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<h1>The Suicide</h1>
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<br>
Transcribed by: The News Guy(Mike)<br>
Corrections will be done by: Dan Coogan<br>
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site <br>
<small>(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits
as two lines above are included - Thanks)</small></p>
<p><br>
Cast:<br>
Gina Gallego [ Gina ]<br>
Mimi Lieber [ Rula ]<br>
C.E. Grimes [ Martin ]<br>
Howard Schecter [ Doctor ]<br>
Aimee Aro [ Faithy ]<br>
Peggy Lane O'Rourke [ Nurse ] </p>
<p><em>Broadcast: 29 Jan 92<br>
Written by: Tom Leopold <br>
Directed by: Tom Cherones</em> <br>
<br>
Monologue<br>
The thing I don&#146;t understand about the suicide person is the people
who try and commit suicide for some reason they don&#146;t die and that&#146;s
it. They stop trying. Why? Why don&#146;t they just keep trying? What
has changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact it&#146;s worse
because now they&#146;ve found out one more thing you stink at. Okay,
that&#146;s why these people don&#146;t succeed in life to begin with.
Because they give up too easy. I saw, pills don&#146;t work, try a rope.
Car won&#146;t start in the garage, get a tune up. You know what I mean?
There&#146;s nothing more rewarding than reaching a goal you have set
for yourself. </p>
<p>[Jerry&#146;s Apartment]</p>
<p>JERRY: Let me ask you a question. If you named a kid Rasputin do you
think that would have a negative effect on his life?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Na.</p>
<p>JERRY: What are you doing? We&#146;re going out for dinner in ten minutes.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Do you realize this is the last meal I am going to have for three
days?</p>
<p>[buzzer]</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
<p>GEORGE: It&#146;s George.</p>
<p>JERRY: Come on up. . . . I never heard of this. You&#146;ve got to fast
for three days to take an ulcer test. How you gonna do that?</p>
<p>ELAINE: I don&#146;t know. How could I possibly have ulcers? Who could
have given me ulcers?</p>
<p>JERRY: I think I&#146;ll take out the garbage.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hey, have you ever fasted?</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, once I didn&#146;t have dinner until, like 9:00 o&#146;clock,
that was pretty rough. [exits to hall with garbage &#150; meets George]
Hey, do me a favour will ya&#146;? Throw out my garbage for me.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, right.</p>
<p>JERRY: Come on, it&#146;s just down the hall.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Give me two bucks. I&#146;ll do it for two bucks.</p>
<p>JERRY: I&#146;ll give you 50 cents.</p>
<p>GEORGE: There&#146;s no way I touch that bag for less than two dollars.</p>
<p>JERRY: Come on. Fifty cents. &lt;??&gt; a piece of Drake&#146;s coffee
cake</p>
<p>GEORGE: You&#146;re not getting no Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake for fifty
cents. Yae, Hey, I&#146;m all set. I got the ticket. I&#146;m going to
the Cayman Islands this Friday.</p>
<p>JERRY: I don&#146;t get you. Who goes on vacation without a job? What
do you need a break from getting up at eleven?</p>
<p>GEORGE: It&#146;s an incredible deal. I don&#146;t know why you don&#146;t
come with me.</p>
<p>JERRY: Nah, I don&#146;t go for these non-refundable deals. I can&#146;t
commit to a woman. I&#146;m not going to commit to an airline.</p>
<p>[Gina enters the hall]</p>
<p>GINA: Hi.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hi.</p>
<p>GINA: How are you?</p>
<p>JERRY: Gina, do you know what a Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake is?</p>
<p>GINA: Of course, the plane cake with the sweet brown crumbs on the top.</p>
<p>JERRY: How much do they cost?</p>
<p>GINA: The junior?</p>
<p>GEORGE: No, no the full size.</p>
<p>JERRY: No, no the junior.</p>
<p>GEORGE: You didn&#146;t say &quot;junior&quot;.</p>
<p>GINA: I haven&#146;t had one of those since I was a little girl.</p>
<p>JERRY: Really? You should be ashamed of yourself. I want you out of here!
