1114 lines
48 KiB
HTML
1114 lines
48 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Soup Nazi</h1>
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Episode 115 </p>
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<p>Written by Spike Feresten Directed by Andy Ackerman</p>
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<p>========================================================================</p>
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<p>Guest Starring Regular Cast</p>
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<p>--------------------- -------------------</p>
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<p>WAYNE KNIGHT as Newman JERRY SEINFELD as Jerry </p>
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<p>HEIDI SWEDBERG as Susan JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUSS as Elaine</p>
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<p>ALEXANDRA WENTWORTH as Sheila JASON ALEXANDER as George</p>
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<p>LARRY THOMAS as Soup Nazi MICHAEL RICHARDS as Kramer</p>
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<p>STEVE HYTNER as Bania</p>
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<p>JOHN PARAGON as Ray</p>
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<p>YUL VAZQUEZ as Bob</p>
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<p>THOM BARRY as Super</p>
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<p>VINCE MELOCCHI as Furniture Guy</p>
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<p>ANA GASTEYER as Woman</p>
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<p>CEDRIC DUPLECHAIN as Customer</p>
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<p>MIKE MICHAUD as Customer</p>
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<p>========================================================================</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. So, what theatre you wanna go to tonight? We
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got 61st </p>
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<p>and 3rd or 84th and Broadway.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Which one you wanna go to shmoopy?</p>
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<p>SHEILA: You called me shmoppy. You're a shmoopy.</p>
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<p>JERRY: You're a shmoopy!</p>
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<p>SHEILA: You're a shmoopy!</p>
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<p>JERRY: You're a shmoopy! </p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right, shmoopies...what's it gonna be? Pick a theater.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Uh,..we'll go to 3rd Avenue. So, can you come with us for
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lunch to</p>
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<p>the soup place?</p>
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<p>SHEILA: No. You have a good lunch. But I'll meet you back here
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for the</p>
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<p>movie.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Hey.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hey. </p>
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<p>SHEILA: Hi Elaine.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hi Sheila.</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right, then. I'll see you later.</p>
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<p>SHEILA: Bye shmoopy.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Bye shmoopy.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Okay. We ready to go?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yes. Please. Please, let's go.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Boy, I'm in the mood for a cheeseburger.</p>
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<p>JERRY: No. We gotta go to the soup place. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: What soup place?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, there's a soup stand, Kramer's been going there.</p>
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<p>JERRY: He's always raving. I finally got a chance to go there the
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other</p>
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<p>day, and I tell you this, you will be stunned.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Stunned by soup?</p>
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<p>JERRY: You can't eat this soup standing up, your knees buckle.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Huh. All right. Come on.</p>
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<p>JERRY: There's only one caveat -- the guy who runs the place is
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a little</p>
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<p>temperamental, especially about the ordering procedure. He's secretly</p>
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<p>referred to as the Soup Nazi. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Why? What happens if you don't order right?</p>
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<p>JERRY: He yells and you don't get your soup.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Just follow the ordering procedure and you will be fine.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. All right. Let's - let's go over that again.
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</p>
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<p>JERRY: All right. As you walk in the place move immediately to
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your right. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
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<p>JERRY: The main thing is to keep the line moving.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. So, you hold out your money, speak your soup
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in a loud,</p>
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<p>clear voice, step to the left and receive.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Right. It's very important not to embellish on your order.
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No</p>
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<p>extraneous comments. No</p>
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<p>questions. No compliments. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, boy, I'm really scared!</p>
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<p>JERRY: Elaine.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: All right. Jerry, that's enough now about the Soup Nazi.
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Whoa! Wow!</p>
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<p>Look at this. You know what this is? This is an antique armoire.
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Wow!</p>
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<p>It's French. Armoire. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Ar-moire.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: How much is this?</p>
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<p>FURNITURE GUY: I was asking 250, but you got a nice face. 2 even.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Huh? Ha. 200. You know, I've always wanted one of these
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things. </p>
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<p>JERRY: He gave you the nice face discount.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah. All right. You guys go ahead.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What about the soup?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I'm getting an armoire, Jerry. </p>
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<p>JERRY: [in French accent] Pardon.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: This line is huge.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It's like this all the time.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Isn't that that Bania guy?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, no. It is. Just be still.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Whoop! Too late. I think he picked up the scent.</p>
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<p>BANIA: Hey, Jerry! I didn't know you liked soup.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hard to believe.</p>
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<p>BANIA: This guy makes the best soup in the city, Jerry. The best.
