712 lines
36 KiB
HTML
712 lines
36 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Merv Griffin Show</h1>
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</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
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Jerry - Jerry Seinfeld </p>
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<p>George - Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Kramer - Michael Richards</p>
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<p>Elaine - Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
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<p>Newman - Wayne Knight</p>
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<p>Celia -Julia Pennington </p>
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<p>Miranda - Arabella Field </p>
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<p>Jim Fowler- himself</p>
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<p>Lou - Brent Hinkley </p>
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<p>J. Peterman - John O' Hurley </p>
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<p>Walter - Wayne Wilderson </p>
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<p>Written by: Bruce Eric Kaplan Directed by: Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p>========================================================================</p>
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<p><Jerry and Kramer in an alley></p>
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<p>JERRY: Why were you making gravel?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well ... I like the sound it makes when you walk on it. </p>
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<p> Hey, those look familiar.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Of course. It's garbage.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No, no, no, no. These brown things. The chairs. Jerry,
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this is the set from the old Merv Griffin </p>
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<p>Show! They must be throwing it out. This stuff belongs in the Smithsonian! </p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, at least in the dumpster behind the Smithsonian.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Look at this. Boy, one minute Elliot Gold is sitting on
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you and the next thing - </p>
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<p>you're yesterday's trash.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Come on, Kramer, get out of there.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No, no, no. You go on ahead. I'm not finished taking this
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in.</p>
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<p>Oh, Jerry look ... Merv Griffin's cigar.</p>
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<p>JERRY: <moans></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><In George's car></p>
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<p>GEORGE: You know I uh, spilled a yohgurt smoothie in here two days
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ago. Can't smell anything, can </p>
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<p>y'a?</p>
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<p>MIRANDA: Banana?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Right.</p>
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<p>MIRANDA: George watch out for those pigeons.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh they'll get out of the way. You really smell banana?</p>
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<p><George hits the pigeons.></p>
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<p>MIRANDA: Oh my God. Oh.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: So uh where are we eating?</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><Celia's apartment></p>
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<p>JERRY: And it was his idea to put a sprig of parsley on the plate.</p>
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<p>CELIA: You're making this up. There was never a Joseph Garnish.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>JERRY: Wow! </p>
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<p>CELIA: Oh yeah the toys.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Where did you get all these?</p>
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<p>CELIA: My dad was a collector. I inherited them after he died from
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a long and painful bout ...</p>
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<p>JERRY: Super bowl! Hey, an original G. I. Joe. With a full frogman
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suit. </p>
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<p>CELIA: Jerry, what are you doing?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm putting this on him and we're going to the sink.</p>
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<p>CELIA: No Jerry. They're priceless. They've never been played with.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I just want to touch them a little.</p>
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<p>CELIA: I said no. Now come here. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><Peterman's></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>LOU: Hi I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hey Walter what is the deal with that guy?</p>
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<p>WALTER: Oh he's Lou Filerman. He's new here. Hey your coffee stain
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looks like Fidel Castro.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You've been an enormous help.</p>
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<p><Monk's></p>
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<p>JERRY: You ran over some pigeons? How many?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What ever they had. Miranda thinks I'm a butcher but it's
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not my fault is it? Don't we have a deal with the pigeons?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Of course. We have a deal. They get out of the way of our
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cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Right! And these pigeons broke the deal. I will not accept
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the blame for this.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So Maranda's cooled on y'a?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I'm getting nothing.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, me neither.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Really? I thought you and Celia were sleeping together?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, the sex is wild but she's got this incredible toy collection
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and she won't let me near it!</p>
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<p><Elaine enters></p>
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<p>GEORGE: I don't understand women.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Here comes one.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hey. What's going on?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey <sees coffee marks> Art Garfunkle?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No, Castro.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Right.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: All because of this creepy new guy at work. He just - he
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just comes out of nowhere and he's right </p>
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<p>next to you!</p>
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<p>JERRY: So he just sidles up?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: That's right! He's a real sidler.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Maybe you didn't see him.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You never see him. He sidled me again in my office. I was
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sitting there making a cup of soup</p>
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<p>singing that song from "The Lion King".</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hakuna Matata?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I thought I was alone.</p>
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<p>JERRY: That doesn't make it right.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><Outside Jerry's apartment door></p>
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<p>JERRY: See, to me, the Hakuna Matata is not nearly as embarrassing
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as the cup of soup ...</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Would you just let it go?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, Jerry! Come in here a sec! Hey!</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh my God!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It's the Merv Griffin set</p>
