692 lines
38 KiB
HTML
692 lines
38 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Dog</h1>
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[Transcribed by Dave(ratboy)]</p>
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<p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
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Written by: Larry David<br />
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>Episode no. 21<br />
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pc: 303, season 3, episode 4<br />
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Broadcast date: October 9, 1991<br />
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>The Cast</p>
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<p>Regulars:<br />
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Jerry Seinfeld................... Jerry Seinfeld<br />
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Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza<br />
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes<br />
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Michael Richards................. Cosmo Kramer</p>
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<p>Guest Stars:</p>
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<p>Joseph Maher..................... Gavin Palone<br />
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Tom Williams..................... 'voice' of Farfel<br />
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Marvin Wright-Bey................ Attendant #1<br />
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Kelly Wellman.................... Attendant #2</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Opening monologue.</p>
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<p>So I'm on the plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up some<br />
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time in the air. I thought, well isn't that interesting. We'll just make up<br />
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time. That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when<br />
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they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the<br />
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aircraft. Now, my question is if you can go faster, why don't you just go as<br />
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fast as you can all the time? C'mon, there's no cops up here, nail it. Give it<br />
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some gas! We're flying!<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene. Jerry is on an airplane, seated beside a talkative (and inebriated)<br />
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man.</p>
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<p>Gavin: Travelling, of course, is the best education. Do you know last year I<br />
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was in over forty, forty-five countries, and I would have gone to more but I had<br />
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just got a puppy, and he was too young to take with me. But now I won't travel<br />
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without him.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Is he on the plane now?</p>
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<p>Gavin: Oh yes. Yes, he's in the, he's in the baggage compartment. I don't<br />
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know why they won't let him sit up here with me. He's a lot better behaved than<br />
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most of the dregs you find onboard here. Do you, do you have any pets?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Uh, just my next door neighbor.</p>
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<p>Gavin: You're missing out on a relationship that could enrich your life in ways<br />
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that you never could have thought possible.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Howbout picking up their, you know. You find that enriching?</p>
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<p>Gavin leans back in his seat wearing a pained expression.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What's the matter?</p>
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<p>Gavin: Oh, I'm feeling a bit queasy.<br />
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</p>
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<p>Cut to external shot of the plane in flight, then back into the cabin where<br />
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flight attendants are tending to Gavin, who is lying on the floor.<br />
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</p>
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<p>Attendant #1: Sir, we're gonna make an emergency landing in Chicago and get you<br />
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to a hospital.</p>
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<p>Gavin: My dog. What about my dog?</p>
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<p>Attendant #1: Uh, you have a dog?</p>
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<p>Attendant #2: Do you know anyone on the plane, Mr. Palone?</p>
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<p>Jerry stares out the window.</p>
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<p>Gavin: Jerry?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Huh? How you feeling?</p>
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<p>Gavin: Would you take care of Farfel?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Farfel?</p>
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<p>Attendant #2: It's his dog. We're landing in Chicago to get him to a hospital,<br />
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could you take his dog to New York?</p>
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<p>Jerry: The dog? The dog??</p>
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<p>Gavin: I'm sure it's only for a day or two.</p>
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<p>Jerry: But, you know, what if, you know?</p>
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<p>Gavin: Give me your address and phone number, I'll call you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: The dog?<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene. Jerry's apartment, he's got all of his furniture up and there's a<br />
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loud incessant barking coming from the bedroom. Jerry and Farfel are playing<br />
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'tug of war' with one of Jerry's sneakers. Elaine is in the kitchen.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Let go, Farfel! Let go, gimme that! Gimme the sneaker you stupid<br />
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idiot! Shut up! (to Elaine) So what would you do?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well it's only been three days, I'm sure he's gonna call.</p>
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<p>Jerry (to Farfel): STOP IT! SHUT UUUUUUP!!! (to Elaine) Do you believe this? <br />
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Do you believe what I'm dealing with here, I've got a wild animal in the house! <br />
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He's deranged, maybe he's got rabies. I can get lockjaw.</p>
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<p>Elaine: If only.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Look at this place. He's going everywhere, I can't go out of the house<br />
