1541 lines
57 KiB
HTML
1541 lines
57 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Money</h1>
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<p align="left"><br>
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Transcribed by Mark Brockbank, Barrow-in-Furness, UK </p>
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<p align="left">Originally posted on The News Guy(Mike)'s
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site:<br>
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<br>
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</p>
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<p align="left">Episode Number: 146<br>
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Original Air Date: January 16, 1997<br>
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<br>
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Written by: Peter Mehlman<br>
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Directed by: Andy Ackerman<br>
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<br>
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Recurring Cast:<br>
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Liz Sheridan (Helen Seinfeld)<br>
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Barney Martin (Morty Seinfeld)<br>
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Estelle Harris (Estelle Costanza)<br>
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Jerry Stiller (Frank Costanza)<br>
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Sandy Baron (Jack Klompus)<br>
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John O'Hurley (J. Peterman)<br>
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<br>
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Guest Cast:<br>
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Sarah Silverman (Emily)<br>
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Leon W. Grant (Counterperson)<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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[Kramer's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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Kramer and Emily are in bed, having just finished their lovemaking. They're<br>
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both looking very satisfied and smiling.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Well, that was alright, huh?<br>
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<br>
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EMILY: Yeah.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: Well, um, goodnight.<br>
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<br>
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EMILY: Goodnight.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer rolls over to go to sleep. The bedside clock reads 12:30. Emily<br>
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snuggles up to him and puts an arm around him. Kramer doesn't look<br>
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comfortable with this.<br>
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<br>
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[Kramer's Apartment, Later]<br>
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<br>
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The clock reads 3:31. Kramer is lying on his back, sleeping. Beside him,<br>
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Emily lies face-down, sleeping, with her arms flung out wide. One hand
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is on<br>
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the pillow above Kramer's head, then it moves and Emily's forearm runs<br>
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across Kramer's face, waking him. Kramer looks disgruntled at being<br>
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awakened.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: (quietly, to himself) Look at this.<br>
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<br>
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He picks up Emily's hand and moves it back to the pillow behind his head,<br>
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only for the same thing to happen again. Emily's hand moves across his
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face.<br>
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Kramer looks unhappy at the disturbance.<br>
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<br>
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[Kramer's Apartment, Later Still]<br>
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<br>
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The clock reads 5:11. A wide awake Kramer is right over to the edge of
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the<br>
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bed, with Emily cuddled up to him, sleeping happily. Kramer tries to<br>
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carefully move, so as to not wake Emily, but as he shifts his weight,
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he<br>
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slips off the end of the mattress and falls to the floor. Emily rolls
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into<br>
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the space vacated, continuing to sleep.<br>
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<br>
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<br>
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|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
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<br>
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Jerry and his parents enter, carrying a selection of luggage.<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: Jerry, we can only stay four days.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Well, I'm upset, but we'll make the most of it.<br>
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<br>
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Morty and Helen remove their coats.<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: Helen, did you pack my travel gym?<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: Yes. (to Jerry) Oh, your father bought a exercise device off the<br>
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television. He does it every morning at four.<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: Only twenty-five minutes a day, and you can attach it to any<br>
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doorknob.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Huh. So, I guess your travel miles are about to expire.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry carries two cases through into the bedroom as his parents sit on
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the<br>
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couch.<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: Well, actually, Jerry, we wanted to talk to you about something.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry reenters.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Am I finally getting a baby brother?<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: Jerry, be serious.<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: How would you feel if we sold the Cadillac?<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: What? The Cadillac I bought for you?<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: It's too much car, Jerry.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Aw, c'mon, you love that car. What about the Northstar system?<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: I don't think we even use it.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Well, it's a gift and I want you to keep it.<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: We already sold it.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Wh..why didn't you tell me before you sold it?<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: Because we had a buyer, and we couldn't get a free flight until
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now.<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: Well, we could, but we wanted the bulkhead.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: (exasperated) Ugh.<br>
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<br>
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Jerry turns away towards the kitchen as Kramer enters.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: (to Jerry) Man, that Emily is wearing me out.<br>
