seinfeld-scripts/TheSubway.htm

752 lines
37 KiB
HTML

<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"
xmlns:og="http://opengraphprotocol.org/schema/"
xmlns:fb="http://www.facebook.com/2008/fbml"><!-- InstanceBegin template="/Templates/seinfeld.dwt" codeOutsideHTMLIsLocked="false" -->
<head>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
<META NAME="AUTHOR" CONTENT="Doctoroids" />
<META NAME="COPYRIGHT" CONTENT="&copy; 2002-2010 Doctoroids" />
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="doctitle" -->
<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Subway </title>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<link href="support-files/seinfeld.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" />
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="docdescription" -->
<meta name="description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Subway. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes" />
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="dockeywords" -->
<meta name="keywords" content="the subway, seinfeld subway, seinfeld scripts, seinfeld, seinfeld episode" />
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<script type="text/javascript">
window.google_analytics_uacct = "UA-16472669-1";
</script>
<link rel="image_src" href="images/seinfeld-share.jpg" />
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://s7.addthis.com/js/250/addthis_widget.js#username=doctoroids">var addthis_config = {data_track_clickback: true};</script>
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="head" -->
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="pagetype" -->
<script type="text/javascript">
var pageType="CONTENT";
</script>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script>
<meta property="og:site_name" content="SeinfeldScripts"/>
<meta property="fb:app_id" content="164823560224402"/>
<meta property="fb:admins" content="824270386"/>
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="ogdata" -->
<meta property="og:image" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/images/seinfeld-cast.jpg"/>
<meta property="og:title" content="The Subway"/>
<meta property="og:type" content="tv_show"/>
<meta property="og:url" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheSubway.htm"/>
<meta property="og:description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Subway. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes"/>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
</head>
<body>
<div class="wrap">
<div class="head_title">
</div>
<div id="menu">
<ul>
<!-- **** INSERT NAVIGATION ITEMS HERE (use id="selected" to identify the page you're on **** -->
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a></li>
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters</a></li>
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Gifts</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="addthis_toolbox addthis_default_style" id="menu_share">
<li><a style="padding: 8px 3px 8px 160px" href="http://addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&amp;username=doctoroids" class="addthis_button_compact">Share</a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_facebook"></a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_twitter"></a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_googlebuzz"></a></li>
<li><a class="addthis_button_digg"></a></li>
</div>
</div>
<div class="underMenu">
<a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com">Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community!</a></div>
<div id="content"><!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="main_content" -->
<h1>The Subway</h1>
<p><table width="300" height="250" border="0" align="left" cellpadding="0" style="margin-right:10px;">
<tr>
<td>
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
/* html-in_content-top_left */
google_ad_slot = "4619537930";
google_ad_width = 300;
google_ad_height = 250;
//-->
</script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script>
</td>
</tr>
</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p>&nbsp;</p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
============================================================================</p>
<p>Episode #313 </p>
<p>Originally Aired: January 8 1992</p>
<p>Transcribed by: Juha Auvinen from Finland</p>
<p>============================================================================</p>
<p>Production Credits:</p>
<p>Producer............ ................. Larry Charles</p>
<p>Supervising Producer ................. Tom Cherones</p>
<p>Executive Producer ................... Andrew Sherman</p>
<p>Created By ........................... Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld</p>
<p>Written By ........................... Larry Charles</p>
<p>Directed By .......................... Tom Cherones</p>
<p>============================================================================</p>
<p>Cast:</p>
<p>Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld</p>
<p>George Costanza ...................... Jason Alexander</p>
<p>Elaine Benes ......................... Julia Louis-Dreyfus</p>
<p>Kramer ............................... Michael Richards</p>
<p>With:</p>
<p>Naked man............................. Ernie Sabella</p>
<p>Scam woman.............................Barbara Stock</p>
<p>Woman with Elaine..................... Rhoda Gemignani</p>
<p>OTB Patron............................ Mark Boone Jr.</p>
<p>Thug.... ............................. Christopher Collins</p>
<p>Player #1 ............................ Barry Vigon</p>
<p>Player #2 ............................ Joe Restivo</p>
<p>Violinist/cop .........................Daryl Roach</p>
<p>Kid ...................................Chet Nelson</p>
<p>==============================================================================</p>
<p>Monk's Caf, the whole gang at a booth.</p>
<p>Kramer: All right, Coney Island. Ok, you can take the B or the
F and switch</p>
<p>for the N at Broadway Lafayette, or you can go over the bridge
to DeKalb</p>
<p>and catch the Q to Atlantic Avenue, then switch to the IRT 2, 3,
4 or 5,</p>
<p>but don't get on the G. See that's very tempting, but you wind
up on Smith</p>
<p>and 9th street, then you got to get on the R.</p>
<p>Elaine: Couldn't he just take the D straight to Coney Island?</p>
<p>Kramer: Well, yeah...</p>
<p>Elaine: Ok, what time is your job interview George?</p>
<p>George: 9:45</p>
<p>Jerry: Remember, don't whistle on the elevator.</p>
<p>George: Why not?</p>
<p>Jerry: That's what Willie Loman told Biff before his interview,
in 'Death of</p>
<p>a salesman'.</p>
<p>George: What, you are comparing me to Biff Loman, very encouraging.