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at night. I haven't performed in three days. This'll be my first night out of<br />
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the house since I got back.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey, when you walk him, do ya...</p>
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<p>Jerry: Do I what?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Do you pick it up?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yes, I pick it up.</p>
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<p>Elaine: You pick it up?!?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well you have to.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, boy would I love to see that.</p>
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<p>Jerry: SHUT UP!! Shut up Farfel, stop it! (to Elaine) I don't know what to<br />
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do. I mean what if I take it to the pound then the guy shows up?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Maybe you should call the airline, they might know where he is.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I tried. they don't know anything. (notices Elaine making egg<br />
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creams) You gotta put the syrup in first.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No, milk.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm telling you the guy's a drunk, he's probably on a bender.</p>
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<p>Elaine: What is a bender anyhow?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't know, they drink and they bend things at the bar.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I can't believe he hasn't called.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Two hundred seats on a plane, I gotta wind up next to Yukon Jack and his<br />
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dog Cujo. Shut up! One more day and you are pound bound!</p>
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<p>Kramer enters.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Sorry, I can't watch the dog tonight.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Why?</p>
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<p>Elaine: We're going to the movies, we're gonna see Prognosis Negative.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I can't, I gotta get this Ellen out of my life.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You're breaking up?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh ho ho ho yeah, the sooner the better. I can't wait to do it. You<br />
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know how there's some people you worry about whether you're going to hurt their<br />
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feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to get it on video,<br />
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watch it in slow motion and freeze frame it. Oh ho, yeah.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Kramer, I don't know how you lasted as long as you did.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Woah, you didn't like her?</p>
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<p>Elaine: If you could see her personality it would be like one of the Elephant<br />
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Man exhibits, you know where they pull off the sheet and everyone gasps.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I can't believe someone hasn't killed her yet.</p>
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<p>Kramer: How come you never said anything?</p>
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<p>Jerry: You can't tell someone how you feel about their girlfriend until after<br />
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they stop seeing them.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I tell you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You. I'm talking about people.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Are we still going to the movies tonight?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I can't I gotta watch Farfel, you and George can go without me.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Just me and George?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Sure.</p>
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<p>Elaine: But we need you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What do you need me for?</p>
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<p>Jerry's buzzer buzzes.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Because... Yeah?</p>
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<p>George: Prognosis Negative!</p>
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<p>Elaine buzzes George into the building.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Because I relate to George through you, we're like friends-in-law. <br />
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Besides, you said we were gonna see Prognosis Negative together. Can't you just<br />
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put some newspapers down or something?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I can't trust him, he gets insane. I won't enjoy myself. That's<br />
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right, Farfel, I'm talking about you!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Just me and George alone?</p>
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<p>George enters.</p>
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<p>George: Let's go, people, let's go! It's Prognosis Negative time, wa ha ha<br />
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ha!!!</p>
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<p>Jerry: I can't go.</p>
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<p>George: Can't go, Why not?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Because I have to watch idiot Farfel.</p>
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<p>George: I thought Kramer was watching.</p>
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<p>Jerry: He's breaking up with his girlfriend tonight.</p>
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<p>George: Well so what's the problem, you just put some newspaper down.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I don't want that smell in the house.</p>
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<p>George: You spritz a little Lysol on it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, it's like BO and cologne, they combine forces into some kind of<br />
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strange mutant funk.</p>
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<p>George: So we're not going?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Nah. You two go.</p>
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<p>George: Oh. You still wanna go?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Do you?</p>
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<p>George: If you want.</p>
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<p>Elaine: It's up to you.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Go ahead.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, it's, I really wanted to see Prognosis Negative with Jerry, uh,<br />
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you wanna see Ponce de Leon?</p>
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<p>George: Ponce de Leon? Okay. (to Jerry) You sure you don't wanna go?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I want to but I can't.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh! I tell you what. How about if I come back here first and I clean<br />