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<p>JERRY: How did you get this in here?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, you just bring it in sideways and hook it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So where are you gonna sleep?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah ... backstage. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Phew! This chair smells like garbage.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, well a lot of the stars from the 70's - they were not
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as hygienic as they appeared on TV</p>
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<p>yeah, you can take Mannix for example.</p>
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<p><phone rings></p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm gonna get that. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: All right. Well, Jerry, we'd love to have you back anytime<
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Jerry exits> Well, Elaine Benes! </p>
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<p>Well, it's great to have you! <Elaine suts down> Why, is
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it possible that you are even more </p>
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<p>beautiful than the last time I saw you? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: <giggles></p>
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<p>< Central Park></p>
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<p><George runs at pigeons. They don't move for him></p>
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<p>GEORGE: We had a deal!</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>< Peterman's Office></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Mr. Peterman, here are these pages that you wanted.</p>
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<p>PETERMAN: One moment. I'm reading the most fascinating article
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on the most fascinating people of the </p>
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<p>year. Annnnnd done. Oh, yes. I'm sorry I needed this so quickly.
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It must have been an </p>
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<p>awful lot of work. Thank you very much, you two.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What? </p>
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<p><Lou Filerman is standing behind her></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>< Kramer's Apartment></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>JERRY: So three dates and she still won't let me play with her
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toys.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: That's interesting. You know someone mentioned to me you
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were not very happy with your toys growing up.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, that was me.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, that's right, right, right. And uh you mentioned that
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uh, you didn't get a G.I. Joe. You had.</p>
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<p>JERRY: An Army Pete.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Right.</p>
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<p>JERRY: He was made of wood and in the rain he would swell up and
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then split.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: And we all know how painful that can be.</p>
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<p><Elaine enters></p>
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<p>ELAINE: Jerry</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, Elaine Benes. Well, this is quite a thrill, yes. Come
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on sit down. Yes.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, I'll tell ya, this sidler guy is really chapping
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my hide.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Excuse me yeah. We're talking ... this way.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, he's getting credit for work I did! He's gonna sidle
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me right out of a job.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Now, for those of us who don't know, uh, sidling is what?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Kramer, what is wrong with you?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: What do you mean?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, for starters, you're looking at note cards <to
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Jerry> I'm gonna have to give that guy a taste </p>
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<p>of his own medicine, so, I'm going to sidle the sidler.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You, sidle? You ... you stomp around like a Clydesdale!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Not with these honeys. ... Wrestling shoes!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Only in New York. ... ha ha </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Jerry? </p>
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<p><George enters></p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh! Well, ladies and gentlemen! It's our good friend, George
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Costanza! What a surprise! </p>
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<p>Yeah, sit, sit, sit.. Weeell! </p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>GEORGE: Well, it happened again.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What happened?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: tut tut , I'll ask the questions. What happened?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, I just stomped some pigeons in the park. They - they
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didn't move.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: All right, let's change the subject. Now, uh you and Jerry
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dated for a while. Tell us ... what </p>
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<p>was that like? That was the wrong card. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: I I don't get these birds! They're breaking the deal. It's
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like the pigeons decided to ignore me!</p>
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<p>JERRY: So they're like everyone else.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>KRAMER: <laughs too loudly> All right, let's take a short
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break. .... Okay! We're back!</p>
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<p><George's Car></p>
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<p>GEORGE: Boy that bank clock is eight minutes off.</p>
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<p>MIRANDA: Then why don't you just run IT over too?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Zing.</p>
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<p>MIRANDA: George, what are you doing?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Did you see that? That-that pigeon didn't move! I had to
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swerve to get out of the way! I saved </p>
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<p>that pigeons life!</p>
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<p>MIRANDA: What pigeon? You drove right onto that squirrel. <leaves
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the car></p>
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<p>GEORGE: Squirrel? Well, we have no deal with THEM!</p>
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<p>< Celia's Apartment></p>
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<p><Jerry tries to play with the toys></p>
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<p>CELIA: Jerry! Those hands! They never stop!</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm sorry. You got any booze? Let's say you and I get ripped!</p>
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<p>CELIA: No thanks. I have a headache. Can you just get me an aspirin?</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right. <Jerry checking in the medicine cabinet for
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bottles that say "cause drowsiness"></p>
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<p>< Peterman's office></p>
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<p>LOU: Here's the new copy you wanted. </p>
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<p>PETERMAN: Ah, yes. Well this certainly looks like a lot of words.
