995 lines
39 KiB
HTML
995 lines
39 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
|
|
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"
|
|
xmlns:og="http://opengraphprotocol.org/schema/"
|
|
xmlns:fb="http://www.facebook.com/2008/fbml"><!-- InstanceBegin template="/Templates/seinfeld.dwt" codeOutsideHTMLIsLocked="false" -->
|
|
<head>
|
|
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />
|
|
<META NAME="AUTHOR" CONTENT="Doctoroids" />
|
|
<META NAME="COPYRIGHT" CONTENT="© 2002-2010 Doctoroids" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="doctitle" -->
|
|
<title>Seinfeld Scripts - The Trip (2)</title>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<link href="support-files/seinfeld.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" />
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="docdescription" -->
|
|
<meta name="description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Trip (2). Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="dockeywords" -->
|
|
<meta name="keywords" content="the trip, seinfeld trip, seinfeld scripts, seinfeld, seinfeld episode" />
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
window.google_analytics_uacct = "UA-16472669-1";
|
|
</script>
|
|
<link rel="image_src" href="images/seinfeld-share.jpg" />
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://s7.addthis.com/js/250/addthis_widget.js#username=doctoroids">var addthis_config = {data_track_clickback: true};</script>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="head" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="pagetype" -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageType="CONTENT";
|
|
</script>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script>
|
|
|
|
<meta property="og:site_name" content="SeinfeldScripts"/>
|
|
<meta property="fb:app_id" content="164823560224402"/>
|
|
<meta property="fb:admins" content="824270386"/>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="ogdata" -->
|
|
<meta property="og:image" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/images/seinfeld-cast.jpg"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:title" content="The Trip (2)"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:type" content="tv_show"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:url" content="http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheTrip2.html"/>
|
|
<meta property="og:description" content="Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Trip (2). Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes"/>
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
|
|
</head>
|
|
<body>
|
|
<div class="wrap">
|
|
<div class="head_title">
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div id="menu">
|
|
<ul>
|
|
<!-- **** INSERT NAVIGATION ITEMS HERE (use id="selected" to identify the page you're on **** -->
|
|
|
|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Gifts</a></li>
|
|
</ul>
|
|
<div class="addthis_toolbox addthis_default_style" id="menu_share">
|
|
<li><a style="padding: 8px 3px 8px 160px" href="http://addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&username=doctoroids" class="addthis_button_compact">Share</a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_facebook"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_twitter"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_googlebuzz"></a></li>
|
|
<li><a class="addthis_button_digg"></a></li>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="underMenu">
|
|
<a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com">Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community!</a></div>
|
|
|
|
<div id="content"><!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="main_content" -->
|
|
<h1>The Trip (2)</h1>
|
|
|
|
<p><table width="300" height="250" border="0" align="left" cellpadding="0" style="margin-right:10px;">
|
|
<tr>
|
|
<td>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-in_content-top_left */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4619537930";
|
|
google_ad_width = 300;
|
|
google_ad_height = 250;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
</td>
|
|
</tr>
|
|
</table><!-- BeginAdHead --><p><strong>Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? <br />Check out our complete <a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Guide right now</a>! Including <a href="seinfeld-t-shirt.html">T-Shirts</a>, <a href="seinfeld-dvd.html">DVDs</a>, and more!</strong></p><p> </p><script src="http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"></script><fb:like show_faces="false" width="330"></fb:like><g:plusone></g:plusone><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p align="center">Transcribed by Juha Auvinen<br>
|
|
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site <br>
|
|
<small>(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits
|
|
as two lines above are included - Thanks)</small></p>
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <br>
|
|
Written by: Larry Charles <br>
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <br>
|
|
Episode no. 42 <br>
|
|
pc: 402, season 4, episode 2 <br>
|
|
Broadcast date: August 18, 1992 <br>
|
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The Cast <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Regulars: <br>
|
|
Jerry Seinfeld...................... Jerry Seinfeld <br>
|
|
Jason Alexander.................. George Costanza <br>
|
|
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.............. Elaine Benes <br>
|
|
Michael Richards................. Cosmo Kramer <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guest Stars: <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Peter Murnik...................Lt. Martel <br>
|
|
Elmarie Wendel...............Helene <br>
|
|
Marty Rackham............. Officer #1 <br>
|
|
Peter Parros.................. Officer #2 <br>
|
|
Vaughn Armstrong......... Lt. Coleman <br>
|
|
Clint Howard................. Tobias Lehigh Nagy <br>
|
|
Steve Greenstein.............Man <br>
|
|
Kerry Leigh Michaels......Woman <br>
|
|
