1137 lines
48 KiB
HTML
1137 lines
48 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Hamptons</h1>
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Episode 85</p>
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<p>Transcript by Ethan Brown</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Opening Monologue: Look at the work people do to get to the ocean.</p>
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<p>They'll fight the traffic and the heat and the parking and the
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hot sand.</p>
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<p>Trying to get through the waves, and the ironic thing is the ocean
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doesn't</p>
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<p>even want us in there. That's what surfing is. Surfing is the ocean</p>
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<p>throwing us out of itself, you see? We keep trying to paddle in,
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the</p>
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<p>ocean's saying, "No you don't." The ocean is like a nightclub
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and the</p>
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<p>waves are bouncers tossin' us out. The undertow's like a really
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mean</p>
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<p>bouncer. Instead of throwin' you out, they take you in back and
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rough you</p>
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<p>up a little bit. "Oh, you wanna come in? How 'bout comin'
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in like 25</p>
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<p>miles?"</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Jerry driving in his car, with Elaine in passenger seat and Kramer
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in</p>
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<p>back seat.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: All right, get off at the next exit.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Kramer, I've driven to the Hamptons many times, I know the
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exit.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: It's a great house, pool's something? Yeah, I'll be there.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: (To Elaine) You sure we're makin' the right move?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: We gotta see the new baby anyway, at least we'll get a
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weekend in</p>
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<p>the Hamptons out of it.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Didn't they just have a baby?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: That was two years ago, remember? 'Jeh-Ree, you gotta see
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the</p>
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<p>Bay-Bee! You gotta see the Bay-Bee!'</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Is it possible they're just having babies to get people
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to visit</p>
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<p>them?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey Jerry, you ever wear silk underwear?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Put that on the top of your list.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, not for me. A little too delightful. Well, George and
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Jane</p>
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<p>should be almost there by now.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, isn't that weird that George and Jane haven't had sex
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yet, but</p>
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<p>they're spending the weekend together?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: I know, George is pretty pleased about it. It's like she
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signed a</p>
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<p>letter of intent.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: When's Rachel comin' out?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: She's makin' the three o'clock train.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Her father is so religious, I'm just amazed that he's letting
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you</p>
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<p>see her again after that Schindler's List make-out session.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: I bought him some kishka.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: What's that?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: It's kind of a stuffed meat thing. Israeli soldiers carry
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it. In</p>
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<p>case they're captured behind enemy lines, they eat it and it kills
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them.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% George and Jane in another car driving to the Hamptons.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: I never tasted a cough medicine I didn't love.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: Me too. I love cough medicine.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: You see? We were made for each other. (Thinking to himself)
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It's</p>
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<p>amazing. If I reach out and touch her breast right not, she'd scream
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and</p>
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<p>throw me out of the car. But at this time tomorrow, I could touch
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it all I</p>
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<p>want.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: What's your favorite?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Pertussin. Ever try it with club soda?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: No.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Oh, very refreshing. (Thinking again) Sex is like joining
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a</p>
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<p>private club. I'll be the same me tomorrow, but suddenly, the no</p>
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<p>trespassing sign will be gone.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: Are we almost there?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Yeah, about ten, fifteen minutes. But I have to stop at
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a</p>
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<p>vegetable stand.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: What for?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: My mother loves Hampton tomatoes. She's nuts for Hampton
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tomatoes.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: Can you buy 'em later? I really wanna get some... sun.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% George, Jane, Kramer, and Jerry outside of the house in the back.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey Jerry. Rub some lotion on my back.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Who are you, Mrs. Robinson?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Come on, I'll rub some on yours.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, that's no sweet'ning the deal. No.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: (To Jane) You know, when I was a kid, I once found a dollar
