797 lines
39 KiB
HTML
797 lines
39 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Rye</h1>
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Episode 120</p>
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<p>Written by Carol Leifer Directed by Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p>Guest Starring
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Regular Cast</p>
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<p>---------------------
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-------------------</p>
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<p>ESTELLE HARRIS as Estelle
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JERRY SEINFELD as Jerry</p>
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<p>JERRY STILLER as Frank
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JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUSS as Elaine</p>
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<p>HEIDI SWEDBERG as Susan
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JASON ALEXANDER as George</p>
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<p>GRACE ZABRISKIE as Mrs. Ross
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MICHAEL RICHARDS as Kramer</p>
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<p>WARREN FROST as Mr. Ross</p>
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<p>JEFF YAGHER as John</p>
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<p>FRANCES BAY as Mabel</p>
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<p>LEONARD LIGHTFOOT as Clyde</p>
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<p>DON AMENDOLIA as Dennis</p>
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<p>KATHRYN KATES as Counter Woman</p>
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<p>STEVE IRELAND as Music Guy</p>
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<p>DEAN FORTUNATO as Manager</p>
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<p>========================================================================</p>
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<p>ELAINE: [thinking] I can't believe I'm going out with this guy.
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Wow! He's so </p>
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<p>cool. Maybe he'll write a song about me. That would be amazing.
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Oh, </p>
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<p>Elaine, you are so beautiful. So, so beautiful. Not so mention
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your</p>
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<p>personality which is so, so, interesting. If you want, you can
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quit </p>
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<p>your job and never work again. </p>
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<p>[club applauds]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Jerry, you have got to come see him. He is so terrific.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Maybe he'll write a song about you.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah. Right. [laughing] Like that really matters.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So I take it he's spongeworthy?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, yeah.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, he's a musician. I guess they're supposed to be very,
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you know, </p>
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<p>uninhibited and free.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, actually, he's - he's not that way at all. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, no?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah. In fact, he....[moaning]</p>
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<p>JERRY: Come on. Come on.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I don't wanna!</p>
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<p>JERRY: Elaine, you're among friends.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: [sighs] Well, actually, he, um, doesn't really like to
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do...</p>
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<p>everything. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah. It's surprising.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yes, it is. It is surprising. Does that bother you?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No. No, it doesn't bother me. I mean, it would be nice.
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I'm not gonna </p>
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<p>lie to you and say it wouldn't be nice.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Sure. Why not? You're there.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Exactly.</p>
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<p>JERRY: But you said he was just coming out of a very serious relationship.
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</p>
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<p>Maybe he's, you know, still....kind of...he...not gonna happen.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, Jerry! Listen, I need you to come downstairs, help
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me get my </p>
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<p>stuff outta the car.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What stuff?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I just came from the price club. I'm loaded up, baby.</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right. What are you, outta your mind? Look at this.
