802 lines
42 KiB
HTML
802 lines
42 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Sniffing Accountant</h1>
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Transcribed by Juha Auvinen </p>
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<p>============================================================================
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</p>
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<p>Episode #504 -- "The Sniffing Accountant" </p>
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<p>Originally Aired: October 7 1993 </p>
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<p>============================================================================
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</p>
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<p>Production Credits: </p>
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<p>Co-Producer.........................Peter Mehlman </p>
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<p>Producers........... ..................Tom Gammill & Max Pross
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</p>
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<p>Supervising Producer ........... Larry Charles & Tom Cherones
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</p>
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<p>Executive Producer ..............George Shapiro, Howard West </p>
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<p>Created By .......................... Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld
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</p>
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<p>Written By ........................... Larry David & Jerry
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Seinfeld </p>
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<p>Directed By ......................... Tom Cherones </p>
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<p>============================================================================
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</p>
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<p>Cast: </p>
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<p>Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld </p>
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<p>George Costanza ................. Jason Alexander </p>
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<p>Elaine Benes ........................ Julia Louis-Dreyfus </p>
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<p>Kramer ............................... Michael Richards </p>
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<p>With: </p>
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<p>Newman..............................Wayne Knight </p>
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<p>Estelle..................................Estelle Harris </p>
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<p>Frank...................................Jerry Stiller </p>
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<p>Barry...................................John Kapelos </p>
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<p>Lippman..............................Richard Fancy </p>
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<p>Jake.....................................Marty Rackham </p>
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<p>Farkus.................................Patrick Cronin </p>
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<p>==============================================================================
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</p>
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<p>Jerry, George and Elaine at Monk's Caf </p>
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<p>Jerry: So, does he like you? </p>
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<p>Elaine: What do you think? </p>
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<p>Jerry: You like him? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah, yeah like him, definitely like him. I like him a
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lot. </p>
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<p>George: What's wrong with him? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Nothing, and I've looked. </p>
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<p>George: Well, I'm sure you'll find something. </p>
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<p>Jerry: So, how did you meet him? </p>
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<p>Elaine: In the office. </p>
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<p>Jerry: So, he's a writer. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, big surprise. </p>
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<p>Elaine: So, I was sitting at the reception desk, I was looking
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pretty hot. I was wearing my sling back pumps. </p>
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<p>George: What are those? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Ask your mother, you live with her now, don't you? Anyway,
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so then this guy comes up to me and starts feeling my jacket through
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his thumb and his forefinger</p>
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<p>like this. </p>
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<p>Jerry: So, what did you do? </p>
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<p>Elaine: I said: "So, what do you think?". And he said,
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"Gabardine?". And I said, "Yeah." That was it.
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</p>
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<p>George: Wow, just felt your material? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Yeah...Jake Jarmel. </p>
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<p>George: Sounds like a cool guy. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Sounds like a jerk. Felt your material, come on. </p>
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<p>George: Jerry, where did you get that sweater? </p>
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<p>Jerry: What do you think? I found it at the back of my closet.
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</p>
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<p>George: I think that's what the back of closets are for. </p>
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<p>*Elaine looks out the window* </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hey, that's Barry. Look it's Barry. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey... </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hi. </p>
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<p>George: Who's that? </p>
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<p>Jerry: That's Barry Prophet, he's our accountant. </p>
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<p>George: I don't know how you can let this guy handle all your money.
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</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, he doesn't handle my money, he handles Jerry's money.
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He just does my taxes. </p>
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<p>*Barry comes in* </p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey Barry, how you doing? This is my friend George. </p>
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<p>Barry: Hi George. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hi, what are you doing on this neighborhood? </p>
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<p>Barry: Nothing really. *sniffs* You, eh, you eat here? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, so how's my money? </p>
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<p>Barry: Still green. *sniffs* </p>
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<p>Jerry: What, you got a cold? </p>
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<p>Barry: No, no. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Wow, look at that ring. </p>
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<p>Barry: Oh, you like that? *sniffs* Say, where's the bathroom? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Bathroom, bathroom is right over there. </p>
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<p>*Barry goes to bathroom* </p>
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<p>Jerry: Did you see that? </p>
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<p>Elaine: See what? </p>
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<p>George: Yes, I saw that. </p>
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<p>Jerry: What was all that sniffing? </p>
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<p>Elaine: I don't know. </p>
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<p>Jerry: You don't think...? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh, no! Come on Jerry. </p>
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<p>George: He was definitely sniffing. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I mean what if, what if, this this guy has got all my money.
