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<h1>The Good Samaritan</h1>
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<br>
Transcribed by Jon Cowan&nbsp;&nbsp; <br>
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site <br>
<small>(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits
as two lines above are included - Thanks)</small></p>
<p><br>
Seinfeld - 037 - The Good Samaritan</p>
<p><small>Guest Stars<br>
<a href="http://us.imdb.com/M/person-exact?+McGraw,+Melinda">Melinda McGraw</a>
[ Angela ], <br>
Ann Talman [ Robin ], <br>
Joseph Malone [ Michael ], <br>
<a href="http://us.imdb.com/M/person-exact?+Slater,+Helen">Helen Slater</a>
[ Becky Gelke] </small></p>
<p><small><em>Broadcast 4 Mar 92 <br>
Written by:: Peter Mehlman<br>
Directed by: Jason Alexander</em> </small><br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Jerry is driving alone talking on his car phone to Elaine at home in
her <br>
bed)<br>
Elaine: You know it's bad enough you have a car phone, you have to use
the <br>
speaker?<br>
<br>
Jerry: It's safer! Plus it's more annoying to the other person.<br>
<br>
(Driver cuts in front of Jerry)<br>
Jerry: Oh look at this guy.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What's goin' on?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh there's a guy trying to get in front of me, he has to ask <br>
permission. Yes. Go ahead. Get in, get in.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Did you get a thank you wave?<br>
<br>
Jerry: No, nothing. How could you not give a thank you wave? Hey buddy!
<br>
Where's my thank you wave?<br>
<br>
(Jerry sticks his head out the window)<br>
Jerry: Give me that wave!<br>
<br>
Elaine: Jerry, are you free on Friday?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah, I'm free, why?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Ah, God, I bumped into Robin Sandusky today, she asked me to have
<br>
dinner with her and her husband.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh my God! You won't believe what I just saw! A car just bashed
into <br>
a parked car, and sped off, right on my block!<br>
<br>
Elaine: You gotta follow that car!<br>
<br>
Jerry: What?!&nbsp; <br>
<br>
Elaine: You can't let him get away with that!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Elaine, the guy could be dangerous.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What are you, yellow?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'm not yella. (In a cowboy voice)<br>
<br>
Elaine: Jerry, if you don't follow him, you're yella.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Wait, he stopped, he's parking.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What? What? I can't hear you. Jerry?<br>
<br>
(Scene moves outside where Jerry get out of his car to confront other
<br>
driver, who as they come out of their car, is an attractive woman)<br>
Jerry: Uh, excuse me, uh, I was uh, driving behind you, uh, a few blocks
<br>
back, and I, I couldn't help, uh, maybe you didn't realize, uh, I witnessed
<br>
that, uh, um, you're tire's a little low. That can affect the performance
<br>
of the twin high-beam suspension, not to mention your rack and pinion
<br>
steering. (They both smile flirtatiously at each other)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to Jerry's apartment where Jerry and George are talking by
the <br>
table)<br>
Jerry: So I wound up going out for a decaf cappuccino with her.<br>
<br>
George: Boy! What a story! I'm speechless. Speechless. I have no speech.<br>
<br>
Jerry: You know, I really liked her. We talked. We flirted. And when she
<br>
left, she reached out and touched my arm.<br>
<br>
(Reaches out to touch Georges arm to demonstrate)<br>
Jerry: He, he, he. (Simulating her feminine laugh)<br>
<br>
George: I love when they touch your arm. I can't get enough of that. Why
is <br>
that?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Let's not even analyze it.<br>
<br>
(Jerry begins walking towards door)<br>
George: So you didn't turn her in?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I wanted to but I couldn't go through with it.<br>
<br>
George: Gonna see her again?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Friday night.<br>
<br>
(Intercom buzzes, Jerry presses the button)<br>
Jerry: Yep.<br>
<br>
Elaine: It's me!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Come on up.<br>
<br>
(Jerry unlocks and opens door)<br>
Jerry: By the way, Elaine does not need to know about anything.<br>
<br>
George: Hey, hey, hey! I dig.<br>
<br>
(George walks into kitchen and opens cupboard to get cups)<br>
Jerry: Oh, you dig?<br>
<br>
George: Yes! I see enormous potential here.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Why?<br>
<br>
(George pours two cups of milk)<br>
George: Because great couples always have a great story about how they
met. <br>
That's why I've never been in a long term relationship. I've never had
a <br>
good meeting story.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I wonder if I'm nuts for pursuing this woman at all.<br>
