1419 lines
52 KiB
HTML
1419 lines
52 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Millennium</h1>
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[Transcribed by "Mazzy" in the UK]</p>
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<p>8.20 The Millennium<br>
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<br>
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Episode Number: 154<br>
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Original Air Date: May 01, 1997<br>
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<br>
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Written by: Jennifer Crittenden<br>
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Directed by: Andy Ackerman<br>
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<br>
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Guest Cast:<br>
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Lauren Graham (Valerie)<br>
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Louan Gideon (Mrs. Hamilton)<br>
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Victoria Mahoney (Gladys)<br>
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Michael Laskin (Minkler)<br>
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Bruce Jarchow (Mooney)<br>
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Maria Cina (Saleswoman)<br>
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Steve Koren (Himself)<br>
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<br>
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[Putumayo]<br>
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<br>
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Inside a store full of ethnic merchandise. Elaine is examining some sort
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of<br>
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footwear, while behind the counter Gladys is on the phone.<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: Uh, excuse me.<br>
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<br>
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GLADYS: Be with you in a minute. (turns her back to Elaine and continues
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into<br>
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phone) No, you shoulda come last night, it was fun.<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: Uhm, I just have a question.<br>
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<br>
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GLADYS: (into phone) I know, the margaritas in that place are so strong.<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: (walks up to counter) Helloo? I'd like to buy these hirachis.<br>
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<br>
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GLADYS: (into phone) So? What else is goin' on?<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: (shouts) HEY!!<br>
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<br>
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GLADYS: Listen, I'll call you back. (to Elaine) Yes? What can I do for
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you?<br>
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<br>
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ELAINE: (tosses the hirachis onto the counter) Nothing. You, just lost
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a<br>
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customer.<br>
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<br>
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Elaine stalks to the door, but ruins her exit by trying to push open a
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door she<br>
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should pull.<br>
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<br>
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[Valerie's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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Jerry, pulling on his jacket, and Valerie preparing to leave.<br>
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<br>
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VALERIE: Ready to go? I don't wanna miss the previews.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Me neither. I love the previews. In fact I enjoy being in the theatre
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cut<br>
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up(?). Last week after a preview, I yelled out 'Must miss'.<br>
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<br>
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VALERIE: I think that I was in that theatre. That, that was really funny.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Yeah, it got a good laugh. Let me just check my messages before
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we go.<br>
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<br>
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Valerie heads toward the door. Jerry sits by the phone, lifts the receiver
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and<br>
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prepares to dial. As he does so, he notices button '07' on the speed-dial
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is<br>
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|
marked 'JERRY'. He looks surprised and pleased together.<br>
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<br>
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[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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|
Jerry and George stood talking.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: So you're on the speed dial?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: After two dates!<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: What number?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Seven.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: Wha! You know, it's a pain to change that. You gotta lift up that<br>
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plastic thing with a pen.<br>
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<br>
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The door opens and Kramer enters. He's carrying a couple of folding chairs
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in<br>
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each hand.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Uh, hey buddy.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer carries the chairs across the room.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: It all right if I keep these here for a while? I'm having a New
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Year's Eve<br>
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party.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: You're gonna keep these here for eight months?!<br>
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<br>
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Kramer props the chairs up against a wall.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: No, Jerry. New Year's Eve nineteen ninety-nine. The millennium.
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|
I told<br>
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you about that.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Kramer, you're gonna leave these chairs here for two and a half
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years?!<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: You're not gonna see 'em. I got a case of party poppers I'm gonna
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keep<br>
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in front of 'em.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer exits. George has taken one of the chairs, unfolded it, and is
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sat with<br>
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his feet up on the back of the couch, hands behind his head.<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: Hey, so get this. I get a call this morning from one of the Mets
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front<br>
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office guys. They wanna take me out to lunch.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: What for?<br>
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<br>
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GEORGE: (smiling) I'm on a winning ball club, Jerry. They probably wanna
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pick my<br>
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brains.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Really, why d'you think they're taking you out to lunch?<br>
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|
<br>
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GEORGE: (thoughtful) I have no idea.<br>
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<br>
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Elaine enters, throws her bag on the table. She's in a bad mood.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: Alright, I have had it with those Mayans.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: I don't mind the Mayans.<br>
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<br>
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Elaine gets another of the folding chairs.<br>
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|
<br>
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ELAINE: (unfolding chair) You know that store, Putumayo? (sits) I was
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|
trying to<br>
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buy these hirachis, right, and the saleswoman just completely ignored
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|
me.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
Kramer enters carrying more chairs.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: What, we talking hirachis? I know a great store for hirachis.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
ELAINE: No, no, not Putumayo.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: No, no. Cinqo de Mayo. (leaving) Yeah, Marcellino, he turned me
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|
on to<br>
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|
it, and he's one sixty-fourth Mayan.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (slightly worried) You know, I'm starting to get a little nervous
|
|
about<br>
|
|
this lunch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What'd you have?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer enters again. This time he has a large bunch of multi-coloured
|
|
balloons<br>
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|
on ribbons. He ties the bunch to Elaine's chair.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
KRAMER: Yeah, I'm gonna keep these here too, huh? They'll be alright.
