867 lines
45 KiB
HTML
867 lines
45 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Movie</h1>
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============================================================================</p>
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<p>Episode #415 </p>
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<p>Originally Aired: Wednesday, January 6, 1993, 9:00PM</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Production Credits:</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ................. Larry Charles</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ................. Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>Executive Producers .................. Andrew Sheinman</p>
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<p>Larry David</p>
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<p>George Shapiro & Howard West</p>
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<p>Created By ........................... Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Written By ........................... Steve Skrovan & </p>
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<p>Bill Masters & </p>
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<p>Jon Hayman</p>
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<p>Directed By .......................... Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Cast:</p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh!)</p>
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<p>George Castanza ...................... Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine Benes ......................... Julia Louis-Drefus</p>
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<p>Kramer ............................... Michael Richards</p>
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<p>With:</p>
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<p>Buckles .............................. Barry Diamond</p>
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<p>Usher ................................ Perry Anzilotti</p>
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<p>Kernis ............................... Tom La Grua</p>
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<p>Maurice .............................. Eric Poppick</p>
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<p>Woman Behind Elaine .................. Cathy Lind Hayes</p>
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<p>And:</p>
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<p>Cab Driver ........................... Alan Kolman</p>
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<p>Cashier .............................. Molly Cleator</p>
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<p>Concessionaire ....................... Christie Mellor</p>
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<p>Man In Line .......................... Jeff Norman</p>
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<p>Man In Theatre ....................... Paul Eisenhauer</p>
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<p>Woman In Theatre ..................... Montrose Hagins</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Previous episode references:</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>None.</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Net reaction and comments:</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Discussion about how Papaya King is a real place. Or, more accurately,</p>
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<p>places.</p>
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<p>...</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>Quotes and Scene summary:</p>
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<p>============================================================================</p>
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<p>% Opening monologue</p>
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<p>Jerry: What's with the age gap hiring policy at most movie theaters?
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Didja </p>
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<p>ever notice, they never hire anyone between the ages of fifteen...
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</p>
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<p>and eighty, you know what I mean? Like, the girl that sells you
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the </p>
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<p>ticket, she's ten. Then there's the guy who rips the ticket, he's
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a </p>
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<p>hundred and two. So, what happened in the middle, there? You </p>
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<p>couldn't find anybody? It's like they want to show you how life
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</p>
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<p>comes full circle. You're fifteen, you sell the tickets. Then you
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</p>
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<p>leave, you go out, you have a family, kids, marriage, career, </p>
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<p>grandchildren, eighty years later, you're back in the same theater
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</p>
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<p>three feet away. Ripping tickets. Took you eighty years to move
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</p>
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<p>three feet.</p>
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<p>[Monologue: 32 seconds]</p>
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<p>% A night at the Improv. Jerry receives some disturbing news from
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the</p>
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<p>% manager: The show has been delayed.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You don't understand. I got this all timed out. I got another
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</p>
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<p>spot across town at 9:50, I'm not gonna be able to make it!</p>
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<p>% As impeccable and precise in his business dealings as he is with
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his</p>
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<p>% apartment.</p>
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<p>Kernis: I hear you, guy.</p>
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<p>Jerry: And I'm doin' Letterman Monday. You know, I gotta work out
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the </p>
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<p>material!</p>
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<p>% In the background is the plot complication of the week: Buckles.</p>
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<p>% The manager assures Jerry that Buckles isn't on the menu. He
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just</p>
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<p>% hangs around hoping that somebody drops out.</p>
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<p>Kernis: Why don't you come back and do the 11 o'clock spot?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I'm supposed to meet my friends to see this movie ``CheckMate''</p>
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<p>at 10:30.</p>
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<p>% On consideration, Jerry decides to take the 11 o'clock spot and
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skip</p>
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<p>% the movie. Jerry is on his way out the door when Buckles spots
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him.</p>
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<p>Buckles: Hey, Jer!</p>
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<p>Jerry: [not losing a step] Heeeeyyyyyyyy..... [and out the door]</p>
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<p>% At the Paragon Theater, George joins the end of a queue. He taps</p>
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<p>% the shoulder of the man in front of him.</p>
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<p>George: Excuse me, do you have a ticket?</p>
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<p>Man: No.</p>
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<p>George: Okay. Good.</p>
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<p>% Misunderstanding number one: When Jerry shows up at the other
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comedy</p>
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<p>% place, the manager tells him his spot was for 9:15, not 9:50.
