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<p align="left">[Transcribed by Dave (ratboy)]<br>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
Written by: Elaine Pope &amp; Larry Charles<br>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
Episode no. 33<br>
pc: 317, season 3, episode 17<br>
Broadcast date: February 5, 1992<br>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
The Cast<br>
Regulars:<br>
Jerry Seinfeld................... Jerry Seinfeld<br>
Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza<br>
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes<br>
Michael Richards................. Cosmo Kramer<br>
<br>
Guest Stars:<br>
Maggie Jakobson.................. Cynthia<br>
<br>
<br>
Opening monologue.<br>
<br>
I tell ya, I never really understood the importance of the conductor.
I mean<br>
between you and me, what the hell is this guy doing? Do you really need<br>
somebody waving a stick in your face to play the violin? Does that really
help<br>
you out? I could see how we need him at the beginning. Okay, tap-tap-tap,<br>
start. Okay, I can see how you need that. But once we're going, okay,
once<br>
it's all happening, what do we need him for then? I don't see the cellist<br>
looking up, go, &quot;I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know
what to<br>
do.&quot; And the conductor goes, &quot;Do this. Like this&quot; &quot;Oh,
okay, thank you very<br>
much.&quot;<br>
<br>
<br>
First scene.<br>
Jerry and George are seated at a table in a restaurant.<br>
<br>
George: Why even try anymore? There's no sense to it. I'm never gonna
meet<br>
anybody, I should just accept it.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, yes you will.<br>
<br>
George: No, I won't.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah, maybe you won't.<br>
<br>
George: I mean it's hard enough to meet a woman you dislike, much less
like.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Are my nostrils getting bigger?<br>
<br>
George: No. Why must it be so difficult? Why is there all this tension
and<br>
hostility? Why can't I just walk up to a woman on the street and say,
&quot;Hi. I'm<br>
George. How are you?&quot; Is that so terrible?<br>
<br>
Just then a beautiful woman walks past their table, George offers up a
meek 'Hi'<br>
which the woman ignores as she passed. George then says 'Hi' a few more
times<br>
as he reaches for and drinks from his water glass, as though we was saying
that<br>
anyway and it had nothing to do with the woman. (Funnier to watch than
read.)<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Elaine and a friend, Cynthia, are seated at a table in another restaurant.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: There's just no men out there, you know?<br>
<br>
Elaine: I know.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: I mean the problem is that the good ones know they're good. And
they<br>
know they're in such demand they're just not interested in confining themselves<br>
to one person.<br>
<br>
Elaine: I hate the good ones.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Is Jerry one of the good ones?<br>
<br>
Elaine: That's a good question, I think he thinks he is.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Well, the mediocre ones are available, but they're so insecure
about<br>
not being one of the good ones that they're always going, &quot;Well I'm
not good<br>
enough for you, what are you doing with me?&quot; and eventually I just
go, &quot;You're<br>
right.&quot;<br>
<br>
Elaine: You know, maybe you need somebody between good and mediocre.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: No, maybe I need somebody who has nothing, somebody who just
has to<br>
appreciate being with me because he's so desperate.<br>
<br>
<br>
Cut back to George and Jerry, George is eating sloppily.<br>
<br>
George: I mean it's gotten to the point where I'm flirting with operators
on<br>
the phone. I almost made a date with one.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, so there's still hope.<br>
<br>
George: I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become<br>
hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care,
that<br>
indifference makes you attractive.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, so hopelessness is the key.<br>
<br>
George: It's my only hope.<br>
<br>
<br>
Cut back to Elaine and Cynthia.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: See, I wouldn't really mind so much, but I feel badly for my
mother. <br>
I mean, if my mother weren't around, it wouldn't be so bad. But, I'm telling<br>
you, if I'm not married by the time I'm forty, I'm gonna have to kill
her<br>
because it's the only fair thing to do. I just couldn't put her through
that.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well, at least you're not bitter.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Who says I'm not bitter?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Aren't you too young to be bitter?<br>
<br>
Cynthia: No, you can be young and bitter, just maybe not as bitter as
I'm gonna<br>
be ten years from now, but I'm bitter. Anyway, don't tell anyone.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Don't worry, your bitterness is safe with me.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Um, order me a piece of cake. I'm gonna go throw up.<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Jerry and Elaine are reading the newspaper at Jerry's apartment.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Look at my hands. Look. Filthy from the paper. You know, they should<br>
give you a Wet-nap when you buy one, like at those rib joints.<br>
<br>
Elaine: So what'd you do last night?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Went out with George, you?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Went out with Cynthia.<br>
<br>
Jerry: How was it? What'd you talk about?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well, you know, the usual; The Federal Reserve, the rainforest.