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|
(begins to<br>
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|
leave)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (at the door) Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my
|
|
everyday<br>
|
|
balloons.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
George sits in a booth. Opposite him are two guys from the Mets.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MINKLER: George, we'll be blunt. The Mets need somebody to head up scouting,
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|
and<br>
|
|
we think that someone might be you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (surprise) Head of scouting?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MOONEY: Interested?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (playing it cool) I'm still here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MINKLER: Now, unfortunately, league rules prevent us from making you an
|
|
offer<br>
|
|
while you're still under contract.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MOONEY: You understand what we're talking about?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So you're talking...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MINKLER: No, no.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MOONEY: We're *not* talking. We're just, talking.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: So, you need me to get fired.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MINKLER: We didn't say that.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
MOONEY: We couldn't say that, because even if we did...<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
MINKLER: ...we couldn't say that we said it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MOONEY: You see what we're saying?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (jokingly) You are still paying for this lunch?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MINKLER: (serious) We didn't say that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Valerie's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Valerie is sitting by her phone, having just finished some adjustment.
|
|
Jerry<br>
|
|
arrives, obviously a little rushed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hi. Sorry I'm late. There's a lotta chairs and balloons in my apartment.<br>
|
|
How 'bout I make it up to you with dinner?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: (pointedly) Someplace nice this time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, I'm sorry about that Mongolian barbecue last night. I'd heard
|
|
good<br>
|
|
things.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: (rising) I don't know, got a two in Zagat's.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Valerie rises and leaves the room. As she goes, Jerry sits beside the
|
|
phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Lemme just check my messages. (to himself) Maybe a nicer girl called.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry presses the '07' button, without looking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VOICE (O.C.): Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello? Who's this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VOICE (O.C.): Jane. What number did you dial?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He looks down at the speed-dial and sees button '07' now marked 'JANE',
|
|
and his<br>
|
|
name now next to '09'.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Seven?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Putumayo]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Gladys is behind the counter. Through the window, Elaine can be seen outside.<br>
|
|
Elaine bangs on the window to get Gladys' attention.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hey! See these? (raises her foot so her new hirachis can be seen)
|
|
Cinqo<br>
|
|
de Mayo! Sales commission, bye-bye-o! (waves)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Kramer sit at the table. Jerry reading a newspaper, Kramer with
|
|
a<br>
|
|
clipboard. George is heard outside the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE (O.C.): (singing) Meet the Mets...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George enters, looking pleased with himself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: ...meet the Mets. Come on in and greet the Mets.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Good meeting?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: There was no meeting. (gets one of the folding chairs) But it
|
|
was quite<br>
|
|
a meeting. You are looking at the next director of Mets scouting. The
|
|
only thing<br>
|
|
is, I have to get fired from the Yankees first.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You can do that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Of course. But I really wanna leave my mark this time, you know,
|
|
uh. I<br>
|
|
wanna walk away from the Yankees with people saying 'Wow! Now that guy
|
|
got<br>
|
|
canned!'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Ehh. (nostalgic) Remember that summer at Dairy Queen where I cooled
|
|
my<br>
|
|
feet in the soft-serve machine?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: You think people will still be using napkins in the year two-thousand?<br>
|
|
Or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and George give Kramer a long look. Then break to continue their
|
|
own<br>
|
|
conversation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So, George...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (rising) I had like a so-so date with Valerie, now I'm number nine
|
|
on the<br>
|
|
speed-dial.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry moves to the kitchen, with George following.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So? I used to be seven. I dropped two spots.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What, she's ranking you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, this speed-dial's like a relationship barometer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What is a barometer exactly?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: It's pronounced thermometer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry gives another look to Kramer. George raises his eyes. Kramer rises
|
|
and<br>
|
|
comes over to the guys.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: You know, in the year two-thousand, we'll all be on speed-dial.