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everything up and I open up the windows and if you're still not satisfied we can<br />
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switch apartments for the night.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No.</p>
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<p>George: What about this--</p>
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<p>Jerry: Forget it. Go ahead, you'll have a good time.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I know, it's not that.</p>
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<p>George: It's just we want you to go.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, thank you very much. I'm telling you, one more day stinkbreath!<br />
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</p>
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<p>On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs, and I always see them walking<br />
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along with their little poop bags, which to me is just the lowest function of<br />
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human life. If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they're gonna think<br />
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the dogs are the leaders. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a<br />
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poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume was in charge?<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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George and Elaine are at the coffee shop after seeing Ponce De Leon. They're<br />
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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obviously uncomfortable alone together.</p>
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<p>George: So how long did you live there?</p>
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<p>Elaine: About three years.</p>
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<p>George: That's pretty long.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hmm.</p>
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<p>George: It's not that long, really.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah. An uncomfortable silence ensues. They both speak at the same<br />
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time, then stop. Another silence.</p>
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<p>George: And then you came here.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah. So I've been here about six years.</p>
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<p>George (Counting on his fingers): Eighty-six, eighty-seven, eighty-eight,<br />
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eighty-nine, ninety, ninety-one... Yup.<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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Jerry vs. Farfel, part II</p>
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<p>Jerry: Bad dog! Bad dog! You go outside! Outside!! What do you want from<br />
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me? Tell me! Money, you want money? I'll give you money, how much?!<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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Kramer is breaking up with his girlfriend.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I must have been out of my mind. Look at you. Why don't you do<br />
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something with your life? Sit around here all day, you contribute nothing to<br />
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society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? <br />
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Couldn't respect myself.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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Monk's, Elaine and George are as bored as before.</p>
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<p>George: I like herbal tea.</p>
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<p>Elaine yawns.</p>
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<p>George: Chamomile's good. Lemon Lift. Almond Pleasure.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Jerry likes Morning Thunder.</p>
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<p>George: Jerry drinks Morning Thunder?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
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<p>George: Morning Thunder has caffeine in it, Jerry doesn't drink caffeine.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Jerry doesn't know Morning Thunder has caffeine in it.</p>
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<p>George: You don't tell him?</p>
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<p>Elaine (laughing): No. And you should see him, man, he gets all hyper, he<br />
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doesn't even know why, he loves it! He walks around, going, "God, I feel<br />
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great!"</p>
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<p>George (laughing): You don't tell him?</p>
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<p>Elaine: No.</p>
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<p>George: That is so funny!</p>
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<p>Elaine: I know!</p>
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<p>George: Wait, have you ever seen him throw up?!</p>
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<p>They both make the same convulsive gestures together and break out in more<br />
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laughter.<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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Kramer has had a change of heart.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Please! Please!! I take it all back, everything! I take it all back,<br />
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every word! I love you! I love *you*! I can't live without you, I'll do<br />
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anything!<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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Jerry's at his apartment, on the phone, Farfel is barking.</p>
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<p>Jerry: That's right, Gavin Palone. What? Are you sure? He was released on<br />
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Monday? *Last* Monday? Did he leave a phone number or address? Unbelievable. <br />
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Well thank you, thanks, thanks very much. (Hangs up) That's it, Farfel! <br />
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Party's over! Start packing up your little squeeze toys buddy boy, you're<br />
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checking out!<br />
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</p>
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<p>New scene.<br />
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Jerry and Elaine are cleaning Jerry's apartment.</p>
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<p>Elaine: It was weird because George and I get along so great in so many<br />
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situations but this is the first time we ever really went one-on-one.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, one-on-one's a whole different game. Can't pass off.</p>
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<p>Elaine: The only time it wasn't uncomfortable was when we were making fun of<br />