Keith Morrison................Newscaster (Himself) <br>
|
|
Peggy Lane O'Rourke.....Reporter #1 <br>
|
|
Deck McKenzie..............Reporter #2 <br>
|
|
Steve Dougherty..............Prison Guard <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
OPENING MONOLOGUE <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
There are many different job in the police. It seems to me, that the chalk outline
|
|
guy is one of the better jobs that you can get. You know it's not dangerous,
|
|
the criminals are long gone, that seems like a good one. I don't know who they
|
|
are, I guess they're people who wanted to be a sketch artists, but they couldn't
|
|
draw too well..."listen Johnson, forget the sketches. Do you think if we
|
|
left a dead body right there on the sidewalk, you could manage to trace around
|
|
it? Could you do that?". I don't even know how it helps to solve the crime?
|
|
You know, they look at the thing on the ground..."aah his arm was like
|
|
that when he hit the pavement. That means the killer must've been Jim." <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
OPENING SCENE <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE AND JERRY ARE IN A CAR. GEORGE IS GRABBING JERRY'S ARM <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: He's on the lamb(?), he's on the loose! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Would you let go of my arm?! I'm trying to drive, you're getting us both
|
|
killed! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What are we supposed to do? What do you do on a situation like this?
|
|
Should we call a lawyer, should we call the police? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Obviously we're gonna call the police and tell that he's not the guy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hope he's not the guy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Couldn't be the guy...nah. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: God, I'm starved, I'm weak from hunger. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How can you think of food at the time like this? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Time like what? I'm hungry. My stomach doesn't know that Kramer's wanted. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I told you to have breakfast, you should've had breakfast! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I couldn't have breakfast, it was lunchtime! The three hour time difference
|
|
threw me. I wanted a tuna fish sandwich, they wouldn't serve me tuna fish sandwich,
|
|
because they were only serving breakfast. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: You should've had some eggs. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: For lunch? Who eats eggs for lunch? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Have you ever heard of egg salad? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Why didn't you say something then? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I've gotta to tell you about existence of egg salad? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I need food, Jerry. I feel faint, I'm getting light headed. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I've gotta call the police, there's a pay phone over there. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Pay phone in L.A., look it's a miracle. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CUT TO KRAMER SINGING IN A SHOWER FOLLOWED BY A FALLING SOUND <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
BACK TO GEORGE AND JERRY ON THE STREET <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I don't have any change. You've got any change? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: No, I don't have any change. I never carry change. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, we need change and all I have is twenties. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I have a ten. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So, break it. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I hate asking for change. They always make a face. Like I'm asking them
|
|
to donate a kidney. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So, buy something. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I don't know, some mints or TicTacs. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Breath problem? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, I just want some change. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Tell me. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Your breath is fine. It's delightful, it's delicious. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You know, I haven't eaten anything. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I just wanna call the police! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Why don't you just call 911? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: But is this an emergency? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Of course it is. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How is this an emergency? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Your friend is been accused of being a serial killer. I think that qualifies. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: All right, I'll call 911. Think he did it? Could've he done it? Couldn't
|
|
done it? How could've he done it? Couldn't be? Could it? Hello 911? How are
|
|
you? I'm sorry it was just a reflex...I know it's an emergency number...it is
|
|
an emergency...my friend is being accused of being a smog strangler and I know
|
|
he didn't do it...they're putting me trough to the detective in charge of the
|
|
investigation...what is my name? Who am I? I'm eh...George Costanza... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What's the matter with you? Are you crazy? Why are you using my name?! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, don't be a baby! What are you scared of? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What am I scared of? I'm scared of the same thing that you are, everything!