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The</p>
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<p>% manager had no choice but to give Jerry's spot to...</p>
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<p>Buckles: Jerry!</p>
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<p>Jerry: What are <you> doing here?</p>
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<p>Buckles: Hey, do you think this is funny? ``Why do they call it
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athlete's</p>
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<p>foot? You don't have to be an athlete to get it. I mean, my </p>
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<p>father gets it all the time, and believe me, he's no athlete!''</p>
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<p>% And you're no Jack Kennedy. Jerry is understandably unimpressed.</p>
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<p>% He tries to escape, but Buckles won't let him. Jerry is on his
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way</p>
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<p>% to the theater to tell his friends he can't make it, then back
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to</p>
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<p>% the Improv. Buckles offers to join him and split the fare. ``I've</p>
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<p>% got time! It'll give us a chance to know each other a little
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better!''</p>
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<p>%</p>
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<p>% Elaine joins George in the queue.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I've been *dying* to see ``CheckMate''.</p>
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<p>George: Well, if it's as good as ``Ponce de Leon'', I'll be happy.</p>
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<p>Elaine: ``Ponce de Leon'', are you kidding me? I hated that movie!</p>
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<p>George: ``Ponce de Leon''? But that was great!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, <come on>. That Fountain of Youth scene at the
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end, where </p>
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<p>they're all splashin' around, and then they go running over to
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the </p>
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<p>mirror to see if it really worked? I mean, come on! [laughing too
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</p>
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<p>hard to continue] That's stupid!</p>
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<p>George: Lemme tell you sum'in. When Ponce looked in that mirror
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and saw </p>
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<p>that he hadn't changed, and that tear started to roll down his
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</p>
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<p>cheek? ... I lost it.</p>
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<p>% Apparently, a movie that can be interpreted on two levels.</p>
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<p>%</p>
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<p>% Misunderstanding number two: Kramer joins George and Elaine after</p>
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<p>% looking for them at the Paradise Twin around the corner. Elaine</p>
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<p>% hates the Paradise because it's a multiplex; she'd rather see
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a</p>
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<p>% movie on a big screen. Something catches Kramer's eye.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Listen, I'm gonna get a hot dog at Payapa King.</p>
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<p>G+E: No, wait!</p>
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<p>George: You're not going to get back here in time!</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm starvin', I haven't had any dinner!</p>
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<p>Elaine: You can get a hot dog in the theater.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I don't wanna get a movie hot dog!</p>
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<p>[in tears] I want a Papaya King hot dog!</p>
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<p>Elaine: Kramer, Jerry is going to be here any second, and then
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this line is</p>
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<p>going to start moving, and we're going to end up in the front row.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, just save me a seat.</p>
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<p>% This touches a raw nerve.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No! I don't want to save seats. Don't put me through that!
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I once</p>
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<p>had the fleece just ripped out of my winter coat in a seat-saving
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</p>
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<p>incident!</p>
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<p>% Kramer just asks for his ticket, but George doesn't have them.</p>
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<p>George: I'm in line to buy.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No, George, this is the ticket-<holders> line.</p>
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<p>George: No it's not, it's the ticket-<buyers> line.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Then how come we're not moving?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Good question.</p>
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<p>% George addresses the man in front of him.</p>
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<p>George: Is this the ticket holders line, or the buyers?</p>