<br>
George: I don't think so.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Look, she slammed into a parked car! She took no responsibility
for <br>
mutilating the property of a stranger, then she sped off like a criminal!<br>
<br>
(Jerry takes a drink of his milk while both remain silent)<br>
Jerry: On the other hand, does that mean she should never be allowed to
date <br>
again? You scratch one car and you're forbidden to have social contact
for <br>
the rest of your life?!<br>
<br>
(Jerry looks at his cup in disgust)<br>
Jerry: What am I drinking, milk?<br>
<br>
(Elaine enters, hanging up her jacket)<br>
Elaine: Hey!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Hi.<br>
<br>
(Elaine tosses a sweater to Jerry)<br>
Elaine: Sweater.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Thank you.<br>
<br>
Elaine: So? What happened?<br>
<br>
(Jerry starts walking away)<br>
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
Jerry: With that?<br>
<br>
Elaine: With the car!<br>
<br>
Jerry: What car?<br>
<br>
Elaine: The hit and run!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, the hit and
run. <br>
Well. Actually, the guy went into Queens.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Queens?! You followed him over the bridge?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Over the bridge. (Making a pointing motion with his hand)<br>
<br>
(George walks out of the kitchen)<br>
George: Oh, well I didn't know you went into Queens Jerry.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah, Queens.<br>
<br>
Elaine: So? Then what?<br>
<br>
Jerry: So he gets out of the car, I say, &quot;Hey buddy! I saw you hit
that <br>
car!&quot; So he says to me, &quot;What are ya gonna do about it?&quot;<br>
<br>
(Elaine gasps)<br>
Jerry: So I said to him, &quot;Whatever's necessary.&quot;<br>
<br>
(Elaine stutters with her mouth open in amazement)<br>
Elaine: I am speechless. I am without speech.<br>
<br>
George: Tell her about the shoving.<br>
<br>
Jerry: What?<br>
<br>
(George smiles pointing at him)<br>
Elaine: What shoving?!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, it was nothing.<br>
<br>
George: No! Tell her.<br>
<br>
(Jerry looks at George with a grin)<br>
Jerry: Well he kinda lost his temper, and he was pushing me up against
the <br>
car. So I went into a karate stance. (Jerry assumes karate position and
does <br>
two punches)<br>
<br>
Elaine: You know karate??<br>
<br>
Jerry: I know a little.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well, this is so, amazing to me! Jerry what did do?<br>
<br>
Jerry: He backed off. Pretty pathetic actually.<br>
<br>
(Kramer enters)<br>
Kramer: Hey! (Group does likewise)<br>
<br>
Elaine: Did you tell Kramer?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Ah, nah! (Waving his hand and walking away)<br>
<br>
Kramer: What? What? What? Tell me.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Jerry saw this guy crash into a car, and he followed him.<br>
<br>
(Jerry looks at Kramer and raises both his arms smiling)<br>
Kramer: Good for you! What kind of a sick lowlife would do a thing like
<br>
that? You know those people, you know they're mentally disturbed. (Pointing
<br>
a finger at Jerry)<br>
<br>
Kramer: They should be sent to Australia.<br>
<br>
(Jerry has a confused look)<br>
Jerry: Australia?<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, that's where England used to send their convicts.<br>
<br>
Jerry: But not anymore.<br>
<br>
Kramer: No.<br>
<br>
(Everyone pauses and looks at Kramer)<br>
Elaine: Hey Kramer, Kramer!<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yeah?<br>
<br>
Elaine: What happened to you right here? (She pointing to her forehead)<br>
<br>
Kramer: I don't know!<br>
<br>
(Jerry smiles and shakes his head)<br>
Kramer: You know I was watching Entertainment Tonight, and uh, suddenly
I <br>
got dizzy. And the next thing I know I hit my head on the coffee table.<br>
<br>
(Elaine has a look of surprise)<br>
Elaine: Well, that is, that is strange.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yep. (Mumbles off)<br>
<br>
(Elaine walks toward door)<br>
Elaine: Alright, oh Jerry, we're still on for Friday night, right?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh Friday, I can't, I'm sorry, I have a date.<br>
<br>
(Elaine closes door and walks back toward Jerry)<br>
Elaine: But last night you said you were free! (Sounding very disappointed)<br>
<br>
Jerry: We just met.<br>
<br>
(Kramer is tapping his temple with his finger)<br>
Kramer: Maybe it was a reaction to the sardines.<br>
<br>
Elaine: But I, I can't go alone!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Ask George to go with you.<br>
<br>
Elaine: George, come on! I'll pay for you.<br>
<br>
George: You'll pay? I'm there.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Why do you even need anybody?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Because I hate being at a table alone, with a married couple.