<br>
Cynthia thought we should nuke the rainforest, you know, get rid of it
in one<br>
fell swoop so we can at least eliminate it as a subject of conversation.
What<br>
about you?<br>
<br>
Jerry: We brushed on that. Actually, George was in rare form. He just
can't<br>
find anybody.<br>
<br>
Elaine: I know, Cynthia too. She's really given up.<br>
<br>
Jerry: George too.<br>
<br>
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
They look at each other for a moment.<br>
<br>
Jerry and Elaine (together): Yeah, right.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I've never fixed anybody up.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Uh, me neither and I am not about to start with George.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well why wouldn't you start with George? You think she's too good
for<br>
George?<br>
<br>
Elaine: I didn't say 'too good', did I say 'too good'?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well you implied it.<br>
<br>
Elaine: I didn't say it.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Because if you think she's too good for George, you are dead wrong.
<br>
Dead wrong. Who is she?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Who is he?<br>
<br>
Jerry: He's George!<br>
<br>
Elaine: She's Cynthia!<br>
<br>
Jerry: So what?<br>
<br>
Elaine: What, you don't think she's beautiful?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I don't know, what's with the eyebrows?<br>
<br>
Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I went out with you.<br>
<br>
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low. And by the way, you know,<br>
women kill for eyebrows like that. Do you know that? I mean women pluck
their<br>
real eyebrows out of their head, one by one, until they're bald, Jerry.
Bald<br>
above the eyes! And then they paint in these eyebrows to look like that.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well let me tell you something about George. He is fast. He can
run<br>
like the wind. And he's strong. I've seen him lift a hundred pounds over
his<br>
head without even knowing it. And you wouldn't know it to look at him,
but<br>
George can bait a hook.<br>
<br>
Elaine: He can really do that?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Come on, let's do it, I think they'll really get along.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What, are you into this?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah, come on, it's a good match.<br>
<br>
Elaine: No, wait a minute, wait a minute. They're gonna be telling us
how<br>
their dates went. Are we gonna share that information?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Naturally.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well, wait a minute, we're gonna tell each other everything, I
mean<br>
every secret?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Everything.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What if it worked out?<br>
<br>
Jerry (dialing): Yeah right.<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Jerry and George are in Jerry's apartment.<br>
<br>
George: Out of the question. Out of the question!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Why?<br>
<br>
George: No! I'm not gonna do that! That's one step away from personal
ads! <br>
And prostitutes! No! No, I am not going down that road! What does she
look<br>
like?<br>
<br>
Jerry: She's good looking.<br>
<br>
George: How good looking?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Very good looking.<br>
<br>
George: Really good looking?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Really very good looking.<br>
<br>
George: Would you take her out?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yes, I would take her out.<br>
<br>
George: Oh, you hesitated.<br>
<br>
Jerry: What hesitate? I didn't hesitate!<br>
<br>
George: No, something's off here, you hesitated.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'm telling you, she's good looking.<br>
<br>
George: What about the body, what kind of body?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Good body, nice body.<br>
<br>
George: How nice?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Nice.<br>
<br>
George: Just nice?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Pretty nice.<br>
<br>
George: Really good?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Really very nice and good.<br>
<br>
George: What about personality?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Good personality. Funny. Bright.<br>
<br>
George: Smarter than me? I don't want anyone smarter than me.<br>
<br>
Jerry: How could she be smarter than you?<br>
<br>
George: Alright, let's see, let's see. What else. What else. Oh yeah,
what<br>
does she do?<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Elaine and Cynthia are having a similar discussion.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: First of all, what does he do?<br>
<br>
Elaine: He was in real estate, um, now, he's not working right now-<br>
<br>
Cynthia: He's not working?! How come he's not working?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well, um, he, he got fired.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Why did he get fired?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Uh. Why? Oh, right. Um, well, he tried to poison his boss.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Excuse me?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Such a long story, Cynthia, seriously, I mean he just had some
problems<br>
at work.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Is he nuts?<br>
<br>
Elaine: No, no, no, he's a really really funny guy.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: What does he look like?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Pardon?<br>
<br>
Cynthia: What does he look like?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Um, well, he's got a lot of character in his face. Um, he's short.
