716 lines
38 KiB
HTML
716 lines
38 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Jacket</h1>
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Written by: Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>Broadcasted: February 6, 1991 for the first time.</p>
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<p>Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, </p>
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<p>Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Lawrence Tierney (as
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Alton Benes).</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
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<p>JERRY: I hate clothes, okay? I hate buying them. I hate picking
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them out of my closet. I can't stand every day trying to come up
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with little outfits for myself. I think</p>
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<p>eventually fashion won't even exist. It won't. I think eventually
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we'll all be wearing the same thing. 'Cause anytime I see a movie
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or a TV show where there's people</p>
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<p>from the future of another planet, they're all wearing the same
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thing. Somehow they decided "This is going to be our outfit.
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One-piece silver jumpsuit, V-stripe, and</p>
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<p>boots. That's it." We should come up for an outfit for earth.
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An earth outfit. We should vote on it. Candidates propose different
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outfits, no speeches. They walk out,</p>
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<p>twirl, walk off. We just sit in the audience and go, "That
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was nice. I could wear that."</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Clothing store]</p>
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<p>JERRY: I think I've seen enough.</p>
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<p>SALESMAN: Well, I might have something in the back.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: The back? They never find anything in the back. If they
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had anything good in the back, they'd put it out in the front.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Why don't they open up an entire store for the back? Call
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it, "Just Back." All back. No front. You walk in the front,
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you're immediately in the back. (Picks</p>
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<p>up a tie display) Look, Elaine, tie car wash.</p>
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<p>CUSTOMER: (Sees the book Elaine is holding) Oh, I just read that.
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That's terrific.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Pointing to Elaine) Her father wrote that.</p>
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<p>CUSTOMER: Alton Benes is your father?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah.</p>
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<p>CUSTOMER: I always felt he deserved a wider audience.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I'm not so sure he wants one. (Customer leaves) Hey, don't
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forget Sunday, okay? You and George are coming, right? Hotel Westbury,
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eight o' clock.</p>
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<p>JERRY: ..I guess I'm coming.. I mean..</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What? What, you don't want to go now?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, I'll go. I'm going.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No, Jerry, you have to. I need a buffer. You know, I haven't
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seen my father in a while and.. you know.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm worried I won't be able to talk to him. He's such a
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great writer. Frankly, I perfer the company of nitwits.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So, that's why we're not togeter anymore.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Looks at a jacket) What is this? (Holds it up) This is
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beautiful.. but these jackets never fit me right.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Try it on. (Feels it) Wow, this is soft suede.</p>
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<p>JERRY: This may be the most perfect jacket I have ever put on.
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(Elaine grabs the tag) How much is it?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (Shocked) Oh my God.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Bad? (Elaine nods) ..Very bad?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You have no idea.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I have some idea.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No idea.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I've got a ballpark.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: There is no park and the team has relocated.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Looks at the tag) ..That is high.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh man, that is a beautiful jacket, though.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Looking at the insides of the jacket) What's with the pink
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lining and the candy stripes?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, it's just a lining. You can always have it changed.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Should I get it? I hate these moments. I'm hearing the dual
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voices now, you know. "What about the money?" "What's
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money?"</p>
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<p>SALESMAN: It looks wonderful on you.</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>(Jerry's sitting on his couch wearing his pajamas and his new jacket.
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He gets up to look at his jacket in the mirror. Kramer enters)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey. New jacket?</p>
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<p>JERRY: What do you think?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It's beautiful.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Is it me?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: That's definitely you.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Really?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: That's more you than you've ever been. (Starts looking
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the jacket over) What is with the pink lining?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't know. It's got a pink lining.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh.. So, what did you pay for this?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I paid what it costs.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: How much?</p>
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<p>JERRY: What's the difference?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: What, you're not gonna tell me?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'd rather not say it out loud. It's embarrassing.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Over three hundred?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yes, but let's just stop it right there.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It's over four hundred?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Really, I'm not answering anymore.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Is it over four hundred?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Would you?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (Finds the tag) Woah, Nelson!</p>
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<p>JERRY: I know, I know.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (Talking about his old jacket) What are you gonna do with
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the leather one?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't know.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, are you gonna wear it?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Maybe.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (Looking over the leather jacket) You're not going to wear
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this.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Do you want it?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, yeah. Okay. I'll take it.. I like the jacket.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Takes one last look at the leather jacket) ..Okay, take
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it.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Good karma for you. (Kramer puts on his new jacket, and
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stands next to Jerry, looking in the mirror.) Oh baby.</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>(George enters singing "Master Of the House" - a Les
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Miserables show tune)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: "Master of the house.. doling out the charm, ready
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with a handshake and an open palm. Tells a saucy talke, loves to
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make a stir everyone appreciates a.."</p>
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<p>JERRY: What is that song?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last wee.