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and</p>
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<p>fifty cents in change on the bottom of the pool.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: (No feeling in her voice) You must've been excited.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: Yeah. Hey, you know, I gotta go get these tomatoes. You
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wanna go</p>
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<p>for a ride?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: I don't think so.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>George: 'Kay. I'll uh, I'll see you later. Anybody want some tomatoes?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No thanks.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: No. (George leaves for the tomatoes)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: I'm gonna take a dip. (She leaves for beach, Elaine enters</p>
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<p>with a shady hat on)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: And then there's Maude. (She sits down next to Jerry)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Look at my face, look at it. You see any lines?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No lines.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: You know why? One word: shade.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: So when're we gonna see this baby? When is the momentous
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event?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: I don't know. They're takin' a nap or something.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm gonna go see if there are any girls on the beach. Elaine,
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you</p>
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<p>wanna come?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: (Sarcastic) No thanks. I got plenty of girlfriends.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: (Looking toward beach) Oh this is interesting.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: What?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Jane's topless. (They all look)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yo yo ma.</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Boutros Boutros-Ghali.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Nice rack. (Carol and Michael inside open back door)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Come on, you guys. You can come on and see the bay-bee!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, in a minute, Carol.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: We're gonna be right there.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: This is weird wild stuff. George hasn't even seen her yet.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Why do you think we're getting the sneak preview?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Maybe she's trying to create a buzz.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: What?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: You know, get some good word of mouth goin'.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, here she comes. (They pretend to not have watched as
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Jane</p>
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<p>enters)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jane: I'm thirsty. Anyone want a drink?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: No thanks.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: I'm good.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Kramer: Deh-deh-deh-deh- (Jane exits) All right, show's over. I'm
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goin'</p>
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<p>to the beach.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Carol enters the Bay-bee's room with Elaine, Jerry, and husband
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Michael</p>
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<p>not far behind.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Adam (the baby's name), Jerry and Elaine are here.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, he's a cute little shnugly baby.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Isn't he gorgeous? (Elaine looks at baby, only to be frightened</p>
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<p>and turn away)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Ugghh.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Is she gorgeous? (Elaine + Jerry looking away)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, gorgeous, yes.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: So very gorgeous.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Michael, shut the door! You're letting bugs in.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Cut to Kramer on the beach with some girls, then using a metal
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detector,</p>
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<p>then seeing a rope leading to something he doesn't know of yet.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Jerry and Elaine gasping for air outside after they just left
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the baby's</p>
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<p>room.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Is it me or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Uh, I couldn't look. It was like the Pekinese.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool. (They
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sit)</p>
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<p>And, you know, the thing is, they're never gonna know, no one's
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ever gonna</p>
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<p>tell them.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, you have to lie.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: It's a must lie situation.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yes, it's a must lie situation.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: You know, I don't think we should tell George we saw Jane
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topless.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: No, I don't think so.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: You know, we might want to tell Kramer.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Cut to Kramer reeling in a box of lobster on the ocean.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>% Carol and the bay-bee's doctor with the bay-bee.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Ben: Oh this ointment should do it.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: How are you feeling, Adam? (She sees Elaine in the hall)
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Elaine!</p>
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<p>(Elaine enters) This is our pediatrician, Ben Feffa.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hi.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Look at him, Elaine. How gorgeous is he? I ask you, how
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gorgeous?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: (Looking at Ben) Pretty gorgeous.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Ben: Elaine, you have children?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Me? Oh no, but I'd love to have a baby, I mean, I can't
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wait to</p>
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<p>have a baby. I'm just dyin' to have a baby.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Ben: A beautiful woman like you should. You're quite</p>
