1507 lines
58 KiB
HTML
1507 lines
58 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Comeback</h1>
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<p align="center"><br>
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Transcribed by: (Mazzy) Mark Brockbank Barrow-in-Furness, UK<br>
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Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site <br>
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<small>(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credit
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is given to the transcriber and this site)</small></p>
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<p><br>
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Episode Number: 147<br>
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Original Air Date: January 30, 1997<br>
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<br>
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Written by: Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin<br>
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Directed by: David Owen Trainor<br>
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<br>
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Guest Cast:<br>
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Mark Harelik (Milos)<br>
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Ben Stein (Shellbach)<br>
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Joel Polis (Reilly)<br>
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Ivana Milavich (Patty)<br>
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Danny Strong (Vincent)<br>
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Richard Livingston (Bill)<br>
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Charles Kahlenberg (Fred)<br>
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Stan Sellers (McAdam)<br>
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Peggy Mannix (Woman)<br>
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Fatima Love (Secretary)<br>
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Nancy Linehan Charles (Woman Executive)<br>
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Jeff Hatz (Manager (Gene))<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[Yankee Stadium, Conference Room]<br>
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<br>
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A group of staff, including George, are gathered round the table. There's
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a<br>
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bunch of food on the table. Most people have a small plate with a few
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salad<br>
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leaves on it in front of them. George is picking shrimp off a platter,<br>
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dipping them in some sort of sauce, and stuffing his face with them, about
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as<br>
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fast as he can manage.<br>
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<br>
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BILL: Well, if the big man wants a new scoreboard, I don't wanna be the
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one<br>
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to tell him no.<br>
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<br>
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REILLY: No-one in the park is gonna be able to see it from there.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: (through a mouthful of shrimp) Well, why don't we just put a monitor<br>
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in his skybox?<br>
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<br>
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REILLY: Hey George, the ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.<br>
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<br>
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Everyone at the table starts laughing uproariously at Reilly's joke. George<br>
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looks upset, and barely forces half a sick smile past his mouthful of<br>
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seafood.<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[George's Car]<br>
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<br>
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George drives along. He's fuming at Reilly's dig.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: (angry, to himself) The ocean called. Running outta shrimp. Outta<br>
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shrimp! (a thought occurs) Oh! Yes! That's what I shoulda said! (frustrated<br>
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shout) Dammit!<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[New York Health & Racquet Club]<br>
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<br>
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George and Jerry come along a corridor. They're carrying bags and<br>
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paraphernalia indicating they've been playing tennis.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: 'The ocean called, They're running outta shrimp'?<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I said to him, 'Oh yeah? Well, the
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jerk<br>
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|
store called, and they're running outta you.'<br>
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<br>
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Jerry and George halt at a bench by the entrance to the pro shop. Jerry<br>
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rummages in his bag, producing an old-fashioned wooden framed tennis racquet.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: (smiling) Really? That's great. You said that to him?<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: (confessing) Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Oh. That's not quite the same.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: No. No it's not. You don't know this guy. It woulda been so sweet.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: I'm gonna grab a can of balls.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: Right.<br>
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<br>
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George heads on down the corridor. Jerry walks into the pro shop, carrying<br>
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his gear. There are a few customers browsing. Milos (East European, tracksuit<br>
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wearing, slicked back hair with pony tail) comes over to Jerry.<br>
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<br>
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MILOS: Hello. My name is Milos. How can I help you.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: I need a can of balls.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry stands before the counter, holding the old-fashioned racquet. Milos<br>
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reaches under the counter and pulls out a can of tennis balls.<br>
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<br>
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MILOS: Can of balls for the nice guy, alri...<br>
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<br>
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Milos stops and stares disapprovingly at Jerry's racquet.<br>
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<br>
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MILOS: ...Ahh. You don't plan to hit these balls with that racquet, do
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you?<br>
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|
<br>
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Jerry looks surprised.<br>
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|
<br>
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<br>
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[Champagne Video]<br>
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|
<br>
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Inside a typical small video rental store, Elaine stands before a rack
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marked<br>
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|