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<br>
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JERRY: Kramer.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: No, no, no. It's not the sex, Jerry. (noticing Morty and Helen)<br>
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|
Heyy! Seinfelds.<br>
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|
<br>
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HELEN: Hi Kramer.<br>
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|
<br>
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MORTY: Hiya Kramer.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: We're in the middle of a discussion here.<br>
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|
<br>
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KRAMER: Oh yeah? What about?<br>
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<br>
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HELEN: Jerry's upset we sold the Cadillac.<br>
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<br>
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KRAMER: What'd you get for it?<br>
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<br>
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MORTY: Jack Klompus gave us six grand.<br>
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<br>
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Kramer whistles, impressed<br>
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<br>
|
|
JERRY: You sold my Cadillac to Jack Klompus?<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
Morty rises from the couch, taking a cheque out of his pocket.<br>
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|
<br>
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|
MORTY: (trying to press the cheque on Jerry) And we want you to have the<br>
|
|
money.<br>
|
|
<br>
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JERRY: (getting worked up) I don't need the money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
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MORTY: What're you talking about? You had a cheque bounce at the bodega.<br>
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|
<br>
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JERRY: (animated) Oh, is that what this is all about?! I bounce a cheque
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|
and<br>
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|
you sold a Cadillac?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Well, also, Jerry, we read an article in the Sun Sentinel. (digs
|
|
in<br>
|
|
her purse and extracts a newspaper clipping) It says standup comedy is
|
|
not<br>
|
|
what it used to be, what with def jam and all.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Helen passes the clipping to Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, that def jam is a force.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Jerry, you know, I hear wonderful things about Bloomingdales'<br>
|
|
executive training program.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
JERRY: (sits on the back of the couch) Oh my god.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Y'know you've given this comedy thing your best shot. Yeah, you
|
|
had<br>
|
|
some good observations, but it's over. Now, this Bloomingdale thing, that<br>
|
|
could be the next wave.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry lets out an exasperated groan, as Helen rubs his back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Fresh Roasted Coffee Store]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and Elaine have cups of coffee, George is ordering his beans from
|
|
the<br>
|
|
guy behind the counter.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
GEORGE: Uh, excuse me. Uh, pound of Arabian mocha java, please.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The counterperson nods to George, and moves to fill the order.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So, you understand how my Peterman stock options are gonna work?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I'm going to the bathroom.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George leaves.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Just, very interesting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Yeah, when it's your money, it's fascinating.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The guy behind the counter brings a bag of coffee over.<br>
|
|
<br>
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|
COUNTERPERSON: Arabian mocha java?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (looks for George) Mmm. (can't see him) Oh, um, I got it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine takes the bag and pays for it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: That Arabian is strong coffee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: It's PLO blend.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George rejoins the gang.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ohh, I got your coffee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine proffers the bag to George. He takes it and reaches for his pocket.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh Oh, here, lemme uh...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (waving away) Nah, nah, it's on me. (looks at her watch) Aww,
|
|
man.<br>
|
|
Okay, listen guys, I'm gonna be late. (taking her cup of coffee) I'll
|
|
see<br>
|
|
you, okay? (begins to walk away)<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Bye.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Mmm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine leaves. Jerry moves to wander out of the store also, when George<br>
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|
stops him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You see what just happened here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: She treated me to the Arabian mocha java.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: And you misinterpret this how?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: She's stickin' it to me that she makes more money than me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm sure she was just being nice, buying you the coffee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: No, not nice. She's stickin' it to me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You're crazy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (worked up) Stickin' it to me, Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (angry) Stickin' it!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George walks off, pulling an angry face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and George sit in a booth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: So you're buying the car back for your parents?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I'm flying down to Florida tomorrow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Your parents'll never let you do it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: They lied to me about selling the car. I'll lie to them about buying<br>
|
|
it back. They think they can dump six grand on me? Think again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What kind of money you think your parents have?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Excuse me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I bet they have more money than mine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Come on, your parents have money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You think?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: When did they ever spend any money?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Never.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What are their living expenses?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Nothing.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Where do they ever go on vacation?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Nowhere.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry gives a little 'you do the math' shrug to George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: How much money d'you think they have?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Few hundred grand?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (excited) You're saying I stand to inherit three hundred thousand<br>
|
|
