703 lines
38 KiB
HTML
703 lines
38 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Pony Remark</h1>
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Written by: Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Directed by: Tom Cherones</p>
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<p>Broadcasted: January 30, 1991 for the first time.</p>
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<p>Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, </p>
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<p>Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Rozsika Halmos (as Manya),
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Barney</p>
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<p>Martin (as Morty Seinfeld), Len Lesser (as Uncle Leo), and Liz
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Sheridan</p>
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<p>(as Helen Seinfeld).</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
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<p>JERRY: My parents live in Florida now. They moved there last year.
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They didn't want to move to Floriday, but they're in their sixties,
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and that's the law. You know</p>
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<p>how it works. They got the leisure police. They pull up in front
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of the old people's house with a golf cart, jump out, "Let's
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go Pop, white belt, white pants, white</p>
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<p>shoes, get in the back. Drop the snow shovel right there, drop
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it!" I am not much for the family gathering. You know, you
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sit there, and the conversation's so boring.</p>
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<p>It's so dull. And you start to fantasize. You know, you think,
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what if I just got up and jumped out that window? What would it
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be like? Just crashed right through the</p>
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<p>glass.. You know. Come back in, there's broken glass, everybody's
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all upset. "No, I'm alright. I was just a little bored, there.
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No, I'm fine. I came back. I wanted to</p>
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<p>hear a little about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. Let's pick
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it up right there."</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>(Jerry's parents are in town. His father's watching T.V., his mother
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is ironing his father's jackets)</p>
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<p>HELEN: (To Morty) You have so many nice jackets. I don't know why
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you had to bring this jacket. Who wears a jacket like this? (He
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doesn't respond) What's</p>
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<p>wrong with that nice gray one? You have beautiful clothes. They
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sit in your closet. Morty, you can't wear - this!</p>
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<p>(Phone rings)</p>
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<p>MORTY: Are you getting that?</p>
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<p>HELEN: I thought you were getting it.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Should I pick up?</p>
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<p>HELEN: You want me to get that?</p>
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<p>MORTY: I'll get it!</p>
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<p>HELEN: I'll get it!</p>
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<p>(They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first)</p>
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<p>HELEN: Hello?.. Hello?</p>
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<p>(She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and
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carrying a bat and glove)</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing
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lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off)</p>
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<p>MORTY: So, how'd you do?</p>
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<p>JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was
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a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on
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a fly! We'll be in the championship</p>
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<p>game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment
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of my life.</p>
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<p>HELEN: This is your greatest moment? A game?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course.</p>
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<p>MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I
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went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for
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the beltless trench coat.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear
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to an anniversary party?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming.
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He knows what he's doing.</p>
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<p>HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary.</p>
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<p>MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today.
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They invited you again. I think you should go.</p>
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<p>JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine.</p>
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<p>HELEN: So bring her.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't even know them. What is she, your second cousin?
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I mean, I've met them three times in my life.</p>
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<p>MORTY: I don't know her either. (Gesturing to Helen) She makes
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me fly all the way from Floriday for this, and then she criticizes
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my jacket.</p>
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<p>HELEN: At least come and say hello, have a cup of coffee, then
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you'll leave.</p>
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<p>MORTY: How come he gets to leave?</p>
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<p>JERRY: If I wind up sitting nest to Uncle Leo, I am leaving. He's
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always grabbing my arm when he talks to me. I guess it's because
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so many people have left in the</p>
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<p>middle of his conversation.</p>
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<p>MORTY: And it's always about Jeffrey, right?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, he talks about him like he split the atom. The kid
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works for the Parks Department.</p>
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<p>(Enter Kramer)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Morty, are you coming in?</p>
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<p>MORTY: Oh, yeah. I forgot all about it.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: (To Jerry) Hey, how'd you do?</p>
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<p>JERRY: We won. We're in the finals on Wednesday..</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah!</p>
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<p>JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment.
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You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What are you doing?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Levels.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Levels?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And
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I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll
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all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You</p>
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<p>know, like ancient Egypt.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You drew up plans for this?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.</p>
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<p>MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.</p>
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<p>JERRY: When do you intend to do this?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You're doing this yourself?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that
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you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is
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the lumber.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hey, that's some big job.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't see it happening.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even
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bet you.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Seriously?</p>
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<p>HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of
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the month.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'll give you a year.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock
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the deal)</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Manya's apartment]</p>
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<p>(Jerry sits between Uncle Leo and Elaine. Leo grabs his choulder)</p>
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<p>JERRY: Seriously, do you wnat to switch chairs?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No, no. I'm fine.</p>
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<p>LEO: Jerry, are you listening to this?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, Uncle Leo.</p>
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<p>LEO: So, so, now the parks commissioner is recommending Jeffrey
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for a citation.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Right. For reducing the pond scum?</p>
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<p>LEO: No, for the walking tours.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, yeah. Where the people eat the plant life - the edible
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foliage tour.</p>
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<p>LEO: That's exactly right. He knows the whole history of the park.