|
|
Why don't you just use your own name? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Your name is a good name, Costanza. Sounds like it's stands for something,
|
|
they'll believe us. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Really? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Sure. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You think so? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh yeah. Yes I have some very important information regarding the smog
|
|
strangler. [George leans close] would you suck a mint or something. Can I come
|
|
right now? I suppose, where are you located? Where is that? I don't know where
|
|
we are. Where are we? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I don't know. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We don't know. He says ask somebody, ask that guy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Excuse me, where are we? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Man: Earth. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey, you know I'm on the phone with the police! Some guy just gave me
|
|
a wise answer. Ask that woman. <br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Excuse me Ms. which street are we on? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Woman: I don't know. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You don't know? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Woman: I don't know. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: How come you don't know what street are you on? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Woman: You don't know. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: George, it says it here on the phone. It's 12145 Ventura Boulevard. Aha,
|
|
ok...do we know where the 101 is? [George shakes his head] No...do we know where
|
|
170 is? [George shakes his head] No...do we know where 134 is? [George just
|
|
looks at Jerry] No. Aha, ok. [Jerry hangs up] He's gonna send a black and white
|
|
to pick us up. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Police car rolls by the sidewalk and stops. The police listens their conversation.] <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Black and white? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: A cop car. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Why didn't you just say that? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I thought it sounded kind of cool. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh yeah, real cool. You're a cool guy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, you are? I guaranty you, Lupe is going to tuck your covers in. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'll bet you, how much? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Her tip. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You've got a bet. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Ok. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: How much do you tip a chamber maid? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Police: Which one of you is Costanza? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Jerry and George point at each other.] <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Police: Get in. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hi, how are you guys? Listen, does either one of you have like a mint
|
|
or piece of gum or... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER IS SHAVING. HE SNEEZES AND GETS SHAVING CREAM ON THE MIRROR <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
BACK TO THE POLICE CAR WITH JERRY, GEORGE AND TWO COPS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Jerry, would you do me a favor, close the window. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY SEARCHES FOR THE HANDLE, BUT CAN'T FIND ONE <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hey, get out of here...hey officer, he's fooling around back here. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Cut it up back there. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: He started it. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I did not. You guys gonna go through some red lights? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: I don't think so. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: But you could? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Oh yeah, of course we could. We can do anything we want. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: We could drive on the wrong side of the road. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Yeah, we do that all the time. You should see the looks on people's faces. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: Shoot people... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You guys ever shot anybody? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cops: No... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hey, can I flip on the siren? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Why are you bothering them for? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'm just asking, all they have to do is say no. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Yeah, go ahead. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE TRIES THE SIREN. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Wohoo, check it out. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Can I try it? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Yeah, go ahead, hurry up. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY TRIES THE SIREN <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Scared the hell out of that guy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You know what I never understood? Why did they change the siren noise?
|
|
When I was a kid it was always "waaaa, waaaa", you know now it "woo-woo-woo-woo-woo".