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You know</p>
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<p>what they call him? Soup Nazi.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Shhhhh! All right, Bania, I - I'm not letting you cut in
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line.</p>
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<p>BANIA: Why not?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Because if he catches us, we'll never be able to get soup
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again.</p>
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<p>BANIA: Okay. Okay.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Medium turkey chili. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Medium crab bisque. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: I didn't get any bread.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Just forget it. Let it go.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Um, excuse me, I - I think you forgot my bread.</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: Bread -- $2 extra.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: $2? But everyone in front of me got free bread.</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: You want bread? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yes, please.</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: $3!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What?</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: No soup for you! [snaps fingers]</p>
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<p>[cahsier takes George's soup and gives him back his money]</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What do you mean I can't bring in here? I live here.</p>
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<p>SUPER: Its Sunday, Elaine. There's no moving on Sunday. That's
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the rule.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: But I didn't know, Tom. I g -- can't you just make an exception?</p>
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<p>Please. I've got a nice face.</p>
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<p>SUPER: Tomorrow, okay? You can move it in tommorrow. I'll even
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give you a</p>
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<p>hand, all right?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ohh! Well, you're just gonna have to hold this for me.
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</p>
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<p>FURNITURE GUY: I'm a guy on the sidewalk. I don't have layaway.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, no...please don't go. Please - please don't walk away.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, man. Ohh! This is fantastic. How does he do it?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You know, I don't see how you can sit there eating that
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and not</p>
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<p>even offer me any?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I gave you a taste. What do you want?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Why can't we share?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I told you not to say anything. You can't go in there, brazenly</p>
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<p>flaunt the rules and then think I'm gonna share with you!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Do you hear yourself?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm sorry. This is what comes from living under a Nazi regime.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Well, I gotta go back there and try again. Hi Sheila.</p>
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<p>SHEILA: Hi. Hi shmoopy.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hi shmoopy.</p>
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<p>SHEILA: No, you're a shmoopy!</p>
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<p>JERRY: You're a shmoopy!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I'm going.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey, listen, so we'll meet you and Susan at the movie tonight?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You know what? I changed my mind. I, uh, I don't think
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so.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Why?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I just don't feel like it anymore.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Just like that?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Just like that.</p>
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<p>SHEILA: Boy, he's a weird guy, isn't he?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: [taking Jerry's couch cushion] Yeah.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Wha -- what are you doing?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Elaine, she has to leave her armoire on the street
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all</p>
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<p>night...I'm gonna guard it for her. I need something to sit on.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Well, sit on one of your couch cushions.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, but this is so nice and thick. Ahoy there!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, Kramer! Thank God. I really appreciate you doing this.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Well, you ask for it, you got it.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Do you need anything?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Well, a bowl of muligatawny would hit the spot.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Mulligatawny?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah. It's an Indian soup. It's simmered to perfection
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by one of</p>
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<p>the great soup artisans</p>
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<p>in the modern era.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh! Who? The Soup Nazi?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: He's not a Nazi. He just happens to be a little eccentric.
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Most</p>
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<p>geniuses are.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: All right. I'll be back.</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>KRAMER: Wait a second. You don't even know how to order.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, no. No. No. No. I got it.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: No. No, Elaine!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hey, I got it. Hey. Didn't you already get soup?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: No. I didn't get it.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Why? What happened?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I made a mistake.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: [laughing]</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. Well, we'll see what happens to you.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah. No. Listen, George, I am quite certain I'm walking
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out of</p>
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<p>there with a bowl of soup. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yeah. Hey, let ask you something. Is it just me, or - or
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do you</p>
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<p>find it unbearable to be around Jerry and that girl?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, I know! It is awful!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Why do they have to do that in front of people?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I don't know.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: What is that with the shmoopy? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ohh!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: The shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmmopy, shmoopy!</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ohh! Stop it! I know.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I had to listen to a five minute discussion on which one
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is</p>
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<p>actually called shmoopy.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Ugh!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: And I cancelled plans to go to the movies with them tonight.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You know, we should say something.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: You know, we absolutely should.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: I mean, why does he do that? Doesn't he know what a huge
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turnoff</p>
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<p>that is?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I don't know. He can be so weird sometimes. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Yeah.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I still haven't figured him out.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No. Me neither.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. Shh! I gotta focus. I'm shifting into soup mode.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, God!</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Good afternoon. One large crab bisque to go. Bread. Beautiful.</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: You're pushing your luck little man.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Sorry. Thank you.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hi there. Um, uh -- [drumming on countertop] Oh! Oh! Oh!