|
|
You'll<br>
|
|
just have to think of a person, they'll be talking to you. It'll be like,
|
|
wup<br>
|
|
(judders and puts his hands to his temples, as if receiving a call on
|
|
a 'mental<br>
|
|
phone') getting a call here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (to Jerry and George) Hey, it's Newman. (to 'mental phone') Hey,
|
|
how you<br>
|
|
doing, Newman?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry begins mouthing 'I'm not here' and making gestures indicating he
|
|
doesn't<br>
|
|
want to talk to Newman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (to 'mental phone') Oh, you wanna talk to Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer leans toward Jerry, as if to allow him to use the 'mental phone'.
|
|
Jerry<br>
|
|
throws his arms up in exasperation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Valerie's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry has just arrived and has presented Valerie with a floral bouquet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: (pleased) Oh, flowers. You didn't have to do that. I mean, the
|
|
dinner,<br>
|
|
and the play, and the hansom cab ride.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, I just wanted to... (breaks off) You forgot the gift certificate
|
|
to<br>
|
|
Barnes and Noble.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Oh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (resumes) ...you know, make a good impression.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: I'm gonna go put these in some water.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I like the way you think.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Valerie leaves to the kitchen(?). The moment she's gone, Jerry rushes
|
|
over to<br>
|
|
the phone. He picks it up to read the list of names on the speed-dial,
|
|
and finds<br>
|
|
himself promoted to the '01' button.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh my God! Number one!! Seinfeld, you magnificent bastard!<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Yankees Boardroom(?)]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wilhelm and some others are sitting around the big table. George is sitting<br>
|
|
down. He's wearing an old-fashioned baseball jersey. On the table in front
|
|
of<br>
|
|
him, he places a large paper bag.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Sorry I'm late, but look what I found in the Yankee Hall of Pride<br>
|
|
display case.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WILHELM: Isn't that Babe Ruth's uniform?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Is it? (reaches into bag)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wilhelm looks disturbed by George's actions.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Huh, strawberries, anyone? (eats a strawberry) Ah, that's good.
|
|
Ooh,<br>
|
|
juicy this time of year.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He wipes strawberry juice from his fingers onto Babe Ruth's jersey.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Gotta get the good ones.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He fetches another over-ripe strawberry from the bag, and drops it onto
|
|
the<br>
|
|
front of the jersey leaving a pulpy stain.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh, that's bad. That's bad.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer sits at the table with his clipboard.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: So Jerry, my millennium party's really coming together. Will people
|
|
be<br>
|
|
able to breathe underwater in the year two-thousand?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Some of us.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (crumpling a piece of paper) I don't wanna exclude anybody.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine enters. She is festooned with Mayan goods. All her clothes, bag,<br>
|
|
earrings, everything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hola.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Shove it!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What is all this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I got all this junk at Cinqo de Mayo, because I was trying to
|
|
show<br>
|
|
Putumayo how much business they'd lost. I mean, I been dancing (demonstrates<br>
|
|
dance) and strutting in front of their store for two days.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Ah, no wonder we're getting so much rain.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Elaine, I'm having a millennium party, so save the date.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hey, you know what? Newman sent me an invitation already, to his
|
|
party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine fishes in her bag for the invite.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Newman?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine hands her invite to Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (reads) Come celebrate the millennium, with Newmanniun. Newman!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Car]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry has stopped to pick someone up. A woman climbs into the passenger
|
|
side.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hi Valerie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The woman turns to face him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You're not Valerie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: I'm her step-mother. Drive.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry does as he's told and sets off down the street.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: It's taken me thirteen years to climb up to the top of that<br>
|
|
speed-dial, and I don't intend to lose my spot to you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: But, I never...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: (threatening) You just stay away from that phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Steinbrenner's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Steinbrenner behind his desk. George crosses the floor from the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You wanted to see me, sir?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: I heard about what happened at the meeting this morning...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks quietly pleased at his imminent dismissal.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh, yes. I already packed up my desk, sir. I can be outta here
|
|
in an<br>
|
|
hour.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: ...and I have to tell you, it's exactly what this organisation<br>
|
|
needed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks stunned as he realises he's not going to be fired.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past.