|
|
Why did they do that, did they do some research? Did they find that woo-woo
|
|
was more effective than waa? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, what about those English sirens, you know...eee-aaa-eee-aaa-eee-aaa... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry and George: Eee-aaa-eee-aaa-eee-aaa... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Hey! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER IS COMBING HIS HAIR. TRYING TO GET THE COMB THROUGH. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I'm dizzy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
BACK TO THE POLICE CAR <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Nice shotgun. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Thanks. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Clean as a whistle. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You could eat of that shotgun. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What is that, a 12 gauge? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Yeah. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: 12 gauge. Seems to be the most popular gauge. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: My favorite. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Mine too, love the 12 gauge. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Makes the 11 gauge look like a cap pistol. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: What do got over there? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: I don't know. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Looks like a possible 5-19. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: 5-19? What's a 5-19? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Where? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: Think so? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Looks like it. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I can't believe this. A 5-19? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Where, where? I can't see. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: This is car 23, we have a possible 5-19 in progress, over. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: All right, let's pull over and check it out. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Pull over? You can't pull over. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What are you doing? Where do you think you're going? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Pull over? The lieutenant is waiting to see us. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hey hey hey, we're in a rush here. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We have an appointment! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What are you doing?! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Great. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
COPS GO TO ARREST A GUY FOR TRYING TO STEAL A CAR <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: There's a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies up there. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Which flavor? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Milano. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Cops eating Milanos. What crazy town is this? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Should I take some? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I think that's a 5-19. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'm starving... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE REACHES FOR THE COOKIES AND THE COPS SLAM A GUY ON THE HOOD AND GEORGE
|
|
BACKS AWAY <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: They're busting this guy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: They're cuffing him. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
Jerry: I can't believe this. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE GET CLOSER TO JERRY AND THEY THROW THE GUY NEXT TO GEORGE <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONOLOGUE: <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
I can't believe that cops still have to read that whole "you have the right
|
|
to remain silence"-speech to every criminal they arrest. I mean is there
|
|
anybody who doesn't know that by now? Can't they just go "Freeze, you're
|
|
under arrest. You've ever seen Baretta? Yeah, good, get in the car." <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
BACK TO POLICE CAR <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Hi. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: George, how you doing? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
GEORGE OFFERS HIS HAND, BUT THE GUY IS IN CUFFS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: What did you do? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Nothing. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Nothing. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: Oh yeah right, me neither. Hey I didn't do nothing! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: Shut up. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Hot out. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: Brutal. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What do you tip a chamber maid. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: I don't know, five bucks a night. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, a dollar, two tops. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: Hey, you guys aren't cuffed. What are you, narks? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Narks? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Imagine, us narks? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: No no no, you know actually we are friends of a serial killer. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: Really? Well, that's very nice. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh, thank you. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Suspected serial killer, he didn't actually do it. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah well, we don't think. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We're pretty sure. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: A dollar a night? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, that's a good tip! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: That stinks! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I read it in Ann Landers. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Guy: Oh, Ann Landers sucks! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: Hey, shut it up back there. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Police radio: Attention all units, attention all units, all units code 3. All
|
|
units in the area, code 3 in progress, 1648 North Bartholis, units required
|
|
for assistance in apprehension of 702. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop: That's smog strangler. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Cop 2: Got him. Let's go. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
POLICE CAR COMES TO THE SCENE. JERRY OPENS THE BACK DOOR THROUGH THE WINDOW
|
|
AND THEY GO AFTER THE COPS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: I wanna see what's happening. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I don't know why I'm doing this. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
LT MARTEL KNOCKS ON A DOOR AND KRAMER OPENS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Jerry, George! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: You are under arrest in first degree murder and death of Ms Chelsea
|
|
Lang. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
THE CAR THIEVE GUY RUNS AWAY FROM THE DOOR THAT JERRY AND GEORGE LEFT OPEN <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER IS RUSHED THROUGH A GROUP OF PRESS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Reporters: Why did you do it? What possessed you? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I don't know... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES CENTRAL JAIL <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY AND GEORGE ARE VISITING KRAMER <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey, how are you doing? Jerry! George! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: We're doing fine. How are you? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What me? Fabulous, just fabulous. I've got a lot of auditions, a lot
|
|
of call backs and I've got a lot of interest for my movie treatment. I'm in
|
|
development, I'm in developed vehicles. And there's a lot of energy here, man.