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<p>% George gloats, knowing what the answer is going to be.</p>
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<p>Man: Holders.</p>
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<p>% Instant double-take.</p>
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<p>George: But I asked you before if you had a ticket, and you said
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no!</p>
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<p>Man: I didn't. My friend was getting it.</p>
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<p>George: [furious] Good. It's good to be accurate like that.</p>
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<p>% Misunderstanding number three. George goes to get tickets, leaving</p>
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<p>% Elaine and Kramer to talk behind his back.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Can you believe him?</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Kramer: He's spaced out.</p>
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<p>% Let him who is without sin, Kramer.</p>
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<p>Elaine: How long would *you* have stood in the ticket-holders line?</p>
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<p>Kramer: [thinks for a while]</p>
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<p>Elaine: [gives up] Yeah, exactly...</p>
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<p>% The movie has sold out. ``Real good, George. Real good.'' It's
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now </p>
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<p>% 10:20, and Kramer suggests they go watch the 10:45 showing of
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"CheckMate"</p>
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<p>% at the Paradise. Elaine enters whine mode.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I don't wanna go to a... miniplex multi-theater!</p>
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<p>George: It's the same movie! What's the difference?</p>
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<p>Elaine: It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in
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POWs to </p>
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<p>show them propaganda films.</p>
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<p>% But she gives in. New plan. George and Elaine will get tickets
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at</p>
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<p>% the Paradise, while Kramer waits at the Paragon to tell Jerry
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of the</p>
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<p>% change in plans. But Kramer can't keep his eye off the Papaya
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King</p>
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<p>% sign, flashing, beckoning, practically begging...</p>
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<p>%</p>
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<p>% Jerry suffers through Buckles' telling of his life story in the
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taxi.</p>
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<p>Jerry: [to taxi driver] Take the Park!</p>
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<p>Buckles: No no no, take 55th.</p>
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<p>% Jerry can't stand it. Buckles somehow drifted onto the subject
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of</p>
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<p>% fish and how much he hates it.</p>
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<p>Buckles: Jerry, I want you to do me a favor. No more fish!</p>
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<p>Jerry: [rubbing his eyes hoping the nightmare will end]</p>
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<p>Okay, I get your point!</p>
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<p>Buckles: I had a point?</p>
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<p>% At the Paradise, George succeeds in obtaining the tickets, and
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he</p>
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<p>% joins Elaine in the ticket-holders line. (Right?)</p>
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<p>George: Hey, you know what else is playing here? ``Rochelle Rochelle''.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Sigh/Ugh.</p>
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<p>George: I wouldn't mind seein' <that>.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah. You know, men can sit through the most boring movie
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if</p>
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<p>there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will</p>
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<p>take her top off.</p>
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<p>George: So what's your point?</p>
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<p>% Yeah, what's your point?</p>
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<p>George: By the way, you owe me seven fifty.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, all right. Can you break a twenty?</p>
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<p>George: No, I don't have any change.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, well, then I'll pay you later.</p>
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<p>George: Or, I could take the twenty, then I could pay *you* later.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, you *could*...</p>
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<p>George: Might be easier.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I mean, how is that easier? I mean, then you would owe
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me twelve</p>
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<p>fifty instead of me owing you seven fifty.</p>
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<p>George: [trying to act as if he doesn't care one way or the other,