dollars, is that what you're saying?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Course you may not see it for twenty years.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Twenty years? That long?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Does your father still eat bacon and eggs every day?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Fortunately, yes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: How's your family history?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I have an aunt that died at seven.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Aunt Baby.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine sits behind her desk, in the big fancy office she gets standing
|
|
in<br>
|
|
for Peterman as president. Kramer enters.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Elaine. Uh, you got a moment?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah, Kramer, come on in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I, uh, need to speak to you about some lady problems.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer sits in front of Elaine's desk.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (unsure) Oh-kay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (a little anxious) You know, after I have sex with Emily, uh,
|
|
I<br>
|
|
don't want her in the bed any more.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Ah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Yeah, because she's throwing off my whole sleep. She's got the
|
|
jimmy<br>
|
|
legs.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (confused) Jimmy legs?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer raises one leg and judders it in the air, as illustration.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Jimmy leg.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (grasping the concept) Ohh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: So, uh, well, maybe I should just be honest with her, huh?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Tell her after sex, you just want her outta there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, I'd say it nicely.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I don't think so.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well, you know, I really like this girl and I, you know, I think
|
|
if<br>
|
|
I could just work out this one thing...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (interrupting) Yeah. I gotta be honest with you Kramer. You might
|
|
be<br>
|
|
more than just a coupla tweaks away from a healthy relationship.<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Well you're not exactly zeroing in yourself, lady.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (pointing to the door, angry) Alright, get out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer starts to move, and thumps his knee on the underside of the desk.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
rises and begins to head for the door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (impatient) Get out!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty and Helen sit on the couch, watching TV and doing a crossword,<br>
|
|
respectively. Jerry enters from the bedroom, carrying a suitcase.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: So listen, I gotta go down to Atlantic City. I'm performing at<br>
|
|
Bally's.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You just heard about this today?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (pulling on a jacket) They had a cancellation and they instantly<br>
|
|
called me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Who cancelled?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Carrot Top. I told you, my career's fine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The Costanza Home, Queens]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George and his parents are seated at the table in the kitchen, eating
|
|
a meal<br>
|
|
of spaghetti.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I been, uh, thinking about the family. Tell me, uh, about Aunt
|
|
Baby.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (looks up to heaven) She's deceased.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (glances upwards) Yeah. Uhm, why did she die so young?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (looks to Estelle) She had problems. (Estelle nods) Internal.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Is that common in our family?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Well, your uncle Moe, he died a young man.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Also internal problems.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: It's that temper on your side. They're yelling and yelling, and<br>
|
|
then one day, they're all gone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: What about your side? Your cousin Hennie. (animated) She was sickly<br>
|
|
from the moment I met her!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: (shouts) Don't you talk about Hennie!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I guess you two are the lucky ones.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: So far.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Frank, if Aunt Baby were alive today, how old would she be?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: She'd never make it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George thinks a little and looks hopeful.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer and Emily sit at a table. Emily looks a little angry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: So let me get this straight. You enjoy the lovemaking...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Shh, shh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: (quieter) Well, do you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh yeah, like strawberry pie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: Okay, but you have a problem sharing a bed with me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I know it's not what the ladies like. But without some solid sack<br>
|
|
time, I'm a zombie.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: I don't know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (pleading) Aww, c'mon, man. Meet me halfway.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: You're not easy, Kramer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I know.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Animation]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
On a map of the East Coast of the US, a long red arrow appears from New
|
|
York<br>
|
|
to Del Boca Vista.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Klompus Home, Del Boca Vista]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry sits on a chair as Jack, standing, speaks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this, unannounced, visit?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I wanna buy back the Cadillac.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: You wanna buy it back? Why, you go drugs hidden in the trunk?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jack chuckles at his own joke. Jerry stares back at him, unamused.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I'm kidding.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (reaching into his pocket) Alright, I'll give you nine thousand
|
|
for<br>
|
|
it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry puts is chequebook on the table<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Nine thousand for a Cadillac? It's got no miles on it.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You bought it for six!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: You're not me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (standing) How much d'you want for it?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: The Kelly blue book value. Twenty-two thousand dollars.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry pulls a 'you have to be kidding' face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Fourteen thousand.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Done. But, I get to drive it tomorrow, because Doris wants to go
|
|
to<br>
|
|
Naples.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry starts to write the cheque, but his pen is obviously not working<br>
|
|
properly. Jack pulls out his own pen (the astronaut pen from 'The Pen')
|
|
and<br>
|
|
offers it to Jerry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Need a pen?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry scribbles with his pen, to try and encourage it, but to no avail.