The</p>
<p>biggest loser in history of American literature.</p>
<p>Elaine: All right, I'm gonna go.</p>
<p>Jerry: What time is the lesbian wedding?</p>
<p>Elaine: 9:30</p>
<p>George: Lesbian wedding. How do they work bride and groom out,
what do they</p>
<p>flip a coin?</p>
<p>Elaine: Yeah, they flip a coin.</p>
<p>George: What, was that not politically correct? It's a legitimate
question.</p>
<p>Jerry: I'm so tired. I'll fall asleep on that train (yawns)</p>
<p>George: I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they're</p>
<p>thinking: &quot;That's why I'm not heterosexual&quot;.</p>
<p>Kramer: Jerry, come on let's go, pick up the check so we can go.</p>
<p>Jerry: Oh, I'm paying for breakfast?</p>
<p>Kramer: Yeah.</p>
<p>Elaine: Yeah.</p>
<p>George: Yeah.</p>
<p>Jerry: Why do I always pay? What am I made of money? You bunch
of</p>
<p>deadbeats.</p>
<p>****************************</p>
<p>On the Subway.</p>
<p>George: How many tickets are you paying today?</p>
<p>Kramer: Well, let's see: speeding, running a red light, no license,
no</p>
<p>registration, no plates, no brake lights, no rear view mirror...yeah.
(gives</p>
<p>George a ticket)</p>
<p>George: No doors?</p>
<p>Kramer: I'm fighting that one. You know, this is gonna cost me
over six</p>
<p>hundred bucks.</p>
<p>*Blind violinist comes playing, with mug for the money. Everybody
else gets</p>
<p>some change, except George.*</p>
<p>George: I can't carry any changes in these pants, it falls out.</p>
<p>Violin player: Thank you.</p>
<p>George: That guy is not blind.</p>
<p>Jerry: So, can I convince anybody to come down to Coney Island
with me? I</p>
<p>got to pick up my car at the pound. George?</p>
<p>George: I can't believe they actually found your stolen car.</p>
<p>Jerry: Not only that they found it. It was simonized and the front
end was</p>
<p>aligned.</p>
<p>George: That's amazing.</p>
<p>Jerry: So what do you say? Run in the cyclone. Hotdogs on Nathan's
is on</p>
<p>me.</p>
<p>George: What are you? Satan? I'm close to a job here. It's my second</p>
<p>interview with them.</p>
<p>Jerry: All right, biff. Elaine, merry-go-round?</p>
<p>Elaine: I can't. I'm the best man.</p>
<p>Jerry: Kramer, bumper-cars?</p>
<p>Kramer: I've gotta go to court, I'll get in trouble. What's the
matter with</p>
<p>you?</p>
<p>Jerry: Could be years before I get back to Coney Island. I can't
go to</p>
<p>rides alone.</p>
<p>*Subway announcement: 42th street. Change to D,N,RR,2,3,4,5,7,C,E,F
train.*</p>
<p>*They all get off and go to different directions.*</p>
<p>Elaine: See'ya.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Another subway. Jerry comes in and sits down. Fat man across him
gives a</p>
<p>look.</p>
<p>George gets on another subway. Sits next to a beautiful woman.
They smile to</p>
<p>another.</p>
<p>Kramer rushes to yet another subway and tries to find a seat. Stumbles</p>
<p>around as all seats get filled right before him.</p>
<p>He squeezes himself to same seat with obese young man.</p>
<p>Jerry is falling asleep and leans towards the next guy who leaves
and Jerry</p>
<p>falls in his seat.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Woman next to George rubs her leg and George looks at her.</p>
<p>Woman: You looking for a job?</p>
<p>George: Me, why?</p>
<p>Woman: Well, you're reading the classifieds.</p>
<p>George: Oh, no no no. I was just looking for stock-pages. Here
it is.</p>
<p>Looking for the quotes. Gotta check to quotes. Love a good quote.