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Plus he has got some Kramer's money with him. This guy can write
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checks to himself right out of my account. </p>
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<p>Elaine: I have known this guy since college. He doesn't do drugs.
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</p>
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<p>Jerry: Then, what was all that sniffing? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Maybe it's the cold weather. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Today is not cold. </p>
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<p>George: All right, I've got to get going. My parents are expecting
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me. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Don't forget to wash your hands before supper. </p>
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<p>------------------------------------------------------- </p>
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<p>*Costanza's. George, Estelle and Frank are eating dinner. George
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is pounding a ketchup bottle.* </p>
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<p>Frank: Why do you need all that ketchup for? </p>
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<p>George: This is my ketchup. I bought this ketchup just so I could
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have as much as I want. </p>
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<p>Frank: So, I talked to Phil Casacof today. </p>
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<p>Estelle: Phil Casacof? </p>
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<p>Frank: Yeah, you know my friend, the bra salesman. He says they
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are looking maybe to put somebody on so I got you an interview next
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Friday with his boss. </p>
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<p>George: Next Friday, what time? </p>
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<p>Frank: 2 o'clock. </p>
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<p>George: That's my whole afternoon! I was going to look for sneakers.
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</p>
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<p>Frank: You can look for sneakers the next day! </p>
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<p>Estelle: He doesn't know anything about bras. </p>
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<p>George: I know a little. Besides, what do you have to know? </p>
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<p>Frank: Well, it wouldn't hurt to go in the and be able to discuss
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it intelligently. Maybe you should take a look at a few bras? Where
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is you bra? Give him a bra to look. </p>
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<p>Estelle: I am not giving him a bra. </p>
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<p>Frank: Why not? </p>
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<p>Estelle: Because I don't need him looking at my bra. </p>
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<p>Frank: Why, so he'll go to the interview and he wouldn't know what
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he's talking about!?! </p>
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<p>George: Do we have to...? </p>
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<p>Frank: You don't even know what they're made from. </p>
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<p>George: They are made from lycra-spandex. </p>
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<p>Frank: Get out of here! Lycra-spandex? </p>
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<p>Estelle: I think they are made from lycra-spandex. </p>
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<p>Frank: Wanna bet? How much you wanna bet? </p>
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<p>Estelle: I'm not betting! </p>
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<p>Frank: Take a look. </p>
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<p>Estelle: All right, I'll get a bra. </p>
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<p>Frank: I don't know what the big problem is getting a bra?! </p>
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<p>George: She doesn't want to get a bra. </p>
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<p>Frank: I'm not saying go to the library and read the whole history,
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but it wouldn't kill you to know a little bit about it. </p>
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<p>George: All right, it wouldn't kill me. </p>
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<p>Frank: How long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there?
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You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you
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know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups. </p>
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<p>George: I-I know about the cups. </p>
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<p>Frank: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest. </p>
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<p>George: I know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on
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knowing that the D is the biggest. </p>
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<p>Estelle: Here, here's the bra. </p>
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<p>Frank: Let me see it. </p>
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<p>Estelle: 100% lycra-spandex. </p>
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<p>Frank: Let me see it. </p>
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<p>Estelle: I told you. Here, think you know everything? </p>
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<p>Frank: Hmm, that's surprising. All right, what else? You got the
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cups in the front, two loops in the back. All right, a guess that's
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about it. </p>
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<p>George: I got it. Cups in the front, loops in the back. </p>
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<p>Estelle: You got ketchup on it! </p>
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<p>*George takes his plate and the ketchup and leaves.* </p>
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<p>-------------------------------------------------------- </p>
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<p>*5A. Jerry and Kramer.* </p>
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<p>Kramer: Sniffing, what do you mean sniffing? </p>
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<p>Jerry: Sniffing, with his nose. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Jerry, he probably had a cold. </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, I asked him. </p>
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<p>Kramer: So, what are you saying? </p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't know, you know, what if...? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Drugs? You think he's on drugs? </p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Jerry: I don't know. All I know he was sniffing. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Jerry, listen, we went in on a CD together. </p>
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<p>Jerry: I know. </p>
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<p>Kramer: And Newman gave you money too. I didn't even meet this
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guy. We trusted you. </p>
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<p>Jerry: Look, it doesn't necessarily mean anything yet, it just
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means he was sniffing. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, what else? Was he nervous? Did he use a lot of slang?