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but we</p>
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<p>know better] Either way.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
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<p>George: So... Can I have it?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I tell you what, I'll get the popcorn and the soda.</p>
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<p>George: Whaddya mean, you'll ``get'' the popcorn and the soda?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I will buy your popcorn and soda. We'll call it even.</p>
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<p>George: I tell you what, you give me the twenty, and I will buy</p>
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<p>*you* a popcorn and soda, and I'll throw in a bon-bons.</p>
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<p>Elaine: [exasperated] George, you're sappin' my strength.</p>
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<p>% The line begins to move. George offers to wait outside for K+J.</p>
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<p>George: You go in and save seats.</p>
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<p>Elaine: [in a panic] Me!? But that's three seats! I can't save
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three </p>
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<p>seats! I told you about that guy who tore up my winter coat!</p>
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<p>% With extreme reluctance, Elaine goes on ahead to save seats.</p>
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<p>%</p>
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<p>% The taxi is stuck in traffic. Jerry bawls out Buckles for choosing
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55th </p>
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<p>% on a Saturday night. Buckles considers how various famous people
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would </p>
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<p>% react to be stuck in traffic, using Jerry as an unwilling guinea
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pig for </p>
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<p>% his material.</p>
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<p>Buckles: Jerry, I want you to have this piece of material.</p>
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<p>Jerry: That's very nice of you, but I can't do the voices.</p>
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<p>Buckles: Jerry! Don't start up with me!</p>
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<p>Jerry: I gotta get out of this cab...</p>
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<p>Buckles: But Jerry, quit riffing!</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I'm not riffing. I'm ignoring! Do you understand the
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|
</p>
|
|
<p>difference?</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: [pause] Can you help me get on The Tonight Show?</p>
|
|
<p>% Apparently, not.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine does her best to save three seats.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, these are saved.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: All of them? C'mon, you can't take *four* seats.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What, is that a rule?</p>
|
|
<p>% George comes in; J+K haven't appeared. Elaine sends George to
|
|
the </p>
|
|
<p>% Paragon to give Kramer his and Jerry's tickets. Throughout the
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>% conversation, Elaine fends off would-be claim-jumpers.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, why don't *you* go, and I could save the seats. You
|
|
said you</p>
|
|
<p>didn't like saving anyway.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [stopping someone from sitting in the seat next to her]</p>
|
|
<p>No, *TAKEN*, Taken, taken.</p>
|
|
<p>[to George] [shrugs] I'm getting the hang of it.</p>
|
|
<p>% George returns to one of his favorite topics.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Why don't you give me the twenty, and I'll stop and get
|
|
change,</p>
|
|
<p>and then you and I can... uh... you-know, settle.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Can we do this later, George?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Psh. What's the point of even discussing it? [condescendingly
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>takes her hand and pats it] You'll give me the money when you have</p>
|
|
<p>it. [takes two steps, then reconsiders, then re-reconsiders]</p>
|
|
<p>I, I trust you.</p>
|
|
<p>% Kramer stands, mesmerized by the sign that reads, ``100% pure
|
|
fresh</p>
|
|
<p>% beef. Tastier than Filet Mignon.'' He rushes to the ticket booth.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Could you do me a favor? If you see a guy that's five foot
|
|
eleven, </p>
|
|
<p>he's got uh a big head and flared nostrils, tell him his friend's
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>going to be right back, okay?</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine is accosted from all sides.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No, I'm sorry, these are taken. ...</p>
|
|
<p>They're in the lobby buying popcorn. ...</p>
|
|
<p>What are you doing? These are taken, these are taken!</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Which one?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: These two and this one. ...</p>
|
|
<p>No! Don't come over here! These are taken. Go! Go!</p>
|
|
<p>These are taken! They're taken! THEY'RE TAKEN!!!</p>
|
|
<p>% She can't take it any longer.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, take 'em.</p>
|
|
<p>% George reaches the ticket booth of the Paragon.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Um, excuse me, have you see a guy with like a horse face,</p>
|
|
<p>big teeth, and a, and a pointed nose?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: ... flared nostrils?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Nope, haven't seen him.</p>
|
|