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<p>breathtaking.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Breathtaking? I'm breathtaking?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: And he's very particular. Ben, you're staying tonight, right?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Ben: Sure. (Elaine celebrates to herself as Jerry enters and</p>
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<p>quickly looks away from the baby)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Ah, I'm gonna go pick up Rachel at the station.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, see ya.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry: Okay. (He leaves)</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Carol: Oh, just look at him!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: Yeah, he really is breathtaking. (Elaine confused by his</p>
|
|
<p>comment)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and Rachel outside.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Train was so crowded. I had to sit in the seat facing the
|
|
wrong</p>
|
|
<p>way.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh I like that. It's like going back in time. (George comes</p>
|
|
<p>outside)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey Rachel!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: (Quickly gets out of seat) Hi. I'm gonna go in there to
|
|
change.</p>
|
|
<p>(She leaves)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: What kind of a greeting was that?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: She's got greeting problems.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah. I love Hampton tomatoes. You know, you can eat 'em
|
|
like</p>
|
|
<p>apples. You know it's funny, the tomato never took on as a hand
|
|
fruit.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, the tomato's an anomaly. So successful with the ketchup</p>
|
|
<p>and the sauce, but you can't find a good one. (Kramer enters with
|
|
a box of</p>
|
|
<p>lobster)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, hey, hey! Look at what I got!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey! Wow, the K-Man! (They walk into the kitchen inside)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You got lobster for everybody?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, and they're fresh! Right out of the ocean.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: This is fantastic. Man, what a weekend. Swimming, lobster
|
|
for</p>
|
|
<p>dinner...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I know, it's great. And I saw Jane topless. (Jerry shows
|
|
that</p>
|
|
<p>'damn' expression behind George)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: You saw who, what?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, I saw Jane topless. Well, we all saw her.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Jerry realizes the situation is hopeless) All right.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: You saw Jane topless?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, when you went for the tomatoes she lied out topless.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh you mean face down on her chest.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Face up on her back?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well why'd she do that?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I guess she was hot.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: You mean she just laid there topless?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Kramer: No, no, she got up, walked around...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Walked around? And you looked?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Of course. She's got a great body, buddy. All right, I'm
|
|
gonna go</p>
|
|
<p>upstairs, I'll be right back. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I can't believe it, you saw her before me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Think of me as a doctor. (They go outside again)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, how good a look did you get?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well what'd you mean?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, if she was a criminal and you had to describe her
|
|
to a police</p>
|
|
<p>sketch artist...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: They'd pick her up in about ten minutes.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Great, great. So anytime you want you can just visualize
|
|
her</p>
|
|
<p>naked.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I guess that's true...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Stop it, stop it! It's not fair. It's not fair. I don't
|
|
like</p>
|
|
<p>this situation, Jerry. I don't like it one bit.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What do you want me to do? You wanna see Rachel naked?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes, yes! The punishment should fit the crime.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You can see me naked. I can offer you that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: It's like I'm Neil Armstrong. I turn around for a sip of
|
|
Tang and</p>
|
|
<p>you jump out first.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and Rachel in their room, with Elaine there as well.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Nobody ever called me breathtaking before.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I've never been called breathtaking either.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I mean, if he thinks that that baby's breathtaking, then
|
|
who's not</p>
|
|
<p>breathtaking?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Maybe he just said it because the mother was in the room.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, right, that's a possibility. I have to find out.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: How are you gonna do that?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I can be very clever.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: I'm gonna take a swim.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, me too. I'll meet you down. (She goes in the hall and
|
|
sees</p>
|
|
<p>George) Oh, don't go in, Rachel's getting undressed.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, okay. (Starts to walk other way and then walks to their
|
|
room</p>
|
|
<p>and goes in)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Hey!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, sorry.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Don't you knock?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I'm sorry, uh, it's not like I'm gonna see something I've
|
|
never</p>
|
|
<p>seen before.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You might have.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I didn't.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You won't.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: What'd you want anyway, George?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yes, George. I'm kind of wondering myself. What is it what
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p>want?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: No, I was just wondering... if you guys, uh, had any gum.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh! So you were swimming in the pool, and you wanted some
|
|
gum.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes, because the water was cold... and the chewing warms
|
|
me up.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: We don't have any gum.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Okay. (Chewing) Thanks anyway. (Continues to chew as he
|
|
exits)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Strange man.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Wait'll you get to know him.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: So where is this baby, anyway?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, check it out. I guarantee you've never seen anything
