already doing a One-woman
|
|
show?</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: No, no.. It's just a little performance piece I wrote...
|
|
You know what? You really inspired me ,oKay , a tear.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer joins Jerry just as the show starts</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Ah! There you are.( Kramer motions silence)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry; Aw.. right , code of silence.. how's that going?....Ha!!...</p>
|
|
<p>Applause, Sally starts her show</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Hi everybody think you're really going to like this 'cos
|
|
it' about me...All right it's not just about me</p>
|
|
<p>It's about me and this guy; Jerry Seinfeld. who I like to call;
|
|
The Devil...Okay, Okay so.. I run into this</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry on the street and he says to me " Sally , You stink
|
|
, You should give up acting." Oh! I'm doing </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry Now so you've got imagine I have ; horns , a tail and hooks
|
|
instead of feet. ( big laughs from the</p>
|
|
<p>audience and Kramer is cracking up)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: ( to Kramer) Oh! Shut up!!!</p>
|
|
<p>Next day at Jerry's</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: She does a full hour about how you're the devil .I got
|
|
to go see this thing.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Good luck , It's sold out for the next three weeks.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well I bet I can get in once I mention I'm from ...The
|
|
New Yorker.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: The New Yorker?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes , The New Yorker , I've met with their cartoon editor
|
|
and I got him to admit that that cartoon</p>
|
|
<p>...MADE NO SENSE....</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Wow! Good work, Nancy Drew</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Then we ended up going out to lunch and he had some great
|
|
gossip about James Thurber.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Nodding off...</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: ....And he said I could submit some of my own cartoons.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Wow! that's incredible......But you don't draw.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I do to.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What , your sad little horsies , the house with the little
|
|
curl of smoke , the sunflower with the smiley</p>
|
|
<p>face. the transparent cube... ( as she leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It's better than your drawings of naked Lois Lane.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Where did you see that? Those are private!!!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Back to Monks, same day</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Jerry , sorry I'm late. Channel Nine is doing a piece on
|
|
my show. Isn't that great? Do you hate me?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No ,no I tought the show was terrific. I was just wondering
|
|
if you have to keep saying Jerry Seinfeld</p>
|
|
<p>is the devil.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Well...That is the title.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I know but I thought that maybe you could mention how I
|
|
apologized then encouraged you to stick with it.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: You know I workshopped that and.. SNOOZERS!!! he he he....but
|
|
I'll tell you what I'll think...</p>
|
|
<p>It's all a journey.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You got a little shmootz there (picks something on her sweater)</p>
|
|
<p>Newman shyly approaches the table</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Excuse me Miss Weaver , OH! My god it is you! I.. I've
|
|
seen your show six times..</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What a surprise.</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Aahh! You're great ,It's great , It's so great to see a
|
|
show that's (looks at Jerry) about something.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer climbs into a cab</p>
|
|
<p>Driver: Where to?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer realizes that he can't talk so quickly gets out of the cab.</p>
|
|
<p>Evening at Janet's apt.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (we hear him think) My friends are idiots , she doesn't
|
|
look like Jerry. She doesn't look like anybody.</p>
|
|
<p>And so what if does look like Jerry ,what does that mean?. That
|
|
I could have everything I have with Jerry</p>
|
|
<p>but because it's a woman I could also have sex with her....And
|
|
that somehow that would be exactly</p>
|
|
<p>what I always wanted.....She doesn't even look like Jerry..</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: You know I really do look like your friend Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I know....</p>
|
|
<p>Back to Jerry's</p>
|
|
<p>TV announcer: Thanks for watching Nine News. We leave you tonight
|
|
with a scene from Sally Weavers One woman show.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Ok so I go to meet Jerry Seinfeld at this horrible coffee
|
|
shop right? And he's like "Hey stop doing </p>
|
|
<p>your show." and I'm like, Hello! It's a free country. So then
|
|
he goes." Okay Shmootsie" and</p>
|
|
<p>he starts pulling at my sweater right?. He's getting , you know,
|
|
Hands Across America. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: There really was shmootz on I didn't try to grab her</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: ...And this is what he looks like when he's eating...</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Get Out of my House!!.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine walks in the door looking terrible</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well boys, I did it. I had to stay up all night but I finally
|
|
came up with a great New Yorker cartoon.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'd stayed up all night I'd fixed myself up a little before
|
|
I'd go out.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: That is not the point.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: some mouthwash , a hat , something.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Just read it!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (glances at it) Pretty good.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Pretty good? Well uh! This is a gem . Kramer look it....(Kramer
|
|
stays silent).....What?</p>
|
|
<p>It's funny.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's a pig at a complain department.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: And he's saying " I wish I was taller" ha ha.