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In record time. I'm very impressed ... </p>
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<p>with both of you.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: <quietly standing behind Lou> Thank you. ha ha </p>
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<p>PETERMAN: Unfortunately, I am also disgusted. This is incoherent
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dribble! This is a total redo and I'm </p>
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<p>assuming I need it right away.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, I guess we'll just <Lou has left> Hey, just
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gimme that. </p>
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<p>< Celia's apartment></p>
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<p>JERRY: <playing with the toys while Celia is sleeping> Mission
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accomplished! Back to base, Joe.</p>
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<p><Veterinarian's office></p>
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<p>MIRANDA: Doctor, is the squirrel going to live?</p>
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<p>DOCTOR: There's been massive trauma. We could of course try to
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save him but it would be costly, </p>
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<p>difficult and we'd have to send away for some special really tiny
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instruments.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, uh, are there any other options?</p>
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<p>DOCTOR: We could put him to sleep.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What might that cost?</p>
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<p>DOCTOR: Well, it's by the pound. So ... about 80 cents.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well? <Miranda hits George> I was just - I'm curious,
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that's all. We, uh. we'd like you to do </p>
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<p>everything possible.</p>
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<p>DOCTOR: He, um. he's not going to be the same, you know?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: yeah. yeah. I know.</p>
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<p>< Kramer's apartment></p>
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<p>GEORGE: So they're flying the tiny instruments in from El Paso.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: El Paso? I spent a month there one night.</p>
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<p>NEWMAN: <laughs>El Paso! </p>
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<p>JERRY: What's he here for?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: To take some of the pressure off of me. So, Jerry, what's
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going on with you? I understand </p>
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<p>there's a young lady in your life. mmm</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, actually, it's kind of a funny story because she has
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this amazing toy collection and last night</p>
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<p>I finally got to play with them.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well. It sounds like things are progressing. Do I hear
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wedding bells?</p>
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<p>NEWMAN: Are you married right now?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Actually she doesn't even know about the toys. I gave her
|
|
the wrong kind of medicine and </p>
|
|
<p>I guess she passed out!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: What do you mean "wrong kind of medicine"?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: She's even got that old Matel football game that we love!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, come on! You gotta get me over there!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Wait a minute, wait a minute! You mean to say that you
|
|
drugged a woman so you could take </p>
|
|
<p>advantage of her toys? Let's pause a moment. Jerry, now, what you
|
|
do with your personal</p>
|
|
<p>life is your business, but when you're on my set - you clean it
|
|
up, mister!</p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: I told you he was a risk.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, like he's not just carrying you! And has been for years!</p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: Yeah? Well, you bombed! That story stunk worse than these
|
|
chairs!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Smile, everyone! We're back! </p>
|
|
<p>< Elaine's office></p>
|
|
<p>LOU: You wanted to see me, Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yes, Lou. you've got a lot going for you. You're, ... um
|
|
... you're spontaneous. You're </p>
|
|
<p>symmetrical. You're, uh, ... you're very quick, aren't y'a?. It's
|
|
just that your...</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: My dead tooth?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No. Your. <breathes></p>
|
|
<p>LOU: My breath?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Eechh. </p>
|
|
<p>LOU: What can I do?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, you should never ever go anywhere without these.
