921 lines
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921 lines
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<h1>The Fusille Jerry</h1>
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</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
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Season 6, Episode # 19</p>
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<p>Original Air Date: April 27, 1995</p>
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<p>=============================================================</p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry................................Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Elaine...............................Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Kramer...............................Michael Richards</p>
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<p>George...............................Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Guest Starring:</p>
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<p>Estelle..............................Estelle Harris</p>
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<p>Frank................................Jerry Stiller</p>
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<p>David................................Patrick Warburton</p>
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<p>Nancy................................Marla Sucharetza</p>
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<p>Dr. Cooperman........................Lou Cutell</p>
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<p>Clerk................................Yvette Cruise</p>
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<p>Security Guard.......................Jeff Coopwood</p>
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<p>Sally................................Judith Shelton</p>
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<p>Doctor...............................Apollo Dukakis</p>
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<p>=============================================================</p>
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<p>[Opening Monologue]</p>
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<p>The worst part about a car breaking down, is when you're out on the road, you're<br />
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a guy. Because now you have to get out and pretend like you know what you're<br />
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doing. You gotta go, "All right, honey, I'm gonna go check it out.". Walk around<br />
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the front, open up the hood. That's good, 'cause it obscures her view. That's<br />
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the main reason you want to do that. You're looking in there, you know, and<br />
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you're hoping you're going to see something in there so simple, so obvious, so<br />
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incredibly easy to fix, even you can handle it. Like a giant on/off switch turned<br />
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off.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>[Opening Scene: Jerry and Elaine are outside, heading towards the
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apartment</p>
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<p>building]</p>
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<p>Jerry: I hear you're going out with David Putty.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah. What, is it a problem?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, I think he could've asked me. Supposed to be a friend
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of mine.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, I guess he figured you just wouldn't care. It *has*
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been a</p>
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<p>few years.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Elaine, you always care who an ex-girlfriend dates. You
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don't want</p>
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<p>it to be someone you know, and you don't want it to be someone
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better than</p>
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<p>you. Now, even though the latter is *obviously* impossible.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, god.</p>
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<p>Jerry: The former still applies. I don't know what it is, but I
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just can't</p>
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<p>see you with a mechanic.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, yeah. Right, right. Well, all those mechanics do is
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work all</p>
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<p>day with their hands and their *big*, *muscular* arms on machines,
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and then</p>
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<p>they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski.
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What a</p>
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<p>huge turn-off that is.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right.</p>
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<p>[At Monk's, George and Estelle are looking over their menus]</p>
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<p>George: Look at that. They got lobster on the menu. Who would order
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a</p>
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<p>lobster here. I mean, do they bring a lobster in everyday hoping
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*todays*</p>
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<p>the day.</p>
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<p>Estelle: So what if they have a lobster. Suddenly you're a shell-fish</p>
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<p>connoisseur.</p>
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<p>George: You know, I think we really need to be in front of a television
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set.</p>
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<p>You take T.V. out of this relationship, it is *just* torture.</p>
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<p>Estelle: So, I'm getting an eye job.</p>
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<p>George: An eye job? Ma, you don't need an eye job.</p>
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<p>Estelle: Georgie, I'm a divorcee.</p>
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<p>George: No, you're not a divorcee. Youre just separated. You're---you're</p>
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<p>a separatee.</p>
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<p>Estelle: Well, I'm out there, George.</p>
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<p>George: No, you're not out there.</p>
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<p>Estelle: I am, too!</p>
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<p>George: You're not out there! You can't be, because *I* am out
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there. And</p>
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<p>if I see *you* out there, there's not enough voltage in this world
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to</p>
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<p>electroshock me back into coherence!</p>
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<p>Estelle: Well, anyway, the operation is on Tuesday and I need you
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to drive</p>
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<p>me home because I'll be all drugged up.</p>
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<p>George: Tuesday? I can't do it Tuesday. Steinbrenner needs me to
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run---</p>
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<p>Estelle: This is the only time the doctor *has*.</p>
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<p>[Kramer walks by their table on his way out]</p>
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<p>George: Kramer, hey, hey! [Gets up out of his seat]</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hi, little buddy.</p>
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<p>George: Come on over and sit down.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey, listen, I gotta go somewhere.</p>
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<p>George: No, you're gonna sit down, you son of a gun...</p>
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<p>Kramer: All right, I'm sitting down. How are you? [Kisses Estelle
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on the</p>
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<p>cheek]</p>
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<p>Estelle: So, Kramer. I'm getting an eye job.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh, yeah, good for you. Hey, you have to look your best.