'Staff Picks'. Individual shelves are labelled 'Elizabeth', 'Gene', and<br>
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'Vincent', amongst others. Elaine is reading the back of a video box,
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when<br>
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Kramer comes up behind her.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: Checking out the staff picks, Miss Benes?<br>
|
|
<br>
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ELAINE: Oh. (laughs) Ha-ha. Hey. Yeah, yeah. (indicating shelf) This Vincent<br>
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|
guy, he is the best. He and I have the exact same taste in movies.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: Oh, Vincent is an art-house goon. I stick to the Gene rack.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: Gene? Oh, it's so stupid and mainstream.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: (indicates 'Gene' shelf) I've seen all these, so I went with a
|
|
Kramer<br>
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|
pick.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Kramer holds up a video for Elaine's inspection.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: (reading) 'The Other Side Of Darkness'. Huh, I never heard of
|
|
that<br>
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|
one.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Yeah, went straight to video.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Elaine looks upon this as a negative.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: (positive) That makes me the premiere.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Kramer takes his cassette toward the counter.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: (gets Kramer's point) Hah.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
<br>
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|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is talking seriously to Jerry, whilst holding a piece of paper.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Jerry, have you ever seen the movie The Other Side Of Darkness?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No. <img src="http://tinyurl.com/2rau">
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|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: It's about this woman, in a coma. Well, I couldn't finish watching<br>
|
|
it, so I want you to read this.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer hands the piece of paper to Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (reading) 'I, Cosmo Kramer, having just seen the movie The Other
|
|
Side<br>
|
|
Of Darkness, and not wanting to be in a coma like that lady in the movie,<br>
|
|
hereby want Jerry Seinfeld to remove my life support, feeding machine,<br>
|
|
lung-blower, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Can you do that for me, buddy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, I don't if what you have here constitutes a legally binding<br>
|
|
document.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, I'm gonna type it up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yes, well, of course, but, even so, you may wanna talk to a lawyer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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|
KRAMER: Yeah, but, Jackie Chiles, he put a restraining order on me.<br>
|
|
(frustrated) I'm not allowed within two hundred feet of his office. I<br>
|
|
couldn't even give him his Christmas present.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Jerry nods sympathetically. Kramer spots something on the table.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Oh, hey, new racquet, huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah. (hands racquet to Kramer) I wasn't gonna get it, but this
|
|
guy<br>
|
|
Milos, who runs the pro shop, he really recommended it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer takes a few practice strokes with the racquet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: In fact, it's the only racquet he plays with.<br>
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|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (picking up Jerry's old racquet) Well, you're not gonna need this
|
|
any<br>
|
|
more.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Kramer deposits the old wooden racquet in Jerry's trash. Jerry notices<br>
|
|
something about the piece of paper Kramer gave him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (accusingly) Hey, this is the zee page of my address book.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (explaining) Oh yeah, I put all your zees on the weights and measures<br>
|
|
page.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer swings the new racquet again, making ball-smashing sound effects.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine sits up in bed, watching her video rental. She dabs a tear from
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|
her<br>
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|
eye, and sniffs.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: (emotional) Oh. Oh, bravo, Vincent. Bravo. (sniffs)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The phone rings. Elaine reaches over and picks up, not happy at being<br>
|
|
interrupted.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): Did you enjoy the movie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Who is it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): It's Vincent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Of Vincent's picks?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): The same.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine smiles excitedly.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
<br>
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|
[Tennis Club]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine and Jerry have been playing tennis at a different club from the
|
|
one we<br>
|
|
saw earlier. They're packing away their stuff. At another court, behind
|
|
them,<br>
|
|
a guy in baseball cap and dark glasses is playing truly awful tennis.
|
|
He's<br>
|
|
missing the ball, falling over, flailing wildly with his racquet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: He called you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: He musta got my number off the computer. We ended up talking for,<br>
|
|
like, two hours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: To a guy you've never met? (mild sarcasm) Your screening process
|
|
is<br>
|
|
getting ever more rigorous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine sticks out her tongue at Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Trying to meet him. He's never at the video store. They said he
|
|
sets<br>
|
|
his own hours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A tennis ball bounces by Elaine, and she grabs it. The terrible player
|
|
from<br>
|
|
the other court shouts over.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PLAYER (O.C.): Little help, hey!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (tossing the ball back) Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PLAYER: Thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The ball Elaine tossed back eludes the player's grasp, misses his racquet
|
|
and<br>
|
|
bounces away past him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (laughing to Jerry) Oh god, that guy's terrible.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (pulling on a jacket) Mmm-hmm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The terrible player continues to swing ineffectually at easy balls in
|
|
the<br>
|
|
background.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hey, how come we played at this crummy place instead of your club?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: George used up all my guest passes already.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PLAYER: Ahh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A ball bounces past Elaine, and Jerry grabs it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Come on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PLAYER: Thank you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The awful player comes over to get the ball back. As he approaches, he<br>
|
|
removes his sunglasses and wipes his brow with his forearm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (tossing the ball) Here you go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The player catches the ball and raises his head, so we can see his face.