|
|
Babe<br>
|
|
Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man, with little-girl legs. And here's<br>
|
|
something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Ah, what
|
|
d'you<br>
|
|
make of that? Hey, check this out. (he stands to reveal he's wearing baseball<br>
|
|
pants) Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. (a thought occurs) Hey, you
|
|
don't<br>
|
|
think that nerve disease of his was contagious, do you? Uh, I better take
|
|
'em<br>
|
|
off. I'm too important to this team. (removes the pants to reveal his
|
|
boxers)<br>
|
|
Big Stein can't be flopping and twitching.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George is further discomfited by the sight of Steinbrenner in his underwear.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: Hey, how 'bout some lunch. What're you going for?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Valerie's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Valerie are sitting on the couch, eating popcorn.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You know uh, Valerie, I uh, couldn't help but notice that I'm on
|
|
your<br>
|
|
speed-dial.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: You deserve it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: But I can't help thinking that maybe there's someone in your life
|
|
who<br>
|
|
deserves it more. Someone you've known, you know, more than a week.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: My stepmother got to you, didn't she?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What? No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Uuh, I can't believe she did this again. That's it! She's off
|
|
the<br>
|
|
speed-dial completely!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Valerie gets up, stalks to the phone and sets about rejigging her speed-dial.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yikes!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Newman's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Newman sits at the table. Kramer has arrived and is holding his invitation.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, I just got your invitation to the Newmanniun party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: You just got it? Damn, the mail is slow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (getting worked up) You knew I was having a millennium party,
|
|
but you<br>
|
|
just had to throw yours on the same day!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: I have done nothing unethical.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, well you're gonna have to cancel it, because I've told everybody<br>
|
|
about my party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Cancel! (jumps to feet) Think again, longshanks! I started planning
|
|
this<br>
|
|
in nineteen seventy-eight. I put a deposit down on that revolving restaurant<br>
|
|
that overlooks Times Square, and I booked Christopher Cross.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (worked up) Well, what am I gonna do? I got over two hundred folding<br>
|
|
chairs, and quite a bit of ice.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (thoughtful) What kind?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Cubed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: That's good stuff, and you can never have too much ice. Alright,
|
|
I'll<br>
|
|
tell you what I'll do. You can co-host the party with me, under one condition.<br>
|
|
No Jerry. Jerry is not invited.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I gotta invite Jerry. He's my buddy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: That he may be. But he's outta my life, starting in the year<br>
|
|
two-thousand. For me, the next millennium must be, Jerry-free!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Cab]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Jerry and George in the back of a taxi.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: How could they not fire you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Never thought I'd fail at failing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Aw, come on there now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (depressed) Feel like I can't do anything wrong.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (hopeful) Everything?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Everything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You really think so?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Absolutely. I have no confidence in you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Alright. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off,
|
|
and<br>
|
|
throw myself right back down again!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: That's the spirit. You suck!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (pleased) I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Cinqo De Mayo]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine is talking with the saleswoman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: No, no, no no, listen to me. I work in fashion. Together, we can
|
|
drive<br>
|
|
Putumayo outta business and make Cinqo de Mayo numero uno... de Mayo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Gladys comes out behind the counter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: Do you need some help with something?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (puzzled) You? What're you doing here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: I own this store.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: No you don't. You own Putumayo. Unless you own both stores. (laughs<br>
|
|
nervously)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: I'm Gladys Mayo.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Realisation dawns for Elaine. She begins to leave, slowly.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ah, this really sticks in my craw.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Mrs Hamilton's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Mrs Hamilton sitting on the couch. Mrs Hamilton is pouring out
|
|
a<br>
|
|
couple of glasses of wine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, Mrs Hamilton, it's certainly nice that you and Valerie patched<br>
|
|
things up, so we could all get together like this. Where is Valerie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: I'm sure she'll be along. (handing over a glass) Have some
|
|
wine,<br>
|
|
Jerome.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Okay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs Hamilton leans back on the couch beside Jerry. She's sitting uncomfortably<br>
|
|
close to Jerry, and as she speaks she puts an arm along the top of the
|
|
couch<br>
|
|
behind Jerry. (To cut it short, this scene plays pretty close to the early<br>
|
|
Dustin Hoffman/Anne Bancroft scenes in The Graduate.)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: You know Jerome, I can understand what Valerie sees in you.