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You're</p>
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<p>out</p>
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<p>there now.</p>
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<p>George: She's not out there!</p>
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<p>Kramer: So, who is your doctor?</p>
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<p>Estelle: Uh, Bakersoll.</p>
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<p>Kramer: [whistles]. He's good. He's *very* good. He worked on this
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kid</p>
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<p>from Guatemala with no nose. Turned him into Ricardo Montalban.</p>
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<p>George: Hey, Kramer, what are you doing Tuesday?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Tuesday? Uh...</p>
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<p>George: Why doesn't *he* pick you up after the operation. He's
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got the car</p>
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<p>with the bench seats that you like.</p>
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<p>Estelle: Oh, I don't care.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, I know, but I can't drive anybody anywhere until
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I go down to</p>
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<p>the motor vehicle bureau and get my new plates.</p>
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<p>George: Well, giddy-up!</p>
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<p>[At the motor vehicle bureau...]</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, I'm here to pick up my new plates. My name is Kramer.
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Cosmo</p>
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<p>Kramer.</p>
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<p>Clerk: Kramer.... [checks computer] All right...</p>
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<p>Kramer: All righty...</p>
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<p>Clerk: Sign right here, please. [hands over clipboard]</p>
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<p>Kramer: [signs it] Okay. [The clerk hands him a manila envelope].
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Thanks.</p>
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<p>[opens up the envelope] Assman? Oh, no, these don't belong to me.
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I'm</p>
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<p>not the Assman. I think there's been a mistake.</p>
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<p>Clerk: What's your name again?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Cosmo Kramer.</p>
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<p>Clerk: [checks computer again] Cosmo Kramer. You *are* the Assman.</p>
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<p>Kramer: No! I'm not the Assman.</p>
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<p>Clerk: Well, as far as the state of New York is concerned, you
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are.</p>
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<p>[Failing to clear up the mistake, Kramer drives off with the new
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plates</p>
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<p>attached] </p>
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<p>[Meanwhile, we join Elaine and David---in bed, I should add. David,
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who</p>
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<p>apparently looks satisfied, is still breathless. Elaine, on the
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other hand,</p>
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<p>is looking somewhat, preoccupied]</p>
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<p>David: How do you feel?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Fine.</p>
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<p>David: Something the matter?</p>
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<p>Elaine: No.</p>
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<p>David: Then what is it?</p>
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<p>Elaine: No, nothing.</p>
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<p>[Later on, at Monk's, Jerry has just come in to meet Elaine. He
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joins her at</p>
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<p>the booth]</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hi.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I was with David *Putty* last night. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, so.</p>
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<p>Elaine: He did the move.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What move?</p>
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<p>Elaine: You know...*the* move.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Wait a second. *My* move?</p>
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<p>[Elaine nods].</p>
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<p>Jerry: David Putty used *my* move?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yes, yes.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Are you sure?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Jerry! There is no confusing *that* move with any other
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move.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I can't believe it. He *stole* my move.</p>
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<p>Elaine: What else did you tell [reaches over to slap Jerry] him.
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[does it</p>
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<p>again] The two of you must have had *quite* a little chat!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, it wasn't like that! I didn't even mention you. You
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know, we</p>
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<p>were in the garage. You know how garages are. They're conducive
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to sex</p>
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<p>talk. It's a high-testosterone area.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Because of all the pistons and the lube jobs?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, I'm going down to that garage and telling him to stop
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doing it.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, wait---wait a second.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What?</p>
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<p>Elaine: Isn't that a little...rash?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No! He stole my move!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, but...*I* like the move.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, but it's like another comedian stealing my material.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, he doesn't even do it exactly the same. He--he--he
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uses a</p>
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<p>pinch at the end instead of the *swirl*!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, yeah. The pinch. *I've* done the pinch. That's not new.</p>
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<p>Besides which, I don't know how you could trust any of his moves
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now. His</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>whole *repertoire* could be lifted.</p>
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<p>Elaine: You know, it's strange, because he's such an honest mechanic.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I know, he's probably the only honest mechanic in New York.</p>
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<p>[Later, Jerry and George are outside, where Jerry has just bought
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a candy bar</p>
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<p>at the newsstand]</p>
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<p>Jerry: ...so he stole my move and he's using it on Elaine.</p>
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<p>George: You told David Putty your move and you didn't tell *me*?