Oh, IBM</p>
<p>up a quarter.</p>
<p>Women: You didn't look like someone who needed a job.</p>
<p>George: Me? No, no, I don't, I don't. Doing very well, very well,
yep.</p>
<p>Women: So, you're in 'the market'?</p>
<p>George: Yeah I'm, eh, in 'the market'.</p>
<p>Women: Which market?</p>
<p>George: Which market, the, eh, big one, the big market, the big
board.</p>
<p>Bull market, bear market, you name the market, I'm there.</p>
<p>Women: So, do you work for one of those big broker-houses?</p>
<p>George: They wish. I hate the big broker-houses. Hate them with
a passion.</p>
<p>Big broker-houses killed my father.</p>
<p>Woman: Really?</p>
<p>George: Well, they hurt him bad. Really hurt his feelings. It's
a long</p>
<p>story. I- I don't like to talk about it, but I swore then that
I would</p>
<p>never work for big broker-houses. See, all they care about is money.
I'm</p>
<p>about more than money, I'm about people, always gone my own way
and I've</p>
<p>never looked back.</p>
<p>*Train horn blows and George looks back*</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Elaine's train. She's carrying a wedding present. A older woman
approaches</p>
<p>her*</p>
<p>Woman: I started riding these trains in the forties. Those days
a man would</p>
<p>give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have
to stand.</p>
<p>Elaine: It's ironic.</p>
<p>Women: What's ironic?</p>
<p>Elaine: This, that we've come all this way, we have made all this
progress,</p>
<p>but you know we've lost the little things, the niceties.</p>
<p>Woman: No, I mean what does 'ironic' mean?</p>
<p>Elaine: Oh...</p>
<p>Woman: Where are you up to, with such a nice present, birthday
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
party?</p>
<p>Elaine: A wedding.</p>
<p>Women: A wedding?</p>
<p>Elaine: Yeah</p>
<p>Woman: Hah, I didn't know people still get married. It's hard today
with</p>
<p>men and women.</p>
<p>Elaine: You're telling me.</p>
<p>Woman: So, are they a nice couple?</p>
<p>Elaine: Oh, very nice.</p>
<p>Woman: What does he do, if you don't mind me asking?</p>
<p>Elaine: She.</p>
<p>Women: She? She works, he doesn't. He sounds like my son.</p>
<p>Elaine: There is no he.</p>
<p>Women: There is no he. So, who's getting married?</p>
<p>Elaine: Em, two women. It's, eh...lesbian wedding.</p>
<p>Women: Lesbian wedding.</p>
<p>Elaine: Aha, yep. I'm the...eh...bes tman.</p>
<p>Women (talks to man next to her): My luck. I don't talk to a soul
in the</p>
<p>subway for 35 years. I get a best man at a lesbian wedding. (leaves)</p>
<p>Elaine: No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm not a lesbian! I
hate men,</p>
<p>but I'm not a lesbian!</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Kramer's train. A man leaves and lefts a newspaper to his seat.</p>
<p>Kramer and another guy glance each other and rush to get the paper.
The</p>
<p>other man gets to it first and Kramer gets only little piece of
one page.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Jerry's train. He is still sleeping and trying not to fall to the
floor.</p>
<p>Man across gives him a look.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Elaine's train. Train is full packed.*</p>
<p>Elaine's voice: I'm really looking forward to this. I love weddings.
Maybe</p>
<p>I'll meet somebody, umm maybe not.</p>
<p>*Train suddenly stops*</p>
<p>Elaine's voice: Oh, man. We're stopping?</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*George's train.*</p>
<p>Woman: Well, this is where I get off.</p>
<p>George: Oh, you do?</p>
<p>Woman: Eh, hey why don't you...oh nothing.</p>
<p>George: No, no, what, what?</p>
<p>Woman: Well, I was going to say: why don't you get off with me,
but you're</p>
<p>obviously very busy on your way to some important meeting or something.</p>
<p>George: Yeah, well....</p>
<p>Woman: Yeah I knew it was a bad idea.</p>
<p>*George is in agony thinking if he should go or stay. Then runs
after her*</p>
<p>George: Hey, what's another million, give or take. I get off where
and when</p>
<p>I wanna get off.</p>
<p>*He gets stuck between closing doors.*</p>
<p>George: I'm stuck. Pull a little, just a second. Don't start the
train!</p>
<p>Don't start the train!!</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Kramer is reading a newspaper. Couple of men behind him are talking.*</p>
<p>Man1: This, it's the fourth horse of the first race, Pappanick.</p>
<p>Man2: How do you know it's going to win?</p>
<p>Man1: My UPS-guy tells. Guys who own the horses are regular customers.</p>
<p>Every horse he has ever given me has won.</p>
<p>See, they've been sandbagging and looking for a good spot. He's
been</p>
<p>getting it light cause they've been using bug boy and the workout
hasn't</p>
<p>been published. Now they are ready to run with it. They are gonna
break his</p>
<p>maiden. It's going to go to great price, maybe 30:1. I'm telling
you ,it's</p>
<p>a lock.</p>
<p>Man2: But it rained last night.</p>
<p>Man1: Exactly, this horse loves the slop. It's in his bloodlines.