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you.</p>
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<p>Jerry (answering phone) Hello? Aha! Boy George, about time. Beautiful, how<br />
|
|
soon? Okay, here's the plan. We take the dog to the pound, we go right to the<br />
|
|
movies. Right, you, me and Elaine. Yes, all three of us. I am going. Okay,<br />
|
|
see you in five minutes.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry hangs up the phone and begins singing and dancing.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Going to the dog pound, everybody! Going to the dog pound, come on<br />
|
|
down. (To Elaine) What?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Do you have to?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What am I supposed to do? I don't want to do it. I like dogs. I'm not<br />
|
|
sure this is a dog.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You know, the guy might have just lost your number.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'm in the book and I have a machine.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry, do you know what they do to dogs at the pound? They keep them<br />
|
|
there for a week and then if nobody claims them, they kill them.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really? How late are they open?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer enters.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What is it?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I went back with Ellen.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Elaine: Ohhhhh, that's great.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Terrific.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, I really think you guys are good together.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes, she understands you and she is not demanding.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Do you think that I forgot what you two said about her?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I was just trying to be supportive, you know. I knew you were upset.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: From now on when we pass each other in the hall, I don't know you, you<br />
|
|
don't know me.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, Kramer, we didn't mean it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What are you doing?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'm getting my pot.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer grabs a put from under the counter and walks out.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Kramer, we like her.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Kramer? What did we say that's so bad?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I believe I referred to her personality as a potential science exhibit.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I said, "How come no one's killed her?" Probably shouldn't have said<br />
|
|
anything, everyone knows the first break-up never takes. (answers buzzer) <br />
|
|
Yeah?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Prognosis Negative!</p>
|
|
<p>Farfel begins barking.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Okay, Farfel, put your shoes on.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry, can't you just give it one more day, it's not his fault.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's not my dog, I don't know where this boozehound is.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Alright, I tell you what. How about if you and George go to the<br />
|
|
movies, and I stay here and watch the dog tonight.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I can't let you do that, what about Prognosis Negative?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: We'll see it Sunday.</p>
|
|
<p>George enters.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Tonight's the night, right? Prognosis Negative?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I'm not going, I'm gonna watch the dog.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What does this mean?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, we'll go see something else tonight. We'll see, uh, Ponce De<br />
|
|
Leon.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What is with this dog, I thought we were taking it to the pound.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: She talked me into one more day. Talk amongst yourselves, I'm gonna go<br />
|
|
to the bathroom.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Uh Jerry, how long will you be in there?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't know, regular human time?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Uh why don't you wait then go in the movies?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why shouldn't I go here?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, you know, I mean, sometimes it's good to get there and make sure<br />
|
|
you get your seats and then go to the bathroom.</p>
|
|
<p>George: And isn't it more fun using the urinal?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh yeah, urinals are fun. Can I go?!</p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey, go.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Who's stopping you?</p>
|
|
<p>George: What, are you doing me a favor?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Like we care if you go to the bathroom.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine and George, left alone together are obviously uncomfortable.</p>
|
|
<p>George: How's it going?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Good. Good. You?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Things are good.</p>
|
|
<p>After a pause, George starts whistling, then picks a chew toy off the floor and<br />
|
|
squeezes it towards Elaine, making a squeaking sound.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Boy, he takes such a long time.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I know.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You know what he does in there? He gargles.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Jerry gargles? Is that why he takes so long?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, he does it like six times a day.</p>
|
|
<p>George: How come we never hear him?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Because he does it quiet. He does it quiet. Lookit, Just like this,<br />
|
|
watch.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine gargles some water and they both break out in laughter.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Wait, wait, did you ever see him throw up?!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: We talked about that already.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh.<br />
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>New scene.<br />
|
|
Jerry and George are in line outside the Cine 66 theater.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I have nothing to say to anybody. I'm so uninteresting. I think I'm<br />
|
|
out of conversation.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So what are calling me six times a day?</p>
|
|
<p>George: All I know about is sports. That's it. No matter how depressed I get,<br />
|
|
I could always read the sports section.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I could read the sports section if my hair was on fire.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Know what? Ponce De Leon is sold out.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It is? Oh yeah, you're right. What else is playing?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Nothing except Prognosis Negative.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Boy, I know she really wants to see that with me.<br />