<br>
Talking about their married friends, and their married furniture. They're
<br>
always trying to make me feel like their life is so much better than mine.
<br>
You know, I have a very exciting life. It's very exciting. (As she's closing
<br>
the door to leave)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to restaurant with Elaine, George, and the married couple,
<br>
Michael and Robin, sitting down talking, George is mainly focused on eating
<br>
his meal)<br>
Robin: You went out with a bullfighter?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yes, well, an ex-bullfighter now.<br>
<br>
Michael: Wow.<br>
<br>
Robin: What was his name?<br>
<br>
Elaine: His name? Name, um, his name was uh, uh, Eduardo Carochio.<br>
<br>
(George points across the table)<br>
George: Pass the salt please.<br>
<br>
Robin: Where did you meet him?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Um, actually, I met him in Switzerland, and he was fighting uh,
is <br>
that the word they use? Fighting? Because they don't really fight the
<br>
bull, they avoid fighting the bull.<br>
<br>
(Elaine and couple laugh, George points at the bread)<br>
George: Bread.<br>
<br>
(Elaine hands bread to George)<br>
Elaine: I just love meeting new people. You know that's how you really
do <br>
learn about life.<br>
<br>
(Robin sneezes, no one says anything, George lifts his head and looks
at <br>
Michael)<br>
George: God bless you.<br>
<br>
(Robin smiles)<br>
Robin: Thank you.<br>
<br>
George: I wasn't going to say anything, but then I could see that he wasn't
<br>
going to open his mouth. (Chuckles)<br>
<br>
(Michael stops pouring wine and looks seriously at George)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to Jerry's car, where Jerry and hit-and-run woman are both
<br>
eating an ice cream cones)<br>
Woman: You know who's a good actor? Anthony Quinn.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Oh, Anthony Quinn, fine actor. But from what I understand, not
a very <br>
good driver. Hits everything on the road. But always leaves a note.<br>
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
<br>
Woman: Did you ever see Zorba the Greek?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Excellent film. In fact Quinn said he never felt so good as when
he <br>
left a note after smacking into a car.<br>
<br>
(Woman touches Jerry's hair, smiling)<br>
Woman: Come here.<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves back to restaurant where an argument has developed between
<br>
Michael and George)<br>
George: Really, I was, I was only kidding around.<br>
<br>
Robin: He was only joking Michael.<br>
<br>
(Michael throws down his serviette)<br>
Michael: You think you're so damn special because you say 'God bless you'?<br>
<br>
George: No, no, I don't think I'm special. My mother always said I'm not
<br>
special.<br>
<br>
Robin: He was only joking Michael! Sorry.<br>
<br>
Michael: All right! Take his side!<br>
<br>
Robin: I am not taking his side.<br>
<br>
Michael: Well who's side are you taking?!<br>
<br>
Robin: Well I'm not taking your side!<br>
<br>
(Robin sneezes, George gestures to Michael that the floor is his)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves back to Jerry's car, where Jerry and the hit-and-run woman
are <br>
now kissing)<br>
Jerry: Kirk Douglas. Now there's another very bad driver. But he's such
an <br>
unbelievable guy, that when he hits someone, he doesn't even leave a note.