[MARTIN enters the hall] How ya&#146; doing?</p>
<p>MARTIN: Good enough.</p>
<p>[MARTIN leaves with Gina]</p>
<p>JERRY: Boy she&#146;s sexy isn&#146;t she?</p>
<p>[Jerry leaves garbage bag by Kramer&#146;s apartment and knocks on the
door. As he and George enter Jerry&#146;s apartment Kramer comes out and
takes the garbage bag.]</p>
<p>JERRY: Do you believe that guy?</p>
<p>ELAINE: What guy?</p>
<p>JERRY: My neighbour:</p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh, that creepy guy?</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah, did he think I was flirting with her?</p>
<p>GEORGE: He didn&#146;t seem too pleased.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Maybe I&#146;ll get a steak with french fried onion wings.</p>
<p>GEORGE: hey, you know what? I just remembered something. I had a dream
about that guy last night. This is amazing. </p>
<p>JERRY: What&#146;s so amazing? You&#146;ve seen him before.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I haven&#146;t seen him for months.</p>
<p>JERRY: What was the dream?</p>
<p>GEORGE: I was doing standup comedy in Kennebunkport Maine. ??? night
club. The stage was on a cliff and the audience was throwing all the comics
off.</p>
<p>JERRY: I think I&#146;ve played there.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I&#146;ve had a lot of other paranormal stuff happen to me.</p>
<p>JERRY: You&#146;re a little paranormal </p>
<p>ELAINE: Hey, George, you know my friend goes to a psychic.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Really?</p>
<p>ELAINE: Uh uh, you should go some time. </p>
<p>GEORGE: I&#146;d love to go. Make an appointment.</p>
<p>JERRY: Psychics, vacations. How about getting a job? </p>
<p>GEORGE: I just got fired.</p>
<p>JERRY: Alright, come on, lets get out of here.</p>
<p>ELAINE: I wonder what Ghandi ate before his fast.</p>
<p>JERRY: I heard he used to polish off a box of Triscuits. </p>
<p>ELAINE: Really?</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, yeah. Ghandi loved Triscuits. </p>
<p>[They exit]</p>
<p>[Jerry&#146;s apartment late at night there is knocking at the door]</p>
<p>JERRY: Who is it? Who is it?</p>
<p>GINA: It&#146;s Gina.</p>
<p>JERRY: Who?</p>
<p>GINA: Martine&#146;s girl friend. </p>
<p>JERRY: Martine?</p>
<p>GINA: You next door neighbour.</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, Martin!</p>
<p>[Jerry opens door]</p>
<p>GEORGE: It&#146;s Martine. I think he&#146;s dying. He tried to kill
himself with pills.</p>
<p>JERRY: What? </p>
<p>GINA: Come on.</p>
<p>JERRY: In my pajamas? I better get my robe.</p>
<p>GINA: We don&#146;t have enough time. </p>
<p>JERRY: It&#146;ll take two seconds.</p>
<p>GINA: There is no time.</p>
<p>JERRY: We don&#146;t have two seconds?</p>
<p>GINA: All right. Go ahead.</p>
<p>JERRY: Nah, forget it.</p>
<p>GINA: No, go ahead.</p>
<p>JERRY: Nah. I&#146;ll just wear the pajamas.</p>
<p>GINA: Will you just get it.</p>
<p>JERRY: Are you sure?</p>
<p>GINA: Forget it. Come on.</p>
<p>JERRY: Nah, I&#146;ll go get the robe. </p>
<p>[Metropolitan Hospital Center]</p>
<p>JERRY: That&#146;s not too bad. It&#146;s not like a Sunny von Bulow
comma. The doctor said he should snap out of it anytime. </p>
<p>GINA: You know why he did this? Because I told him it was over. I did
not want to see him anymore.</p>
<p>JERRY: Really? It&#146;s over?</p>
<p>GINA: I could not stand it another minute. Yesterday he turned over a
man&#146;s hot dog stand because he thought the man was looking at me.
And then after he saw you in the hall. Ach, he was crazy with jealousy.
</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh boy, did he say anything about me?</p>
<p>GINA: He does not like you. And all indications are he does not like
Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake.</p>
<p>JERRY: He said that?</p>
<p>GINA: He was screaming about it all night. How it&#146;s too sweet and
it falls apart when you eat it. </p>
<p>JERRY: I&#146;m sorry if I caused any trouble. I was just being friendly.