|
|
He<br>
|
|
looks to Jack, who's holding out his pen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Still works.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty and Helen are by the counter, as Kramer comes in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey, where's Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: He's performing at Bally's in Atlantic City.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Aw, okay. (picks up the phone and starts dialling) Yeah, I need
|
|
his<br>
|
|
shoeshine kit. (still dialling) He always hides it from me. (puts the
|
|
phone<br>
|
|
to his ear and waits for a second or two) Yeah, Bally's? Yeah, Jerry<br>
|
|
Seinfeld's room, please.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You know that number?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I used to have a problem. (into phone) Well, what d'you mean,
|
|
he's<br>
|
|
not registered? Wha..S, E, I, N, V...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: F. F, E, L , D.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: ...F, E, L, D. (half-laughing) Well, I think you're wrong. (listens)<br>
|
|
Alright, you have a lucky day, too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer rings off.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: He's not there?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No, they never heard of him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer puts down the phone, and walks off to look for the shoeshine kit.<br>
|
|
Morty and Helen exchange worried looks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Restaurant]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George, Elaine and Jerry's parents sit at a table in a fancy restaurant.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: This is so nice of you to take us all out to dinner, George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (oozing fake sincerity) Well, as much as I enjoy all the<br>
|
|
good-natured ribbing, nothing really makes me happier than spending money
|
|
on<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
the people I care about.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Where's Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Oh, he'll be here. By the way, Elaine, (reaches under the table
|
|
and<br>
|
|
brings out a large coffee machine) thank you for laying out for the Arabian<br>
|
|
mocha java.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George puts the gift in front of Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: George, you didn't have to do this. I'm president of a big company.<br>
|
|
I can afford to buy you coffee.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (surprised) President?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry enters, with his bag over his shoulder.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Hey look, he's back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I got your message, (sitting) so I came straight from Atlantic
|
|
City.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Jerry, Kramer called Bally's. You weren't registered.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (extemporising) Well, I can't stay under my own name. I was<br>
|
|
registered under Slappy White.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Helen looks unconvinced. A spiffily-dressed Frank and Estelle enter the<br>
|
|
restaurant and are spotted by George.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Mom? Dad?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Well, look who's here. Hello, Seinfelds.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty half-nods a greeting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Wh..what're you doing here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: We're having an upscale dinner.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Well, after talking to you, we realised we may not have much
|
|
time<br>
|
|
left.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: So, we're blowing it all.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks unhappy at this news.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (holding out his tie) Look George, it's a Pierre Cardin.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Emily's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Once again, Kramer and Emily are basking in the afterglow.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: That was alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
They both lie still for a few seconds.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (abruptly) Well, I'll see you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer climbs quickly out of the bed to leave.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty, dressed in exercise gear, emerges from the bedroom. He is carrying<br>
|
|
the travel gym. He creeps across the room, so as not to wake Jerry, who
|
|
is<br>
|
|
asleep on the couch, quietly opens the door and slips outside.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Kramer's Apartment/Hallway]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is asleep in his bed, when something wakes him. He can hear a<br>
|
|
thumping and a rattling sound. Kramer turns over and looks across at his<br>
|
|
door, to see the handle turning, as if someone outside were trying to
|
|
open<br>
|
|
it. A look of horror comes to Kramer's face.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Outside in the hallway, Morty has his travel gym attached to Kramer's<br>
|
|
doorknob. As he pulls on the arrangement of cords and pulleys, they in
|
|
turn<br>
|
|
pull at the doorknob.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Inside Kramer's apartment, a terrified Kramer pulls the blankets over
|
|
his<br>
|
|
head and lies quivering underneath.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry's Apartment/Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty and Helen are eating at the table. The phone rings and Jerry answers.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Hello.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A dishevelled and muddy Jack Klompus is on the other end of the line,
|
|
using<br>
|
|
a cellular phone somewhere outdoors in Florida.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (shouting like there's a bad line) Jerry, I had a little mishap
|
|
with<br>
|
|
the car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The front portion of the Cadillac is submerged in a swamp, with the tail
|
|
end<br>
|
|
pointed upwards.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I'm down here in alligator alley. You better get down here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry tries not to give anything away to his parents.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (quiet) Huh. Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry puts down the phone and moves towards the bedroom.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Who was that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (extemporising) That was the Golden Nugget. Also in Atlantic City.<br>
|
|
They heard such good things about my show at Bally's, they want me for<br>
|
|
tonight. So I'll have to repack, and go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry leaves to the bedroom. Helen and Morty don't look convinced by Jerry's<br>
|
|