<br>
Um, he's stocky.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Fat. Is that what you're saying, that he's fat?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Powerful. He is so powerful, he can lift a hundred pounds right
up<br>
over his head. And um, what else. What else. Oh, right. Um, well, he's
kind<br>
of, just kind of losing his hair.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: He's bald?<br>
<br>
Elaine: No! No, no, no, he's not bald. He's balding.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: So he will be bald.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yup.<br>
<br>
<br>
Cut back to Jerry and George.<br>
<br>
George: What kind of hair?<br>
<br>
Jerry: You know, long dark hair.<br>
<br>
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
George: Flowing?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Flowing?<br>
<br>
George: Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick lustrous
hair is<br>
very important to me.<br>
<br>
Jerry: 'Thick lustrous hair is very important to me,' is that what you
said?<br>
<br>
George: Yeah, that's right.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Just clarifying.<br>
<br>
George: Let me ask you this. If you stick your hand in the hair is it
easy to<br>
get it out?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Do you want to be able to get it out or do you want to not be able
to<br>
get it out?<br>
<br>
George: I'd like to be able to get it out.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I think you'll get it out.<br>
<br>
George: What about the skin? I need a good cheek, I like a good cheek.<br>
<br>
Jerry: She's got a fine cheek.<br>
<br>
George: Is there a pinkish hue?<br>
<br>
Jerry: A pinkish hue?<br>
<br>
George: Yes, a rosy glow.<br>
<br>
Jerry: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows, women kill to have her<br>
eyebrows.<br>
<br>
George: Who cares about eyebrows? Is she sweet? I like sweet. But not
too<br>
sweet, you could throw up from that.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I don't think you'll throw up. *She* likes to throw up.<br>
<br>
<br>
Cut back to Elaine and Cynthia.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Has he ever been married?<br>
<br>
Elaine: No.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Has he been close?<br>
<br>
Elaine: He once spent a weekend with a woman.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: He didn't really try to poison his boss?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yeah, he did.<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
The next day, George is back at Jerry's.<br>
<br>
George: We had an incredible phone conversation. We talked for like twenty<br>
minutes. I threw away my notes in the middle of the call. You know, I
thought<br>
she had a great voice timbre. Is it timbre or tamber?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I think it's tamber.<br>
<br>
George: Why'd I think it was timbre? Yeah, she could do voiceover commercials,<br>
why didn't you tell me about her voice?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I didn't notice the voice.<br>
<br>
George: It's mellifluous!<br>
<br>
Jerry: So, Saturday night.<br>
<br>
George: She had to be impressed by that conversation, had to! It was a
great<br>
performance. I am unbelievable on the phone. On the date they should just
have<br>
two phones on the table at the restaurant, done.<br>
<br>
Elaine enters.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Hi.<br>
<br>
George: Hey! Saturday night!<br>
<br>
Elaine: I know!<br>
<br>
George: So, what did she say?<br>
<br>
Elaine: She said you're getting together Saturday night!<br>
<br>
George: That's it?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yeah!<br>
<br>
George: She didn't mention anything about the conversation?<br>
<br>
Elaine: No.<br>
<br>
George: Now, you see, I don't get that. We had a relaxed stimulating,
great<br>
conversation, she doesn't mention it? Why doesn't she mention it?<br>
<br>
Elaine: What?<br>
<br>
Jerry: She could have mentioned the conversation.<br>
<br>
George: Alright, alright, I'll go on the date, but that's that.<br>
<br>
Kramer enters.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Hey.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Hey.<br>
<br>
Kramer: You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, the guy from Jersey?<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yeah. He just got a job at a condom factory in Edison. Look at
this,<br>
he gave me a gross.<br>
<br>
George: What are you gonna do with all of them?<br>
<br>
Kramer: Oh, well... Come on, take some, Jerry. Grab 'em.<br>
<br>
Jerry: No thanks, they look like they came out of a cereal box.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Come on, Elaine, here, take half a bag.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Half a bag? What am I, a hooker? Anyway, they look kind of cheap.<br>
<br>
George: I'll take one. It's possible.<br>
<br>
<br>
Mid-episode monologue.<br>
<br>
The problem with the condom is still buying them. I think we should have
like a<br>
secret signal with the druggist that you just walk into the drugstore,
you go up<br>
to the counter, he looks at you and if you go like this (nods) he puts
them in<br>
the bag for you, that's it. You show up there, you put your little shaving<br>
cream, your little toothpaste, you know, &quot;How are you today?&quot;
(nods) &quot;Have a<br>
nice day.&quot; &quot;You too.&quot;<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Elaine and Jerry are on the phone, waiting for George and Cynthia's date
to end.<br>
<br>
Jerry: So where are they already, it's a quarter to twelve, they should
be back<br>
by now, what did they do?<br>
<br>
Elaine: I think they went out to dinner.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Wait, I got another call. That must be him. [clicks over] Hello?<br>
<br>
George: Yeah, it's me, I just got home.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, hold on. [clicks back] It's George, he just got home.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, I got Cynthia on the other line.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Alright, I'll call you back as soon as I'm done.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Remember our pact. Full disclosure.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Of course. [clicks back to George] Yeah, go ahead.<br>
<br>
George: Alright look, I'm gonna tell you, but I made a pact with Cynthia,
we<br>
swore we were not going to tell you and Elaine.<br>
<br>
Jerry: You can tell me, I'll vault it.<br>
<br>
George: It's in the vault?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'm locking the vault. What?<br>
<br>
George: We had sex.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh my god, you had sex, how did that happen?<br>
<br>
George: I don't know. I closed my eyes and made a move.<br>
<br>
Jerry: At your apartment?<br>
<br>
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
George: Yeah.<br>
<br>
Jerry: She didn't stay over?<br>
<br>
George: No, she left. Listen, you can't mention any of this to Elaine.