<p>% George leaves, unsuccessful.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry gets out of the cab in front of the Paragon.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: Jerry, could you do me a personal favor? And if I'm out
|
|
of line, </p>
|
|
<p>*please*, let me know. Could I keep my trench coat in your closet</p>
|
|
<p>for a few months?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Your trench coat in my closet?</p>
|
|
<p>% It's not like he's asking for a ride to the airport or anything.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: Jerry, my closet is packed to the gills, I'm afraid to
|
|
open the </p>
|
|
<p>door. Just for a few months. It'll make all the difference in </p>
|
|
<p>the world.</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry sanely declines. Jerry doesn't see any of his friends,
|
|
so he </p>
|
|
<p>% figures they're inside. He'll go in to tell them he can't join
|
|
them.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: We should see ``Rochelle Rochelle''. I hear it's really
|
|
hot.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No thanks, maybe some other time.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: Really? Do you really mean that?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, I don't.</p>
|
|
<p>% Brutal honesty once again saves the day.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: You liked the athlete's foot bit, right?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No. No. I was kidding. It's terrible.</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry pays his half of the fare then approaches the entrance
|
|
to </p>
|
|
<p>% the Paragon.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi, I got some friends inside, I gotta get a message to
|
|
'em.</p>
|
|
<p>Mind if I walk through real quick?</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: [indicates ``okay'']</p>
|
|
<p>% Just after Jerry goes inside, Kramer clomps to the ticket booth
|
|
at</p>
|
|
<p>% warp speed, clutching a precious Papaya King hot dog in his hand.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, did that guy show up?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: The guy with the... horse face... and the big teeth...</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: No, the guy with the big head and the flared nostrils.</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Haven't seen him. There was a short guy with glasses...</p>
|
|
<p>Looked like Humpty-Dumpty with a melon hat. But he left.</p>
|
|
<p>% Behind Elaine, a women chats loudly with her friend.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: So I got home, and he was vacuuming! I mean, he's twelve
|
|
years old!</p>
|
|
<p>Who else but my Alan would do something like that?</p>
|
|
<p>% I won't say it.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: And then last night, he put on my high heels. Oh, he put
|
|
on such a</p>
|
|
<p>show for us! He was dancing around, lip-sync'ing to ``A Chorus
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Line'', I mean you can see he's got talent.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [annoyed] Excuse me, excuse me.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: What's the problem?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [momentarily shocked, as if the answer were self-evident]</p>
|
|
<p>You're talking.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: It's the ``Coming Attractions''.</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine collects her things and leaves.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: So anyway, he sings, he dances. And do you know what he's
|
|
gotten </p>
|
|
<p>into now? He is cooking! He does a crepe...</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>% At the entrance to the Paradise Twin, George is stopped by the
|
|
usher.</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Ticket, sir?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Uh, I just went out, I went to look for my friend?</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Do you have your stub?</p>
|
|
<p>George: [as if the word were totally foreign] My `stub'?</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Mm hm.</p>
|
|
<p>% George sifts through his pockets, going on about how he never
|
|
needed</p>
|
|
<p>% a stub before.</p>
|
|
<p>George: You don't remember me?</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: It's a big city, sir.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I went in with a pretty woman? You know, kinda short, big
|
|
wall o' </p>
|
|
<p>hair, face like a frying pan?</p>
|
|
<p>% Unable to find his stub, George gives him Kramer's ticket. The</p>
|
|
<p>% ticket-taker tears the ticket and gives George the stub. George</p>
|
|
<p>% goes into the ``CheckMate'' theater just as Elaine leaves it
|
|
through</p>
|
|
<p>% the other door. Like two dips, passing in the night.</p>
|
|
<p>George: [whispering] Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>[loud whisper] Elaine!</p>
|
|
<p>[louder whisper] Elaine!</p>
|
|
<p>% Various movie patrons tell George to shut up.</p>
|
|
<p>George: [quite out loud, not even pretending to whisper] Elaine!</p>
|
|
<p>% He is quickly shouted down, making his escape through the exit.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% The exit to the street.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% In the theater at the Paragon, Jerry whispers ``Elaine'' and,</p>
|
|
<p>% hearing no response, gives up.</p>
|
|
<p>Narrator: The Village Voice calls it a masterpiece. A young woman's
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.</p>
|
|
<p>% Something about this preview attracts Jerry's attention. Not
|
|
sure exactly </p>
|
|
<p>% what, though...</p>
|
|
<p>Narrator: It's a story about life. And love. And becoming a woman.</p>
|
|
<p>``Rochelle Rochelle'', now playing at Paradise 2.</p>
|
|
<p>% Meanwhile, Kramer gives up waiting outside the Paragon. Seconds</p>
|
|
<p>% thereafter, Jerry rushes out of the theater and hails a cab.
|
|
Or</p>
|
|
<p>% tries to.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>[End of Act One. Time: 13:38]</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine reaches the concessions stand and has to deal with the
|
|