His</p>
<p>father was a mudda', his mother was a mudda'.</p>
<p>Man2: His mudda' was a mudda'?</p>
<p>Man1: What did I just say? Come on, let's go to the office, I'm
going to</p>
<p>call my bookie. Hey, don't tell anybody.</p>
<p>*Kramer quickly turns away*</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Jerry wakes up and looks to guy opposite to him. The fat guy is
naked and</p>
<p>reading a paper.*</p>
<p>Jerry: O-K. You realize of course, you're naked?</p>
<p>Naked man: Naked, dressed. I don't see any difference.</p>
<p>Jerry: You oughta' sit here. There is a difference.</p>
<p>Naked man: You got something against naked body?</p>
<p>Jerry: I got something against yours. How about a couple of deep
knee bends,</p>
<p>maybe a squat thrust?</p>
<p>Naked man: Who's got time for squat thrusts?</p>
<p>Jerry: All right, how about skipping breakfast. I'm guessing you're
not a</p>
<p>'half-grapefruit and black coffee' guy.</p>
<p>Naked man: I like a good breakfast.</p>
<p>Jerry: I understand, I like good breakfast. Long as you don't wind
up</p>
<p>trapped in a room with bimbo broals(?) and pigtails, been counseled
by Dick</p>
<p>Gregory.</p>
<p>Naked man: I'm not ashamed of my body.</p>
<p>Jerry: That's your problem, you should be.</p>
<p>*Naked man drops half of his newspaper*</p>
<p>Jerry: Don't get up, please, allow me.</p>
<p>*Jerry picks up the paper*</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Elaine is still trapped in a stopped train.*</p>
<p>Elaine's voice: Oh, this is great. This is what I need, just what
I need.</p>
<p>Ok, take it easy I'm sure it's nothing. Probably rats on the track,
we're</p>
<p>stopping for rats. God, it's so crowded. How can there be so many
people?</p>
<p>This guy really smells, doesn't anyone use deodorant in the city?
What is</p>
<p>so hard, you take the cap off, you roll it on. What's that? I feel</p>
<p>something rubbing against me. Disgusting animals, these people
should be in</p>
<p>a gage. We are in a gage. What if I miss the wedding? I got the
ring.</p>
<p>What'll they do? You can't get married without the ring. Oh, I
can't</p>
<p>breath, I feel faint. Take it easy, it'll start moving soon. Think
about</p>
<p>the people on the concentration camps, what they went through.
And</p>
<p>hostages, what would you do if you were a hostage? Think about
that. This</p>
<p>is nothing. No, it's not nothing, it's something. It's a nightmare!
Help</p>
<p>me! Move it! Com'on move this fu(beep) thing!! Why isn't it moving?!?
What</p>
<p>can go wrong with a train!?! It's on tracks, there's no traffic!
How can a</p>
<p>train get stuck. Step on the gas!! What could it be? You'de think
the</p>
<p>conductor would explain it to us? 'I'm sorry there's a delay we'll
be</p>
<p>moving in 5 minutes'!! I wanna hear a voice. What's that on my
leg?!!</p>
<p>*Lights in the train go off*</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*George and the woman step in to a hotel room.*</p>
<p>George: Are you often on business trip? Nice...oh, hey nice ice-bucket.</p>
<p>Woman: Make your-self comfortable.</p>
<p>*She steps in to bathroom.*</p>
<p>George's voice: Make myself comfortable. What does that mean? Does
she want</p>
<p>me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What
if I take my</p>
<p>clothes off and she still has hers' on? Then I really look like
an idiot.</p>
<p>She could get offended and leave. So maybe I should leave them
on, but what</p>
<p>then if she takes her off? Then she'll feel humiliated. 'Make yourself</p>
<p>comfortable'. I got this unbelievable woman and this 'comfortable'-thing</p>
<p>can ruin me. I got it! I take my shoes off and sit on the bed.