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I *need* a</p>
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<p>move. You know I have no moves, Jerry. [points to the candy bar]
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Gimme a</p>
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<p>bite.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Can I just get it opened first?</p>
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<p>George: I can't believe you're hoarding sex moves. I'm out there
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rubbing</p>
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<p>two sticks together. You walk around with a zippo.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right, all right. Here. [hands George a piece of the
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candy</p>
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<p>bar].</p>
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<p>George: [takes a bite] Oh, that's good. That's very good.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You feel better?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah, much better. All right, so what's the move, because
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I need</p>
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<p>*something*. This woman I'm dating, it's like she's doing her nails
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during</p>
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<p>love-making.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Nancy Klopper?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah. Never seen anyone so bored. I'm working like a dog
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here.</p>
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<p>Give me a moan. *Something*. I'd settle for a belch, for god's
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sake. All</p>
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<p>right, come on, let's have it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right, George. I'm gonna tell you. But I just wanna
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make sure,</p>
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<p>before---</p>
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<p>George: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in the vault. I'm putting it in
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the vault.</p>
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<p>Jerry: It's not even a question of that. The point is when something
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like</p>
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<p>this is passed along, one must be certain that it's going to be
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used in a</p>
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<p>*conscientious* way. This is not some parlor trick to be used---</p>
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<p>George: You're gonna tell me...or not.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right. On your bed. You got a headboard? You'll need
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a</p>
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<p>headboard.</p>
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<p>George: I got a headboard.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Is it padded?</p>
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<p>George: No.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Good. How tall is she?</p>
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<p>George: Five-foot four. Why?</p>
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<p>Jerry: You can't have more than a one-foot differential in your
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heights.</p>
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<p>Otherwise, you could really hurt your neck.</p>
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<p>George: I can't tell ya how much I appreciate this.</p>
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<p>Jerry: George, if you could master this, you'll never be alone
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again.</p>
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<p>[Back at Jerry's apartment: Jerry and George have just walked in,
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still</p>
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<p>conversing on the same subject]</p>
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<p>Jerry: Now, the ending is kind of an option. I use the swirl. I
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like the</p>
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<p>swirl. I'm comfortable with the swirl. *I* feel the swirl is a
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great</p>
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<p>capper. He uses the pinch, which I find a little presumptuous.</p>
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<p>George: Is it a clockwise swirl?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I prefer clockwise, but it's not written in stone.</p>
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<p>[Kramer enters, holding an object of some kind].</p>
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<p>Kramer: Here you go, buddy. [shows it to Jerry].</p>
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<p>Jerry: What is it?</p>
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<p>Kramer: *Fusilli* Jerry! It's made from Fusilli pasta. See the
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microphone?</p>
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<p>Jerry: When did you do this?</p>
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<p>Kramer: In my spare time. [turns to George]. You know, I'm working
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on one</p>
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<p>of you, George. I'm using ravioli. See, the hard part is to find
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a pasta</p>
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<p>that captures the individual.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh... Why Fusilli?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Because *you're* silly. Get it? [hands the Fusilli to Jerry]</p>
|
|
<p>Yeah...</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, thank you very much.</p>
|
|
<p>George: So, did you get your new plates?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh...yeah. I got my new plates. But they mixed them up.