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One</p>
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<p>mulligatawny and, um....</p>
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<p>what is that right there? Is that lima bean?</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: Yes.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Never been a big fan. [coughing] Um..you know what? Has
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anyone ever</p>
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<p>told you you look exactly like Al Pacino? You know, " Scent
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Of A Woman."</p>
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<p>Who-ah! Who-ah!</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: Very good. Very good.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Well, I --</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: You know something? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hmmm?</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: No soup for you! </p>
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<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
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<p>SOUP NAZI: Come back one year! Next!</p>
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<p>RAY: Look at this. </p>
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<p>BOB: It's an antique.</p>
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<p>RAY: It's all hand made and I love the in-lay.</p>
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<p>BOB: Yes. Yes. me, too. Ay, it's gorgeous. Completely. Pick it
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up. No. No.</p>
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<p>Pick it up from the bottom over there.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What are you doing?</p>
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<p>BOB: What does it look like we're doing? We're taking this.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You can't take this. This belongs to a friend of mine.</p>
|
|
<p>BOB: Look, you wanna get hurt? </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Huh?</p>
|
|
<p>BOB: I don't think you wanna get hurt. Because if you wanna get
|
|
hurt I can</p>
|
|
<p>hurt you. Now, just back off.</p>
|
|
<p>RAY: Bob.</p>
|
|
<p>BOB: Just pick it up.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: What is this, huh?</p>
|
|
<p>BOB: You have some kind of problem here? What is it you not understanding?</p>
|
|
<p>We taking the armoire and that's all there is to it. Okay? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I mean, is he allowed to do this? It's discrimination!
|
|
I'm gonna</p>
|
|
<p>call the states' attorney office. I really am.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, this is fabulous. My God Elaine, you have to taste
|
|
this.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: All right. All right. Give me a tsate. Mmm! Oh God, I gotta
|
|
sit</p>
|
|
<p>down. What happened? Where's my armoire?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, b -- it was stolen.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Wha--?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: These street toughs, they robbed me.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Street toughs took my armoire?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. It was very frightening. My life was in danger. You
|
|
should've</p>
|
|
<p>seen the way they talked to me.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I can't believe this!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, where's the soup?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Wha -- the Soup Nazi threw me out.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh...yeah!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What are you gonna get?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: I'll decide at the last minute.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You better decide, sister. You're on deck. Sheila!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Soup Nazi pounding on countertop]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Uh-oh.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Hey, what is this? You're kissing in my line? Nobody
|
|
kisses in</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>my line!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: I can kiss anywhere I want to.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: You just cost yourself a soup!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: How dare you? Come on, Jerry, we're leaving. Jerry?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Do I know you?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: So, essentially, you chose soup over a woman?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was a bisque.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah. You know what I just realized? Suddenly, George has
|
|
become</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>much more normal than you.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Really?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah. Come on. I mean, think about it. He's engaged to
|
|
be married.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Your top priority is soup.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Have you tastes the soup?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah. All right. You made the right decision. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: See, the way I figure it, it's much easier to patch things
|
|
up with</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Sheila than with the Soup Nazi.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, thanks.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: There he is. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Elaine, I'm really sorry about the armoire.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah. I know. Me, too.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So, did these thieves want any money?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: They just wanted the armoire?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. They were..quite taken with it.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[interom buzzes]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hup! Hup!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey, have you noticed George is acting a little strange
|
|
lately?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No. In what way?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know. A lot of attitude, like he's better than me,
|
|
or</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>something.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I don't think George has ever thought he's better than
|
|
anybody.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Were you just talking about me? What's going on? </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Absolutely not.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Something's going on here.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: All right, [claps hands] I'm gonna go get some soup.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: One of these days that guy is gonna get his. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: So, how was the movie?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Aw, we didn't go. Sheila and I are kind of on the outs.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, yeah?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah. Wha - wha - what are you, happy?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Happy? Why should I be happy?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know, but you look like you're happy. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Why should I care?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You can't fool me. Don't insult me, George because I know
|
|
when</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>you're happy.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All right. I am happy, and I'll tell ya why -- because
|
|
the two of</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>you were making me and every one of your friends sick! Right, Elaine?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine sneaks out of Jerry's apartment]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Is that so?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah. Yeah. With all that kissing and the shmoopy, shmoopy,</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy out in public like that. It's disgusting!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Disgusting?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: People who do that should be arrested.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, I guess I have all the more reason to get back with
|
|
her.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ye - yeah. And we had a pact, you know. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You shook my hand in that coffee shop.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You're still with the pact?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Mmm-hmm. You reneged.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: All I did was shake your hand.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ah-ha!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: And then they just ran off with the armoire, just like
|
|
that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Ohh! This city.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: One large jambalaya, please.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: So, continue.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, my friend is awful disappointed is all. You know,
|
|
she's very</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>emotional.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: Thank you. [inhaling deeply] Jambalaya!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: All right, now listen to me. You have been a good friend.