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What did you </p>
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<p>buy here? You will never be able to finish all this stuff.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Course I will. These are staples.</p>
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<p>JERRY: A four-pound can of black olives? That's a staple?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Lindsay olives, Jerry.</p>
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<p>JERRY: A forty-eight pack of Eggo waffles? A gallon of barbecue
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sauce? Ten </p>
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<p>pounds of cocktail meatballs? </p>
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<p>KRAMER: $17.50. You can't beat that.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Look...look at this can of tuna!</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Star Kist, Jerry. Most tuna don't make their cut.</p>
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<p>JERRY: This isn't for a person. This is for Biosphere 3.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, Clyde!</p>
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<p>CLYDE: Hey, Kramer! What's happening, dude?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Ahh. Hey, this is Jerry here. </p>
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<p>CLYDE: How ya doin'?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hi.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You know, Clyde, he plays backup with John Germaine.</p>
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<p>JERRY: John Germaine? That is amazing. I was just talking about
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him upstairs</p>
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<p>with Elaine. </p>
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<p>CLYDE: Oh yeah?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, yeah. My friend Elaine and him are goin' out. They're
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pretty hot </p>
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<p>and heavy.</p>
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<p>CLYDE: Is that right? </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey, how 'bout giving me a hand? You know, bring some of
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this stuff </p>
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<p>upstairs.</p>
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<p>CLYDE: Oh, sorry Kramer, I got to watch the hands. My hands are
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my life. </p>
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<p>ESTELLE: Georgie, can you zip me up?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah. Yeah, one second.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: Well, come on!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. All right. Let's not get into panic mode! Let's
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not make </p>
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<p>a big deal outta this thing or we're never gonna get through this
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</p>
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<p>night.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: Well, I'm meeting your in-laws, I think I should look
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nice.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: My in-laws. Oh, my....</p>
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<p>FRANK: So, what do you think? Your old man can look pretty good
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when he wants </p>
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<p>to, huh?</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: I don't like that tie.</p>
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<p>FRANK: What's the matter with this tie? I've hardly worn it.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: It's too thin. They're wearing wide now.</p>
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<p>FRANK: How do you know what kind of ties they wear?</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: Go to any office building on 7th Avenue and tell me if
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there's </p>
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<p>anyone there wearing a thin tie like that. Go ahead!</p>
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<p>FRANK: Oh, get the hell outta here. 7th Avenue.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: George, do you think he should wear a tie like that?</p>
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<p>FRANK: Huh?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I think he should wear whatever tie he wants.</p>
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<p>FRANK: We gotta stop off and pick up a marble rye from Schnitzer's.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: It's out of our way. Why can't we pick up something at
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Lord's? </p>
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<p>It's right over here.</p>
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<p>FRANK: No! We have to go to Schnitzer's! I'll show these people
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something </p>
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<p>about taste!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: This is gonna be fun.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, you'll never guess who I bumped into. This guy Clyde.
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He's in </p>
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<p>your friend John Germaine's band there.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So what did he have to say?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Nothing. I told him you two were pretty hot and heavy.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hot and heavy? You said hot and heavy?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What did you do that for?</p>
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<p>JERRY: What?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What if he tells John? Then John's gonna think that I think
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that </p>
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<p>we're hot and heavy. I don't want John thinking that I'm hot and
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</p>
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<p>heavy if he's not hot and heavy. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I'm trying to get a little squirrel to come over to me
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here. I don't </p>
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<p>wanna make any big, sudden movements. I'll frighten him away. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, Clyde might not tell him.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: How do you know that?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I should have helped Kramer with those packages.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ohh!</p>
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<p>[Kramer, walking down hall to his apartment, his arms loaded with
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dozens of</p>
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<p>pop cans, falls forward, spilling cans about in hallway]</p>
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<p>DENNIS: Let me give you a hand. Hey, Kramer. I wonder, could you
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do me a </p>
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<p>favor? I'm taking the family to Disneyworld next week. I wonder...</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Uh-huh.</p>
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<p>DENNIS: I wonder, could you pick up my mail?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Sure. Sure.</p>
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<p>DENNIS: In fact, you know what, how would you like to take my hansom