<br>
Cynthia will kill me, we made a deal.<br>
<br>
Cut to Elaine on the phone with Cynthia.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Oh my god.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: He was uncomfortable because it was our first time so he felt
he would<br>
perform better if we did it in the kitchen. He said the kitchen is always
the<br>
most sociable room in the house. And he was serious.<br>
<br>
Elaine: So? How was it?<br>
<br>
Cynthia: How good could it be? My head was on a hot plate.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Wait, I got another call, that must be Jerry.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Oh wait, don't you tell him any of this.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yeah, ok. [clicks over] Hello?<br>
<br>
Jerry: So, what did she have to say?<br>
<br>
Elaine: What did he have to say?<br>
<br>
Jerry: He said they had a good time.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Her too.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, good.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Anything else?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Nope. You?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Nope.<br>
<br>
Jerry: You sure?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yup. You?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Alright. Well uh, guess everything is under control.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah. Okay then.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Alright. Goodnight.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Goodnight.<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Jerry and George are at Jerry's apartment.<br>
<br>
George: I left three messages. I can't believe this woman. She has sex
with<br>
me, leaves ten minutes later then I never hear from her again. What kind
of a<br>
person does this? I mean, she used me. I feel cheap and violated.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well, I'm gonna do something about this.<br>
<br>
George: What are you gonna do?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Nevermind. Disgraceful. Leaves you sitting there on the kitchen
floor<br>
like some kind of roach trap. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Sir, whatever.
<br>
She's not going to get away with this.<br>
<br>
George: I keep wracking my brain to try and figure out what I did. I was<br>
smart, I was funny, I made great small talk with the waitress so she could
see I<br>
could relate to the commoners, you know, I'm a man of the people.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'm gonna call her.<br>
<br>
George: No, don't call her.<br>
<br>
Jerry: No, I'm calling her.<br>
<br>
George: No, Jerry, don't call.<br>
<br>
Jerry: No, forget it, I'm gonna call.<br>
<br>
George: I don't want you to call.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Get away from me, I'm gonna call her.<br>
<br>
George: Give me the phone!<br>
<br>
Jerry: George, do you wanna fight? Do you wanna fight?<br>
<br>
George: Jerry, I'm gonna kill you!<br>
<br>
Kramer enters and gets between them to break up the fight.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Hey hey hey!! Come on! Jerry, George, now stop it!<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'll just call her when you leave!<br>
<br>
George: You can't do that, it's none of your business!<br>
<br>
Jerry: It is so my business!<br>
<br>
Kramer: Hey hey hey! I don't want to hear another word out of either one
of<br>
you!<br>
<br>
<br>
George: But tell him to give me the--<br>
<br>
Kramer: Ay ay ay! The next one of you that opens up your mouth, says<br>
something, you're gonna have to deal with me. You know, I bet I know what
this<br>
is about. It's about a woman, isn't it?<br>
<br>
George: No.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah, but--<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yeah yeah! You see, this is exactly what they want to do to you.