|
|
See? that's his complaint.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I get it.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Do you!!!.. because that's not a normal complaint.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How 'bout if it was something like " I can't find my
|
|
receipt my place's a stye.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Everything with you has to be so .. jokey.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm a comedian.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I wish I was taller, that's, that's, that's nice. that's
|
|
real.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well I got a complaint. This cartoon stinks.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Elaine: I'll tell you who doesn't think it stinks , The New Yorker.
|
|
that's right. They're publishing it in their </p>
|
|
<p>next issue. Oh! you know what I just ran into Newman in the hall
|
|
and he said you tried to grope Sally</p>
|
|
<p>Weaver.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: oh! that's it I'm gonna put an end to this.</p>
|
|
<p>Picks up a phone and dials Sally's number. Kramer taps on a sheet
|
|
of paper that he gives to Elaine to read.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: The pig says "my wife is a slut."</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Now that's a complaint. ...Hello Sally , yeah this is Jerry
|
|
,I just wanted to leave you a message that I </p>
|
|
<p>caught your little piece on TV and..</p>
|
|
<p>Instant switch to the club where Sally is playing the message that
|
|
Jerry left on her message.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: ....I'm getting a little tired of hearing how horrible I
|
|
am and would appreciate it if you would leave</p>
|
|
<p>me out of your act all together.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (from the back of the club , leaving) That's it I'm calling
|
|
in the big guns.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Still Sally's act but seen on his TV back in his apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: To cease and desist on behalf of my client, Jerry Seinfeld.
|
|
Signed ; Crybaby Jerry Seinfeld's Lawyer.</p>
|
|
<p>Ok but I got two words for you Jerry Seinfeld...( censored beep)...You</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How could she say that on TV?.. And how did she get a cable
|
|
special . I 've never gotten a</p>
|
|
<p>cable special.....well that's it I'm not giving her any more material.
|
|
We are incommunicado.</p>
|
|
<p>( to the silent Kramer on the couch beside him) ...Exactly.</p>
|
|
<p>At Peterman's office, next day. Elaine posted her cartoon on her
|
|
door.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Check it out, from the new issue of the New Yorker...huh!...Funny
|
|
isn't it? ( Dugan shrugs)</p>
|
|
<p>Look at it, the pig wants to be taller and what's this guy gonna
|
|
say?.. he he...Nothin'..he he.</p>
|
|
<p>Peterman: Elaine, I'm afraid I have incurred yet another flat tire.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Can I fix that after lunch sir?</p>
|
|
<p>Peterman: Oh! no right away , chop, chop........Oh! a new cartoon....."I
|
|
wish I was taller (hearty laugh)</p>
|
|
<p>I'd like to see that complaint get rectified. (more laughs and
|
|
he leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (to Dugan ) You see? You see? Smart people think this is
|
|
funny and you want to know why?</p>
|
|
<p>'Cause I wrote it.</p>
|
|
<p>Dugan: You shouldn't make fun of pigs. ( he leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>Peterman (returns) Flash of lightning Elaine I just realized why
|
|
I like this cartoon so much.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh! Do tell sir?</p>
|
|
<p>Peterman It's a Ziggy!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: A Ziggy?</p>
|
|
<p>Peterman: That irreverence , that wit I'd recognize it anywhere.