|
|
You know, the vibe, it's powerful. I'm just swept up at it. Yeah, I'm a player. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: A player? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, a player... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer, do you realize what's going on here? Do you know why you're here? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What? What this? I'll be out of here in couple of hours. Hey, guess
|
|
who I met today? Rick Savage, oh nice kid, really good kid. You know, we're
|
|
talking about doing a project together. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer, you've been arrested as a serial killer! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: So? I'm innocent! I mean you guys believe that I'm innocent, don't you?
|
|
Jerry? George? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, yeah...sure. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Police: Kramer, let's go. The Lieutenant wants to see you. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Ok, yeah. All right look, I'll be out of here by noon. Maybe we'll have
|
|
lunch together, huh? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER GOES WITH THE POLICE OFFICER, BUT ASKS IF HE COULD SAY JUST ONE MORE
|
|
THING <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Help me!! Help me! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
OFFICER DRAGS KRAMER AWAY <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER IS BEEN INTERROGATED BY LT. MARTEL <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: I didn't kill anyone, I swear! I swear to God! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: Don't you ever swear to my God, Kramer. My God is the god who protects
|
|
the innocent and punishes the evil scum like you, have you got that? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: You're making a big mistake. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: No! You have made the mistake, Kramer. Sickies like you always do.
|
|
The only difference is that this time you're gonna pay. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: Now you might beat the gas chamber Kramer, but as long as I have
|
|
got a breath in my body you will never ever see the light of day again. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Wow wow wow wow, you've got the wrong man!! It wasn't me! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: Oh yeah, right. Maybe it was one of your other personalities huh,
|
|
the wise guy, the little kid, the bellhop, the ball player, maybe the door to
|
|
door vacuum cleaner salesman, but not you right? No, you wouldn't hurt a fly.
|
|
You just couldn't help yourself, could you Kramer? You saw life brimming brightly
|
|
with optimism and verve and you just had to snuff it out. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Ok, can I just talk to somebody? Can I just explain... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: I'm not interested in your explanations, Kramer! Sure, I bet you've
|
|
got a million of 'em. Maybe your mother didn't love you enough, maybe the teacher
|
|
didn't call on you in school when you had your little hand raised, maybe the
|
|
pervert in the park had a present in his pants, huh? Well, I've got another
|
|
theory Kramer: you're a weed. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: Society is filled with them. They're choking the life out of the
|
|
all pretty flowers. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER SOBS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: You see something even remotely pretty and you have to choke the
|
|
life out if it, don't you Kramer? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER CRIES <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: You killed all the pretty flowers, didn't you Kramer? You killed
|
|
the pretty little flowers, didn't you? You dirty, filthy, stinky weed! Didn't
|
|
you? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHONE RINGS <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Officer: Lieutenant, it's for you. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: Martel...yeah...yeah...yeah...yeah. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd03 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
KRAMER KEEPS CRYING <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Officer: What it is, Lieutenant? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: Let him go. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Officer: What, but Lieutenant? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: You heard me, let him go. They just found another body at the Laurel
|
|
Canyon. Go on Kramer, get out of my sight. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey, how did you know about the guy in the park? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Lt. Martel: I said beat it! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY AND GEORGE ARE WAITING OUTSIDE OF THE JAIL <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER WALKS OUT <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hahaa! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: What happened? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Somebody got killed while they had me in custody. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Really? Did you hear that? Somebody else was killed! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You're kidding? Somebody else got killed? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: While you were in jail. So you're free. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yes, I'm free. [singing] 'cause the murderer struck again! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
THEY ALL DANCE A FEW STEPS AND THEN AS A POLICE GOES BY THEY LEAVE QUIETLY <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER, JERRY AND GEORGE AT THE HILLS OF L.A. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So Kramer, what are you going to do? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Do? Do? Hey, I'm doing what I do. You know, I've always done what I
|
|
do. I'm doing what I do, way I've always done and the way I'll always do it. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Kramer, what the hell are you talking about? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: What do you want me to say? That the things haven't worked out the way
|
|
that I planned? That I'm struggling, barely able to keep my head above water?