|
|
It's<br>
|
|
Milos, the guy who sold Jerry his new racquet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (disbelief) Milos?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (shock) Oh, hey. (puts sunglasses back on) How you doing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Milos looks guilty, and shouts across to his playing partner as he walks
|
|
away<br>
|
|
from Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: Okay, we should uh, wrap it up here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Milos bounces the ball on the court and tries to hit it over the net.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
fails, despite being no more than four feet from the net. Jerry looks
|
|
down at<br>
|
|
his new racquet, thoughtfully.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine and Jerry have just arrived from the tennis club, and are putting<br>
|
|
their stuff on the table. Elaine is removing her coat.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So he was bad. What d'you care?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Elaine, I paid two hundred dollars for this racquet, because he
|
|
said<br>
|
|
it's the only one he plays with. He could've played just as well with
|
|
a log.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The door opens and Kramer enters, smartly dressed, with a suit and tie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey. Right, I talked to this lawyer guy, Shellbach. Now, he's
|
|
gonna<br>
|
|
set me up, but you gotta come with me and be the executor.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: The executor? Of what?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Kramer wants to die with dignity.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: There's a feather in your cap.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I don't wanna be a vegetable, Elaine. I just want out. (snaps<br>
|
|
fingers)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The door opens and George wanders in, looking pleased with himself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Sometimes in life, the gods smile upon you, my friends.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: D'you get someone to take that Canadian quarter?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I got another meeting with Reilly. A whole new audience, and I
|
|
bet I<br>
|
|
can get him to try that line again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Who's Reilly?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: George was scarfing shrimp at this meeting, and this guy says 'Hey,<br>
|
|
George, the ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine laughs, loud and long, causing Jerry and Kramer to smile and laugh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Listen to the comeback. (pleased) 'Oh yeah? Well the jerk store<br>
|
|
called. They're running outta you.'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George smiles and looks expectant. The other three just stare at him,
|
|
with<br>
|
|
varying levels of confusion in their expressions.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (worked up) Wha...You gotta be kidding me?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: How 'bout this one? How 'bout, 'Your cranium called. It's got
|
|
some<br>
|
|
space to rent.'?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine laughs, and Jerry smiles.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (confused) What does that mean?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (taps George's chest) Hey, here you go. 'Hey, Reilly. The zoo called.<br>
|
|
You're due back by six.'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (frustrated) No. No, no, no. You're not helping me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll kill him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (shouting) I'm not looking for another line. I got the line.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Look, George, just think about it. You know, you're married, how<br>
|
|
would you feel if somebody says to you that they just had se...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (really animated) Alright, alright. You see? This is why I hate<br>
|
|
writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions, and
|
|
it<br>
|
|
all gets homogenised, and you lose the whole edge of it. I'm going with
|
|
jerk<br>
|
|
store! Jerk store is the line! Jerk store! Yess!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George walks out the door. The other three watch him go. Kramer walks
|
|
over<br>
|
|
and looks out the door after George, then returns and spots Jerry's old<br>
|
|
racquet on a stool.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (picking the racquet up) Did you take this out of the garbage?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, it's still got some spring in the strings.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, Jerry, this is a piece of junk. (drops racquet in the trash)
|
|
How<br>
|
|
are you gonna be the executor of my living will?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry retrieves the racquet from the trash.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (indicating) You see? You can't let go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Trust me, Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I wish I could believe you. Hey, Elaine, do you have some free
|
|
time<br>
|
|
tomorrow afternoon?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, because you're perfect. You're a calculating, cold-hearted<br>
|
|
businesswoman. And when there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind<br>
|
|
stomping on a few throats.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (smiling, flattered) Oh, ho, c'mon.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Lawyer's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer and Elaine sit before a desk, behind which sits Shellbach the lawyer,<br>
|
|
who has a large list in front of him, from which he's reading. Kramer
|
|
looks<br>
|
|
nervous, while Elaine is tapping at a soda can, looking bored.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SHELLBACH: Situation number four. You're breathing on your own, you're<br>
|
|
conscious, but with no muscular function.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, would I be able to communicate?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SHELLBACH: I don't see how.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ach, I don't like the sound of this one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Huhh, yeah, let's pull the cord.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yank it like (pops open soda can) you're starting a mower.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SHELLBACH: Moving on. You have liver, kidneys and gall bladder, but no<br>