|
|
quite so</p>
|
|
<p>objectionable. It's down the hall, third door on your left. (Rachel
|
|
walks</p>
|
|
<p>down hall, walks in on George changing out of his swimsuit)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: (She screams) Oh my God! I'm sorry, I thought this was
|
|
the baby's</p>
|
|
<p>room. I'm really sorry. (She exits)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I was in the pool! I was in the pool!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and George talking in Jerry's room.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Did she do it on purpose?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It was my fault, I told her the wrong door.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I was supposed to see her. She wasn't supposed to see me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So what?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well ordinarily I wouldn't mind. But...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: But...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the
|
|
water was</p>
|
|
<p>cold...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh... You mean... shrinkage.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes. Significant shrinkage!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So you feel you were short changed.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Yes! I mean, if she thinks that's me she's under a complete</p>
|
|
<p>misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, so what's the difference?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: What if she discusses it with Jane?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: How do you know?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Women aren't like us.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about</p>
|
|
<p>everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage
|
|
factor?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I'm not gonna tell her about your shrinkage. Besides,
|
|
I think</p>
|
|
<p>women know about shrinkage.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: How do women know about shrinkage? (They see Elaine walking
|
|
down</p>
|
|
<p>the hall) Elaine! Get! (She enters) Do women know about shrinkage?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What do you mean, like laundry?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: No.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: It shrinks?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Why does it shrink?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: It just does.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Everyone at the dinner table eating Kramer's lobster.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: Thanks for the lobster, Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Rachel, aren't you gonna have any?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Oh, no, I can't. I'm kosher, we don't eat shellfish.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You mean you've never tasted lobster?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: No.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Kramer: Wow. You're so pious. I really respect that. You know when
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p>die, you're gonna get some special attention.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Carol: Oh, the baby's crying. I'll go get him. He can sit with
|
|
us.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine + Jerry: No!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, you don't wanna do that. You'll be uncomfortable.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, finish eating. The baby's not gonna have any fun
|
|
over here.</p>
|
|
<p>We're not fun for a baby.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, the lobster'll scare him.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Carol: I'm gonna get him.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: See, look at this. Rachel, my T-shirt shrunk. It used to
|
|
be much</p>
|
|
<p>bigger, and now it shrunk. You see, that's what water does. It
|
|
shrinks</p>
|
|
<p>things.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Really? Tell us more, Mr. Science. (Rachel whispers in
|
|
Jane's</p>
|
|
<p>ear, which prompts Jane to laugh)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: What're you doing? What're you, telling secrets? What're
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p>laughing at?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jane: It's nothing, George.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: You know, it's very impolite to tell secrets. Are you talking</p>
|
|
<p>about me?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jane: What is it with you?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (To George) Easy big fella.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: So Kramer, where'd you get all these lobster, at the</p>
|
|
<p>Fleesher's Market?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No, I got 'em in the ocean.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: The ocean? What'd you mean?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, I found this rope and I kept tugging on it, and all
|
|
these</p>
|
|
<p>lobsters came up.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: Those are commercial lobster traps. You can't take those</p>
|
|
<p>lobsters from there. That's against the law.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Take it easy. There's plenty of lobsters in the ocean for</p>
|
|
<p>everyone.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: My father was a lobsterman. He got up every morning at</p>
|
|
<p>four and came home every night stinking of brine. He sent me through
|
|
law</p>
|
|
<p>school with the lobsters he caught! (Kramer stands up from table)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Carol: (Entering with baby) Here he is.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Ahhh! (Falls to floor as he sees the baby)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Out on the porch, Ben and Elaine.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Some night, huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: Yeah, I wish I had my telescope.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Some dinner, huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: Nothing like fresh caught lobster.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Some house, huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: It was built by Mark Farman.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Some ugly baby, huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: What did you say?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I said, uh, some snuggly baby.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: He is something.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, to tell you the truth, Dr. Feffa, I , I was surprised
|
|
to hear</p>
|
|
<p>you use a word like breathtaking to describe a baby, I mean, because
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p>also used it referring to me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: Well, you know Elaine, sometimes you say things just to be</p>
|
|
<p>nice. (Elaine relieved, then confused, not knowing if he was being
|
|
nice to</p>
|
|
<p>her or to the baby)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Rachel and Jerry in their room.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You told her?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Yeah, what's the big deal?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You don't understand. This organ, it's very... schizophrenic.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Jerry, what the difference? You know, you're the ones obsessed</p>
|
|