There,</p>
<p>that's comfortable. She can't accuse me being unconvertible.</p>
<p>*She comes out from the bathroom, wearing a nightie.*</p>
<p>George: Gotta tell you I'm pretty comfortable.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Kramer is in the &quot;Off-track betting&quot; office. He is talking
with a guy</p>
<p>behind in the line.*</p>
<p>Kramer: Oh yeah, it's all set. They got the bug boy on him.</p>
<p>Guy: The bug boy.</p>
<p>Kramer: Yeah, the little father has run his hard out. They're gonna
break</p>
<p>his maiden.</p>
<p>Guy: Really? But, it's a little bit slow out there it rained last
night.</p>
<p>Kramer: Oh, this baby loves the slob, loves it, eats it up. Eats
the slob.</p>
<p>Born in the slob. His father was a mudda'.</p>
<p>Guy: His father was a mudda'?</p>
<p>Kramer: His mother was a mudda'.</p>
<p>Guy: His mother was a mudda'?</p>
<p>Kramer: What did I just say?</p>
<p>*Kramer gets to the cashier*</p>
<p>Kramer: Hey,all right, 600 Pappanick to win.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Jerry's train*</p>
<p>FG: They still have no pitching. Goodin's a question mahk. ...You
don't recover from those rotator cuffs so fast.</p>
<p>JS: I'm not worried about their best pitching. They got pitching.
...They got no hitting. </p>
<p>FG: No hitting? They got hitting! Bonilla, Murry. ...They got no
defence.</p>
<p>JS: Defence? Please. ...They need speed.</p>
<p>FG: Speed? They got Coleman. ...They need a bullpen.</p>
<p>JS: Franco's no good? ...They got no team leaders. </p>
<p>FG: They got Franco! ...What they need is a front office.</p>
<p>JS: But you gotta like their chances.</p>
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>FG: I LUV their chances.</p>
<p>JS: Tell you what. If they win the penant I'll sit naked with you
at the World Series.</p>
<p>FG: It's a deal!</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Elaine is in a stopped train with no lights.*</p>
<p>Elaine's voice: Why couldn't I take a cab. For 6 dollars my whole
life</p>
<p>could've changed. What is that on my leg? I'll never get out of
here. What</p>
<p>if I'm here for the rest of my life? Maybe I'll get out in 5 seconds.
1</p>
<p>banana, 2 banana, 3 banana, 4 banana, 5 banana...no, I'm still
here! Still</p>
<p>here! Why don't they start moving? Move! Move!! Move!!! *Train
starts</p>
<p>moving, lights get back on* It's moving! It's moving! Yes! Yes!!
*Train</p>
<p>stops again and lights go off* Motherf(beep-beep)!!!</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*George and the beautiful woman are still in the hotel room. The
woman is</p>
<p>putting handcuffs on George and the other end to the backboard
of the bed.*</p>
<p>George: Eh, gee, I hope you have the key for these things.</p>
<p>Woman: Oh, don't worry. I do.</p>
<p>*She steps in to the bathroom*</p>
<p>George: You know, my mother used to walk around on our apartment
just in</p>
<p>her bra and panties. She didn't look anything like you, she was
really</p>
<p>disgusting, really bad body. If you could imagine uglier and fatter
version</p>
<p>of Shirley Booth. Remember Shirley Booth from Hazel. Really embarrassing,</p>
<p>cause you know I had only mother in the whole neighborhood who
was worse</p>
<p>looking than Hazel. Imagine the taunts I would hear.</p>
<p>Woman: Like what?</p>
<p>George: Like a &quot;Hey your mother is uglier than Hazel. Hazel
really puts</p>
<p>your mother to shame&quot;</p>
<p>*She comes out of the bathroom fully clothed*</p>
<p>George: What's going on?</p>
<p>Woman: It was a pleasure doing business with you George, but I'm
afraid I</p>
<p>have to get going.</p>
<p>George: Get going? But we haven't really, you know....</p>
<p>Woman: Eight dollars? Eight dollars?</p>
<p>George: What are you doing? You're robbing me?</p>
<p>Women: I wasted my whole morning with you for eight dollars?</p>
<p>George: Wait, wait a second, what are you doing?</p>
<p>Woman: I'm taking your clothes.</p>
<p>George: No, that's my only suit. It cost me 350 dollars. I got
it at Moe Ginsburg .</p>
<p>Woman: Bye George.</p>
<p>George: No wait, you can't just leave me here! Will I see you again?</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*Kramer is in the &quot;Off-track betting&quot; office. The race
is on and Pappanick</p>
<p>is slowly making ground*</p>
<p>*Kramer is pounding himself imitating the jockey and shouts: Yes,
yes,</p>
<p>yes...</p>
<p>*The winner is Pappanick*</p>
<p>Kramer: Yes! Yes! I won, hey (shouts to cashier)</p>
<p>*Kramer collects the winnings. A big pile of cash. Shows the money
around.</p>
<p>There is a big thug looking at the money.*</p>
<p>*Kramer goes into the subway and sees that the thug followed him.