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Did he use the word 'man'? </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, he didn't use 'man'. </p>
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<p>Kramer: I mean when he was leaving did he say I'm splittin' ? </p>
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<p>Jerry: No, but in one point he did use the bathroom. </p>
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<p>Kramer: Whoh! </p>
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<p>Jerry: Do you think that's a bad sign? </p>
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<p>Kramer: Yes!! Yes, that's what they do! They live in the bathroom!
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All right, what are we going to do? We are going to get our money
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back, right? </p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't know. This sweater really itches me. You want it?
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</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah. </p>
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<p>----------------------------------------------------- </p>
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<p>*Elaine's apartment. Jake is there and Elaine comes in.* </p>
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<p>Elaine: Hello.... hello, oh... </p>
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<p>Jake: Well, you notice anything? </p>
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<p>Elaine: You have cleaned out the whole apartment and you're making
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dinner. Oh, you are a perfect, you are a perfect man. </p>
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<p>*Jake feels Elaine's coat material.* </p>
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<p>Jake: Ooh... </p>
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<p>Elaine: Did anyone call? </p>
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<p>Jake: I got a few messages, I wrote them down. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Where are they? </p>
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<p>Jake: Lets see, they are...here they are. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Thank you. Heh, I'll call you back.Ooh, Myra had the baby!
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Oh, my God that's wonderful! Who called? </p>
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<p>Jake: She did. </p>
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<p>Elaine: She did? Oh, that's so great! </p>
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<p>Jake: Where do you keep the corkscrew? </p>
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<p>Elaine: In the drawer on the right. Hmm... </p>
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<p>Jake: What? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh it's nothing. </p>
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<p>Jake: What is it? </p>
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<p>Elaine: It's nothing. </p>
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<p>Jake: Tell me. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, I was just curious why you didn't use an exclamation
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point? </p>
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<p>Jake: What are you talking about? </p>
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<p>Elaine: See, right here you wrote "Myra had the baby",
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but you didn't use an exclamation point. </p>
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<p>Jake: So? </p>
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<p>Elaine: So, it's nothing. Forget it, forget it, I just find it
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curious. </p>
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<p>Jake: What's so curious about it? </p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, I mean if one of your close friends had a baby and
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I left you a message about it, I would use an exclamation point.
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</p>
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<p>Jake: Well, maybe I don't use my exclamation points as haphazardly
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as you do. </p>
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<p>Elaine: You don't think that someone having a baby warrants an
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exclamation point. </p>
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<p>Jake: Hey, I just chalked down the message. I didn't know I was
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required to capture the mood of each caller. </p>
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<p>Elaine: I just thought you would be a little more excited about
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a friend of mine having a baby. </p>
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<p>Jake: Ok, I'm excited. I just don't happen to like exclamation
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points. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, you know Jake, you should learn to use them. Like
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the way I'm talking right now, I would put an exclamation points
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at the end of all these sentences! On this one! And on that one!
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</p>
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<p>Jake: Well, you can put one on this one: I'm leaving! </p>
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<p>--------------------------------------------------- </p>
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<p>5A. Jerry and Elaine </p>
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<p>Jerry: You're out of your mind you know that. </p>
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<p>Elaine: What? </p>
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<p>Jerry: It's an exclamation point! It's a line with a dot under
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it. </p>
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<p>Elaine: Well, I felt a call for one. </p>
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<p>Jerry: A call for one, you know I thought I've heard everything.