spiel. They talk quietly so's Jerry can't hear in the next room.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: That didn't sound like the Golden Nugget.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I'm worried. What happens if we have to support Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I'd have to go back to work.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Where would you work?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Maybe I should talk to Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Elaine's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine sits behind her desk, interviewing a smartly dressed Morty.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well, Mr Seinfeld, I..I'm not sure I understand why you want a
|
|
job<br>
|
|
here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What's not to understand?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well, for one thing, you live in Florida.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I'm very comfortable working outta the house. I have a phone, we
|
|
have<br>
|
|
a Kinko's nearby. You know, I think that my resume speaks for itself.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (looking around her desk) Where is your resume?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: I don't have it. I'll mail you one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Alright, Mr Seinfeld, I... What kind of position did you have
|
|
in<br>
|
|
mind?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You sell clothes here, don't you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Well, I sold raincoats in the garment centre for thirty-eight years.<br>
|
|
In nineteen forty-nine...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (interrupting) Alright. Alright, alright. You come in tomorrow,<br>
|
|
we'll find something for you to do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: You won't regret this, Miss Benes. What time should I be in? I
|
|
get up<br>
|
|
at four, I could be here as early as four twenty-five.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Uhm...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peterman enters the office.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: (upbeat) Oh, Elaine, this dry air is curing me like a Black
|
|
Forest<br>
|
|
ham.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peterman strides across the office to another door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (stunned) Mr Peterman. You're back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peterman goes through the other door, and closes it behind him. Elaine,<br>
|
|
stands, her mouth agape in shock.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Who's Mr Fancy?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Emily's Apartment]<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer and Emily in bed again.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (hesitant) I uh, I was thinking maybe I should spend the night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: Aww, that's sweet, but actually I, I think I'd prefer it if you
|
|
left.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (surprise) What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: You were completely right. I sleep so much better when I'm alone.<br>
|
|
(pause) And you scream in your sleep.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer looks intensely nervous.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (fearful) There was a man, he was trying to get into my apartment<br>
|
|
last night. He was jiggling the doorknob for twenty-five minutes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: C'mon, it was probably the wind.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: No, no, no. It was a fearless cat burglar. (pleading) Now listen,<br>
|
|
you gotta let me sleep here, huh? Y'know, I'll stay here on my side, and<br>
|
|
I'll stuff a sock in my mouth. (panicky) 'Cos I don't wanna sleep alone.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: (adamant) Well, I do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Animation]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Another arrow is drawn from New York to Del Boca Vista.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Street, Del Boca Vista]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A tow truck has hauled the Cadillac out of the swamp and back to Del Boca<br>
|
|
Vista. It's plastered with mud and filth over its entire length. Jack<br>
|
|
Klompus stands beside it, still mud-spattered. Jerry climbs out of a cab.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: What took you so long?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: I live in New York. (slams the cab door) What the hell happened?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The cab drives away.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: This thing is a, is a behemoth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: What did you do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I was, I was making a, a simple lane change. I, I put on the blinker<br>
|
|
and it took off on me. And the next thing you know, I was submerged. I'm<br>
|
|
telling you, Jerry, I'm very lucky that those crocs didn't get me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry opens the door of the Cadillac and a torrent of muddy water containing<br>
|
|
a couple of catfish spills out over his feet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (exasperation) You are such an idiot. Well, we gotta get the car<br>
|
|
cleaned up for my parents.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (shrugging) Do whatever you want. It's your car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: My car? You drove it into the swamp!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: It drove itself into the swamp! Besides, I think I lost my pen,
|
|
too.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: (smiling with pleasure) You know, that almost makes this all<br>
|
|
worthwhile.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The Costanza Home, Queens]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Frank and Estelle sit in the living room as George walks in from the front<br>
|
|
door.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (pointing outside) Why is there a Cadillac parked in front of
|
|
the<br>
|
|
house?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: That's your mother's new car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You bought that?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: It's a Coupe de Elegance.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Your father wanted a Mercedes, but I won't ride in a German car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks like he's going to say something, but then the door to the<br>
|
|
kitchen opens and Kramer walks in, wearing a dressing gown and pyjamas
|
|
and<br>
|
|
carrying a mug of coffee. He slaps George on the back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Mornin'.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer walks round the stunned George, and sits on the couch.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, boy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: What the hell is going on here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I had some trouble at my place, so I need a little company at
|
|
night<br>
|
|
to sleep.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: George, your mother and I, and Kramer (holds Kramer's hand) have<br>
|
|