|
|
I have</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>an armoire in my basement. If you want to pick it up, you're welcome</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>to it. So, take it, it's yours.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: How can I possibly thank you?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: You are the only one who understands me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You suffer for your soup.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Yes. That is right.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You demand perfection from yourself, from your soup.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: How can I tolerate any less from my customer?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>CUSTOMER: Uh, gazpacho, por favor.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Por favor?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>CUSTOMER: Um, I'm part Spanish.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Adios muchacho!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Git.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It was stupid of me.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: Well, it was very insulting.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: No. I know. I - I was really sort of half-kidding.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: Well, behind every joke there's some truth.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What about that Bavarian cream pie joke I told you? There's
|
|
no truth</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>to that. Nobody with a terminal illness goes from the United States</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>to Europe for a piece of Bavarian cream pie and then when they
|
|
get</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>there and they don't have it he says " Aw, I'll just have
|
|
some</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>coffee." There's no truth to that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: Well, I guess you're right.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So, am I forgiven, shmoopy?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: Yes, shmoopy.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Aw!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Hey, Jerry!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, hi Susan, George. You remember Sheila.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, yes. Hello.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: Hello. Won't you join us?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, thanks.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Of course.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yes. Well -- So, uh, sit on the same side at a booth, huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah. That's right. You got a problem?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I, uh, just think it's a little unusual. Two people to
|
|
sit on one</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>side...and leave the other side empty.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, we're changing the rules.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Ahh. Good for you.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Aw, what are you getting George?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't know, honey. What do you want to get? [in babying
|
|
voice] I</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>want you to get anything you want...'cause I love you so much.
|
|
I</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>want you to be happy. Okay, sweetie?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Oh, George, you're so sweet.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Well, I could be a little sweetie tweetie weetie weetie.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Aww!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What about you, shmoopy? How 'bout a little tuna? You want
|
|
a little</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>tuna fishy? </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SHEILA: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yum yum little tuna fishy?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Come here.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[George & Susan begin making out; Jerry & Sheila begin
|
|
making out in order</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>to keep up]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: And..voila!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: [gasps]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh! Oh, I love it! I absolutely love it!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Did the K Man do it or did the K Man do it? </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The K Man did it!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: [laughing] How much did you pay for this thing?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: How 'bout zero?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What? Who's was it? Where'd you get it?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I'll tell ya where I got it. I got it from the guy you
|
|
so callously</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>refer to as the Soup Nazi.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Get out!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Elaine pushes on Kramer's chest, causing in to fall backwards
|
|
through her</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>swinging door]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The Soup Nazi gave it to you?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Why?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, I told him the whole story and he just let me have
|
|
it. Wha --</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Yeah. He's a wonderful man.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: [gasps]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Well, a little bit misunderstood but, uh....</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, I'm just gonna go down there and personally thank
|
|
him. I</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>mean, I had this guy all wrong. This is wonderful!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. Well, he's a dear.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: How much tip do you leave on $8.15?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: You know sweetie, I just want you to know that I was so
|
|
proud of you</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>today expressing your feelings so freely in front of Jerry and
|
|
all.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>Just knowing that you're not afraid of those things is such a great
|
|
step</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>forward in our relationship. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Huh?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: [in babying voice] Because you love your little kiki don't
|
|
you?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>CUSTOMER: How is he today?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>BANIA: I think he's in a good mood.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hi. You know, Kramer gave me the armoire and it is so beautiful.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>I'm mean, I just can't tell you how much I appreciate it.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: You? If I knew it was for you, I never would have given
|
|
it to</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>him in the first place! I would have taken a hatchet and smashed
|
|
it</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>to pieces! Now, who wants soup? Next! Speak up! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I'm heading over to Elaine's.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh. Jerry, those are the guys that mugged me for the armoire.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Those two?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Are you sure?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah. That's them.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, let's confront 'em.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No. No. No. No. Let's get a cop. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: There's no cops around. They're gonna leave. Come on.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Let's go.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>BOB: Oh, wow look, that one is gorgeous. I would just kill for
|
|
that one.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>RAY: Oh, not in blue. Blue does not go with all.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>BOB: Oh, please. Do you know what you're talking about? Because
|
|
I don't</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>think you know what you're talking about. Take a look at that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Excuse me. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>RAY: Are you talking to me?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Uh, well, uh, we --</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>RAY: I said, are you talking to me?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>BOB: Well, maybe, he was talking to me. Was you talking to him?