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For two hours he's talking and answering questions. But you want
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to know something? Whenever</p>
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<p>he has a problem with one of these high-powered big shots in the
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Parks Department, you know who he calls?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Mickey Mantle?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (Helping him worm out of the conversation with Leo) Jerry,
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Jerry. Did you taste these peas? These peas are great!</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Eating a forkful) These peas are bursting with country-fresh
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flavor.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Mmm.. phenomenal peas..</p>
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<p>MORTY: Are you ready for dessert?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, actually, we do have to kind of get going.</p>
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<p>MANYA: (Surprised) You're going?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I don't really eat dessert. I'm dieting.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, I can't eat dessert either. The sugar makes my ankles
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swell up, and I can't dance.</p>
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<p>MANYA: Can't dance?</p>
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<p>HELEN: He's kidding, Manya.</p>
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<p>MANYA: Is that a joke?</p>
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<p>HELEN: (Canging subject) So, did you hear Claire's getting married?</p>
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<p>MANYA: Yeah, yeah..</p>
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<p>HELEN: I hear the fella owns a couple of racehorses. You know,
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trotters, like at Yonkers.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Horses. They're like big riding dogs.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What about ponies? What kind of abnormal animal is that?
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And those kids who had their own ponies..</p>
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<p>JERRY: I know, I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that
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ever had a pony when they were growing up.</p>
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<p>MANYA: ..I had a pony.</p>
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<p>(The room is dead quiet)</p>
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<p>JERRY: ..Well, I didn't really mean a pony, per se.</p>
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<p>MANYA: (Angry) When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies.
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My sister had pony, my cousin had pony, ..So, what's wrong with
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that?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just merely expressting..</p>
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<p>HELEN: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?</p>
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<p>MANYA: He was a beautiful pony! And I loved him.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't
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love a person that had a pony?</p>
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<p>MANYA: You! You said so!</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>JERRY: No, see, we didn't have ponies. I'm sure at the time in
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Poland, they were very common. They were probably like compact cars..</p>
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<p>MANYA: That's it! I've had enough! (She leaves the room)</p>
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<p>ISAAC: Have your coffee, everyone. She's a little upset. It's been
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an emotional day.</p>
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<p>(Isaac leaves, everyone looks at Jerry)</p>
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<p>JERRY: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had
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a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you
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know what the odds are on</p>
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<p>that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats
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coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on
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a pony. Why would anybody come</p>
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<p>hre if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies
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to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong?</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>(Morty and Helen are leaving, their bags are packed)</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'll drive you to the airport.</p>
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<p>HELEN: No, we're taking a cab.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I just hope that whole pony incident didn't put a damper
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on the trip.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Don't be rediculous. It was a misunderstanding.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Hey, I agree with him. Nobody likes a kid with a pony.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, if you ever talk to her, tell her I'm sorry. Elaine
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too. She feels terrible.</p>
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<p>HELEN: You know, you should give Manya a call.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Maybe I will.</p>
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<p>(Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway)</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags)
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..Need any help with those?</p>
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<p>MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.</p>
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<p>HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Take care.</p>
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<p>HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves)</p>
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<p>MORTY: Bye, Jer.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy.</p>
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<p>MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves)</p>
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<p>JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.</p>
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<p>JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would
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be done.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: And it could be done.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done!
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But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is
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the levels.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: But I don't want the levels!</p>
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<p>JERRY: That's the bet! (Phone rings, Jerry answers it) Hello? ..No,
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oh, hi.. no, they just left.. Oh my God.. hand on a second. Maybe
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I can still catch them. (Jerry</p>
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<p>goes over to the window, and opens it. He yells out of it) Ma!..
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Ma!.. Up here! Don't get in the cab! .. Manya died! ..Manya died!!</p>
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<p>(Scene ends)</p>
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<p>[Setting: Jerry's apartment]</p>
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<p>HELEN: Who did you talk to?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Uncle Leo.</p>
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<p>HELEN: And when's the funeral?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't know. He said he'd call back.</p>
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<p>MORTY: You know what this means, don't you? We lost the supersaver.