perky clerk.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Uh, could I have a medium Diet Coke?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Do you want the Medium size or the middle size?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What's the difference?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Well, we have three sizes. Medium, Large, and Jumbo.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [momentarily perplexed] What happened to the small?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: There is no small. Small is Medium.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What's... medium?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Medium is Large, and large is Jumbo.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh-kay. Gimme the large.</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: That's medium.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Right. Yeah. [fearing the answer] Could I have a small
|
|
popcorn?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: There is no small. [flash of perky inspiration] Child-size
|
|
is small.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What's `medium'?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Adult.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Do adults ever order the child-size?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: [chuckling] Not usually.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [laughs appreciably] Okay, gimme the `adult'.</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: Do you want butter?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Is it *real* butter?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: [perkily] It's butter-*flavored*!</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [exasperated] What is it made of?</p>
|
|
<p>Clerk: [perkily] It's yellow!</p>
|
|
<p>% Leaving the inanities of modern marketing aside, we switch to
|
|
Jerry,</p>
|
|
<p>% still outside trying to hail a cab. He finally gets one. The</p>
|
|
<p>% driver speaks with a Russian accent.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: 44th and 9th.</p>
|
|
<p>Driver: Have you got a cigarette?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No.</p>
|
|
<p>% George once again tries to get past the ticket-taker.</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Ticket, sir?</p>
|
|
<p>George: We've just been through this! You don't remember? We just
|
|
had </p>
|
|
<p>this exact same conversation a minute ago!</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: I need to see your stub.</p>
|
|
<p>George: [realizing the only way out is to show the stub] I've got
|
|
the stub.</p>
|
|
<p>% George empties his pockets in a quest for a ticket stub. No dice.</p>
|
|
<p>George: There you go, okay? That's my *other* friend's ticket.</p>
|
|
<p>You happy now? You got two tickets.</p>
|
|
<p>% George goes past the concessions stand, not seeing Elaine, who
|
|
is</p>
|
|
<p>% searching her pocketbook for change to pay for her popcorn and</p>
|
|
<p>% drink.</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Ticket, sir?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Uh, no, see, my friend already bought me a ticket.</p>
|
|
<p>I'm late, and she's inside.</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Go ahead.</p>
|
|
<p>% George dwells at the ``Rochelle Rochelle'' sign for what must
|
|
be the</p>
|
|
<p>% 5th time this episode. Kramer heads straight into the theater.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Is that seat taken?</p>
|
|
<p>Woman Behind Elaine: It's all yours.</p>
|
|
<p>% Kramer lankily stumbles into the seat, but finds the fit</p>
|
|
<p>% uncomfortable.</p>
|
|
<p>Driver: I'm very sorry, you give me few minutes.</p>
|
|
<p>I have to stop for gasoline.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Gasoline? Can't you get it after you drop me off?</p>
|
|
<p>Driver: [taken aback] No! Impossible! It is on `Empty'!</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry nervously glances at his watch.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine returns to the theater, arms laden with popcorn and soda,</p>
|
|
<p>% trying to find her seat. Various patrons tell her to sit down</p>
|
|
<p>% already. She is finally shouted down and pushed out of the aisle,</p>
|
|
<p>% causing her to spill most of her popcorn in the process.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% George sits in a half-empty theater watching ``Rochelle Rochelle''.</p>
|
|
<p>% Not a female audience member in sight.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: You're soaking wet. Who are you?</p>
|
|
<p>Rochelle: My name is Rochelle, I'm from Milan.</p>
|
|
<p>I'm supposed to visit my relatives in Minsk.</p>
|
|
<p>Man: Here, stand by the fire. Take off those wet clothes,</p>
|
|
<p>you'll catch cold.</p>
|
|
<p>Rochelle: Oh, my hand's so cold, I can barely get these buttons
|
|
open.</p>
|
|
<p>% George is clearly waiting to see Rochelle's other buttons.</p>
|
|
<p>Rochelle: Oh, that's much better. Much...</p>
|
|
<p>% A tall man sits down in front of George, blocking his view of</p>
|
|
<p>% Rochelle's Christmas cards.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine stumbles to the ticket-taker, trying to shake popcorn
|
|
out of</p>
|
|
<p>% her hair.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I just went to get popcorn... Ugh... [shakes more popcorn]</p>
|
|
<p>I just went to get popcorn, okay?</p>
|
|
<p>And and and somebody took my seat, and my coat is in there!</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: There's a seat in the front row.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: No no, I can't sit in the front row.</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Well, you're going to have to wait, then.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I can't stand around here for *two hours*!</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: I could let you see ``Rochelle Rochelle''.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: [heavy sarcasm] Oh. Thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine plods off, then realizes she had something else to say.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, hey, listen, by the way, have you seen a tall... lanky...