|
|
So<br>
|
|
attractive, so strong, so comedic.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh, good.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: Jerome, I have a deliciously naughty idea.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (nervous) What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: Why don't I put you on my speed-dial?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I don't know, Mrs Hamilton. That doesn't sound...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: Don't be such a child, Jerome. How's number three sound?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry leaps to his feet as Mrs Hamilton goes for her phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Valerie's not coming over, is she?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Mrs Hamilton is programming her phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: Seven, four...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: Two...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Stop, stop. This isn't right. What about Valerie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: I won't tell if you don't.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (leaving hurriedly) Wuhh...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is asleep, but his sleep is fitful. He tosses and turns.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Jerry... Newman... Two-thousand...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer suddenly sits bolt upright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (yells) Newmanniun!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He reaches over to his bedside table and picks up a photograph. It's of
|
|
himself<br>
|
|
and Jerry at a previous party, looking happy together.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (whimper) Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer clutches the photo to his chest, and flops back onto the mattress.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry sits on his couch, watching baseball on TV. Steve Koren is commentating.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KOREN (O.C.): Alright, Yankees, two. Orioles, nothing. Wait a minute!
|
|
A short<br>
|
|
stocky bald man is streaking across the field.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh my God, George!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KOREN (O.C.): Check that. He's not streaking. He's wearing a flesh-tone<br>
|
|
body-stocking. Apparently, he's a bit bashful, and oddly, no-one seems
|
|
upset.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Kramer, look, it's George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KOREN (O.C.): Everyone loves him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, I know. (he clicks off the TV) Listen, Jerry, I can't
|
|
let<br>
|
|
you come to my New Year's party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (neutral) Fine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (agitated) I mean, it's killing me! Newman's got the jump on the<br>
|
|
invites, and will crush me if I try to go it alone!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (neutral) No problem.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (swung by Jerry's argument) You're right. I won't do it without
|
|
you. I<br>
|
|
feel so ashamed I even thought of it, huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (pleading) Elaine, you can't go to Newman's Newmanniun.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (neutral) Okay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No, no, no. You gotta spend New Year's nineteen ninety-nine with
|
|
me and<br>
|
|
Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (neutral) Fine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (frustrated shout) Oh come on!!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (neutral) Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (triumph) Yesss! Alright, so it's you, it's me, and it's Jerry,
|
|
huh.<br>
|
|
(claps hands) Yeah, now things are starting to snowball, huh. I'll tell
|
|
Newman I<br>
|
|
don't need him. So, I'll uh, see you two in the twenty-first century.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer heads out the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (following Kramer to the door) Okay. Kramer, Kramer, wait a minute.
|
|
Do<br>
|
|
you still have that pricing-gun?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Okay, I need you to help me put Putumayo outta business.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Can do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer leaves to his apartment. Elaine begins to follow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What're you doing with a pricing-gun?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: That place is about to have the sale of the century. Nothing over<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
ninety-nine cents.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine leaves and shuts the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (to himself) Still a rip-off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The phone rings. Jerry picks up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
From here on, the scene is presented in a split-screen format, with Valerie
|
|
and<br>
|
|
Mrs Hamilton in their respective apartments, sharing the screen with Jerry
|
|
as<br>
|
|
appropriate.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Jerry, I was just at my stepmom's house, and I saw that you were
|
|
on her<br>
|
|
speed-dial.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Uh, well, she uh, probably just wanted to be able to keep tabs
|
|
on you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There is a beep on Jerry's phone as another call comes in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hold on a second.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks the doofer to answer the other call.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: (seductive) Hi Jerome.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, Mrs Hamilton, this is a very bad time. I've got Valerie on
|
|
the other<br>
|
|
line. Just a second.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: That's her on the other line, isn't it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Tell her I don't want you on her speed-dial.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hang on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: She knows about the speed-dial. Mrs Hamilton, you gotta get me
|
|
off this<br>
|
|
thing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: I won't, until she puts me back on hers.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hang on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: She wants to be back on yours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Fine. But only if you're off hers.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hang on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Fine, if I'm off yours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: No, still me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Sorry. Hang on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Fine, if I'm off yours.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: I won't do it. It's my speed-dial, and I don't trust her.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Please, Mrs Hamilton, this is very awkward for me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: (conspiratorial) Alright. I'll hide you in one of the emergency<br>
|
|