|
|
<Tic Tacs></p>
|
|
<p>LOU: Thanks, Elaine. You're such a super lady! <he clicks ans
|
|
clicks now when he walks></p>
|
|
<p>< Celia's apartment></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: More wine and turkey? <Pours Celia more wine></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So when I saw George on the street with an 18 pound turkey
|
|
and a giant box of wine, I thought: </p>
|
|
<p>... What a coincidence. We're just about to eat.</p>
|
|
<p>CELIA: What is that stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY and GEORGE: Triptaphen.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: ... I think. Have some more wine. </p>
|
|
<p>CELIA: What video did you get?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, George brought home movies of his boyhood trip to Michigan.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Four hours.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: More heavy gravy?</p>
|
|
<p><Celia is sleeping ></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: <playing with toys> Yes! Touch down! Your turn, Jerry. </p>
|
|
<p>< Kramer's apartment></p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: Lately, though, I've been, uh, - I've been buying the generic
|
|
brand of waxed beans. you know. </p>
|
|
<p>I rip of the label. I can hardly tell the difference.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, we've officially bottomed out. Who's our next guest?</p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: We've got no one!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: We need a new foreman. We should shut down and re-tool. </p>
|
|
<p><pulls the plug and the show goes dark> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: What about a guest-host?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.</p>
|
|
<p>< Veterinarian's office></p>
|
|
<p>MIRANDA: Doctor, how's the squirrel?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Is he dead?</p>
|
|
<p>DOCTOR: No. Fortunately, the special tiny instruments arrived just
|
|
in time. Would you like to visit him?</p>
|
|
<p>MIRANDA: Yes he would.</p>
|
|
<p>DOCTOR: You have 30 minutes. <exits></p>
|
|
<p>GOERGE: So ... uh, squirrel.</p>
|
|
<p><Doctor enters></p>
|
|
<p>DOCTOR: One more thing Mister Costanza, we just need to know what
|
|
time you'll be picking him up </p>
|
|
<p>tomorrow.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What's that?</p>
|
|
<p>DOCTOR: Oh, we're discharging the squirrel. We think he'll be better
|
|
off at home.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: He has no home. He's a squirrel.</p>
|
|
<p>DOCTOR: Your home, Mister Costanza. Just make sure he gets his
|
|
medicine six times a day and keep his </p>
|
|
<p>tail elevated. <exits></p>
|
|
<p><Monk's></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Maybe it'll be fun having a pet.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's not a pet! It's a wild invalid! And it knows that
|
|
I tried to kill it. As soon as it gets better, it's </p>
|
|
<p>gonna gnaw my brain out in my sleep!</p>
|
|
<p><Kramer enters></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Jerry, what are you doin' tomorrow? I want you to come
|
|
by the set.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What about my "questionable material"?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Nope, we got a whole new format. Edgy, youthful, plus ...
|
|
we got Jim Fowler!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Jim Fowler? The animal guy from "Wild Kingdom"
|
|
is coming to your apartment?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, I practically raised his kids.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: That's perfect! He's a zoo guy! He take's care of animals.
|
|
Can I bring the squirrel by?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: What? Two animal acts on the same show? What is this, amateur
|
|
hour? Look, George, I'm </p>
|
|
<p>sorry, but maybe another time, all right? <exits></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I gotta get to Fowler. I know that he would take this squirrel
|
|
off my hands. It's practically </p>
|
|
<p>bionic!</p>
|
|
<p><Elaine enters></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hey! ha ha Nice sidle, huh? Speaking of which I think I
|
|
got that problem solved.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Tic-Tacs worked?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He's a human maraca.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Boy, my knuckles are still cramped from that football game.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You took him over to Celia's?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What? It's a victimless crime.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What about the woman who's been drugged and taken advantage
|
|
of?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Okay, one victim.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I think it's unconscionable.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hey, last night, I found a whole Weeble Village right behind
|
|
the EZ Bake oven.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: EZ Bake oven?</p>
|
|
<p><Celia's apartment></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Who wants cupcake?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, me, me, me, me, me!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You know, that batter is, like, 30 years old.</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: <on TV> You step on it and it flushes.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Why is your father giving a tour of a rest stop?</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: <on TV> Stop squirming.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, don't look. This is the part where they change me.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You're like eight years old.</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: <on TV> Georgie.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I was seven and a half.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>< Elaine's office></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: That noise. that's the noise. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: That inferno rattling sound that has plagued me these
|
|
past two days - and I could not find the </p>
|
|
<p>source. In my office, in the hallway. even in the men's room! Shame
|
|
on you, Elaine!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, no, Mr. Peterman that wasn't me!</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: That reminds me of the Hatian Voodoo rattle torture!