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I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over.
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It just comes out. I have no</p>
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<p>control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it
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infront of clients. It's taking over my life.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You know, Schumann went mad from that.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, you idiot.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What are you, Bud Abbott? What, are you calling my an idiot?</p>
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<p>JERRY: You don't know Rober Schumann? The composer?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, Schumann. Of course.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Trying to scare George) He went crazy from one note. He
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couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating
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it over and over again. He</p>
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<p>had to be institutionalized.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Really? ..Well, what if it doesn't stop? (Jerry gestures
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"That's the breaks." George gasps) Oh, that I really needed
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to hear. That helps a lot! Alright, just</p>
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<p>say something. Just start talking. Change the subject.. Let's just
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go, alright? I can't believe we're having dinner with Alton Benes.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I know exactly what's goin to happen tonight. I'm gonna
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try and act like I'm not impressed, he's gonna see right through
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it.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah, he'll be looking at us like he's backstage at a puppet
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show.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Let me just get my jacket. (Moves to the bedroom)</p>
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<p>GEORGE: "Master of the house, keeper of the inn.." (Jerry
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proudly models his new jacket infront of George. George looks in
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admiration at the jacket) This is huge!</p>
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<p>When did this happen?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When
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I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence.
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Like tonight, I might've been</p>
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<p>a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded,
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secure that I can meet an social challenge.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Nods) Can I say one thing to you? And I say this wiht
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an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Absolutely.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: ..It's fabulous.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I know.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to
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ask you. I want to know. But I'm not going to ask. You'll tell me
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when you feel comfortable.. So</p>
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<p>what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred
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for this? (Jerry's acting coy throughout the whole thing) Over six?
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Can't be seven. Don't tell my</p>
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<p>you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven
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hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me?!
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You are sick! Is that what you</p>
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<p>paid for this jacket?! Over seven hundred? What did you pay for
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this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for
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this jacket! Oh my God! A</p>
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<p>thousand dollars?! You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket?!
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Alright, fine. I'm walking out of here right now thinking you paid
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a thousand dollars for this jacket,</p>
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<p>unless you tell me different. (Jerry still coy, stays silent) Oh,
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ho! Alright! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the
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next five seconds, I'll know it was over a</p>
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<p>thousand..</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>(Enter Kramer)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey. Hey, would you do me a solid?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, what kind of solid?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I need you to sit in the car for two minutes while it's
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double-parked. I gotta pick up some birds.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Birds?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. A friend of mine, he's a magician. He's going away
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on vacation. He asked me to take care of his doves.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So take a cab.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: They won't take a cage full of birds.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I can't. I'm on my way out. There's no way I can do it.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: George, do me a solid? Two minutes.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, I'm going with him. I'd like to, I've never done
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a solid before.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Alright.. yeah.. alright, have a good one.</p>
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<p>(Kramer leaves)</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Scoffs) Two minutes. Believe me, I know his two minutes..
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By his conception of time, his life will last over two thousand
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years.</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Hotel lobby]</p>
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<p>(Jerry and George enter. George's singing "Master of the House")</p>
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<p>GEORGE: "Master of the House. Quick to catch your eye, never
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wants a passerby to pass him by."</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Points to his head) Schumann. (George gets visibly scared)
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Where are they?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Maybe he didn't show up.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What, you don't want to do this?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life
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where I wanted the other guy to show up.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Sees an elderly man sitting on a leather chair) Wait a
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second, is that him?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, I think it is. (They walk tward him) Where's Elaine?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I'm nervous.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Excuse me.. Mister Benes?</p>
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<p>ALTON: Yeah?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm Jerry. Elaine's friend.. and this is George.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Holds out his hand for a handshake) It's a great thrill
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to meet you, Sir.</p>
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<p>(Alton starts hacking, George withdraws his hand)</p>
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<p>ALTON: Sit down. Want a drink?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Sure.</p>
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<p>ALTON: (Summons waiter) What do you have?</p>
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<p>JERRY: (To waiter) I'll have a cranberry juice with two limes.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: And, I'll have a club soda with no ice.</p>
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<p>BENES: (Gives both Jerry and George a look) I'll have another Scotch
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with plenty of ice.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You like ice?</p>
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<p>ALTON: Huh?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I said, do you like ice?</p>
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<p>ALTON: Like it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Don't you think you get more without it?</p>
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<p>ALTON: (Pauses) Where's Elaine?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, we thought she was meeting you earlier. She's usually
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pretty punctual. (Alton remains quiet) ..Don't you find that, George?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. She's punctual.. and she's been late sometimes.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, yeah. Sometimes she's on time, and sometimes she's
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late.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I guess today she's late.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It appears that way.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yep.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yep.</p>
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<p>(Both Jerry and George look at the door, anticipating Elaine's
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arrival)</p>
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<p>ALTON: Looks like rain.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: (Perks up) I know, I know, that's what they said.</p>
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<p>ALTON: Who said?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: The weather guy, Dr. Waldo.</p>
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<p>ALTON: I don't need anybody to tell me it's gonna rain.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: No, of course not. I didn't..</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: All I have to do is stick my head out the window. (Waiter
|
|
shows up with the drinks) Which one's suppose to be the funny guy?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Pointing at Jerry) Oh, he's the comedian.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'm just a regular person.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, no. He's just being modest.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They
|
|
blew his brains out all over the Pacific. (Long pause) There's nothing
|
|
funny about that.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry and George turn to the door again)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Would you excuse me a minute? I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
|
|
I'll be right back.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry leaves. George is left alone with Alton)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game.