|
|
Some charlatan has stolen a Ziggy and</p>
|
|
<p>passed it off as his own. I can prove it. Quick Elaine , to my
|
|
archives.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>In a restaurant later that evening.</p>
|
|
<p>George: You know , you know what's great about our relationship?...It's
|
|
not about looks.</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: It's not?</p>
|
|
<p>George; No , Can't be...For instance I remember when we first met
|
|
, we had a great conversation.</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: I remember you said I was the prettiest girl at the party.</p>
|
|
<p>George: ....But after that we really talked didn't we?</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: Well ,you told me how familiar I looked and that you must
|
|
have seen me somewhere before.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Na....no ... This relationship he..he..has got to be about
|
|
something and fast or I'm in very </p>
|
|
<p>serious and weird trouble....hum What else happened?</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: You asked for a piece of gum because you thought your breath
|
|
smelled like hummus.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Aw right YES! GUM! Good enough I'll take it.</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: I like gum.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I do too. you see that's what we're about . You don't remind
|
|
me of anyone and we love gum.</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: I have gum in my hair.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm losin' it</p>
|
|
<p>Back to Monks</p>
|
|
<p>Sally (joining Kramer)Hey! Your Jerry's friend. You're Goofy ,
|
|
mind if I sit. My show is going really well.</p>
|
|
<p>Have you seen it yet? you should. Everybody else have and you know
|
|
what? I got recognized the other day,</p>
|
|
<p>How weird is that. I know . At first I liked the attention but
|
|
it's like Whoa!! take three steps back ,</p>
|
|
<p>Get a life, okay. but then there wouldn't be a Sally Weaver without
|
|
the fans, know what I mean.</p>
|
|
<p>But who am I? anyway. I mean there's Sally weaver the woman , Sally
|
|
Weaver the artist , Sally Weaver the person...</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (loudly) Now you gotta shut up!.....(Sally is speechless)...I'm
|
|
sorry, I..I haven't spoken in days.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Well , lay it on me string bean.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Janet's apt. She is in the bedroom.</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: Let me get this gum out of my hair and then I'll be ready
|
|
for bed.</p>
|
|
<p>George: OK Look , the gum isn't cutting it for me. We need to be
|
|
about something else...anything..please.</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: George.</p>
|
|
<p>George turns around to see Janet with short Jerry like hair and
|
|
a jerry like blue shirt.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Your hair?</p>
|
|
<p>Janet: Well I had to cut the gum out and I had a little trouble
|
|
getting it even. So why don't you get undressed</p>
|
|
<p>George. ( George speeds out the door)</p>
|
|
<p>George: George is in big trouble....</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>At Jerry's the next day.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You ripped off a Ziggy?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It must've seeped up my subconscious , Puddy has Ziggy
|
|
bed sheets....D'you read the comics today?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I see that Ziggy's back at the complaint department.. "The
|
|
New Yorker is stealing my ideas."</p>
|
|
<p>ha ha ha See that's funny.....'cause it's real.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer comes in</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey look it ;Sally's cable show's on ( Kramer turns around
|
|
to leave)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey! Kramer come on in. You've got to watch this , now she's
|
|
got nothing.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: (on TV) Master of Evil Jerry Seinfeld has broke off all
|
|
contacts with me.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: That's right sister. Why don't you just give up?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why are you yelling at the TV?</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: ..OK get this; I heard he makes his best friend date women
|
|
that look just like him.Hello issues..</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Elaine , have you been talking to her?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey! I'm just a fan..ha ha...</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Oh and speaking of issues . Guess who got a no-polish manicure
|
|
and begged his</p>
|
|
<p>neighbor not to tell anyone?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: ( to Kramer) I thought you stopped talking??</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: ...All right ..Starting now......</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Credits</p>
|
|
<p>Epilogue at Monks</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You broke up with her just because she cut her hair! how
|
|
short?</p>
|
|
<p>George: like that ( looking at Jerry)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You mean like.. ( points to his hair)</p>
|
|
<p>George; ..That.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So she..</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes..</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: And you don't...</p>
|
|
<p>George: Nooo...</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry; So...</p>
|
|
<p>George: Exactly..</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hmmmm...</p>
|
|
<p>George: We...must never ever speak of this again..</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No , no......( long pause . they stare at the walls) Hey
|
|
uh.. you want to see a movie?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Actually I think I'm gonna take a few days off ( starts
|
|
to leave)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I think that's for the best.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>End</p>
|
|
<p>
|
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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