|
|
central nervous system.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer looks at Elaine, who gives a double thumbs-down.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, I gotta have a central nervous system.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SHELLBACH: Okay. One lung, blind and you're eating through a tube.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Naw, that's not my style.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Bore-ing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SHELLBACH: Alright, you can eat. But machines do everything else.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (hesitant) Uhm...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer looks to Elaine, who nods.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I'd stick.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. Stick. (to Elaine) 'Cos I could still go to the coffee<br>
|
|
shop.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (points to Kramer and smiles in agreement) That's right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New York Health & Racquet Club]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A grim-looking Jerry stalks into the pro shop and over to the counter
|
|
to be<br>
|
|
met by a nervous and apologetic Milos.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello Milos.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: Jerry, thank god you got my message. Thank you so much for coming
|
|
down<br>
|
|
here. Uhm, listen...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (animated) You know, I spent two hundred dollars on a racquet because<br>
|
|
I thought you knew what you were talking about.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: I..I...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You can't even play.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: Believe me, it is Milos great shame. But Jerry, I could lose my<br>
|
|
business if anybody find out. How would you like extra year membership
|
|
of the<br>
|
|
club? Free. No charge.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You could do that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: Jerry, for you, anything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry looks happier. Milos walks away behind the scenes somewhere. Jerry<br>
|
|
looks round the store and exchanges smiles with a beautiful woman who's<br>
|
|
trying on a visor. After a few moments, Milos returns, looking rueful.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (indicating the woman) Game, set and match, huh Milos?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (apologetic) Hah, Jerry, I am so sorry. they tell me there is no
|
|
way<br>
|
|
they can do it. (meek) Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything
|
|
at<br>
|
|
all. I refund your money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (animated) You know what Milos, I don't even care about the money.
|
|
I<br>
|
|
just feel like I was taken by the worst tennis player I...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: Shhh-shhh. (whispers) I make it up to you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (doubtful) Yeah, you'll make it up to me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry turns away and walks toward the door. As he passes the beautiful
|
|
woman,<br>
|
|
he speaks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Tennis, anyone?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The woman smiles at Jerry's flirtation. Jerry leaves, and Milos looks
|
|
after<br>
|
|
him, worried.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Champagne Video]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer and Elaine stand before the 'Staff Picks' rack again. Elaine picks
|
|
a<br>
|
|
video off the 'Vincent' rack.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh, this is the one Vincent told me about. The Pain And The Yearning.<br>
|
|
(reads from the box) 'An old woman experiences pain and yearning.' A hundred<br>
|
|
and ninety-two minutes?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: That's a lotta yearning, huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You know, these movies are great, but they're just so emotionally<br>
|
|
exhausting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, well, what you need is some summertime adolescent high jinx.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (looking at 'Gene' rack) See what doctor Gene prescribes, huh?
|
|
(pulls<br>
|
|
down a cassette) Oh, here, look at that. Weekend At Bernies Two. Now,
|
|
that's<br>
|
|
an hilarious premise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (laughs) Huh. (looks from tape to tape) Well...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah. (taps the Weekend At Bernie's II box)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah, I could use a chuckle.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine returns the 'Vincent' pick to the shelf and walks toward the counter<br>
|
|
with the Bernie's tape.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (approving) Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What're you getting?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
KRAMER: Nothing, I'm gonna finish watching The Other Side Of Darkness.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh. How much you got left?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, about two hours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine does a double-take at this.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, she shot in that coma pretty quick.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine sits up in bed, watching her video. She's not enjoying it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (at TV screen) Bernie is dead, you moron! (frustration) Just because<br>
|
|
he's wearing sunglasses he looks alive?! (picks up video box) Ugh, how
|
|
long<br>
|
|
is this weekend, anyway? (reads from label) Ugh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The phone rings, and Elaine picks up, glad of the interruption.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): (accusing) How's the movie. Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Vincent?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): (betrayed) The Gene pick. How could you? I thought we
|
|
had<br>
|
|