<br>
He sits in his car and waits for the other person to show up so he can
<br>
exchange license, registration, and apologize.<br>
<br>
(Woman pulls Jerry back in and starts kissing him again)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves back to Jerry apartment with George talking outside Jerry
room, <br>
where Jerry is)<br>
George: I said 'God bless you'. Was that so wrong?<br>
<br>
Jerry: The question is, did you allow a space for the husband to come
in <br>
with his 'God bless you'? Because as the husband, he has the right to
first <br>
refusal.<br>
<br>
(George makes a confused look. The intercom buzzes, Jerry walks over and
<br>
presses the button)<br>
Elaine: It's me.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Come on up.<br>
<br>
(Jerry unlocks door, conversation moves into kitchen)<br>
George: Yes, yes, I definitely waited. But let me say this: Once he passes
<br>
on that option, that 'God bless you' is up for grabs.<br>
<br>
Jerry: No argument. Unless, she's one of these multiple sneezers, and
he's <br>
holding his 'God bless you' in abeyance, until she completes the series.<br>
<br>
George: Well I don't think she is a multiple sneezer, because she sneezed
<br>
again later, and it was also a single.<br>
<br>
Jerry: What if she's having an off night?<br>
<br>
(Elaine walks in, Jerry goes to sit down on sofa)<br>
Elaine: Hi!<br>
<br>
Jerry. Hi.<br>
<br>
(Elaine takes her coat off and walks into kitchen)<br>
Elaine: Well! If it isn't mister gesuntheit!<br>
<br>
(George walks out of kitchen)<br>
George: Oh ya, like there's something wrong with saying 'God bless you'.
I <br>
was raised to say 'God bless you'.<br>
<br>
(Jerry sneezes)<br>
George: Ah, shut up.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What does it mean anyway? 'God bless you'. It's a stupid <br>
'stuperstition'.<br>
<br>
(Elaine sits on sofa, George sits on arm of sofa)<br>
Jerry: A stupid what?<br>
<br>
(Elaine looks at Jerry)<br>
Elaine: Whatever.<br>
<br>
Jerry: You know, if you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze,
<br>
you shouldn't say 'God bless you', you should say, 'You're soo good <br>
lookin''.<br>
<br>
(Elaine nods, George rolls his eyes)<br>
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, that's better than 'God bless you'. Anyway, she left
a <br>
message on my machine, she wants you to call her.<br>
<br>
George: Who?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Robin!<br>
<br>
(George looks quickly at Elaine)<br>
George: Why?!<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well I assumed she called to apologize, that's why she called
me.<br>
<br>
(George stands up)<br>
Jerry: Entertainment Tonight's on.<br>
<br>
George: Where's the remote phone?<br>
<br>
Jerry: Bedroom.<br>
<br>
(George walks toward Jerry's bedroom)<br>
Elaine: Hey, grab Jerry's sweater for me, would you?<br>
<br>
(Theme music plays on TV, Kramer walks in, waves at Jerry and Elaine,
then <br>
walks over to Jerry's bookshelf, dancing to the music. Voice of Mary Hart
<br>
starts on TV and Kramer starts having a wild seizure behind the sofa.)<br>
Jerry: What's it like out?<br>
<br>
(Kramer continues to shake behind sofa)<br>
Elaine: Chilly out.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Can I take a sweater?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yeah, you can take a sweater if you want to.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Scarf?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Nah, hey, shut this off, shut it off.<br>
<br>
(Jerry and Elaine finally notice Kramer as he finishes)<br>
Jerry: What's the matter? What's going on?<br>
<br>
(Kramer is looking around like he's lost)<br>
Kramer: What happened?!<br>
<br>
Elaine: What?<br>
<br>
Kramer: I think I hit my head again!<br>
<br>
Jerry: What is wrong?!<br>
<br>
(Elaine is pointing at the TV)<br>
Elaine: Hey, hey, wait a minute! Let me ask you something. Kramer, the
last <br>
time you hit your head, was Mary Hart on TV?<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yeah.<br>
<br>
(Elaine claps her hands together then stands up)<br>
Elaine: That is it!<br>
<br>
Kramer: What?<br>
<br>
(Elaine walks toward Kramer pointing her finger at him)<br>
Elaine: That is it! Mary Hart's voice, don't you see? There's something
<br>
about Mary Hart's voice that's giving you seizures. Just like, just like,