|
|
Somebody</p>
|
|
<p>got mine and I got their *vanity* plates.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What do they say?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Assman.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Assman?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah. Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Who would order a license plate that says "Assman"?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Maybe they're Wilt Chamberlain's.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It doesn't have to be someone who gets a lot of women. It
|
|
could be</p>
|
|
<p>just some guy with a big ass.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, or it could be a proctologist.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah. Proctologist.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Come on! No doctor would put that on his car.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Have you ever *met* a proctologist? Well, they usually
|
|
have a very</p>
|
|
<p>good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't
|
|
walk away.</p>
|
|
<p>*Plant* yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories
|
|
you've</p>
|
|
<p>ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they *stuck*
|
|
something</p>
|
|
<p>up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story
|
|
ends in</p>
|
|
<p>the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million
|
|
to one."</p>
|
|
<p>[A phone rings in the distant]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh! There's my phone. [He leaves]</p>
|
|
<p>George: So, where you gonna stick this [points to the Fusilli Jerry]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'll tell you where I'd like to stick it.</p>
|
|
<p>[We cut to the garage where David Putty is working on a car. Jerry
|
|
walks in]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, David.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Oh, hi, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, what's the story? I hear you're doing my move.</p>
|
|
<p>David: What move?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What move? *My* move. The one I told you about. You used
|
|
it on</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p>David: You're move? What, are you kidding? I was doing that before
|
|
I knew</p>
|
|
<p>you. All you told me about was the ending.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: The ending is the whole thing. Without the ending, it's
|
|
nothing.</p>
|
|
<p>You had *nothing*.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Oh, that ending was *so* obvious. I would have figured it
|
|
out</p>
|
|
<p>anyway. I didn't need you to tell me that stupid twist.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Swirl.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Whatever. I don't even do it.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, yeah, I know. You do the *pinch*.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Yeah, that's right.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You can't come up with your own stuff , so you *steal* other
|
|
peoples?</p>
|
|
<p>You're nothing but a hack.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Are you through, 'cuz, uh, I gotta get back to work.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, I'll tell you what I'll do, you know. If you wanna
|
|
do it out</p>
|
|
<p>of town...okay. But not in the city.</p>
|
|
<p>David: All right, how about the next time your car breaks down,
|
|
you take</p>
|
|
<p>*that* out of town.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Fine.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Good!</p>
|
|
<p>[While driving, Jerry hits a pothole and his car is now making
|
|
a clanking</p>
|
|
<p>noise] </p>
|
|
<p>[We join George and Nancy, who are....getting busy under the covers.]</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Ow, George! [crawls out from beneath the covers] What are
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p>doing?</p>
|
|
<p>George: [pops his head out of the covers, looking a bit confused]
|
|
Uh...you</p>
|
|
<p>know, uh...pleasuring you.</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Well, stop it!</p>
|
|
<p>George: You don't like the move?</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: No. I don't.</p>
|
|
<p>George: You're kidding.</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: No, I'm not. It feels like aliens poking at my body.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Sorry. I'll just go back to my usual routine.</p>
|
|
<p>[Back to Elaine and David in the middle of, uh...you know...]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, god! Oh, god, Dave! Oh, yes! Yes!</p>
|
|
<p>David: No, I'm sorry.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What?!!</p>
|
|
<p>David: I can't do the move.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What?</p>
|
|
<p>David: Oh, he's ruined it for me.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, oh, come on, please?</p>
|
|
<p>David: No, he called me a hack. I'm just not into doing it anymore.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, so---so that's it?</p>
|
|
<p>David: I'll come up with some new stuff.</p>
|
|
<p>[Cut to Kramer heading towards his car. He picks up a note on his
|
|
windshield</p>
|
|
<p>and reads it...]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: "Call me. Thirty-six, twenty-four, forty-six. I think
|
|
I have what</p>
|
|
<p>you're looking for." [Pleased by the note, Kramer stumbles
|
|
into his car].</p>
|
|
<p>[Meanwhile, Estelle is at Dr. Bakersoll's office]</p>
|
|