|
|
Because you</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>was obviously talking to one of us. So what is it? Who?! Who was
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>talking to?!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, wha -- I, uh -- uh, we were kind of, uh, talking
|
|
to each</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>other, weren't we?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>[Jerry & Kramer turn around and run away]</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I mean, you know, I've never been so insulted in my entire
|
|
life.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>There's something really wrong with this man. He is a Soup Nazi.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>What? What is that?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: I don't know. " 5 cups chopped Porcine mushrooms, half
|
|
a cup of</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>olive oil, 3 pounds of celery, chopped parsley..."</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Let me see this. [gasps] You know what this is? This is
|
|
a recipe</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>for soup, and look at this. There are like thirty different recipes.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>These are his recipes! </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERY: So?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: So? So, his secret's out. Don't you see? I could give these
|
|
to</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>every restaurant in town. I could have 'em published! I could -
|
|
I could</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>drop fliers from a plane above the city.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wait a second, Elaine. Where do you think you're going?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: What do you care?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Elaine, I don't want you causing any trouble down at that
|
|
soup</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>stand. I happen to love that soup.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Get out of my way, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Elaine, let the man make his soup!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Don't make me hurt you, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Look, they have it in blue...for my baby bluey. Are you
|
|
my baby</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>bluey?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, yes. I - I'm your baby bluey.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well. Well.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Hi, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Hey, Susan, George. </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: You know, I really like Sheila a lot.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd04 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, really?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Mmm-hmm.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Because we're kind of not seeing each other anymore.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Oh, no! That's too bad.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah. Well, she was very affectionate - which I love. You
|
|
know I</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>love that - but mentally, we couldn't quite make the connection.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Really?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Yeah. Too bad, 'cause you gotta have the affection - which
|
|
you</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>obviously have. I think it's great that you're so open with your</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>affections in public. See, we had that.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SUSAN: Mmm-hmm.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You did?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Oh, yeah. But the mental thing. But anyway. I'll see ya.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Yeah. See ya.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Go on! Leave! Get out!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>WOMAN: But I didn't do anything.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Next!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Hello.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: You. You think you can get soup? Please. You're wasting</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>everyone's time.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I don't want soup. I can make my own soup. " 5 cups
|
|
chopped Porcine</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>mushrooms, half a cup of olive oil, 3 pounds celery."</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: That is my recipe for wild mushroom.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, that's right. I got 'em all. Cold cucumber, corn
|
|
and crab</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>chowder, mulligatawny.</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>SOUP NAZI: Mulliga...tawny?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You're through Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for
|
|
you. Next!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: [panting] Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What is it?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: Something's happened with the Soup Nazi!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Wha - wha - what's the matter?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: Elaine's down there causing all kinds of commotion. Somehow
|
|
she got</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>a hold of his recipes and she says she's gonna drive him out of
|
|
business!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>The Soup Nazi said that now that his recipes are out, he's not</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>gonna make anymore soup! He's moving out of the country, moving
|
|
to Argentina! No </p>
|
|
<p>more soup, Jerry! No more soup for any of us!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, where are you going?</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>NEWMAN: He's giving away what's left! I gotta go home and get a
|
|
big pot!</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>...</p>
|
|
<p>------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p><Spell checked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy"></p>
|
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<p>
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