something special.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (defensive) No, it doesn't mean anything. I'm not even gonna rewind<br>
|
|
it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There is a click as Vincent hangs up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Vincent?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Yankee Stadium, Conference Room]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The table is ringed with employees again, and there is more food. George
|
|
is<br>
|
|
stuffing his face with shrimp, just as before. There are a couple of empty<br>
|
|
seats. One more guy (Fred) enters, and moves to sit at the table.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRED: Alright, let's get to it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Wha..wait a minute, wha..what about Reilly?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRED: Reilly doesn't work here any more.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (surprise) What? I..I didn't hear about that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRED: Oh, we only wake you up for the important meetings.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Everyone at the table collapses into laughter at George's expense. Again,<br>
|
|
George do nothing but look upset at the turn of events.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Street]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry is walking along the street, when he encounters the beautiful woman<br>
|
|
from the pro shop, who appears to have been waiting from him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello. Didn't I see you at the pro shop yesterday?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: I think so. I'm Patty. Milos gave me your address. I hope you don't<br>
|
|
mind me waiting for you here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (to himself) Hoh, that Milos. (to Patty) Well uh, what shall we
|
|
do,<br>
|
|
uhm, care for a cup of coffee?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: Why don't we just go up to your apartment?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (surprised) Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Patty strolls past Jerry, and indicates he should follow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (to himself) Gotta be an easier way.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry turns to follow Patty.</p>
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
Transcribed by: (Mazzy) Mark Brockbank Barrow-in-Furness, UK<br>
|
|
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is playing the rest of The Other Side Of Darkness. The soundtrack
|
|
can<br>
|
|
be heard from the TV.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NURSE (O.C.): Doctor, how's her coma?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DOCTOR (O.C.): Oh, exactly the same.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer enters the room, with a bowl of spaghetti. He sits on the couch
|
|
to<br>
|
|
watch the movie, and lifts a big forkful into his mouth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DOCTOR (O.C.): Wait a minute, she's coming out of the coma.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer stops chewing and stares wide-eyed at the TV screen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
DOCTOR (O.C.): Mrs Allbright, can you hear me? Are you okay?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ALLBRIGHT (O.C.): (bright and cheerful) I feel so rested and refreshed.
|
|
Get<br>
|
|
me a toothbrush.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer continues to stare at the screen, stunned by the outcome of the
|
|
movie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry hands a drink to Patty as she stands by the kitchen counter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So, you play tennis?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: (putting the glass down on the counter) Enough talk, Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Patty advances on Jerry, sexily. Jerry looks somewhat surprised.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Not for me, I love chatting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: (putting her hand to Jerry's face) Shh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Patty leans toward Jerry, as though to kiss him. Just as she's about to
|
|
kiss,<br>
|
|
she breaks away.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: (anguished) No! No, I can't do this. (moving away) I can't go through<br>
|
|
with it. (sitting on the couch) Not even for him!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Who?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PATTY: (cries) Milos. My husband!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (shocked) Your husband?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Patty puts her face down on the couch, weeping. Jerry, puts his hands
|
|
up in<br>
|
|
the air, in a gesture of total disbelief.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George sits on the couch, just making sure he's got Jerry's story straight.<br>
|
|
Jerry listens.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So concerned was he, that word of his poor tennis skills might
|
|
leak<br>
|
|
out, he chose to offer you his wife as some sort of mediaeval sexual payola?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (explanation) He's new around here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (hopeful) So, details?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (walking away) Well, I didn't sleep with her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Because of society, right?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (weary) Yes, George, because of society. So how did the big meeting<br>
|
|
turn out?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry is getting some sort of candy bar out of a packet on the counter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Reilly is no longer with the club. (getting up) You believe that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George wanders over into the kitchen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ah, you're better off. Now you can just let it go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks in the fridge.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah, I'm gonna let it go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You never really had the right comeback, anyway.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George jerks out of the fridge, slamming the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (animated) Are you insane? Jerk store, woulda smoked that guy!