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>New scene.<br />
|
|
Elaine and Farfel are playing 'tug of war' with a jacket.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Gimme the jacket, furface, this is not Seinfeld you're dealing with! <br />
|
|
When I get through with you, you'll be begging to go to the pound!</p>
|
|
<p>The phone rings, Farfel begins barking.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Shut up. Shut up! (Answers phone) Hello? No, who's calling? Oh my<br />
|
|
god, the dog guy. Where have *you* been? Yeah, well you better pick up your<br />
|
|
dog tonight or he has humped his last leg.</p>
|
|
<p>Cut back to Jerry and George.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I mean, I could understand if there was something else playing, but<br />
|
|
it's this or nothing.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't know what to do.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What is this 'saving movies' thing? Something's playing, you go.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I know, I know.</p>
|
|
<p>George: So, what? We're gonna do nothing now, this is crazy.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It is kind of silly.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Of course it is.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I mean, it's just a movie, for god's sake.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Exactly.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's not like she's *in* the movie.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Right.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Am I supposed to ruin the whole night because she wants to see it? I<br />
|
|
mean, if I could have seen it with her, fine. But I can't control all these<br />
|
|
circumstances and schedules and peoples' availabilities at movies.</p>
|
|
<p>George: And she'll still see it, you're not stopping her from seeing it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How does sitting next to a person in a movie theater increase the level<br />
|
|
of enjoyment? You can't talk during a movie. You know, this is stupid, c'mon,<br />
|
|
let's just go.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Good.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Saving movies.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Ridiculous!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Two for Prognosis Negative. I'm in trouble.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>George: Oh, you're dead.<br />
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>New scene. Jerry's apartment, Gavin has come to collect his dog. Farfel is<br />
|
|
barking as loud as ever.</p>
|
|
<p>Gavin: Bell's Palsy. The entire side of my, of, of my face was paralyzed. <br />
|
|
Farfel! I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't even feed myself, I was completely<br />
|
|
incapacitated. Quiet Farfel!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know it's interesting, because I called the hospital and they said<br />
|
|
you were released on Monday.</p>
|
|
<p>Gavin: Yes, yes, that's true, but then I was taken to the Bell's Palsy Center<br />
|
|
in, in, in, in Rockford. Absolutely first rate facility, top notch physicians.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, c'mon, c'mon, get off me!</p>
|
|
<p>Gavin: He won't hurt you, he's just playing.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey you keep that mutt away from me.</p>
|
|
<p>Gavin: Mutt? I'll wager his parents are more pure than yours.</p>
|
|
<p>Ellen: Kramer, are you coming?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, hi Ellen.</p>
|
|
<p>Ellen: Get in here.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer sulks off.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Listen, it's really been a pleasure taking care of your dog for a week,<br />
|
|
but if you don't mind...</p>
|
|
<p>Gavin: Pre-prediction. You'll be calling me to ask if you can come and visit<br />
|
|
him before the month is out.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Prediction. I never see you or him again for the rest of my life.</p>
|
|
<p>Farfel barks very loudly and pulls Gavin into the hallway and out of Jerry's<br />
|
|
apartment.<br />
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>New scene.<br />
|
|
Jerry and Elaine at in Jerry's apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: We made plans.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why don't we just rent a movie?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I thought you wanted to see Prognosis Negative.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, it's supposed to be really bad, *really* bad. I mean it's long,<br />
|
|
there's no story, it's so unbelievably boring, I heard.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry, you promised me we'd go.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, George told me the whole story, line for line, I mean I almost<br />
|
|
feel like I've seen it already and walked out on it.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Wait, George saw the movie? I saw him yesterday, he didn't mention it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You and George got together?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, I wanted to talk about how we have nothing to talk about.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer enters.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer, Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What's up?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, you were right.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: About what?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Ellen. We, uh, broke up again.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry and Elaine, together: Awwwwww.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Too bad.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I thought she was the one.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'll bring back the pot.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Okay, c'mon it's movie time.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, what are you gonna see?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Prognosis Negative.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, that's supposed to be great.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's not.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: How do you know?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I have an instinct for these things.<br />
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Closing monologue.</p>
|
|
<p>I had a parakeet when I was a kid, that was the only pet that I really enjoyed. <br />
|
|
We used to let him out of his cage, and he would fly around and my mother had<br />
|
|
built, one entire wall of our living room was mirrored. She felt this gives you<br />
|
|
a feeling of space. Have you ever heard this interior design principle that a<br />
|
|
mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of a jerk<br />
|
|
walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole nother room in there.<br />
|
|
There's a guy in there looks just like me." But the parakeet will fall for<br />
|
|
this, you'll let him out of his cage, he flies around the room, BANG! With his<br />
|
|
little head, he would just go 'click' Ohh! And I'd always think, even if he<br />
|
|
thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting<br />
|
|
the other parakeet?<br />
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p></p>
|
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