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Those tickets are non-refundable.</p>
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<p>HELEN: She just had a check-up. The doctor said she was fine. Unless..</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What?</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: What? Nothing.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You don't think.. What? The pony remark?</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Oh, don't be ridiculous. She was an old woman.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You don't think that I killed her?</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: You know what the flight back'll cost us?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was just an innocent comment! I didn't know she had a
|
|
pony!</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Maybe we can get an army transport flight. They got a base
|
|
in Sarasota, I think.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: The whole thing ws taking out of context. It was a joke.
|
|
(Phone rings) That's probably Uncle Leo.</p>
|
|
<p>(Helen picks it up)</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Hello? ..Yes, I know.. Well, it's just one of those things..
|
|
Sure, sure, we'll see you then. (Hangs up) The funeral's Wednesday.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wednesday? What, what Wednesday?</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Two o' clock, Wednesday. (Jerry shrugs) What?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I've got the softball game on Wednesday. It's the championship.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: So? You're not obligated. Go play in your game.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I didn't even know the woman.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: So don't go.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I mean I met her three times. I don't know her last name.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: Jery, no one's forcing you.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I mean, who has a funeral on a Wednesday? That's what I
|
|
want to know. I mean, it's the championship. I'm hitting everything.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: I don't have a dress to wear. (To Morty) And you. You don't
|
|
have anything.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: I got a sport jacket.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: You're not wearing that to a funeral.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: What's wrong with it?</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: It looks ridiculous.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: What? I'm gonna buy a new jacket now?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know what to do.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: ..You know what this funeral's gonna wind up costing me?
|
|
Oh boy!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Night club]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: We don't understand death. And the proof of this is that
|
|
we give dead people a pillow. And, uh, I mean, hey, you know. I
|
|
think if you can't stretch out and</p>
|
|
<p>get some solid rest at that point, I don't see how bedding accessories
|
|
really make the difference. I mean, they got the guy in a suit with
|
|
a pillow. No is he going to a</p>
|
|
<p>meeting, or is he catching forty winks? I mean, let's make up our
|
|
mind where we think they're going.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Coffee Shop]</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I actually like ponies. I was just trying to make conversation.
|
|
What time's your game?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Two Forty-Five.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: And what time's the funeral?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Two o' clock.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: How long does a funeral take?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Depends on how nice the person was. But you gotta figure,
|
|
even Oswald took forty-five minutes.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: So you cna't do both?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You know, if the situation were reversed and Manya had some
|
|
mah-jongg championship or something, I wouldn't expect her to go
|
|
to my funeral. I would</p>
|
|
<p>understand.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: How can you even consider not going?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know, I've been thinking.. I cannot envision any circumstances
|
|
in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's
|
|
it gonna happen? I</p>
|
|
<p>just don't see how it could occur.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You know, funerals always make me think about my own mortality
|
|
and how I'm actually going to die someday. Me, dead. Imagine that.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: They always make me take stock of my life and how I've
|
|
pretty much wasted all of it, and how I plan to continue wasting
|
|
it.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I know, and then you say to yourself, "From this moment
|
|
on, I'm not going to waste any more of it." But then you go,
|
|
"How? What can I do that's not</p>
|
|
<p>wasting it?"</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Is this a waste of time? What should we be doing? Can't
|
|
you hae coffee with people?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know, I can't believe you're even considering not playing.
|
|
We need you. You're hitting everything.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He has to go. He may have killed her.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Me? What about you? You brought up the pony.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, yeah, but I didn't say I hated anyone who had one.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: (To Jerry) Who's going to play left field?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Bender.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Bender? He can't play left. He stinks. I just don't see
|
|
what purpose is it going to serve your going? I mean, you think
|
|
dead peole care who's at the</p>
|
|
<p>funeral? They don't even know they're having a funeral. It's not
|
|
like she's hanging out in the back going, "I can't believe
|
|
Jerry didn't show up."</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions
|
|
and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think
|
|
she's going to want to hang</p>
|
|
<p>around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: George, I met this woman! She is not traveling to any other
|
|
dimensions.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It's
|
|
not like getting on a bus. One second. It's all mental.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Fifty years they were married. Now he's moving to Pheonix.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Phoenix? What's happening with his appartment?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know. They've been in there since, like, World War
|
|
II. The rent's three hundred a month.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Three hundred a month? Oh my God.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Funeral home]</p>
|
|
<p>(The eulogy is in progress. Jerry attended afterall)</p>
|
|
<p>MAN: Although this may seem like a sad even, it should not be a
|
|
day of mourning.. for Manya had a rich, fulfilling life. She grew
|
|
up in a different world - a simpler</p>
|
|
<p>world - with loving parents, a beautiful home in the country, and
|
|
from what I understand, she eve had a pony.. (Jerry throws his hands
|
|
up) Oh, how she loved that</p>
|
|
<p>pony. Even in her declining years, whenever she would speak of
|
|
it, her eyes would light up. It's lustrous coat, it's flowing mane.