been talking.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (dread) Oh god.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Uh, George, your parents can't blow through their savings in this<br>
|
|
community. It's low-rent. Now, we feel that Florida is really the place<br>
|
|
where they should be.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (claps his hands) You can drop a grand in Disneyworld, like that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Wait a minute. (astonished) You're thinking of moving to Florida<br>
|
|
again?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: Well, it's either that or we stay here, near you, and just sit
|
|
on<br>
|
|
the money. What do you think we should do, Georgie?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks surprised, confused and thoughtful, all at the same time.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Peterman's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peterman sits behind his desk in the office which was, until recently,<br>
|
|
Elaine's. Employees sit around the desk, including Morty and Elaine, who<br>
|
|
sits depressed at the end of the desk.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: So, anyway, effective immediately, Miss Benes will return to
|
|
her<br>
|
|
old position, at her original salary...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine does a double take at this, and looks unhappy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: ...and I, of course, will return to mine. Kudos, Elaine, on
|
|
a<br>
|
|
job... done.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (hardly daring to ask) What about my stock options?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: I think not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine puts a hand to her head and sighs.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: Now, down to business. (thoughtful) I have had this vision of
|
|
a<br>
|
|
diaphanous rum-runner scarf.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The employees take notes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Well, we could fly some fabric in from our silk factories, for
|
|
about<br>
|
|
a thousand dollars a bolt.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (shocked) A thousand?! I know a coupla Chinamen over there on<br>
|
|
Forty-third Street, who'll do it for half that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (tactful) It's, ah, Asian-Americans.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: (puzzled) Who are you?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Don't worry, I...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Morty Seinfeld. I cut velvet for forty years with Harry Altman.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Okay, Mr Seinfeld, this is not the t...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: Elaine, did you hire this man?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (worried) No, no. Well, I mean, you know, he's more like an intern,<br>
|
|
you know, at best.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George and Elaine sit in a booth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So, if your parents move to Florida, you're poor.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (pointing out the positive) But happy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Obviously. And if they stay, you're rich, but...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine gestures with her hand.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Obviously.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Quite a dilemma. You know, I have a bit of a dilemma of my own.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: No, no. No, no, no. (determined) We're staying on me. We haven't<br>
|
|
solved anything yet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Alright, this is easy. Let 'em go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd05 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
GEORGE: What d'you mean, let 'em go? They're spending all my money.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Alright, well, then they stay. Lemma ask you something...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (upset) Could you put a little thought into this? Jerry's gone,
|
|
you<br>
|
|
could humour me. He humours me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Speaking of Jerry, his father is driving me so crazy down at<br>
|
|
Peterman's.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You know what I do at the Yankees, when one of these old guys
|
|
is<br>
|
|
breathing down my neck?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: You schedule a late meeting.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (puzzlement) Huh? What does that do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: These old guys, they're up at 4 a.m., by two thirty they're wiped.<br>
|
|
(animated) How did we get back onto you?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (grabbing her bag and coat) I gotta split.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine gets up and leaves.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (shouted after Elaine) You know, I got nothing outta this!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The Costanza Home, Queens]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer, wrapped in a quilt enters the Costanza's bedroom. Frank enters
|
|
from<br>
|
|
the bathroom, drying his hands with a towel.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Hey Frank, you got two beds in here.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: That's right. That's me on the left.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: So, you sleep in separate beds.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Thirty years ago, we came to an agreement. It was the only way
|
|
I<br>
|
|
could get some rest.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (intrigued) Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (confidential) Estelle's got the (jerks his elbow) jimmy arms.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: You can get that in your arms?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: Like you wouldn't believe.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Klompus Home, Del Boca Vista]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
A grubby Jerry sits at the table, with Jack hovering over him.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: Jerry, it's getting late. You've cleaned up the car. You've made
|
|
all<br>
|
|
your phone calls. Why are you still here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, I uh, maxed out my credit cards, and I don't have enough
|
|
cash<br>
|
|
for a hotel room. So...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: You are uh, thinking of staying here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: (laughing) You've got some nerve. I almost break my neck in that<br>
|
|
death-trap of yours, and now you ask me for a favour!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You didn't like that crack about the pen.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JACK: I did not.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The Costanza Home, Queens]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George and his parents sit at the kitchen table, while Kramer does some<br>
|
|