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cab for</p>
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<p>the week?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Drive the horse?</p>
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<p>DENNIS: It'll just be sitting there. You can really clean up. 500
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bucks a </p>
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<p>day. I'll split it with ya.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Oh, giddyup. Yeah.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: This is delicious, Mrs. Ross.</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: Oh. </p>
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<p>MR. ROSS: What are you complimenting her for? She didn't make it
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Rowenna did. </p>
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<p>FRANK: What is this thing anyway?</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: It's Cornish gamehen.</p>
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<p>FRANK: What is that, like a little chicken?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: It's, uh, it's not a little chicken. [laughing] Little
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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chicken. It's </p>
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<p>a gamebird.</p>
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<p>FRANK: Gamebird?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah.</p>
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<p>FRANK: What do you mean? Like, you - you hunt it?</p>
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<p>MR. ROSS: Yes.</p>
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<p>FRANK: How hard could it be to kill this thing?</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: I couldn't help but notice that you have quite a library
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in there.</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: If I had a dime for every book he's actually read, [laughing]
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I'd </p>
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<p>be broke.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: More wine anyone? </p>
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<p>FRANK: Yeah. I'll take some.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Hmmm?</p>
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<p>FRANK: Thank you.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: How do you like the Merlot?</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: Merlot? I never heard of it. Did they just invent it?</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: Oh, mother.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: She's, uh, she's heard of Merlot. </p>
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<p>FRANK: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the
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rooster. The </p>
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<p>rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Why don't we talk about it another time.</p>
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<p>FRANK: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster
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and a </p>
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<p>chicken. Something's missing!</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: Something's missing all right.</p>
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<p>MR. ROSS: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of
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them.</p>
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<p>FRANK: That's perverse.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Did anybody see Firestorm?</p>
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<p>MR. ROSS: Firestorm, that's a hell of a picture.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah.</p>
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<p>MR. ROSS: Remember when they had the helicopter land on top of
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that car --</p>
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<p>FRANK: Hey! Hey! Come on! Come on! I haven't seen it yet.</p>
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<p>MR. ROSS: It doesn't have anything to do with the plot!</p>
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<p>FRANK: Still! Still! I like to go in fresh!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh mother of God.</p>
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<p>[clip clop]</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Of course, uh, this is Central Park. Uh, this was designed
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in 1850 by </p>
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<p>Joe Peppitone. Um, built during the Civil War so the northern armies
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</p>
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<p>could practice fighting on...on grass. Oh, yeah. Giddyup. On </p>
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<p>Rusty!</p>
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<p>[applause]</p>
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<p>JOHN: Thank you. Now, I'd like to play something th -- well, actually,
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it's </p>
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<p>my latest so it's nice and fresh. It's called " Hot And Heavy."
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</p>
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<p>[saxophone playing]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Thank God that's over.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: The mother seems to hit the sauce pretty hard. I didn't
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like that.</p>
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<p>FRANK: And who doesn't serve cake after a meal? What kind of people?
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Would it </p>
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<p>kill them to put out a pound cake? Something!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: So, they didn't give you a piece of cake? Big deal.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: It is a big deal. You're supposed to serve cake after
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a meal. I'm </p>
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<p>sorry. It's impolite.</p>
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<p>FRANK: Not impolite...it's stupid, that's what it is. You gotta
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be stupid to </p>
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<p>do something like that!</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: Your father's absolutely right. We're sitting there like
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idiots </p>
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<p>drinking coffee without a piece of cake!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What is this? The marble rye?</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: Oh, dear. I forgot to put out that - that bread they
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brought.</p>
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<p>ESTELLE: We forgot to bring it in.</p>
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<p>FRANK: No, I brought it in. They never put it out.</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: Where is it?</p>
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<p>SUSAN: I don't know. Where'd you put it?</p>
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<p>MRS. ROSS: Right over there.</p>
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<p>SUSAN: Well, it's gone.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You stole the bread?</p>
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<p>FRANK: What do you mean stole? It's my bread. They didn't eat it.