|
|
Smoked<br>
|
|
him, I say.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George walks back into the living room and picks up a newspaper. The door<br>
|
|
opens and Kramer enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey. Oh, Jerry, listen uh, you know, I saw the rest of that movie,<br>
|
|
The Other Side Of Darkness? The coma lady wakes up at the end.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (frustrated) Ohh, I wanted to see that. (waves his arms in<br>
|
|
frustration) Thanks. Thanks a lot.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George stalks away into the bathroom, and slams the door behind him.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I didn't know it was possible to come out of a coma.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I didn't know it was possible not to know that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE (O.C.): (from bathroom) How was Eric Roberts as the husband?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (shouting back) Oh, unforgettable.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE (O.C.): (disappointed) Oww.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (nervous) I gotta find Elaine. Y'know, she's gonna pull my plug.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer opens the door and exits hurriedly.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Champagne Video]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine walks over the 'Vincent' rack, where she finds nothing but copies
|
|
of a<br>
|
|
video called Betrayed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What? Betrayed? Oh, Vincent, I'm so sorry. I...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer enters the store and hurries over to Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, listen, uh, Elaine, I've changed my mind about the whole
|
|
coma<br>
|
|
thing. (positive) Yeah, I decided I'm up for it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Kramer, do you have any idea what you've done?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The store manager comes over and squeezes past Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MANAGER: Excuse me.<br>
|
|
<img src="http://tinyurl.com/2rau">
|
|
<br>
|
|
The manager removes the 'Vincent' label from the shelf and replaces it
|
|
with<br>
|
|
another name.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What're you doing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The manager walks back to behind the counter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Wha..wha...?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MANAGER: Vincent stopped making picks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (upset) Well, how am I gonna know what movies to see?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MANAGER: We have a wide variety of Gene picks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (dismissive) Gene's trash.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MANAGER: I'm Gene.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine looks sick at her error. Kramer smiles and raises his eyebrows.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (forcing a smile) Hi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[New York Health & Racquet Club]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A subdued Milos is behind the counter, before which stands Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Milos, I can assure you, I had no intention of telling anyone about<br>
|
|
your unbelievably bad tennis playing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (not cheered) Thank you, but, unfortunately, I have much larger<br>
|
|
problems to fry. My wife, she has no respect for Milos anymore.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I guess that's a risk you run when you dabble in the flesh trade.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: Patty, she, she loves tennis, as much like I do. (hopeful) Wou..would<br>
|
|
you, wi..will you let me beat you in tennis? That is the only way I can
|
|
show<br>
|
|
her I am still a man.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (reluctant) Well, I'll do it as long as there's no other girls
|
|
around.<br>
|
|
I mean, I wanna be a man too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Elaine sit in a booth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So you hurt Vincent's feelings?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (handing Jerry an envelope) Look what came in the mail today.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (taking the envelope) Wh..What's this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry opens the envelope and shakes a small object out onto his palm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: It's the play button, off his VCR.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (examining the button) Boy, look how far back it goes. It's like
|
|
a<br>
|
|
tooth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George enters and strolls over to the booth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (sitting) So, guess where Mr 'Ocean phoned' turned up? He's working<br>
|
|
for Firestone, in Akron, Ohio.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ohio? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yep. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (nonplused) You're flying to Akron, just to zing a guy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Don't you understand? It's not about him. To have a line as perfect<br>
|
|
as 'jerk store' and to never use it. I, I couldn't live with myself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: See, there are no jerk stores. It..it's just a little confusing,
|
|
is<br>
|
|
all.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (adamant) It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will<br>
|
|
appreciate it. (shouting) And, I'm not gonna dumb it down for some bonehead<br>
|
|
mass audience!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George realises that everyone in the coffee shop is staring over at him,
|
|
and<br>
|
|
has heard his shouts.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (waving apologetically) Not you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine is again sitting up in bed, watching a video. (My guess is it's
|
|
The<br>
|
|
Pain And The Yearning.) The soundtrack can be heard.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
OLD WOMAN (O.C.): Oh, brittle bones. How I long to be rid of the pain.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The phone rings and Elaine picks up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): Elaine? It's Vincent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (surprised) Vincent. (pleading) Where are you? I have to meet
|
|
you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): No. I can't bear to have anyone see me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Vincent, listen, I won't judge you the way everyone else does.<br>