|
|
It was the pride of Krakow. (Jery</p>
|
|
<p>sinks in his seat)</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Anteroom of funeral parlor]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Looking at his watch) Well, the game's starting just about
|
|
now.</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: It was good that the two of you came. It was a nice gesture.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene cuts to Morty talking to an intern)</p>
|
|
<p>INTERN: I'm not a doctor yet, Uncle Morty. I'm just an intern.
|
|
I can't write a note to an airline.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: You've got your degree. They don't care. They just want
|
|
to see something.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene cuts back to Jerry)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (To Isaac) I just wanted to say how sorry I was..</p>
|
|
<p>LEO: (Interrupting) Jerry, you wanna hear something? Your cousin,
|
|
Jeffrey, is switching parks. They're transferring him to Riverside
|
|
- so he'll completely revamp that</p>
|
|
<p>operation, you understand? He'll do in Riverside what he did in
|
|
Central Park. It's more money. So, that's your cousin.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>(Scene cuts back to Morty)</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: You don't understand, I've never paid a full fare.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (To Isaac) Once again, I just want to say how sorry I am
|
|
abou tthe other night.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, me too.</p>
|
|
<p>ISAAC: Oh no, no, no. She forgot all about that. She was much mor
|
|
upset about the potato salad.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: So, I understand you're moving to Phoenix?</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry shake his head and walks away)</p>
|
|
<p>ISAAC: Yeah, my brother lives there. I think Manya would've liked
|
|
Phoenix.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Mmm.. gorgeous, exquisite town. Who, what's happening with
|
|
your apartment?</p>
|
|
<p>ISAAC: Of course it's very hot there. I'l lhave to get an air conditioner.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, you can have mine. I'll ship it out ot you.. but what
|
|
about that big apartment on West End Avenue?</p>
|
|
<p>ISAAC: Although they say it's a dry heat.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Dry, wet.. what's happening with your apartment?</p>
|
|
<p>ISAAC: I don't even know if I should take my winter clothing.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I have an idea. Leave the winter clothing in the apartment,
|
|
and I'll watch it for you and I'll live there and I'll make sure
|
|
that nothing happens to it.</p>
|
|
<p>(Jerry comes back)</p>
|
|
<p>ISAAC: Oh, the apartment. Jeffrey's taking the apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: (to Jerry) Oh, Jeffrey.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (To Elaine) You know Jeffery?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, from what I understand, he works for the Parks Department.</p>
|
|
<p>(Helen approaches Jerry)</p>
|
|
<p>HELEN: It's raining.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: (Moves to the window) It's raining? It's raining. The game
|
|
will be postponed. We'll play tomarrow.</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene cuts back to Morty)</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Believe me, I wouldn't bother you if the army hadn't closed
|
|
that base in Sarasota. Here, scribble a little something here.</p>
|
|
<p>INTERN: I can't. I'll get in trouble.</p>
|
|
<p>MORTY: Oh, for God's sakes!</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Coffee Shop]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It's never happend to me before.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far
|
|
off the base?"</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: And they in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the
|
|
pop fly?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I thought there were two outs.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. I thought
|
|
maybe they had changed the rules or something.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was the single worst moment of my life.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What about Sharon Besser?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, well, of course. 1973.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wonder about what?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You know.. the spirit world.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex
|
|
on me?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I never saw anyone play like that.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: But I went ot the funeral.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting
|
|
another galaxy that day.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Not necessarily. (Elaine laughs)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Who figures and immigrant's gonna have a pony?</p>
|
|
<p>(Scene ends)</p>
|
|
<p>[Setting: Night Club]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What is the pony? What is the point of the pony? Why do
|
|
we have these animals, these ponies? What do we do with them? Besides
|
|
the pony ride. Why</p>
|
|
<p>ponies? What are we doing with them? I mean, police don't use them
|
|
for, you know, crowd control. "Hey, uh, you wanna get back
|
|
behind the barricades. Hey!</p>
|
|
<p>Hey, little boy. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Behind the barricades!"
|
|
So somebody, I assume, genetically engineered these ponies. Do you
|
|
think they could make them</p>
|
|
<p>any size? I mean, could they make them like the size of a quarter,
|
|
if they wanted? That would be fun for Monopoly, though, wouldn't
|
|
it? Just have a little pony and</p>
|
|
<p>you put him on the, "Baltic, that's two down, go ahead. Hold
|
|
it. Right ther, Baltic. yeah, that's it. Fine. Right there, hold
|
|
it right there."</p>
|
|
<p>END OF SHOW.</p>
|
|
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|
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