<p>Dr. Bakersoll: I must caution you about one thing. You can't cry
|
|
for at</p>
|
|
<p>least ten day. You can ruin the operation.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Oh, okay.</p>
|
|
<p>Dr. Bakersoll: Now, is someone coming to pick you up?</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Yes, my son's friend should be here any minute.</p>
|
|
<p>[In the parking lot just outside, Kramer has pulls into a "Doctors
|
|
Only"</p>
|
|
<p>space]</p>
|
|
<p>Security Guard: Can I help you?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Ah, yeah. Doctor Cosmo Kramer. [points to plate] Proctology.</p>
|
|
<p>Security Guard: Oh, oh, okay. Sure...</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Thanks. Have a good day.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer is driving Estelle home]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I just can't get over how fantastic you look.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Oh, really?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, yeah. This takes twenty years off.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Estelle: And it was all done by laser. I don't even need bandages.</p>
|
|
<p>[As a car passes Kramer, someone yells out, "Yo, Assman! Look
|
|
at the</p>
|
|
<p>Assman!" Kramer waves].</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Did he say "Assman"?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Oh my goodness.</p>
|
|
<p>[Another car passes: "Hey, the Assman's in town!"]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You got that straight!</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Boy. I never dreamed it could make such a difference.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kramer makes a sudden stop, and in a protective gesture, he sticks
|
|
his arm</p>
|
|
<p>out in front of Estelle.] </p>
|
|
<p>[Back to Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You must have done *something* wrong. You probably screwed
|
|
up the</p>
|
|
<p>order. Did you close with the swirl?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Supposed to close with the swirl?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh my god. Yes, you close with the swirl. There's a progression</p>
|
|
<p>there. I told you to write it down.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah, yeah, should've written it down.</p>
|
|
<p>[Bzzz. Jerry walks over to answer it]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah?</p>
|
|
<p>Buzzer: Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: C'mon up. [turns to George] You know what? Do me a favor.
|
|
Don't</p>
|
|
<p>even do the move anymore. You're gonna give it a bad name.</p>
|
|
<p>[The phone rings]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld. What? Twenty-eight
|
|
hundred</p>
|
|
<p>dollars?!! That's the estimate on my car?!! No, don't even do anything.</p>
|
|
<p>I'm gonna think about it. Okay, bye.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What's to think about? If Putty says it's what it is, it's
|
|
what it</p>
|
|
<p>is. He's not gonna cheat you.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Except that it's not Putty.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What happened to Putty?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Eh, we had a little fight about the move. I took her to
|
|
this other</p>
|
|
<p>place. I think they might be trying to screw me.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, of course they're trying to screw you. What do you
|
|
think?</p>
|
|
<p>That's what they do. They can make up anything. Nobody knows. "By
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>way, you need a new Johnson rod in there." "Oh, a Johnson
|
|
rod. Yeah, well,</p>
|
|
<p>you better put one of those on."</p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine comes in looking a bit peeved]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, yeah, hello.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Is it something I said?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes! As a matter of fact! David Putty won't do the move
|
|
anymore.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, he's come up with some other move. You should see this
|
|
thing.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What is it?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, it's a lot of just fancy-shmancy stuff. You know what
|
|
it's</p>
|
|
<p>like? It's like a big budget movie with a story that goes *nowhere*.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Huh.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I mean, this move is no good, Jerry. It's just taking up
|
|
a lot of</p>
|
|
<p>my time. And I...will not stand by and allow him to perform this
|
|
move on me,</p>
|
|
<p>when a perfectly good move is just sitting in the barn doing nothing!</p>
|
|
<p>George: Let me ask you a question. This new move. Is there a knuckle</p>
|
|
<p>involved in any way?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes. As a matter of fact, there is.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I think that's mine.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I'm not surprised.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Listen. I need you to do me a favor. When's the next time
|
|
you're</p>
|
|
<p>gonna see him?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You gotta get an estimate on my car from him. I think this
|
|
garage is</p>
|
|
<p>trying to screw me.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: An estimate? How am I supposed to do that?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, look. Here's the work order with everything that broke.