washing up in the sink.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: Well, I've given this a lot of thought, and I've gotta say...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George is distracted momentarily by Kramer clattering dishes. He gives<br>
|
|
Kramer a look and continues.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (attempting sincerity) As much as I'd like to see the two of you<br>
|
|
living it up in a warm, tropical, setting, I, I would just miss you too<br>
|
|
much. (smiling) So, I've decided, I want you to stay.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: It's too late. We bought a condo at Del Boca Vista. We're leaving<br>
|
|
tonight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Estelle and Frank smile at each other.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (crestfallen) But you said it was my call.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: We were just being nice.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George looks crushed.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: (motherly concern) Cosmo, are you sure you're gonna be alright
|
|
here<br>
|
|
alone?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: Oh, yeah, yeah. I got Emily coming over tonight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (animated) You're letting him have a woman over?!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: He's not family. It's different, psychologically.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer is examining the label on a wine bottle, as George turns to look
|
|
at<br>
|
|
him. He gives George a little smile.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Peterman's Office]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The employees, including Elaine and Morty, sit round Peterman's desk as
|
|
he<br>
|
|
waxes lyrical about his adventures. Morty looks impatient, glancing at
|
|
his<br>
|
|
watch as Peterman speaks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: And so, I made an explosive out of chick peas, and I stopped
|
|
that<br>
|
|
great rhino right in his tracks.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Well, it's getting kinda late, why don't we uh...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Mr Peterman, that can't have been the only time that you faced<br>
|
|
mortal danger.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: (smiles and laughs) Ha ha ha. Funny you should ask, Elaine.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Look, if we're gonna stay here until all hours of the night, can
|
|
we<br>
|
|
at least get some food here?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: (looks at his watch) It's only five fifteen. So, later on that<br>
|
|
same day, I developed a great hankering for some wild honey...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (standing) Okay, I'm done. I'll be back in the morning, when he's<br>
|
|
close to finish with his story.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty heads for the door. Peterman's voice brings him to a halt.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: Morty. My stories are what sell these clothes.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: Cheap fabric, and dim lighting. That's how you move merchandise.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PETERMAN: (winks) Morty, you're out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: (unconcerned) Ach, I never knew what the hell I was peddling with<br>
|
|
those stupid cartoons and that paper book, anyway.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty walks out, leaving a not entirely unhappy Elaine behind.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Animation]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
An arrow is drawn on the East Coast map, this time from Queens to Del
|
|
Boca<br>
|
|
Vista.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Street, Del Boca Vista]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Frank walks along the sidewalk, past a familiar looking Cadillac. Something<br>
|
|
catches his eye, and he looks into the car. A figure is asleep on the
|
|
back<br>
|
|
seat with his face covered. Frank 'gives a what is the world coming to'
|
|
look<br>
|
|
and throws up his hands as he walks away.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
After he leaves, the figure shifts in his sleep, turning over. It's Jerry,<br>
|
|
sleeping in his parent's Cadillac.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The Costanza Home, Queens]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer stands in the doorway of the bathroom, while Emily sits on Estelle's<br>
|
|
bed, reading a paperback.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I don't know why I let you talk me into that corned beef at<br>
|
|
Snitzer's.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: (not looking up from her book) No-one held a gun to your head.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (dismissive) Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: (still reading) Don't forget, we're eating dinner at the Feinerman's<br>
|
|
tomorrow night.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (moody) Oh, why do I have to go? They're your friends.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd06 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
EMILY: You like 'em.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: I've had it with 'em.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer disappears into the bathroom.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: Then we won't go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer reemerges with a glass of water.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (yielding) Okay, okay. What time?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
EMILY: Eight thirty.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer downs the glass of water in one go, and then belches.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER: (satisfied) Ahh. That was alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Emily smiles at him, then returns to her book.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Monk's]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry, George and Elaine sit in a booth. Jerry drinking coffee, George<br>
|
|
eating and Elaine reading from the pages of a newspaper.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: 'One bright note in today's market, was the stock of retailer
|
|
J<br>
|
|
Peterman, whose founder's surprise return generated a rise of twelve and
|
|
a<br>
|
|
half points.'<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Elaine folds the paper and drops it on the table.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Mmm-mmm-mmm. That means, if you still had those stock options...<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (downcast) Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (Jerry-style) That's a shame.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (sharp) What, are you sticking it to me?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (innocent) What?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: I think you're sticking it to me.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Elaine, I'm sure George is just being sympathetic.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: (leaning forward and accusing) Stickin' it!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George doesn't meet Elaine's stare.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: You're not alone. I'm practically broke.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Really?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: No. But, I did blow over twenty thousand on that Cadillac.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George takes another forkful of what's on his plate.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: (relishing) Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. Delicious.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Well, you seem happy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE: I am. The folks are twelve hundred miles away. (gleeful) I'm basking<br>