|
|
You're, you're strange and beautiful, and sensitive. (blunter) Now, let's<br>
|
|
have a look at you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT (O.C.): (relenting) Alright, but, can you bring me few things
|
|
from<br>
|
|
the store? I haven't been out in a while.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer's Car]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer drives along the street, very slowly. He's got traffic stacked
|
|
up<br>
|
|
behind him and horns blare as cars manoeuvre around him. Kramer is hunched<br>
|
|
over the steering wheel, looking nervous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (indicating that cars should pass him) Well, go around, you bunch
|
|
of<br>
|
|
crazies. You maniacs are gonna get us all killed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Lawyer's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer stands expectantly in the office. A secretary enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SECRETARY: Hi, can I help you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm Cosmo Kramer. Yeah, I had an appointment to
|
|
annul<br>
|
|
my living will.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
SECRETARY: Oh. (looks at her watch) Mr Kramer, you had a ten-thirty<br>
|
|
appointment. It's two o'clock. Mr Shellbach had a tennis lesson. He's
|
|
gone<br>
|
|
for the day.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer looks anxious again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Tennis Club]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Milos are playing at the other tennis club. They are watched
|
|
by a<br>
|
|
small number of people, including Patty. Milos delivers a weak underarm<br>
|
|
serve, and Jerry makes no effort to return it, merely wafting his racquet<br>
|
|
vaguely in the direction of the ball.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Too good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (triumphant shout) Another game for Milos!! Hahaha!<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Milos walks to the net to meet Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You're on fire today.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (shouting over) Hey Patty. look at this guy. He's awful!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Patty blows Milos a kiss.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (milking it) He's not a man, this Jerry. He's not even married
|
|
like I<br>
|
|
am. (laughs) Huhuhuhu.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (quietly) Hey, uh, Milos, I don't mind rolling over here, but could<br>
|
|
you lighten up on the 'not a man' stuff?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (shouting) Hey everybody, look! The little chicken girl wants me
|
|
to<br>
|
|
ease up. He can't handle this, so he cries like a woman! (laughs evilly)<br>
|
|
Hahaha!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Milos strides away to continue the game, leaving Jerry looking rueful.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Outside Vincent's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine walks down a hallway, carrying a large grocery bag. She reads numbers<br>
|
|
off doors until she spots the one she wants. She gives a smile, flicks
|
|
her<br>
|
|
hair a little, and knocks at the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hello? Vincent?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The door cracks open a few inches, but it's completely dark inside, so
|
|
the<br>
|
|
occupant can't be seen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT: Elaine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I got what you asked.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT: Just, leave it and go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: W..well, can't I come in?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT: No. Go away. Now.<br>
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Transcribed by: (Mazzy) Mark Brockbank Barrow-in-Furness, UK<br>
|
|
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site </p>
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
Elaine leans forward so her face is right into the open door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (pleading) No, no. Vincent, I... Don't shut me out. (beseeching)
|
|
I<br>
|
|
just, I know you feel what I feel.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A woman comes up behind Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: Excuse me. Can I help you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT: Aw, dammit!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (confused) Uh, uhm, I'm, I'm here to see Vincent.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: Well, I'm his mother. (stern) Vincent, what's going on here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The woman pushes the door wide open, revealing Vincent standing there.<br>
|
|
Vincent is a bespectacled, geeky, teen in a plaid shirt. He throws his
|
|
hands<br>
|
|
up to cover his face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VINCENT: (shrieks) No, my acne!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Vincent darts away from the door into the apartment. Elaine is open-mouthed<br>
|
|
in surprise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ahh-cnee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: (regarding the grocery bag) What d'you have here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Vincent's mother grabs the top of the bag and begins to rummage through
|
|
the<br>
|
|
contents.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: (disapproving) Vodka, cigarettes, fireworks. (accusing) What kind
|
|
of a<br>
|
|
sick woman brings this to a fifteen year old?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (sick smile) We have the same taste in movies.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: Did he send you part of our VCR?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine smiles and nods, and pulls at a chain she has round her neck. Threaded<br>
|
|
onto the chain is the VCR button Vincent sent her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Vincent's mother holds out her hand, and Elaine pulls the chain over her
|
|
head<br>
|
|
and hands it over.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WOMAN: (entering the apartment) Vincent!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine reaches into the grocery bag and extracts the bottle of vodka.
|
|
She<br>
|
|
drops the rest of the bag on the floor, and strolls away, swinging the
|
|
bottle<br>
|
|
like a club.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Tennis Club]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Milos are still playing. Jerry is still throwing the game, and<br>
|
|
Milos is still milking it. Jerry puts an easy return straight into the
|
|
court<br>
|
|
in front of himself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (pointing and shouting) Look at the big baby! (laughter) Hehaha.