|
|
You haven't gone over to their side</p>
|
|
<p>have you?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No Mister Peterman.</p>
|
|
<p>PETERMAN: Because, if I hear one more rattle - just one - your
|
|
out on your can And if you are undead - </p>
|
|
<p>I'll find out about that too. <Exits></p>
|
|
<p><Coffee room></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Lou! In here! We have to talk.</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: Oh, right. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: <Takes the Tic Tacs away from Lou> No, stop it! Bad
|
|
voodoo. You gotta stop using these.</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: Why?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Because they're turning your teeth green?</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: I only buy the white ones.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Okay ... well then your teeth are green for a different
|
|
reason. Just stop carrying these, okay? </p>
|
|
<p>Just ... just mouth wash.</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: I can't. It burns my cankers.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Binacca?</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: Again.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Right, right, cankers. Um, I got it! Chew gum!</p>
|
|
<p>LOU: I hate gum. The only guy I ever liked came with the Mickey
|
|
Mouse gumball machine. They stopped </p>
|
|
<p>making that about 20 years ago.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, stinky, this is your lucky day.</p>
|
|
<p>< Kramer's apartment></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Okay. a little later, we're gonna be talking with animal
|
|
expert Jim Fowler.</p>
|
|
<p>FOWLER: Where are the cameras?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: But first, we're talking with Jerry. Okay, Jerry, uh, you
|
|
drugged a woman in order to play with </p>
|
|
<p>her toy collection. How do you feel about that?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was great! I've done it a few more time since then.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: And she doesn't know anything about this?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, not a thing. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: laughs</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, Jerry, we have a little surprise for you! Come on
|
|
out, Celia!</p>
|
|
<p>CELIA: What kind of a sick twisted creep are you?</p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN and KRAMER: Woah.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What is this? What is she doing here?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: It's the new format. Scandals and Animals. Go with it.</p>
|
|
<p>CELIA: If you think you can drug me and play with my toys, you
|
|
got another thing coming, buddy!</p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: Go girl!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, what kind of woman drinks a whole box of wine?</p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN and KRAMER: Ohhh!</p>
|
|
<p><George enters with the squirrel></p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Mister Fowler, I have a squirrel here that is a miracle
|
|
of modern science!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: George I told you we're booked!</p>
|
|
<p>FOWLER: Careful. Hawks and squirrels don't get along together.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Ohhh. another interesting confrontation. This could be
|
|
spicy. Yeah, George bring him over.</p>
|
|
<p>FOWLER: No, you idiot! Hawks eat squirrels!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Are we getting this?</p>
|
|
<p><Monk's></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So the whole set was destroyed?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, the squirrel kept scurrying and the hawk kept clawing.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, at least we know the prosthetic squirrel hips work
|
|
... sorry about the set.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I tell y'a it was a grind trying to fill 10 hours a week.
|
|
I'm not sure I was ready to have my own </p>
|
|
<p>talk show set.</p>
|
|
<p>MIRANDA: I got the nut bread, George. Let's go. <exits></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So the squirrel's gonna make it?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, he's in my bed. I'm sleeping on the couch.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Sleeping on the couch? So you're...</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Still getting nothing! So go ahead pigeons. Laugh it up.
|
|
I'm getting in my car now and the last </p>
|
|
<p>think I heard ... we have NO DEAL!</p>
|
|
<p>< Celia's ></p>
|
|
<p>CELIA: I'm glad you called, Elaine. I really needed to talk to
|
|
someone.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh well, hey, I dated Jerry too. I know what a monster
|
|
he can be. More wine and turkey?</p>
|
|
<p>CELIA: Who's he? <Lou></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, he's nobody. Hey, listen, ... let me top that off for
|
|
y'a.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>The End
|
|
|
|
|
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