|
|
That L.A. is a cold place even in the middle of the summer? That it's a lonely
|
|
place even when your stuck in traffic at the Hollywood Freeway? That I'm no
|
|
better than a screenwriter driving a cab, a starlet turning tricks, a producer
|
|
in a house he can't afford? Is that what you want me to say? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'd like to hear that. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Well, I'm not saying that! You know, things are going pretty well for
|
|
me here. I met a girl... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer, she was murdered! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, well I wasn't looking for a long term relationship. I was on TV. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: As a suspect in a serial killing. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Ok, yeah, you guys got to put a negative spin on everything. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: What did they put on this tuna? Tastes like a dill, I think it's a dill. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: So you're not gonna come back to New York with us? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No no I'm not ready, things are starting to happen. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Taste this, is this a dill? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, it's tarragon. Hey Kramer, I'm sorry about that whole fight we had
|
|
about you having my apartment keys and everything. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Ok, it's forgotten. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Tarragon? Oh, you're crazy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, take it easy. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, ok. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Yeah, take care. Stay in touch. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey hey, whoa come on give me a hug... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Oh, no... <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: No, you're crushing my sandwich. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY AND GEORGE AT THE HOTEL. GEORGE IS KICKING THE TUCKED COVERS. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, it's so nice when it happens to you. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
BACK TO JERRY'S APARTMENT. GEORGE AND JERRY ARE WATCHING TV. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Mint? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No thanks. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I've got to tell you, I'm really disappointed in Lupe. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: It's been three days already, forget about Lupe. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Do you think she gets to take any of those little bars of soap home? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: No, I don't. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: You would think that at the end of the week when they hand out the checks,
|
|
throw in a few soaps. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, maybe they should throw in a couple of lamps too. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: I'll tell you something, if I'd own a company, my employees would love
|
|
me. They'd have huge pictures of me up on the walls and in their home, like
|
|
Lenin. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: How much did you wound up tipping her? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Oh my God, I forgot! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Well, communism didn't work. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER WALKS IN <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Hey! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
KRAMER GOES TO THE FRIDGE <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Any mustard? This is empty. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Yeah, there's a new one in there. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: No no, I don't like this one. It's too yellow. Any pickles? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Help yourself. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Yeah, all right. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
George: Kramer, what are you doing here? <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Kramer: Getting something to eat. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Jerry: Kramer, here! <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JERRY THROWS THE APARTMENT KEYS TO KRAMER. KRAMER WALKS OUT AND COMES BACK WITH
|
|
HIS KEYS. <br>
|
|
HE THROWS THEM TO THE TABLE KNOCKING JERRY'S SODA. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ACTION NEWS. KEITH MORRISON. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
Newscaster: Authorities exposed today, that the latest suspect in the smog strangling
|
|
was apprehended this week on an unrelated charge, but somehow managed to escape
|
|
from the police car, in which he was being held. Tobias Lehigh Nagy, who is
|
|
also wanted in connection with a series of unrelated slains in the North West
|
|
is still at large, his whereabouts unknown. He's described as 5'5" bald
|
|
and reputedly a very generous tipper. <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CLOSING MONOLOGUE <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
The thing about L.A. to me, that kind of threw me, was when they have these
|
|
smog alerts out there and they actually recommend that people stay indoors during
|
|
the smog alert. Now, maybe I'm way off, but don't you think, wouldn't you assume,
|