<br>
just like that woman in Albany!<br>
<br>
(George walks out of Jerry's bedroom toward kitchen, Kramer sits down)<br>
Kramer: Mary Hart!<br>
<br>
George: God.<br>
<br>
Elaine: What?<br>
<br>
George: Well she apologized, and then she wanted to know if we could get
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
<br>
together Wednesday afternoon.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Get together?<br>
<br>
George: Maybe she just wants to talk to me?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Married women don't 'get together'. They have affairs.<br>
<br>
(George walks to other side of sofa)<br>
George: Oh my God, an affair. That's so adult. It's like with stockings
and <br>
martinis, and William Holden. On the other hand it probably wouldn't cost
me <br>
any money.<br>
<br>
(George sits on chair)<br>
Elaine: Are you actually considering this?<br>
<br>
George: I can't have an affair with a married woman, that's despicable!<br>
<br>
Elaine: Yeah, it's like hitting a car and driving away without leaving
a <br>
note.<br>
<br>
(Jerry moves around sofa as if uncomfortable)<br>
Jerry: Yeah.<br>
<br>
(Kramer walks out of washroom)<br>
Kramer: Hey, you know who owns that car?<br>
<br>
Jerry: What car?<br>
<br>
Kramer: The one that was hit a couple of nights ago.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Yeah who?<br>
<br>
Kramer: That blond across the street. You know the one with the long <br>
ponytail, she wears those blue sweatpants.<br>
<br>
(Jerry stands up and walks toward kitchen)<br>
Jerry: The blond with the blue sweatpants! Yeah, I think I've seen her.<br>
<br>
(Elaine nods, smiling)<br>
Elaine: Well I've got to get going. I'm meeting a guy with grey sweatpants.<br>
<br>
(Elaine walks out door, Kramer follows)<br>
Kramer: Wait, wait, wait, how do you know it's not John Tesh?<br>
<br>
(Jerry closes door behind them, then runs over to George very excited)<br>
Jerry: The blond with the blue sweatpants!<br>
<br>
George: Well, who is she?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I've had a crush on this woman for year! I've always been afraid
to <br>
approach her! She looks like she belongs on one of these Hallmark cards.<br>
<br>
George: Oh right, right! The blue sweatpants! Gees, it's too bad you can't
<br>
say anything because of Angela.<br>
<br>
(Jerry sits down, disgruntled, flips aimlessly through a magazine)<br>
Jerry: Oh yeah. Too bad. Angela. Lousy thug. I mean what kind of sick
person <br>
does something like that? That woman belongs in prison! I mean, I actually
<br>
owe it to society to do something about this! I can't sit by and allow
this <br>
to go on. It's a moral issue is what it is!<br>
<br>
(Jerry and George are both pointing their fingers at each other)<br>
George: You can't compromise your principles!<br>
<br>
Jerry: How am I going to live with myself?!<br>
<br>
George: Can't live!<br>
<br>
Jerry: I'm not religious, but I certainly know where to draw the line!<br>
<br>
George: This country needs more people like you!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Don't sell yourself short saying 'God bless you' to every Tom,
Dick <br>
and Harry in great personal risk.<br>
<br>
George: I believe strongly in that as you know.<br>
<br>
Jerry: There should be more people like us.<br>
<br>
George: That's why the world's in the shape it's in.<br>
<br>
Jerry: You're telling me.<br>
<br>
(Jerry and George both flip pages simultaneously and start reading their
<br>
magazines)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to apartment across street, where Jerry is talking to the
girl <br>
with the blue sweatpants, Becky Gelke, outside her door)<br>
Jerry: Anyway, I just wanted you to know, that I'm going to do everything
I <br>
can to make sure the party responsible is made to be responsible or <br>
something very close to that.<br>
<br>
(Becky touches Jerry's arm, smiling)<br>
Becky: Well God bless you.<br>
<br>
(Jerry pauses)<br>
Jerry: Thank you very much.<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to George's apartment, where George and Robin are together
in <br>
bed)<br>
George: Oh my God. I must be crazy. What have I done?<br>
<br>
Robin: Oh no, what's wrong?<br>
<br>
George: What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. I just committed adultery!<br>
<br>
Robin: You didn't commit adultery, I did.<br>