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I've never heard a relationship being affected by a punctuation.
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</p>
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<p>Elaine: I found it very troubling that he didn't use one. </p>
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<p>Jerry: George was right. Didn't take you long. </p>
|
|
<p>*Kramer enters* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Anything new on that guy on drugs? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: He's not on drugs. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Then why the sniffing? Who walks around *sniff, sniff*
|
|
sniffing? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: All right, here, you call him right now. See if he's sniffing
|
|
right now. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Good idea. </p>
|
|
<p>Voice on the phone: Prophet and Goldstein. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yes, I'd like to speak to Barry Prophet, please. </p>
|
|
<p>voice: I'm sorry he's out of town. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Out of town? </p>
|
|
<p>voice: Yes, he went to South America. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: South America? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: South America? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I'll call back, thank you. He went to South America! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yyyeeaaah!! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So what? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Who goes to South America? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: People go to South America. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, and they come back with things taped to they're large
|
|
intestine. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: So, because of a few bad apples you're gonna impugn an
|
|
entire continent? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well, I say we're going to take our money right now! </p>
|
|
<p>*Newman enters* </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hey, hey... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hello Newman. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hello Jerry. So, any news? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, he skipped out and *ptruut* went to South America!
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: South America?! What kind of snow blower did you get us
|
|
mixed up with? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ok, gentlemen. The fact remains you still have no proof.
|
|
This is all speculation and hearsay. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Wait, there is one way to find out. We set up a sting.
|
|
You know like Abscam. Like Abscam Jerry. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What are you gonna do? You gonna put on a phony beard and
|
|
dress-up like Arab sheiks and sit around in some hotel room. I mean
|
|
come on... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Wait a second. Maybe there is someway we can tempt him and
|
|
find out... </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: If we put our three heads together we should come up with
|
|
something. </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p>*Jerry, Kramer and Newman in the Saab* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What's today? </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: It's Thursday. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Really? Feels like Tuesday. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel,
|
|
Sunday has a feel.... </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I feel Tuesday and Wednesday... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, shut up the both of you! You're making me nervous.
|
|
Where is he already? He should've been out of work by now. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hey, you know this is kind of fun. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah, maybe we oughta become private detectives... </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah maybe you should. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Maybe I will. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Yeah, me too. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, what are you gonna say to him? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Just gonna find out if he's interested. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hey, hey maybe I should go with him? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, you stay in the car. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Who made you the leader? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right Newman, one more peep out of you and you're out
|
|
of the whole operation! There he is. He's going to that bar. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right, I'm going in. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Be careful Kramer. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: I've should've gone in with him. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, you stay here in the car. I may need you. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: What you need me in the car for? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I might need you to get me a soda. </p>
|
|
<p>------------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*In the bar. Barry is drinking by the counter. Kramer enters.*
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'll have a brewsky , Charlie. </p>
|
|
<p>Bartender: Name's Mitch. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, there's nothing like a cold one after a long day, eh?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Barry: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh yeah, I've been known to drink a beer or two. But then
|
|