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Why should </p>
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<p>I leave it there?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Because we brought it for them!</p>
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<p>FRANK: Apparently, it wasn't good enough for them to serve.</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: Is it possible they took it back?</p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Who would bring a bread and take it back?</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Those people, that's who. I think they're sick.</p>
|
|
<p>ESTELLE: People take buses to get that rye.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Maybe they forgot to put it out!</p>
|
|
<p>FRANK: Aw, they didn't forget to put it out! It's deliberate! Deliberate,
|
|
I </p>
|
|
<p>tell ya! </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: He stole back the rye?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Why?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Why? Why? 'Cause he's off his rocker! That's why. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So, do the Ross's know?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't know. They're all very suspicious.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Why wouldn't they be? A rye bread doesn't just disappear.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Now, because of that stupid rye bread, I gotta keep them
|
|
all </p>
|
|
<p>separated for the rest of my life. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Bad situation. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'll tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to replace
|
|
that rye.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What do you mean replace it?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You know, you go out, you get another rye. Of course, it
|
|
would have </p>
|
|
<p>to be the same one from Schnitzer's. You put it in the kitchen
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>somewhere and you say Ohh! There it is.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, there ya go. What's so hard about that?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What's so hard about that? How am I supposed to get it
|
|
in there? I</p>
|
|
<p>can't just walk in with it. I have to get the Rosses out of the
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>apartment!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All right. All right. Don't panic. Let's just think about
|
|
it. Get the </p>
|
|
<p>Ross's out of the apartment. That can't be so hard. Wait a minute.
|
|
Wait</p>
|
|
<p>a second. Wait a second! You know, Kramer's been driving that hansom
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>cab.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, Kramer'll take them around for a while.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: And it's their anniversary Friday night. I could send them
|
|
for a</p>
|
|
<p>hansom cab ride. Y -- you think they'd like that?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Are you kidding? People love it. There's something about
|
|
the clip clop, </p>
|
|
<p>clip clop. They're nuts for it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So, they go off for the ride, by the time they come back
|
|
the bread is </p>
|
|
<p>there.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What about Susan?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: She's working late that night. We're - were supposed to
|
|
have dinner </p>
|
|
<p>with everybody at eight o'clock so I'll set up the ride for seven
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>o'clock. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Beautiful!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You think Kramer'll do it?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Of course I'll do it. I'd be happy to. So, all I gotta
|
|
do is be there </p>
|
|
<p>at seven?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah. Just take 'em out and ride 'em around for about..half
|
|
an hour.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What the hell are you doing there?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: It's Beef-A-Reeno..and I got fifty cans. You want some?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No. No thanks.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Jerry, I think I bought too much at that price club. I
|
|
don't have any </p>
|
|
<p>room for it all. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute. How am I gonna get the
|
|
rye bread </p>
|
|
<p>into the apartment?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Just put it under your shirt.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Have you ever seen a Schnitzer's rye? It - it's huge! </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'll tell ya what, I'll bring it over. I'll stop by Schnitzer's,
|
|
I'll </p>
|
|
<p>come by five after seven right after they leave.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, this is all locking in now. It is all locking in! [laughing]</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hey. Is that your horse outside?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. That's Rusty.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What? He's outside?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Uh-huh.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Aw, come on. I wanna go see him.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You wanna go see him?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah. Hey! Hey!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'll show ya Rusty.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hey, Lainey, wanna see the horsey?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, you really did me in this time, didn't ya? First
|
|
guy I like in</p>
|
|
<p>a really long time. I mean, we're getting along, everything is
|
|
just </p>
|
|
<p>great. I mean, all right, so he doesn't do... everything, and then
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>you have to come along with your hot and your heavy.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So, you think Clyde told him?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He wrote a song about it!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, maybe it's a good thing.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No! It's not a good thing! It's a bad thing! Do you know
|
|
what this is </p>
|
|
<p>like? To have no control over a relationship? And - and you feel
|
|
sick </p>
|
|
<p>to your stomach all the time? Do you know what that's like?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No, but I've read articles and I must say it, doesn't sound
|
|
very </p>
|
|
<p>pleasant.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You know, one of these days, something terrible is gonna
|
|
happen to you. </p>
|
|
<p>It has to!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No. I'm gonna be just fine, but as far as your situation,
|
|
you're </p>
|
|
<p>seeing him tonight so talk to him about it.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I can't! He's got a big showcase for record producers at
|
|
his late </p>
|
|
<p>show tonight. I don't wanna upset him. Aw, what the hell, I'll
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
upset </p>
|
|
<p>him.</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Yeah George, I gotta tell ya, this is a very nice gesture.