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>doofus, with a, with a bird-face and hair like the Bride of </p>
|
|
<p>Frankenstein?</p>
|
|
<p>Usher: Haven't seen him.</p>
|
|
<p>% Meanwhile, at a service station, the taxi driver assures Jerry
|
|
that</p>
|
|
<p>% they will be leaving very soon. He'll just go across the street
|
|
to</p>
|
|
<p>% buy a cigarette.</p>
|
|
<p>%</p>
|
|
<p>% From his pocket, Kramer digs into his treasured Papaya King hot
|
|
dog.</p>
|
|
<p>% Then discovers the source of his discomfort: He's sitting on
|
|
a coat.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, did I make it?</p>
|
|
<p>Kernis: Sorry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, great. That's great. What a night.</p>
|
|
<p>% Off-screen, we hear appreciative applause.</p>
|
|
<p>Announcer: Pat Buckles, ladies and gentlemen.</p>
|
|
<p>Another round of applause for Pat Buckles!</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry spots Buckles.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You got my spot?</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: That athlete's foot bit killed!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Really...</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: Do you think I need to lose some weight?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Weight? Naw. Just need some more height.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: My whole night's ruined.</p>
|
|
<p>I didn't do any sets, didn't do any movies...</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: Come on, we can still catch most of ``Rochelle Rochelle''.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: ``Rochelle Rochelle'', huh?</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: A young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: [his interest piqued] Minsk?</p>
|
|
<p>% George and Elaine watch ``Rochelle Rochelle'' in different parts
|
|
of</p>
|
|
<p>% the theater. Also there are Jerry and Buckles. George and Buckles</p>
|
|
<p>% seem to be enjoying the movie; Jerry and Elaine can't deal with
|
|
it.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Oh, gimme a break!</p>
|
|
<p>% George turns, as does Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine's face lights up.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Jerry!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Elaine!</p>
|
|
<p>Voice: [whispered] Shut up.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Jerry?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: George?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: George! [waves hi]</p>
|
|
<p>% Another prized Seinfeld moment, soon to be copycatted around
|
|
the country.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hey, where's Kramer?</p>
|
|
<p>Voice: [whispered] Will you shut up?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: I don't know. Does this movie stink or what!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Let's get outta here. [to Buckles] I'll see ya.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: You're leaving?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>% The music from the movie continues over the next, heart-rending
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
scene...</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: [holding out his coat] Jerry, take the coat. Please. One
|
|
month.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I don't want the coat.</p>
|
|
<p>Buckles: Jerry! Call me when you get home so I know you're okay!</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry, Elaine, and George fill each other in on their respective</p>
|
|
<p>% miseries out in the lobby.</p>
|
|
<p>George: [studying his jacket] Oh man! Look at this! I sat in gum.</p>
|
|
<p>Oh, by the way, you owe me seven fifty.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I didn't even use the ticket!</p>
|
|
<p>George: I still paid for it!</p>
|
|
<p>% Kramer wanders out of ``CheckMate'', his newly-found coat draped</p>
|
|
<p>% casually over his shoulders. Jerry looks through his wallet.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I only have a twenty.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: That's my coat! Gimme that. Where did you get that?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It was on the seat...</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: *YOU* took my seat!?</p>
|
|
<p>George: You uh owe me for the ticket.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, right...</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What is that stain [on my coat]?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It's yellow mustard. [To George] Can you break a twenty?</p>
|
|
<p>% Closing monologue.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I always get confused in the movie theater by the, by the
|
|
plot.</p>
|
|
<p>It's embarrassing. It's an embarrassment to have to admit,</p>
|
|
<p>but I'm the one that you see in the parking lot after the movie</p>
|
|
<p>talking with his friends, going: ``Oh, you mean that was the same
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>guy from the <beginning>... Ohhhhhhhhhh...'' Nobody will
|
|
explain it </p>
|
|
<p>to you. When you're in the theater, you can't find out. </p>
|
|
<p>[whispering to imaginary friends seated around him] ``Why did they
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>kill that guy?... Why did they kill him?... Who was that guy? What
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>was the... I thought he was with them? Wasn't he with them? Why
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>would they kill him if he was with them? Oh, he wasn't *really*
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with </p>
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<p>them.... I thought he was with them. It's a good thing they killed
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</p>
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<p>him.''</p>
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<p>[End of Act Two. Time: 7:36]</p>
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<p>[Fin.]</p>
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<p>===========================================================================</p>
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<p><Spellchecked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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</div>
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<!-- content -->
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<div id="navBar">
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<div id="upperBox">
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
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google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
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google_ad_width = 200;
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google_ad_height = 200;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript"
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src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
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</script>
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</div>
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<div class="leftnav"><br />
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<ul>
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<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
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<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
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<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
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<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
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<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
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<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
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<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
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<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
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<div>
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<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
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<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
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<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
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<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
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<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
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</div>
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</form>
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</ul>
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<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
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<p> </p>
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</div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript"><!--
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google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
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/* html-nav_bar-tower */
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google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
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google_ad_width = 160;
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google_ad_height = 600;
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//-->
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<p ></p>
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
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|
var bannerSize = 2300;
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|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
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|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
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|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
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if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
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|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
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|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
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document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
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}
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}
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</script>
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</div>
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<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
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<!--
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function noSpam(user,domain) {
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locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
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window.location = locationstring;
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}
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-->
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</script>
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<div class="footer">
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<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
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<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var _gaq = _gaq || [];
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_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
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_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
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(function() {
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var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
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ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
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var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
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})();
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</script></body>
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<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
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