|
|
Just</p>
|
|
<p>kind of bring it up at the right time and find out. [hands Elaine
|
|
the work</p>
|
|
<p>order]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [takes the work order and points to the Fusilli Jerry sitting
|
|
on the</p>
|
|
<p>table] What? What is this?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: That's, uh, Fusilli Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Fusilli Jerry?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah. Kramer made it.</p>
|
|
<p>George: All right, listen, I'll see you guys later.</p>
|
|
<p>[As George is leaving, Kramer comes in with a female companion]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, Assman!</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, well, this is Sally.</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hi.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Shall we go?</p>
|
|
<p>Sally: Okay. [turns around and walks out with an exaggerated swing
|
|
of her</p>
|
|
<p>hips]</p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine, Jerry, and George make a face]</p>
|
|
<p>[Back at the Costanzas' house...]</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: You can't face the fact that I'm improving myself.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You're not the only one improving yourself. I worked out
|
|
with a</p>
|
|
<p>dumbbell yesterday. I feel *vigorous*.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Just take your mail and go home. I have things to do.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: I got things to do, too.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Don't upset me! I can't cry!</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Getting an eye job like some Manhattanite, huh?</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Well, it's already working. Kramer made a pass at me.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Kramer made a pass at you? You're crazy.</p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: I'm not crazy. He stopped short and made a grab.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: He stopped short? That's my move. I'm gonna kill him!</p>
|
|
<p>[Once again, we join Elaine and David...in bed as usual...doing
|
|
what they do</p>
|
|
<p>best]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey, let me ask you a question.</p>
|
|
<p>David: Sure.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What do you charge for blown shocks?</p>
|
|
<p>David: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Two, three hundred?</p>
|
|
<p>David: I don't know. Maybe five hundred.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ah. </p>
|
|
<p>[They go back to kissing]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What about a bad gasket?</p>
|
|
<p>David: Bad gasket?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah. Like a terrible gasket.</p>
|
|
<p>David: What is all this?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Nothing, nothing. I'm just taking an interest in what you...do.</p>
|
|
<p>David: What kind of car is it?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh...any kind of---of a Swedish car.</p>
|
|
<p>David: All together, that could run about sixteen hundred.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kiss again]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Is that with the parts and labor?</p>
|
|
<p>David: Uh-huh.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hmm.</p>
|
|
<p>[Kiss...again]</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, no. No, David. No, please. Not the knuckle....</p>
|
|
<p>[Back to George and Nancy in bed. George is looking quite pleased
|
|
with</p>
|
|
<p>himself. Nancy, on the other hand, looks...bewildered...pleasantly</p>
|
|
<p>surprised...]</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Wow. That was...*great*. I mean...*wow*.</p>
|
|
<p>George: It just came to me.</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: I---I've never in my life have---have I---. What was that?</p>
|
|
<p>George: You mean in the end?</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Uh-huh.</p>
|
|
<p>George: A counter-clockwise swirl.</p>
|
|
<p>[Spotting something on George's hand]</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: What's that?</p>
|
|
<p>George: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: On---on your hand? Let me see what's on your hand.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Nothing. I don't know...just a little dirt.</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Give me that. [grabs his hand] I wanna see what's on your
|
|
hand.</p>
|
|
<p>[They struggle for a bit, but Nancy finally gets a hold of his
|
|
hand and tries</p>
|
|
<p>to make out the scribble]</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Number one. Take her leg.... Oh, my god! Crib notes? You've
|
|
got</p>
|
|
<p>crib notes?!!</p>
|
|
<p>George: It's a very complicated move! I couldn't remember it all.</p>
|
|
<p>Nancy: Oh, my god, you're sick. [gets out of bed]</p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, it's not the S.A.T.s!</p>
|
|
<p>[Cut to Frank on the streets. He spots Kramer's car. He looks inside
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>back window and sees the "Bro"---or is it the "Manssierre"?