buttons.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (hurried) Great, bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: She said she'll do it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Great.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There's another beep, as another call comes in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hang on.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry clicks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Yankee Stadium]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George is at a public telephone, wearing the flesh-tone body-stocking
|
|
and<br>
|
|
looking thoroughly dejected.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Jerry. I can't get fired.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A passing fan spots him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FAN: Hey, body-suit man. 's up?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He slaps palms with George, who doesn't look especially pleased by the<br>
|
|
attention. The fan points out George to more fans.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FAN: (pointing) Hey, body-suit man.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The fans gather round, making positive noises. George looks resigned to
|
|
his<br>
|
|
minor celebrity.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Putumayo]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Gladys is behind the counter. Outside the door, Elaine peers in for a
|
|
second<br>
|
|
before she moves back out of sight. Then, a be-suited Kramer is pushed
|
|
into<br>
|
|
sight. He enters the store, smoking a cigar.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist
|
|
uh,<br>
|
|
looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru and uh, before
|
|
I invest<br>
|
|
millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh, Get
|
|
the<br>
|
|
feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables, you know, the real
|
|
uh,<br>
|
|
gritty-gritty.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He notices a bowl of chips beside the register and helps himself to some.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: Well, lemme show you what we have.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well uh, I think I can just browse around on my own.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (re the chips) Hmm, Macchu Picchu. Are these free?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hmm-mmm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer strolls over to a rack and grabs a selection of a half-dozen items.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
then heads for the changing room.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: Some of those are women's clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, not a problem.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He pulls the curtain shut. The sound of a pricing gun can be heard. The
|
|
clicking<br>
|
|
goes on for a couple of seconds, and then the gun is dropped. It lands
|
|
by<br>
|
|
Kramer's feet and breaks, Kramer then exacerbates his problem by kicking
|
|
the gun<br>
|
|
as he tries to retrieve it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Yankee's Parking Lot]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George is driving his car in a circle in the parking lot. Trailing behind
|
|
the<br>
|
|
car, on a rope, is a trophy which bounces and clatters on the tarmac.
|
|
George is<br>
|
|
leaning out of the car window, with a megaphone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Attention Steinbrenner and front-office morons! Your triumphs
|
|
mean<br>
|
|
nothing. You all stink. You can sit on it, and rotate! This is George
|
|
Costanza.<br>
|
|
I fear no reprisal. Extension five-one-seven-oh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Putumayo]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Gladys is still behind the counter. Valerie and Mrs Hamilton are browsing
|
|
the<br>
|
|
racks. Elaine enters and, holding her hand up to hide her face, she walks
|
|
over<br>
|
|
to the changing room, pulls back the curtain and enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: L'Occupado.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Come on, what is taking you so long?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Elaine, I broke the price-gun, so I had to move to plan B.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Plan B? There is no plan B.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (holds up some small white sachets) I took these out of every
|
|
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
single<br>
|
|
garment in the store.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: They're dessicates. See, they absorb moisture. (gleeful) These
|
|
clothes<br>
|
|
won't last five years without 'em.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: That's not gonna do anything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Patience.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Alright. Forget it!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: You have screwed me again, Pennypacker!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine leaves, hurrying through the store with her face shielded again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GLADYS: Ladies, care for some chips?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (emerging from the changing room) Well, I don't mind if I do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
He takes a chip and dips it. As he loads the chip with the dip, a sachet
|
|
of<br>
|
|
dessicate falls from his sleeve into the dip. He doesn't notice, and after<br>
|
|
consuming the chip he deposits the bundle of clothing onto the counter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, I've uh, I've changed my mind. I think I'm going to build
|
|
a<br>
|
|
rollercoaster instead.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer leaves. Mrs Hamilton comes over to the counter, takes a chip, dips
|
|
it<br>
|
|
into the dessicate-laced dip and eats it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Steinbrenner's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George stands before Steinbrenner's desk, in his shirt-sleeves, nonchalantly<br>
|
|
eating something. He occasionally shrugs at Steinbrenner's remarks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: I heard what you did in the parking lot, big boy, and it
|
|
is<br>
|
|
in-excuse-a-bull. You personally insulted me, my staff... I cannot believe
|
|
that<br>
|
|
you, body-suit man, could perpetrate such a disloyalty. Breaks my heart
|
|
to say<br>
|
|
it... Oh, who am I kidding? I love it. You're fi...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks expectant, as Steinbrenner reaches this point. Suddenly,
|
|
Mr Wilhelm<br>
|
|
enters the office.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WILHELM: Wait, wait, Mr Steinbrenner. George doesn't deserve any of the
|
|
blame<br>
|
|
for what happened in the parking lot today, sir. If there's anyone to
|
|
blame<br>
|
|
here, it's me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George stares at Wilhelm in disbelief.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: What're you talking about, Wilhelm. You popping pills? You
|
|
got the<br>
|
|
crazies again?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WILHELM: No, no. No, no, sir. I ordered George to drive around insulting
|
|
people<br>
|
|
today. Because I'm tired of all your macho head games.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (agitated) He's lying, sir! I'm tired of all your macho head games!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: Macho head games?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WILHELM: (puts arm round George's shoulder) He's just being loyal to me,
|
|
sir.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
STEINBRENNER: Wilhelm, you're fired. I owe you an apology, body-suit man.