|
|
(to<br>
|
|
Jerry) Hey, big baby, are you wetting yourself? Maybe it is time for you
|
|
to<br>
|
|
be changed. (laughter) Hahah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Patty laughs too, with the few other spectators. Jerry looks angry at
|
|
this<br>
|
|
constant derision.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (quietly) I told you to cut it out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry delivers a fierce serve which beats Milos, and almost hits him in
|
|
the<br>
|
|
face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MILOS: (quietly, to Jerry) Hey, c'mon, what're you doing? (to his audience)<br>
|
|
Huhuh. The baby got lucky on that one! Hahah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry walks back to deliver another serve. Kramer enters and looks around
|
|
for<br>
|
|
someone. On another court, Shellbach is facing an automatic serving machine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (waving) Shellbach.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Shellbach waves vaguely back to Kramer, who has begun to walk round the
|
|
room<br>
|
|
to get to him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Meanwhile, Jerry returns a shot to Milos, with some venom. Milos stretches<br>
|
|
desperately to try and reach it, but loses his grip on his racquet. The<br>
|
|
racquet arcs across the hall, watched by Patty, and then spotted by Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Racquet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The racquet plummets from the air and strikes the guy who is operating
|
|
the<br>
|
|
automatic serving machine for Shellbach. The guy is knocked unconscious
|
|
and,<br>
|
|
as he falls, he pushes against the machine, turning it to point at Kramer.<br>
|
|
Kramer stands transfixed, as it continues to launch balls at him. Several<br>
|
|
balls in rapid succession strike him in the head, until he slumps,<br>
|
|
unconscious, to the floor.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Insert]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Aeroplane landing, with a caption 'AKRON, OHIO'.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Firestone Boardroom, Akron]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A boardroom very much like that of the Yankees, but with a Firestone sign
|
|
on<br>
|
|
the wall. Several people sit around the table, including Reilly, and George,<br>
|
|
who is filling his face from a large dish of shrimp.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
REILLY: So, George. You're proposing a snow tyre day at Yankee Stadium?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (through a mouthful) Long as they don't throw 'em on the field.<br>
|
|
(laughs) Huhu. (indicating dish) Help yourself to some shrimp, I brought<br>
|
|
enough for everybody.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MCADAM: (doubtful) I have to say this, this proposal doesn't make a whole
|
|
lot<br>
|
|
of sense.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well, you never know. (picks up more shrimp) Let's see how many
|
|
I can<br>
|
|
fit in my mouth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George begins picking up shrimp one by one and stuffing them into his
|
|
mouth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
REILLY: (leaning forward) You know, George...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks up, expectantly.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
REILLY: The ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Everyone around the table laughs. Except for George, who looks triumphant.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
swallows, and uses a napkin to clean his fingers.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd06 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (standing) Oh yeah, Reilly? (smugly) Well, the jerk store called.<br>
|
|
They're running outta you<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
REILLY: (unperturbed) What's the difference? You're their all-time best<br>
|
|
seller!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Reilly and everyone else laughs even more than they did before. George
|
|
looks<br>
|
|
angry and frustrated, even on the verge of tears for a second, then something<br>
|
|
occurs to him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks round, smiling arrogantly, expecting laughter. But there
|
|
is a<br>
|
|
deep, uncomfortable, silence. Reilly, looks stony-faced. McAdam stands
|
|
and<br>
|
|
leans over to speak in George's ear.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MCADAM: His wife is in a coma.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks sick.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Hospital Room]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer lies in bed, asleep. Jerry sits in a chair, reading a newspaper.<br>
|
|
There's a knock at the door and Elaine enters, carrying a VCR.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (to Jerry) Hi. (indicating Kramer) How's he doing?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: He's been sleeping a lot. He's still groggy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Oh. (puts the VCR down) I thought a movie might cheer him up.
|
|
I got<br>
|
|
him a Gene pick.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What happened to Vincent?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (evasive) I'm kinda off of him. (looking around) Uh, outlet?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry points to the wall beside Kramer's bed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine walks over and sees both sockets are full. She takes hold of one
|
|
of<br>
|
|
the plugs and yanks it out of the socket with a grunt. The grunt wakes<br>
|
|
Kramer, who looks groggily around and sees Elaine standing holding the
|
|
plug,<br>
|
|
as if she's just unplugged his life support. He stares, bug-eyed and shrieks<br>
|
|
in terror.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (screaming) Waahhh!!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Insert]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A plane landing, with the caption 'NEW YORK, NEW YORK'.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[George's Car]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Once again, George drives along, frustrated and angry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: 'My wife's in a coma.' Yeah? Well, the life support machine called<br>
|
|
and...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He tails off, as he can't think of anywhere to go. Then a look of<br>
|
|
enlightenment comes to George's face, as he thinks of something.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (shouts) Wait! Yes! That's what I should've said! (frustration)<br>
|
|
D'ohh!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks gutted for a second, then a determined expression comes to
|
|
his<br>
|
|
face. He swings the car round with a squeal of tires, and heads back towards<br>
|
|
the airport.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (cocky laughter) Huh haha! (shouts) You're meat, Reilly! You just<br>
|
|
screwed yourself! (laughter) Ha ha!<br>
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|
<br>
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|
[END]</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Transcribed by: (Mazzy) Mark Brockbank Barrow-in-Furness, UK<br>
|
|
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site
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<br>
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<br>
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<p
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align="center"> </p>
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</div>
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<div id="navBar">
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<div id="upperBox">
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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}
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</script>
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</div>
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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function noSpam(user,domain) {
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locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
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window.location = locationstring;
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}
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-->
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</script>
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<div class="footer">
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<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
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</div>
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<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var _gaq = _gaq || [];
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_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
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_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
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var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
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ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
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var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
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