</p>
<p>GINA: I wasn&#146;t.</p>
<p>JERRY: You weren&#146;t?</p>
<p>GINA: No, I have thought about you many times. Have you thought about
me?</p>
<p>JERRY: Of course.</p>
<p>GINA: Tell me everything.</p>
<p>JERRY: Are you sure he can&#146;t hear anything? . . .MARTIN, MARTIN.</p>
<p>GINA: I wish he was not in a coma. I wish he was dead. I wish I could
pull the plug out from him. </p>
<p>JERRY: I, would, I would wait on that. I know how you feel but. Juries
today, you never know how they&#146;re going to look at a thing like this.</p>
<p>GINA: I saw you looking at your watch. You want to leave? Go ahead. </p>
<p>JERRY: No, I just wanted to see what time it was. </p>
<p>GINA: Are you afraid of him? </p>
<p>JERRY: No.</p>
<p>GINA: Then kiss me.</p>
<p>JERRY: Here?</p>
<p>GINA: Yes, right here.</p>
<p>JERRY: Is this the proper venue?</p>
<p>GINA: You don&#146;t want to?</p>
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>JERRY: No, no, I want to. I, I very much want to. I, I desire to. I,
I pine to. </p>
<p>GINA: Then kiss me right in front of him.</p>
<p>JERRY: I can&#146;t. What if he wakes up?</p>
<p>GINA: A man is lying here unconscious and you&#146;re afraid of him?
What kind of a man are you? </p>
<p>JERRY: A man who respects a good comma. If it was one of those in and
out comas, maybe. But when a guy&#146;s got a coma going like this &#133;
you don&#146;t want to mess with it.</p>
<p>[Jerry&#146;s apartment]</p>
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey. </p>
<p>KRAMER: Did you hear about Martin?</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah, I heard.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I can&#146;t believe he&#146;s in a coma.</p>
<p>KRAMER: He&#146;s got my vacuum cleaner. You know I loaned it to him.
He never returned it. The carpets are filthy. What am I going to do? </p>
<p>JERRY: Who told you about Martin?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Newman! He&#146;s good friends with him. </p>
<p>Jx; Oh, big mouth Newman. I should have guessed. </p>
<p>KRAMER: He&#146;s got all of my attachments, you know. </p>
<p>JERRY: Hey, let me ask you something. How long do you have to wait for
a guy to come out of a coma before you can ask his ex-girlfriend out?</p>
<p>KRAMER: What, Gina? Why wait? Why not just call Doctor Kavorkian? </p>
<p>JERRY: You know I don&#146;t get that whole suicide machine. There&#146;s
no tall buildings where these people live? They can&#146;t wrap their
lips around a revolver like a normal person? </p>
<p>KRAMER: So what&#146;s going on between you and Gina?</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, I went with her to the hospital last night.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Uh, uh.</p>
<p>JERRY: So we&#146;re in the room and she&#146;s trying to get me to kiss
her right in front of him. </p>
<p>KRAMER: Uh, uh, you see that&#146;s the great thing about Mediterranean
women. All right, so what did you do?</p>
<p>JERRY: Nothing.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Ah, what kind of a man are you? The guy is unconscious in a coma
and you don&#146;t have the guts to kiss his girlfriend? </p>
<p>JERRY: I didn&#146;t know what the coma etiquette was. </p>
<p>KRAMER: There is no coma etiquette. You see that&#146;s the beauty of
the coma, man. It doesn&#146;t matter what you do around it. </p>
<p>JERRY: So you&#146;re saying, his girl, his car, his clothes, it&#146;s
all up for grabs. You can just loot the coma victim.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I&#146;d give him 24 hours to get out of it. They can&#146;t
get out of it in 24 hours, it&#146;s a land rush.</p>
<p>JERRY: So if the coma victim wakes up in a month, he&#146;s thrilled,
he got out of the coma. He goes home, there&#146;s nothing left?</p>
<p>KRAMER: NOTHING LEFT! That&#146;s why I&#146;m trying to get that vacuum
cleaner. Because somebody&#146;s going to grab it. </p>
<p>[The psychic&#146;s apartment]</p>
<p>RULA: Martin&#146;s spirit came to you as a warning.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Why would he come to George?</p>
<p>RULA: Because George has heightened extra sensory perception. FAYGY GET
YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR NOSE.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I knew it. I always felt different. </p>
<p>RULA: You are. Some coffee cake? </p>
<p>GEORGE: Drakes? </p>
<p>RULA: Yes.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Did you buy this for me?</p>
<p>RULA: No, why?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Ha, because I love Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake.</p>
<p>RULA: Maybe I did.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Take it away.</p>
<p>GEORGE: She hasn&#146;t eaten in two days.</p>
<p>RULA: Who&#146;s Pauline?</p>
<p>GEORGE: Pauline? . . . Wait a minute. I got it. My brother once impregnated
a woman named Pauline.</p>
<p>RULA: Do you think about her?</p>
<p>GEORGE: When I hear her name mentioned.</p>
<p>RULA: Cut these with your left hand.</p>
<p>GEORGE: There was a woman, Audrey. She had a very big nose.</p>
<p>RULA: I see an Audrey, but with a small nose.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yes, yes, she had a nose job. I loved her very deeply. Will she
ever speak to me again?</p>
<p>RULA: Not in this life. </p>
<p>ELAINE: Should you be smoking?</p>
<p>RULA: Does it bother you?</p>
<p>ELAINE: You&#146;re pregnant.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Elaine.</p>
<p>RULA: I smoked when I had Faisy. </p>
<p>RULA: Ah oh.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Ah oh? What? What Ah oh?</p>
<p>RULA: I don&#146;t know about this trip George.</p>
<p>GEORGE: You can see the Cayman Islands in there? Is something going to
happen to me? What?</p>
<p>ELAINE: It&#146;s really bad for the fetus. Do you know that.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Elaine, she&#146;s a psychic. She knows how the kid&#146;s going
to be. </p>
<p>GEORGE: Should I not go on this trip?</p>
<p>RULA: George, I am going to tell you something and I want you to really
hear me.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Now listen. I just don&#146;t know how a person, with everything
we now know about pre-natal care can put a cigarette in her mouth. </p>
<p>GEORGE: Elaine, what are you doing?</p>
<p>ELAINE: It&#146;s disgusting.</p>
<p>RULA: I DON&#146;T BELIVE IT. I would like you both to leave. </p>
<p>ELAINE: Oh fine, I don&#146;t like to be around people who are just so
irresponsible.</p>
<p>RULA: Get the hell out.</p>
<p>[Elaine leaving]<br>
GEORGE: A plane crash? A Heart attack? Lupus? Is it Lupus?</p>
<p>RULA: Do you want me to call the super? He was an Israeli commando.</p>
<p>GEORGE: If you don&#146;t say anything I will assume it&#146;s a plane
crash.</p>
<p>RULA: Get out.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Not a plane crash. [leaving] Is it a plane crash?</p>
<p>[Jerry&#146;s apartment]</p>
<p>GINA: I do not like your toothbrush. There are no bristles. </p>
<p>JERRY: You can say what you want about me but I&#146;ll be damned if
I&#146;m going to stand here while you insult my toothbrush. </p>
<p>GINA: It is too small for someone with such a big mouth [kisses Kerry].
Let me ask you. What will you do if Martine wakes up? Run away like a
mouse?</p>
<p>JERRY: No, more like the Three Stooges at the end of every movie.</p>
<p>GINA: Who are these Stooges you speak of?</p>
<p>JERRY: They&#146;re a comedy team.</p>
<p>GINA: Tell me about them. Everything.</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, they&#146;re three kind of funny looking guys and they hit
each other a lot.</p>
<p>GINA: You will show me The Stooges?</p>
<p>JERRY: I will show you The Stooges.</p>
<p>GINA: When?</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, I don&#146;t really know where The Stooges are right now
but if I locate them you will be the first to know.</p>
<p>GINA: Come, you walk me to a cab.</p>
<p>JERRY: Well, uh, I uh, I don&#146;t want you to get upset or anything
but uh, with Martin and all, well maybe it&#146;s not such a good idea
for us to be seen together in the building, because, you know, he had
a lot of friends here.</p>
<p>GINA: You&#146;re still afraid. You are not a man.</p>
<p>JERRY: Well then what are all those ties and sport jackets doing in my