They<br>
play one against the other. You can't let them manipulate you like that.<br>
<br>
Jerry: But Kramer--<br>
<br>
Kramer: Noh noh noh! I want you guys to shake hands. Come on, there are<br>
plenty of women out there for all of us, let's go.<br>
<br>
Jerry and George shake hands.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yes. You see? Isn't that better than fighting? Animosity? I mean,<br>
you wanna fight with somebody, you fight with me. Oh, by the way George,
you<br>
know those condoms I gave you? They're defective, don't use them.<br>
<br>
George: What?<br>
<br>
Kramer: Right.<br>
<br>
George: Defective?!<br>
<br>
Kramer: Defective.<br>
<br>
George (attacking Kramer): How could you give me a defective condom?!<br>
<br>
Kramer: I didn't even know they were defective.<br>
<br>
Jerry gets between them to break up the fight.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Didn't even thin you were gonna use them.<br>
<br>
George: What do you mean you didn't think I wasn't gonna use them?!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Take it easy, you guys, just spread out! Don't worry about it,
if<br>
anything was wrong she would have called you already!<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Elaine answers her door, it's Cynthia.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: I missed my period.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Oh my god.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: I am very worried, I am never late.<br>
<br>
Elaine: But he used a condom, right?<br>
<br>
Cynthia: I know, but these things aren't always foolproof.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Oh no.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: What?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Was it blue?<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Yeah. How'd you know?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Just a hunch.<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Jerry is in his apartment trying to open a bottle of soda.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Ow! Ow! Twist off! Twist off! Twist off!<br>
<br>
Elaine walks in and give him a funny look.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, hi. Soda?<br>
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
<br>
Elaine: No thanks.<br>
<br>
Jerry: So tell me. What's the problem with your little flaky friend? She<br>
doesn't return calls?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Who are you to talk about her like that? She'll call him when
she's<br>
good and ready. You don't even know her.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, I know her. I know her type.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Her type? What type?<br>
<br>
Jerry: The type that doesn't return phone calls. I knew we shouldn't have
done<br>
this, it was a bad idea in the first place, I told you!<br>
<br>
Elaine: You told me? You pushed this whole thing on me, it was your idea!<br>
<br>
Jerry: I was just trying to help your bitter, twisted friend.<br>
<br>
Elaine: She's not bitter!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well, bitter's a judgement call, but she's twisted!<br>
<br>
Elaine: Twisted? God, I did you a favor.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I thought you said they had a good time, is there anything else
you're<br>
keeping from me?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Are you calling me a liar?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'm calling you one if you are one, are you a liar?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Are you?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Get your finger out of my face.<br>
<br>
Elaine: You get yours out, I was here first!<br>
<br>
Jerry: I don't care.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Get it out!<br>
<br>
Kramer walks in just as this argument begins to turn into a slap fight,
and gets<br>
in the middle.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Hey hey, alright, hey hey, stop it! Come on, break it up! What's
the<br>
matter with you? Now don't you two see that you're in love with each other?
I<br>
mean, why can't you face that already? You're running around out there
looking<br>
for something that's not even there, when everything that you dream of
is right<br>
here, right here in front of you. Now why can't you admit that? By the
way,<br>
when you see George give him these, these'll work.<br>
<br>
Elaine: I knew those condoms were defective!<br>
<br>
Jerry: How did you know they were defective?!<br>
<br>
George walks in.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Because! Because she missed her period!<br>
<br>
George: She missed her period? Oh my god. I can't believe it! I'm a father!
<br>
I did it! My boys can swim! I can do it! I can do it!<br>
<br>
George rushes out, hysterical.<br>
<br>
<br>
New scene.<br>
Elaine and Cynthia are at a restaurant.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: So he shows up. He's all out of breath. He's disheveled. And
he<br>
tells me that no matter what happens, whatever I decide is fine with him
and<br>
that I could depend on him, and that he would be there to support me in
whatever<br>
way I need. Elaine, I was speechless.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Wow. Wow. You see? You think you know somebody.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: I said to him, &quot;I really appreciate this, but I just got
my period.&quot; <br>
And so, I asked him to come in, he came in--<br>
<br>
George and Jerry walk up, Jerry is limping.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Hi!<br>
<br>
George: Sorry, we're a little late. We got so hung up in traffic.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What happened?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Acting.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Very mature.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Thank you. Hi Cynthia.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Hi.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well this is a great place to sit you got here.<br>
<br>
Cynthia: Best seat in the house. (Looking at George) right next to the<br>
kitchen.<br>
<br>
George (hitting Cynthia playfully with a napkin): Stop it, stop it.<br>
<br>
Jerry: So what are these?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Oh, we ordered some appetizers. Start eating.<br>
<br>
George stars eating like a slob, Cynthia looks at him funny. You get the
idea<br>
that the relationship has just ended.<br>
<br>
George (with a mouth full of food): This is good. Oh, this is good.<br>
<br>
<br>
Closing monologue.<br>
<br>
Have you ever fixed anybody up? Why do we do it? Why? You thought they
would<br>
have a good time. And a little power trip for you, isn't it? Now, you're<br>
playing god. Of course god was the first person to fix people up. He fixed
up<br>
Adam and Eve. You know, I'm sure he said to Adam, &quot;She's nice. She's
very free<br>
about her body, doesn't really wear that much. She was going out with
a snake,<br>
I think that's over though.&quot;<br>
<br>
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