|
|
I thought it was just brilliant.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Drivel.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Maybe some parts.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: What parts?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: The drivel parts.. Oh my gosh, I just realized - I have
|
|
to make a phone call. I can believe.. would you.. (Gets up, and
|
|
leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene cuts to the hotel bathroom)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Thank you for leaving me alone with him!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: That was brutal. I can't go back out there.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, let's just leave.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Elaine'll kill me.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Where is she?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: She's gotta be here soon.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: How could she leave us alone with this lunatic? Ten more
|
|
minutes, and that's it! I'm leaving. I have to tell you, this guy
|
|
scares me.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: The waiter was trembling.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with
|
|
him alone.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: How are we gonna get out of it?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't know. Just start scratching. Tell him you have
|
|
the crabs. He was in the military. He'll understand that.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All fathers are intimidating. They're intimidating because
|
|
they are fathers. Once a man has children, for the rest of his life,
|
|
his attitude is, "To hell with the</p>
|
|
<p>world, I can make my own people. I'll eat whatever I want. I'll
|
|
wear whatever I want, and I'll create whoever I want."</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Hotel lobby]</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry and George come back from the bathroom)</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Who'd you call?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Caught off guard) My uncle is having an operation. I just
|
|
wanted to see how he was.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: What kind of operation?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Bone marrow.</p>
|
|
<p>(Manager approaches)</p>
|
|
<p>MANAGER: Mister Benes?</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Yes?</p>
|
|
<p>MANAGER: A message for you. (Hands him a message)</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: From Elaine. She got tied up. She'll be here in thirty minutes.
|
|
(Jerry and George freeze)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Hotel lobby]</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Yeah, they should've taken care of Castro when they had
|
|
the chance. Like we did in Guatamala in 'fifty-three.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Adding) Well, Guatamala.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Sure, Guatamala.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: (Gets up) Alright, you boys get yourselves together. We'll
|
|
head up to the restaurant. I'll leave a note for Elaine. I'm going
|
|
to the bathroom. (Leaves)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Come on, let's go!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What about Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: To hell with Elaine!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: She'll be furious.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: We're dying here!</p>
|
|
<p>(Elaine enters)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: That's her! She's here!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Where is Dad?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (Mocking Alton's voice) He's in the bathroom.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Where have you been?!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Kramer, that .. Kramer! I'm just about to leave, he calls
|
|
me up. He begs me to sit in his car for two minutes, so he can pick
|
|
up these birds..</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, you didn't..</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, he said he'd drive me here right after. So, I am
|
|
sitting in his car twenty minutes! he doesn't come down. I am freezing.
|
|
Then a cop comes by, tells me</p>
|
|
<p>to get out of the car. He's a city marshal. He's towing the car
|
|
away. Kramer owes thousands of dollars in back tickets. He was going
|
|
to tow it with me in the car!</p>
|
|
<p>So, they tow the car. Now, I am standing outside, and I am freezing,
|
|
but I cannot leave because I have to tell him what happened to the
|
|
car.. so, finally, he finally</p>
|
|
<p>comes down with his giant cage filled with doves. He said he was
|
|
getting special instructions, that each dove has a different diet.