closet?</p>
<p>GINA: Are you going to walk me to a cab or not?</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah, all right. All right.</p>
<p>[Jerry and Gina meet Kramer and leaving his apartment with Newman]</p>
<p>KRAMER: You should just eat fruit. </p>
<p>NEWMAN: I can&#146;t eat fruit. It makes me incontinent.</p>
<p>KRAMER: ???</p>
<p>NEWMAN: Hello Gina. Hello Jerry.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hello Newman.</p>
<p>[Metropolitan Hospital Center - Hallway]</p>
<p>JERRY: Do you think Newman would tell Martin if he wakes up? What kind
of sicko would do that? He could kill me.</p>
<p>GEORGE: People smoke, Elaine. My mother smoked. It didn&#146;t hurt me.</p>
<p>ELAINE: [jumps with fear to Jerry] Did you see that wall move?</p>
<p>JERRY: Boy, it&#146;s a good thing we came.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Could there be a native p0roblem in the Caymans? Maybe there&#146;s
native unrest.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Hi, I haven&#146;t eaten in three days. I was wondering how much
longer it would be until I get my X-ray.</p>
<p>Nurse: We&#146;ll call you.</p>
<p>JERRY: George, I want you to promise me something. If I&#146;m ever in
a comma. In the first 24 hours get everything out of my apartment and
put it in storage. </p>
<p>GEORGE: How come?</p>
<p>JERRY: Looters.</p>
<p>ELAINE: How do we know that dog food is any good? Who tastes it? </p>
<p>JERRY: She&#146;s really hungry.</p>
<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
<p>ELAINE: Kramer</p>
<p>KRAMER: Well, Newman&#146;s upstairs visiting Martin. </p>
<p>GEORGE: Would you buy my Cayman Island ticket?</p>
<p>KRAMER: You&#146;re not going?</p>
<p>GEORGE: No.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Why not?</p>
<p>GEORGE: The psychic said something terrible will happen.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I dig. </p>
<p>[Metropolitan Hospital Center - Martin&#146;s room]</p>
<p>KRAMER: I want my vacuum cleaner! I know you can hear me. Look my mother,
she&#146;s going to come and visit me. She sees that rug, she&#146;s going
to kill me.</p>
<p>W: He can&#146;t hear you, you idiot. Why don&#146;t you just buy another
one. </p>
<p>KRAMER: Why would I buy another one when I spent a hundred bucks on this
one?</p>
<p>W: I have a carpet sweeper you can use.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I don&#146;t want a carpet sweeper. They don&#146;t do anything.
</p>
<p>W: It gets my rug clean. </p>
<p>KRAMER: The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American
public since One Hour Martinizing.</p>
<p>W: Well, you should take a look at my rug then.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I wouldn&#146;t set foot in your house.</p>
<p>[Jerry enters]</p>
<p>JERRY: Hello.</p>
<p>NEWMAN: Hello Jerry.</p>
<p>JERRY: How&#146;s he doing? </p>
<p>KRAMER: He looks happy to me.</p>
<p>NEWMAN: I hope he stays this happy when he wakes up.</p>
<p>JERRY: Why wouldn&#146;t he?</p>
<p>NEWMAN: No reason.</p>
<p>JERRY: He&#146;ll have a lot of catching up to do, I guess. </p>
<p>NEWMAN: I&#146;ll bring him up to date.</p>
<p>JERRY: How up to date?</p>
<p>NEWMAN: Oh, all the way up.</p>
<p>JERRY: And nothing could change your mind? </p>
<p>NEWMAN: Well, it would take a hell of a lot. Because a friend is something
you earn.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Okay, Jerry has a friend who has free tickets to the Cayman Islands
for this weekend. He&#146;s not going. </p>
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
<p>NEWMAN: I don&#146;t care much for the beach. I freckle. . . . Is that
a,..</p>
<p>JERRY: Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake </p>
<p>NEWMAN: Wow, where did you get that?</p>
<p>JERRY: From my house. I got a whole box of them. </p>
<p>NEWMAN: Boy, that&#146;s the full size.</p>
<p>JERRY: That&#146;s your big boy.</p>
<p>NEWMAN: Can I have a bite?</p>
<p>JERRY: I don&#146;t give out bites. I got another one. But I&#146;m saving
it for later. </p>
<p>NEWMAN: Just one bite?</p>
<p>JERRY: I don&#146;t think so. You know they, they&#146;re so fragile.