again, I've been known to do a lot of things. </p>
|
|
<p>*Waiter opens the counter which hits Kramer on the head* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Cigarette? </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: No, I never touch them. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I suck'em down like Coca-Cola. Well here's to feeling good
|
|
all the time. </p>
|
|
<p>*Kramer drinks the beer and smokes the cigarette at the same time*
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>*Barry sniffs* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Looks like you've got yourself a little cold there, eh?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Barry: I don't think so. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Me neither. </p>
|
|
<p>*Kramer puts the cigarette wrong way to his mouth* </p>
|
|
<p>---------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*Back in the car with Jerry and Newman.* </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You should try this new dental floss Glide, it's fantastic.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: I use dental tape. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You should try this. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: I don't wanna. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Not even once? </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: No. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You're an idiot. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Why, because I use dental tape? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Right, anyone who uses dental tape is an idiot. </p>
|
|
<p>---------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*Back in the bar.* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: South America? </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: Yeah, yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: That's importuning(?) continent. </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: They are expanding their economic base. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Tell me about it. </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I'm hip. </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: Hip to the what? </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Kramer: To the whole scene. *sniff* </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: What scene? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: The bathroom scene. *sniff, sniff* </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: Listen, don't take this personally, but when I'm coming
|
|
back I'm sitting over there. </p>
|
|
<p>---------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*Back in the car. Newman takes a dental floss out of his mouth.*
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: No, no I don't like it. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What do you mean you don't like it? How could you not like
|
|
it? </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: I like the thick tape. </p>
|
|
<p>*Newman puts dental floss on the dashboard. Jerry looks disgusted.*
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*The bar. Kramer enters the bathroom, kicks the door open and takes
|
|
a photograph.* </p>
|
|
<p>Barry: Heeyy!! What kind of a nut are you? </p>
|
|
<p>-------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*George's job interview.* </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: So, basically the job here is quite simple. Selling bras.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, that interests me very much Mr. Farkus.Very much
|
|
indeed, sir. </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: Have you ever sold a woman's line before? </p>
|
|
<p>George: No, but I have very good repute with women, very good,
|
|
top form. And the first time I laid my I on brassieres I was enthralled.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: Hum. tell me about it. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Well, I was 14 years old. I was in my friends bathroom.
|
|
His mother's brassieres were hanging on the shower rod. I picked
|
|
it up, studied it. I thought, I like this. I didn't know what way
|
|
or what level, but I knew: I wanted to be around brassieres. </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: That's incredible story. You have a remarkable passion
|
|
for brassieres. </p>
|
|
<p>George: They are more than an underwear to me Mr.Farkus. Two cups
|
|
in the front, two loops in the back. How do they do it? </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: Well, I think I can say, barring some unforeseen incident,
|
|
that you'll have a very bright future here at ED Granmont. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Thank you Mr.Farkus, thank you very much indeed. </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: See you monday 9 o'clock. </p>
|
|
<p>George: If you don't mind, sir. I'll be here at 8. </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: Excellent. </p>
|
|
<p>George: So long, Mr. Farkus. </p>
|
|
<p>*George leaves the office and goes to the elevator. A women there
|
|
is waiting for the elevator. George felts her blouse material.*
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Ms. De Granmont: What you're think you're doing? </p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, nothing... </p>
|
|
<p>Ms. De Granmont: Farkus, get out here! </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: Yes, Ms. De Granmont? </p>
|
|
<p>Ms. De Granmont: Who is this pervert little weasel? </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus: This is Costanza, he's our new bra salesman. He's supposed
|
|
to start on monday. </p>
|
|
<p>Ms. De Granmont: If he's here on monday, you're not. Take a pick.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Farkus to George: Get out! </p>
|
|
<p>Farkus to Ms. De Granmont: I'm terribly sorry Ms. De Granmont...