|
|
in the buffer zone. (looks for the waitress) 'Nother piece of pie here!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: So, were your parents shocked to see the Cadillac?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY: Actually, I haven't heard from 'em yet.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ELAINE: Hmm.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Florida]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Morty and Helen sit on a couch, reading magazines.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: When are we gonna tell Jerry?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: I don't wanna worry him. We'll tell him next time we go up.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MORTY: He thought he could buy back that Cadillac for us? He's not getting<br>
|
|
away with that.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
It's revealed that the Seinfelds are in a trailer parked behind the<br>
|
|
Cadillac.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
HELEN: Besides, that condo was too much house.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[The Costanza Home, Del Boca Vista]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Estelle is sitting on the couch in the condo, while Frank peers out of
|
|
the<br>
|
|
window.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ESTELLE: How many times can you check the car?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
FRANK: (coming away from the window) I saw a bum sleeping in a Cadillac
|
|
the<br>
|
|
other day.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Frank sits in a chair.<br>
|
|
<br>
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ESTELLE: Why would someone break into a car to take a nap?<br>
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<br>
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FRANK: They don't nap. They make it their home. They urinate in there!<br>
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<br>
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ESTELLE: (shouts) You're driving me crazy!<br>
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<br>
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FRANK: (standing) That's it, we're going back to Queens. (claps hands)<br>
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Where's my hat?<br>
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<br>
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Frank walks out of the room.<br>
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<br>
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ESTELLE: (shouts) Nooh!<br>
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<br>
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[END]</p>
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<p align="left">Originally posted on The News Guy(Mike)'s
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site:<br>
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<a href="http://www.geocities.com/tnguym/scripts2.html">http://www.geocities.com/tnguym/scripts2.html</a></p>
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<p
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align="center"> </p>
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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</div>
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|
<!-- content -->
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<div id="navBar">
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<div id="upperBox">
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript"
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src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
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|
</script>
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|
</div>
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|
<div class="leftnav"><br />
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|
<ul>
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<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
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|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
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|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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|
<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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|
|
|
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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|
|
|
|
|
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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|
<div>
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|
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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|
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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|
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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|
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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</div>
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</form>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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|
<p> </p>
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|
</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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|
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|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
|
|
google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
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|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
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<p ></p>
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|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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|
<script type="text/javascript">
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|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|
|
<!-- text below generated by server. PLEASE REMOVE -->
|
|
<script language="JavaScript">var PUpage="76001089"; var PUprop="geocities"; </script><script language="JavaScript" src="http://www.geocities.com/js_source/pu5geo.js"></script><script language="JavaScript" src="http://www.geocities.com/js_source/ygIELib9.js?v3"></script><script language="JavaScript">var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001089&l=NE&b=1&t=1038009644';yviR='us';yfiEA(0);</script><script language="JavaScript" src="http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mc/mc.js"></script><script language="JavaScript" src="http://domainpending.com/js_source/geov2.js"></script><script language="javascript">geovisit();</script><noscript></noscript> |