|
|
So, we're wandering around trying</p>
|
|
<p>to get a cab, when two of these doves fly out! Now we're running
|
|
down the street after these doves. I almost got hit by a bus. (Sits
|
|
down, takes a deep breath) ..So</p>
|
|
<p>how's everything going over here?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (After hearing Elaine's story, his is..) Great.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Couldn't be better.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Good. 'Cause Dad can make some people a little uncomfortable.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, no, no.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Get outta here..</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Man, Kramer! I could kill him.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I can't believe it. You know better than to get involved
|
|
with Kramer.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He said he'd give me a lift.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Ah, the lift. Like the lure of the siren's song. Never what
|
|
it seems to be, yet who among us can resist?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Where do you come up with this stuff?</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: (Returns) Well, look who's here.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, Hi, Dad.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: (Kisses Elaine) Hello, dear. Who's the lipstick for?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No one.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: ..How's your mother?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Fine.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: How about you? Are you working?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. I
|
|
told you ten times.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Pendant, those bastards.. Alright, boys. We'll go to that
|
|
Pakistani restaurant on 46th Street. You're not afraid of a little
|
|
spice, are you?</p>
|
|
<p>(They all head for the door. Jerry and George trail behind a little)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: "Master of the house, doling out the charm. Ready
|
|
with a handshake and an open.."</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Pipe down, chorus boy.</p>
|
|
<p>(Alton glares, George gets embarrassed)</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ohh.. it's snowing. It's beautiful.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (To George) Snow.. snow, that can't be good for suede, can
|
|
it?</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I wouldn't think so.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What should I do? (To Alton) We're taking a cab, aren't
|
|
we?</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Cab? It's only five blocks.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (To Jerry) Why don't you just turn it inside out?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Inside out! Great.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jery turns his jacket inside out, showing of the pink striped
|
|
insides. Alton stops him before Jerry can leave the hotel)</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Wait a minute. What the hell do you call this?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, I turned my jacket inside out.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Well, you look like a damn fool!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Like a child) Well, it's a new suede jacket. It might get
|
|
ruined.</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: Well, you're not going to walk down the street with my and
|
|
my daughter dressed like that! That's for damn sure!</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry looks at George)</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's only a few blocks.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry's heading out, the intercom buzzes)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Into intercom) Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Come on up.</p>
|
|
<p>(Enter Kramer)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I've gotta feed the birds.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So?..</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You got any of those mini Ritzes?</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry reaches up, and pulls out some mini Ritzes)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I can't believe I do.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah! ..Well, are you going out?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, where's your new jacket? (Jerry points to the jacket
|
|
hanging in the bathroom. It's ruined, and unwearable) What? (Kramer
|
|
enters the bathroom,</p>
|
|
<p>he's shocked at the sight of the jacket) Ohhh. What did you do
|
|
to it?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I was out in the snow last night.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Don't youk now what that does to suede?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I have an idea. (Elaine enters) We can make the nine-thirty
|
|
at Cinema III.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Okay.. (To Kramer) Hello. (To Jerry) Listen, thanks again
|
|
for coming last night. Dad said he had a great time.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Is he still in town?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, he's driving back to Maryland tonight.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: (Talking about the ruined jacket) So, uh.. what are you
|
|
gonna do with that one now?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well?..</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (To Jerry) I didn't want to tell you this, but usually
|
|
he hates everyone.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You gonna throw this out?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I can't wear it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (To Jerry) Yeah, he like you though. Said you reminded
|
|
him of somebody he knew in Korea.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, if you're just gonna throw it out, you know, I could
|
|
take it.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah, go ahead, take it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Dad thinks George is gay.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, because of all that singing?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer returns from the bathroom wearing the ruined suede jacket)</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, see, I like it like this. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (Pointing at the jacket Kramer's wearing) Isnt' that..?
|
|
(Jerry nods) Oh, is this fromt he snow last night? (Jerry nods again)
|
|
Ugh.. you know what you</p>
|
|
<p>should've done? You should've turned it inside out.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'll try and remember that.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: (Talking about the leather jacket from the start of the
|
|
show) Boy, it's too bad you gave me this one too.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Sarcastic) Yeah, too bad.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'm gonna have to do something about this lining.</p>
|
|
<p>(Kramer exits, Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Alton Benes' car]</p>
|
|
<p>(Alton is driving home, then all the sudden, he starts to sing)</p>
|
|
<p>ALTON: "Master of the house doling out the charm, ready with
|
|
a handshake and an open palm.."</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I had a leather jacket that got ruined. Now, why does moisture
|
|
ruin leather? I don't get this. Aren't cows ouside most of the time?
|
|
I don't understand it.</p>
|
|
<p>When it's raining do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us
|
|
in, we're all wearing leather.. Open the door! We're gonna ruin
|
|
the whole outfit here.." "Is it suede?" "I am</p>
|
|
<p>suede, the whole thing is suede, I can't have this cleaned. It's
|
|
all I got!"</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>END OF SHOW.</p>
|
|
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|
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