|
|
We </p>
|
|
<p>really appreciate it.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Aw, well, you know, it's your anniversary. It's - it's
|
|
the least I </p>
|
|
<p>can do. I - I just want you guys to go out and have a good time.
|
|
Ha</p>
|
|
<p>ha. So, you think we should, uh, we should get downstairs?</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Oh, we got about twenty minutes. You, uh, seem a little
|
|
nervous </p>
|
|
<p>George. Anything wrong?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, no. No. No. No. No. Nothing. I'm fine. Everything's
|
|
fine. Fine. </p>
|
|
<p>Just get a little nervous on the weekends, that's all. Could I,
|
|
uh,</p>
|
|
<p>could I get a glass of water?</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: We've got water. I don't think we have any bread, but
|
|
we've got</p>
|
|
<p>water. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. There ya go. That's Beef-A-Reeno. </p>
|
|
<p>[singing] I'm so keen-o</p>
|
|
<p>On Beef-A-Reeno</p>
|
|
<p>What a delicious cuisine-o</p>
|
|
<p>Fit for a king and queen-o!</p>
|
|
<p>Yeah. Eat up. I got thirty four more cans.</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Nice night for a hansom cab ride, 'ay George?</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: You know, George we haven't done anything romantic like
|
|
this in</p>
|
|
<p>....years.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: [thinking] Oh my God, it's 7:01. What have I done? My whole
|
|
plan is </p>
|
|
<p>depending on Kramer? Have I learned nothing? How could I make such
|
|
a</p>
|
|
<p>stupid mistake? He'll never show up!</p>
|
|
<p>[clip clop]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Ah ha!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: There he is. Right on time as usual.</p>
|
|
<p>COUNTER WOMAN: 53.</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: 53. I'd like a marble rye, no plastic, in a bag.</p>
|
|
<p>COUNTER WOMAN: Ah! You're lucky. It's our last one.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wait a second, that's your last marble rye? </p>
|
|
<p>COUNTER WOMAN: That's right.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: There's none left?</p>
|
|
<p>COUNTER WOMAN: That's what I said. Number 54.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh, excuse me. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I -
|
|
I have to have </p>
|
|
<p>that rye. It's a - it's a long story, but a person's whole future
|
|
may </p>
|
|
<p>depend on it.</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: Well, I'm sorry, but you should have got here earlier.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yes. Well, be that as it may, if you could just find it
|
|
in yourself to </p>
|
|
<p>give it up.</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: You're not getting this rye --</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All right. All right. I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do, I
|
|
will give you </p>
|
|
<p>double what you paid for it.</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: You're in my way!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Ahh! Mr. Ross. Mrs. Ross. My name is Cosmo and I'll be
|
|
your driver for </p>
|
|
<p>this evening. We have blankets for your comfort. I also have hot
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>chocolate if the mood should strike you.</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: My favorite.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, if we're all set to go, why don't you two hop aboard
|
|
and let me </p>
|
|
<p>show you a little taste of old New York...the way it once was.