|
|
Streak<br>
|
|
on. (rising) Now, if you gentlemen'll excuse me, I'm not going to the
|
|
game<br>
|
|
today, I'm gonna go outside and scalp some tickets. (heads toward the
|
|
door)<br>
|
|
Owner's box, that's gotta bring in forty bucks, no problem.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Mr Wilhelm, what was that?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WILHELM: I wanted to get fired. George, you are looking at the new head
|
|
scout of<br>
|
|
the New York Mets.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Wilhelm walks away toward the door, leaving George looking crushed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
WILHELM: (singing) Meet the Mets, meet the Mets. Come right out and greet
|
|
the<br>
|
|
Mets.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I don't know what Elaine is so upset about. I mean, without dessicates,<br>
|
|
those clothes'll be noticeably musty in five years.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: She never sees the big picture.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There's a knock at the door. Jerry opens it to reveal Newman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello, Newman!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Hello Jerry. (to Kramer) What did you say to Elaine? I just got
|
|
her<br>
|
|
cancellation in the mail.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, well I guess she found some place better to go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Well, it's her mistake. Because she is going to miss the party
|
|
of a<br>
|
|
lifetime.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, maybe so, but come midnight, when she's looking for someone
|
|
warm<br>
|
|
and cuddly to kiss, I guess you'll be caught between the moon and New
|
|
York City.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Alright. Come back to my party, please.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Jerry too, of course.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (reluctant) You don't wanna do your... act, or anything, do you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: Alright then, I guess I can accept a little Jerry, if it gets
|
|
me a<br>
|
|
(suggestive) lot of Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry pulls a disgusted face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Deal?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: To the Newmanniun! (holds out his hand)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (grasps Newman's hand) To the Kramennium.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer and Newman move to the door to leave. Newman stops as Jerry speaks
|
|
to<br>
|
|
him, and Kramer exits to his apartment.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: By the way Newman, I'm just curious. When you booked the hotel,
|
|
did you<br>
|
|
book it for the millennium New Year?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
NEWMAN: (smug) As a matter of fact, I did.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, that's interesting, because as everyone knows, since there
|
|
was no<br>
|
|
year zero, the millennium doesn't begin until the year two-thousand and
|
|
one.<br>
|
|
Which would make your party, one year late, and thus, quite lame.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Newman absorbs the logic of Jerry's argument. His face twitches as he
|
|
realises<br>
|
|
his error.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Aww!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Newman makes a noise redolent of his frustration - a sort of half-strangulated<br>
|
|
nasal squeak. He then waddles away after Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Mrs Hamilton's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Valerie and Mrs Hamilton sit on the couch. Mrs Hamilton looks nauseous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MRS HAMILTON: I don't feel well at all. I feel all dried-out inside.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: I'll call for help.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
She picks up the phone and pushes a button marked 'Poison Control'.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Mrs Hamilton's Apartment/Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Who's this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: It's Jerry. Who's this?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: Uh, it's Valerie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Oh, hi Valerie. What's up?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
VALERIE: I'll tell you what's up. My stepmother is violently ill, so I
|
|
hit the<br>
|
|
button for poison control and I get you!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Wow, poison control? That's even higher than number one!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Valerie hangs up the phone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello?<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd06 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
[END]
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|
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|
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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