He makes</p>
<p>a run for it. Thug follows. Kramer steps out of the train and so
does the</p>
<p>thug. Kramer tries to jump back on the train, but door closes.*</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>*The naked man has put his clothes back on and he and Jerry are
getting of</p>
<p>the train.*</p>
<p>(Naked) man: I haven't had a hotdog at Nathan's for 20 years.</p>
<p>Jerry: First we ride the cyclone.</p>
<p>(Naked) man: Chilly out.</p>
<p>*Jerry takes a deep breath*</p>
<p>Jerry: Aah, French fries.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Kramer is running away from the thug and enters the train where
the blind</p>
<p>violinist is playing. Kramer knocks down the violin player and
the thug</p>
<p>picks Kramer up and looks for the money.*</p>
<p>Thug: Give me the money. Give me the money!</p>
<p>Blind violin player puts a gun to the thug's head and says: &quot;Freeze,</p>
<p>Police!&quot;</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Back to the Monk's caf. Jerry, Kramer and Elaine are sitting in
a booth.</p>
<p>Jerry: No, I never got the car. We were having such a good time,
by the</p>
<p>time I got to the police garage, it was closed.</p>
<p>Elaine: Too bad.</p>
<p>Jerry: You wouldn't believe what this guy put away at Nathan's.
Look at</p>
<p>what we won!</p>
<p>*Waves around a stuffed monkey*</p>
<p>Jerry: You want him?</p>
<p>Elaine: Get that out of my face.</p>
<p>Jerry: So, you missed the wedding. You'll catch the bris!</p>
<p>*George enters wearing a sheet.*</p>
<p>A young man at the counter yells: Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna!</p>
<p>George: How would you like a 'Hare Krishna' fist on your throat,
you little</p>
<p>punk?</p>
<p>Elaine: George?</p>
<p>Jerry: Biff, what did you whistle on the elevator?</p>
<p>George: You have my spare-key in your apartment, right?</p>
<p>Jerry: Yeah, it's in the kitchen drawer.</p>
<p>George: Give me your key, I gotta get it.</p>
<p>Kramer: What happened?</p>
<p>George: Never mind what happened, just give me the key.</p>
<p>Jerry: Come on, I'll go with you.</p>
<p>Elaine: Here, pay. (Gives the check to Jerry)</p>
<p>Kramer: Wait, wait, wait...</p>
<p>*Kramer gets the check, looks at it and gets pile of cash and pays.
Jerry</p>
<p>and Elaine look amazed.*</p>
<p>******************************************</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
</div>
<!-- content -->
<div id="navBar">
<div id="upperBox">
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
google_ad_width = 200;
google_ad_height = 200;
//-->
</script>
<script type="text/javascript"
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
</script>
</div>
<div class="leftnav"><br />
<ul>
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
<div>
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
</div>
</form>
</ul>
<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&amp;lang=en"></script>
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
google_ad_width = 160;
google_ad_height = 600;
//-->
</script>
<script type='text/javascript'>
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
}
</script>
<p &nbsp;></p>
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<script type="text/javascript">
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
var bannerSize = 2300;
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&amp;b=119192\&amp;m=16934\&amp;afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&amp;urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
}
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&amp;b=119192\&amp;m=16934\&amp;afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&amp;urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
}
}
</script>
</div>
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
<!--
function noSpam(user,domain) {
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
window.location = locationstring;
}
-->
</script>
<div class="footer">
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
</div>
</div>
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
<script type='text/javascript'>
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
</script>
<script type='text/javascript'>
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
}
</script>
<script type="text/javascript">
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
(function() {
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
})();
</script></body>
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>