|
|
Oh, </p>
|
|
<p>happy anniversary. On, Rusty! </p>
|
|
<p>[clip clop]</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All right. Look, I'll tell ya what, I'll give you $50. Now,
|
|
be </p>
|
|
<p>reasonable you cannot turn down $50 for a $6 rye.</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: No? Watch me.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Give me that rye!</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: Stop it!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I want that rye, lady!</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: Help! Someone help!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Shut up, you old bag!</p>
|
|
<p>MABEL: Stop thief! Stop him! He's got my marble rye!</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I'm sorry to just show up unexpectedly like this. I know
|
|
you've got </p>
|
|
<p>your big showcase coming up later and I know how important it is,
|
|
I </p>
|
|
<p>know how hard you work for this night, but I just had to tell you
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>that I never told Jerry hot and heavy. I didn't think we were hot
|
|
and </p>
|
|
<p>heavy. I mean - I mean, who's hot and who's heavy?</p>
|
|
<p>JOHN: Whoa. Hold on, Elaine I.....I'm kinda disappointed.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Disappointed?</p>
|
|
<p>JOHN: Yeah. I mean, I was excited when Clyde told me that.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You were?</p>
|
|
<p>JOHN: Absolutely.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ohh! Whew! I am so relieved!</p>
|
|
<p>JOHN: Listen, uh, I've still got a couple of hours to kill before
|
|
the next </p>
|
|
<p>show. My place is only a few blocks from here.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>JOHN: And you know what?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
|
|
<p>JOHN: I've been thinking about what we do and I'm thinking..of...adding
|
|
a new </p>
|
|
<p>number to my, you know, repertoire. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ohh!</p>
|
|
<p>[clip clop]</p>
|
|
<p>[Rusty snorting]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Y'aah!</p>
|
|
<p>[clip clop]</p>
|
|
<p>[Rusty farts]</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: [sniffing] What is that?</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: I think it's the horse.</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: Oh, God.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, how's everything? You..you need anything?</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: This is - this is...horrible.</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Excuse me,...what do you feed this animal?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh, you know, oats and hay. You know, they like that stuff.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: I can't take this. Let me out of this thing!</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Turn this thing around. We've had it. We can't breathe
|
|
back here!</p>
|
|
<p>And hurry it up!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Rusty! Rusty!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: [whistling]</p>
|
|
<p>[clip clopping beginning in distance and growing discernibly louder]</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Whoa!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Wha - what happened? What are you doing back so soon?</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: Ask Rusty.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ross. One never knows how the </p>
|
|
<p>gastrointestinal workings of the equine are going to function.</p>
|
|
<p>MRS. ROSS: Thanks for nothing! Come on, George. Let's go upstairs.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What the hell happened?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: The horse is gassy. Must have been the Beef-A-Reeno.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Beef-A-Reeno? You fed the horse Beef-A-Reeno?!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, I overbought!</p>
|
|
<p>MR. ROSS: George.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: [muttering]</p>
|
|
<p>MUSIC GUY: What's going on? Where is he?</p>
|
|
<p>MANAGER: Uh...he'll be here soon.</p>
|
|
<p>MUSIC GUY: I'll give him ten more minutes. I'm not gonna stay here
|
|
all night.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: How much did you give him?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Just a can. But he really liked it, though.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Jerry! Up here!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah. Hey, what do you want me to do with this?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I can't come out. They're standing right by the door. Throw
|
|
it up!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Really?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah. Yeah. It's the only way. Come on. What are you, kidding
|
|
me?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Will you get this horse outta here. He's killing me. I can't
|
|
get any </p>
|
|
<p>oxygen.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I don't wanna go back on there!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Come on!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: [grunting as he throws bread into the air]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: [grunting] Hey! Hey, wait a second. I got an idea. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No. No. Don't be silly, John, you were very good. You just
|
|
don't have</p>
|
|
<p>to try so hard. Good luck, honey.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Come on! Come on!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wait a second! I never baited a hook with a rye before.
|
|
Your hook is </p>
|
|
<p>too small. This is for, like, a muffin. All right. Take it away.</p>
|
|
<p>[George finally gets rye into apartment, turning around to discover
|
|
everyone </p>
|
|
<p>staring at him]</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. [grunting]</p>
|
|
<p>MANAGER: Ladies and gentlemen, John Germaine.</p>
|
|
<p>[applause]</p>
|
|
<p>[John attempts to play saxophone, discovering that no sound is
|
|
being created</p>
|
|
<p>by the instrument]</p>
|
|
<p><Spell checked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy"></p>
|
|
<p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
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}
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</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
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|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|