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>-------------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*Pendant publishing. Elaine is at Lippman's office.* </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You wanted to see me, Mr. Lippman? </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: I was just going over the Jake Jarmel book and I understand
|
|
you worked with him very closely. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yes, krhm, yes I did. </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: And, anyway I was just reading your final edit, um, there
|
|
seems to be an inordinate number of exclamation points. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, I felt that the writing lacked certain emotion and
|
|
intensity. </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: Oh, "It was damp and chilly afternoon, so I decided
|
|
to put on my sweatshirt!" </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Right, well... </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: You put exclamation point after sweatshirt? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: That's that's correct, I-I felt that the character doesn't
|
|
like to be ch-ch-chilly... </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: I see, "I pulled the lever on the machine, but the
|
|
Clark bar didn't come out!" Exclamation point? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Well, yeah, you know how frustrating that can be when you
|
|
keep putting quarters and quarters in to machine and then *prrt*
|
|
nothing comes out... </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: Get rid of the exclamation points... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Ok, ok ok ... </p>
|
|
<p>Lippman: I hate exclamation points... </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: ...ok I'll just.... </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*5A. Jerry, Kramer, Newman writing a letter. Elaine reads on the
|
|
couch.* </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: 'Dear Barry. Consider this letter to be official termination
|
|
of our relationship effective immediately.' </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Exclamation point. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You still have no proof. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Elaine, he was sniffing like crazy around me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: 'I will expect all funds in form of cashier checks no later
|
|
than the 18th'. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Double exclamation point! </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Will that take care of ours too? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, I'll give you yours as soon as I get my money back.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Hey, you want me to mail it? I'm on my way out anyway.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, thanks. </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: It'll be my pleasure. </p>
|
|
<p>*Kramer puts the photograph to the envelope. Newman and Kramer
|
|
laughs and Newman leaves.* </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: See'ya later. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You know this... </p>
|
|
<p>*Knock on the door. It's pizzaguy* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, Ralph. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi Ralph. </p>
|
|
<p>Ralph: What's up fellows? That'll be 14,30. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Mushrooms, you got mushrooms Jerry? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p>*Ralph sniffs and rubs his eyes.* </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What's the matter? You've got a cold? </p>
|
|
<p>Ralph: No Kramer, what is this? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: It's a sweater. </p>
|
|
<p>Ralph: What's it made out of? </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: I don't know, Jerry gave it to me. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Mohair, I think. </p>
|
|
<p>Ralph: Mohair, that figures, I'm allergic to mohair. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You mean you just started sniffing? </p>
|
|
<p>Ralph: Yeah, mohair does it to me every time. </p>
|
|
<p>*Ralph leaves* </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I was wearing that sweater in the coffee shop when Barry
|
|
came in. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Jerry, I was wearing it in the bar. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: The sweater! The sweater made him sniff! I told you he
|
|
wasn't a drug addict. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh no! The letter, Newman, it's got exclamation points all
|
|
over it! </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Not to mention the picture of him on the toilet. </p>
|
|
<p>*Jerry leaves the door and comes back second later* </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: The what?? </p>
|
|
<p>---------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*Newman is taking the letter to the mailbox. There's a woman at
|
|
same time at the letterbox.* </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: After you. </p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Thank you. </p>
|
|
<p>*Newman feels the woman's coat material.* </p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Get your hands off of me! Johnny!!! Johnny! </p>
|
|
<p>*Newman rushes away dropping the letter on the ground.* </p>
|
|
<p>--------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*Costanza's* </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: What do you mean you felt the material? What, with your
|
|
fingers like this? </p>
|
|
<p>George: So what, what is so bad about that? </p>
|
|
<p>Estelle: Who goes around feeling people's material? What can be
|
|
gained feeling a person's material? It's insanity! </p>
|
|
<p>Frank: What ever happened to "Why, that's a lovely dress you
|
|
have on. May I have this dance?"!! </p>
|
|
<p>-------------------------------------------------- </p>
|
|
<p>*At the caf. Kramer and Elaine.* </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You are really lucky Newman never mailed that letter. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Sorry I'm late, I just came from a meeting with my lawyer.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What is this? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: It's a letter from your friend Barry Prophet's lawyer. </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: He is filing a chapter eleven. Why, what's going on, why
|
|
is he filing a chapter eleven? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Bankruptcy, bankruptcy...as in I've taken your money and
|
|
spent it on drugs! </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: What do you mean, I thought it was the sweater. </p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right, What about the money? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What about the money? Apparently if I had dissolved my relationship
|
|
with him prior to his filing chapter eleven, I've could've got the
|
|
money back. Which I</p>
|
|
<p>would've done, if for certain imbecile had been able to get to
|
|
a mailbox and mail a letter!! </p>
|
|
<p>*Newman enters and goes to the counter.* </p>
|
|
<p>Newman: Pair of bear claws, please. </p>
|
|
<p>*Jerry approaches Newman, but some women comes between and feels
|
|
Jerry's shirt.* </p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Nice. </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Think so? </p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Yeah, what is it? </p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Half silk, half cotton, half linen. How can you go wrong?
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>*End Credits.* </p>
|
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<p>
|
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<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|