|
|
He checks out</p>
|
|
<p>the plates]</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Assman? I'll get him, Assman!</p>
|
|
<p>[Back to Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Sixteen hundred dollars? That's all? *Ooh*, they are ripping
|
|
me</p>
|
|
<p>off.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So what are you going to do?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, that's it. I'm going back to Putty. No move is worth
|
|
this.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh! You mean you don't care if he does the move anymore?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Are you kidding? He can do every move I've ever done! Do
|
|
you know</p>
|
|
<p>what a good mechanic is worth? You can't compare that to sex.</p>
|
|
<p>[There's a knock at the door and Jerry goes over to answer it]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi, Mr. Constanza. What's uh...?</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Where's your friend Kramer?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't know. Why?</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Because I'm looking for him. That's why. He stopped short.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What do you mean?</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: In a car, with my wife. He stopped short. You think I don't
|
|
know</p>
|
|
<p>what that's about? That's my old move! I used it on Estelle forty
|
|
years</p>
|
|
<p>ago! I told everybody about it! Everybody knows! [Demonstrates]
|
|
Hmmph! I</p>
|
|
<p>stopped short.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really, stopping short. That's a good move.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You're not kidding it's a good move!</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>[Kramer walks in.]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, Frank.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Don't Frank me! I know what you did. How dare you stop short
|
|
with</p>
|
|
<p>my wife!</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: C'mon, Frank, relax. I don't even know what you're talking
|
|
about. </p>
|
|
<p>[Frank backs Kramer into the table, knocking the Fusilli Jerry
|
|
to the floor]</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: You think I don't know, Assman?!! To think I almost split
|
|
the</p>
|
|
<p>profits on the Manssierre with you.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Bro.</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Manssierre!</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Bro!</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Manssierre! You...!</p>
|
|
<p>[Frank grabs Kramer by the collar and in doing so, he slips and
|
|
falls right</p>
|
|
<p>on top of the Fusilli Jerry]</p>
|
|
<p>Frank: Aah!!!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, my god!</p>
|
|
<p>[Everyone gasps in horror, including George, who was just walking
|
|
in at that</p>
|
|
<p>very moment]</p>
|
|
<p>[At the medical center, the gang is in the waiting room, waiting
|
|
for the word</p>
|
|
<p>on</p>
|
|
<p>Frank's condition. Looks like they're still in shock]</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Me either.</p>
|
|
<p>George: They say this guy's the best.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: He had to use cork-screw pasta.</p>
|
|
<p>[At that thought, Jerry, George, and Elaine shift uncomfortably
|
|
in their</p>
|
|
<p>seats. Meanwhile, Kramer is checking out the pictures on the wall.
|
|
He spots</p>
|
|
<p>something...]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry. Jerry, come here. Take a look at this.</p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry joins him]</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: The name on the boat. Look at it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Assman!</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah [points towards the doctor's office], he's the Assman!
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Jerry,</p>
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<p>*he's* the Assman! </p>
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<p>[The doctor walks in]</p>
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<p>Doctor: Which one is the son?</p>
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<p>George: [stands up] I am.</p>
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<p>Doctor: Ah. I'm Doctor Cooperman. I just want you to know that
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this won't</p>
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<p>take long. And he's going to be fine.</p>
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<p>[Kramer stops Dr. Cooperman at the door.]</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah, excuse me, uh... You didn't by any chance recently
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get the</p>
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<p>wrong license plates?</p>
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<p>Dr. Cooperman: Yes. I'm still waiting for the motor vehicle bureau
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to</p>
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<p>straighten it out.</p>
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<p>Kramer: So...you're the Assman.</p>
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<p>[Dr. Cooperman winks and heads back to where Frank is waiting]</p>
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<p>Frank: It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.</p>
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<p>[Back at the Costanza's house, George and Frank are just walking
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in]</p>
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<p>Estelle: Where have you been?!! You were supposed to fix the stove!
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I've</p>
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<p>been waiting for hours!</p>
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<p>Frank: I fell on some Fusilli.</p>
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<p>Estelle: Fusilli?</p>
|
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<p>Frank: You know, the corkscrew pasta. It was a Fusilli Jerry. It
|
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got stuck</p>
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<p>in me. Had to go to the proctologist.</p>
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<p>Estelle: The proctologist? Are you okay?</p>
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<p>Frank: Yeah.</p>
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<p>Estelle: Oh, I was so worried. [grabs a couple of tissues from
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the box]</p>
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<p>George: Ma, don't cry!</p>
|
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<p>Estelle: Oh, I can't help it!</p>
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<p>George: Ma, your eyes!</p>
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<p>Estelle: Oh!</p>
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<p>[END]</p>
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<p>=============================================================</p>
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<p>Script by Anna K. Lee (AnnaKrL@aol.com)</p>
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<p>=============================================================</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><Spellchecked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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</div>
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<div id="navBar">
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<div id="upperBox">
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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var bannerSize = 2300;
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var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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}
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</script>
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</div>
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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function noSpam(user,domain) {
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locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
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window.location = locationstring;
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}
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-->
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</script>
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<div class="footer">
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<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var _gaq = _gaq || [];
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_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
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_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
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(function() {
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var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
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ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
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var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
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</script></body>
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