<br>
George: Oh yeah.<br>
<br>
Robin: If I didn't do it with you, I would have done it with someone else.<br>
<br>
George: Well, I wouldn't want you to do that. You know there's a lot of
<br>
losers out there.<br>
<br>
Robin: Maybe even someone who didn't say 'God bless you'.<br>
<br>
George: Well, that's a given.<br>
<br>
Robin: In three years with Michael, not one 'God bless you'.<br>
<br>
George: Must be hell living in that house.<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to Elaine's apartment, where she is talking on the phone
to <br>
Michael)<br>
Michael: Hi, it's Michael.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Hi, Michael!<br>
<br>
Michael: Is Robin there?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Robin? No, why?<br>
<br>
Michael: Uh, she said she was going to be with you.<br>
<br>
Elaine: No I haven't spoken to her all day-uh, yeah right, um, as a matter
<br>
of fact, um, she was here, and she uh, left a note, but I wasn't here,
but I <br>
have the note, uh, right here.<br>
<br>
(Elaine sits on the couch and crumples newspaper into the phone)<br>
Michael: If she's not with you, then where is she?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well I, I don't know.<br>
<br>
Michael: Is she with your bald friend from the other night?!<br>
<br>
Elaine: No, no, come on Michael!<br>
<br>
Michael: He's finished! I'm going to sew his ass to his face! I'm going
to <br>
twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows! I'm going to break
his <br>
joints, and reattach them!<br>
<br>
(Michael sneezes)<br>
Elaine: You're soo good lookin'.<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves back to Jerry's apartment, where Jerry and Angela are talking
<br>
by the sofa)<br>
Angela: Now you listen to me, suck face! You tell anybody, anything, and
I <br>
will carve my initials in your brain tissue!<br>
<br>
Jerry: Let me rephra-<br>
<br>
Angela: I'll bash your skull into a vegematic like a bad cabbage, and
I'll <br>
have a party on your head!<br>
<br>
(Elaine walks in)<br>
Jerry: Hi Elaine, this is Angela.<br>
<br>
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
Angela: I'll pluck all your body hairs out with my teeth!<br>
<br>
(Jerry walks past her away from the kitchen)<br>
Jerry: Well I think I get the gist of it.<br>
<br>
Angela: So you don't say anything to anybody about me hitting that car!<br>
<br>
(Jerry shrugs)<br>
Jerry: What car?<br>
<br>
(Jerry hands Angela her purse)<br>
Angela: Good. I'm glad we understand each other.<br>
<br>
Jerry: It's not complicated.<br>
<br>
(Angela walks out and down hall, Elaine waves)<br>
Elaine: Very nice meeting you!<br>
<br>
(Intercom buzzes, Elaine hits button while walking toward Jerry)<br>
Elaine: Come on up.<br>
<br>
(Elaine laughs)<br>
Elaine: Well, well, well, Mr. Seinfeld! That must have been so frightening!
<br>
When you confronted that guy, in Queens! Now, let's just see if I've got
<br>
this scenario right.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Alright Elaine.<br>
<br>
Elaine: No, no, no, no, no. Because I'm picturing 'French Connection',
kind <br>
of thing. You know? Sort of a Popeye Doyle chase through the city!<br>
<br>
Jerry: It was just a couple of blocks.<br>
<br>
(Elaine takes cup from Jerry and sets it on counter)<br>
Elaine: Oh no, no, come on. Don't be so modest!<br>
<br>
(George walks in open door, and into kitchen. Elaine walks toward him,
Jerry <br>
goes to washroom)<br>
George: Hey.<br>
<br>
Elaine: Oh, did you check you machine?<br>
<br>
(George takes glass from cupboard)<br>
George: No, why, what's happening?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Michael called me today, and he asked me where Robin was.<br>
<br>
George: Yeah, okay.<br>
<br>
Elaine: And I said I hadn't seen her.<br>
<br>
George: What?!<br>
<br>
Elaine: No, no George! You don't understand! She didn't tell me she was
<br>
using me as an excuse! Okay?! But then I realized what was going on, and
I <br>
said that she left a note. Um, but he didn't really buy that. And then,
and <br>
then he did mention your name.<br>
<br>
George: He mentioned my name?! What did he say?!<br>
<br>
Elaine: He said he was going to sew your ass to your face.<br>
<br>
George: What? Why couldn't you think of something?!<br>
<br>
Elaine: Well I don't know, he caught me off guard!<br>
<br>
George: You lie! How hard is it to lie?!<br>