</p>
<p>NEWMAN: All right! All right. I won&#146;t say anything. </p>
<p>JERRY: You swear?</p>
<p>NEWMAN: I swear.</p>
<p>JERRY: On your mother&#146;s life?</p>
<p>NEWMAN: On my mother&#146;s life.</p>
<p>KRAMER: oh oh oh oh oh</p>
<p>NEWMAN: Oooh, </p>
<p>[Metropolitan Hospital Center - Hallway]</p>
<p>ELAINE: And there it was, mountains of duck. And not fatty duck either,
but juicy tender breasts of duck. </p>
<p>[George sees the Psychic&#146;s girl, Faisy and follows her into the
Psychic&#146;s room]]</p>
<p>GEORGE: &#133;sweetheart, no come here, &#133; sweetheart</p>
<p>RULA: pew, pew, pew, pew (breathing)</p>
<p>GEORGE: how did I know you were here? Something drew me here. This is
phenomenal. </p>
<p>RULA: The nurse said she would be right back. They&#146;re supposed to
take me into the delivery room. </p>
<p>GEORGE: Oh, that&#146;s great. That&#146;s great. By the way I have to
apologize for my friend the other day. Friend? Uh, uh I don&#146;t even
know that woman. I met her on the bus on the way over. I couldn&#146;t
get rid of her. Uh, My psychic instincts were a little off ..</p>
<p>RULA: Oh, where&#146;s the nurse</p>
<p>GEORGE: I don&#146;t know where the nurse is. Sweetheart why don&#146;t
you get a nurse for mommy? &#133; Anyway I was just curious. Remember
the other day you were saying something about my trip. </p>
<p>RULA: Don&#146;t take that trip.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, why? Why? </p>
<p>RULA: &lt;screams&gt; EEEY, beegit, beegit beegit.</p>
<p>[Doctor enters]</p>
<p>Dx: All right, Rula, it&#146;s time to go.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Because? Because?</p>
<p>[Elaine enters Martins room]</p>
<p>ELAINE: Assassins! How dare they keep a person waiting like this! &#133;
Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake? &#133; Give me that.</p>
<p>NEWMAN: Jerry, you better stop her or I&#146;ll tell.</p>
<p>JERRY: Elaine! No! No!</p>
<p>MARTIN: Ooooh, ahhhh, </p>
<p>[In hallway as they wheel Rula to give birth]</p>
<p>GEORGE: Are there terrorists on the plane? A hotel fire. Is that it?
Malaria? Yellow fever? Lupus? Is it Lupus?</p>
<p>[Martin&#146;s room &#150; Martin grabbing Jerry &#150; Elaine eating
the Drake&#146;s Coffee Cake]</p>
<p>NEWMAN: He did it right in this bed, Martin. Right in front of you.</p>
<p>KRAMER: I want my vacuum cleaner!</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey!</p>
<p>NEWMAN: It was disgusting.</p>
<p>[Jerry&#146;s apartment]</p>
<p>JERRY: What are you doing? We&#146;re going out to dinner in ten minutes.</p>
<p>GEORGE: I never assisted in a birth before. It&#146;s really quite disgusting.
</p>
<p>JERRY: What did she name the kid?</p>
<p>GEORGE: You wouldn&#146;t believe it. Rasputin.</p>
<p>[Kramer enters]</p>
<p>KRAMER: Heey!</p>
<p>GEORGE: Hey.</p>
<p>JERRY: Hey.</p>
<p>GEORGE: when did you get back?</p>
<p>KRAMER: A couple of hours ago.</p>
<p>GEORGE: So how was it?</p>
<p>KRAMER: George, I would like to thank you for the greatest four days
I ever spent in my life.</p>
<p>JERRY: osh.</p>
<p>KRAMER: They were shooting the Sports Illustrated swim suit issue right
in the hotel pool.</p>
<p>JERRY: Woah. [hitting George]</p>
<p>KRAMER: Not only that but at the hotel they opened up this area on the
beach for nude bathing and all of the Sports Illustrated models went down
there.</p>
<p>JERRY: Wow! [hitting George]</p>
<p>KRAMER: I was on the next blanket from Elle McPherson </p>
<p>JERRY: Oh! [hitting George]</p>
<p>KRAMER: We played Backgammon in the nude.</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh! [hitting George]</p>
<p>KRAMER: She&#146;s a sweet kid.</p>
<p>JERRY: Nude backgammon with swimsuit models!</p>
<p>KRAMER: Oh, you know what? The second day I was there I stepped on a
jellyfish. Now it kind of stung my foot. That&#146;s probably what Rula
was trying to warn you about.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Yeah, you gotta&#146; watch for the jellyfish.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Yeah.</p>
<p>KRAMER: What&#146;s this?</p>
<p>JERRY: Oh, it&#146;s an invitation to a house warming from Martin and
Gina.</p>
<p>KRAMER: They moved in together?</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah, it&#146;s some place down in the village. </p>
<p>KRAMER: Phew.</p>
<p>[buzzer]</p>
<p>JERRY: Yeah.</p>
<p>ELAINE: It&#146;s Elaine.</p>
<p>JERRY: All right we&#146;re coming down.</p>
<p>KRAMER: Hey, where ya&#146; going?</p>
<p>JERRY: We&#146;re taking Elaine to dinner. She&#146;s got to start the
fast again. Um, you want to go?</p>
<p>KRAMER: Um, I&#146;d like to but a bunch of us from the islands, we&#146;ll
be getting together.</p>
<p>GEORGE: Elle McPherson going to be there?</p>
<p>KRAMER: OH! I got to call her back.</p>
<p>[Kramer exits]</p>
<p>The End</p>
<p><br>
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site
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