<p>with this stuff, not us. I'm sure it wouldn't matter to Jane.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% In Jane + George's room, Jane is packing her things.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: You're going back to New York now?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jane: Yeah, I have some things to do.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Uh huh. Uh huh! I think you spoke to your little friend
|
|
Rachel,</p>
|
|
<p>that's what I think.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jane: So what if I did?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: And she didn't say something to you about a certain something?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jane: I don't know what you're talking about.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: *I* think that *you* think that a certain *something* is
|
|
not all</p>
|
|
<p>that it could be, when in fact it is is all that it *should* be,
|
|
and</p>
|
|
<p>*more*!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jane: I'm sure it is.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Look, you don't understand. There was shrinkage.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Rachel enters the kitchen with Kramer sitting at table. Rachel
|
|
opens</p>
|
|
<p>fridge and Kramer lights up a cigar.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Looking for this? (Holding up lobster)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Oh, Kramer! You startled me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, I thought you might wind up around here.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Yeah, well, I couldn't stop thinking about how everyone
|
|
was</p>
|
|
<p>enjoying the lobster so much. I thought I little taste wouldn't
|
|
hurt, huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'm afraid I couldn't do that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Why not?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, that wouldn't be kosher.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: C'mon, Kramer. I really want to try it.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Nah, I'm sorry, honey. Not on my watch.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Come on, Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Heyahhh!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Rachel walks back into Jerry's bedroom.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: I just heard a car drive out. What was that?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, that's just Jane driving home to New York in the middle
|
|
of the</p>
|
|
<p>night. (Rachel shocked)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Breakfast table the next morning, George cooking.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Carol: George, thanks so much for making breakfast.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: George, these are the best scrambled eggs I've ever tasted.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I didn't know you could cook.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, I'm just expressing my gratitude to our gracious
|
|
host.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Ben: Yes, George, the whole breakfast is breathtaking. (Rachel</p>
|
|
<p>and Jerry enter)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Good morning.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>All: Hey, hey.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Kramer, I just want to thank you again for last night,
|
|
you really</p>
|
|
<p>saved me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: What happened?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Well, I almost tried the lobster, but Kramer stopped me.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You'd regret it for the rest of your life.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: You're right, I would have. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Referring to George) Hey, look at this guy.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: A little breakfast.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: (To Rachel) And, uh, you eat eggs, right?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Yes, I do, thanks.</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
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<p>Jerry: Geez, these are delicious. Where did you learn to make eggs
|
|
like</p>
|
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<p>this?</p>
|
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<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Umm... This is so good.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Ah, enjoying them?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Mm-hmm.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Uh, good. You know, you might wanna try eating it with
|
|
one of</p>
|
|
<p>these. (Holds up lobster bib)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: There's lobster in these eggs?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Not that much. You know, they tend to shrink in the water.</p>
|
|
<p>(Rachel storms out of room)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well, I guess I gotta go, too.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, this has turned out to be one *helluva* weekend.
|
|
(Policeman</p>
|
|
<p>knocks on door, Michael answers)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: Excuse me?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Police: I'm sorry to bother you, but we're trying to track down
|
|
a lobster</p>
|
|
<p>poacher that cleaned out on of the traps.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Wonder what's goin' on.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Ah, I guess I should go up and apologize.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Michael: There he is, officer. (Michael points to Kramer, Kramer</p>
|
|
<p>waves to policeman)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% George walks into Jerry and Rachel's room.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Rachel: Ahh! Don't you ever knock?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry, Elaine, and George in the car.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: I don't know why Rachel had to drive back with Michael
|
|
to town.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Hey, if you saw me naked, I wouldn't want to ride back
|
|
in the same</p>
|
|
<p>car with you either.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I still can't believe Michael finked on Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: How is he gonna pay off a thousand dollar fine?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: They got some sort of program.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>% Cut to Kramer picks up trash on the side of the road, watched
|
|
by a police</p>
|
|
<p>officer. Back to the car.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey, there's a tomato stand, let's stop, I can get some
|
|
more.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, isn't that Michael's car?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: There's Rachel.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>George: Where? (He looks out window and gets hit by a tomato)</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>End.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p><Spellchecked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
|
|
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<br>
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<br>
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<p>Advertisement</p>
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<p>Enjoy the Hampton beaches or anywhere on the east coast this summer
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<p ></p>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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