<br>
(Jerry walks back from washroom)<br>
Jerry: It's not that hard.<br>
<br>
(Elaine points finger at George)<br>
Elaine: Well who told you to sleep with her George?!<br>
<br>
George: It's not my fault! I wasn't going to do anything until you got
her <br>
all juiced up with your story about having the affair with the matador!<br>
<br>
Elaine: Oh Gosh! None of this would never have happened if you wouldn't
have <br>
said 'God bless you'!<br>
<br>
George: Oh don't-<br>
<br>
(Jerry raises his arms)<br>
Jerry: Hold it! Hold it! Hold it people! Matador? What matador?<br>
<br>
George: She told this couple she had an affair with a matador.<br>
<br>
Jerry: A matador! Well, well, well. Uno momento por favor. Pray tell,
what <br>
was the young man's name?<br>
<br>
Elaine: Uh, Eduardo, uh, Carochio.<br>
<br>
(Jerry uses hand towel to mimic matador)<br>
Jerry: Eduardo, Carochio! That's good. That's very good. Kind of just
rolls <br>
of the tongue. I wonder where on the upper west side a single girl might
<br>
meet a matador? Perhaps Zabars? Or Ray's Pizza!<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to Becky's apartment, where Jerry is talking to her outside
her <br>
door)<br>
Jerry: Anyway, this person told me to tell you to get an estimate on the
<br>
damage.<br>
<br>
Becky: Well, I already got an estimate. It's $875.<br>
<br>
Jerry: $875?<br>
<br>
Becky: That's right.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Uh, well, I'll tell you what. Um, I'll give you a check, and then
<br>
this person can pay me back.<br>
<br>
(Jerry takes out checkbook, and start writing)<br>
Jerry: Um, who do I make it out to?<br>
<br>
Becky: Becky Gelke. G-E-L-K-E.<br>
<br>
Jerry: So, what are you doing this weekend?<br>
<br>
(Jerry hands check to Becky)<br>
Becky: You have got some nerve! You smash up my car, you don't admit it,
and <br>
now you want to ask me out on a date?<br>
<br>
Jerry: I didn't do it!<br>
<br>
Becky: Yeah righ-<br>
<br>
(Becky sneezes)<br>
Jerry: You are soo good lookin'.<br>
<br>
(Becky closes door)<br>
Becky: Thank you.<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to Jerry's apartment where Jerry is changing in bedroom and
<br>
George is looking out window)<br>
George: Jerry, let's go! You ready?<br>
<br>
(Jerry walks out of bedroom)<br>
Jerry: You sure you want to do this? I'm going to be on the road for three
<br>
weeks!<br>
<br>
George: Excuse me, I've got a maniac stalking me, I'm not staying in the
<br>
city.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Alright!<br>
<br>
(George put his bag over his shoulder)<br>
George: Come on let's get out of here.<br>
<br>
(Kramer enters)<br>
Kramer: How could you?<br>
<br>
Jerry: What?!<br>
<br>
Kramer: Man! I never thought you were capable of this!<br>
<br>
Jerry: What did I do?<br>
<br>
Kramer: I just talked to Becky Gelke outside, she told me how you hit
and <br>
ran.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I-<br>
<br>
Kramer: I don't even want to look at you anymore! All these years of <br>
friendship and you're nothing but a felon. You're an embarrassment to
the <br>
building.<br>
<br>
Jerry: I didn't do it! I just had to pay her to cover for somebody else!<br>
<br>
Kramer: Now you're not going to lie to me, are you?<br>
<br>
(Jerry is putting on sweater)<br>
Jerry: No, never.<br>
<br>
Kramer: Alright. Well. Glad we got that straightened out because I've
got a <br>
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
date with her.<br>
<br>
Jerry: You got a date with Becky Gelke?!<br>
<br>
Kramer: Yeah, going out with her Saturday night.<br>
<br>
George: Jerry, can we get out of here?!<br>
<br>
Kramer: As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have even
had <br>
an excuse to talk to her.<br>
<br>
Jerry: Well I'm happy to help, in any way that I can.<br>
<br>
(Jerry yanks coat out of George's hands)<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------<br>
<br>
(Scene moves to outside Becky's apartment. Kramer is walking toward her
<br>
door, hair slicked back, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He knocks
on <br>
her door, she opens. Mary Hart's voice is playing on the TV in the distance.
<br>
Kramer starts having a violent seizure.)<br>
<br>
<br>
</p>
<p><br>
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site
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