|
that the air in the house pretty much comes from the air in the city where the
|
|
house is? I mean what do they think, that we live in a jar with couple of holes
|
|
punched in the top? What the hell is going on out there? It's very strange,
|
|
do you realize that it's now possible for parents to say to their children "All
|
|
right kids, I want you in the house and get some fresh air! Summer vacation,
|
|
everybody indoors." <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
THE END <br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p><br>
|
|
Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<p
|
|
align="center"> </p>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- content -->
|
|
|
|
<div id="navBar">
|
|
|
|
<div id="upperBox">
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-top_small */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "4348143300";
|
|
google_ad_width = 200;
|
|
google_ad_height = 200;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"
|
|
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="leftnav"><br />
|
|
<ul>
|
|
<li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Full Scripts</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="http://community.seinfeldscripts.com/">Community</a> </li>
|
|
<li><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Guide</a> </li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-characters.html">Characters Details</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-cast.html">Cast Details</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-quotes.html">Quotes</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="buy-seinfeld.html">Seinfeld Gift Shop</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="festivus.html">Festivus Info</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="seinfeld-superman.html">Superman References</a></li>
|
|
<li><a href="watch-seinfeld.html">Watch Online</a></li>
|
|
|
|
<li><a href="#">Search in site</a></li>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<form action="http://seinfeldscripts.com/search.html" id="cse-search-box">
|
|
<div>
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cx" value="partner-pub-4355410371465348:0292184103" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="cof" value="FORID:10" />
|
|
<input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" />
|
|
<input type="text" name="q" size="20" />
|
|
<input type="submit" name="sa" value="Search" />
|
|
</div>
|
|
</form>
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
</ul>
|
|
<p><a href="#" target="_top"></a><br /></p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.google.com/cse/brand?form=cse-search-box&lang=en"></script>
|
|
|
|
<script type="text/javascript"><!--
|
|
google_ad_client = "ca-pub-4355410371465348";
|
|
/* html-nav_bar-tower */
|
|
google_ad_slot = "3170809384";
|
|
google_ad_width = 160;
|
|
google_ad_height = 600;
|
|
//-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
|
|
<p ></p>
|
|
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="bottomrightnav" -->
|
|
<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var pageHeight = document.documentElement.scrollHeight;
|
|
var bannerSize = 2300;
|
|
var headHeight = (pageType!="HOME" && pageType!="CHARACTERS" && pageType!="SCRIPTSINDEX")?1500:900; // in these pages there is no google adsense block below the navigation
|
|
var bannerRepeat = (pageHeight > (headHeight + 1500))?Math.ceil((pageHeight - headHeight) / 2300):0;
|
|
if (pageType!="SALE" ){
|
|
if (bannerRepeat > 0) {
|
|
for (i=1;i<=bannerRepeat;i++) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBanner" + i + "\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeld-Tshirt-banner-160x2300.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"2300\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
} else if (pageHeight > (headHeight + 300) ) {
|
|
document.write("<a href=\"http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?u=439896\&b=119192\&m=16934\&afftrack=seinfeldSideBannerShort\&urllink=search%2E80stees%2Ecom%2Fsearch%3Fpage%3D1%26q%3Dseinfeld%26type%3Dproduct\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"extlink\"><img src=\"images/seinfeldTbanner-160x800.jpg\" align=\"center\" width=\"160\" height=\"800\" alt=\"Best Seinfeld T-shirts\" border=\"0\" /></a>");
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script language="JavaScript1.2" type="text/javascript">
|
|
<!--
|
|
function noSpam(user,domain) {
|
|
locationstring = "mailto:" + user + "@" + domain;
|
|
window.location = locationstring;
|
|
}
|
|
-->
|
|
</script>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p><a href="episodes_oveview.html">Episodes Overview</a> | <a href="seinfeld-scripts.html">Scripts</a> | <a href="javascript:noSpam('doctoroidsweb','gmail.com')">Contact</a></p>
|
|
<p>Copyright 2002-2011 SeinfeldScripts.com</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<!-- Kontera ContentLink(TM);-->
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
|
|
var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type='text/javascript'>
|
|
if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
|
|
document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
|
|
}
|
|
</script>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
var _gaq = _gaq || [];
|
|
_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
|
|
_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
|
|
(function() {
|
|
var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
|
|
ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
|
|
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
|
|
})();
|
|
</script></body>
|
|
<!-- InstanceEnd --></html>
|